The Other Side of the Darkest Valley
by letzigprincess
Summary: Having been subjected to a horrible fate, Bella Swan now hides, convinced that her past will find her. Edward Cullen will swoop in to save her from more mishap but will he be able to save her from her past, or more importantly, from herself? DARK THEMES!
1. Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 1**

**Saved**

Steel. Cold hard steel. Some people wear it for jewelery. Others used it to build skyscrapers. My name is Isabella Swan and I work with it every night. Some may think that my job automatically labels me as an easy lay, a whore, a slut, some have even used the term home-wrecker. They assume I have daddy issues, a baby at home, or am addicted to drugs. I am none of these things, though I sometimes wish those were my problems. What I wouldn't give for a life where these were my toughest issues...

"Hey, baby! What time to do you get off work?"

"Check out those legs. How about you show us where they lead, angel!"

The college kids I don't mind. The suits that come in for a drink and a show are great—and pay well, though they make me nervous. It was the old men that got to me. Not real old, usually around fifty, who think they can say whatever the hell they want. They don't give a damn about me or any of the other girls but expect you to give them your full attention. I am getting really good at blocking them out, something Tyler says comes with experience. I hope he's right. Being a stripper has some serious setbacks when it comes to reputation and for a small town girl, reputation means a lot.

I slide down the pole, doing one of the routines I picked up since working here. When I first started, I did the same routine over and over. Eventually, I realized I would have to switch it up but the North Pole—I know totally cheesy—doesn't have a whole lot of regulars. Besides, they aren't there to judge my dancing skills. Seattle was a big place, big enough that no one knew me and no one really tried to. I'd _rather _no one know me. What I'm running from is bigger than the small town I'm from.

Tonight, there was a bachelor party coming in that Tyler told Bella would consisted of some good guys, he knew a few of them having graduated high school with the groom. It was a small party; the groom, his brother, two groomsmen, and the groom's father. It seemed that they weren't exactly the strip club type and Bella wondered if they would give her trouble or make her life easy by not having a clue of what to expect. They came in around midnight, she could tell which of them was the groom because he was practically being carried in he was that drunk. _Great. Ty better not dare to walk away from me. The drunken ones are usually grabby. _

In the time she'd been there, she'd seen her fair share of touching. Though they weren't really allowed, some of the other girls would keep quiet about their clients grabbing them, knowing they'd get paid good money. Bella didn't need that kind of money and sure as hell didn't need some drunken asshole feeling her up. She never let a client touch her. Ever. If it was a lap dance, sometimes it happened, but it was always her doing the touching. Ty knew that when he'd gotten her the job there.

She checked out the guys, which was only fair. As they say, an eye for an eye. The groom was freaking massive and Bella fought the urge to step closer to her bodyguard and only friend. The two that had carried him in were both about six feet tall, one was blonde and the other had dark hair though she couldn't make out what dark color it was exactly—the lighting wasn't the greatest. Then of course there was the man who could only be the dad. Poor dad looked like he wanted to run. Far away. Bella relaxed, it might be a good night after all.

"Bells, hey," Tyler Crowley called, striding over to her as she made her way off the stage, "the party's here but Jessica wants to take it. That cool with you? Boss man says you can go home if you want..."

"Um...yeah...I guess. What? Are they good tippers or something?"

"No. Well...maybe, I don't think they've ever been here before. She graduated with and knows them, too. It's up to you about the going home thing. We're slow tonight and you haven't had a day off in weeks."

"God, how fucked up is it that the only place I have to go besides my shit hole of an apartment is a strip club?"

"You don't deserve this, Bella," he said, his tone couldn't have been more serious.

"I don't have many options...for now I will take up James on his offer. I'm going home. Goodnight, Ty."

"Do you need an escort out?"

"No. I'll be fine."

The cool burst of air on her face was welcome after being inside the warm, body heated room. There were only a few cars parked outside, most of them employees, not patrons. On most nights, Ty would escort her out, making sure she got to her car safely and watching her drive away. If anyone ever tried to follow her home, Ty would call her and tell her to come back. It had only happened once but that was enough for her.

She recognized one of the groomsmen by the door; he was taking long pulls from his cigarette and running his hand through his already unruly hair. He was cute in a keep-your-distance kind of way. Bella could tell he was a bit of a loner and she totally got how that felt—she'd been by herself for years now. Of course the one damn night Ty wasn't with her, she made it to her car only to find a group of guys getting out of a car parked by hers. "Hey, little girl."

Bella kept walking, hitting the unlock button and reaching for the handle. Her six inch stilettos didn't exactly allow her the freedom to run...which was a shame because of course a man with a baseball cap came over to her. The way he grabbed her arm and leaned into her, brought her hip to the car and brought the other hip up to become acquainted with a fleshy mass in his pants. Fighting the urge to vomit, Bella pulled her arm away. "You seriously need..."

"Excuse me, gentleman, but if you could back the fuck away from my girlfriend that would be great," mysterious cigarette man said behind them. The big guy let her go, obviously drunk and surprised that anyone else was even in the parking lot besides himself and his cronies. "Sorry I'm late, love. I got tied up at the office. Apparently, the judge wants me to represent..."

To Bella's amusement, that got the guys attention. They looked between her and the stranger, obviously wondering what the hell he was doing with a stripper. "You're a lawyer? Look man, we don't want any trouble..." he said, stepping even further back. _Great, a lawyer. _

"I didn't say you did. Should I have reason to question that, though, boy?" The way he said 'boy' was incredibly arrogant.

"No..."

"Leave."

To her surprise, the drunken asshole walked back over to his buddies and said something to them before getting into their car. Debating on whether or not to get into hers or talk to the mystery man was giving her a headache. Everything about this was screaming 'wrong'. People didn't help you, not like this, not unless there was an ulterior motive.

"Bells? Hey, what's going on?" Tyler asked, approaching from the front door of the club.

_What the hell _had_ just happened? _"Um, I'm fine, Ty. Someone was causing trouble but this guy here took care of it..."

Tyler looked over at the man dubiously. Right, ulterior motive. Perhaps she wasn't the only one assuming that. "Well, come back inside. I'm off in an hour and I can follow you home. I don't want anyone trying to follow you," his eyes slid to the strange man, as if that were exactly who he was worried about.

Without saying anything, Bella took this as a time to follow Tyler, only she was completely aware the man was following them. To her relief, he went over to his friends and stayed there. A few minutes later, she got the courage to glance over at the group. Her mystery man was sitting there, swirling a drink in his hand, and looking completely indifferent to the naked girls around him. Jess was all over the groom, her bare ass stuck out as she dangled her mediocre at best boobs in front of his face. _She knew them? Graduated with them? _Bella rolled her eyes, the last thing she would want to do is dance for people that way, knowing that they knew her outside of work.

The bar was fairly easy to man. It was your typical beers on tap, a few bottles that were stored in a case behind her, and simple mixed drinks that were requested. She had worked in a bar before, one where they had a lot of girls come in. They'd rattle off drinks she'd never heard of, pretending that they'd look cuter if they were holding something colorful. These pain in the ass mixed drinks didn't happen very often here, the most requested being your simple Captain and Coke. The men who came here weren't particular about their drinks, they just wanted a buzz and colorful fru-fru drinks were not the way to accomplish that.

Planning to go home, she hadn't changed out of her 'work attire' but when she'd come back in with Ty, she'd changed into something much more normal. So, a half hour later when she found herself wiping down the bar, she was wearing a pair of cut-off shorts, flips flops, and a white zip up hoodie. She realized she was lighting up because of the black light and she had already had a couple customers tell her it looked cool. She didn't mind, if they wanted to order a draft for two bucks and tip her three, who was she to laugh at them?

The daddy dearest of the group came over, looking a little troubled. Bella had seen this many times on the faces of the men who really had no business being at her place of business—and it meant they knew that fact all too well. "Miss, may I please get a bottle of water?"

Bella couldn't help but smile. This man was throwing off the air of I-swear-I'm-not-a-horny-old-pervert. "No problem, sir." She said it with respect, something that didn't happen for her to men very often. Not after what she'd been through. The way he'd given her respect though, calling her 'Miss', instead of demanding what he wanted, made her want to hug him. Another no-no in her moral, no touch code.

She reached down into the floor cooler below the bar and pulled out two of them. "The second is on me, it looks like your group's groom could use some rehydrating..."

"You're probably right," he chuckled, "and thank you. Keep the change."

As he walked away, Bella looked down at the bill he'd left on the bar, a ten dollar bill. The water was only a dollar a piece. She wanted to call him back, argue with him that it was too much, but that was another no-no and besides, he knew what he was doing. He was taking pity on the young stripper.

Bella threw open the window of her small apartment, the smell of disinfectant making her stomach turn. She'd been scrubbing down the walls and her floors, pretending that she could make them look a little whiter and less dirt colored. It was a joke. After a quick shower, she headed down to the library she lived beside. She worked nearly every night but during the day she was free to do as she wished. It didn't stop the paranoia, though, so she just walked as quickly as she could towards her musty haven. The library was actually a used 'book store', the thing was, no one bothered to buy them. There were always people around, crashed on bean bags, in mismatched chairs, or even on the floor reading a novel that they had fallen in love with. Bella went to grab her favorite book, one that she had memorized the shelf for, but was disheartened when it wasn't there.

Of course, some people did buy the books and she figured her bad luck would bring her to lose her favorite book to someone else who'd fallen in love with it. This particular book was not one you could find on Amazon, this book was one that was written independently by someone who did not have a publishing deal. It was good and Bella felt bad for the person who'd written it, wondering who the person had been, and what caused them to give this amazing piece of work away for free.

The only reason she hadn't bought it herself was because it didn't feel right letting anyone profit off of the person's work who would never receive a profit for it. It was gripping, raw, honest, and Bella had trouble pulling herself away from it. Since she was a little girl, she'd read every book she could get her hands on but they were always the run of the mill stories. This particular book was dark and not just vampire story dark. This kind of dark was the dark you hid from others. The kind of dark that elicited gasps and moans and dirty thoughts. The kind that made you fantasize, knowing you would never have the guts to act on it but loving to pretend.

It was written in first person, giving you the point of view of the main character as she entered a consensual deal with a man who loved to dominate. The sickest part about all of this? Bella had firsthand experience of just how dominating men could be. The girl from this particular story held the power. Oh, she was a submissive if nothing else but she had her master wrapped around her little finger. She let him have his control but all the while trusted him implicitly and in turn, he gave her the wildest ride of her life. The biggest pull towards this story? The fantasy that you could trust someone, especially a man.

Finding the typical romance novels, Bella flipped through them but realized they just weren't hard enough for her and was just walking past the war books when she tripped over something—not just a something—a someone's leg. "Oh my, God. I'm sorry," she said, looking up at him, embarrassed. Of course he had to be adorable. His perfect, white smile against the man's tanned skin made it hard to look away.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't be taking up the whole aisle. Are you okay?" He asked, holding a hand out to her.

"I'm fine." Bella refused his help but still smiled.

"You look familiar." _Oh, God. Please tell me he doesn't know me from the club... _"I've seen you in here before...yeah...you always sit over in the corner with a guilty expression on your face..."

Bella blushed, fully aware of her guilty pleasure. "Um...yeah...I'll leave you to read your...bird watching book?" she said a little confused after craning her neck to read the book's spine.

He looked down, embarrassed. "I know, ridiculous, right? This is my guilty pleasure. I hide in the war section—it makes me feel not as girly..."

"Well, your secret is safe with me. Sorry about your leg. I hope I didn't hurt you..."

"It's fine. I can take it. I'm Jacob by the way. Jacob Black."

"Bella. Bella Swan."

"Well, Bella, maybe someday we could get something to drink..."

"Um...no. I'm sorry...it's complicated..."

"No, it's fine. I understand. It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella. Feel free to trip over me anytime..."

An hour later, Bella headed back to her apartment to get ready for work. As was routine, she packed her work clothes, shaved places she'd never admit shaving to anyone except the assholes who watched her at the club, and when she was satisfied with her body, she showered...again...and headed out. James was at the bar when she walked in and she strode past, saying a quick hello. Jess stood in front of the mirror, fluffing her hair up and applying bright red lipstick. "Hey, Bells!"

"Hey, Jess," Bella said with a fake smile, the girl did little more than annoy her.

"Alright, girls," her true friend, Angela Weber said. "Here's the lineup. Jess, Bella, and I will work the floor first. Lauren, you're on stage first tonight. Then it'll go Jess, me and Bells, you're last tonight. Let's do this, ladies!"

Bella rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh at Angela's excitement. "Alright, ladies, are we ready? We have a full house out here already," Tyler called in, averting his eyes. The girls headed out as "The Show Goes On" blasted from the speakers and Lauren made her way to the stage to work her magic. Bella found a group of college boys and brought over a tray of shots already prepared by James. The boys were watching Lauren and as they took shots off the tray, handed her way more money than necessary. "Do you boys need change?" she asked, a smile on her lips.

"Mmm...just keep 'em coming baby..." a short blonde said suggestively.

Bella just took the now empty tray back, putting the money into a jar she kept under the bar. "Anyone gives you trouble, just let me know, Bells," James said, eying up the guys she'd just waited on. The place was pretty packed as it was a Saturday night and she was busy just taking drinks to people. Lauren and Jess loved the interaction but she preferred to just serve drinks, not liking all of the attention.

Around midnight, it was her turn to take the stage. She wore a deep purple laced corset and latex booty shorts. It was more material than any of the other girls had on for their performances but Bella knew men loved it when skin was exposed little by little. The corset was soft, not shape making, and could be rolled up to expose her belly. Under the shorts she wore a black thong. She approached the stage, the song "ET" by Katy Perry blasting this time. She stood, her legs apart, as she braced herself against the pole before starting her routine. Cheers came from the college group she had been catering to all night and as she glanced up at them, her eyes caught someone sitting by themselves towards the back.

Holding her head up high, Bella brought her right arm up to grab the pole before wrapping her body around it and sliding to the floor. Her eyes settling on the lone man. When Jess went over to him, he turned down a drink...and whatever else Jess was desperately trying to get him to buy. She tried to remember that there were more men than just him she was trying to please with her body but there was something about him. Everything in her body screamed to her to stop her train of thought, that he was just another man—another man who she had no reason to trust.

When her college boys whistled to her, she let her tongue escape and slide seductively across her lips. Two men in suits slid up closer to the stage, pulling a few dollars from each other their pockets and placing them on the stage in front of them. On all fours, Bella climbed over and took the cash. She could have sworn the man on the right was drooling. He reached his hand up and before he could get within three feet of her, she slid back and grabbed the pole like it was her life line. Biting her lip, she forced herself to continue with her little show. She risked one glance back at her avenger from the night before and saw that he was leaning forward now, his intense gaze falling on the drooling men in front of her. He looked lethal. _Now he's my avenger? Where the hell did that come from?_

Making her way off the stage, Bella went straight to the dressing room, breathing heavily and trying to pull herself back together. No one could know she was reacting to the harmless men who paid her well that way. Tears threatened to fall and she shook her head, hating the reflection she saw in the mirror. Men in suits freaked her out. In fact she'd take the drunks and druggies over the men with money any night. From her experience, when men had money, they typically used it for bad things. Subconsciously rubbing her wrists, Bella took a deep breath and headed back out onto the floor, a smile plastered to her face.

Over the next few days, Bella watched as every night, her mystery man would come in and sit in the back. He hardly drank, though he did smoke, and it seemed more than anything he spent his time ignoring Jess. The man would stay until she was done on the stage and in street clothes working the bar. It made her nervous but he was starting to show up in her thoughts outside of work. They were almost always sexual and she reminded herself that the only time she ever saw him was at a strip club. Sex would be associated with this man.

On two weeks to the day that he pulled the 'boyfriend' card to save her, Isabella woke up practically panting. Her fists were clenching the ratty old quilt she'd had since she left Forks, sweat covered her body in a thin sheet, and even more surprising was the fact that her panties were wet. _Did I seriously just have a wet dream? What am I a teenage boy?_

Throwing her sheets off, she pulled off the soiled clothes and made her way into the shower. This was the third night of her dreams and that was the most intense of all the dreams she had about the mystery man...or any other man. Leaning against the cracked and permanently streaked mirror, Bella rested her hands on either side of the yellowed porcelain sink and stared at her reflection. Tonight she was going to demand an answer from him. If he knew her, she wanted to know how. He seemed too young to be one of...them. She had to know. If they found her, regardless of how old he was, she had to run.

**This story is DARK themed. I'm not going to warn you every chapter. From this point on their will be mentions of graphic sexual situations-up to and including accounts of extreme abuse, possible character death-though they will never be Edward or Bella, mental health issues, and other things that some of you may not be comfortable with. If you are brave enough to continue onto the next chapter, I can only hope that you won't be disappointed. If you'd like a preview of chapter two, please leave a review with what you think and I will send it out to you. If you have any questions concerning the content that I have just discussed, please p/m me and I will try to answer them as best as I can. I plan to update late Thursday or early Friday but it depends on the response I receive. You can follow me on Twitter letzigprincess. It's good to be back. Letzy xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 2**

**Just the Benefits**

It was a typical Saturday night, an almost full house and an even fuller tip jar. Bella had been asked by James to stay and cover the bar, just like she usually did, and she promised she would but she had to run to her car first. Taking the entire contents of her tip jar, she shoved the wad of cash into her hoodie pocket and made for the door. She hadn't taken time to change after leaving the stage, not wanting the man to leave before she could talk to him, but regretting the stilettos. If she had to leave, at least she would have her money. Her hoodie had been just offstage waiting for her, ready for a quick departure. Trying not to act as though she was walking out of the club for what could be the last time, she held her head up, refusing to panic until she knew the truth.

Her footsteps sped up as she strode quickly towards him. He was just opening the door to a shiny, black sports car. "Who the fuck are you?"

The man spun around quickly, his eyes wide. He looked at her, then around them, as if confused about who she was speaking to. He looked almost as panicked as she felt. "We're the only two out here. I'm talking to you. Answer the question."

"I'm Edward Cullen..." he said it so quietly that she barely heard him.

Bella had no idea how to react to him. He seemed harmless. She reminded herself that Dr. Jackson had come across as totally harmless as well. "Well, Edward Cullen, what the hell are you doing here every night?"

"Escaping."

It made sense now. She had seen this before. With a scoff, Bella shook her head. "Go home, Edward Cullen. You might want to put your fucking wedding ring back on." Turning on her heel, she walked towards the doors so that she could get back behind the bar, back to making cash.

His next words stopped her in her tracks. "I'm not married."

The growing paranoia began to consume her. He was following her. _He doesn't _look _dangerous. _As the battle waged inside of her, he took another step towards her and it immediately brought her back to the situation at hand. "Don't come closer."

"You'll let men throw money at you as they sit a few feet away from but you won't let me talk to you?"

"Do you know how many men tell me they 'aren't married' on a weekly basis? Men only come here seeking escape from one thing and 'not being married' isn't it."

"Look, I don't give a fuck if you don't believe me. I've got my father breathing down my back, a brother who's getting married to a woman who's driving us both bat-shit crazy, a little sister who's nineteen and knocked up, and a mother who can't seem to accept the fact that I am fine with remaining a perpetual bachelor. I was here for Emmett's bachelor party and needed some air when I came out here and saw that piece of shit kid try to take you against your own car. So you can believe what you want about me but with all due respect, don't take your clothes off for men if you don't expect them to come back to see you."

Insulted, and pissed off because what he said was true, she turned to walk away again when she heard him say something that once again made her stop walking. "You don't belong here. You're the type of women who's more beautiful in the natural light out here from the moon then the bright, fake lights of the stage."

"I thought you wanted to remain a perpetual bachelor," Bella replied, still not turning back to face him.

"_You're_ the one that approached _me_. Did I _propose _marriage?"

Rolling her eyes, Bella felt the paranoia start to die away. "I have to get back in there so, unless you have a diamond ring, I suggest you go home to your oh-so-stressful life. You have no idea what it means to need an escape."

"Are you going to work the bar?"

She looked over her shoulder, finding the courage to face him and saying something that was a total guess—but she kind of hoped it was true, "I'm done dancing but you already know that...or you wouldn't be leaving."

Her heart beat sped up as he approached her; she couldn't decide if she was panicking or excited...or both. She did intentionally step a few feet away from him as he drew closer, then shaking herself, she strode into the club, staying a few steps in front of him. Once she was safely behind the bar, she left him to sit at the end and stew while she waited on the men sitting on stools and binding their time between watching the game playing above the bar and watching the girls. Edward just watched his drink.

"Bells, you're off!" James called to her and Tyler nodded from the stool he was sitting on behind the bar.

Grabbing the rest of the money, she put it with what was already in her front pocket and tied her hair back. Tyler stood to follow her out but she walked over to where Edward was still staring at his brandy and took his arm. "Tyler, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow night." Her eyes never left Edward's, which were now staring right at her.

Eventually, he nodded and she let go, bracing herself for what she had to do, for what was right. Walking right past her car, she walked over to his. "You have to stay away from me. You need to go home...to wherever and whoever home is...and you need to not come back here."

"What are you so afraid of, Bella?"

"You don't want to know, Edward Cullen. Please, just leave."

Isabella drove home, feeling as though she had just taken a blunt object to her heart. There was no reason for her to feel so upset about what she said to Edward, how she had insisted he leave and not return. Upon entering her apartment, she locked all three locks and checked both windows. Panic began to seize her and sat on the small step stool in her kitchen, biting on her fist, begging the memories to go away. She knew they wouldn't. She knew this would be a night of her screaming in her sleep, a night when she would wonder why no one called the police over her screams. She knew the answer to that at least. No one cared.

With a sinking feeling even as she stood, she took her money out of the pocket and placed it with the rest in the sliding hide-away space of her dresser/coffee table drawer. She decided to stop at the local store and purchase a few money orders with it. If she had to leave in a hurry, five fistfuls of cash would only slow her down. Pulling her bed down from the wall, Isabella sighed and hesitantly climbed in. It wasn't that she wasn't tired, her body was screaming for a place to rest her head, it was that she knew what her mind was capable of. Trying to remember the prayer her mother taught her, Isabella tried to recite it, as if it were a shield. _Now I lay me down to sleep..._

_Bella sat up fast, aware that she was definitely not in the safety of some lush research center. Attempting to stand, she felt the room sway and fell backwards again. This time, she sat and looked around. At first, she thought that her vision was blurry; she tried rubbing her eyes desperately to fix it, to fix the little octagonal shapes making patterns on everything she could see. Fully in panic mode, Bella pulled her thin jacket closer to herself and tried to slow her breathing. _

_Crawling now, Bella started to make her way across the floor when the floor tipped again, this time it wasn't a case of vertigo. Reaching out, she noticed she could actually touch those octagons, and they were metal. The moving room now made sense; she was locked in a cage which was chained to the ceiling of a...warehouse? The wooden floor under her was just the floor of the cage and she could clearly now see that the exit sign above the door was much lower than it would be if she were floor level. _

_Crawling back towards the middle, Bella tried to stand but couldn't quite manage. A thought hit her. With both hands of the top and her feet planted on the floor, she tried to straighten out her body in the hopes that the cage would open. For what felt like an eternity, she pushed and pushed until her muscles began to protest and eventually give way. She could try to scream, as it had been her very first instinct, but she highly doubted anyone would hear her. Yelling for help would only evoke her captors. Moments later, after her muscles were a little sturdier, she crawled to the edge of one side and looked around, squinting in the dark. She almost expected to see cages suspended everywhere, other people trapped, but there was nothing. In fact, there were just tall cardboard boxes and a few fork lifts, the rest of the space was empty. _

_A fleeting thought came to her that maybe she had somehow managed to do this herself...but shook away that insane thought. Someone had put her in this box, someone who knew Dr. Jackson, and when they returned to get her, she'd make sure they knew who they were dealing with. Isabella Swan was the daughter of a police chief and a fitness guru. She knew how to fight. When those feelings of adrenaline wore off, she laid on the wooden floor and began to cry. Closing her eyes tightly, she prayed that the people who had done this to her weren't going to hurt her too badly, that maybe they just wanted money...or revenge on her father. She had to keep faith that he would find her. Without faith, all she had was the damn metal and wood box._

_Her eyes were adjusted by this point and the light from the exit sign above the door was starting to bother her, it was bright, almost too bright. She wondered if she had a concussion and realized her head was throbbing. Pulling her legs up so that she was in the fetal position, she promised herself that this was not over. Someone had kidnapped her and she was just going to have to wait this out. Drifting to sleep with this idea, she woke suddenly to the sound of chains against the outside of the door. Lifting her head, she looked down and brought her hand up to shield her eyes. Someone was standing in the now open doorway. _

Bella fought against her worn out sheets as they tangled her arms and legs to the point that she could not sit up. Desperately needing to be free of all bondage, she practically ripped them in half to get out of bed. When she did finally free herself, she fell to the floor and brought her hands to her face, sliding up against the wall between the bathroom and the rest of the apartment. With her knees to her chest, she focused on counting to one hundred, wondering if that would be enough or if she would make it to three hundred this time. It had been so long since that the dream was that vivid—and not a sexual one about a certain Edward Cullen.

When she finally somewhat composed herself, she crawled into the bathroom and pulled herself up by holding onto the sink. Taking a drink of water from her cupped hand, she pulled her hair back and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. 5:43. The 'book store' would open in a little over an hour and she felt lost. There was no way she was going back to sleep, although she had only gotten a few hours in before she had woken. There really wasn't anywhere else for her to go, though. It was true. Her apartment and the club, besides the 'book store', were the only places she had.

Needing to get rid of the pent up energy, whether it was created by sexual frustration or nightmare adrenaline, she decided to go for a drive. More than anything, she wanted to swim and as she drove through the city, barely awake at this hour, she tried to channel those happier days when she could just jump into a body of water and completely forget her problems. She tried telling herself that she was just being paranoid, suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and whatever else she had self-diagnosed herself with. The feeling was still there, though. The feeling would always be there.

Bella stood to the side of the stage, just at the bottom of the steps that lead to where Jessica was now dancing. For the first time, she was actually waiting to get up on stage. If she didn't work out some of her energy soon, she was going to combust. Her blood pumped hard through her veins and she felt like an addict, she just didn't know what she was craving. There was a gym that, according to Tyler, didn't require your personal information to become a member. It was open twenty-four hours and not many people were there at night time. She never asked James for a night off before but asked if she could dance and leave early, just for tonight.

Lost in her jittery feelings, she was surprised when Jess walked past and patted her on the shoulder, sending her a quick wink. Bella took the stage then, trying to let the room of strange men fade away. It was all she could to keep herself sane, to not feel like all of those horrible names people called her rolled into one, and to forget her past. Men, men who had money to throw around, had done things to her body that made her doubt the fact that she _wasn't _those things.

When she finally opened her eyes and took in the room, she realized something was missing. Edward Cullen was missing, his table was empty. She had no idea why this made her lose her rhythm, she had no idea why her stomach turned with anxiety, and she sure as hell had no idea why she was upset that he did what she asked him to. Then she realized that it was still early, she didn't typically go on until last or close to it. He really only came for her. _You're being ridiculous. He said he has a lot going on! This has nothing to do with you._

When the song ended, she went back to the dressing room and grabbed her hoodie. With her money safely in her pocket, she made her way to her car with her stilettos counting each step she took. Until they stopped. Abruptly. He was walking towards the door, his long legs bringing him closer and closer to her. He didn't even notice she was there. His eyes were on the cracked pavement. He wore an unbuttoned flannel shirt with a steel colored v-neck underneath. His jeans were dark and a baseball cap cast a shadow on his face as the neon lights shone down on him. Bella felt a tightening in her lower body that she hadn't felt in a long, long time—apart from her dreams. After everything that had been done to her by the male sex, she couldn't believe the strong feelings she felt for Edward Cullen, a virtual stranger.

He continued on past her and she watched him stop a few feet from the door and spin back around. "You're done?"

She didn't expect him to talk to her, not after last night, and she certainly didn't expect him to say it like he had just found out the billion dollar winning lottery ticket in is hand was a fake. "I was on early tonight..." _Why the hell are you even standing here? Move your feet. Stay away from him._

"Oh," he said, putting his head down again and heading back towards his car.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, looking at him like he was nuts.

"Going home," he shrugged, not turning towards her.

"Edward, I..."

He turned around slowly, leaning against the back of his car with his hands in his jacket pockets. Bella didn't have anything to say, really, and she let her voice trail off. He seemed matter-of-fact when he finally spoke. "I hand the owner the cover to get in every time. I pay for a drink. I watch you on stage. If you want to mean nothing to me, then that's how it will be for you. If I want to come watch you take off your clothes and make sure some bastard doesn't decide to put his hands on you, then that's how it will be for me."

Bella stood there in her six inch heels, a flimsy hoodie over her tiny shorts and corset, and she knew something that she hated herself for. She wanted him. Bad. Everything that had been building up in her had led her to this point. Sex. That's what she wanted. Sex was what broke her and sex is exactly what she needed to get through this. They stood there, staring at each other, until she came to stand in front of him. Her spirits lifted when she saw that his shoulders were rising and falling far too heavily for someone who was breathing normally. He flicked his cigarette in an anxious fashion and looked away from her.

This was it; she was going to prove to herself that she was everything she always refused to believe she was. It didn't matter. People did this all the time. In bars and clubs, people constantly hooked up. One night stands were normal. "What if I...what if I asked you something...that you can totally turn down..."

"What is it?" he asked, taking a drag on the cigarette.

"You come here every night, right?"

"Yeah."

"Just to see me?"

"Yeah."

"You told me you aren't married...and I've never seen you wear a ring..."

"I'm not! Are we going through this again? Do you know how many men in there ARE married?"

"Edward, I believe you...and I have a proposition."

He raised an eyebrow, looking completely unaffected. "I propose that we...I mean you can say no...but I think we should be friends with benefits without the friends part."

"You mean meaningless sex?" he asked and she was surprised he could speak with his jaw dropped that low.

"You're hot and I have things...to work out. You say that I can mean nothing to you if that's what I want. Do you still mean it?"

"Sex and watching you strip are two completely different things. There are consequences..."

"I've been tested since...my last sexual encounter," she said, having to search for the way to describe it. "I'm clean. I can't get pregnant...Mirena...it lasts five years."

"What makes you so sure I don't have anything?"

"Do you have a condom?" she asked, raising an eyebrow to reflect his expression.

"Yes but..."

"Fine. I get it. I'll see you from the stage tomorrow..." She couldn't believe how sick his rejection made her feel.

"No! Wait! I just...I didn't expect this. Give me a minute to process what you're asking, okay?"

"It's okay to say no. I'm just a stripper. I get it."

"You're better than that. You can come into this place every damn night lying to yourself that you aren't worth better than this but it's all bullshit. Do you need money? Is that why you're here?"

"This isn't going to work. Forget it. I don't need your money but I do need you to not care, Edward. I need you to accept me as is and not ask questions. Just agree and accept."

"So what happens? I just become your fuck buddy?"

"Yeah," Bella replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Where?"

She stood up straighter, he was really going to agree to this. _Holy shit. You can't take him back to your shit hole of an apartment..._

"I have an apartment about fifteen minutes from here..." he suggested.

_I have to trust him for this to work. He's not going to hurt you like the others. You know he won't hurt you like the others hurt you. Deep breaths. He looks damn near edible. Don't screw this up!_

"Can I follow you there? I just want to make sure that..."

"I'm not going to drive you to some creepy location and have my way with you?" Bile rose in her throat and she must have looked truly horrified because his eyes widened. "I...I'm just kidding! I know you need your car. Come on, you can follow me."

**I'm soo happy with all of the positive feedback and promise that you will get a preview of chapter 3 if you review this one. The holidays are a bit crazier than I had expected. **

**PLEASE keep in mind the warning from the first chapter. It goes for this one and all chapters in the future. It will only get more intense from here. I'd love to hear from you and the next chapter will be up early next week. Lots of Love, Letzy xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 3**

**Making Friends**

As they got closer and closer to the city, Bella began to wonder if this was a good idea. He was gorgeous and made her want to do everything with him that she only pretended to do on stage. He was a good person, much better than what she deserved. There was also the mental state that she was in. How did she know she wasn't going to freak out in the middle of being between the sheets with him? It wasn't like she'd been with anyone besides...

Bella shook that thought from her mind as she followed him into a parking garage. Edward seemed to be speaking with the person in the little box and the person glanced back at her before nodding. She pulled up and the man handed her a ticket. It was already stamped 'paid'. About to protest, she remembered her goal, keep enough money in case she needed to run. Every penny counted. She parked beside him, her car looking like it couldn't stand out more parked between his fancy car and the sleek red one on the other side.

They said nothing to each other as he opened the elevator and lead her in. She prayed the whole ascent that this was going to be okay, that he wouldn't hurt her, that this would just be a meaningless, normal, one night stand...or multiple night stands that were just as meaningless as this one. _Even your thoughts are mumbling! _

The doors opened and he followed her into a brightly lit hallway, unlocking a door, and walking in. "This is it. It's not much but..."

She wasn't really paying attention to his ramblings. The place was much nicer than hers with much more clutter. It wasn't messy...it was more artistic. There were mismatched couches, a beat up recliner, shelves held rows and rows of books, there were stacks of magazines and books in every corner on the floor. She was also a little surprised to find a guitar on the coffee table. It was somewhere she would expect a college guy to live and it felt good to be around someone her own age. He started towards the kitchen and began to tell her that he would show the apartment to her when she grabbed his hand. "I'm not hungry."

Sweeping his eyes down her body, he stepped closer to her and licked his lips. Bella realized this was like an experiment. Could she even do the whole 'intimate' thing after all? Was she just leading him on, only to end up panicking and running for the door? Before she could contemplate further, his hand was on the back of her head, pulling her towards him. She went still at first but as his lips began to move more intensely against hers, she began to melt. Realizing that she just needed to stay focused, she let her lips move freely. Soon, her arms seemed to find their grip as she started to pull the flannel shirt off of him.

Then her legs began to move as he pulled her gently, not breaking their kiss, to the couch. _You can do this. You can do this. Look, he's so damn hot. You can do this. _Her blood was really pumping now and she knew that the gym would not have been what she needed. She needed him. All these dreams, wonderful or not, were being provoked by him. She felt his hands at her hoodie zipper and as he pulled she held her breath. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he would tell her that her body was nowhere near as beautiful without the lights. Maybe he would begin to tell her that she was just pussy, which he could easily get from someone else.

He did none of those things, instead, he actually brought his head down and kissed her neck, her breasts. All breath escaped her as she felt his hands reach up and go through her hair. He wasn't immediately stripping her, he wasn't only touching her in the most humiliating places. No, he was going slow with her, feeling her exposed skin even though her clothes were still on...albeit there weren't that many between the two of them. No one had ever been that way with her. It was always come in, let them rip her clothes off, or leave them on, but either way they were pumping inside of her and then telling her to leave once they came. For the first time since she could remember, her panties were quickly becoming soaked. She could remember this; it was like this after she dreamt of him.

She allowed herself to feel him, to bring her hands up and rest them on his shoulders as he kissed his way across her breasts and then rolled the corset up to kiss her belly. This was the most erotic thing she'd ever experienced. Opening her mouth, she allowed an elicit moan to pour out and it seemed to spur him on even more. "Let's get you out of these damn clothes," he said roughly, his voice husky.

_Here it is. He's wants nothing more than what all those other men did. _For a moment, while he fumbled with pulling off her shorts and panties and then managed to get the corset off with great trouble, she braced herself. _He means nothing. This is just sex, just a way for you to release some pent up energy. Let him fuck you and then you can leave. There is no suit involved. No money. Just sex. He's gorgeous, he's young, dammit let this be about you!_

As soon as she was naked in front of him, she decided to take what she was entitled to; to feel like she had control, just once. Feeling that she was already completely wet, she reached down and pulled at his belt buckle, cutting off his time to just stand and stare at her body like it was the first naked woman he'd ever seen. _Are you? _Bella lost that train of thought as she pulled his pants and boxers off. He was big and that inner, sweet girl balked. _Please, you can take this. You can't very well stop now, you tease._

Once he stepped out of them and slid them a few feet away, Bella pushed him down onto the couch. He looked up at her while putting on the condom, his eyes dark and his body hard for her. Not bothering with another kiss or even a short prelude dance, she straddled his lap and took him where he wanted to go. He gasped, obviously surprised but once he was inside of her, she began to move. If she let herself think to hard about this, she would break. So she went hard. Rolling her hips in a way that should have been illegal, she took him deeper and deeper inside of her.

Her muscles were growing tired and she leaned her head onto his shoulder to support herself a little. His breath against her neck was strong and quick. This was the workout she needed as she felt her abs screaming at her from the way she was moving her body. Throwing back her head again as a blast of energy took her, she felt herself clench him as her first orgasm ever rocked her body. Edward brought his arms around her tightly then, holding her up almost completely, and she felt him pulse deep inside of her. It wasn't the arms around her that shook her to her core, it was his voice. As he came, just as hard as she had, he put his head back. "Bella."

The way he said her name was like a prayer. This was a first, not just the orgasm, but this. This man had just said her name. This man did not treat her like the guilty secret that she was. For the first time in her life, she was not being pushed off and told to leave. That was the scariest part though. Not waiting for their breathing to even out, Bella lifted herself off of him and grabbed her clothes. The panties were too wet to put back on so she grabbed her shorts and zipped up the hoodie, not even bothering with the corset. "Do you have a bag?"

He was pulling off the used condom, his chest rising and falling as if he'd just run a marathon. "Huh?"

"A bag? A plastic one I can just throw away when I get home?"

"Yeah...of course...give me a minute. There's a whole bunch in the kitchen..."

Bella took off for the room they never made it to and scanned it until she found the cloth bag that held them. She threw her clothes in there, made sure her hoodie was zipped up the whole way, and grabbed her car keys. She could have sworn she heard him call out to her in confusion as she walked out of the apartment and towards the elevator. She couldn't turn around. She had succeeded and it felt so, so good. Maybe she wasn't completely ruined after all.

Sunlight filtered through her yellowed windows the next morning, or actually afternoon, as she stretched and immediately regretted doing so. She moved her body bit by bit, just like she had the night before, but this time it was to do inventory. First, her arms were sore from pulling herself towards Edward over and over. Her abs felt like they were on fire as she twisted her body slightly to get up. Upon standing, she could have fallen over as the muscles in her legs were the sorest they had possibly ever been. She hadn't gone to the gym like she planned but it was obvious that she had got her workout from somewhere else.

She realized with bliss that she had not one bad dream the night before and could only credit that to having been too tired to dream. Two nights ago she had only gotten about three hours of sleep. She had not gone to bed until almost three the night before. Now, it was two in the afternoon and she felt well rested. She fixed up her bed, despite her angry muscles, and even put it back up against the wall. Glancing at the kitchen, she blanched at the idea of more cereal or lunch meat sandwiches. Doing something she had rarely done in the past, she pulled some ones, ten to be exact, from the hoodie from last night and stuck them in her jeans pocket. She was going out for lunch.

Bella decided to stop over at the 'book store' to see if by chance, maybe her favorite book was just misplaced before. There was no such luck but Jacob Black was there once again. With a defeated sigh, she turned from her typical shelf and made her way past him to go get a late lunch. "Bella? Hey!"

"Oh, hi, Jacob. How are you?"

"Good. Are...uh...are you okay?" he asked her, tilting his head to the side as if that would tell him what was wrong with her.

"Yeah. Why?" she asked, wondering if the guilt she felt from the previous night was that evident.

"Well, you're limping a little..."

Blushing furiously, she lied. "Oh, I just joined a gym. Sore muscles."

A quiet silence fell between them and it quickly became awkward. "Well, look, I haven't eaten yet so I'm going to grab some..."

"Do you want some company?"

He looked at her with those big brown eyes, like a puppy wanting company, and she blanched. "Sure...um..."

"There a great cafe about a block down..."

She immediately regretted her decision to have company. She tried to keep her car with her at all times, it was all she had if she needed to run. There was no way she was getting in her vehicle with him, though. Everything her father had ever taught her went against that. In fact, she found herself looking him over. He didn't look dangerous. He looked...lonely. It wasn't until her eyes made it back to his that she realized he had asked her something.

"I'm sorry...the cafe sounds great."

Biting her lip the entire trip there, Bella glanced around her and tried to pay attention to Jacob. He was very personable and obviously liked to talk. She let him go on and on but every step reminded her of the night before. Edward Cullen's body underneath hers, him holding her close as he came, the way she left him without even a 'thanks'...she really was a whore.

"So what do you do for a living?"

Bella bit her lip harder, trying to come up with an answer. "I...um...I was laid off..."

"Hey, I didn't mean to offend you. That's been happening to a lot of people right now. The economy is really on the rocks."

"Yeah. It...uh...it really sucks. What do you do?"

"I'm actually a student. It's just a small technical school but I'm going for computer aided drafting."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-three," Jacob said, looking down at the menu shyly. "I have a degree in philosophy. It's not getting me very far. So, I decided to go back and learn a new trade. Gotta pay the bills...ya know? So, how old are you? I guess you could easily still be in school."

"I'm only twenty-one but I didn't go to school. It's kind of a long...typical...story. Hey, have you eaten here before? What do you recommend?"

With that, Bella had quickly diverted their conversation to safer waters. They talked about the city, about how crappy her little apartment was and about how ridiculous school loans could be. This was a normal conversation. This wasn't about who the best tippers were, who was feeling a little touchy-feely on a particular evening, or what she should wear to walk out the door with the most money at the end of the night. She realized she couldn't remember the last time she had a conversation that wasn't about these things that lasted more than a few minutes. It felt...liberating. It felt like there was a glimmer of hope that she might be able to start focusing on other areas of her life.

When two men in business suits and bad comb-overs walked past, she felt bile rise in her throat at the way they looked at her like she was a piece of meat. Swallowing hard to keep her food down, Bella pushed her empty plate away and looked over at Jacob. "Are you ready to head back?"

"Yeah. The meal's on me."

"No!" Bella protested, perhaps a little too loudly. The idea of Jacob paying for her to do something seemed wrong. Especially after the looming despair she just felt from the business men. _Your job is to have men throw money at you while you take your clothes off yet you won't let him pay for your meal? _"Sorry, Jacob. I can get it. Really."

He frowned but nodded and set down what he owed on top of the slip the waitress brought over. Bella scooped out her share and together they left. When they made it to the 'book store', she went to thank him and head back to her place when he beat her to it. "I had fun this afternoon. Maybe we can hang out again? What are you doing two Thursday's from now? A friend of mine is in this band..."

Bella wondered what to say to get out of this one. She worked every night and unless this band played at children's birthday parties, she figured it would definitely mess with her work schedule. "Actually, that's a friend of mine's birthday so..."

"Oh. Okay. No problem. Maybe we can hang out some other night then?"

"Um...maybe. I have to go...do...stuff. I had a great time this afternoon too though! I'm sure I'll see you here again."

"Okay. See ya, Bella."

Walking back across the street, she realized she was holding her breath. This had to end before it began. He was too friendly, too open, and if she wasn't careful...too sweet. Guilt seeped its way into her stomach as she thought of the night before with Edward. He seemed like a nice enough guy but he knew that this was about sex. As sick as that was, she knew that was the way it needed to be. If things became too much, if she did too much remembering when she was with him, he'd think she was a freak. Normal people didn't break down during sex.

Fighting the guilt, she realized she was sitting on her couch and had forgotten to lock the door...all the locks for that matter were unlocked. Jumping up, her heart hammering in her chest, she locked them quickly and leaned against the big board keeping out the world. There would be no more talking to Jacob, she had let her guard down enough with him.

She hopped into the shower for her daily preparation for work and tried not to think of Edward's hands as she cleaned her own body. That same, familiar, giddy feeling from the night before came back to her. Bella was unable to stop the feeling and realized she didn't want to. She'd rather relive the night before than let her mind wonder to many other nights that were incredibly horrible.

Not wanting James to think anything was off, she danced at her regular time. Sure enough, Edward was there. Actually he had walked in about an hour earlier than normal. He didn't want to miss her again. Carrying a tray that contained a pitcher and glasses, Bella tried not to gravitate towards him as she made her way to the other side of the bar. He was watching her, though. She could feel it. It hadn't taken long once he came in and sat down that Jess was sauntering around him, flirting with the guy in front of him, and not so subtly swinging her hips. Bella tried not to roll her eyes.

"Bells," Tyler interrupted her thoughts. "We've got a grabby one on table four. Keep an eye open. Oh, and James wanted me to ask you to tend bar tonight."

Feeling a slight pang of disappointment, Bella nodded and gave a smile. "No problem."

As Tyler walked away, she saw the man at table number four motion her over. Swallowing hard, she held the tray like a shield in front of her and headed over. "What can I get you gentlemen?" She made sure to address the whole table, not just him. "We have our drafts on special right now..."

"We'll take two pitchers," one of the men ordered.

Scurrying away to get what they needed, she looked up to see Angela in pigtails doing her naughty school girl routine and found Lauren tending the bar. "Mr. Yummy over there is looking at you."

Bella just rolled her eyes as she loaded up her tray. "Um, Lauren? Is that not what this place is about?"

"Yeah but he's _really_ yummy and if Jess doesn't succeed at getting his attention soon I think she might throw out a hip."

Bella laughed, knowing exactly who Lauren was talking about but not really knowing what to say. Shrugging, she popped a maraschino cherry in her mouth and lifted the tray, heading back over to the men. They were definitely creepy but Bella knew the difference between creepy and dangerous. These men were nothing like the bastards who wanted to take advantage of a young girl. They just wanted a good time. Relaxing a little with this information, she told them to let her know if they needed anything else—though she specified that it would only be coming from the bar and not her personally—before heading over to 'Mr. Yummy'.

"Hey," she said, much more shyly than she had intended.

"Hey," he said with an amused expression. She let out a sigh of relief, having been worried that he would have been mad about the little fuck-and-run she'd pulled the night before.

"Want another beer?" she asked as she pulled the stem from the cherry that was still in her mouth and dropped it into the cigarette tray in front of him.

"Yeah," he nodded but his voice sounded funny. He had made this one word sound like the sexiest thing she'd ever heard. It made her wonder if they were both talking about the empty bottle in front of him.

"I'll be back with another one..." she said, giving him a smile and turning to leave. He reached out and took her arm with just enough force to stop her but it still made her tense. She may take her clothes off but she wasn't okay with the men touching her. Snapping herself out of her automatic reaction, she stepped towards him again to see what else he wanted.

"After you dance."

This was so not about beer. Her heartbeat sped up and she realized she was closer to him than was typical for her. Even Tyler must have sensed something because he was standing beside her in an instant. "Problem here, Bells?"

"No!" she said quickly. "No. He's...I know him."

"Okaaay," Tyler said slowly, looking between the two of them. "I'm right over there if you need me."

"I know, Ty. Thanks." Reluctantly, he walked away and even more reluctantly Bella managed to do the same but she went back to the bar. With his beer in hand and another pitcher for another table, she dropped it off in front of him without meeting his eyes. _Is he really going to wait around for me to get done at the bar again? It's almost one am...does he not work? He said something about his dad giving him a hard time._

She handed her tray over to Angela and made her way back to the dressing room. Slipping on a simple red bra with a skirted pair of panties, she slid on her red stockings with red lace garters and clipped them to the tight skirt. Typically, she didn't use the pole too much in her routines but decided that she needed the stationary object to get her through this tonight. There was no desire in her at all to dance but as soon as the music came on, she began her dance and tried to think of something to make her feel sexy. Sliding to the floor, she thought of sliding onto Edward's body and immediately she was ready to go. If anyone else was responding or watching her, she wouldn't have known. For the first time, her eyes never left Edward's throughout the whole song.

"James, I'm just stepping out for some fresh air. I'll be back before Lauren goes on. Jess is up there now and it's thinned out in here."

"No problem. Do you want Tyler to escort you?"

"No. I'll be back in like ten minutes!" she called over her shoulder as she headed to the doors. Edward stood and followed her like she knew he would.

As soon as she was behind his car, she turned and saw that he was only a few feet from her. "Just sex," she blurted and for a second she wondered if she was trying to convince her pounding heart of remind him of their agreement.

"I know," he said, his voice gravely. "We can't now, though. That big guy's going to be out here in a few seconds. He's worried about you and he saw me follow you out."

"When do you have to be up tomorrow?"

"Oh...I...uh...don't..."

"I have to stay for another hour or so. Can you wait?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said, pushing past him and going back to the club before calling over her shoulder, "Tyler loves sports cars and hockey. Make a friend. It will make your life a hell of a lot easier!"

**As always, thank you all for your continuing support with reviews and alerts. I do this for you guys and hope more than anything that you enjoy my efforts :) I'll send another preview to those who would like one, just leave a review and I'll make sure you get it. The next update should be Thursday or Friday. If you want to follow me on twitter you can find me letzigprincess. Thanks again, Letzigprincess xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 4**

**A Coaster Inspired Roller Coaster**

Bella tended the bar until it was time to close, at which time she had to practically wrangle Tyler away from Edward. They had been chatting like teenage boys about their toys since Edward had sat down at the bar and started talking to the big body guard. Things had really slowed down and James decided to lock up a little early. Now, the doors were locked and James gave her the go ahead to leave, all the while eying up Edward. "Sir," she said, every bit the professional. "We're closed." He smirked at her before pulling a ten from his wallet to pay for his drinks and heading out the door.

"You said you know him?" Tyler asked with piqued curiosity.

"Kind of," she shrugged, uncommitted. "Enough to know he's not batting for your team."

"Damn. Well, at least he's fun to chat with..."

"Come on, let's get the hell out of here," Bella urged, feeling giddy again and shoving her money into her pockets. It wasn't a very impressive night.

It was only the two of them left and Tyler made sure the doors closed behind him. "Cullen's still here," he said, nodding to the car that held his new friend.

"It's fine. Go home and enjoy a glass of wine for me."

"Will do. You sure you're okay? I can wait until you're in your car..."

"I want to talk to Edward anyway. Go."

"Hmm...I'm willing to bet he bats for your team..." he mumbled, walking over to his car. Bella emptied her pockets into her glove box and waited until Tyler pulled away. When it was just she and Edward, she approached his car. He opened the door and stepped out. Tonight, he wore jeans as usual and a white v-neck. With his hair already looking just-fucked, Bella swooned a little.

"Where?" Edward asked and she suddenly had trouble speaking...breathing.

Figuring she should probably suggest his place again, she realized how unseasonably warm it was outside and reveled in the quiet night. The only light was from the neon sign and they were the only two in the abandoned parking lot. Feeling brave, and ridiculously horny, Bella stepped towards him and lifted her t-shirt over her head, exposing the red bra. Grabbing her hand, Edward pulled her over to the building and into the alley behind it. "Are you insane?"

"No." She said it simply, as if there was nothing wrong with fucking by a dumpster. There was just no way in hell she could make it to his place...and they sure as hell weren't going to hers. There was a bench for the girls to smoke and relax on, though they could smoke inside. James just figured they might want to get away from things for a while on their breaks. Edward's lips looked delicious but she had to prove to herself that this meant nothing; last night was too intimate for her. Refusing to kiss him, she took his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the ground with her own. She had on a jean skirt that she slid on after her dance as it was the only bottoms she had that made it comfortable to keep on the skirted panties and stockings.

She undid his pants immediately after undoing the button on her skirt and pushing it down to her ankles. Bracing herself on the two sides of his zipper, she balanced herself and stepped one stiletto'd foot at a time out of the bunched up jean material. She heard him mutter an explicit 'fuck' as she stepped back from him. "Sit down."

He did as he was told but not before Bella caught him by a belt loop and reached for his crotch. Freeing his erection from his boxers, she took a second to appreciate it before gesturing to the bench again. She gave him a moment to fight with a condom and get comfortable. It was more awkward in the alley on the bench than it was in the apartment on the couch but once he was inside of her, it was as if the world was normal again. She threw her head back and allowed him to kiss her neck, as long as their lips didn't touch, this was just sex.

She loved that the panties were just basically a super-tight skirt. The bottom was open and she felt him run a finger underneath it, tracing the panty line it made as it hung to her hips with the material straining against the clipped spots that connected them to her stockings. His other hand worked over her leg, touching the silky stockings and then her skin. When both hands met behind her to cup her ass she realized her muscles were much more sore than earlier and she began having trouble keeping a good pace. Still cupping her, he lifted her up and down and she willingly let him take over.

As long as she was on top, she had control. She bent so far back when the orgasm ripped through her that she was surprised it wasn't painful for him. It mustn't be because seconds later, he grunted like it was a natural, primal thing and came with a shout of her name. When he let go of the death grip he had on her ass, she pulled herself up and off of him, running a hand through her hair and trying to regain her breath. "Thank fuck for dark alleys..." she muttered, licking her dry lips and trying to get her legs to move. Bending over, she slid on her jean skirt and then her shirt.

She watched him for a minute as he pulled himself up and tied the used condom before tossing it in the dumpster. He looked just as great as he felt. When he bent to pick up his own shirt, she turned and headed back down the alley to her car, looking around like she was paranoid that ninja's were going to jump out and attack her. _He probably thinks you're a total fucking nut job. At least you're a good fuck..._

Not even her mind could tear her down tonight. Checking the inside of her car before sliding in and locking the doors, Bella took a deep breath and drove away. Looking up, all she saw was Edward Cullen, just-fucked hair and all, leaning against his car and smoking a cigarette.

Bella woke up the next morning and the next few mornings after, noticing that a pattern was beginning to form. She'd wake up, test out her limbs to figure out which ones had survived her trysts with Edward, shower away her dirty guilt, avoid Jacob Black like the plague, shower again, go to work, fuck Edward, and then do it all over again in the morning. By the time Friday rolled around, Bella was having trouble looking herself in the eyes as she put her make up on in the bathroom mirror. As far as her conscious was concerned, she may as well take her red lipstick and write the word 'whore' in all caps across her face.

She felt off-kilter, a little twitchy, and completely disgusted with herself. The morning after the night by the dumpster, Bella had begun to feel that this was something she should not continue. Every night, she'd dance for him—only him, and her resolve would crumble right along with her dignity. It was getting harder to be okay with the other men gawking at her and God help the poor man who let a finger slip and accidentally touch her hand when she'd hand him a drink. It didn't matter, though. She could fight it all she wanted but her body betrayed everything in her that dictated what should have been right. She was addicted to Edward fucking Cullen.

The worst part was that he never even_ tried_ for more. That first night, the night she had walked out on him, it seemed that she had drawn a line between them. It was a line neither of them knew the starting or the end point. It was obvious that he wanted her just as bad as she wanted him but he kept a cool exterior up whenever she was around. She had been worried that he would not be able to handle the whole 'friends with benefits without the friends' part but he was doing so flawlessly.

Her body, it seemed, was growing acclimated to the workout she received every night. Every time it was fast, hard, and she was on top. A couple of times, they would go back to his apartment and the other times had been back on their bench. It all depended on whether or not he could stay late. If he could, then it was the alley. If he couldn't, it was his apartment where she'd meet him after work. They never spoke of their personal lives and they never asked each other questions. Along with that unknown boundary line were a lot of unwritten rules.

She knew, though, that she wasn't the only one with secrets. One night, Edward had turned away from her at a funny angle and she saw a nasty scar on his lower back. Just last night, she had noticed a fist size bruise on one of his ribs. It also wasn't lost on her that his knuckles were a little more scarred than almost anyone she knew and there were other strange white scars she had found on him. Normally, this would scream as a sign to run from him, that he was dangerous. Now, almost nothing he could do would drag her away from their arrangement. She was more dangerous to herself when she wasn't meeting up with him in dark corners of the city.

On this particular night, she was even more worked up than normal. The guilt was piling on high and a run in with Jacob Black did not help matters. The problem was that she was getting more and more worked up by the second. Edward's table was empty and she was to go on in five minutes. In the time since all this began, he had been their every single night. She worried for him, though quickly realized that she had no idea what to be worried for. She knew nothing about him except what he drove and where he lived. She knew his sister was pregnant, his father was being a pain, and his brother was getting married. None of this was reason for concern, at least not her concern.

"Bella, go, you're on!" Tyler called, looking at her like she was crazy and making his way over.

Feeling like her heels were actually bags of sand, she walked up onto the stage and tried to mentally prepare herself. It felt like months since she'd done this without him. There were plenty of men in the audience willing to oogle her and drool, throw money and admire. None of them were Edward. Mr. Yummy was not in the building. Closing her eyes, Bella let her mind conjure up some of her favorite trysts with Edward in the past week. Instead of indifference, Bella felt anger. As her eyes fell upon a hundred dollar bill which had just landed at her feet, she also felt shame.

When the song finally ended, Bella left the stage and immediately went to the dressing room. It wasn't until she got to her mirror that she realized she was shaking. Taking a deep breath, she realized that there was no air getting to her lungs. This was not the time for a panic attack. "Bells? Jesus, are you on something?" Angela asked, brushing Bella's hair away from her face and taking her hand to steady her.

"No. Anxiety," Bella choked out and allowed Angela to help her into a chair.

"Breathe, sweetie. Don't you be embarrassed about this. Every single one of our sorry bunch goes through this. Those men out there are nothing. They are just here for a good time. Did someone say something to you?"

"No...nothing like that. You better go. James will be looking for you."

"No one else is in here. I'll send for Tyler..."

"Thanks, Ang," Bella got out before watching her friend walk away.

_Those men are nothing. _Never had Bella felt that statement more true. Tyler came in then, a square worn-out coaster in his hand. "Here," he said, handing it to her.

"What the hell is this, Ty? Usually a glass of water would be set on it in this situation," Bella breathed out, grateful that she was taking breaths at all.

"I don't know. Lauren took the call. Said it was 'Mr. Yummy'. What the hell happened to you anyway?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

Tyler eyes her suspiciously before shaking his head. "Whatever. Go home, Bella. I'll tell James I sent you."

About to protest, Bella realized how tired she was from her little break down and shoved the coaster into her coat pocket, not even looking at it. An internal debate was waged inside of her as she went to her car and hit the steering wheel in frustration. This was never meant to happen. This was supposed to be about two people pleasing each other's needs and moving the fuck on. Break downs when he couldn't make it were never okay. It didn't fit in to their plan. Cranking the engine and then the radio volume, Bella headed home, uninterested in seeing what the coaster had to say.

Dumping everything on her cracked, stained counter and uneven floor, Bella pulled her bed down and stripped out of her whorish attire. She refused to cry as she realized her plans were failing and she was back to square one. Giddy, frustrated, and broken. Punching her pillow in an effort to make it seem a little fluffier than it was, Bella realized maybe that gym membership might still be a good idea after all...or even a kickboxing class. Her mind was turning, on an emotional roller coaster, and in her anger she chose to ignore the coaster altogether and close her eyes. She wouldn't know until the next morning what mistake that would turn out to be.

_Cold. That was the only way to describe how Bella felt, staring up at the ceiling that probably a hundred other girls had stared up at as well. She wondered how many other girls had been poked and prodded, probed and inspected, by the same sick bastards who were keeping her there. She tried to count herself lucky, tried to justify what the bastards were doing, at least she had a bed. There was a little girl in the next room over who was barely fourteen and sleeping on a foam mat on a concrete floor. _

_She thought back to the days before. It had been so few days ago that she had stumbled into Dr. Jackson's office, seeking a physician to sign her physical papers so that she could sign up for the college swim team. He looked so kind, so trusting, a plump, jolly old man. Of course, now she could seen why he was so damn jolly...and plump. He had money. He had friends who had money. He had girls that would work to make sure he kept his money. That's what it really all came down to. If you had money, you could have the world. Sure, you could be the richest bastard on the planet and have no friends because of it...but it didn't matter. You bought knew friends and moved on. Dr. Jackson had bought new friends with her body and he had moved the fuck on. _

_She shuddered as she remembered him stepping through the warehouse doors, literally rattling her cage after approaching her. She was surprised the cage wasn't already rattling, though, she was shaking hard enough to jostle the whole fucking warehouse. "Ah, Isabella. Your new owner will be here any second. You really are a pretty little thing. Too bad I can't keep you..."_

_She wanted to fight but knew that as long as he was out there and she was in the cage that it was pointless to try. She couldn't even spit on him because her mouth was completely dry from fear of what was about to happen to her. A man she would soon never forget came through the doors a second later, just as promised. He wasn't tall but he was muscular. His head was shaved and his eyes were a crystal blue that seemed to be completely empty. That's what scared her the most. Not the scars he was covered in, the tattoos he was sporting, or the muscles. It was the those damn, soulless eyes. _

_He stared at her, making her feel chills throughout her entire body. If Dr. Jackson was someone who could be Santa Clause at a local mall, this man was just bad. After a few more excruciating moments, he handed the good doctor a thick, yellow envelope and gave only a nod. As the doctor walked away, all Bella wanted to do was yell for him to come back, that she'd stay with him. She would do whatever he wanted as long as she wasn't left with this man. _

_Mike Newton. When she had first been brought to the make shift 'tents' the girls were inspected in that day after she was first bought, she fought when it was time to get out of the creepy bastard's car. Her leg, though, was caught under the floor mat in the back of his car and she ended up falling face first. No one bothered to help her, they just let her fall, knowing she had no control of her arms and that she could not stop herself from falling. She'd busted her lip open and when she heard the creepy bastard approach, she braced herself for a shit storm. A voice she didn't recognize sounded above her as he wrenched her up onto her feet. "Mike...man...she's feisty..."_

_Creepy bastard took her into one of the tents and ripped her blind fold off so she could see him stare at her again. Another man came in shortly after and addressed the man as if he was an old friend. "Newton, how are you today?"_

_Bile rose in her throat as she thought of how chummy these two were, as if they were just discussing the weather. She hadn't been fully panicked yet and could remember thinking that Mike Newton couldn't possibly be a dangerous man. He sounded like he belonged on his own Nick at Night special with that name of his. No, at the time, she was brave and convinced. Convinced that her father would find her, that it was only a matter of time before he ripped down those tent walls and carried her to the safety of their home. _

_Staring up at the ceiling a few months later, Bella knew that was never going to happen. As soon as they checked her over that first day, she learned that she was in a completely different state in a completely different part of the United States. She was actually surprised she wasn't in another country, not even aware that shit like this happened in the wonderful U. S. of A. Shit like teenage girls being stolen, bought and traded like cattle only to be treated worse than their barnyard equals. _

_A familiar jangle made her shoot up in bed and stare at the door. Opi, a bear of a man, stood with his knife in one hand and keys in the other. "Izzy,let's go. Clean yourself up a little bit, fucking whore..."_

_Cringing at the awful name, given to her by this exact cronie of Mike's, Bella looked down at herself. She had no idea how to clean herself up when all she had was the one outfit and no running water. Running her hands through her hair, she slid on her shoes and sent up silent prayers to anyone who might have been listening to her. It would be another two months that she would realize no one was listening...or more than likely...no one gave a shit. _

This time when Bella woke with a start, she didn't have to untangle herself from her sheets, she was already on the floor. Shivering, she grabbed her blanket off the bed and stayed where she was, pulling the comforter tightly around herself. She was tired of crying so she just pressed her cheek to the cold floor and closed her eyes.

Thankful that the dream had ended there, she remembered what that particular man had in store for her that particular night, she knew that she would have been totally shaken. Even more so than she was now. This was no way to live. The thought hit her then. _You aren't living. You're doing exactly what those men did to you. You're doing exactly what you fought against for two years of your life. You're selling your body. _

Her mind tried to fight her conscious, telling it that she at least was seeing the money. That if they came for her, ever again, she'd have the means to fight back. To run. She would have options. Reaching across the floor she pulled over the jacket she wore last night and emptied its contents onto the floor. Three hundred. In one night. In one, slow night. There was something else there, something bigger and thicker than the green notes. A coaster. She realized her mistake. Perhaps she could have avoided the dream if she'd just looked at the damn thing before going to sleep.

Sitting up quickly, her stubborn anger completely out the window, she flipped it over and saw what was written. In almost illegible writing, like someone had spilled water on the ink before it could dry, Bella made out an address. 186 Dunnings Way.

Bella stood with swollen eyes and sore lungs, looking up at the large building in front of her. At first, she had refused to get out of the car, as it looked like one, big warehouse. The building was rather new looking, nothing like the old, dilapidated warehouses she was used to seeing in her small town back home. This building had windows covering the entire front, though they were all blacked out. The bottom few rows were plastered with posters and flyers. After almost a half hour of staring at the menacing building, she took a deep breath and got out of the car slowly. Approaching the glass giant like it would come alive and bite her, she didn't even bother to try the front door when she got close enough to it. There was a padlocked chain tied through the two handles.

Shaking her head, Bella just turned back to her car when she heard heels on the sidewalk behind her. "Can I help you?" a woman with curly blonde hair and a mini-dress asked.

"No...um...I'm sorry. I found this address but I must be mistaken..."

"Did you see it on a flyer or something?"

"No...just never mind."

The blonde frowned, eying Bella up and down. "Follow me."

Bella just shifted her weight and looked at the girl. "Huh?"

"Are you deaf? Follow me. We're closed right now but I can tell you need a drink."

"That's okay. I don't want to burden you. I'll stop back..."

"Whatever. I was just trying to be friendly." The girl was gone before Bella could figure out what just happened, who the girl was, or where she even came from. Confused, Bella shook her head and made it back to her car. There had to be a reason why Edward left her that particular address. Was he there partying and expected a booty call? _Wow, so it's okay to fuck him every night...as long as he pays to get into your place of work?_

Frustrated with him and with herself, she made her way back to her apartment and saw that the 'book store' was looking rather empty. Deciding to risk a Jacob Black encounter, she braved her favorite store and headed straight to the back. To her surprise, her book had been returned and she grabbed it quickly, as if it would disappear again at any moment. Plopping down into her favorite, comfy chair, Bella stretched out and lost herself in her favorite guilty pleasure. Well, at least the one that didn't involve Edward fucking Cullen.

**I hope you are still enjoying this. Please give me some feedback...and if it's bad feedback, try to be nice :) There of course will be a preview waiting if you do so and the next update will be sometime towards the beginning of the week. Love, Letzigprincess xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 5**

**Taking a Hint**

"Mr. Yummy at six o'clock," murmured Lauren from behind the bar. Bella froze mid-pour and almost allowed the tap to run cold beer down her arm. She had no idea what to say after the strange visit to the address he had given her. In fact, she had no idea what to say about anything._ You really need to say it's over. Tell him politely that this can't happen again. _

Instead, Bella looked in the direction that Lauren had spoken of and saw him sitting at his usual table. He had on his typical tee and jeans and he seemed somewhat amused by Jessica. Tonight, she decided to make sure she got to wait on him. Bella surely would have noticed him not too long after he came in and Jessica had managed to not only notice him but also to bring him a beer. Trying not to frown, Bella tried to buy herself time and figured she'd let Jess handle him for the night. He seemed nervous and flicked his cigarette over the ash tray, barely noticing that Angela was even on stage.

Walking right past him, Bella greeted the table of college boys that had come in and set their pitchers in front of them. They all seemed nice enough and she could tell from their clothes that they had money, or at least their parents did. Instead of her usual, 'here's your beer, have fun' attitude, she actually stuck around to chit-chat with them. There were a lot of people that needed their orders taken yet and she noticed that James even had the new girl, Victoria, out on the floor. Sauntering away from the young group, she headed over to a few of the older clientele and noticed they needed new beers.

She was busy, shuffling back and forth from table to table for close to an hour. Stealing glances at Edward, she noticed he was definitely no longer amused with Jessica. Every time Bella looked over, he was watching her, completely ignoring his waitress. When there were only five minutes before she was to take the stage, she decided it was time to face him. Taking a deep breath, she started towards him. There was a shy smile on her face and she wanted to kick herself for acting this way. "Hey."

"Hey," he said, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on the high table.

That was all. There was no guilt trip, no noticeable tension, nothing. It was just him, keeping his cool, and waiting for her to speak. For whatever reason, this was harder to face than him seeming slightly offended over her not showing up the night before or for leaving him with Jess all night. Clenching a fist, she tried to think of what to say to him. After what felt like years, Bella looked him in the eye and gave a small smile. "I can't meet with you after this tonight. I'm not feeling well. I should have told you earlier...you don't have to stay..."

"Tyler's not here," Edward said with an almost questioning tone.

"No. He's not," Bella confirmed. "His mom had some type of surgery today. He's home with her."

"Oh."

"Look, you really don't have to stay..."

"In case you haven't noticed, I come here to see you. If I was here for the other girls, I'd be glued to a seat by the stage. I didn't just sit here for two hours to leave ten seconds before you go on. Go do your thing; I'll make sure you get to your car after...I can even follow you home to make sure you get there safely. If Tyler's not here..."

"No! Really, you don't have to follow me. I'll be fine."

He looked offended and gave a frown. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a stalker or something..."

"No, it's fine. I have to go. I'm needed onstage."

Edward just nodded and gave a half smile, lighting another cigarette. Bella really did feel sick for lying to him; he was always so kind to her. Their relationship was too intense, too intimate, and it needed to stop. If it didn't, if she decided to pursue this any further, she feared that there would be more nights of loneliness, of nightmares. As Bella finished up and walked back offstage to get her things to leave, she saw that he was heading towards the doors. If he didn't believe she was sick, he had to now. That had to have been the worst performance she'd given in her time there.

Giving the same lie to James, that she wasn't feeling well, Bella headed to her car and couldn't help the warmth she felt as she saw him standing by his own. He just nodded at her, almost like a salute, and watched her get in. She sat there, her hand lingering on the buckle after clicking it into place. It was then that the warmth turned to a bit of fear...she just didn't know of what. As he got into his own car, she noticed he didn't pull out after her; in fact he had turned off the road she was on and headed in a different direction. As her paranoia went away and she rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness, she grasped the steering wheel tighter. The fear was back and this time, she knew what was wrong. This, what had just happened between them, felt like a goodbye.

Bella relived the night she was examined in the makeshift tent for the first time and when she woke up, she wasn't surprised that her voice was so hoarse she could barely talk. There had been a lot of protesting done on her part, a lot of begging that she wasn't proud of, and then a lot of crying when she eventually just let them do what they wanted with her. She woke up on the floor again, shaking and feeling like a scared kitten whose owners had just tossed it into an ice cold lake. Everything had gotten so out of hand in just a few short weeks, she had to fix this.

That night, she waited to see if Edward would show, already knowing in her heart that he wouldn't. When it came time to go on stage, his table was empty and she gave another mediocre at best performance. James tried to talk her into going home; to getting some more rest, but her time to sleep was what was draining her of every drop of energy. The dreams refused to go away. She stayed until close that night, despite Tyler's prodding for answers as to why she didn't feel well. When he caught her eyes wandering over to one specific, empty table, he seemed to nod and back off. _He thinks you're in love with him! He thinks you two are having a little lover's spat!_

Bella just let him think what he wanted. Over the next couple of days, she continued doing what she had always done and she honestly thought she was managing to forget her addiction. There was even a couple nights that she had gone to the twenty-four hour gym with Tyler. It helped but it wasn't what she craved. Her dreams kept replaying themselves: waking up in a cage, being bought by Mike Newton, being examined...it just played on and on as if she was stuck in hell reliving those moments over and over again.

She considered leaving a few times, taking her money and traveling to yet another state. This time, it wasn't because she was running from her past. For the first time in her life, she would be running from the present. Just when she thought she could do it, she'd think of how well she had it. She'd worked for some real bastards but honestly felt of the North Pole crew as a kind of family, complete with her slutty sister named Jessica and a protective older brother by the name of Tyler Crowley. James wasn't a bad guy to work for, the clients were fairly respectful with all things considered, and she made a decent amount of money. It paid under the table, kept her off the grid for a paper trail, and still offered her the protection of a body guard while she was there. It scared her to think of what could be if she did choose to run. _You have it good here, dummy! You could be out on the street corner, strutting your stuff for far less money and much more danger. _

Every time the idea came to mind, she decided to stay right where she was. These feelings couldn't go on forever. Eventually, she had to get better and she would hold out this hope. On Thursday of that week, she couldn't bring herself to read her favorite story, the hard sex reminded her far too much of a certain 'Mr. Yummy' and so she found herself browsing the goody-goody feel good section for something sappy and cavity creating. Settling on a book with a dove and a heart on the front cover, Bella flipped absently through it when Jacob came in.

_Great, this is all I need right now. Can he not take a hint? _"Hey, Bella!" he greeted her cheerfully.

_Nope. Hint not taken. _"Oh hey, Jacob. How are you today?"

"Good but you look like shit. Want to talk about it?" She opened her mouth, searching for a response to that and giving up. "I bet I know what could make you happy..."

_Can't wait to hear this one. _"What's that?"

"Come watch my friends' band with me. You can bring your friend! The one who's birthday is today!"

"Jacob...I don't know..."

"Here, just let me give you my number..."

"I don't have a cell phone," Bella blurted out, and that was totally true. She really didn't.

"Who doesn't have a cell phone?"

"Me. Jake, I..."

"You live across the street. It's almost five now. I'll be waiting at the bottom of your apartment steps at eight. The band starts at nine. At least consider it."

She saw the look of rejection on his face and blanched. She was sure James wouldn't mind giving her the night off, Victoria was holding her own on stage and she could fill in for Bella. Tyler would talk him into it even if he would at first say no. Bella tried to remember when the last time was that she was out with someone at night who wasn't either fucking her in an alley, in his apartment, or watching her perform at the club. Taking a deep breath, she bit her lip and relented. "I'll go under one condition and please don't take offense to this...we are only going as friends. This isn't a date. This isn't a fling. This is just two friends going to listen to a band. Understood?"

Jacob let out a sigh of relief, his cheerfulness returning. "Absolutely. Got it."

"Alright. I'll see you at eight."

Standing up, she tossed the book she really wasn't reading into the return basket and headed back across the street. After making the appropriate calls to James and then Tyler, she looked for something that didn't scream 'stripper' that was acceptable to wear to a bar. She chose a pair of skinny jeans and a steel gray tank top. Her hair had finally dried from her shower and she let it flow in waves down her back. She wondered what bar they would be headed to, her mind drifting to the coaster.

Jacob was there at eight sharp, his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the railing of the stairs outside. "Hey, Jacob."

"Hey! I brought the Rabbit. Hope you don't mind, it's a little old..."

Bella looked behind him at the dilapidated car and tried not to convey that she found it to be pretty amusing. Her smile faded when she realized he wanted to drive both of them to wherever they were going. She grasped for a likely story to tell him so that she could take her own car but changed her mind when she realized she was being ridiculous. Jacob Black was harmless. "Not at all. I'm ready when you are."

He obviously knew she had lied about the friend, as no one was with her, but he never brought it up. It wasn't until they were heading down the roads she had taken herself just about a week prior that she began to really wonder. Before they even arrived at the Dunnings Way building, Bella knew where they were going without even having to ask Jacob. A line of people stood behind a plush, red rope where a large man was standing guard. Pulling his cell phone out, Jacob talked to a friend of his and soon Jacob was motioning her out of the car. His phone was still up to his ear as he headed towards the line but before they could reach it, another Native American guy was at the entrance, cell phone in hand, waving them in. Had Jacob not taken her hand and pulled her past everyone, she wouldn't have even realized the guy meant them.

The club, beautifully named Twilight Moon, was one monstrous building. She couldn't help but to become scared, this place held a lot of people. A large, lit up bar stood in the center of the building on the ground floor. A stage was at the head of the room, obviously set up for a band, and there were tables that formed a u-shape around the dance floor in front of it. Purple, gold, and red lanterns hung above them. If you looked up, you could see the see floor to what was obviously a second floor. People were coming and going up and down the stairs, drinks in hand, and Bella felt her attention pulled back to the ground floor as Jacob motioned her over to a table just off the dance floor.

"Bella, this is Seth, Leah, Paul, Sam, Emily, Quil, and Embry. Everyone, this is Bella."

"Nice to meet you!" Emily yelled over the music playing from the speakers set up in the room.

Bella took the empty seat beside her as a group of five guys went up on the stage. One of Jacob's friends, she already couldn't remember all their names, yelled to them, "They're first, we're second!"

"You all play?" Bella asked, surprised.

"No. Just Leah, Paul, Sam, and Embry. The rest of us are just here for moral support," Quil replied.

"How many bands are on tonight?"

"Three."

"An hour and a half each?"

"Yup!"

"Well, we're going to be here awhile, what do you want to drink, Bella?"

The first band began warming up and Bella headed towards the bar with Jacob. She recognized the blonde from the other day and hoped she wouldn't be recognized. There was no such luck. "Ah, you've returned," the girl smirked, handing someone a bottle of beer and punching it into the register.

"Yeah, sorry about that. It was...an off day..."

"No worries. Here. You still look like you could use this! It's on the house," the girl yelled, handing her a bright blue concoction.

"That's not necessary...I don't want you getting into trouble on my behalf. How much?"

"None and I won't be in trouble. I promise. Let's just say I know the owners very, very well," She raised her eyebrows suggestively and Bella smiled at her. Jacob grabbed his beer and headed with her back to the table. The night went on rather uneventfully and they watched as the first band went on, got the crowd wound up, and then said their goodbyes. They were good, kind of a punk rock cover band.

Jacob's friends were up next and were named 'The Pack'. At least that's what Bella gathered as she saw those two words taped in white on the front of Paul's drum kit. They sang some stuff Bella recognized but also songs that Jacob pointed out were originals written by them. Each song was fast but Leah had an awesome voice and could convey emotion well. Sam and Embry were on either side of Leah, both with guitars in hand. Bella was sure one was a bass but had no idea how to tell them apart.

It wasn't until their last few songs that she realized she needed to slow down with the fun, blue liquid. She wasn't drunk but she was definitely feeling different. Guilt for missing work popped up in her mind and she tried to tell herself it was fine. When they were finished, she almost began to feel panicked and decided the best thing for her would be to get away from all of these people for at least a few minutes. Leaning over, she yelled to Jake that she was going out for some fresh air before standing and telling him she'd be okay on her own. She was almost out the door when she took one, absent look back towards the stage. 'The pack' was quickly loading their equipment but that's not why she stopped so suddenly that the person behind her slammed into her back.

There were three other guys on the stage and one of them was Edward. She just stood there, staring at the three, in total shock. The big guy Bella recognized as none other than the groom helped Paul lift the drums offstage. If she remembered correctly, this man was Edward's brother. The blonde groomsman was also there, messing with an amp and floor pedals. Of course, Edward adjusted the mic stand and tapped it with his finger. Bella thought of where those fingers had been on her body and found herself drooling a little bit. _It's a small fucking world!_

It felt like months instead of days that she had seen him last and she couldn't seem to make her legs want to move toward their original destination. Instead, she went back to Jacob and his friends. "I thought you needed some air?"

"Not now," she said, slightly in awe and still staring at the stage.

"Okay," Jacob said slowly, turning to congratulate his friends.

Before Bella knew it, a straight beat came from the bass drum, followed by some high-hats and a little bass. About five bars in, Edward Cullen began to sing. It wasn't quite what she'd expected it was as hard as it was soft. It was as gruff as it was soulful. His voice was just as smooth on stage as it was off. There was definitely swooning happening to Bella as she watched him, she became transfixed on what he was doing. The irony was not lost on her that she would come here to find him on stage, just as he had found her just a couple weeks ago.

He didn't see her there until the end of the second song and she was grateful that it wasn't in the middle during the more noticeable parts. When his eyes locked with hers, she knew it. His voice wavered a little and he seemed flustered for a moment. "He's good, isn't he?" Emily called over to Bella. All she could do was nod in agreement; she couldn't have moved her gaze from his if her life depended on it.

Before she knew it, they were done playing and packing up. Jacob hadn't spoken since before they started playing and now that they were on their last song, he decided to go dance this last one with Leah. Bella felt bad, she really did, if he thought she had been leading him on. He was a good person but definitely not the man she wanted.

As soon as the song finished, Edward left the mic there, and Bella noticed the rest of them did the same. The club was clearing out a little bit with it getting so late. He was still looking at her and she vaguely heard Jacob tell her that he was going to help his friends load up their van as all of their equipment was still beside the stage. She thought she gave him a nod but honestly couldn't remember. At that point, Edward Cullen had exited stage right and was coming towards her.

As if by some unknown force, Bella stood up when he was about three feet from her, it was an automatic reaction, something almost biological. She expected an indifferent 'hey' just like he had dished out to her the last night he had been at the club. She knew what to say to that. Instead, he caught her off guard by saying nothing at all. Her hand was resting on the high table in front of her and he took it as if it was a glass of water and he was thirsting to death. He didn't stop there; he pulled her towards stairs that lead up to the second floor.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Jacob frowning at them and with an apologetic look, mouthed "I'll be back." She didn't even get the chance to take in the lavish décor or the expensively dressed people partying around them. Holding her hand like a vice grip, he pulled her into a small room. It almost looked like a board room, though why a board room would be in a club, she had no idea. It didn't matter, though, they could have been in a room full of poisonous snakes and she wouldn't be able to dwell on it. The scent of his cologne invaded her senses and before she could stop him, his lips were on hers.

For a moment, she attempted to resist, her heart beating out of her chest. This time, though, it wasn't for want of him. It was out of fear. This was too much, too personal, too...everything. Despite her sweating palms and anxiety, she couldn't stop his passionate lips against hers and when he tongue licked along her lower lip, she allowed him in. He tasted like some type of whiskey, a hint of cigarettes, and just...sweet.

It took him taking a step back from her to realize that she was standing stalk still and no longer responding to his touch. "If this isn't okay, you need to tell me now."

Instead of responding to what he said, she shook her head as if to clear it. "Why haven't you stopped by the club?"

Leaning back against a table, he ran a hand through his hair. "I can take a hint, Bella. It was obvious you didn't want me around that last night. I thought you were done with me."

_Done with him? _"Then why this? Why kiss me?"

"You came to see me, I thought..."

"I didn't know you would be here..."

He scoffed and she had no idea why he was being like this. "I don't understand."

"I thought you were here to...The Pack." He shook his head, as if everything now made sense. "You came to see your friends. Once again, hint taken. I get it. Look, you should go back to the guy who I saw watching you the entire time I was on stage. I didn't mean to pull you away...I just thought..."

"He's just a friend..."

"So he can be a friend but I'm only able to be a 'friend with benefits without the friends part'? You're tired of me so you decided to find someone else to get your...benefits." He said it without being accusatory, he just sounded defeated.

"Being friends with me is...not good. It's a curse, Edward. I'm not a good person."

"Are you in trouble?"

"Please, just don't. Don't try to get involved."

"Fine. Let's get you back downstairs to your friends," he said quietly, pushing past her and opening the door. She had to drag herself to the door, the sand bags once again attaching themselves to her shoes. When she finally made it to the doorway, Edward put his arm across to touch the other side, preventing her from leaving. "Bella, I don't want this end."

"This isn't good for you." She wanted it to sound strong, powerful, but it came out lifeless.

"Please, just talk to me."

Looking across his arm to the people outside, she shook her head, realizing she was fighting tears. He hadn't seen her cry in the alley by a dumpster; he was not going to see her cry in a nightclub. "I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never intended to upset you like this."

Instead of pushing herself out the door, she knew he'd move if she fought against him, she grabbed his arm and all but hauled him over to the table. Shoving him back, she tried to remain calm, tried to remain a temptress instead of the emotional wreck that she was. Just as she grabbed at his belt buckle, their all too familiar dance beginning again, she felt Edward's hands take her arms and push them to her side.

"No." He said it with authority, with all the power she wished she had earlier...that she still wished she could have now. "I won't do this again. Not now. Not fucking here. If you want me, you can have me in my home. In my bed. No more of this shit!"

Feeling like she'd been slapped, she moved from him yet again, now desperately fighting to keep her composure. _Why does he care? Why does he want to wait until we're at his apartment when he can take me now? Why bother with me like this? _

He lifted himself up and pushed off the table, bringing his arms out and wrapping her in them. She froze again, her chest screaming from lack of air. _You can't do this now. Come on, Bella. Push the anxiety down! _She fought with herself as her body tried to take in air even though it felt like there was ten tons of cement pressing on her chest.

He didn't let go and she didn't try to make him. He just held on. Eventually, his voice broke through her screaming panic. "Who did this to you? Who the fuck hurt you so badly that you are satisfied with meaningless sex behind a shitty ass night club beside a fucking dumpster?"

_It wasn't meaningless. Please, don't think it was meaningless. It meant everything! _That's when the tears started. At first, she thought maybe she was just shaking from the panic attack. She realized now that she was sobbing. "This is all I know. This is what I know."

"Bullshit. I don't know who did this but I know that you didn't do it to yourself. If you won't tell me, then fine. I'm not leaving you like this, not tonight, not by yourself."

_I'm such a mess. I'm an ugly fucking mess. Why isn't he running? Why is he still fucking here? _Angry now, Bella clenched her fists. "What does it matter? Do you not see how royally fucked up I am? I don't want your damn pity! I never wanted anyone's pity!"

"Bella! Bella, stop. Please, just come back to my place with me."

_What? Is he insane? _"I have to tell Jacob..." She immediately stopped, shocked as hell that instead of protesting his suggestion, that was all she could muster. _Swan, what the fuck is wrong with you? This man can't fix you! You are ruined._

"I'll handle Jacob," he said quickly, squeezing her one more time and exiting the room before she could respond.

Maybe he sensed that she needed time alone, that she needed to think, to sort things out. Maybe he just really disliked Jacob. Maybe he was just acting like a protective boyfriend. Well, not acting about the protective part but definitely acting about the boyfriend part. _Listen to yourself! It wasn't bad enough that you treated him like a piece of meat but now you are letting him act like he's actually protecting you? You're going to allow him to think that Jacob is a potential danger and never reveal what the true danger is?_

Bella had no idea how long she stood there on the second floor in a board room of a night club. She tried to remember all the steps she had taken to end up there. This was the first night she had ever missed work at the strip club since they hired her unless she was ill or they were slow enough that she didn't need to go in. This was the first time she was out of her apartment this late at night unless she was working. _What the hell are you doing? This isn't you. You are only here to survive, not socialize!_

When a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, she wiped her tears. If it was Edward, surely he wouldn't be knocking. Edward peeked in and must have been satisfied that she didn't look too, too bad because he opened the door the rest of the way. There was someone behind him. Two men looking for her was never a good thing and an instinct from long ago slammed into her. Cold flooded her veins for a few fleeting seconds, then she saw who it was and immediately let her shoulders drop in relief.

**Thank you so much to all of you who are leaving reviews and putting me on alert! It keeps my fingers typing :) Also, I just want everyone to know that I'm not considering the story 'dark' because of a Darkward character. This Edward definitely has his secrets but that isn't the issue here, it's mainly Bella's past. I know some of you have trouble reading about the types of things that happened to her and I don't want to upset anyone. If you're still with me, I'm glad and will send you a preview if you send me a review. The next update will be at the end of the week. Love, Letzigprincess xx **


	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 6**

**Giving Him One Night**

"He wanted to see for himself that I didn't murder you up here," Edward said by way of explanation.

If she looked as bad as she felt, Jacob didn't notice it because he looked back and forth from her to Edward and then shook his head. "He says you aren't feeling well. That you are an old friend and he'll make sure you're okay before taking you home."

"Yeah, um, thanks for inviting me out here. I had a lot of fun."

She couldn't believe how strong her voice was. _Why couldn't it be this way with Edward? Why do I turn into a weepy girl with him but can lie through my teeth to Jacob? _Jacob stepped forward then and gave her a hug, which she also found was easier to accept than a hug from Edward. "I'll see you around, Bella."

Reluctantly he left and Bella began to feel exhaustion set in. "Give me one night," Edward said, approaching her. "Just let me have this and if you want to leave for good tomorrow, I won't come around again."

Finally relenting, Bella nodded her head and gave a small smile. "We can't go back to my place..."

"No. Just come home with me. Come on, we've already had sex, what are you afraid of?"

Bella realized with a fierce self-loathing that any other girl in this position would be afraid of just that, going home with a stranger and fearing that he'd take advantage of her. That he would make her do sexual things that she wasn't comfortable with. She hated that it wasn't the sex she was afraid of. It was the vulnerability, the _feeling_. He was asking for just one night. He had let her use him all of this time, she could let him have this.

"One night."

They made their way down to the bar again, pushing through crowds of people who were getting more and more animated as the night went on. Edward never took is hand from her waist, holding them hip to hip. When they were at the bottom of the stairs, Edward told her he'd be back, that he had to say goodbye. She had no idea what he was talking about but she didn't want him to be seen with her. If whoever he was saying goodbye to had seen her at her place of work, she didn't want to embarrass him that way. "I'll wait here."

He looked at her with a frown but then nodded. She couldn't stop watching him as he made his way to the bar in the middle of the room. He didn't stop in front of it, though. He went around to the side and just lifted the spot where the top lifted, which allowed him to go behind it. He gave the blonde a hug and was just about to leave again when someone surprised him. A very pretty someone. From where Bella was standing, she could see that the woman was small and thin. Bella couldn't see her face to get an idea of how old she was but there was definitely affection from Edward towards this woman. _He said he's not married. _

The dark-clothed woman forced him into a hug and gave him a quick kiss very close if not on his lips. Bella didn't even realize she was walking towards them until Edward turned from the woman and looked surprised to find her there. "Who is she?" Bella asked as he put an arm around her again and lead her to the back of the building instead of the front.

"Why do you look so upset?" he replied, tightening his grip on her.

"I saw her kiss you...you said you weren't..."

"You saw... Bella, are you jealous?" he was genuinely amused now, looking like a little kid.

"You'd be pissed if Jacob kissed me, would you not?"

"Hell yeah I'd be pissed but, believe me, you have no reason to be worried..."

"So she's just a friend?" Bella asked dryly, wondering if her statement about Jacob just being a friend was going to come back to bite her in the ass.

"No," he countered simply, "she's my mother."

"Holy shit, I'm sorry!" Bella never felt so embarrassed in her life and she had been put through more humiliating shit than anyone she'd ever known.

He just chuckled. "It's fine. I like knowing that kisses from other girls make you jealous."

She let his statement linger, pretending it wasn't said, not wanting to over think it. "Did you tell her you had an emotionally damaged stripper waiting for you to go home with?"

"No. I told her a friend of mine stopped in. That this friend needed someone to be a friend. So, here I am, being a friend. Now get in and put your seat belt on."

A comfortable silence fell over them as they made their way to his apartment. "Who was the other girl?" she asked after some time. "The blonde that you spoke to first."

"That would be the wonderful, frightening, Miss Rosalie Hale. Soon-to-be Mrs. Emmett Cullen."

"Ah, the future sister-in-law from hell."

"She's not as bad as I made it sound. I was having a really bad time that night I told you about her and Emmett's wedding. She loves my brother fiercely."

"Does she know who I am?"

"No. She didn't see you leave with me and I haven't breathed a word of any of what's been going on with us to anyone in my family."

_So he is ashamed. Great. First, you get jealous of his mother then he tells you he's too embarrassed of you to tell his family anything. Yeah, this is a great relationship you've got yourself into Bella. Good call on hanging back while he talked to them. _"Do they both work there?"

"You don't know? I thought you knew... Bella, my family owns it. Well, this one is Emmett's pet project. My father owns a club just a few miles away and we are thinking of opening another about a half hour from that one. My mother hates the family business. She was just there tonight to drop off some stuff for Rosalie. Rose is working on the center pieces for Alice's baby shower."

"Oh."

"Are you hungry? I know a Chinese place that's open late and has amazing food. It's like five minutes from my place. We can park the car and walk over."

"Um...sure," Bella agreed readily but she was surprised. She expected him to take her straight up the elevator to finish what they started at the club. _I must really look like hell._

He pulled into the parking garage after a few pleasantries to the man working the gate. After finding his usual spot, he got out and came around to open the door for her. Bella hated that instead of the warm feelings one felt when a man did something courteous like this, she felt afraid when she remembered other men opening doors for her. Those men hadn't done it to be kind, they did it because they had to pull her from the car as she resisted. He just opened it and stepped back. Relief rushed through her that he didn't take her arm or hand to try to help her up.

The restaurant was actually really busy for the late hour and she swore that Edward ordered half of the menu. "We'll just get a bunch and share," he had suggested after she looked at the menu and squinted like it was a foreign language to her...which it kind of _was_.

When the waiter brought out their food, the entire table was covered in lo-mein, hot and cold shrimp, chicken with red and brown sauces in bowls next to it, things on a stick Bella had never seen before, and egg rolls. A few minutes later, even more came. This time, it was a large serving plate with two little pink cakes, some type of wafers, fruit, and a fortune cookie for each of them. Edward laughed at the wide-eyed girl across from him, even though he had a mouth full of food.

"What is this?" she asked, picking up a stick and studying it. While it seemed he had already sampled a little of everything, she was just checking everything out.

He swallowed some lo-mein and rolled his eyes, "Just try it."

The look she gave him must have been a truly horrified one because he set down his fork-he'd admitted that he was horrible with chopsticks. "Trust me."

She swallowed hard but decided to go for it. Her trust in him was terrifying. Pinching a piece with her fingers, she pulled it off and carefully put it in her mouth. It was chicken with what tasted like a smokey, sweet sauce. "It's just chicken teriyaki. It's totally safe. I promise," smiled Edward. She ate the rest of the piece of chicken and took a drink of her water. Bella remembered back to when she'd been forced to go on outings with some of the bastards. They always worried about her gaining weight and so she would pick at the food they'd deemed appropriate for her to eat...or she'd just sit and watch them, unable to indulge at all.

"What next?" Bella asked, slightly giddy at all of the options.

"Whatever you want."

Cautiously, she picked up her fork and stabbed a piece of chicken with smooth batter over it. Biting into it, she smiled and caught Edward smiling at her in return. Taking his own fork, he dipped another piece gently into the red liquid beside it. "Try this," he said, holding it out to her. Reaching for the fork, he pulled it back and then held it towards her again, the message was obvious. If she wanted it, she'd have to let him feed it to her.

Her heart raced at this simple gesture and she leaned forward and bit down gently, pulling it off with her teeth. The sauce was delicious and enhanced the chicken to the point that her mouth was watering for more. This gave her the new-found confidence to indulge and she ate three more pieces before scooping lo-mein onto the empty plate in front of her. Edward watched quietly, not saying anything but his concern was evident. When she noticed, she stopped mid-chew and turned red.

"Don't be shy. I love that you're eating. You're so thin, Bella." Bella withered a little with his statement. _Am I _too_ thin? _Edward's voice cut through her self-criticism. "Hey, I didn't mean it that way. You're fucking gorgeous, Bells."

They went back to eating in silence but she had lost the hunger she felt a few moments ago. When neither could eat anymore of the main course, Edward pulled the dessert plate over and took a bite of the pink cake. He closed his eyes, reveling in the taste, and Bella felt tightening in her belly. She had seen this before, the look he had on his face right after he came. She tried some of the cake herself and found it to be very light and sweet. "Delicious, isn't it?"

"I love it."

When the cake was gone and she refused any of the wafers, he handed her a fortune cookie. "Open it and I'll open yours. Tell me what my fortune is."

She fought with the plastic wrapper for a while before finally getting to crack the cookie open. Gently pulling the sliver of paper out, she read it to herself before clearing her throat. "If you love those around you, you love yourself."

Edward contemplated that for a moment. "Well put," he agreed with a grin.

"What's mine?" Bella asked, feeling like a little kid. She really just expected it to say something about it being her lucky day or that fortune was on the horizon, it was just different waiting for Edward to read it to her.

He cleared his throat much like she had and sat up straight, as if he was delivering the most important speech of his life. When he began to talk, though, he relaxed and his voice came out soft but steady. "Give a man one night and he'll give you forever."

_He has to be making that up. There's no way in hell that's what that damn, indifferent, unknowing slip of paper could possibly say. No fucking way. What do I say to that? _Of course, her mind had to argue, kicking in to chastise her. _Yeah, like he'd make that up! He just wants to get you back to the apartment and into bed. You really think he'll give you anywhere near forever when he finds out about you? When he knows you're nothing but a whore?_

"It doesn't say that," Bella responded, looking down at the table.

"It does," Edward shrugged, rolling the paper into a small ball before picking up the check and setting down the proper bills to cover it and be enough for a tip. Bella noticed the leftover food was already packed into little boxes and stacked neatly beside the plastic bill folder. Her guard was down again. One of those bastards could be right behind me and I can't quit thinking of what Edward just said to me.

The walk back was quick and easy, though they both had boxes of food in their arms. She followed him up to his apartment and as the elevator climbed higher and higher, Bella thought about how ridiculous this night was. She _didn't_ go to work as a stripper, she watched a few bands with a friend, she learned the man she was having sex with had a pair of family owned night clubs, she found out who his mother and soon-to-be sister-in-law were, and now they were stuffed full of Chinese and heading back to his apartment.

A deep rooted pain twisted her heart as she realized that this was the normal life of a twenty-something girl. Taking her clothes off for anyone who wanted to pay to see it, hiding money in drawers instead of using it for food, and considering a man who had just bought her a wonderful meal and saved her from herself as only someone she was having sex with was not normal. It sure as hell wasn't fair to Edward.

He nudged her with his arm since he couldn't take her hand with all the boxes and lead her to his door. Once it was opened, she followed him into the kitchen and saw that it was almost three in the morning. She'd just be home from the club, hiding her money, and getting ready to crawl into bed. She realized Edward was watching her again. "You must be exhausted. Come on, I'll get you something to wear."

She followed him down the hallway to a large room with a queen-sized bed covered in a plaid brown comforter. "The bathroom is right outside the door," he said, digging through his drawers. She wondered if he was looking for a condom until he turned around with a pair of sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt with some band's logo on it. "Here. I'm sure you don't want to sleep in your jeans."

_Holy shit. He's not trying to get me naked. Are we really not having sex? _Heading into the bathroom she looked in the mirror and saw that she didn't look as bad as she felt. That waterproof mascara had done wonders and while most of her foundation had rubbed off, she just had a warm glow to her cheeks. She didn't look cold like she was used to seeing in the mirror. The bathroom was done in a pale blue and she suspected that he had not been the one to decorate it. It seemed like your typical apartment, though, not one of some millionaire or someone like her. It was nice. The word 'normal' came to mind again.

She looked at herself in the mirror once more, remembering his comment from earlier. Her face did look gaunt and her eyes just looked haunted. Her skin could glow but it couldn't hide what was in her mind. Bella had never wished more that the horrible things that had happened to her could be pushed down, forgotten...repressed. Bella now realized how much she liked Edward. She liked him the way she had never liked a man before in her life. She liked him enough to trust him, to want to see him, to want more than anything for the chance to be normal. He deserved normal.

Feeling defeated, she readied herself for bed and went out to meet him. She promised him one night. He was in a pair of sweat pants and wore no shirt as he lounged on the large bed. They looked at each other for a long moment and she shifted her weight nervously. _He must want me to strip..._ Reaching for the hem of his shirt, she began to pull it up and over herself when his smile faded into a frown. "No. Bella, come here."

"I'm sorry," she said, feeling foolish. _It's what I know. Whore. _"I just thought..."

"Not tonight," he interjected.

"But you said to give you one night. Here it is."

"I never meant for it to be about sex."

Now she really did feel dirty, marked with a W. "I told you I'm not good, Edward."

"Bella, stop acting like this and come here. Please, just come lie down. You know I won't hurt you so take down this damn shield and let me see you. The real you."

"This is the real me. Take it or leave it."

Sitting up, he reached over and took her arm; pulling her towards him. She knelt on the bed and slid over to him. As soon as she was close, he positioned the pillows so that she could lie back. As an arm snaked around her waist, he pulled her even closer and kissed her cheek. Never in her entire life had she been in bed with a man this way. Hell, she couldn't even remember a time when she was in bed with a man and kept her clothes on.

"What's going through that head of yours?"

"I won't damn you to that knowledge."

"Then perhaps we should get some sleep."

"You really don't want to...you know..."

"Do you want to?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, not really. I like this. It's...new," she said, cuddling into his side. He frowned again but then she felt his hand rub her stomach. "I'm really full. I'm sure it's bloated..."

"You're perfect, Bells," he uttered, sliding up to kiss her belly and then the area above her breast...right over her heart. Feeling at peace for the first time since that fateful day when all she wanted was a physical so she could swim in college, Bella drifted peacefully into a deep, deep sleep.

The next morning, Bella woke to a darkened room and noticed that the lamp had found its way off the night before and Edward must have gotten up after she fell asleep to pull the blinds down. He now slept peacefully beside her, his face buried into her neck. She realized his breath against her skin is what woke her up. For the first time in days, Bella had been able to close her eyes and not see the horrors of her past. Content to lie there and watch him sleep, Bella shifted a little and looked at his face.

There were a few scars here and there but nothing that could take away from how handsome he looked. She wondered about his past, if he had gotten those marks from a bad person just like she had her emotional scars. She counted herself lucky that it was only emotional scars as she knew some of the girls who had been around her had pretty nasty external ones. One girl had a scar around her neck, Bella never asked her about it but she also tried not to even guess how it had gotten there. Some things she was just better off not dwelling on.

She wondered if he had a lot of ex-girlfriends. She wondered if she was willing to walk away. Deciding to worry about it later, she closed her eyes again. The warmth of him and the covers seemed to make her whole world feel sunny, even if she knew it had to come to an end soon.

Edward stood in the kitchen, warming up what looked to the wafers from the night before. "Morning, Bells. Hungry?"

She stretched and yawned a little, trying to wake herself from her happy haze. "I don't know how after last night, but I am."

A smile lit up his face as she sat down at his little kitchen table. Her heart twisted again. _Is he glad I'm not running out the door? _"Well, these are delicious with a little syrup. My brother likes to mix food and he's the one that realized it."

Edward brought the plate over and held the loaded fork up for her. It was sweet on her tongue and the wafer had just enough crunch to it despite having been put in the microwave. She was just about to comment on how smart Emmett was when the front door rattled a little as if someone was turning a key in the lock. Bella froze, trying to tell herself that it wasn't someone out to get her. Edward was tensed too, though, and so she figured something was up.

Then, air rushed into the room as the door flew open to the hallway. "Edward, I know your here..." The tiny girl who had just flung the door open now stood, looking at both of them through the little window that was between the living room and the kitchen, taking Bella in especially. When she closed the door, Bella realized she wasn't as young as she looked, and she was rather pregnant. With a small smirk, she raised an eyebrow at Bella. "Well, hello there."

Bella blushed immediately. This had to be Edward's 'knocked up' nineteen year old sister. The girl looked at Edward then, her gaze trained on him, and she crossed her arms before stating. "Mild pepper rings."

Edward must have known what this meant because he shook his head and went over to the refrigerator, pulling out a whole jar of what his sister had just spoken of. Her arms dropped and she smiled. "If mom or dad call, I'm with you."

"Alice, do you really think..."

"I don't need another lecture," she said, venom in her voice, but then she went over and hugged her brother hard. "I love him, Edward."

"I'm just worried about you and my little nephew. You know that, Al," he said touching her stomach gently.

"It's Jasper. He'd never hurt me or my little boy. You know that. You know_ him_."

"Alright, fine. Just be careful, okay?"

"Are you going to introduce us?" Alice asked, pointing to Bella.

Edward smiled. "Sorry, I think I'm still half asleep. Bella, this is my little sister, Alice. Alice, this is..."

The door opening interrupted them again and the blonde groomsman Bella recognized from the bachelor party was standing there. She froze, her entire face had to look like a tomato now, and she tried to stand. Edward kept his hand on her shoulder, keeping her in her seat. At first, the man just shut the door and walked around to the kitchen where they were all standing. Bella doubted that he even noticed her as his eyes were glued to Alice. He kissed Alice's cheek and touched her belly, much more affectionately than Edward had, and then turned to face them. Shock seemed to bloom on his face as he took Bella in, who was currently sitting in Edward's clothes at his kitchen table. He raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"Holy shit!" Jasper gasped, addressing his fellow groomsmen, and then brought a hand up to cover his mouth. Turning to Bella, he uncovered his mouth and looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry..."

"You two know each other?" Alice asked, looking at him with a curious glare.

"Um...no...yes...maybe?" It ended up as a question and Bella knew immediately that he was bad at hiding his emotions. He turned his attention back to Bella. "You're the girl from the club, right?"

"Um..." it was her turn to be speechless.

"Twilight Moon?" Alice asked.

"No...um..." Jasper began, his face turned red now and Alice straightened, a strange expression crossing her face.

"The strip club?" Alice gasped, looking royally pissed.

"I...I have to be going..." Bella stood quickly, feeling nauseous. _Nothing but a whore. _She hated herself so much it hurt.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called, taking her by the arm and gently leading her back to the two shocked individuals. Pointing at both of them, one at a time, Edward said, "Apologize. Both of you."

Alice fidgeted but Jasper spoke first. "I'm really sorry...I'm sure you're a sweet girl..."

"She is. She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, Jazz... Her name's Bella," Edward muttered, obviously upset with them. Bella was becoming more and more mortified by the second.

"Bella?" Alice asked, as if she had an epiphany. "Does Rosalie know about this? Edward, she already wants your balls for the bachelor party stunt with Emmett."

"No, she wants Jasper's. I didn't want to take him there. I _knew_ Rose would be pissed."

"Hey, it wasn't all me!" Jasper protested but he was smiling so it wasn't very believable.

Alice ignored him and stepped closer to Bella. "I'm sorry, Bella. It is an honor to meet you. Edward doesn't bring girls home very often. You must be rather important to him."

Bella still couldn't bring herself to smile but the comment warmed her, bringing back a taste of her happy haze from earlier. "It's nice to meet both of you. I know my job is...unconventional."

Alice just shrugged and pointed to her own swollen tummy. "You want to talk about unconventional?"

That did bring a smile to Bella's face and Jasper cleared his throat. "We should be going. I have someone meeting with us to look at apartments and we're already going to be late."

Alice lurched forward giving Bella an unexpected, quick hug before hugging her brother and kissing his cheek. Jasper nodded to both of them and followed Alice out the door. The apartment seemed to be at a standstill and the silence was deafening. "I'm so sorry about that..."

"I expected it. It's fine."

"No. It isn't. It was rude."

"Come on, let me get changed and then you can drop me off near my place."

"Near it?"

"So," she asked changing the subject, "you don't like the fact that Jasper got your sister pregnant but your friends with him?"

"Emmett's only a year older than me and Jasper is a couple months younger than him. We grew up together. Some frat boy got Ally pregnant and bailed on her. Jasper just recently moved back here, after Alice let us in on the pregnancy, and he kind of swooped in."

"You don't like that?" Bella asked, now talking through the door of the bathroom as she changed.

"Jasper is a good guy. A really good guy. How many twenty six year olds do you know that are willing to father a child who isn't his and provide for that child's nineteen year old mother? I just don't want her to get hurt if he changes his mind about what he wants."

"They're looking at apartments?"

"Jasper wants to move her in with him so that he can take care of her and the baby."

"Your parents don't know."

"Oh, they know. Dad's not happy about it. Jasper can and will provide for her so it's not like dad can say much. She's not a minor."

"You can't really blame them for reacting that way towards me, Edward. It's something I've long ago gotten used to. I expect it," Bella said, wanting to get that out there between them.

"You shouldn't."

Setting his clothes on his freshly made bed, Bella turned to him, "Is it true that you don't bring girls home often?"

"I'm almost always at Twilight Moon helping Em...or visiting you."

"So, this was our one night together?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he said. Suddenly sadness filled his eyes. He looked deflated. "I guess so."

"Why did you want to do this? Why bring me here just so we could sleep?"

"It was important to me. I wanted to show you that you are worth so much more than this pathetic relationship we have. That things could be different for you..."

"It's time for you to take me home...or I can call a cab. Either way, I should be getting back."

**Now I really want Chinese...mmmm. Anyway, please give me some feedback and well...you know the drill...you get a preview... ;) Your support is always appreciated and definitely brings me motivation! Love, Letzigprincess xx **


	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 7**

**Groceries, Prenatal Vitamins, and Mrs. Cullen**

Bella was so into trying to plot out a good drop-off spot that it took her three tries and a frustrated sigh to click her seat belt into place. Not only did she look like a crazy person, Edward had reached over to buckle it for her just as she got it and they both ended up staring at each other awkwardly for a good many seconds. "You good?"

She nodded and, for some strange reason, she began to tear up. Leaning her head back into the just-soft-enough passenger seat, Bella closed her eyes, trying to once again find that happy haze. She smiled to herself, looking down at her old Converse shoes and plain jeans. For one night, she got to be normal. For one night, she got to pretend that she was just like any other girl her age, going for dinner and coming home to cuddle her boyfriend until sleep overcame them. For one morning, she got to wake up without fear, to come out and eat with the man she cared for and just...be happy. Like any other Cinderella story, the time had come to return to her own life.

"You can drop me off right up here," Bella said finally, pointing to the front of the 'book store'.

"You live here?" he asked, looking past her to the building as he pulled up in front of it.

"No. I think I'll hang out here during the day..."

"What about all of this food?" Edward asked, nodding towards the take-out containers left from the night before. He insisted that she take it with her. Hers was the only apartment building on the street; it was actually the only residence at all.

"I'll just take it up to my apartment and then come back over to the bookstore. Thanks for everything, Edward. You have no idea how much it meant to me."

"I can help you carry them. How much farther do you live from here?" he asked her, his head was facing the exact building she lived in.

"I live here."

"At this book store?"

"No," she said quietly, wishing that she had a nice high rise to live in like he did.

Edward's face showed a little bit of shock as his eyes got wide and he looked towards the apartment. Ever the gentleman, he wrangled in his frown and put on a fake smile. "Okay. Well...still...let me help you carry this stuff."

"It's not far. I'll be fine. Really." _Please believe me. Please believe me. Please believe me. _Edward didn't listen to her. Instead, he got out and started pulling cartons and boxes into his arms. She jumped out then, looking at him over the top of the car. "You don't have to do this."

"I don't have to do anything. I'm offering my help and I'm going to help you."

_He knows. He knows how bad it is. He can tell just by the outside of the pitiful building, with its cracked bricks and broken stairs, that I live like someone who has nothing. I really do have nothing; he wouldn't be wrong in believing that. _With shaking hands, Bella followed him into the building, unable to look at his face as they began to descend the rickety, and mostly broken, wooden stairs. "Here," she said, stepping up to her door and pulling out her key. "I can take that. Thank you, really. You've done enough already."

"Let me see you inside. Maybe we can just hang out together..."

"Edward, please." She could tell by his tone, this almost desperate voice, that he was concerned for her. Mr. Overprotective wanted to make sure she was living in a safe place. That's what this was about.If she did live somewhere safe, she would find this endearing. She didn't though, and he was about to find out how bad it really was. Knowing this was one way to make him run, she swallowed the lump in her throat and managed to get the key into the lock, her hands shaking the entire time. At one point during this long, painful task, Edward had begun to rub small circles on her back. He was trying to calm her down.

Throwing the door open a little more harshly than was necessary, she stepped in and to the side so he could enter. "Fine," she relented. "If you want to see where I live, here it is."

It was clear by the look on his face that he had been expecting this, his face kept a serious, solemn look and he nodded. After a long, pregnant pause, he asked, "Bella, are you safe here?"

She couldn't focus on him, though. It was the open door that was driving her crazy. Almost pushing him aside, she stepped over and began locking her locks. She trembled a little uncontrollably and wrapped her arms around herself before turning back to him. "Yes."

"You aren't safe in any building that you have to lock your door with more locks than there are rooms."

"I'm as safe as I can be..."

"What if someone comes here? If someone breaks in?"

She shook her head, refusing to let him crush her feeling of safety. This was her bubble. This was where they couldn't touch her. She knew he was talking about robbers but if robbers could get to her, so could they. They would find her eventually but she had to believe she was safe here. "I'll run," she shrugged, answering his question.

"Run? Run where? If someone comes in here to rob you and has a gun...or..."

"If someone comes in here to _rob_ me, I'll give them what I have."

_I have to convince him that I'm okay here. Convince him, and I convince myself. _Walking over to her drawer, she pulled it open and lifted the bottom up. Edward looked at her with a confused expression before taking the hint and walking over. He looked down and gasped, stepping back before taking a deep breath and looking back down again. "Bella, if you have this, why are you living here? Why live in such a bad neighborhood? Why are you keeping this much money here? It should be in a bank! Do you have any idea what people would do, what lengths they would go to break in here if they knew you had money like this?"

Ashamed again, Bella looked to the floor. "It can't be in a bank. I need it."

"What the hell could you possibly need this much money on hand for?" He wasn't trying to be mean but he was genuinely trying to figure out what was going on. She didn't know which was worse.

"If they come, I can take it and run."

"Bella, this is _why_ robbers would come!"

"Edward, don't be ridiculous! No one would think that some girl living in a place like this would have money! No one is coming to _rob _me!" As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wanted to slap herself. Her tone clearly told him that she was afraid of something other than robbers.

"Bella." He spoke her name as if it were a statement. "What the hell is going on?"

"You should go. Please, just go."

"No. I am not leaving you unprotected with all of this money in a shit-for-security building. Please, just come with me to the bank and we can get this taken care of..." he said as he walked over to the refrigerator and opened the door to put the food containers in. His voice only trailed off for a minute as his arm stopped in the middle of reaching to set a take-out box in it.

Bella looked to the floor again, knowing why he was so shocked. There was nothing in there. Well, that wasn't true. There was a bottle of water that she just kept refilling with tap water, a stick of butter, some lunch meat, and some expired milk. Dry cereal, which was her normal breakfast, and a fourth of a loaf of bread, sat on top.

"Bella," he said quietly, as if trying to control himself, "this is not okay. If you have money, you need to take care of yourself. You need to buy groceries, you need find somewhere safer to live. Do your parents or any of your family realize what's going on?"

_He thinks I belong in a loony bin. He thinks I'm fucked up. Oh God, now he knows just how fucked up I am. _"What does it matter, Edward? I gave you one night. That's all you asked for. This is my life, this is who I am. Please just go."

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Tell me what you're so afraid of? Baby, let me help you. I can..."

"You can't fix anything, Edward. I'm ruined and in danger. If you stay, you become a target, too. Everyone I love becomes a target..."

"Of what?"

"I want you to leave. I don't want to be with you. I want you to leave!" Bella said, shaking her head and fighting sobs. The tears were pointless to try to stop but the sobs would have to wait until he left. "You wouldn't want me if you knew the truth. I don't want you to want me."

He looked hurt, torn, and still very confused. Shaking his own head, he finished unloading his arms into the refrigerator and walked over to the door. "I never meant to hurt you, please believe that. I'm scared for you. I only want to make sure you're safe."

"Why?" Bella asked, exasperated.

"I care about you," he said, just as exasperated. "You might be able to turn off whatever it is we have going on, only tapping back into it when you want to fuck, but I can't."

"You told me you could! You said that you could do that for me! That's all I ever needed from you...I still need that from you!"

"I can't. I thought I could but I can't. So, here it is. I'm putting it all out there. Either accept me as part of your life or I walk and I don't look back."

"You'll never accept me. You think you already do but you don't. You can't. It's best if you go."

"I'm going to figure this out, Bella. I'm going to help, whether or not you want it. Dammit, I'm going to figure this out," he tried, his threat to walk away obviously not working.

"No," Bella choked out, pleading desperately with him. "No. You can't. You have to walk away. You have to not look back. Never look back! Edward, please."

"Goodbye, Bells. I'm going to fix this..."

"Edward, Edward, listen to me. If you start down this path...I don't know that you can ever go back. If you do this...if you start this...then I leave. I'll leave this city and I won't come back. You'll never find me. I...I'll accept you. I'll even let you check up on me...and what we have doesn't have to stop...but you have to promise me you won't pursue this. Swear it!"

Edward looked like he wanted to cry, she'd never seen a man so afraid before. That's the only way she could describe him at the moment...afraid. That knowledge scared her. She watched as his waged a battle within himself; it was almost too private to watch. "You'll really run?"

_Poker face, Bella. Poker. Face. _"Yes."

He nodded, looking around the apartment as if he could burn it down with only his glare. "So this is about keeping us both 'safe' from whatever it is that's trying to hurt you? You'll be more than a fuck buddy just so I don't try to do a little research?"

She was surprised by how angry he sounded. This was not at all how she expected this to end. "I care about you too, Edward. Maybe it has meant more to me...it's always only ever been about protecting the both of us."

"I can handle myself."

"You don't know what you're up against."

"I'll back off from your past on one condition, Bella."

"Name it."

"You let me help you now. We'll go now, right fucking now, and get you groceries. We'll get the money put into the bank. We'll get a gun permit...I'll teach you how to use one..."

Bella thought for a long moment, knowing she couldn't give him all of that. There were no words to describe how badly she wanted to, though. "The groceries I can do," he automatically relaxed at those words, "the bank and the gun permit I can't. I can't have my name on anything."

"How are you renting this place then?"

"Arabella Claire is renting this apartment as far as the landlord is concerned. Look around, it's not like I needed documentation as long as I pay in cash on the first of every month."

"Does James not pay you an hourly wage?" Edward asked, becoming upset again.

"Of course but it's under the table. That was the only way I'd agree to work there. Edward, no one knows where I am. I don't have the right documents to change my identity. The bank can't run a risk check on me and there's no way I can get a permit for a gun."

"What if we made an agreement?"

"What kind of agreement?"

"Do you trust me?"

There was that word again—trust. _You barely know him! _She did trust him, though. Implicitly. "What do you have in mind?"

"We don't need a permit for you to shoot my gun. Let me at least teach you to defend yourself with one and we'll figure it out from there. As for the bank, I have an idea but I need to make a few phone calls. I have a friend who's a teller at a bank close to my dad's night club and the manager owes us a favor anyway. For now, we'll start with groceries."

"You're not paying for anything," Bella said stubbornly.

"No, I'm not. Get into that drawer of yours. Get out one hundred. We're going to do this right."

"Should I take all the money? Are we going to the bank?"

"No. Leave it. We'll move it later, when we have the gun."

"Edward, guns terrify me."

"Guns aren't what make me people bad. Bad people make guns bad. I need you to trust me to keep you safe. Grab the money. We have some shopping to do."

The grocery store was rather busy as it was a Friday afternoon. Moms and dads bustled by, dragging small, screaming children along behind them and their carts. The elderly couples were yelling to each other and Bella realized it was probably because their hearing was going. Teenagers wondered the aisles and stared longingly at the cigarette case. Then there were the ones that really worried her, the middle aged men who were nicely dressed from a day at work. Edward had grabbed a cart when they walked in and she stayed glued to his side, holding onto the cart like it was her saving grace.

"What do you like to eat?" Edward asked, turning down their first aisle.

"I don't like to cook."

"Okay, easy meals it is. Here, what about toaster pastries?"

Bella just continued along with him, saying 'yay' or 'nay' to each of his suggestions. It was almost disturbing to see him this way, so...domestic. She tried to picture Edward, who was now dressed in another of his trademark band shirts with a flannel shirt over it and a cigarette pack sticking up out of the front pocket, working in a board room somewhere or being the CEO of some multi-million dollar corporation. _No way in hell._

When the cart was full with enough food to last her about a month, she really didn't eat much, they pushed the cart over to the pharmacy. After grabbing a pack of condoms from the hanging racks and receiving a raised eyebrow from Bella because of it, Edward surprised her again by asking for 'Alice Cullen's prescription' as they pulled up in front of the white counter. The woman went through the hanging plastic bags until she came to the right one and unhooked it, pulling the packet out to scan the bar code and stuff it into a white paper bag. When her eyes caught sight of the condoms, she narrowed her eyes at Edward but turned to smile at Bella. "Congratulations, Mrs. Cullen."

Bella didn't know what to say in response and as she stood there, speechless, she realized Edward was enjoying the situation with great amusement. "Um...thank you?" replied Bella after a long, long moment.

As soon as they were around the corner, which lead to the final stretch up to the checkout counters, Bella put her arm out, grabbing and stopping the cart. "What the hell was that?"

"Prenatal vitamins," Edward shrugged. "These suckers will last until after the baby is born. The pharmacist will never be in the know. Relax."

"You pick up your little sister's prenatal vitamins?"

"Yeah," Edward shrugged. "I mean, usually mom will pick up the prescriptions...or Alice herself...but I know Alice said about needing to stop so I sent her a text when I knew we were coming here. Obviously that particular pharmacist either never met Alice or doesn't remember her."

"Why are you so amused about this?"

Edward just chuckled, "She thinks I'm having an affair and that you, the Mrs., is okay with it. Why else would a man need condoms when his wife is taking prenatal vitamins? It's not like he can knock her up..."

Bella just shook her head. "Lane three's open. Move it, Mr. Cullen. If I'm spending money like this, I'd like to get the merchandise home before it thaws out."

"So, I think that's everything," Edward said a half hour later, sitting down on a hard kitchen chair pulled up to her card table.

"I'm never going to eat this much food."

"Nothing but the bread and maybe the milk will expire before two weeks. If you'd eat three meals a day, you'd realize how much food you go through in a couple weeks. Trust me."

After looking at his phone, he looked up at her. She was still standing by the refrigerator, as if it was going to detach itself from the wall and eat her. Standing up, he ran a hand through his hair; something Bella realized was a nervous habit for him. "I have to head down to Twilight Moon. Em's expecting me."

A tightening formed in Bella's heart, slamming her with the realization that she didn't want him to leave. This was too much. Him leaving was exactly what she needed, she couldn't risk getting this attached. "Thanks for everything today...and last night...and these past couple of weeks," Bella shook her head, realizing how pathetic she really was.

Placing his hand on her jaw, he brought her face up and kissed her gently. "Thank you, Bella."

"What do you have to thank me for?" she whispered.

"Last night. Today. All of it."

She realized she was having trouble breathing, wanting nothing more than to lean in and kiss him again. He felt so good... "You should go. Emmett's waiting, right?"

"Yeah. I don't like leaving you here..." he commented, dragging a hand through his hair again. Then with sagging shoulders he said, "I'll see you later. Oh, let me get you my number. Where's your phone?"

"Um, there..."

Edward's face twisted in confusion again. "It's not even cordless," he commented as he saw what she was pointing at. "You don't have a cell phone?"

"No."

Shaking his head, he went to say something but stopped himself. It was obvious that he didn't have time to fight with her about it. "Alright, here," he said, grabbing the receipt from the grocery store and jotting down a number. Despite his annoyance, he did look rather amused as he handed her the paper. "Call me on your dinosaur of a phone if you need me."

After watching him leave, Bella went over and relocked all the locks it had taken him almost a whole minute to unlock. Seeing someone else in her bubble, struggling with her way of life, made her realize that all of those locks were a little crazy. It was especially crazy if you took the condition of her windows into consideration. If a bird flew into one, it'd probably just fall out of the wall. Seeing that it wasn't that late, she had almost four hours until she had to be at work, Bella pulled her bed down and crawled in. She needed to think.

How the hell she went from friends with benefits without the friends part to cuddling in bed with him, agreeing to let him help her, and even going as far as using the term 'boyfriend' in her thoughts concerned her. There was no way she considered him her boyfriend, that was ridiculous. He was just a friend, that's all he could possibly want with her. _Yeah, because Jacob is just a friend and you kiss him before he leaves as well. _It was a point well made; you didn't do these things with people given the title 'just friends'. _Okay, so we are the traditional friends with benefits now. _Realizing she had a headache, she pulled her pillow over her head and closed her eyes tightly.

What it came down to was trust and she was unsure of just how far that security blanket stretched. Did she trust that he was genuine in wanting to help her? Yes. Did she have any idea as to why? No. Did she trust that he would never intentionally hurt her, despite her misunderstanding of it? Yes. The problem wasn't her getting hurt. She had been hurt before, in ways some people may not have lived through, but she refused to let him get caught up in her past. His safety was her biggest concern now and she hated herself for it.

Her guard was down, she was making stupid mistakes, and now she was risking throwing away everything she had worked towards that ensured her safety by bargaining for his. The worst part was what she _didn't_ trust him with. Did she trust that he would let her past go and not look into her life? No. She just prayed that if he tried, she'd have the courage to hold up her end of the deal and walk away forever. Unable to open her eyes and face the sun, she stayed under her pillow and drifted off to sleep. There would be no nightmares waiting for her today, it was as if Edward's presence still lingered near her.

**Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you continue to enjoy it :) Review and I'll send you a little something back ;) Love, Letzigprincess xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 8**

**Twenty Thousand...and Some More**

Bella learned that when he said 'see you later' he had meant it in the see you in a few hours kind of way. She was two hours into her shift when he walked in and sat down at his usual table. Instead of puttsing around to avoid him, she beat Jessica to his table and handed him a beer. "Should I start a tab?"

"Yeah. I told Em I'd be away from the club tonight again. He's fine with it. They coped for that whole week without me at night."

"You don't have to do this..."

"It's fine. He hired a few new bartenders and he needs me more during the day to help balance the books, make the bank run, and pick up the liquor we order. Things that can all be done before the club even opens. When are you on tonight?"

"Usual time. I need to go check on a few other tables. It's Friday so we're busy. I'll be back to check on you in a little bit."

There were eight tables that needed orders taken yet and three that were waiting on refills. The night progressed pretty quickly, especially with Bella having to help Victoria out with keeping up on everyone's drinks. "Bells, I'm sorry. I've never waited tables before this job and..."

"You're doing great," Bella told her while pouring two beers from the tap at once. "When I started, I didn't even know how to make the beer come out of this thing."

"You just pull it toward you," laughed Victoria.

"See, you already know more than I did. Here, take these over to that bachelor party. Oh, and," Bella spun around and pulled a bottle from the cooler behind her, "drop this off at that table for me."

Victoria blushed a little and Bella eyed her curiously. "What?"

"What's with the red face?" Bella tried to push down her feelings of jealousy.

"Nothing...we just...we all noticed the way he is with you. Jess gets so frustrated; I think she has it bad for him. She could be giving him a lap dance and all he'd do is look around the room for you. It's sweet."

Bella gave a slight smile, not knowing what to say. She knew he didn't really watch the other girls but she really_ didn't _know what to say. "It is sweet. Now, get those to the tables before they get warm."

"Bella, can I speak with you?" James asked, calling over to her from the other side of the room. She nodded but was worried about what he had to say. _Is he upset about last night? He sounded fine with it before..._

"Bells, sit down for a minute," he gestured to a chair in his office.

"James, I'm sorry about last night. I thought you were okay with it and if you..."

He held a hand up to stop her and fiddled with a pen on his cherry wood desk. The room was done in red velvet, leather, and wood. It was actually quite beautiful and gave off a warm feeling. "Bells, I actually wanted to talk to you about your friend. That Cullen kid?"

Bella's heart clenched at his fatherly way of going about their conversation. _Charlie. God, please let him have come to terms with all of this. Please. _"His name's Edward."

"His family owns those two bars, right?"

"Yeah."

"Tyler says that he seems like a good guy, that he's personable...Bella, I just want to make sure that it's okay with you that he's around so much. I know he's a paying customer but I've turned them away before when they get like this with the girls. Some of the men that come here, they form obsessions. In their minds..."

"James," it was Bella's turn to stop him, "I really care for him. I've seen him outside of work. This isn't about my...job."

"That's good to hear but you tell someone if it becomes too much. There's something else. I'm going to overstep my bounds as an employer but I'm going to say this to you as a friend. Tyler said you have no family and before this Edward came along, you only ever spoke of friends that you've met here. You never miss work, you never let anyone touch you—which is completely okay but I know some of the other girls do it for the extra cash but you don't even like shaking hands with them, and I've been told you live alone. Bells, I don't know what, and I'm not going to try to figure it out, but I know something happened to you. Something bad. Something you're afraid of. You have a job here for as long as you need it but know that if you need anything, you can come to me."

Bella smiled, it felt good to have someone who wasn't a sexual partner say that they're concerned for her. It only reminded her that with these new friendships she was beginning to risk more and more. More of her was being exposed, out in the open. Her shields were starting to crumble. "Thank you. Really. That means a lot. Please, don't worry about Edward. He's actually trying to help me and I really do feel safe with him. Bad things have happened and I know what it feels like to be abused by others. I don't feel that with him."

"Good. You better get back or the girls will be wondering what you're doing alone with the boss in his office during a busy night. Oh...and Bells?" he asked as she got to the door. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. Whatever it was, you didn't deserve it."

Bella didn't go straight back to the floor after that, she had to go recheck her make up in the dressing room because tears had begun to pour as soon as she left his office. It had been so, so long since she felt cared for. Now, there was more than one man pulling her aside and letting her know they were there. Memories of her father flooded her mind and she thought of herself as a little girl, riding in the front seat of the cruiser and asking if they could turn on the lights. For two years, her parents had separated and Bella had him all to herself. She was eight and he was her entire world. Now, at least from what she knew, they were still back together and happy as ever. Then again, she doubted they were quite as happy as before she left, as far as they knew, she just ran away from home. She wished upon every star out there that they would never know the truth; they would never know how exactly she ended up leaving Forks. It was better for them to think that she did so on her own volition.

Looking at the clock on the wall, the rectangle showing the bright red digital time, Bella realized that it was her time to go on. Applying some powder and taking off her t-shirt and skirt, she slid on a sexier pair of shoes and headed out. Tonight the song was a little slower than was normal for her and she was grateful for it. Guilt and shame of what she was doing had never affected her quite this badly. All she could think of was her meeting with James and his fatherly advice. Charlie would kill her if he knew she was willingly doing this every night. It was also ten times harder with Edward there, staring intently at her and only her, and remembering how much it bothered her when she saw Esme show affection for him—before Bella realized it was his mother and completely understandable.

_He's not jealous. If he was jealous, he wouldn't show up here every night and practically bring a sign that says 'Stripper Bella's number one fan!.' If he really knew what went down in the past, he simply would not be able to be a jealous person. It can't work that way. _By the time the song ended, Bella had a headache again and was ready to just go home. It had been a long, strange, trying twenty-four hours. Stepping down off the stage, she saw Tyler talking to Edward and she knew it wasn't about cars. It was about her. Tyler glanced over at her and when he saw her standing there, motioned to Edward to follow him outside. Bella was fuming.

She would let him say what he wanted. All she wanted to know was if Edward was trying to get information or if Tyler was giving him a warning. Either way, she would be pissed off at one of them...at least. "She's vulnerable. We're all worried about her...worried that she might need help, even if it's just help to get herself back together. We've been with her for a long time and we all know things aren't okay..."

"Like a psychiatrist?" she heard Edward asked.

Finally unable to stand idly by, she threw the door open and crossed her arms, glaring at them both. They turned towards her in surprise and Edward gave her an apologetic look, Tyler on the other hand threw her annoyance right back at her. "Bells, cut the bullshit! You can get mad and stomp your foot and curse both of our names but I'm the one who asked him to come out here. It's obvious he cares for you and James said he's not stalking you or dangerous so I figured it was worth a shot to try to help you."

Bella softened, but only a little and shook her head. "It's not your decision on whether or not I get help, Ty. No shrink is going to be able to change what happened. I appreciate the concern but would you all please just back the fuck off?"

He look surprised but just shrugged as if she just told him what the weather was like. "Fine. Subject dropped. I just want you to be happy, Bells."

She gave him a small smile as he walked past her and back into the club. "Are you cold?" Edward asked her, sliding his coat off and draping it over her shoulders.

"I need to get back inside before I end up in jail for indecent exposure," Bella said, rolling her eyes and looking down at the opened coat which hid the bra and panties she had slid back on. She wasn't ready to lose the coat, though, and walked back inside with it still on. It smelled of cigarettes and cologne and she loved it.

Edward sat at the bar now, eating peanuts and drinking a bottle of water. He seemed to be contemplating something and that wasn't good. That could never be a good thing. "Are you pregnant now?" Bella asked jokingly, eying the clear bottle in front of him.

Edward just shook his head and gave a small chuckle before sobering up. "There's a lot of people here who care about you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. It's just sad that the family you know all belong to a strip club." Bella wondered if maybe he was at least a little jealous. She thought of the coat she still had on and quickly shrugged it off, handing it back to him. _Was this because he wanted me covered up? Well, duh, you were outside! _"Are you going to be here until closing?"

Bella nodded, "We're busy. Why?"

"I was thinking we could hang out tonight...maybe at your place?"

"My place? Edward, you saw my place. I don't even want to hang out there and I live there. Besides, parking that shiny car out front is a bad idea. It's like a crime magnet where I live."

"Do you hear yourself? Right there is what I was trying to say earlier! You deserve better!"

"Bella, we need a pitcher over here," a regular middle-aged customer called over. He gave her a smile and she nodded back to him. He was a nice guy.

"Look, if you want to hang out in my craptastic apartment, be my guest. We're leaving the car at your apartment, though. I'll follow you and bring you to my place. I won't be burdened with the guilt of that pretty little beast getting keyed or dented, alright?"

"Deal. I'm going to head to the apartment now. I want to shower. Just come up and get me when you get there since you don't have a phone to call me."

"Alright. See you in a couple hours," Bella called over her shoulder, fisting two pitchers and heading towards the crowd.

Barely able to walk, Bella leaned against her car and slid on a pair of sneakers, her feet immediately felt relief as she literally threw the heels into the backseat. Since Edward said about wanting to come over, she had been curious as to what his intentions were. At first, she thought maybe he wanted sex. Then, she wondered if this was something more. He clearly did not think she was safe where she lived. _For the love of God, he can't just move in with me! _She shook this reason away as if it was a dead bug on her shoe and started the car.

The parking garage worker smiled kindly, like always, and waved her through. He even handed her another 'paid' parking pass before lifting the gate. Edward was on the couch, his wet hair everywhere and he wore a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. As soon as she was through the door and her keys were on the coffee table, he took her by the hand and gently pulled her down to him, giving her a deep, hard kiss. "Miss me?" she asked, amused, after coming up for air.

A garbled sound came out instead of him answering her question. He sat up, then, stretching a little and he held his arms out to her so that she could climb into his lap. "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," he smirked. Rolling her eyes, she looked down and twisted her fingers. "Go ahead, Bella."

"Do you really want to come to my place tonight or are you feeling bad because I live in a shithole?"

He frowned and she knew she nailed the problem. "You shouldn't be there alone, Bells."

"I need you to trust me just as much as you expect me to trust you."

"Fine. Stay here with me then."

"That's not what I was saying..."

"It's two-thirty in the morning, you're already here, and you're on my lap. Why wouldn't we just decide to stay here?"

"I feel like this is too fast."

"Well, it is moving fast. If you haven't noticed, we're kind of doing things very out of order. Usually, I take the girl on a date and THEN we have sex in an alley."

"Very funny..."

"Bella, look at me. I care about you. I think some part of you can at least tolerate me or else you wouldn't be on my lap at two thirty in the morning discussing the fact that we had sex in an alley," he countered dryly.

"Touche."

"Now, will you please agree to stay here with me tonight?"

"Tonight. Tomorrow night, I will be staying in my own bed, in my own apartment. By myself. Deal?"

Edward gave her a huge smile before standing up and scooping her into his arms. She held onto him, laughing as he charged down the hallway to the bedroom. Tonight, unlike the night before, there were no extra clothes offered but there also wasn't sex either. They had undressed and dove under the covers like to love-struck teenagers, kissing and touching. It didn't take long for them to tire, though, and before Bella fell asleep this time, she noticed that Edward was snoring softly.

The next morning brought rain and it seemed that everything was dark and dreary. Sitting up in bed, this time with Edward still beside her, she looked around the room. _I wonder where he keeps his gun. He said he had one...or is he going to register one under his name all so he can teach me how to use it?_There was more reasoning behind why Bella didn't already own a gun than just the paper trail it took to buy one. They terrified her. She'd seen what guns can do in the wrong hands...they took innocent lives. Edward might be right about it not being the guns themselves that kill people but they were the tool used to get the job done. _I could shoot them. I could kill one of those bastards. _

She shivered at the thought and slipped out of bed. It was no longer night time and there was really nothing keeping her there. As quietly as possible, she stumbled around the kitchen until she found a notepad and a pencil. It was barely sharp enough to right with but she managed. **Thanks for sharing the bed :) I'll see you later. ** Scribbling the number for her old phone, Bella quietly picked up her car keys and left with a small click of the door.

It felt weird driving in the good part of the city this early on a Saturday. People seemed to be coming and going, rushing around even though most probably didn't have to be at work. Bella wondered what it would be like to live as they did: work a nine to five office job, come home every night to a comfortable home, a husband, even children. As if she could clear these things from her mind, she pushed down hard on the accelerator and tore back to her safe little shithole, away from nicely dressed people and their nicely kept buildings.

She showered before throwing on some new clothes and headed down to the 'book store'. It had been so long since she'd been there that she was anxious that her book would be missing. It wasn't and she fell into her normal, cushy chair.

"Bella?"

She was just about thirty pages in when she heard the familiar voice. Rubbing her eyes, she realized she may have been sleeping more than reading. "Hey, Jacob."

"I see you made it home."

"I'm sorry about that..."

"I don't like him."

Bella was taken aback by his statement but she knew who he meant. "Then it's a good thing you aren't friends with him."

"Is that what the two of you are? Friends?"

Bella weighed her options; it did seem a little ridiculous to consider him just that. It didn't matter, though, she'd give Jacob the answer he wanted to hear. "Yeah. Good friends. I like him quite a bit."

"You were upset the other night. That doesn't seem like a friendly thing for him to have done, for him to have upset you."

"He didn't. There were other things going on."

"Well, just be careful."

"I will be." _Holy hell is this getting awkward! Besides, if one more person tells me to be careful..._

"Are you hungry? Do you want to go for lunch?"

"No thanks. I have plenty of food at the apartment."

"Well, I guess I'll be going then...oh, Emily told me to tell you that she had fun talking to you. I think the girls like having another female around, they're kind of outnumbered."

"It was nice meeting her; tell her I had fun too."

She watched him walk away and wondered what it would be like to have girlfriends outside of the girls she worked with. Emily and Leah seemed nice enough but she had already taken on enough friends for now. _It's just more people to have to say goodbye to, more people to have to lie to._ Stifling a yawn, she stood and put the book back on the shelf. It was still pouring and she pulled the hood over her head before heading outside.

It was around three o'clock when her phone rang and she froze. The only people who had the number were James and Tyler. Still, anytime it rang she panicked that it would be one of them, coming to find her, and giving her a warning. _Why the hell would they warn you? If they wanted you, they'd just come._

Rolling her eyes at herself, she answered the phone and heard James' voice. "Bella, hey, I was wondering if you would be interested in coming in a little early tonight. Tyler's mom is back in the hospital and I'm going to go with him. Things are bad and I don't think he should be driving."

"Of course, when do you need me?"

"You're one of the few with a key. Can you open?"

"Sure."

"I owe you big time...and there will be a nice envelope for you behind the bar. If things slow down, you can leave once I get back tonight."

"Thanks. Really, I owe Tyler for a lot. Tell him I said I'm sorry."

She would have to be there in about two hours but that gave her enough time to try to sort through her money. She paid next to nothing for the apartment and, until yesterday, barely fifty a week on groceries and other needs. The car she drove was actually under Tyler's name and insurance, she just paid him a little for it here and there when he'd let her. So, she sat down and pulled out the rolls of bills. When all was counted, Bella stared with her mouth open at the amount she'd managed to accumulate.

There were four stacks that consisted of ten one-hundreds each, twelve stacks consisting of twenty fifty dollar bills each, and there was at least six thousand in twenties. Every time she got dollar bills she exchange them for bigger ones so she wasn't walking around with wads of them. In a year, Bella had managed to keep over twenty thousand dollars stored in her little slide drawer. No wonder Edward's eyes about fell out of his head. This was not a good idea.

Biting her lip anxiously, the piles of money were starting to make her paranoid. Living off of so little for so long had humbled her. Now that she really knew how much she'd saved, she was starting to freak out. Looking up at the counter where Edward's number was and then back down at the money, she jumped up and grabbed the paper. Picking up the top part of her phone, she dialed the number and slid down to sit on the floor again, her back against the wall.

"Bella?"

"Edward, hi," she replied, slightly breathless.

"Is everything okay?" He sounded anxious and she closed her eyes tightly before getting out what she had to say.

"Twenty thousand...and some more...I didn't count it all..." she practically whispered.

"What? What's wrong?" There was shuffling on the other end of the line and he seemed upset.

"The money," she tried to raise her voice so that it came out a little stronger, "I have twenty thousand dollars covering my shithole of an apartment's floor."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and just when she was about to ask if he was still there he finally spoke. "Bella, how could you not know you have that much money? How?"

"I don't know! I come home and dump it into the drawer and slide the thing closed. It's hidden so that people wouldn't see the compartment at first glance."

"How did it all even fit in there?"

"The drawer underneath is broken and the compartment dips down into it. I think someone who lived here before me did it intentionally."

"Yeah, probably to hide drugs..." he mumbled.

"Look, if all I'm getting from you is a lecture, then I'm hanging up."

"No! Listen, I called the bank this morning. The issue is, you can't open an account without your name. The only way we could put the money in is if you use your name and open the account or if I open the account under mine. They won't even put you on the account without being risked first..."

"Risked?"

"Like a background check. They want to make sure since you have joint access to the account that you have good history with previous banks...you know...like you didn't overdraw your account and skip town."

"Nice try but that's not what happened," Bella rolled her eyes at his tone, he thought he might have been onto something. "So what do we do?"

"Well, I thought then that I could take the money, break it into five hundred denominations, purchase money orders with them, and then put that into a safe deposit box. We'd open it in my name but I would give you both the keys."

"It's perfect!"

"It won't work. First, with this much money, it would have to be done over a couple of days because I can't do any cash transaction in my name over ten thousand or it will trigger a CTR, meaning a lot of paperwork. Besides, you don't only need the key to access the box, you need a signature. So, we'd need to use your name. Also, there are other...issues. We're back to square one."

Silence hung between them so that all Bella could hear was crackling phone line. There was a way to work it and she was sure he knew it, too. They needed each other for it, though. She had to trust him... with twenty thousand dollars. _How the hell do you get yourself into these messes? _"Does the CRT have to be done with the box?"

"CTR," he corrected, "and no. You aren't supposed to keep cash in them but they can't do anything about it if you do. You are given the only two keys they have to open it. A master skeleton key that they have opens one side and your key opens the other. You get two because if you lose one, they won't have to drill the box."

"So, in theory, you could open the box in your name and put the money in it?"

"Yes..."

"Only in your name and they can't see what's in it?"

"Right. You go into a little room and shut the door but..."

"So, in theory," Bella made sure to say, "you could take someone in there with you. Like me. I could be the one who keeps the keys. My name is never recorded but you can't open it without me."

"No. Bella, no. We aren't really supposed to have anyone who isn't on the box with us in the room but I'm sure I can get passed that but there's other issues. If the keys are lost, they drill the box. How do you know I won't tell them I lost both of my keys...and with my name being the only one...they drill it. I could walk away with your money."

Silence fell again. Those were the other 'issues' he had meant. Tyler was the only person she trusted with something like this and there was no way in hell she was going to bother him now. Edward had many opportunities to hurt her, he seemed genuine, and he was the only option. "Look, if you don't feel comfortable with this then I understand but if it's me you're worried about, please don't. I need you."

"I can make an appointment on Monday," Edward relented.

"What do I do with it until then?"

"Well, I mean, it sat in your apartment for this long...but I don't want you home with it by yourself."

"Are you trying to blackmail me into staying with you again tonight?"

"Is it working?"

"Maybe..."

**Once again, I send a huge THANK YOU out to my reviewers. For those who are reading and enjoying, please leave me some :) It makes writing this worth while. I love hearing from everyone and others who have reviewed can tell you that I respond back every time with a few nice words for them and a preview of the next chapter. I just need more loving for this story, though I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea. Letzigprincess xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 9**

**Remote Happiness**

Bella turned her key in the metal door and pushed it open. She had never opened the whole place by herself and decided to come early to make sure she had time to check over everything. James, thankfully, must have restocked everything before heading to the hospital. He had really made it easy for her; she didn't even have to set the chairs on the floor. Usually when James opened, the chairs were still up on the tables so that the floors could be cleaned more easily. Bella stood behind the bar, looking at the DJ equipment, the stage, and the door that lead to the dressing room. Edward was right about one thing, this place was like a second home. _You should feel bad about that! Normal people are not at home in a strip club!_

A knock on the relocked front door pulled her back to reality and she walked over hesitantly. It was Irina, one of the girls from the earlier shifts. Bella really only ever worked at night but had met some of the 'day-timers' a few times before. Irina had been there for what seemed like forever. "Hey, Bella! What are you doing here so early?"

"James asked me to open; Tyler's mom is back in the hospital, so here I am. Some storm we're having, huh?"

"Yeah. It's bad. I was actually kind of hoping we'd lose power because then we could just go home..."

Bella laughed, wishing that she wanted to return home as much as Irina. Then, she realized that she did have something to look forward to. Edward. They had made plans to meet up after work again. "Yeah, one can hope," Bella smiled.

"Do you need help with anything?"

"Nope. James even put the drawer into the register and refilled the napkins. Once the girls and whoever the DJ is tonight get here, we'll be good to go."

"I think it's Eric. Eli was here last night."

The girls chit-chatted pleasantly until the other girls arrived and Bella found herself enjoying their conversation. Carmen, a pretty girl from the Dominican Republic came in, swearing up a storm and cursing the cold weather. Kate came in soon after; she was sweet and the youngest one there after Victoria. Tanya came striding in like she owned the place and even Bella couldn't help but notice the way her hips swayed when she walked straight back to the dressing room.

Tonight, Tanya had on a leather get-up with the tallest heels Bella had ever seen. The corset she wore pushed her boobs up just enough to make you wonder if a nipple would show if she were to bend over. Her entire body was long and lean and her hair fell just to the middle of her back in long, blonde curls. The girl could be working for Playboy; Bella had no idea what she was doing in this cold state in this tiny strip club.

Irina leaned in close to Bella. "James has been trying to get her to work nights with you guys but she refuses. I guess even men like James find her to be the most attractive of our bunch. He tried telling her a million times that she should work nights; she'd end up taking more home because there were more customers. She wouldn't do it, though. I have no idea why..."

Eric came through the door next, interrupting them and lugging a huge bag of whatever it was he needed to DJ. "It's fucking freezing out there!"

"Hello to you, too, Eric!" Bella called, rolling her eyes.

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

"James didn't tell you about Tyler's mom?"

"He did but I wasn't expecting you to be opening. How goes it?"

"It goes," Bella smiled.

"That's all we can ask for."

Fifteen minutes later, everything was in order and the girls were in their places. Walking over, Bella unlocked the door and the first...and only customer was none other than Edward Cullen. "What are you doing here so early? I'm not going on until my usual time..."

"Bells, Tyler isn't here...James isn't even here. I told Em I needed to leave early and so I did and I'm here."

"You're over-reacting," Bella nodded, as if she understood what was going on.

"Will I be over-reacting when some unruly customer does something and it needs to be stopped?" Edward asked. He had a point.

"Well...Eric's here..."

Bella nodded towards the skinny guy who was currently bobbing his head to some song he was listening to on his headphones. His back was even turned to them. "Come on, Bella. Is it so uncommon for a man to want to spend his evening in a club full of beautiful, naked women?"

Jealousy flared in Bella again but she plastered a smile onto her face. "Keep it up and I'll kick you out."

"Exactly. If someone needs to be kicked out, how will you go about doing so?"

"Shut up. If you want to babysit the drunks, I won't stop you. I need to grab some more ice from the back."

She turned to leave but he pulled her back. "I'm just joking around with you. I'm worried about you being here by yourself without anyone to step in if someone gets a little too happy, if you know what I mean."

"Well, then, thanks."

"Oh, and I like this work outfit the best," he said, gently tugging on Bella's jean jacket. She smiled down at her outfit of skinny jeans, a purple top and the jacket. "Go to the bar. I'll get you a beer as soon as I get that ice."

The ice machine and kegs were stored in the basement downstairs. The stairway was just behind James's office and it always set off a panic in her when she had to go down there. Dark basements were not on her list of favorite things. Shoveling ice into the bucket as quickly as humanly possible, she grabbed the handle and hoisted it up. Running up the stairs with something that was this heavy was no easy task but she couldn't stop imagining someone lurking in the shadows. Once the soda dispenser was loaded with ice, Bella stuck the bucket under the bar and looked around.

There were a lot more men than she had expected but she reminded herself that it was a Saturday evening. Everyone seemed to know what to do and she looked at the clock on the wall. Kate was first up in just twenty minutes. The night would then be officially underway. Bella realized she liked this; she liked being in charge of something for once. "Alright, smiley, where's my beer?"

Bella flipped Edward off playfully before setting an ice cold one in front of him. "Behave. I need to go check on the girls in the back. It's almost show time."

Music was thumping from the speakers as Bella stepped through the thick curtain and looked around. When James called her to check in, he'd said she could wear what she wanted. Obviously, he was worried about keeping Tyler calm and would be late getting back. Bella felt awful for her dear friend and wondered how he was doing. _His mother is dying, I'm sure he's not shitting rainbows. _Determining that everything was fine, and that Tanya might kill her with a deathly glare, Bella went back to the bar.

"The Pack is playing tomorrow night at Twilight Moon."

"It's Sunday..."

"We're doing a benefit during the day for the Autism walk. No alcohol but there will be free snacks and soda at the bar. It's a twenty dollar donation at the door to get in and all proceeds go towards the charity. It's for a good cause. You should come..."

"I don't know..."

"Look, everyone's going to be there with someone. Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, of course my mom and dad..."

"Your mom and dad are exactly what I'm worried about! Your mother adores you, what do you think she'll do to me when she finds out a stripper has seduced her son? Besides, when Rosalie finds out that Emmett could have very easily seen me completely naked and he _did_ see me barely dressed, she might kill me."

"I'd love to kill Emmett for that one myself..."

"Now who's being jealous?" Bella smirked.

"My family is very supportive of one another. It's what we do. It's how we deal. Just come with me tomorrow."

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to go take care of some tables, help the girls out. Kate's heading up onto the stage now."

Bella walked away, grinning inwardly at his jealousy and his being there for her. She hoped that maybe tonight they could be together the way they had been a couple weeks ago, she could really go for one of those sessions with him. Just thinking about it made her roll her neck and she had to stop herself from shaking her arms out in preparation. Limbering up in her head, she was distracted when Kate began her dance and the girls shuffled past her, back and forth, waiting on tables.

Bella worked the bar the way Lauren usually did and had a tray of shots ready for Irina to take around when another bachelor party came in. Busying herself in helping the girls fill their orders, she took a break from pouring as everyone seemed to finally settle in. Edward had found his way over to his typical table and she was just about to go visit for a minute when someone beat her to it. She watched as Tanya strode over to him and leaned against the table, giving him plenty to look at. Bella felt sick. _You don't own him. _Still, she could eavesdrop.

"Edward Cullen," Tanya said by way of greeting.

"Tanya, how are you?"

"Good."

"I didn't realize you were still in the city."

"I moved back after my dad died. Mom wasn't handling it well. I guess she's still not..."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Tell her I said hi."

Bella had positioned herself at a table a few feet away from them, cleaning up a table that a few men left behind so they could move closer to the stage. She could hear every word. She also wasn't proud of it, but she had to know what was being said. Tanya was one of the most sought after girls at the club and in all the time Edward had been coming in, he never talked to the other girls like this...except her.

"How's your mom?"

"Good. Ready for dad to retire...but that won't be for a long, long time."

"Still running the clubs?"

"Yeah," Edward sighed and Bella rounded the table she was working on just in time to see him run a hand through his hair. _Something's making him nervous. _"I've thought of walking away a few times, going back to school...it just kind of feels natural to stick around and help. I remember playing in the club during the day when I couldn't even see over the bar."

"So, um, I heard about the benefit tomorrow. It would be really nice to see your family again..."

Bella knew a hint when she heard it. Wiping down the now cleared table, she tried to block them out, not wanting to admit to herself that this hurt. It wasn't supposed to hurt. "Bells?"

Looking up from where she was rubbing the table hard enough to put a whole right through the middle, she saw Edward peeking around Tanya with a small smile. "Do you need something?" she asked, knowing it didn't come out very kindly.

He frowned, but motioned her over. "Yeah. Come here."

Picking up her cleaning supplies, she dumped them on the chair beside him. "You know Bella?" Tanya asked as she approached and Edward surprisingly put an arm around her.

"Bella, Tanya and I went to high school together."

"Small world," Bella muttered under her breath, longing to be as far away from them as possible. They looked amazing together. The complimented each other. Bella felt two inches tall. Well, for a few more seconds because Edward kissed her cheek. Then, she felt like she could touch the ceiling. He kept his hand on her waist and she found herself leaning into him. It just felt natural.

"Tanya, Bella and I will be at the benefit tomorrow. My mom will most definitely be there. Feel free to stop by and say hi to her."

"How long have you two known each other?" Tanya asked. Her voice sounded a little strained.

"Almost a month now. I met her during a celebration for Emmett's impending wedding. I'm here since James and Tyler are both out. I wouldn't have wanted Bella to be here with no body guard."

"You just can't let it go? Always the fighter..." Tanya laughed, amused with him.

"If they give me a reason to fight, it's their fault," shrugged Edward. Bella came down from her high as she tried to figure out what exactly they meant. Fighting would explain his bruises and scars.

"Some things in life are worth fighting for, Tanya. You better get back to work. Looks like more tables came in."

Bella went to step away and grab her things when Edward tightened his grip, bringing his mouth to her ear. To someone like Tanya, who was walking away looking rejected, it would seem that they were just showing each other affection. Really, he was whispering to her. "Hear anything of interest while cleaning that particular table?"

Knowing she'd been found out, Bella sighed, "Thank you. Really."

"For what?" he asked, obviously not expecting that to be her response.

"You know what. You also know that you don't belong to me. You didn't have to do that."

"I have no interest in her. She's bad news. I wanted to make it crystal clear that I'm not interested in jumping on that wagon of crazy. There's a reason she's single."

"Well, it isn't her body..." Bella countered.

"No. It isn't. I could give you a list of reasons why she's single but it's not worth either of our time. Besides, I'm getting what I crave. There's nothing she could possibly do for me."

To Edward's credit, he actually walked over to the bar, giving up his table so he could sit by her. Bella didn't know what was going on until she looked over and saw that Tanya was on stage. The men up front looked like little kids on Christmas, waiting desperately for their parents to give the permission to start unwrapping. It felt wrong watching and she kind of felt sick to think men would look at her like that during her routine...then again...maybe they didn't. Maybe Tanya was like a super stripper. Bella would have to remember to get her a cape for the Secret Santa exchange all of the girls were planning to do in December.

Bella looked over at Edward as she walked past to refill a table's pitcher. He looked forlorn and she wondered how the two knew each other's families so well. She thought about what he had said; that she was supposed to be going to the benefit with him and Tanya was welcome to stop by. That meant something to her, it spoke volumes. "What time are you picking me up tomorrow to go to the benefit?"

Edward smiled up at her from his stool. "We'll deal with those details in the morning. Don't sneak out on me again," he laughed, proud of his clever little plan.

The night went well and James came in right around eleven. He thanked Bella a thousand times before handing a hundred dollar bill to Edward. "Bells said you kind of stepped in for Tyler tonight. You didn't have to but I'm glad you did."

Bella listened to James's grateful tone and smiled to herself. Obviously, James was warming up to who the girls had deemed 'Mr. Yummy'. Tyler never did come in that night and from what James said, it was only a matter of time before his mother passed. They were moving her to hospice in the morning. "Bells, you two both have been here for a while and we can handle it now. Irina called Tyler to check in and even said that you danced earlier. Why don't the two of you head home? Relax a little."

Bella only had to think about it for about a second before nodding her head in agreement. James seemed to be surprised that she agreed so readily, usually she had to be talked into leaving early. "Will you call me if something changes with Tyler's mom? I want to be there for him..."

"Of course. Leave your cell number behind the bar before you leave. I need to switch out the register drawers and put them in the safe. I don't like having this much out on the floor." Turning back to Edward, he patted him on the back. "Take our girl home and let her relax. She's one of the good ones, Cullen, and more than past due for a break."

Edward nodded and smiled at Bella, he seemed so happy. Bella just blushed at the compliment and scurried back to change and get her things. When she returned, Edward was waiting for her by the door and took her arm as they made their way to the parking lot. "So, you're staying with me right?"

"Yeah," Bella relented.

"Let's drop your car off."

By the time they got to the apartment, Bella was feeling the six hours of being on her feet. Standing beside her car, she looked up at the apartment and wondered what to do about the money. Edward got out of his own car and walked over to her, looking worried. "You okay?"

"Yeah...um..."

"You're thinking you shouldn't leave your money by itself tonight?" he asked knowingly.

"I'm sorry...I just don't think I should leave..."

"Here's the deal. You aren't staying here tonight by yourself and there's no way in hell I'm letting you stay here by yourself with that much money. We'll go get it and take it back to my place. I'd offer to stay here but I don't know that the little pull down bed on the wall is big enough for the both of us. So, you come back home with me, we'll take the money, and you'll both be safe. Deal?"

"I don't know why you're helping me. I don't deserve it."

"Stop saying that! Come on, you heard James, I'm supposed to get you home and let you relax," he said with a smile.

"This is home," Bella frowned, walking with him towards the apartment building.

"No. My place might not be home but home is wherever it is you grew up. This isn't home. This is a temporary substitute for a home. A rather shitty one at that."

There weren't words to describe the emotions she felt. That was the one thing, more than anything, she wished she could change. If this happened to her, fine, she couldn't control it. Her mind was the one thing she was supposed to be able to control and she couldn't. It was like she no longer even belonged to herself; her mind was constantly against her. _I belong in an insane asylum. _Bella thought of how emotional she was and it made her even more emotional. She just wanted to be able to control herself. That's all she wanted. She didn't want to be crazy anymore.

"Do you have a bag or something to put it in?" Edward asked.

"Um...no...I mean I have plastic ones from the grocery store..."

"No. We need something that can hide it a little more. You can almost see right through those bags." He walked over to the kitchen and started opening cupboards. "Here. Perfect."

Bella's eyes widened as he held up the green bowl set she had been using to keep the lunch meat she bought sealed up—he refused to let her buy lunch meat the last time they went to the store. So, at just before midnight, Edward and Bella walked out of her tiny shit hole of an apartment with a container full of bills equal to over twenty thousand dollars. All Bella could think as they road towards his place was just how fucked up her life seemed to be.

Once they were safely inside, she and Edward emptied the bowl and set the stacks of bills into a duffel bag in the back of his closet. She had just set the bowl to the side when he picked her up and carried her bridal style to the large couch in the living room. Bella glanced quickly behind them to make sure the deadbolt was in place and then cuddled into him.

"It's locked," Edward said nonchalantly. She wondered when her paranoia had become normal to him. "What do you want to watch?"

Bella looked down at the remote he just set in her hands like she had never seen one before. Of course she had, her father used to watch TV all the time. Her mom even watched those corny soap operas that no matter how many times you missed the episodes in a row, you could turn them on and still know what was happening. There were many movie nights with her friends when she was little and she had so loved Sesame Street. His voice asked more softly this time, "Bella? What do you like to watch?"

"I...I guess I um...it's been a long time since I've watched it...what do you like?"

Taking the remote back from her, he found a show she'd never seen before. "This is weird..."

"You've never seen this before?"

"No."

"When's the last time you've watched television? And that doesn't include sporting events at the club," Edward laughed, definitely amused.

"Um...I can't...I can't remember." _Four years. It's been four years. How has it been that long already?_

He lost his smile and seemed to instinctively pull her closer. What he had turned on was some cartoon, obviously geared towards adults, and she laughed deeply at one of the jokes. She looked up to see Edward watching her, the wide smile back on his face. "What?"

He just shook his head and kissed her forehead. "You don't laugh enough. I've seen you laugh when you're around others but you hardly ever do it when we're alone."

_That's because I can't pretend with you. I have no idea why but I can't hide behind fake happiness when you're near. He's asked me to take my shield down, to let him see the real me, this is it. He's the only one who ever sees the real me. _

**Thanks to my readers and reviewers out there! The next update should be at the end of the week! Please review, there haven't been that many and it worries me. The next chapter includes some more insight into Bella's past and Edward experiences how difficult things can be for her. I hope you stay with me! :) Letzigprincess xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**~I am giving a final warning for those sensitive readers out there. This one may be hard to read for some. **

**Chapter 10**

**Breaking and Baking**

"Did you and Tanya date when you were in high school?" Bella asked softly as they lay in bed that night.

"No," he answered just as quietly, playing with her hair. "She dated Em for a little while. She's...uh...she's Rosalie's cousin."

Bella gave him a confused look and he just smiled. "Emmett broke up with her before he and Rosalie really even started to talk. Tanya had just decided to go her own way and Emmett wasn't willing to follow."

"People go their own ways. People grow up and... They move on."

"I care about you." Bella was only trying to make small talk but Edward whispered the words like he had meant them to be silent, said only in his head. It caused tears to come to her eyes.

"I...I..." her voice cracked as she tried to speak but couldn't quite do so.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"We're more than what we started, aren't we? We're even more than just friends. I should have stopped. I never should have let myself..."

"Don't do this. Please don't leave," he was saying it as she was sitting up, pulling away from him.

"Edward, I'm going to sleep on the couch. I need to think. I need...I've never..."

Edward pulled himself up quickly and went to her, careful not to touch her and she knew it was because he was scared. "Bella, where did you go? Don't slip back into that scared girl. Don't leave me."

"Can you not see me? I...I'm right here. I'm standing right here and...it's not my fault. Dammit!" Bella tried to pull herself together; she had no idea why she felt so angry. She really was crazy. _The bastards have taken everything! Even my chances of being loved. It's not fucking fair!_

She stood there, breathing heavily and wondering how their warm, content moment could turn into this...into such anger, such frustration. _How can he possibly still want me? Does he not see that I'm ruined? _To her surprise, he stepped closer, close enough to hug her if he wanted to. He still would not touch her, though. "Bella, do it! Get mad! Yell and scream! It's okay to be mad!"

_I didn't want it. I didn't want to be given to men but they treated me like it was my choice! Those bastards are the reason I didn't get to go to school! They're the reason I can't go to the doctor or open a bank account. Those men, those rich bastards that would look at me like I was nothing, they knew! They justified it by telling me I was a whore, that I wanted it. _"I didn't want to do it!" screamed Bella, her fists clenching as her face contorted and she breathed heavily through her nose.

The second the words left her mouth, she bit down on her fist, trying to stop the other words that were there on the tip of her tongue. _They wanted me for my body and they took everything from me because of __their sick obsession! They're the reason I don't know who my parents are now! They're the reason I don't know if my parents are happy at all or sitting around waiting for their daughter to return. They're the reason I can't love him. I can't love Edward. I can't. I can't. _"I can't. I can't. I can't."

She didn't realize she was verbalizing any of her thoughts again until he tried to interrupt her. Her stomach turned and she ran to the bathroom. When she couldn't even gag anymore, she just cried. Edward never bothered her; it was like he knew she needed to be left alone, given privacy. He had told her it was okay to be mad. It was the first time anyone told her how it was okay to act. _How do I experience trauma like I went through and know how to act if no one tells me?Edward told me. I love that he told me. _

After what felt like hours, she came out of the bathroom, her breathing now normal and she was much more composed. Biting her lip, she found Edward in the kitchen with a cup of tea in front of him and another sitting at the seat across from, waiting for her. "If you want me to leave I can."

"No. I never want you to leave. Please, have some tea. It should still be warm."

"You can't fix me."

"I'm not trying to."

"We can't love each other."

He opened his mouth to shoot back another reply but closed it again when nothing came out. He stared at her for a long time before pressing his lips into straight line and stirring his tea around. "I'm not trying to."

"I'm scared."

"I know," he said so softly she barely heard it. Then, and she could swear she saw tears in his eyes; he looked straight at her and said with conviction. "I won't let them hurt you anymore."

"You can't promise me that. I don't want you to promise me that."

"There are a lot of things you don't want but I am incapable of not doing," he was almost angry as he slid his chair back and dumped the rest of his tea into the sink. She watched him stride back to the bedroom, wondering if she should follow, when seconds later he came back with a pillow and a blanket. "You sleep on the bed."

"I don't want..."

"I don't care!"

Swallowing hard, she felt like running and knew she had the money there. All she had to do was grab the bag and go. He'd never find her again. He was mad and when men became angry, they were dangerous. Her feet stayed firmly planted on the ground, though. She wasn't going anywhere. She couldn't. As much as she wanted to tell herself that they couldn't love each other, it was too late. She wasn't trying either and yet it was _already_ too late. Holding her head high, she took her tea back to his room, closing the door more gently than she had intended, and climbed into bed.

_Darkness fell early that night as she waited outside in the snow. As the sun went down, it seemed that the world around her was freezing more and more. There was no feeling in her toes and her hands weren't fairing much better in the scraps of fabric she had them wrapped in. A man was meeting her on the road beside the old motel she was forced to frequent. Her heels were open-toed and she wanted to cry, wondering if frost bite was setting in. It sure as hell felt like it._

"_Izzy?" _

_Bella couldn't smile; she had trouble even lifting her eyes. She tried to remember what she was told to do. Smile. Act like you want it. She didn't say anything but took his cue to walk into the motel by herself. Making her way up the side steps that would lead to the top balcony floor; she waited outside of the usual room and bit her lip. Hard. Finally finding courage, she went into the room and closed her eyes._

_She had long ago stopped trying to make herself come up with reasons why things weren't so bad. Had this been a few months ago, she may have thought the man at least looked slightly attractive, had he not been there to take advantage of her so that her boss could make a cheap buck...or not so cheap buck...she had heard rumors about how much some of the other girls cost. She had no idea what her worth was and with that thought, she turned when the door opened and then clicked shut. _

_From the look on his face, Bella could tell he was new to this. That didn't make him any better in her mind. He was dressed up like he was going out for a night on the town and she swallowed hard as he slowly approached her. He emptied his pockets as he went before taking off the suit jacket and laying it on one of the twin beds. When he turned to face her, he took off the belt of his pants and she began to shake. As he pulled off the belt, he set a gun on top of the jacket. _

"_Poor little girl," he smirked, walking towards her, the belt still in his hand. "Come undress me."_

_He was now in front of her and she reached her shaking hands up to unbutton his shirt. Her stomach turned and she closed her eyes for just a second, just long enough to pretend for a moment that she was somewhere else. A sharp pain hit the back of her leg and she screamed out. Almost falling into him, she swayed a little and he hit her with the belt again, right across the other leg. "No. Please..."_

"_Come on, Izzy. It's consensual, right? Doesn't this turn you on, even just a little bit?"_

_Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she tried to hold her head high. The short skirt was doing very little to protect her so she was thankful that her legs were slightly numb from being outside. She managed to get the shirt off and she reached for the zipper of his pants. He hit her hand with the belt; a welt immediately appeared across the bottom of her knuckles. "My turn, baby."_

_Kneeling in front of her, he slid off her skirt and pushed her to the ground, ripping her shirt as she fell. "Don't look at me."_

_This was a command that she could actually comply with. Her humiliation had already gotten the best of her and she stared at the floor in front of her. She screamed as he hit her again but this time, he stuffed something in her mouth to keep her quiet, not giving her the chance to do it yet again..._

"Bella?"

_This was wrong. Even as she was receiving the punishing blows from this man, she managed to straighten a little. This wasn't what happened. No one used that name here..._

"Bella? Bella, please! Please, please, please just open your eyes. Wake up!"

Suddenly, there was a bed underneath her and she panicked, wondering if she had passed out from the pain of the blows. Her pillow was soaking wet and she wondered how badly she was bruised. "Bella! Thank God! I've been trying to wake you..."

That's when she realized there would be no bruises; this was just a sick dream, even if it had happened to her before. As she lay there, hearing a soft voice above her, she felt dizzy and grabbed out for anything to hold her steady. Before she knew what was happening, she was on someone's lap. They were holding her to their chest and rocking her like a child. _Edward. _Too tired to fight and too shaken to care if it was right or wrong, she wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life. If he was talking to her, she had no idea what was being said as she just cried and cried.

"What did you dream about?" he asked softly after a while.

She shook her head, keeping her eyes closed and just leaning into him. They remained that way for so long that Bella must have fallen back to sleep. When light came in through the raised curtains, she felt Edward stir underneath her and she opened her swollen eyes. They weren't on the bed at all. Instead, they were on the floor by the bed. He still held her to his chest, in the same position she had fallen back to sleep in a few hours ago. He was cross legged on the floor and she was cuddled into him.

"Edward?" she asked, touching his face gently. He was still half asleep. When he finally opened his eyes and looked down at her, she hugged him tight but then let go and said very softly, "You can let go now, Edward."

After another long moment, Edward reluctantly let her go but immediately helped her settle back into bed. "It's still early. Go back to sleep."

He stood up to leave and she panicked in her sleepy state, reaching out for him again. "Don't go. Please."

Edward kissed her forehead before standing up and walking over to the windows. Once the sun was blocked, he lay down beside her and pulled her towards him once again. "I'm right here. I shouldn't have acted the way I did last night. There was no reason for me to yell at you. There is also no excuse for it."

"It's okay..."

"Do you typically scream for help in your sleep?"

"Sometimes," she nodded honestly as her eyes almost closing again on their own, "but no one ever comes."

"I'll always be there...if you'd just let me."

"I need you," Bella whispered, exhaustion speaking for her as she held onto him tighter.

"Sleep. We'll talk later."

"I can't talk...I love you."

Bella woke hours later, feeling slightly refreshed and smiled when she saw Edward there. He was still holding her. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged, "I'm sorry about last night. About all of it. I can't believe how I acted."

"I don't think that anger and sadness was aimed at me. I'm just glad I was here when you were screaming last night. I wanted to give you space but when I heard you..."

"No. I'm glad you were there to wake me. They get...intense."

"Bella, when you woke up, you said something..."

_What did I say? Was it about the dream? _"What did I say?"

He looked away and Bella watched him run a hand through his hair. "You said...I might have heard you wrong...but if I didn't that's okay too..."

"Edward, what did I say?" Bella asked again, desperately needing to know.

"You said you love me."

"No I didn't," Bella answered quickly, almost too quickly. _Please, God, let him understand. _They weren't even supposed to be friends. It just felt so, so good to have someone to turn to. It felt so good to have someone to protect her, even if he could only protect her from herself. He looked crestfallen.

"Okay. That's fine. Really."

"I should go. I should leave now..." Edward sat back as Bella spoke those words, she could tell she was hurting him. After everything he did for her, it broke her heart. It was the one part of her that hadn't been shattered. Her body, her mind, and even her soul might be gone but unlike every other girl she knew, she never had her heart broken. She had never had a first love, something else those bastards took from her. "I can't, though. It's not okay that I can't. Edward, there's a reason I don't have many friends. I need to be able to just leave if I have to. I can't do that with you. I'm really, really scared of that."

"What if I told you that you don't have to run away. Whatever this is that you're afraid of, we could face it together."

The idea of Edward anywhere near those bastards was something she couldn't stomach. If it wasn't over the danger he would be in, it was the image of her avenger near those soulless human beings that made her stomach turn. She could not even imagine him anywhere near those motels, warehouses, and old office buildings. That would never be him. It couldn't. He didn't belong in that world.

"You _don't_ understand!"

"Are you worried about going to jail? Bella, are you wanted..."

"No! I'm not running from the police." The irony of that statement slammed into her. _Only one police officer, my father._

"Is it your parents? Have they hurt you?"

"No. My parents were...are...wonderful."

"You haven't spoken to them in a while, have you?"

"No."

"How long, Bella?"

She didn't know why she answered truthfully but she did. "Four years."

His eyes widened. "If they weren't dangerous than why won't you speak to them? If they're so wonderful don't you think they at least deserve a phone call?"

Bella knew she made a mistake in telling him. Family was obviously very important to him and he very much cared for at least his mother. _This is just another reason that I don't deserve you. I don't belong in this world just as much as you don't belong in mine. _"I don't have a choice."

"So, you're not in any legal trouble and you aren't running from your family...well, not because they hurt you but for another reason. How long have you been here in the city?"

"A little over a year."

"And before that? Where were you then?"

"A lot of places. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

He tilted his head to the side but nodded. "I have an idea."

She sat up in the bed then, pushing her hair out of her face. "Let's shower and then head over to your place. You can get fresh clothes and do whatever you have to do and then I know a certain group of people that could really use some help making cookies and things to serve at the benefit..."

"I don't know if I can do this. Your family seems great but I..."

"I'm not taking no for an answer. Do you want to eat or shower first?"

"Shower," Bella answered quickly, then blushed, looking down at her hands.

"Alright. I'll have something ready for you when you come out."

"Oh." Bella caught herself before she gave him the biggest frown of her life. She thought he meant for them to shower together. _You just had a horrible dream about a horrible sexual experience and now you want to take him into the shower with you? Yup. We're off to the loony bin..._

"Don't look so disappointed..."

"I'm not. If you want to, though...I mean...it's okay if you want to..."

"I'd be honored to join you, Bells," he smirked, kissing her on the cheek, "but if we wait too much longer, they'll be done with the baking before we can even help them. There's no way in hell I can resist a wet Bella. Let me make you something to eat while you take a hot shower. Try to relax a little."

Bella felt sick. His family's home was possibly one of the coziest homes she'd ever been to. It was a beautiful brick house: complete with a porch swing and apple tree. The driveway was full of cars and Edward pulled up right up front before coming around to open her door. "Are you going to tell them about me?"

"I'm not going to lie to them but they'll be okay with it..."

"I'm not the women your mother wants you to fall for, Edward. How can you say..."

"Look at me," he said, stopping at the top of the porch stairs and taking her by the chin to look at him. "I'm not going to stand by and hear anyone cut you down. My family will not treat you badly. Rosalie is the only one who may be upset but she's not upset with you. She's more pissed at Jasper and I. Please, just give them a chance."

"I shouldn't be here. This is a family thing."

"They need the help. Trust me." Bella assessed his tone and determined that he was being honest. If he was going to introduce her to them, she was glad she had something to offer. Help. Taking a deep breath, she reclaimed his hand and braced herself as he opened and stepped through the front door.

"Emmett, I swear to the big man upstairs, if you throw one more stinking cookie..."

"Esme, hand me those pot holders!"

"Alice, love, if you eat all the cookies there won't be any more for the benefit!"

"Emmett! You heard your mom! Stop it!"

Bella's hand had a death grip on Edward's as they rounded a corner into their very warm, very noisy kitchen. At first, no one really even noticed their presence and Bella took in the scene before them. The pregnant Alice was putting icing and sprinkles on the cookies as she munched away on them. Rosalie was stirring the batter in a large bowl while the woman Bella recognized as his mother, Esme, was helping to spoon blobs of the batter onto a banking pan. Jasper was helping Alice while Emmett was just kind of setting cookies onto a cooling rack and handing the empty trays back to an older blonde man.

A flour-covered Rosalie looked up at them, the first to notice they were there, and just stared at Bella. It wasn't like she was being rude; she just seemed to be contemplating the situation. Esme looked up next and beamed when she saw her son. With a wooden spoon still in her hand and flour covering her arm, she strode over and hugged him before even noticing Bella. "Well, hello. Who is this Edward?"

Bella wished she could run and hide. This was terrifying. "Mom," Edward began, "this is my close friend, Bella Swan. Bella, this is my mom, Esme Cullen."

"Hi," Bella smiled shyly but was taken by surprise when Esme's face lit up again and she pulled Bella in for a tight hug. Not expecting it, and still holding onto Edward, she squeezed his hand and he looked at her with concern on his face.

"It's wonderful to meet you, Bella. Welcome to our home."

The blonde man came over then and smiled warmly at Edward, Bella took a step back from him. "Bella, this is my father, Carlisle Cullen."

"It's nice seeing you again," he responded towards Bella warmly, though he looked rather embarrassed. She stood up as straight as possible. This was getting awkward and it was about to get worse.

It was Emmett that really made her almost lose her cool. He was huge, over six feet tall and very muscular. "She's a cutie, bro. Where'd you find her?"

_Here it is, Bella. Prepare for them to kick you out. I never should have let Edward talk me into this..._ "Actually, I met her the night of your bachelor party."

"I think I'd remember a pretty girl like her."

Rosalie scoffed, mixing the batter with a little more force than necessary. "You don't remember _much_ of that night. Conveniently, you mainly don't remember the end..."

"Lighten up, Rosalie," Edward said, walking around the table to give her a gentle punch to the arm.

"Yeah, if he doesn't remember a stripper from that night..." Jasper began before Alice elbowed him.

Immediately, Bella's entire face turned red and Edward walked back over to her, taking her hand again. "You're one of the girls?" Rosalie asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow not at her but at Edward.

"She is. Speaking of Rosalie, I spoke with your cousin, Tanya. She works with Bella."

This seemed to shut the blonde up and Esme spoke for the first time. "Is that where you've been all these nights? Do you have any idea how worried we've been about you? Why didn't you tell us you met someone? Edward Anthony..."

"Mom, relax. Bella and I are just...together...right now. I would never intentionally keep something like this from you to make you worry."

"Bella," Carlisle spoke, addressing her directly, "would you like to help Alice decorate the cookies?"

"Of course."

"Good," he smiled. "Esme, leave our son alone and get that batch in the oven. We only have a few more hours and I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to grill Bella on everything later."

"Of course. I didn't mean to be rude. It's just...Edward likes to be his own person so much. We go days without seeing him and he almost never brings anyone to meet us..."

"Esme," Carlisle warned, looking pointedly at the still empty baking pan.

Esme sighed before hugging Bella again and patting her son on the cheek. "Edward, you can help box everything up."

For the next two hours, Bella laughed along with the fun, loud family and tried not to think of her own parents who she had left behind. His family really was wonderful, even Rosalie who she could tell was none too happy with her future brother-in-law. Everyone seemed to genuinely enjoy themselves and the only problem she was having was dealing with Emmett. He was big, loud, and not at all what her jumpy self needed. A few times, she'd grabbed onto the table...or Edward...when Emmett got too close to her. Breathing heavily, she did manage to get through those couple of hours and helped Edward carry the rest of the boxes to a van outside.

As if they assumed she was there to stay, at least for the day, Esme kissed her on the cheek and then turned to Edward. "Emmett will follow you down to the club. We'll bring everyone else once we're cleaned up a little. Rosalie and Alice are working on the dishes."

**As much as my diehards love the story, I'd also love to hear from everyone. The next couple chapters-particularly chapter 12 is a bit intense. I'll send you a preview for eleven if you leave me some love. Please review. Letzigprincess xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 11**

**Miss Stubborn, Mr. Yummy, and Ms. Slutty Pants**

"Bella, are you afraid of Emmett?" Edward asked with one part amusement and one part concern as they made their way to Twilight Moon.

"He's nice but he's...big," she stumbled over how to describe him.

"A man hurt you. Someone who was stronger than you," he said it with certainty and he wasn't wrong, even if he didn't know the whole truth. To say no to him would be a lie, so she stayed silent. "Is that why you're afraid of Emmett?"

"You're stronger than me," was her only response to that.

Edward smiled before reaching over and taking her hand. "Either way, you have nothing to worry about with Emmett. He's like a big kid. Besides, if he would touch you in any way that hurts you, which he _won't_, I will kill him, even if he is my older brother."

"I don't know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything."

When they finally arrived, Emmett was already there. Together, they unloaded the van and Edward lead her back upstairs. "The bank is closed today but I'm going to get the deposit ready from last night. I'll take it when we go tomorrow to open the box..."

"You said The Pack was playing tonight?" she asked as they went through the board room and into a small office.

"Yeah," he said, flipping on the light and plopping down on a well-used desk chair. Bella looked around, taking in the space that was obviously his office. There were pictures on the wall of him with his brother, sister, mom and dad at a camp site. It must have been taken a long time ago as it was a little faded and he looked to be about ten. "It's okay that your friend will probably be here right?"

"He _is_ a friend, Edward, of course it's okay."

Another picture caught her eye as he unzipped a money bag and started laying out the bills, pulling money straps from his top drawer. This picture was taken at Twilight Moon; Bella recognized the blacked out windows that the group was posing in front of. Emmett had an arm around Rosalie and was making bunny ears behind her head, Alice stood between them and another couple with her head resting on her palms in an 'I'm too perfect to have a date' kind of way. The couple beside the vibrant Alice was what made her stomach twist. A petite blonde was on her tip toes and kissing Edward on the cheek.

"A little over six months ago," Edward stated and Bella turned to face him.

"Huh?"

"I know what you're wondering and we broke up six months ago."

"Oh."

"I met Jane while I was pretending to be a college student. I was never very good when it came to academics and I was even worse when it came to accounting."

"Accounting?" laughed Bella, shocked that would have been his chosen profession.

"Like I said, I'm not that great at it. Em's the only one who would have hired me and I figured he'd hire me with or without the degree. So, I dropped out, got the apartment, and joined the family business. Most nights, when I'm not with you or singing here, I'm doing gopher work for him and working as a bouncer when one of our guys calls off."

"If you met Jane in college, did you date her for that many years?"

"I only went a few semesters but we became good friends and a year ago she showed up here. We dated for a while but it wasn't meant to be. She's engaged to some surgeon and living in a house that makes my parent's house look like a storage shed." While none of this was something that would normally hint that it hadn't ended well, his tone reflected differently.

"You sound bitter," Bella said cautiously.

"All that glitters is not gold, Bells. She wanted someone more driven than me and I wanted someone more laid back than her. I was never going to be that guy that wanted to come home to a trophy wife who was more interested in a hair appointment than wanting to go for a walk in the park." Bella accepted this response but she could tell there was something he wasn't telling her.

"So you get me, an emotionally disturbed loony." She said it with a smile that didn't meet her eyes.

"That's bullshit," Edward spat and Bella fell into a frown. "I don't want to hear that from you. You're traumatized, not a loony. You're not crazy, Bella, you're scared."

She sat quietly, not knowing how to respond, on a chair in front of his desk. "Did you love her?"

"I thought I did but I've felt stronger feelings for someone else since then," he said, strapping a pack of hundreds together. "What about you, Miss Swan? Are there any exes I need to be looking around for?"

She could tell he was wondering if that was what she was running from, a deranged ex. Not knowing how to answer, she tried to come up with something before giving up and being honest. "No. No exes."

"You've...you've never had a boyfriend?"

"No," she said, holding her head as high as her shame would allow. She wasn't a virgin when they first had sex, he had to have known that, and she could only imagine what he thought of her now. He was getting much closer to the truth than she was comfortable with and quickly changed the subject.

"When is Alice due?"

"Rather soon, actually. We're expecting the new arrival to come next month. Her shower is next weekend."

"So soon to her due date?" Bella asked and then wondered if that was normal. It wasn't like she was an expert at this kind of stuff.

"It took a long time for my dad to accept it. My mom wanted him to come to terms with it before she filled their house with baby shower paraphernalia. It was already chalked full of wedding decorations..."

"When is the wedding?"

"Two months. Em and Rose want a winter wedding. Believe me, I don't think it's the best idea. Our winters are horrible here."

"They're even worse in Washington," Bella stated, shivering a little at the thought and then immediately shutting her mouth. She'd said too much. As if he could tell her omission was one she hadn't intended to make, that it was part of her secret, he sat up a little straighter.

"Washington State or D.C.?"

"You said you won't try to figure out my past..."

"If you tell me..."

"I won't. Forget I said anything."

"Edward!" Emmett's voice boomed causing Bella to jump and grab the side of the chair. Edward watched her with concern before turning to look at his brother who was now standing in the doorway.

"Emmett, calm down. Please."

"Sorry, sorry," he said, holding his hands up as if to say 'my bad'. "Rosalie wants to know if I saw Bella naked."

"Emmett!"

"Well she does and I'm curious myself..."

"No," Edward said slowly and clearly annoyed. "She's right here. Can you be a little more respectful?"

"I think it's a legitimate question. Don't you agree, Bella?" He really wasn't trying to be disrespectful; it was just how he was.

Bella's eyes widened as his gaze fell to her. "I...um...I guess. You can tell her to rest assured; you were so drunk I don't think you even realized you were in a strip club."

"Thank you!" he boomed again. "Finally, someone who can confirm my story! Rose still brings that night up. I mean, get over it!"

"Em, is that the only reason you came up here?"

"No," he shrugged, "mom wanted me to tell you that Aunt Liz and Uncle Pete just walked in. They want to meet Bella."

"They know about Bella?" Edward asked, looking over at her in surprise. "How do they even know about her?"

"It's mom. She was probably on the phone with Aunt Liz before we even left the driveway of her house."

"Alright, we'll be down soon."

Emmett was closer to Bella now and reached down to shake the back of her chair a little. "Whether you two are just fucking or making sweet love, mom is already telling the fam about you. Welcome to our dysfunctional, fucked up circus that we call family."

Bella knew he was just being nice in his own Emmett-ly way but she wanted to cry. His one arm was the size of her torso. "Emmett, Bella doesn't like to be touched. Back up a little," Edward suggested, trying to be nice about it.

"Sorry, sorry," he said again, complete with hand motions. "I'll just be downstairs."

Elizabeth Masen was ridiculously pretty with long, red and brown hair. She was dressed in jeans with a baggy button up shirt tied with a belt. "This must be Bella," she said, as soon as Edward and Bella made it to the bottom of the stairs.

"Bella," Edward began, "this is my Aunt Liz. Uncle Pete is over there talking to my dad; he's my mom's brother."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," smiled Bella.

The woman watched her intently enough to make her nervous before she stepped forward to hug Edward. To Bella's surprise, the woman didn't touch her but her kind gaze told Bella she approved. Edward led Bella behind the bar and handed her a soda before heading over to help his mom hang up a sign. Pete and Carlisle came over then and Bella felt like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming Mack truck.

"Bella, this is my bother-in-law, Peter Masen."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Masen."

"Dr. Masen, actually," Carlisle laughed but then winked at her. "We all just call him Pete, though."

"A doctor?" Bella asked curiously, trying to remain brave and not take yet another step back. Pete was watching her carefully like his wife had. Doctors had definitely left a bad taste in Bella's mouth. _Where __did Edward go? _

"I work in the prison systems. I'm a psychiatrist."

Bella swallowed hard. _Worst luck ever! What the hell are you going to do now? He probably already __knows just by looking at you that you should be institutionalized. _"That's nice. I need to find...something. I'll be back."

Pretending that she had to go look for something upstairs, she tore up the stairs two at a time only to slam into Emmett. "Woah, girl. You okay?"

"I'm...I'm fine." _You're not fine! You can't even catch your breath._

"You don't look fine," Emmett reached for her, probably just planning to put his hand on her shoulder, but she stepped back suddenly and started to shake.

"Seriously, Bella, what's happening to you? You look almost green. Are you sick? Did Eddie get you pregnant?"

"What? No..." Bella got out, shaking her head at the ridiculous man in front of her.

"Do you need me to get Edward for you?"

"Yes," Bella breathed gratefully and watched a concerned Emmett go down to search out his little brother. She could hear Emmett announce to anyone and everyone who was listening that Bella needed Edward because she was 'upstairs freaking out'. Not even ten seconds later, Edward had made his way upstairs and was by her side.

"What's going on? Did someone say something to you?"

"No. Nothing like that. This is so embarrassing," she whispered, leaning back against the wall. "I'm sorry. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be okay."

"Something triggered this. Did Emmett say something to you? Anything at all that upset you?"

_What are you going to tell him? 'You're uncle scares me because he has the word doctor in front of his name.' Yeah, that will make this less humiliating. _"I just over reacted to something stupid. It's fine and over and I'm kind of humiliated right now. God, what your family must think of me..."

"They're worried."

"They don't even know me! Edward, I'm not here for pity or sympathy or whatever the hell they want to try to throw my way. I have to do this on my own."

He looked offended for a minute, looking away and then back down at her, he said quietly, "I thought I was helping you."

This could make or break them. If she told him he wasn't helping, there was no doubt in her mind that he would be okay with her walking away. He had done so much, put forth so much effort, and it really came down to whether or not she could find it in herself to hurt him in order to save him. She thought of the life they would have together, her being afraid of his big brother, of his uncle, even of his father. It wasn't like she was meant to have children, she had nothing but her job as a stripper, and his mother would hate her forever. No one wants their son to marry a crazy, uneducated stripper.

While Bella opened her mouth to completely break him, her body once again had other plans and stepped closer to him instead. He misread her intent, putting his arms around her and kissing her forehead. "You're not alone anymore."

"I've had a very bad experience with doctors...can we just leave it at that?"

"Absolutely," he said, almost relieved that it wasn't Emmett that hurt her. "Do you want me to take you home?"

_Yes. If this is going to work at all you need to get used to all of these people in small doses. _Bella thought of her life before this, for years it had always just been her. There was not one relationship made that she couldn't just get up and walk away from at the drop of a hat. "I think it might be a good idea."

The disappointment on his face was clear and she felt her heart twist. Even for her, she hated the idea of going back to her apartment and just sitting, just waiting around for something bad to happen until she could leave for work. Before Edward, Bella couldn't remember a time when she waited and expected something good to happen. It was always bad. He walked back a few steps to turn the office light on and then took her around the waist again. "Let's go."

Bella held tightly to him, her body trying to communicate that it was sorry. Her heart trying to say what had been spoken and up until now remained unspoken earlier that day. It was her mind that was forsaking her, listing the dangers of this situation one at a time, over and over again. It was like a sick checklist. _Doctor? Check. Big men who could take advantage of you? Check. The inability to walk away from Edward? Check. _

Her face reddened as they came face to face with everyone there. Edward remained calm and kept his tone light. "Bella's not feeling well. I'm going to take her home and then I'll be back."

"Sweetie, if there's anything I can do, just let Edward know," Esme said, approaching them and giving her a kiss on the cheek before doing the same to her son.

"It was fun, Bella!" Alice called. "Let me know if you want to hang out!"

Even Rosalie stepped over, giving her a hug. "I didn't mean to offend you earlier. I was just a little surprised. He's the love of my life, ya know?"

Bella smiled back at her. "Rosalie, I swear to you, he was so drunk when they brought him in that I think he slept through the whole time he was there. I'm sure he doesn't remember much and I was just leaving as they came in. I have no respect for the married men that come into our place but bachelor parties are pretty common. They only have one of those in their lives, or at least it's supposed to work that way, and I heard that Emmett was a gentleman the entire time he wasn't face down and half asleep."

Rosalie seemed to find these words soothing and gave Bella another hug. Elizabeth Masen approached them next and gave her a small hug. "If you ever need to talk, just ask Edward for our number. We're just glad to see our nephew happy. He's been a little...lost."

"Aunt Liz," Edward began but she pulled him in for an even tighter hug and he had to quit talking on account of no air getting to his lungs. When she let go, he coughed a little. "I'm coming back."

"Take your time!" Esme called over, obviously concerned about Bella.

Peter just watched her without being too obvious about it and Alice and Jasper waved their goodbyes. When Edward touched the small of her back, she truly felt bad for leaving, like she was just being ridiculous. "Edward," she said as they stepped into the daylight, "I'm sorry. Really. It's just that I don't handle...certain people that well. No, that came out wrong. I like your family. It's not them, it's just that..."

"I think you did well. They can be a little overwhelming but you held your own." He opened the car door for her and went around to the driver's side. "What I don't understand is how you can handle working in a crowded club with men who might mean you harm but you can't handle groups of people when you're in a dance club with people who generally aren't out to grab you."

Bella shrugged, having wondered that for years, "I'm messed up, Edward. It's what I'm used to."

That statement lingered between them and she gathered courage to look over at him. When she finally did, his knuckles were almost white and she frowned. It wasn't until they were in front of her apartment that he looked over at her. As he turned in his seat to face her, he undid his seatbelt and leaned the side of his head against the headrest. "I'm going to try to come tonight but I'll probably be late."

"Take your time. I'm already pulling you away from them right now. They'll need your help. Go ahead back and I'll see you tonight."

"And if I don't make it?"

Bella glanced at her apartment and thought of the days when she was always home by herself. Those days seemed so long ago. It felt wrong to have to go sit there by herself, knowing she could be with Edward and choosing not to be. She had to prove this, though. She had to know that she could still make that choice. "Have fun with your family."

"I'll see you later. Do you want me to walk you up?"

"No. I'll be okay."

Bella entered her sad apartment and locked her crazy locks. It was cold and she tried to turn the heat up, knowing full well it was broke and would blow slightly warm air at best. Deciding to make herself something in her over-stocked kitchen, she began pulling out a cucumber to cut up when the high trill of the phone made her jump. Staring at the phone, Bella hoped and prayed this wasn't about Tyler's mom. In no way could she handle that right now. His mom had always been so kind to her.

"Hello?" she breathed.

"Bella?" James voice came across as slightly relieved. "I've been trying to get a hold of you..."

"Tyler..."

"His mom's still hanging in there. I just wanted to keep you in the loop."

"Thanks. I think I'll give Tyler a call. See how he's doing, ya know?"

"You sound...strained."

"I kind of feel it."

"You can take the night off. It's Sunday. I don't even know how much longer I plan to keep the place open all seven days of the week."

"No. I can be there. I'll see you tonight. Thanks for calling."

"You're welcome. Get some rest, Bella. We'll try to get you out of here early tonight."

She set the phone down to hang up on him then picked it up and dialed Tyler's number. "Bells?"

"That was quick," she laughed. "How are you?"

"Hanging in. James is...James is a good guy. He's been here almost as much as I have been. Do you want to know something else? Just last night, right after James left to go to the club, mom grabbed my hand and fucking gave me her blessing! I mean, she's dying, Bells. She's really dying and just now she realizes that who I am is okay. Dammit, Bella, she's finally starting to accept me."

"At least you don't have to lie to her anymore or think she's been disappointed in you. It's obvious she loves you and she'd still love you even if you drove a gay pride float through her living room."

"Yeah, I mean, she's not exactly crocheting me a rainbow vest but she's trying to let me know she's okay with me before she goes. That's all I could possibly ask for but I don't want to lose her."

"I know. People say goodbye, though, Tyler. That's just how things work."

"Did James talk to you about having the day off? I think he's trying to cut back on people for Sundays since we're so slow. Tanya called off for the first shift. I guess James figured now was as good a time as any to see if he could make things work with less girls."

"Tanya called off?"

"Yeah. There's some big benefit going on at..."

"Twilight Moon," groaned Bella. "Yeah, I know. Edward's family owns it."

"Oh, yeah," Tyler remembered. "Is this a bad thing?"

"I don't know. I guess not. It's just that...she seemed really friendly with Edward yesterday and she used to date his brother."

"Keeping it in the family, huh?"

"Gross and I don't know. I mean, he's really cute and he's sweet and his family is great and he's so kind to me..."

"What's there not to love?" Bella bit her lip at his choice of words. After she didn't say anything, he continued. "That boy isn't going to cheat on you. Call it intuition but I just know it."

"No, he's not going to cheat because he's not mine. He can't cheat on me if we aren't together like that..."

"You two seem a lot more than that to me. I don't know how to describe it but even if you aren't 'dating', it seems that you have something...important going on. It's none of my business, though."

"Well, I like him but I kind of broke down last night and then again earlier today in front of some of his family."

"Like panic attack broke down?"

"Yeah."

"You don't have to tell me again, I already know that if you told me your secret, you'd have to kill me. Even so, I wish you would try to find someone to talk to about the way you've been feeling. It's obvious that there is intense anxiety and bouts of depression to contend with..."

"No. Who would I talk to? I'm messed up and that's how I'll stay."

"Well, Miss Stubborn, good luck with Mr. Yummy and Ms. Slut Pants. Mom's doctor is here to talk to me so I need to go."

"Okay! Keep me updated! Oh, and Ty?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you and your mom trying to work at accepting who you are. She really does love you and let's be honest, if she crocheted you a rainbow sweater, you'd just break her heart by not wearing it. Dark colors are definitely the way to go for you."

"True fucking story, Swan."

So, we got a little insight into Edward's past. I know a lot of you were waiting for it. The next chapter is kind of intense but I think those who have stuck with me so far will really enjoy it. To those few who are reviewing, please keep it up. It means a lot and I promise to update for you soon. Letzigprincess xx


	12. Chapter 12

**WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be too intense for some. I'm not trying to scare you away but I really don't want to upset anyone or trigger anything. Please read with caution. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 12**

**Don't Become My Tragedy**

At eleven forty-five that night, Bella wished like hell that she had a cell phone. While his number was memorized in her head, she didn't want to call and bother him. Surely, though, a benefit that started early in the day could not possibly still be going on. Her heart tried to reason with her, telling her that he was probably just spending time with his family, visiting with his aunt and uncle, or even that he decided to turn in early for the night. They'd been up late the night before, gotten up fairly early that morning, and he had a lot to help out with. At least she had been able to take a nap before coming work.

Just when she had things reasoned in his defense, her mind went on offense. The idea that Tanya had probably been with him, even if she still wasn't, made her stomach turn. Then, there was the idea of Edward being hurt. He could have wrecked his car; he could have gotten into one of his fights that had already left scars on his body. Still, the worst image her damn mind liked to throw at her was of him fucking Tanya hard against an alley wall, on his couch, or worse...in his bed.

Throughout the rest of the night, she tried to tell herself that she was being ridiculous. Besides, as she had decided before, he wasn't hers. If he wanted to fuck a different girl every night it wasn't like she had any say in it. Defeated, she climbed up onto the stage and began her routine.

"Bella, we might as well just close," James said to her about an hour later. "There's really no one here and I don't think any of us are up to continuing on tonight. I'll walk you girls out when you're ready," he added, glancing around, probably looking for Edward.

"Thanks. Let me grab my stuff."

Once she was safely in her car, heavy heart and all, she made her way towards her apartment. The streets were somewhat quiet but as she made her way to the door, she realized that she couldn't run if she would need to. Not only did she not have all of the money, she had _none_ of it. An internal debate began as she tried to decide if she should go to Edward's and see if he was there so that she could get some of the cash or if she should just stay barricaded in her apartment.

If they opened the box at the bank, this is how it would be for her. If Mike or someone else showed up to try to reclaim her, what did she have to run with? It wasn't like she could stick around a couple blocks down the road until the bank opened or even until she got a hold of Edward on her non-existent cell phone to get him to come sign for her. No, there was no way she could risk having to rely on this many factors. Over the last few weeks she had done nothing but let her guard down and now she was back to where she was years ago: weak, helpless, and broke in more ways than one.

Grabbing her car keys again, Bella headed back out the door. Edward might not want to be bothered but she needed her money. It was late enough that she figured he had to be at home. Fifteen minutes later she was pulling into the parking garage and noticed a shiny red car parked in the place of his. Completely ignoring the possibility that it could be Tanya's car, Bella made sure her car was locked and headed towards the elevator. The ride to the top was excruciating and when she came to the door, she couldn't hear anyone on the other side. After knocking loudly she stood back to wait. After at least ten more knocks, one try of opening the door on her own, and ten more minutes, she sighed in defeat and pulled her car keys from her jacket pocket again. Worry flooded through her as she tried to figure out where he might be.

"Um, Jacob Black? This is Edward Cullen. Your friend gave me your number. I know him from the club," Bella heard him talking by the elevators, just around the corner. Relief flooded her veins. "Look, it's fine if she is but is Bella with you? I'm kind of worried..." It was then that he turned the corner and saw her. She mouthed a sheepish 'hi' to him when she saw how disheveled he looked. His entire body visibly relaxed. "No...no. I just found her. Thanks. Sorry to bother you so late. Okay. Bye."

"I didn't mean to worry you," Bella said, stepping forward. Her bad night forgotten with him standing in front of her.

"I went to the club and you weren't there so I went straight to your place and you weren't there either and then I called one of The Pack numbers that we have on our contacts list and got Jacob's number and..."

"Why are you so worried?"

"You're running from something," he said sheepishly himself.

"I'm fine."

"Thank God," he muttered, stepping closer to her. "Why did you get out early tonight?"

"No one was there," she shrugged. "I didn't think you were going to come with Tanya calling off..."

The look on his face told her that he knew exactly what she meant by that but the irritation that was there made her wonder what happened. "She showed up and was pleased as punch that you weren't with me."

"I figured she would be."

"Come on, let's go in. I don't like standing here in the hallway this late at night. Are you hungry or anything?"

She shook her head, really just wanting to be held, and followed him in. "I actually just came to pick up the money. I don't know...I don't know if this is a good idea."

"My place is safer than yours."

"No. I mean all of this."

"We've been through this already. You said you don't want to leave. I know you're scared." To her surprise, Edward didn't just try to reason with her. He tried to desperately get through to her stubborn self. "How many years did you say you've not spoken to your parents? How many?"

"Four-ish."

"How many years have you lived here in this state?"

"Part of that..."

"Bella, listen to me. What you're running from hasn't tried to hurt you yet. Correct? Have they done anything to make you believe they know where you are or that they're even trying?" His words, for whatever reason, hurt her.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Just stop. I came to get my money and then I'm leaving."

"Where are you going?" he asked frantically. He knew this was goodbye.

Taking a deep breath she thought of the job she had and the friends she made. If she took off now, Tyler would be devastated. _So would Edward! _"Home. Back to my apartment."

"That isn't home," he reminded her.

"We've been through this already!" Circles. That's all this was. They were just going in circles.

"Fine. You want your money, go get it. It's your decision to walk around for the rest of your life with way too much money on hand and acting like a scared little girl."

"I'm not a child," she bit out, coming towards him so that she was a few inches from him. _Mean. You have to be mean._ "You need to let me go and not come to try to find me. I don't want this and I don't want you."

"Then leave!" That hurt. Those two little words made her shrink in on herself. They cut her like glass, ripping open every scar so that they were once again fresh wounds on her psyche. If those words cut her, the next ones made her come undone. "I can't love you if you won't let me and that's not fair! If the sex still meant something to you, we'd still be together. I can't do this. I can't be in a relationship based just on sex. Not with you. Fuck!"

He was mad. Edward Cullen had lost it and Bella had no idea what to do next. She had expected him to be a little bit upset, maybe just beg a few times and then let her leave. _I'm a good fuck but not that good._ Seeing him this way, looking like he wanted to hit something in frustration struck a chord with her. Just the night before he had been the one to tell her to get mad. To yell. He told her it was okay when no one else ever had. _I'm frustrated too! Don't you see that? Don't you understand? I love you, too._

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to step away from him and head down the hallway towards the bedroom. She knelt down in the closet, the need to pick up the money was perfect for her to hide the fact that her knees had just simply given out. Throwing the money into the plastic container wasn't going to work as easily this time. Her hands were shaking too bad and there was too much money to fit in it unless it was done carefully. Struggling with the lid, she managed to at least get it part of the way on, leaving bills scattered on the bottom of his closet.

He never approached her; he never tried to stop her as she walked past him. Instead of saying something, she saw that his mouth was busy with a bottle of whiskey. Slamming the door, she held her bowl tightly and walked to the elevator. The doors hadn't even closed before she found herself on the floor. She had her money. All she had to do was get out of the elevator, hail a cab, and go. There was nothing left for her. Reaching up, Bella found the red button through her tears. Pulling it towards her, the elevator stopped and she closed her eyes.

_Metal. There was metal everywhere, it was there all the time. Bella lay on a cold metal table with her hands bound at the wrists with metal wire. One girl she knew had a metal allergy. Bella didn't know what had become of her; she hadn't seen the girl in months. More metal approached her on a rolling cart as a white-dressed man came in wheeling it over to her. Picking up one of the implements, Bella closed her eyes and felt as he went between her legs to do whatever it was he felt was necessary. The metal inside of her was a shock to her system. _

_The doctor was cold, unfeeling, and definitely did not care if he was hurting her. Biting back tears, Bella closed her eyes and pretended she was on a beach somewhere. Hell, she didn't care if she was in the bottom of hell; it had to be better than this. Her tears, just like her God, had forsaken her. Sliding down her face, they puddled on the table, making her not only cold but now she was wet. _

_The opening door turned Bella's stomach as she knew that another man was seeing her like this. "How's this one?"_

"_Good, Mike. Everything looks okay."_

"_No chance of pregnancy?"_

"_No. I'll get the patch off of her and we can put in the implant. It lasts five years and..."_

"_I want this one permanent."_

_Even the acting doctor, who Bella had a feeling wasn't licensed, looked shocked. For the first time in ages, Bella began to fight. Blinking the tears from her eyes, she kicked at the doctor as he pulled away, surprised. Her arms were tied but her legs weren't. When he was far enough away from her, the instrument that was inside of her now in his hand, Bella sat up and glared at the men. She could scream but that would get her nowhere. Staring them down, Bella swung her legs off of the exam table and stumbled as she lost her balance while standing up. As if it had taken Mike that long to recover, he caught her by her neck and brought her back down onto the table. _

_She struggled as much as she could but he was bigger than her. When her legs were bound as well, Mike's cologne wasn't so strong anymore and she knew he was no longer beside her. A blindfold had been placed over her eyes but the tell-tale click of the door told her he left. The bastard had a weak stomach. The cold metal slid into her again and she continued to fight. They had taken away her life, her freedom, her family, her future, but she would not let them take the one thing that she had always wanted. The idea that they were about to take away her ability to bear children brought on a frenzy in her that rivaled every amount of anger she had ever felt before. _

_Bella knew she was too young, too unstable for a baby. It wasn't about the now. It was about the later. If she dwelt on the now, it would haunt her. The later was all she could focus on. It was the only way to make it through any of this. She had to believe that after she got away from Mike and his friends, she would have a chance to live. _

_Bella would wake up hours later sore and confused on the cement floor of a basement. There was a lot of blood but she was more concerned about the noises she heard upstairs. Boots on boards was her soundtrack for the night and she listened closely. Police. There were police upstairs, at least three of them, all asking questions about Mike's whereabouts. If it wasn't for the bound hands and duct tape across her mouth, she would have screamed. Instead, she looked around for anything that might make a noise of some sort. _

_When she realized there was nothing there to even clank against the bars she was held behind, she began to cry. It wasn't the type of cry that came out when she was being hurt by the men. This was a cry of sorrow, of grief, of every feeling she felt since waking up in that damn warehouse. The tape over her mouth was making it hard to breathe as her nose was stuffy from the crying. Swallowing hard, she realized her throat felt like it was on fire. She knew then that must have been pretty damn vocal about her wanting to have children. _

The sound of dinging woke her up and she realized that at some point during her nightmare, she'd managed to tip over the bowl, spilling her money. Hastily trying to pick it up, she reached for the red button and pressed it in to begin its decent when she realized she was heading up, not down like she'd intended. Someone must have requested the elevator and she must not have been down low enough for it to not drop her off in the lobby first. "Shit!"

Tears were sliding freely down her face from the nightmare she'd just relived and sweat covered her entire body. Whoever was outside, waiting for a ride down, was in for one hell of a shock. They'd probably think she was on something and call the police. The lid was back on her money and she tried to stand but just couldn't seem to get her damn legs to work. Giving up, she sat back and decided that whether or not someone was there when the doors opened, either way they would think she was crazy, like really crazy. Crazy enough to be put away forever.

When the numbers stopped at Edward's floor, Bella felt sick. _Don't let it be him. Don't let it be him. _She knew from a discussion between herself and Edward that there were only two people living on that floor besides him, and the one was never home. It had to be early still, so it was probably the other person. Edward would be warm in bed...

"Bella! Jesus!" A whole bunch of expletives rolled off of Edward's tongue as he instinctively knelt down and picked her up, bowl and all. He didn't say anything as he carried her back to his apartment and struggled with unlocking the door. Once they were inside, he took her straight back to the bedroom and laid her down, prying the bowl out of her hands. "What the fuck were you doing? Have you been out there since you left? It's been hours!"

She couldn't fight with him, not now. The feeling of a soft bed in a safe place was the only thing she could focus on. Then of course, there was his voice. It was almost hoarse and very gruff...and very angry. It didn't matter. His hurtful words and frustrated lectures were the lullaby for her dreams. Her body was throwing in the towel, or maybe it was just her mind. Either way, she was completely shutting down. The last thing she remembered was clutching his blankets in her fists and letting go.

**EPOV**

Edward watched in horror, in even more horror than when he found her in the elevator, as Bella's eyes seemed to just switch off. They were alert and terrified in the elevator but as soon as he'd gotten her into the bed, they were lifeless. The way she was breathing heavily, he knew she was still alive but she wasn't responding to a mean word he was saying and that was so unlike her that it made him sick. When she closed her eyes and didn't open them back up, he shook himself into action and practically jumped on top of her, checking to be sure that she was still breathing and then taking her heart rate.

This wasn't an overdose. This wasn't something that any external factors could fix. Bella was exhausted, frustrated, anxious, and depressed all at the same time. In other words, she was scared shitless. He just stared at her for what felt like too long before scrambling for his phone and calling the only person he knew that might be able to help. There was no way in hell he was taking her to a hospital. The phone rang and rang so he tried again. The third time, a concerned voice came over the phone and Edward knew he must have been sleeping. "Uncle Pete? I need your help. Now."

"Edward? It's not even six am. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"No! It's Bella. I think she's having a mental breakdown and I don't know what to do. I found her in my elevator when I went out to look for her. She was here with me earlier and then we fought a little and she walked out. I thought she went home but a friend of hers tracked me down...his mother had passed and he couldn't get a hold of her. When I tried calling she didn't answer and I went to go over to her and the elevator opened and she was sitting on the floor crying..."

"Edward, you need to calm down. Do you know if she has a history of harming herself or others? It sounds like she's not taking the fighting very well. Do you think she's on something?"

Edward saw red. His Bella would never do drugs. This was insane. Did Pete not understand that the only danger here was danger to herself? "Something happened to her..."

"Now?"

"No! I don't know what happened to her but she's running from something. Please. She needs your help."

"She needs to go to a hospital if you're that worried..."

"I can't take her to a hospital! She's afraid of doctors, that's why she had the reaction that she did after meeting you. Uncle Pete, please. I need you."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. "Edward, I really recommend that she be hospitalized..."

"No," he said, nothing could be said to change his mind. If Bella was afraid of doctors, there had to be a reason for it. She wasn't bleeding, vomiting, or seizing so she wasn't going to the hospital. This was emotional and he had a feeling that her waking up anywhere but here would make things that much harder on her. Besides, images of crazy doctors jumping out of every hallway to attack her came to mind. There was no way in hell he was taking her anywhere. "Forget it. I'll figure it out on my own."

"Who is it, Pete?" Edward heard his aunt ask in the background.

Pete sighed loudly. "Edward."

"Oh God, has something happened?"

"Something's happening with his girlfriend."

Edward listened to their back and forth and decided not to fight the girlfriend comment. He looked down at the girl in his bed and felt sick. If Pete couldn't help him, he didn't know who could. He'd thought she was really gone. He really thought that she had taken her money and ran, just like she'd always said she would do. He wondered when he had become what she was running from.

Liz was just lecturing his uncle on the proper way to treat family who needed help and he couldn't listen to them argue. No one wanted to help her. He got it. He would help her himself, even if it killed him. "Forget it. She needs help and no one wanting to help her is exactly how she got this way. Something horrible happened to her. Something tragic. I'm not going to let her down."

"Edward, do you really think you're what's best for her?"

"That's bullshit! Don't you dare start with this again..."

"That girl was abused, Edward," his uncle dropped his voice to a softer tone but the word _abused_ hit him like a ton of bricks.

"I...I don't know that..."

"Think about it. She's probably running from someone who did something to her."

"And you think I'd hurt her? Forget that I called, Pete."

"Edward, wait! I don't want you to get into more trouble..."

Ending the call and throwing the phone into the hallway, Edward grabbed his laptop from the living room and went back to the bedroom. If she was going to run anyway, he was breaking his end of the deal. The first thing he did was pull up good old Google and punch in her name. He didn't expect any of the hits to be her but there sure as hell were a lot of Bella Swan's. Adding 'Washington' to the end of her name, Edward's heart rate sped up when the first link lead to a missing person's site. His Bella was about halfway down the page, a picture of her when she was younger stared happily back at him. It reminded him of a senior picture.

There wasn't much information, just the typical information about her and a contact number. He didn't dare call it; he wasn't taking the chance of alerting whoever she was running from of her whereabouts. Hitting the back button, Edward clicked on the next link down. It seemed to be a news article. His ringing cell phone sounded before the page could load and he heard the sheets ruffle a little as Bella stirred. Standing up, he went to put the phone on silent and head back in when he saw it was her friend Tyler. Maybe he knew something.

"Hey, I found her but she's...she's not doing so well."

"With the news?"

"No. I actually haven't told her yet."

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked, immediately all business.

"What's she scared of, Tyler? I know you at least know some of it."

"Look, she trusts me..."

"Then you need to fucking help her! You said it yourself. She needs help emotionally."

"The only thing she told me was that she wasn't afraid to be around the men at the club because she'd been with worse. I chalked it up to a rape. Maybe. Honest to God, I don't fucking know. Do you need me to come?"

"No. I don't know how she's going to be when she wakes up. I'll tell her your news as soon as I think she's stable. I'm really sorry, man. Bella has a huge soft spot for you and your mom. I know she's going to be devastated. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Take care of Bells. She let you in and it's long past overdue that she did so. I'll be okay if you make sure that she is. Call me if you need anything. I'll come right over."

Edward hung up and walked back in to check on her, she was sleeping rather soundly and he watched her chest rise and fall. He approached her and risked taking her hand. It was cold despite the sweat on her brow. He checked her heart rate again. Normal. Just as he got comfortable beside her, Edward heard knocking at the door to his apartment. Frowning, he grabbed the baseball bat from beside his bed-stand and walked to the front door. When he looked out through the peephole he was shocked.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He tried to remain calm but was pissed that his uncle would deny Bella help and then show up because he knew Edward was upset with him.

"Where is she?" Pete asked in an annoyed manner, trying to see past him into the room.

"Sleeping in the bedroom. Keep your fucking voice down. I didn't call to ask for help for me. If that's why you're here then you can go the hell back to your safe little bedroom and keep pretending that you give a shit about others."

"Edward," Liz spoke this time, demanding his attention. "Hear him out."

"I don't have time for this. I need to be back in there if she wakes up. I'm sorry, Aunt Liz," he added quickly, addressing only her, he knew it wasn't her fault that Pete could sometimes be a real prick.

"Edward," Pete began, ignoring Edward's efforts to get them to leave, "you were arrested for assault..."

"We've been through this eight million times! I wasn't even held; they booked me and then let me go an hour later. Janie dropped the fucking charges. She fucking_ lied_."

"If Bella is so important to you, don't you think she belongs with professionals who can help her?"

"I'm staring right at a God-damned professional and I don't see you jumping up to help. I do love her. I love her more than I ever loved Janie, even before everything went to shit between the two of us. Bella's been running for at least a couple years and I'm the only person right now who she even slightly trusts besides one guy whose mother just passed a few hours ago. If you think I'm just going to stick her in the emergency room and let whoever the fuck is 'what's best for her' go at it, you've got another thing coming. I'm not leaving her and I'm not taking her anywhere. I called you because I need your help."

"He's going to give it," Liz put in, stepping almost in between her husband and her nephew. "What do you know about her?"

"I know she's a couple years younger than me, she's completely paranoid and a flight risk. She's been walking around with twenty thousand dollars in a fucking Tupperware container because she thinks if she's suddenly been found, she can use it to run away. I know that she's from Washington and her parents aren't the culprits for her fear. She's afraid of doctors and men make her nervous. Her friend, Tyler, who's also the bodyguard at the strip club she works at, told me that he suspects she was..." he lowered his voice, wondering if he would ever get the word out at all, "raped."

Liz stepped forward then, resting a hand on his cheek. She opened her mouth to say something when they heard a loud cry coming from his bedroom. Everyone turned to look towards the back of the hallway and soon, Edward was bounding towards her. Liz and Pete hung back and he figured that was probably for the best. She was in the fetal position, her eyes wide, and he approached with caution. "Bella, do you remember what happened?"

**Bella POV **

She opened her mouth three times before swallowing hard and just shaking her head. Everything felt blurry. "I remember being in the elevator and stopping it for a while. I needed to rest."

"Why didn't you just stay here?" he asked. Edward looked so, so haunted. _I'm so sorry.._. She left because she just needed to rest. Her body tensed when she realized he hadn't taken her to the hospital...yet.

"Bells, do you remember when I said that my uncle was a psychiatrist?"

"Yeah," she said cautiously, her voice still hoarse. She watched him glance towards the door.

"He's here..."

"You called him?" she asked, practically gasping for breath.

"I found you on the floor of an elevator hugging twenty thousand dollars and leaving a puddle of sweat on the floor that had been two hours in the making. This isn't normal!"

"You don't know what normal is for me! Things have happened before..."

"Tragic things! No more. No more bad shit. I know that you are hurting and I'm sorry. I'm desperately, desperately sorry that someone did bad things to you. I'd kill him if I knew who he was. I know that you're prepared to run but why did you give up in the elevator? You did it because you knew in your heart you couldn't leave me like this. Enough of these tragic events in our lives! No more! Don't become my tragedy, Bella."

"Why do you care?" This was bad. They were both in far too deep.

"Because, I love you."

"Don't..."

"No. _You_ don't. Don't run away from me. Don't quit living your life because something shitty happened to you that wasn't in your control. You want to fight for what _you_ want? Well, I'm not going to stop fighting for _you_!"

"What makes you think that talking to a shrink is going to help me? Why would you call him?" She tried to get mad. She wanted to get mad.

"I'd do anything if it meant you might be less likely to leave and never come back. Even if it meant that I had to stick rusty thumbtacks under my nails I'd fucking do it. I know you're hurting and I know your life was bad and I know it wasn't fair but why can't we just try to be happy...with each other? Please, please just try."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't understand why you are so damn worried about me. If you leave it's going to hurt more than anything you or anyone else could possibly do. I've had my share of heartache, Bella. I can't lose you, though."

"I still don't understand why you love me so much."

"I think in a way, you maybe, kind of saved me. I want to do the same for you."

She held her breath and looked around. This was it. She had to walk away forever or give in. "So, he's already here?" she asked quietly.

"Yes."

"Edward, please don't take this the wrong way but I don't like men. I don't trust them..."

"I'll be here with you."

"I don't want you to be," she blurted out, knowing that was the part he'd be offended by.

"Oh."

"There are parts of my past that I have never, ever told anyone. I won't damn you to that knowledge just because you love me. That's not fair. I'll talk to him but if I can't do this, you have to back off and let me be."

"Fine. I just want you to try."

**:D She's going to try to get help! Can you hear the crowd going wild? lol Thank you to everyone who has been kind enough to show their support and hello to any new readers! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and that you'll leave me some loving by reviewing! It means a lot to hear from you and I promise to respond back. Lots of love, Letzy xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 13**

**Control**

Edward kissed her lips gently before heading out to get his uncle. Pete and Edward went way back and their relationship was much more than just nephew and uncle. Edward had his fair share of problems and when tough love didn't seem to cut it, Esme found that just letting him talk did. When Pete began showing up at Twilight Moon twice a week, Edward pretended that his mom hadn't asked his uncle to come. He just let his words spill out.

Bella probably did deserve someone better but at the moment it seemed that he was really her only option. The universe was cruel. "Uncle Pete?"

Liz and Pete seemed to be fighting about something when Pete stood quickly and nodded. "I'll be back, Liz."

She just nodded as well and remained on the couch, Edward noticed now that she wasn't wearing makeup. He'd never seen her without makeup. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Pete was there because of her. Edward knew Bella didn't want him around for the nitty-gritty stuff but he refused to leave her alone with Pete until he knew she was okay with it. He knew Pete would never hurt her but that didn't mean _she _understood that.

Bella had lifted herself up so she was sitting straight up against the headboard. She looked terrified again and it killed him to see her like that in his bed. He remembered the goal they were trying to achieve and forced back the urge to ask Pete to leave. "Hello, Bella," Pete said gently.

"H..hi," she stammered out. It was so unlike her, the girl he knew to be so strong and independent, that it broke his heart all over again.

Pete seemed to contemplate what to say for a long time before asking softly, "How are you feeling?"

"T...ti...tired." Her fists clenched the blankets.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bella. I want to try to help you."

She sighed and let the blankets go with one hand, immediately bringing her freed hand up to run through her hair. "You c...can't. No one can."

"Can you tell me about your family? Where you came from?"

She actually smiled a little as if remembering something safe and cozy. Edward felt relief. "I was an average student and I loved to swim. I was an only child and my father spoiled me. My mom was a little flighty but she loved us both."

The whole time she spoke now, Bella stared at Edward, not daring to look at Pete. Pete continued his soft questioning. "Did you have a lot of friends?"

"Some. I had a few close friends and some I didn't talk to that often but were fun to hang out with."

Pete shifted a little and Bella tensed. "Did any of them hurt you?"

Bella stared at Edward, her eyes wide. He took this as her wanting him to leave. "N..no."

"Edward said you're afraid of doctors. Did something happen to you as a child?"

She didn't answer right away, just frowned at him and risked glancing at Pete so she could look at the door. Edward motioned a kiss in her direction and walked with purpose from the room. He knew he shouldn't listen to them, that if it was that bad and he found out, it would be damn hard to keep the information to himself. Elizabeth must have saw that he was struggling because she came over and asked if he was hungry for some breakfast. He realized he'd barely slept in two days.

"No!" He heard Bella practically yell and before he really thought about it, he was back in the bedroom. They were where he had left them but Bella was almost falling off the opposite side of the bed that Pete was on. Edward went to her and looked up to see Liz in the doorway, concerned herself about what the hell was going on. It sounded like his uncle was trying to murder Bella.

"What's going on?" Edward demanded, looking between Pete and his newest patient.

"She's too scared to talk to me. Edward, I really think she needs to be somewhere where people are trained to handle her..."

"What the hell do you mean by that?"

"I can't do this here. First, it's unprofessional and second, if she needs to be sedated..."

He felt Bella shove against him and he fell back, not from her being strong but from him being taken by surprise. She ran out of the room, slamming the bathroom door. "Pete," Liz spoke up, "I know you're trained for dealing with this kind of stuff but you need to have a little more compassion sometimes. She's a scared girl. She's not some psycho. I know you work at the prison but come on! You have to remember what it was like to treat someone who isn't trying to kill you or talk to you about hurting others. She's the victim!"

Pete seemed sheepish for a moment and then nodded his head. "I'm sorry...

"Let me try," Liz requested, looking to Edward.

"I don't know that she wants to talk to any of us right now."

Liz just nodded but walked over the bathroom door. Edward followed but frowned when Liz shut the door behind herself. At least Bella let her in, he reminded himself. "Edward, I'm sorry for earlier," Pete said behind him, "I just don't want to see you get caught up in something again. You tend to be aggressive when you're upset."

"Jane lied," Edward reminded him again. "She even admitted to lying. I know that sometimes I can be a little rougher with the idiots we throw out of the bar than necessary but I would never lay my hands on any woman and I'd cut off both of my hands if the thought of hurting Bella even crossed my mind."

"Liz is right; I'm not the right person to get through to her. I deal with criminals, the more crazy of the bunch sitting in prison. It's hard to switch back into the kind counselor after dealing with those bastards for this many years. I don't want to make things worse on her. When you came back to see what was happening, all I did was ask if I could check her pulse. She was having trouble breathing and I was worried she really did need to go to the hospital. She flipped. The second you left the room I thought she was going to start crying."

There was no yelling in the bathroom and he could hear Liz's hushed voice and once in a while Bella's tearful one. He knew by her tone that she was crying. "Thanks for coming, even though I know Aunt Liz forced you."

"She's right, I shouldn't have said what I did to you and I should have just come. I love you and rest of my nieces and nephews more than I can describe."

"I know."

"Come on," Pete said, gesturing towards the front of the apartment. "Let's fry up some eggs or something. You look like you could use some coffee...or a month's worth of sleep."

"I can't sleep right now."

"Coffee it is."

Almost an hour later, Bella crept out of the bathroom with Liz in front of her, as if Liz was acting like a shield. "You made eggs."

Edward looked up at his aunt as she smiled at the food. Glancing back at the solemn Bella, he waited for her to come to him, not wanting to scare her. When she was standing so that her hand rested of the back of the chair beside him, he took her hand and pulled her into his lap before she could sit in her own chair. The feeling of having her close was euphoric. "You okay?" he whispered into her ear.

She nodded and he kissed her cheek, offering her his plate of eggs while Pete set a tea cup in front of her. "Bella, I have an apology to make. My nephew here called me to help you but I am not used to working with victims."

The word victim made her hands start to shake as she held Edward's fork. "S'okay," she got out.

"I know a few people who might be able to help you more than I can."

To Edward's amusement, Liz interrupted her husband, "I don't think that's necessary, Pete. Bella and I had a nice long talk and we have a lunch date tomorrow."

Her voice made the message seem final, more important than one would typically take a 'lunch date'. Edward had never felt more grateful to one person in his life. Liz had been let in. As if to celebrate, he brought Bella's face towards his by cupping her cheek and moving her head so that he could kiss her. She wasn't running.

Not too long after Liz had said about their meeting the next day, she and Pete left, obviously wanting to give them some privacy. Edward still sat with Bella on his lap, watching as she carefully took each bite of egg. Once in a while she would offer some to him and every time he'd turn them away. "So you like Liz?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about your uncle. He didn't do anything wrong, I knew I couldn't do it, Edward. I hoped that I could and I was fine until you left. I panicked...it wasn't his fault."

"You scared the hell out of me, Bella. Uncle Pete wanted me to take you to the hospital instead of having him come here. I wouldn't. I want you to know that."

"Thank you. I mean it. I'm sorry I was so awful to you earlier. I've just never been this comfortable with anyone before. I'm afraid of getting too attached."

"I really thought you were going to leave for good. I thought I'd never see you again..."

"I saw you turned to that bottle of whiskey."

Edward turned to see what she was pointing at. "Yeah. I tried to forget about things, ya know? I didn't want to admit that you were gone yet. I just sat on the couch and drank and..."

"Cried?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Actually, yes," Edward said, feigning offense. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

"I don't know. I'm still tired. I really don't know what happened earlier. I was scared and I just had to take a break and when I stopped the elevator, I never intended to stay in there that long."

"I'm just glad someone else didn't find you. If they had they probably would have taken you to the hospital. Not to mention you were holding twenty thousand dollars in a plastic bowl."

"Where were you going that you found me?"

Edward became quiet then, knowing she was going to know something was up. She was ridiculously observant. "I, um...I was trying to get a hold of you a while after you left and I was calling and calling the apartment but you weren't answering. So, I decided to drive over to check on you, hoping against hope that you were still there and just not answering your phone."

"Why? Why did you need to get a hold of me?"

He wished that all he had to say was that he missed her and was worried that she'd been harmed. He wished that he had just missed her. In truth, if it wasn't for Tyler, he probably would have been in an alcohol induced coma. "Bella, I'm not trying to upset you. I do need to tell you that...Tyler got a hold of me when you didn't answer at your apartment. Baby, his mother passed away late last night..."

"No. Oh, God..."

"I'm so sorry. You don't deserve any of this. Tyler knows that you are here and safe. He wanted to come but I didn't know what all he knew about you and if it would upset you. Plus, he has his own problems right now..."

"I should go. I need to call him and you look like you need to sleep..."

"You need it just as much as me. Here. Call him from my phone and then we can go rest for a while." A sinking feeling formed in Edward's stomach. "Unless you want to go through with things from before. If you want to go..."

"I don't. I should but I don't. The "could" part is scaring me more than the "should" part. I should want to leave but I couldn't if I tried. I did try," she corrected herself. "I failed miserably."

"I meant what I said earlier, Bella. I love you."

"I know. I don't want to hurt you, though."

He didn't know how they went from one extreme to the other in less than twenty four hours but when her lips met his the world seemed to right itself just enough to make things feel okay. She tasted so good and felt even better against him. Needing to taste more of her skin, he planted kisses down her jawline, coming to the skin exposed at her neckline. A small groan sounded as she shifted a little, causing him to feel her hand on his thigh. "Bella..." he murmured as she pulled away from him.

"In bed," she whispered, looking back towards the bedroom with her big brown eyes.

He carried her again, this time much more gently than earlier and set her on the bed. "I want to be in control tonight. With you, I'm never in control. I want this chance."

As he pulled his shirt off, he gave her time to think and by the time he could see her again, she nodded. The look on her face was a little hesitant, though. He found her lips again, tasting and feeling her until his hands found the hem of her shirt and pulled it up. He undressed her carefully, sliding his pants off only when she was completely naked, spread out on his bed. Grabbing a condom, he came back to and laid on top of her, covering her body with his. Her skin against his was heaven and hell at the same time, bringing relief yet searing his soul. He held her hands above her head, taking them in his own. Her body was pinned under his and he kissed every part of her that he couldn't kiss because her shirt was in the way earlier.

There were a few times when he almost stopped for fear that she was going to start crying but then she'd let out a moan or say his name huskily and he'd continue his assault. When his ear came close to her mouth, she whispered that she needed him and he grabbed the condom. Seconds later, he was inside of her and she had wrapped her legs around his waist. He tried taking it slowly, letting her enjoy it and picked up his pace only after he felt her tighten around him. When he looked into her eyes he saw tears and began to slow down again. "Don't. Stop." she grunted, her teeth clenched together.

So he didn't. Not until about thirty seconds later when her walls held him tightly again and he let himself come. Her arched back and moaning sounds left him no other choice. He pulled out slowly, tucking her under the covers before going into the bathroom to get rid of the condom and clean himself up. By the time he came back, she was sleeping soundly and he pulled her closer to him, kissing her cheek. Less than twelve hours ago he thought she was gone for good. Now, she was in his bed and back in his arms. He knew he would kill to be able to keep her there.

A few hours later, Bella woke up and Edward watched as she stretched lazily and yawned. "Good afternoon, love."

She just smiled at him and then frowned. "Shit! Tyler! Oh my, God. I'm a horrible person..."

"You are not." Reaching over he grabbed his phone and handed it to her. "Here. Call him."

Watching her console her friend over the phone was rather heartbreaking. She had cried as Tyler obviously told her what all had happened leading up to the poor woman's death. She promised she'd be there for the funeral, mentally memorizing the days and times by saying them out loud. She even begged him to take some time off work, which Edward decided he wasn't going to listen to her because Bella had sighed loudly and said something like 'you are so stubborn', only she used more curse words than that.

After she handed him back the phone, he wiped her tears, promising to go with her to the funeral. That afternoon, they stayed in bed, cuddling and dozing in and out of sleep. These were the times when he truly felt she could get through everything she had been subjected to and come out okay. All good things would come to an end, though. Eventually, Emmett called, saying he needed help at the club. He pulled himself away from Bella to take a quick shower and she got redressed to go back home. That apartment gave him the chills and he wished that she would have agreed to accompany him to the club. She wouldn't, though, saying she was going to stop at Tyler's and then take a shower herself before work. He walked her to her car before they said goodbye to each other.

"Where have you been, dude? The bank closes in like two hours!" Emmett said as Edward walked through the doors.

"Relax. I had a bad night..."

"Uh-oh. The stripper?"

"Emmett, don't fucking call her that. I'm serious. That's fucked up and you know it."

"I'm sorry. Really. So, you really like this girl, don't you?"

"I do. A lot. I more than like her, Em."

"She seems really sweet. Does she know about your shit?"

"No. She doesn't."

"Do you plan to tell her?"

"She's having a lot of problems with her own issues. I don't need to dump mine on her as well."

"You should still tell her about Jane."

"I already did. She knows I dated Janie and she knows we broke up. Does the rest really matter?" Edward knew the answer to that even before Emmett gave him 'the look'.

"You went to jail for assaulting her..."

"I didn't do it, Emmett. What is it with you and Pete? I didn't fucking touch her!"

"I'm sorry. I just think that you should tell Bella the truth, ya know, before she finds out on her own. She might not realize that you didn't actually do what you were accused of. You're still aggressive, Edward."

"So, what? I should just come with a fucking disclaimer tattooed across my God damned forehead?"

"See? Anger. You're so damn angry..." Edward could tell by his tone he was just trying to get under his skin. If Edward _hadn't_ been so agitated with his brother, he would have seen the humor in what Emmett was saying.

"Drop it, okay?"

"Whatever. Get our money to the damn bank before we overdraw the account..." Edward just laughed, there was no way in hell that account was anywhere near dipping that low. "I thought that comment would cheer you up. Now go. Oh, and just a warning, Rosalie is thinking about asking Tanya to be in the wedding..."

Annoyance reared its ugly head yet again. "What? Do you know how fucked up that is, man? You dated her!"

"They're family!"

Edward just shook his head. "Em, as long as she's not the Maid of Honor, I couldn't care less. It's not like we don't get along or some shit."

"No but I know she likes you."

"You dated her!" Edward replied again.

"Whatever was between us has long been gone. I wouldn't be pissed. It would be weird but I wouldn't be pissed."

"Nothing will ever happen between the two of us. In fact, I'd be more likely to walk Jane down the aisle than fuck Tanya."

"No, but you'll walk Bella down the aisle _and _fuck her," he jibed.

"Em, do me a favor? Stay out of my love life."

"Ed, do me a favor? Get your ass to the fucking bank!" Edward just laughed as he strode towards the stairs to get the bag of money.

Six hours later, Edward made sure everything was well stocked before kissing Rosalie on the cheek and yelling a goodbye to his big brother. Before he could leave, Rose pulled him back to her. "Are you going to the strip club? Is that where you sneak away to all the damn time?"

"Yes. It is."

"Don't you think that's a little...weird? I mean, your girlfriend is a stripper. It's kind of degrading to watch her dance for other men, don't you think?"

"They aren't allowed to touch her but if other men can see her, why the hell is it so wrong for me? Besides, I want to be there in case some asshole decides he's in a touchy kind of mood. I won't let her get hurt."

"Very chivalrous of you," Rosalie said dryly, rolling her eyes.

"Look, I wouldn't say this to Emmett because he's Emmett. I love her, Rose. Please don't try to cheapen this."

"I'm not. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something, too. I know you're Em's brother but I don't think we're going to have a designated 'best man'. I would want Ally for my Maid of Honor but I highly doubt you want to be paired with your little sister so we decided to..."

"Rose, I get that you're blood but if this is some ploy to get me to pair up with Tanya..."

"Actually, it's not. It's kind of a ploy to pair you with Bella..."

"Bella? What?"

"I mean, she obviously means a lot to you and it seems like you're always together and I don't know that many girls so I thought maybe she could help us out, ya know?"

"Rose, I really don't know if this is a good idea. She's not good with being in front of people."

"Could you just ask her? If she can't afford the dress..."

"She's not poor, Rosalie. Besides, I'd pay for it even if she was. Bella's been through a lot of trauma in her life and I think she has a hard time being around large crowds. She also just found out her friend's mother died so she's already upset."

"Will you at least mention it to her? Please?"

Edward sighed, wishing more than anything that Bella would agree-that he'd get to see her in a pretty dress, escort her on his arm for everyone to see, and dance with her that night. He knew it would be a lot to ask of her, though. Perhaps it would be too much to ask. "I'll ask her when the time is right. That's the best I can promise, okay?"

**I hope you are all enjoying the Edward POV and I would love to hear from you :) I love the reviews I've been getting lately and I promise to respond back if you send me one! Letzigprincess xx **

**PS There's one reviewer whose private messaging is disabled but you've been very, very kind to me throughout each review you've left me. So, thank you for that, you know who you are! It means sooo much! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 14**

**Out of the Blue, Into the Black**

There were very few cars outside of the North Pole when Edward pulled in, immediately bringing him relief. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't there to watch Bella, she was beautiful. He'd also be lying if he said it didn't bother him that this was her job choice. Emmett had been adamant that they end his bachelor party off at a strip club, something they all knew Rosalie would kill them for. Edward, wanting to give his big brother what he wanted and who had a beef with Rosalie over the wedding stress, decided to go for it. Jasper was more than willing to oblige. Of course, his dad had taken some persuasion and Edward suspected his father had even been texting his mother throughout the time they were there. None of the Cullen men were cheaters nor had it been a normal outing for them.

When he walked through the doors of the club, the first person he saw was Bella. She was standing by the bar talking with James in what seemed to be a serious manner. The guy creeped him out but Bella seemed at ease with the big blonde. For as jumpy as Bella was with men, her choice of making friends with James and Tyler confused the hell out of him. He thought she'd be more the type to work somewhere with only women. _Abused. Bella was abused. _He fought the notion that was itching to be acknowledged and found his typical table.

Jessica Stanley came over before he even had a cigarette out and set a beer in front of him. She was a nice girl but she was also rumored to have slept with half of his high school buddies. He didn't know if he could be with a woman who had been with a lot of men before him. Tonight, Jess wore a tiny mini-dress with the sides cut out. Not much was left to the imagination. Ignoring her little shake-and-shimmy, he looked past her to take inventory on Bella's outfit. The tight red skirt and white blouse that was tied up at her breasts didn't make him too happy; not with the old man sitting two feet from her and gawking at her tits.

Jess must have gotten tired of her seductive dance because she took his card to open a tab for him and walked away. Looking back at Bella, he saw that she was now gazing at him and his heart sped up. He didn't want to bother her here and forced his ass to stay on his stool. When she had the time and was ready, she'd come to him. There would be an excruciating three hours or so that they would go through this where she would visit, then she'd work, then he'd wait and then they'd repeat it. By the end of the night, he'd be strung so tight that he'd nearly come in his seat while watching her on stage.

"Hey," she said shyly, as always when she'd approach him here.

Tonight, instead of just answering calmly back, he let his fingers brush over her hand. She swallowed hard and he could tell she was breathing a little heavier than normal. "I don't know how you're still on your feet. You must be exhausted."

"I'm okay. I'm used to not getting much sleep." Neither said anything for a while before Bella looked towards the bar. "James said we're going to close on Sundays now. There aren't enough people that come in."

Edward watched her turn back to him. She wanted to see his reaction. Suddenly, he felt nervous and reached for his cigarette, wanting to buy time. Instead of saying what he truly felt, he blew out a cloud of smoke and smirked. "Looks like I'll have to find another club to bide my time in on Sunday nights..."

Bella looked briefly hurt and then hit him playfully on the arm. "We can still have sex..."

Edward tried his damnedest not to frown. This wasn't the first time she made their relationship seem purely sexual. After the night before, he was slightly offended by her comment. "Don't do that, Bells."

"What?"

"Don't fucking act like you are only worthy of fucking. If I recall, we've had a few nights now when it wasn't about banging the hell out of each other and we both seemed to enjoy it."

She frowned but didn't say anything. To his utter shock, she just kissed his cheek quickly and walked away. Still stunned, he heard his phone vibrating in his pocket. Assuming it was Emmett, he ignored it and continued to slowly nurse his beer, reveling in the tingle left from Bella's kiss. By the fifth set of vibrations, he was starting to get annoyed but also starting to worry. When he saw that the number was actually his mother's cell, he panicked.

The music would be too loud to hear her over the phone so he grabbed his cigarette and trudged outside. It was just starting to ring again with another incoming call from Esme when he answered. "Mom?"

"Edward, where are you? Are you at...with Bella?"

He sighed but her fearful tone clearly registered in his mind. "Yes. I am. What's wrong? You sound upset..."

"Alice is in the hospital. You need to come."

"Is the baby coming?"

"Edward, I need you to stay calm, okay? There was a car accident..."

"No..."

"...and she's unconscious right now but the baby's vitals are good. I need you to calmly drive here..."

If Alice was going to be okay, he wouldn't need to go there immediately and his mother's voice wouldn't be shaking and strained. He didn't hear anything she said after that, just asked which hospital. From the sound of it, she'd already told him but he hadn't paid any attention. The world was getting small and he was having trouble breathing. His little sister had gotten him through the worst time of his life; she'd had his back when even his parents had sided against him. As soon as the hospital name was out of her mouth, Edward hung up and stumbled back inside. His legs weren't working right.

"Are you okay?" Jess asked. She had been standing by the door talking to Lauren when he'd come in. He watched as Bella turned quickly to see what Jess was talking about and strode over when her eyes fell on him.

"Edward?" Bella asked sounding scared.

"Al...Alice...There was a car accident," he managed to blurt out as his hand ran through his hair.

"Oh my, God! Is she okay? Is the baby okay? What happened?"

"I...I have to go to the hospital. Mom...mom called me."

"Alright. Okay." Bella ran a hand through her own hair and took a deep breath. "You shouldn't drive. You look like you're going to pass out..."

"Is everything okay over here?" James asked, walking towards the commotion.

Without even an apology, Bella put her body between his and Edwards as if protecting Edward from some unseen danger. "I need to leave. I'll see you tomorrow."

Edward watched James stunned expression and figured his was probably mirroring that. Bella never skipped work, unless it was necessary and while he hadn't been around long enough, James's shock confirmed it. "Go. If you need tomorrow, take it." James surprised him this time by giving Bella a quick hug.

Bella was barely paying attention to her boss, though. Taking Edward by the hand, she pulled him out the door and towards her car. "We can take mine. Really. I'm okay."

They both knew it was a lie and she didn't listen to him anyway. "Get in the car."

When he was in, she made him buckle his seat belt before she'd even back out of the space. "Bella, get to the hospital."

She flinched as he snapped at her but pulled out only when the click sounded. Then, they were off. The hospital they were headed to was about fifteen minutes away and they got there in seven. Even Edward, who was used to driving a sports car, held onto the door handle like a little girl. He wondered if she even had a legitimate license being that she seemed to want to hide her whereabouts. That thought flew out of his mind as they came to a screeching halt outside of the emergency room doors. He didn't know what he should expect inside but knew he would have to go it alone. Bella's fear of doctors made him a little surprised that she even drove him voluntarily to a hospital. He opened the door but turned back to her and saw her wide-eyed expression. Kissing her quickly on the cheek, he said a quick 'thank you, I love you' and headed into the sterile building.

His mother had sent a text to him so that he'd know which floor and room she was in but he never made it to the room. His whole family was in a small waiting room looking like the world had just ended. He realized that if his sister passed away, it was likely that their world would end. Trying to pull in his anger, knowing damn well it wasn't his families fault, he made a fist and cleared his throat. "What the fuck happened?"

His mom immediately strode over, taking him by the arm and leading him out of the room. "A pickup t-boned her car. It was at a light in downtown..."

"Who was the other driver?" he demanded, feeling dizzy with anger.

"Edward, please. Just calm down..."

"How's Ally? It's too soon for the baby, right? Isn't it too soon?" He didn't recognize his own voice.

At this point, his mom broke her resolve and he saw the fear that he had heard over the phone. "She's slipped into a coma. There was head trauma and they're thinking of taking the baby. It's early but he seems strong...he'll have to be in an incubator for a while but..."

"Is she going to wake up?" He was pleading, begging his mother to give him the news he wanted to hear.

"We don't know. If she does, there will likely be some brain damage but we don't know how much..."

"This is bullshit!" He wasn't angry with her, he was just simply angry.

He hadn't realized Emmett had snuck into the hallway until he spoke. "Eddie, come on..."

"Come on and what, Em? What? Calm down? My sister may not live to see her child but I'm supposed to calm the fuck down?"

Esme turned from him and he immediately regretted his words. "Mom..."

She just held a hand up. "I need to go back in and make sure Jasper's okay. Edward, I'm telling you, you do need to calm down."

With that warning, she kissed his cheek and let the brothers alone. Edward turned back to Emmett. "Was Jasper with her?"

"No. He saw the whole thing, though. He was in a car behind her. They were dropping off her car at mom and dad's. He's the one who called 911."

"Fuck," Edward said, rubbing his hands through his hair and down over his face.

"I know. He's not talking to anyone. He's a fucking wreck. Why don't you go talk to Rose? I have to run down to my car and grab my phone in case someone from the club needs to get a hold of me."

Edward just nodded and prepared himself to go back into the depressing as shit waiting room. When he built up the courage, he went back in to find his mom holding Jasper around the shoulders, trying to get him to at least say something. His dad, who was typically so calm, was pacing like a caged mountain lion. Rosalie was by herself and Edward had never seen her so pale before. He needed to walk over and offer her some words of comfort but he just couldn't do it. Feeling like an absolute failure, he turned right back around and walked out. He needed a cigarette and he needed to calm himself down.

He let his head fall back so it was resting against the elevator wall and when the doors opened, he thought of how he had found Bella. Feeling like a total asshole for leaving her outside, he went to call her apartment when he saw something surprising through the sliding glass door. Just around the corner, he caught a glimpse of Bella. Much like his father upstairs, she was pacing the sidewalk only she was still in her skimpy outfit and seemed distressed. It wasn't until he stepped through the doors that he fought the urge to go to her, stopping himself in his tracks. Emmett's voice could be heard even though he could only see Bella. It was clear that his big brother scared her but he seemed to be trying to calm her down. Edward just listened.

"...understand. I can't. I mean I should. I want to. I feel like I need to but I just can't. I can't."

Edward recognized this voice. This was the terrified Bella that made his heart break into a million pieces every time she gave up on herself. When he heard Emmett talk again, this time he was able to hear what was actually said, he was surprised by the gentleness in his brother's voice. "Bella, if you're this scared, he'll understand..."

"I'm a horrible person. Do you know how much he's done for me, Emmett? I mean, there's no reason for him to do anything but he's done it all! I need to be there for him now and I'm stuck outside of this damn hospital like some fucking four year old who's afraid of doctors! Now, I'm keeping you out here and you should be in there..."

"I have a phone now. They'll call if anything changes but until then..."

"You're going to stand out here and try to calm me down? God, what's wrong with me? I need to be in there."

"Then go in."

"I can't!" Edward could tell she was growing more and more frustrated. He had to hand it to Emmett for trying to at least calm her down, though.

"You really are fucked up, aren't you?" Emmett asked, sounding as if he was amused with her. Edward was back to wanting to punch him in the face. His big brother never disappointed.

"You have no idea, Cullen."

"Well, we could go in together...or I can just get Edward. Really, I think he'd want to know you're out here."

"I'm not bugging him, Emmett. Really. Just go back inside and I'll be here when he comes out."

"Why don't you just try to come in with me?"

Edward wanted to step forward, he wanted to take her hand and help her overcome her fear. While he understood something happened to make her afraid of men and doctors, it wasn't like any of the doctors would recognize her here...and there was no way in hell he'd let any man near enough to hurt her. She had to know that. He couldn't, though. Something told him that if she was going to do this, she was stubborn enough to need to do this without his help. So, the next moment made him nearly fall over.

In the strongest voice he'd ever heard from her, she said, "Fine. If I freak out, just keep going. I might not be able to make it up to wherever it is they have her room but..."

"Hey, calm down. I'm not going to walk away from you. Here, take my hand and we'll do this together. Eddie's really upset. Alice had always been there for him. I haven't seen my brother this pissed off in a long time. Just try and if you can't, I'll walk you back down to your car and we'll call him, okay?"

Edward heard her heels tapping the sidewalk again and quickly stepped back through the doors and went for the stairwell. The last thing he heard was Bella making a comment about what she was wearing. Edward let his legs carry him two steps at a time, thinking that if Bella was willing to face this fear for him, he'd make sure no one even hinted that her attire was inappropriate. While his heart was heavy because of Alice, it was still pounding because of Bella. Who would have thought that his big, intimidating brother would be the one to help her through one of her biggest fears? Never had he felt more proud of her.

While he didn't want them to know he had been downstairs, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep himself from standing as close to the elevator on Alice's floor as possible. When it slid open he watched as Emmett stepped out first and then waited patiently, holding the door open for Bella. When she didn't come out, Edward debated on whether or not to go over but forced himself to stand his ground. The sound of her heels hitting the tile by Emmett's feet gave him hope.

The second she saw him, she did a little gallop/run down the hall and he opened his arms to her. "You didn't need to do this. I know you don't like it in here."

She didn't say anything, just kept her head tucked into his chest. "Emmett told me what happened. Is there any news yet?"

"No. Do you want to wait with me?"

She nodded, clutching his hand tightly now as he led her into the room. He felt her pull away long enough to look back at Emmett and mouth a silent 'thank you'. Of course, his mom's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the short skirt but Bella had at least thought to untie the shirt and pull it down so it was a full button-up blouse. Rosalie looked Bella up and down as well with one eyebrow raised, but said nothing. Esme turned her gaze back to her son and immediately relaxed when she saw Edward. _I must have looked really fucking pissed earlier. _

"Bella, thank you for coming," she said politely. "Edward here could really use the support."

He felt Bella tighten her grip around his waist. They made small talk for a few minutes and when a man in scrubs came in, Edward quickly led Bella to the far corner of the room and sat down, pulling her into his lap. The room was small enough that he could hear everything the man said as he explained that they were going to take the baby within the next half hour. Bella heard it to and tightened her grip on him, he was pretty sure it wasn't out of fear of the doctor. It was meant to be reassuring to him and it was.

While they prepped Alice for surgery, they let first his mother and then Jasper in to see her. It seemed with this horrific nightmare came the message that they needed to butt out of Jasper and Alice's relationship. They should have been counting their blessings all along, not arguing. When his mom stepped into the corner across from them to call Pete and Liz and ask them to come, Edward asked to speak to them when she was finished. He didn't want Bella sitting around in the clothes she had on as it was freezing outside and even the room was cold. He didn't need her getting sick on top of everything else. Liz promised they'd stop and pick her up some of his clothes to wear.

Once they arrived, Liz seemed to be in complete shock that Bella had braved the hospital and was actually sitting calmly in Edward's lap, flipping through a magazine that neither of them were really interested in. About an hour after he got Bella dressed comfortably, though she still wore the heels since he didn't have anything that would fit her feet, the doctor came back. The baby was in NICU but both he and Alice had gotten through things without any complications. When the doctor asked who the father of the baby was, Jasper didn't even flinch. Stepping forward, he spoke with a heart-wrenching tone. "I'm as close as you're going to get. Can I see them?"

"You may see the baby shortly. Do you know the name you planned to call him?"

"Yes."

"Come with us. We have some papers to fill out. You can see him as soon as we're done."

The next forty-eight hours turned into a game of waiting. They had all gotten to look through the glass at the tiny baby boy fighting to live without his mother. Thomas Edward Cullen had to have been the tiniest baby Edward had ever seen in his life. He had fallen in love with Thomas the moment he'd seen him and when Jasper told them what Alice had chosen to name him, he would be lying if he said he didn't choke up a little. Jasper had just shrugged, saying that if Alice wanted to change it when she woke up she could but he knew she wouldn't. Her heart had been set on that name months ago. Jasper looked at him the entire time he relayed this message.

It was much harder to visit Alice than it was to visit her new son. Only two people were allowed in the room at a time so it went Jasper and his mom, his mom and his dad, Emmett and Rosalie, and then him and Bella. No one wanted to rush the two people in front of them and Edward absolutely dreaded his turn. He hadn't broken his contact with Bella since she had walked down that hallway towards him. It was like she kept him tethered to the ground.

So, for two days, they waited and waited. The baby was doing well and Alice still had not woken up. Wednesday afternoon was the funeral for Tyler's mom and Edward decided to accompany Bella. It was the first time he left the hospital since he arrived the night of the accident and they were both in need of a shower and fresh clothes. He drove Bella to her apartment to get her clothes and then they went back to his place to shower. It was the first time they actually took time to shower together and it was what he needed to calm down.

"I'm sure your parents love that I'm on your lap constantly," Bella said in a hushed tone as she leaned her heard against his bare, wet chest.

"They'll get over it. Mom's just happy that I calmed down. You have no idea what it means to me that you stayed with me and came in to the hospital. I really do love you, Bella."

It wasn't lost on him that she hadn't admitted the same thing to him coherently yet. Today, here in the shower, would not be the day for it to happen. He wondered if it would ever happen. Kissing her forehead, he reached back to turn the water off and then wrapped her in a towel. "We're going to miss the viewing this evening if we don't get moving. What do you say we just come back here after? They're burying her tomorrow morning and then we can stop back at the hospital in the afternoon."

"You don't want to go back to the hospital tonight?"

"No. I know it still makes you nervous to be there and there really isn't much we can do there anyway. Mom or Jasper will call us the second something changes and we could really use a good night's sleep."

As they drove to the funeral home, he wondered how she was going to handle it. Her nerves were almost completely shot already and she had barely slept in the past few days. Emmett and Rosalie had left the hospital first, then his dad, then the two of them. It had been harder than he expected to walk out the door but he just kept praying that he'd receive a call that Alice was awake and fine so that their lives could go back to normal. The nineteen year old Alice having a baby was officially not an issue. Both the baby and Alice's survival was the only thing the Cullen family was praying for. While he prayed for them, he gave thanks for Bella. She had overcome her fears for him. If he hadn't loved her before, he sure as hell loved her more than life itself now.

**Despite the difficult news about Alice, at least it pushed Bella to face her fears. I'm a little disappointed in the lack of reviews this story is receiving but I will continue on for those of you lovelies out there who always leave me some kind words! Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor and am not an expert in the medical field. I also know that Jasper naming the baby is probably not typical protocol but this is a work of fiction so please just read it for what it is. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you'll see progress being made more and more over the next few. Lots of love, Letzigprincess **


	15. Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 15**

**In Too Deep**

Edward held Bella closely to him as they entered the funeral home. She seemed to be on pins and needles and he hoped his closeness would help her cope like it helped him. There was no doubt in his mind that she was making progress but there were more questions than anything. _If she's so afraid of men, why work in a strip club? What happened with her and a doctor that upset her so badly? Why is it that she has trouble being in the room with the new baby? _There was so much he wanted to know and just as much that she didn't want to share with him.

The funeral home was older and he wondered how many bodies had come through the doors. The rickety old front door opened to reveal a large group of people and Edward let Bella go when she pulled away, walking quickly over to Tyler. She hugged him hard and he kissed her cheek. Edward looked away. James came up to him then, patting him on the shoulder. "Can we talk?"

Edward nodded nervously, feeling like he was meeting her father. They stepped onto the porch outside after he made sure she was okay with Tyler and some of the other girls from the strip club. "Is everything okay, Edward? She's not in trouble or anything, right? It's just that she never misses work and..."

"Actually, it's not her. My sister was in a car accident, she's in intensive care...and she was pregnant...so..."

"Jesus, man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you were the trouble in question. I just wanted to make sure she was taken care of. If she needs anything, you come to me. Got it?"

"What kind of anything?" Edward asked in a hushed tone as mourners whispered and sniffled around them. It felt as though someone had taken a remote and turned down the volume.

James cracked his knuckles and grinned, making it quite clear that if someone messed with Bella, it would be the last thing that someone did. Edward grinned back, feeling the exact same way. If he didn't have something in the back of his mind telling him that James wanted to tap the man Bella was currently trying to consul, he may have felt a little more territorial of Bella. James just seemed to be the strong daddy figure that Bella needed and being a father to her was not something he wanted to think of being himself. Sure, he'd fight to protect her until the day he died if she'd let him but there were things they'd done that no father/daughter relationship should ever even consider. James was a good guy.

Neither man said anything. When James knew his point had been gotten, he straightened his tie and turned to walk away. Almost as an afterthought, he turned back to Edward. "I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I'll keep your family in my prayers. Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah. He's in the NICU."

James just nodded and continued on his way. Edward watched him go, shaking his head at the complexity of the man named James. He was big enough to be a body builder, owned a strip club, was quietly gay, felt fatherly towards Bella to the point that he'd go all mob boss on someone who might try to hurt her, and prayed. There were more levels to this guy than a video game.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see that Bella had approached him. "I um...I need air."

He followed her out to the front of the small funeral home and sat down on the old, wooden steps. "Did you know her well?"

"She cooked dinner for me sometimes. I think she was excited when Tyler first brought me home. She doesn't approve of his...lifestyle. It's a shame; she was warming up to it just before she passed."

His phone started to vibrate and Bella sat up quickly when he pulled it out to see who it was. She leaned in to read the text with him when he said it was from his mom. Apparently, Alice was showing some kind of activity but they were worried about his nephew. Bella caught his hand before he even realized he was about to run it through his hair. "We should be with them, Edward. They're still alive."

"So is Tyler and he needs you here." His phone buzzed again and he checked to see who it was. This time it was Liz asking if Bella wanted to grab some coffee. Edward showed Bella the text and she just shrugged, searching his face as if it held the response she should give. "When's the viewing over?"

"In about forty minutes."

"Are you okay to stay here? By yourself? I know what I said about going back to the apartment but I just want to stop by for a little while longer."

"Yeah, that's fine," she said, taking a deep breath that made him wonder if she was lying.

"I'll have Aunt Liz pick you up here. I'm going to head back to the hospital and let you have your privacy."

"Thanks. Call Liz if something changes with Alice or the baby. I'll be there, okay?" Leaning over, he kissed her lips quickly and then motioned Bella towards James. He felt the uncanny need to get the hospital as soon as possible.

As Esme had said before, nothing was really different but they were a little better. Little Thomas wasn't fairing any better when he arrived. His mom hugged him when he walked into Alice's room and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Where's Bella?"

"At a funeral. I asked Aunt Liz to pick her up."

"So, what's the story?"

"What story?" Edward asked, looking past her to see his little sister's still body.

"Come on, Edward. First this shit with Jane and now this?" Edward tried not to smirk. His mom was the sweetest little thing when she wanted to be but when it was time for her to protect what was hers, she was one of the most dangerous people he knew.

"I love Bella. Jane was a mistake. We weren't good for each other."

"I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Thanks for the concern. I'm going down to see Tommy. Text me if something changes with Alice."

She didn't say anything but she did watch him walk away. It took him more strength than he would have thought to not slam the double doors at the end of the hallway.

Sitting in a chair beside the little incubator, Edward watched as his nephew's tiny chest rose and fell due to the work of the machines. It had become hypnotic and he had trouble keeping his eyes from shutting slightly. The whoosh sound of the doors sliding open brought him back to reality but he knew before turning towards the noise who it was. "I brought you some coffee. I know you don't drink it that much but..."

Edward just pulled her down into his lap, surprised to see Liz standing behind her. Liz was watching them with great interest and he kind of felt like a caged animal being observed. "I'm going to go check on Ally. Bella, are you sure you're okay?"

He felt Bella's grip tighten on him and then she nodded. Liz seemed appeased by that and left. "What does she mean? Did something happen?"

"No. Don't worry about it. How are things here?"

"Good I guess. Jasper still isn't really talking."

They both got quiet again, both of them looking down in adoration at the small baby in front of them. "He's rather beautiful," Bella said after a while, smiling at Edward.

"Well, he is my nephew..." Edward responded playfully.

Bella just rolled her eyes and stood as if wanting to get a closer look. Edward watched the way her face showed nothing but love towards the tiny bundle. The idea of her holding his own baby ran through his mind before Bella's voice pulled him back to reality. "I need you to do me a favor."

"What's up?"

"I have some things that I...that I need to do for myself. I need you to let me."

"Are you leaving?" Fear ran cold through his veins.

"No. Not now. I just...I want to move out of my apartment..."

"You can move in with me."

"No," she said quietly, her gaze back on the baby. "I'm doing this by myself, remember?"

"What made you want to move?" he asked her after a few minutes.

"It's not safe."

"It was never safe, Bells."

He watched as she shrugged and realized that she was acting a little strange. Well, stranger than normal for Bella. Instead of her fiercely independent self or her scared self, she just seemed sad. "How's Alice?"

He sighed and sat back in his chair. "They're hoping that she'll wake up soon but she's going to be out of it for a while."

The baby began to whimper and Bella looked down at him, a smile playing at her lips before returning to her hopeless frown. There was a look on her face that made him wonder if maybe she had been a mother, or if there was still a child out there somewhere in the world that belonged to her. He debated about asking her and when he decided to just come out with it, he wrote it off as exhaustion. "You don't have to answer but...have you been...pregnant...before?"

"No, I..." she stopped herself abruptly and Edward knew she was keeping something from him. The no had come out too spontaneously to be a lie but there was something she wasn't saying concerning babies. "I um, maybe we should go up and see Alice. I think I'm going to go into work..."

"We can go back to my place now. I meant what I said about relaxing. I know it was silly of me to want to come back but I just felt...I don't know."

He took her by the arm and led her into the hallway and towards Alice. "You're close to her."

"Alice? Very."

"You just seem...closer...than other siblings that I know," she shrugged.

"We are. I've had a really rough year and I don't know that I could have managed without her. Obviously, this year hasn't been the best for her, either."

Memories of being arrested came to mind and he tightened his hold on Bella's hand. He truly hoped Jane was happy with her life and was pretty damn glad that he wasn't a part of that happiness anymore. They'd fought so much, he wondered if he was ever that happy with her or if it was more of a convenient arrangement to get sex. _That's what this was supposed to be with Bella. Even when that was all it was I cared for her more than Jane._

When they entered the room, Jasper's hushed voice was all they heard. Edward raised an eyebrow questioningly and his mom came over to them. "The nurse said that talking to her might bring her out of it. Jasper went from mute to not being able to shut up."

Edward smiled as his father walked over and patted his back, he felt Bella tense beside him. "I need some favors. You up to it?"

Edward tried to keep a straight face; his mom was now in the hallway talking to Liz but he worried she would hear them. Owning a night club in the inner city exposed you to all sorts of shit that could get people into a lot of trouble. There was no doubt that his father had stayed away from the prostitution rings but he knew the family wealth wasn't exactly built on legal club happenings. Esme would have divorced him twice and killed him three times over if she thought he was running girls but he suspected his father kept her in the dark about the drugs.

"Dad..."

"I just need you to drop a package off for me at the Hale's."

Edward just shook his head, disappointment in his father heavy in his stomach. Emmett was going to pissed. "I have Bella," he muttered back, knowing full well she was listening.

"She can stay here with us."

"No," Bella said quickly. "I have...things...to do."

To his surprise, Bella walked over to Alice's bed and touched her hand gently before patting Jasper's back. She uttered something to him, probably something encouraging, and then turned to face him. She didn't say anything and he didn't try to stop her from leaving. After everything he'd done, he couldn't believe his father had played this card. Bella didn't need to be tested this way. She'd already overcome one of her biggest fears to be with him here.

As soon as Bella was out of ear shot, Edward turned back towards Carlisle, his fist clenched. "Leave her the fuck out of this."

"You brought her into it. Look, I can't leave your sister. Take the package and make sure it gets to Rose's dad before tonight. You can go back to Bella after."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You like Bella. Why?"

"How do you know I give a shit about your girl?"

"You haven't once called her a whore, a bitch, or even hinted at teasing her about her job. Janie was labeled as a gold digger before you'd even met her and given worse names after you did."

Carlisle just raised an eyebrow and replied dryly, "I must be fucking psychic. I like your new friend because she seems to be pulling your ass out of whatever you were going through before. Believe it or not, I fucking worry about you. I love you. All of you. You know that. Janie was a bitch and a gold digging whore who made you miserable. Bella seems to be scared of her own shadow. Whatever she's been through, it's enough for me to want to help her."

"Bringing her with me to run...to drop off packages...that's how you're helping her?"

"No. I knew you wouldn't take her and I really do need this done. Get it done and I'll make sure things stay smooth between your mother and Bella."

Edward scoffed, giving his father a genuine smile. "Two things. One, I think she's already growing on mom. Two, even if I didn't do this, you'd still make sure to keep things settled between them."

Carlisle pulled him in for a hug. "I'm getting out of this. I swear to you."

"Yeah. Where's this damn package?"

Esme approached them just as Carlisle gave his instructions, glancing over at Alice before making eye contact with Edward. "Liz took Bella home. I want to see my grandson. The nurse said we might be able to hold him soon. Go home and rest and when Tommy's able to be played with, I'll call." Edward kissed her cheek and looked over at his dad, nodding a goodbye.

Edward was on his third cigarette before he pulled up in front of his dad's club. It wasn't much bigger than Emmett's but it had nicer shit. He figured he should probably get some work done and once the package was in his possession, he floored it over to the Hale residence and left it with his future sister-in-law's father. If it wasn't for the fact that they couldn't keep their hands off each other, Edward would have wondered if the marriage was some sort of business agreement.

The horny couple was at the bar when he walked into Twilight Moon and poured himself a glass of whiskey. "Easy, Edward..."

"Alice is fucking fighting for her life in some hospital bed and you want me to take it easy? Fuck you, Em."

"Again with the anger. I'm serious, calm the hell down. What has you so upset? Fighting with Bella?"

"No. Although I'm pretty fucking sure she's pissed at me. Dad asked me to make a delivery to Rose's dad in front of her."

"That mother..."

"Em, baby, I think you both need to relax."

"Rose," Edward said after downing the glass of amber liquid, "we're tired of this shit. I refuse to pay for the sins of my father and Bella doesn't deserve anything bad to happen to her because of me. With all due respect to you and your family, I want her kept out of this. All of this. Her being in the wedding isn't a good idea."

Emmett cleared his throat, leaning back against the bar and crossing his arms. "We're still a family, Edward. Dad can make these stupid decisions but that doesn't mean we have to go along with it anymore. It's done, Eddie. Don't let him talk you into this shit."

"I typically don't but seeing Ally in that bed..."

"Fucked with your head? Why do you think I can't visit her for longer than ten minutes at time?"

"I'm locking myself in my office and I don't want bothered unless it's about Alice, Tommy, or Bella. Got it?"

Firing up his computer, Edward leaned back in his desk chair and tried to clear his head. The alcohol had done nothing to numb his pain, though it rarely did. Pushing off the chair, he went over to the thumb-tacked wall and ripped the picture that held Janie from it. Bella was the only one he wanted and as he threw Janie's picture into the garbage he lit a cigarette, trying desperately to calm down. He was angry and there was no reason to be. It wasn't until words like victim, abuse, and rape popped into his head that he started to realize he had every fucking reason to be angry.

Of course he kept secrets from her but they involved drugs and the fact that his ex had him arrested for supposedly assaulting her. Janie had lied and Bella didn't deserve to get caught up in his father's filth. He was doing it to protect her...to protect them. Bella needed to know the whole story about him and Janie. Soon. The drugs, though, he'd turn his own father in before letting her get caught with her hands dirty.

He thought about the past year. He thought of jail time, screaming matches, his little sister, and everything else that seemed to be going to hell. The only thing he wanted was to take Bella and leave. They could take off for a small island somewhere, somewhere warm where she wouldn't need to hide. Somewhere away from all of this bullshit. His hand ghosted over to the computer mouse and he wiggled it, the screen coming to life. He ached to continue on with his search into Bella's past but couldn't bring himself to do it. He sat there for twenty minutes staring at the computer's little internet icon. _Trust. She needs to trust you._

With a sigh, he dabbed out his cigarette and pushed back again from the desk. He felt wound up and needed to work off energy. Getting Bella into bed was exactly what he needed to relax, though he knew he'd never push her for it. The idea of making her do something she didn't want to do brought those three sickening words to his mind again. Instantly, he went soft and the idea of sex flew out the damn window. He needed to get out of the tiny room and he knew exactly where he needed to be. The North Pole.

There were actually a good bit of cars parked outside the club when he pulled in and noticed Bella's car was not one of them. Going inside, he nodded to the man working the door and headed towards James who was by the bar. "She's off tonight," he said in greeting.

"Did she tell you why?" Edward asked, deeply concerned.

"She hasn't been in for a while...since that night she left in a hurry with you."

"Alright, thanks."

Taking off back out of the club, he pulled out his phone and called her apartment. When there was no answer, anxiety began to build more and more. Her money was still at his place, she had no phone, and now he had no idea where she was at nine-thirty at night. He got to her apartment and went to slam his fist on the door before he realized that doing so would scare the shit out of her if she was in there. He knocked gently before putting his ear to the door and listening for movement. There was no light coming from under the door and when he pulled his phone out and called the phone inside, it rang and rang.

Feeling defeated, he walked out and leaned against his car, trying to figure out where the hell she might be. When he finally noticed her car was parked three vehicles away, he cursed, feeling like a fucking idiot for not noticing before and for the fact that he had no idea where she could possibly be. If she had left for good, he didn't know what he'd do. Feeling like a stalker for lurking outside of her apartment, he got behind the wheel of his own car and went home, cursing under his breath the whole way there.

**I wish you all could have heard my little girl squeal when I saw how many reviews were sent my way for the last chapter! If I felt defeated before, I feel excited and motivated now! Please help me keep that feeling and review this chapter just as you did the last chapter. It means so much to an author to know that their story is supported by a nice-sized fan base. Every review is the payment we receive for all of the time and energy put into these stories. Lots of love, Letzigprincess xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**~PLEASE read the author's note!**

**Chapter 16**

**The Ability To Go Home**

Bella POV

Bella closed her eyes, leaning her head back into the comfortable headrest that belonged to Elizabeth Masen's expensive car. While she had every intention of going home and hiding behind her closed door, Liz had talked her into going for dinner. The woman was like a fucking pied piper whose voice was like the music that would lead you to your death. Just a few nights ago, before shit really hit the fan with Alice, she had spilled her secret to Edward's aunt, a secret that not one other soul knew about.

She expected Liz to freak out, to insist she go to the hospital, to insist that they call the police. She did none of these things. She stayed calm and pulled Bella close to her. This woman was good. Bella had sworn her to secrecy and when she mentioned talking things through with Edward, Bella had been the one to freak out. He could never know what had happened to her.

It started out as a hushed conversation about things that she enjoyed, like swimming, but soon it turned to darker topics. Bella told her of how she'd met the men that ended her life as she knew it, how she'd met Edward, and she even tried desperately to explain the relationship she'd built with Liz's nephew. That was nothing if not awkward. Bella wondered how the hell Pete turned out to be the psychiatrist when Liz could get anyone to unleash their secrets no matter how that person tried to hide them.

"Bella, have you looked through those pamphlets I gave you?"

"No... Not really. I've been with Edward and then again with you so..."

"Well, when you do, if you need to talk about anything you know you can call me."

"I know."

"Bella, I've told you before and I'll tell you again. You're allowed to be afraid that they'll find you again but these men are using women like it's a business for them. If one girl goes missing, they don't keep looking for three years. I'm sure your parents would love to see you..."

"Liz. Stop. I appreciate this. I really do...but I can't go back there. That life is over."

"What about this one? Don't try to tell me you and Edward are okay because something is up with you and I know is that it has to do with him."

Bella wondered if Carlisle's in-laws were aware of his 'package deliveries'. She wasn't stupid. He didn't need Edward to deliver some damn extra cheese pizza. She wouldn't give away something that wasn't her business like that but she did wish there was someone to talk to about it...other than Edward. Men with money like his father, and people who she was sure his father associated with, were exactly the type of men who ruined her. Seeing that tiny baby in the hospital had been like a punch to the gut when it came as a reminder of just how much those men had cost her.

Instead of expressing any of this, she spoke the pathetic truth. "I'm falling in love with him."

"Then why do you sound like you want to cry?" Liz asked lightly.

Bella couldn't answer that question-at least not out loud. She knew exactly what the reasons were but there was no way she was sharing all of this with Liz. There was too much. She couldn't have a normal life. There were her emotional problems, surely her job wasn't something that strengthened a marriage and she would never be able to give him a baby. She really was ruined. Then, of course, there was something he was keeping from her and she didn't know how bad it was. _It wouldn't matter and you know that. He could have murdered someone and you'd be unable to walk away from him. _

"It's just not a good idea."

"Bella, how are you able to be with him...romantically? You said you were but..."

Bella cringed, trying to see past the fact that this was his aunt. The subject had been discussed slightly when the truth had come out. Rambling was never a good thing for her internal filter. "I try to stay in control. He's very...I'm not afraid of him."

"You trust him."

"Yeah."

"You do know that you can get help from the agencies who deal with this kind of thing? I mean you could apply for help with housing and..."

"No. It's over. That part of my life is over. I can't dwell on the past."

"Alright, but, if you change your mind, there are a lot of numbers for those places in the pamphlets I gave you. As for Edward, I'm just glad you aren't letting what happened with Jane stop you from seeing who he is. He's a good person and we all now do truly believe that he wasn't guilty of what she said. Edward would never have hurt her that way...but you already know that."

Bella sat up straighter in her seat. This was something. Edward had been accused of something bad...something Liz said he had done to Jane. After pushing away the sick feeling she had in her stomach, she realized they were only a block away from her apartment. Liz raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure you want to be left here alone?"

"Yeah, it's fine," she said absently, her mind was now reeling.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow at lunchtime."

"Thanks..."

Walking in auto pilot up to her apartment, Bella could have been followed by men in clown suits and she wouldn't have noticed. He'd done something that he shouldn't have to a woman, or at least his family had believed so. That's what Liz had implied. The Cullen family thought Edward had hurt a woman. Questions swam in her mind and when her phone began to ring, she about jumped out of her skin. With her heart racing, she answered the phone breathlessly.

"Bella? Jesus, where the hell have you been? I went to the club and they said you weren't coming in and I stopped by your apartment and you weren't there...I've been so worried. Are you okay? You sound funny. What's wrong?"

Bella swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. _Should I bring up the drugs? The Jane situation? Should I just ask about Alice and Tommy? _They were definitely in too deep with each other. She knew too much about him. She'd let herself get attached to someone, something she had never done to this extent before. It was too late to stop things now. She had to know and if he had done something that she couldn't forgive him for, she didn't know if she'd make it through that. Her love for him was all she could see for her future but there might be too much past to try to clear up with him...baggage that belonged to both of them.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Edward asked again, his voice sounding frantic.

"I need you..."

"I'm on my way. Stay there and keep your door locked. I'm just putting my shoes on now, I'm at my apartment."

Bella just hung the phone back up without saying goodbye. Tears came to her eyes as she thought of how the night might end. She had not expected for her mouth to think solely with her heart by asking him to come. Her mind had been her guide for so long. She had to know the truth, though. Wondering what would happen after knowing is what terrified her. _You'll never walk away from him. You can't fucking do it or else you would have been gone weeks ago. _

Pulling down her sad excuse for a bed, she sat down on it and put her head in her hands. She had no idea how it had come to this, how she could love someone so strongly that she'd put them first. This had been exactly what she'd been trying to avoid. Putting herself first was the only way she knew how to survive. Panic was starting to set in again and she hugged herself, trying desperately to calm down.

Having no idea how long she'd been sitting there, she heard heavy knocks on the door and jumped up to unlock it, making sure to only open the door enough so that the chain could still be connected until she saw who it was. The second it was open the whole way, he barged in and ran a hand through his hair as he spun to face her. "I've been so worried..."

As adrenaline began to course through her veins, she took in his completely disheveled look and surprised herself more so than before. Practically running to him, she kissed his lips while her hands worked his jacket, pulling it from his shoulders. It took him a minute to recover from his own shock but soon began to keep up with her frantic pace. His mouth moved from her lips to her neck as he cupped her ass and lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He kissed her neck, her chest, and then made his way back up for his tongue to find hers again.

It was as if the bed was the only logical place to go and she found herself on her back, looking up at him, and watching as he threw his shirt to the side before pulling hers up and kissing her stomach. His tongue tickled her ribs as she pulled off her shirt and unsnapped her bra before unbuckling his belt and helping to rid him of his jeans. Moments later, she was kicking off her pants which were the last article of clothing left on either of them.

Catching him off guard, she managed to get him on his back this time and straddled him, kissing her way over his body just like he had done with hers. Lowering herself down onto him, she watched as his eyes closed and heard him let out the most primal noise she'd ever heard a human make. "Fuck." This time the sound came from her as he recovered and grabbed her hips, holding her still so he could thrust upwards into her. Repeatedly. Hard.

Throwing her head back, she enjoyed the ride until she was seconds from coming. Then, she pulled away from him and he reluctantly let go of her. She knew he was blue-balled and the second she was on her back beside him, he rolled so he was back inside her. It wasn't until he drove into her until she came that she realized he was holding her down by her wrists. Needing to feel in control again, Bella rolled them once more so she was on top of him, her knees on either side of his hips. She felt empty now that he was no longer inside of her and she leaned forward, resting her head on his chest as she panted heavily.

Edward just reached up to move her hair from her face as his phone began buzzing from the floor where it was resting in his coat pocket. Kissing her gently on the mouth he positioned her so that she was sitting in his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for his jacket. "Bella, I'm sorry for...we probably shouldn't have..."

"Edward, I swear to God, if you apologize for what just happened here..." His entire body tensed and Bella lifted her head from his still naked chest. "What? What is it?"

"It's Ally. She's awake."

"Go. It's okay..."

"You seemed upset earlier. I can stay."

"No, you need to be with your family. You go and we'll talk...some other time."

To her surprise, he dressed excruciatingly slowly and kissed her for about three minutes straight before promising to call her in the morning. He'd asked her to go with him but she refused. This was a family thing and he needed to be there with them. She didn't feel right about it. Locking the door behind him, Bella crawled back into bed and pulled the sheets tightly around her. The smelled like him and she breathed in deeply, starting her usual prayer. It was the one she used every night she expected to have nightmares. Breathing in his scent and feeling completely spent, Bella closed her eyes and drifted off.

Her ringing phone woke her the next morning and she let it ring for about a minute before realizing what it actually was. Wiping sleep from her eyes, she stumbled for the phone and grabbed it before the person gave up. "Hello?"

"Bella? Were you still sleeping? I can call back later..."

"No. It's fine. What's up with your sister? Is she okay?"

"I was going to call you last night but I didn't want to wake you. Everything's going really well. Jasper and my mom were the only two allowed in with her last night but by this morning when we were all allowed in, she was remembering people and things that happened. Apparently, her memories were a little scrambled. There was only one big setback when she realized the fact that something...or someone...was no longer in her belly. Oh, and more good news, they're going to let us hold Tommy. If everything is okay by the end of the week, my mom is going to take him home while Alice builds up her strength a little. We're all worried about the baby catching illnesses from being in the hospital."

"That's great, really. Tell Alice I said hi...if she remembers me..."

"You should come down to the hospital after you wake up a bit more. You can tell her hi yourself and we can play with the baby for a little while..."

"Edward, I can't," Bella said quietly. "They're burying Regina this morning. Shit! What time is it?"

"Nine. I'm sorry...I completely forgot about the funeral..."

"It's fine. I can do this by myself. I have to go get ready." Hanging up so that she could go jump into the shower, Bella threw the only long, black dress she owned across her bed and headed for the bathroom.

Regina Crowley had been one of the nicest women she'd ever met, besides her little hang-ups over her son's love life. As Bella pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home, she saw James standing in a suit by the back doors. He hugged her gently and she found herself tearing up. When she saw Tyler, she really broke and felt like an idiot for crying so hard. Funerals always pulled at her heart. As more people began to arrive, she headed back over to James. "Are any of the other girls here?"

James shook his head. "They came for the viewing yesterday before work. I doubt any of them will come to the church or the cemetery. Are you here by yourself?"

"Yeah. Edward's sister woke up this early this morning and he's with her at the hospital."

"That's great!"

"Yeah. He and Alice are pretty close and I know he's been really flustered since everything happened. I'm going to come back to work...soon. I just need...I don't know...some time I guess."

"Take as much as you need. Why don't you ride with me in the procession so you aren't alone?"

"That would be wonderful. Thanks."

"No problem. I have to go; I think they need me to discuss my pall bearing duties. I'll tell the director go take the flag off your car. You can come back to get it after the little luncheon."

Bella watched him walk away and wondered around the rooms full of cheery paintings and heavily flowered couches. The couches reminded her of her Grammy Swan, God rest her soul. Tyler sat in the front when it came time for the closing of the casket and the little priest said a few blessings before people were called from the back to the front to say their goodbyes. Tyler, who was the last to say goodbye, broke down as they closed the casket. Bella had been one of the firsts called up from the back but she walked back in when she realized he had no family or even friends left in the room to console him. She held his hand as James and five other men she didn't know carried Regina out to the hearse.

The church service had gone fairly quick and to her relief, Tyler had people to sit with during that. Once they were all back in their vehicles, they proceeded to the grave site. She had just gotten out of James' vehicle when she saw a familiar sports car pull up a few spots away. Edward looked nervous as he approached her and silently took her hand, leading her in the direction of everyone else. Once everyone was gathered, they began to read a bible verse that always struck Bella. It was something that she would sometimes remember when she was tied up in some random man's house. It brought her comfort when her grandmother would say it to her when she was little. It was the fix-it method anytime Bella would become upset or anxious over something that she couldn't control.

Psalm 23. Despite her Catholic upbringing, she was convinced prayers were pointless but remembering her gram's voice reciting those words, for just a few moments she could pretend that she was going to be okay. This was the hardest part of the whole funeral and when one of Tyler's relatives began to sing "Amazing Grace", Bella had a hard time controlling her sobs. It was okay, though. There wasn't a dry eye under the makeshift tent.

Edward held her close to him and James looked over, almost surprised to find that he was there with her...but he also looked relieved. Bella could see even through her tears that Edward's hair was still damp and he smelled of soap. Once they were in his car on the way to get hers, she turned to him. "You didn't have to come...but I'm glad you did."

"I feel like such a dick for forgetting about it. I would have been here sooner but...after last night...I needed to shower and grab some fresh clothes."

"You have a lot on your mind right now."

"So do you. Do you want to talk about last night?"

"The sex?"

He chuckled. "No. There was something bugging you before I came over."

Bella closed her eyes, which were no doubt red and swollen from all the crying she'd done. She couldn't do this now, not here in a car. If his secret was something bad, something that she couldn't accept, she'd need to be strong so she could do the right thing. Now was not the time. "Later. I can't talk about things right now."

"Okay, but you can't put it off forever. I want you to talk to me. For now, do you want to go visit Alice or go home?"

"Let's visit. Did she remember me?"

If Bella was worried that Alice wouldn't remember her, she was definitely mistaken. Alice's eyes lit up as Bella approached the bed. "Hey, Alice. How are you feeling?"

Alice gave a small smile. "I'm doing pretty good. Tired. I get to see my son today so life is good." Her voice sounded tired and scratchy.

Bella once again felt that empty pang in her chest. Alice had just been through something life-threatening and came out with a broken leg, some broken ribs, and some memory loss, yet she felt that life was good if only because she got to see her child. Bella had to close her eyes and think of something else before she began to cry. Alice's rough voice spoke again. "I'm glad you stuck by Edward. Mom told me how great you are with him. Despite what some may think-my brother is a good man."

"You must have hit your head pretty hard, Ally," Edward laughed, causing a smile to escape Bella's lips. She thought about what Alice had said. It was the type of thing you said when someone was helping someone get through a rough situation. _Does she mean I was great with him here at the hospital? He's been helping me more than anything. He's giving me help I don't deserve._

It didn't feel right that anyone other than Alice should get to hold Tommy first so the family, excluding Jasper who waited with Alice, left the room to give the three of them some private time with each other. Everyone smiled and cooed as the baby was wheeled passed them into the room. Edward had said his parents weren't particularly fond of Jasper before but apparently he had proven himself when he had stuck by their daughter through this whole nightmare.

An hour later, Edward was finally got the chance to hold his little nephew and Bella saw his face light up. It was always a strange reaction in her, when she saw a man with a baby, it did things to her-especially when that man already did wonderful things to her and looked as good as Edward. He rocked the baby gently and walked him over to where Bella was standing by the door. Holding the infant between them, he asked if she wanted to hold him and she debated on the best answer. She wanted to touch that little baby so bad that it hurt but was afraid it would hurt just as bad if she did. Her love of babies got the best of her and she held her arms out. He whimpered a little before settling into her arms as if he was just getting comfy.

The second her arms took in his warmth and his soft baby skin, Bella became teary-eyed and nearly panicked. "Edward..." she choked, trying to speak coherently and not cause a scene. "I think he wants you."

Edward took him back, seeing Bella's distress and handed the baby back to its grandmother. "Mom, I'll be right back."

He took her into the hallway, wiped away a single tear that managed to escape her eyelid undetected. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...this is too much to handle all at once and I understand if you are upset with me for just throwing you into the mix with my family..."

"It isn't that. Edward, really...you can't love me. You just can't. No one can and the sooner we get this past us the quicker you'll be able to move on..."

"What are you talking about?"

Bella's heart broke when she saw how upset he looked. Grasping for anything she could to fix it, she thought of Liz's suggestion. Having no idea how true it really was, she bit her lip and looked away from him. "I'm going to go back to Washington."

"You're going home?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why now? Why after all this time?"

_You knew he wouldn't believe you! There's no way out of this now. _Just the thought of returning home to her family made her heart a little lighter. Maybe she could actually do it. She wondered if they still lived in the home she'd known throughout her childhood... "Bella!" Edward's voice broke through her inner musings and she jumped a little. "Why?"

She was surprised by how angry he seemed but she realized quickly that the anger was actually hurt. Her heart felt like it was cracking. If she did go home, it really meant this was over between them. Hearing Tommy's shrill baby cries coming from inside the room, Bella knew this was for the best. He just didn't understand. "There's a lot."

"A lot of what?" He was demanding answers now and the tone in his voice was sharper than she was expecting.

"Please calm down. I don't want to do this...not here."

"What? Say goodbye?"

"Edward, please..."

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for getting upset but come on, Bella! You can't just walk away..."

Remembering all of the things he had said to her, about her being too good for the life she was living, that things weren't normal, she knew what would get through to him. It was also the absolute truth. "You gave me the power to be able to do this. I have the ability to do this because of you...I have the ability to not walk away but to walk home. Liz has talked about me moving somewhere safer, just like you wanted, and I really was thinking of doing it. That's because of you, too! You've made me realize that things could be better and that I am strong enough to do them on my own!"

He looked completely torn and she hated herself more than ever. Alice and Thomas were doing so much better, this should be a happy time for him, and she was ruining it. This never would have happened had they not met. Damn Emmett and his bachelor party. "Okay. You want to go home, then go. Will you at least fucking tell me what you were so damn frightened of?"

He was really hurting. Tears threatened her as she shook her head. "I can't. Not here..."

"Where?"

Bella swallowed hard, remembering their first night being together. He had used that same word in such a different way that it ripped at her stomach. "Your place. I need to get my money anyway. Say goodbye to them and meet me in your parking garage when you're done."

She didn't look up to see his face, her feet just moved as quickly as they could go. It wasn't lost on her that she was still wearing her funeral garb. Pushing Edward out of her mind, she began to formulate a plan. Liz had been telling her that she was going to kill herself by going crazy from all the hiding, the secrets, and the lies. It had been years and Bella knew it was time. There was no way James would be upset with her for using the computer at the club to book a plane ticket and she was sure she could talk him into letting her use his credit card to book it, especially if she paid him in cash and gave a little interest.

**I want to take a second to make a HUGE apology! I got my chapters confused-I've been super busy lately and I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached! The NEXT chapter will have the BIG discussion about what happened with Edward-or more of a goodbye tiff. I'm sorry for the cliffy with this chapter but it made sense to stop it here. Because of my screw up, I am planning to do everything in my power to update twice this week so you can read the chapter you've all been waiting for. Again, my sincerest apologies to all of you! Also, THANK YOU for all the wonderful reviews! Your words of encouragement keep me going during this chaotic life I'm currently living and I love each of you dearly! Letzigprincess xx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**You Knew**

Bella watched Edward get out of his car and walk straight past hers. His dress clothes were wrinkled, the shirt was pulled free from where it was once tucked in, and his hair looked like...well, there was only one time it was truly that messy and if she thought about how she'd made it like that, she wouldn't have the ability to walk away from him. Jumping out of the car, she followed him, just making it into the elevator before the doors could close. He wasn't saying anything but he was breathing heavily and staring straight ahead. When they got to their floor, she followed him again but she could have been a ghost that he didn't even realize was there.

When he about closed the apartment door in her face, she grabbed it and let herself in, slamming it hard behind her. "Don't fucking act like I'm not here, Edward!"

"Isn't that what you wanted? That first night when you propositioned me into being your pathetic fuck buddy, didn't you tell me this is what you wanted?"

"I did but you have no clue what kind of a past I have!"

"Then enlighten me, Isabella, if that's even your real name!"

Closing her eyes and then opening them again slowly, she unclenched her fists. "Don't act like I'm the only one who's keeping secrets!"

"The drugs are my father's deal, not mine. He needed my help and I helped him. I don't do them and I don't fucking sell them..."

"I'm not talking about the drugs. What the fuck did you do to Jane?"

"I didn't do shit to her! I walked in on her and her surgeon..."

"You caught her cheating?" Bella couldn't help but soften her tone.

"No. He was beating the shit out of her. The stupid bitch still loved him more than me. I went to pull her away from him but she got free on her own, the bastard was rather surprised when I made my appearance. Her neighbor called the police and guess what Jane did? _Janie_ told the damn police that I came home to find them together and beat her face in."

"They believed her?" Now, she wanted to rip the girl apart even more. Telling herself that she couldn't leave him if she felt so protective, she pushed the thought away-or more like shoved.

"It wasn't difficult," Edward scoffed. "When the police showed up, I had her new man pinned up against he wall and he wasn't looking any better than her. I never in my life hit a woman and I never will. Jane dropped the charges against me...it's in the past...but my entire family fucking believed her over me. Alice didn't, though. My pregnant little sister came down to the jail to pick my sorry ass up. I owe that girl more than you know."

"I'm sorry..."

"Fuck it. You shouldn't give a shit about me, I'm just the man who let you fuck him so you could get your peace of mind over whatever the fuck happened to you. You know, you can play at being this tough, independent person but I've seen you at your worst. You're weak and you want for things that other girls want. Those nights when we were alone, when you were clinging to me like I was your white fucking knight and you were the damsel in distress, I saw the real you. When you held that little baby today and your face just melted into happiness. You want that. You want it all. You want a husband and a baby. It's not something to be ashamed of!"

"I can't have a baby, Edward! I will never be able to live in a house with a white picket fence and the perfect husband who fathered my perfect children. I will never carry a baby for nine months or watch as my husband carries our newborn into our house for the first time after we come home from the hospital. Never."

"Because you can't be loved?" Edward asked, as if he knew her reasoning and thought it was ludicrous.

"Because the bastards that bought and sold me made it so that none of their rich clients who had the perfect jobs and wives and children and homes and cars could knock me up. Me. The little whore who they paid big money to play with when the wife wasn't around! That's right. I'm a whore for hire, Edward Cullen." He looked disgusted and completely pale. _Get the money and get out. You don't have to sit here and listen to him judge you. _Needing to keep him from talking, she went down the hallway to grab her bowl of money.

"Every thought that ran through your head? Every one that told you I was abused? Every one that made you sick? It was worse than that. Men who had money were the ones who did this to me. It wasn't some sick bastard who was obsessed with me, it wasn't my parents, and it sure as hell wasn't someone who snapped and assaulted me! I was kept on cement floors, subjected to...procedures that I didn't not want, and beaten if I couldn't help some old dick get it up!"

She hadn't gone into depth like this with Liz or anyone else. Ever. It felt so good to talk. She was standing by the front door again, her hand on the knob. "I wanted to fucking swim. That's all I wanted. I placed first so many times in high school and was so excited to compete in college. I went to the doctors for a physical. A God damned physical. Do you know what happened then? I was referred to a fake medical center by a fucking fake doctor. They drugged me and I woke up in a cage suspended about eight feet from a warehouse floor!"

Edward's entire body was tense and he sort of looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to say something or just pass out where he stood. He looked so, so pale. Finally, he pushed out enough air to say, "I know you hate me now but did you ever love me? Even a little bit?"

_Yes! _Her heart cracked the rest of the way and she let herself cry. What her heart was screaming every word that could be positive affirmation, her mind fought it and made her rationalize. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

**EPOV**

Edward watched Bella leave and tried to keep breathing. He'd forgotten how. It was all out there on the table and she was right, the truth of what happened to her was even worse than the ideas that he'd given himself. He was able to pretend even the milder things weren't true so he could keep his sanity...and justify their sexual relationship. Just last night he had her pinned to her bed. No wonder she was leaving him, he treated her no differently than those bastards had. Grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen, Edward went back into his bedroom and ripped the sheets off of the bed. He had no idea why that made him feel better but it did. Grabbing his laptop, he decided to dig as much as he could. She was gone and there was no reason for him not to be able to dig.

The battery was dead from when he left it on the night he'd found her in the elevator. Plugging it into the wall, he watched as the 'resume' bar made it across the screen and the internet browser sprung to life. The first thing he saw was a picture of Bella, another of when she was younger, and with it was an article. Apparently, her family had conducted a search for her on the grounds that they thought she'd been kidnapped. She had been but it was into organized crime, there was no way in hell Bella would have been found. They'd probably had her across the damn country before her parents even knew she was missing.

There were fliers and pictures of people hanging them up on telephone poles all around the state of Washington. He wondered why she never contacted her parents but his head was too cloudy to rationalize anything. Gulping down the rest of the bottle in his hand, he tossed it onto the pile of sheets on the floor. He was barely aware he was actually crying as a thought came to him. Bella had confided in Liz. It must have been why Liz had studied them so closely at the hospital as if they were a rare species.

He had done to Bella what all of those men had done. The images of her held down to the bed by his hands, of him holding her hips and making her move the way he wanted her to, of him taking her against the side of a fucking strip club by a dumpster... While Liz may not have known before all of that, she had still known when Bella told her and not said anything. She could have at least hinted, at least told him that Pete's assumption that Bella was victimized had been true. He wouldn't have wanted to know. Ignorance was bliss.

Grabbing his car keys, he almost did something completely stupid, like getting behind the wheel. Instead, he called Emmett, telling him he needed a ride over to their favorite aunt's house. He tried to remain calm on the ride over, telling Emmett he just needed to talk to Liz and refusing to give more information than that. When they arrived, Emmett told him he needed to get back to the club but he'd come pick him up. He seemed leery about leaving Edward with Liz, Edward was sure he reeked of alcohol.

When he finally left, Edward rang the doorbell and knocked for good measure. Liz opened the door, her eyes going wide when she saw him. "Edward..."

"We need to talk."

"Is it Bella?" she asked, concern dripping from her words as she led him into the little office she had. Obviously, she was busy working at her computer and he'd just interrupted her.

"It was always about Bella!"

Liz seemed nervous now, looking towards the door that was behind him. "Edward...I..."

"You fucking knew! This whole God damned time, you fucking knew and you never once said a word to me!"

"She asked me..."

"She was raped! You let me...you never tried to stop me..."

"Edward," Liz said, holding her hands up in defense, "it was never my place to become involved in what you and Bella did in private. We both know that. She had begged me to not mention things to you and I honestly thought you knew at least some of it. You're just really upset right now and judging from the smell of it, you're drunk."

"I fucking miss her already..." he said in defeat, leaning up against the door frame and closing his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"She's gone, Liz. She fucking walked out."

"Walked out where?"

"Home. To Washington. She's going home, Liz." His voice broke as he said the word 'home' and he began to cry in front of his aunt. He hated himself.

"Oh, sweetie..." she said softly as she approached him.

"I love her. She doesn't love me but I love her..."

"Edward, I don't know what crap she's been feeding you but that girl loves you. You saw her at the hospital, you know the things that doctors have done to her, and yet she still walked through every dark shadow that place held in her mind to get to you. Think about it. She was afraid to love, Edward. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you."

"It doesn't matter anymore. She's gone."

"Alright, why don't I get you some water? We'll try to flush out this alcohol and you can take a nap. If she did leave to go back to Washington, then there's really nothing we can do but wait. You can't even call her if she's on a plane anyway. Besides, you shouldn't be talking to anyone in your state of mind. Come on, you can crash in the guest bedroom..."

**BPOV **

It took one quick stop at her apartment, a short visit to her former employer, and five hours before she was on a plane. The only hang up she was worried about was using her outdated license but the tired security officer seemed to not really give a shit. She could have been an African American man on the photo i.d. and still be waved through to her terminal. With each mile closer to home, she was beginning to panic more and more. What if they hated her? What if they didn't even live in her childhood home anymore? What if they weren't even still alive?

She shut her mind off and thought of nothing but the bumpy road her bus was currently on. She was thankful that most of her bad memories had taken place away from her home, at least they had relocated her. It felt so weird coming home like this, it felt like she was dreaming. This was all because of Edward. He was right, she wasn't living life the way it should be lived. Her traumas had gotten the best of her. Liz was also right, most of her fears were in her mind. She had to face them or she'd never be happy. No matter how scared she was of what she was walking into, her mind would not let her forget Edward. He was so good to her and she had treated him so badly.

This was a new beginning. He had given her the strength to do this and she knew she had to let him go. He had his family and his own life, a life that couldn't have her in it and thrive. Before she knew it, she was standing on the road in front of the two story, white house. The familiar wooden porch steps and a police cruiser pulled into the driveway were two of the most calming things she'd ever seen. _You can do this. Just go knock on the door. If they're home, they'll answer. If they don't want you...well, you'll know that too. _She realized too late that she didn't have a back up plan.

After knocking on the front door for a few minutes, Bella sighed and stepped back. When she turned to leave, a familiar man walked around the side of the house and froze when he saw her. "Can I help you?"

Bella's entire stomach flipped as she turned and made eye contact with him. Charlie Swan, the man she'd spent her childhood with, was a few feet away from her. This wasn't how she envisioned their reunion. His face was much thinner and his clothes seemed to hang on him a little more than she could remember. He was balding and the hair that was there was starting to go gray. Maybe this wasn't her father, maybe this was a relative. "Dad?" she asked in a whisper, her arms wrapping herself as she was suddenly ashamed of herself again.

He just stared at her, his face puzzled, and even though she had recognized him she began to wonder if this was her father. When tears began to form in his eyes, Bella knew she must be losing it. This man couldn't be her father. The Charlie she knew never showed emotion. He wiped quickly at the tears as they began to fall and with shaking steps began to walk towards her. It took everything she had not to step back away from him but he was up on the porch and hugging her before she really have had the chance. "Bella. Oh, Bella..."

It took her a moment to breathe normally but she soon found her arms around him, hugging him just as hard. "I'm sorry..."

"I failed you, Bella. My entire life is about protecting the innocent...and I couldn't protect you. I tried...I tried so hard and when I found out what happened..."

Bella's arms tightened around him but this time it wasn't out of love, it was out of fear. _He must be confused. There's no way he knows what happened. This is too strange. _Eventually, she found her voice. "Where's mom?"

Her dad straightened up as if he just thought of something he should have thought about a long time ago. "Work."

Bella smiled at the normality of it. She should have expected that they'd have normal lives, it had been years since everything started. She wondered if this was the end. "Come inside. Wait. Baby, do you need a doctor...or...

"No. Dad, I don't know what you think happened..."

"I don't think so, Bella, I know so. It's been happening all over the damn country. Apparently, men...we both know what happened. I don't very much want to discuss it. Just know that there is a federal investigation into..."

"Dad. No. No investigating...this is dangerous. Those men are dangerous. Please..."

"They can't hurt you anymore. I don't...Jesus, Bella. How the hell do we do this? I've been looking for you since the day you disappeared..."

"I should have called first. I mean, there's like a method to these types of things, right? Like I contact you and we meet somewhere and there's like, I don't know...etiquette to this?" Bella felt lost. _Where do we go from here? How do we fix this? _

"Why didn't you get help? How did you get away? Do you know names? Faces? Anything..."

_This was wrong. You shouldn't have come, Bella. _"Dad, I can't. I got away...awhile ago. I've been running and now I'm home and I don't want to do this anymore. I can't."

"I'm sorry..."

"Quit saying that! Come on," Bella said, trying to sound cheerful despite her crying, "I want to see mom."

"Of course. I'll call her. Right now. Just...don't go anywhere, okay?"

She nodded and watched him shuffle around the house looking for the phone. Some things never change. When he found it, he returned, triumphant that the phone was in his hand. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he pulled Bella into another hug with one arm and dialed with the other. "Renee, I need you to come home. Now...if you can. No. I...you should just...drive safely. Okay? Just be safe and get here. Like soon. Okay?"

Bella cringed at her father's nervous babbling but started to cry again when she realized just how good it felt to be there with him. There was no right or wrong way to do this reunion, she knew that now. This felt right. Still, there was something missing. The shattered pieces of her cracked heart seemed to be coming back together but that large split was still right down the center. Suddenly, she wanted to bring Edward home, let him meet her father. It was too late for that now.

"Why did you come back? Why now? Not that I'm not happy but I'm just curious..."

_Edward. That's why. _"It's okay, dad. I came back because...a friend showed me that it wasn't okay to hide anymore."

"Well, sounds like a good girl. I wish I could meet her so that I could thank her."

Bella smiled, nope, somethings never change. "Dad, it's a he. His name's Edward."

"Oh," her father's face fell a little. "Well, I'd still like to tell him I said thanks. Is this more than...a friend?"

"Dad...I just got home. Let's not talk about guys, okay?"

He looked slightly relieved, "Yeah. Okay..."

They fell into the comfortable silence that she was accustomed to with her father. After they sat down on the couch and he turned on the local news, the front door banged open. "Charlie, honey, what's wrong? Did something..."

Bella looked at her dad who nodded and she stood, giving her mother the first glimpse of her. "Oh my God! Oh my, God...Bella!" It was surprise, despair, and happiness all in one tone and Bella immediately started to cry. Renee had practically vaulted the couch to get her daughter and Bella was reassured once again that this was right. It had been time to come home for awhile...and it took Edward knocking down every wall she built to get there.


	18. Chapter 18

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 18**

**Push and Shove**

"This isn't okay!"

Edward looked across at Emmett as they sat across from each other in the over-sized meeting room of Twilight Moon. Rubbing his face, he shook his head. "Let it go. Here are the books. They're balanced. I have a bank run to make and a few...errands. I have to get home to the baby. Jazz's waiting for me."

"How long have you been dad's little 'errand' boy? I mean, we were on the same side here until when?"

_One month. When Bella left. That's when it all really started. We _were _on the same team. _Pushing his chair back from the table, he stood up, obviously pissed. "Dammit, Edward, think of Tommy!"

That stopped him in his tracks. "I have always thought about that baby. Fuck off, Emmett. I'm serious!"

"Or what? If you get in too deep, do you realize that's one less person who will be there for him?"

"Ally will be there." He didn't even believe himself.

"Edward, man, come on. Ally's dying..."

"Fuck. You."

Slamming the door closed behind him, he grabbed his duffle bag from his office and threw it over his shoulder. Emmett was right, about all of it, and that's why Edward had to get the hell away from him. Lighting a cigarette, Edward ran his hand through his hair, unlocked his car, and climbed in. Once he was safely inside, he bowed his head and let a few tears escape. He didn't give a fuck if that made him a pussy. It had been this way since the day Bella left.

**One Month Ago**

"Where is he?"

Edward listened as his uncle came home and stormed right past where he was sleeping on the couch. He vaguely heard him since through his thoughts were clouded with alcohol. Footsteps came back into the room, this time they were whispering. "He's right here," Liz whispered softly.

"Are you okay?" Pete asked, as if frustrated.

"For God's sake, Peter, he didn't try to hurt me. He's upset...and he has good reason to be."

"So this is about Bella?"

"Of course it is. She told him the truth and I think she left. For good."

"And the truth is?"

"She was trafficked. She was taken from her family and used in horrible ways by men with more money than they'll ever be able to spend."

"When did he find out?"

Edward was sick from listening to the replay of what Bella had already told him. Sitting up, he took in his aunt and uncle's sorry expressions. "Don't fucking apologize. It is what it is. Like she said, Bella's gone. For good."

"Do you want me to take you home?" Pete asked softly.

"No. I'll call Em. Liz, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken this out on you."

Emmett had picked him up and left him at the bottom of his apartment building. Neither of them really said a word to each other and Edward was fine with that. This was something he had to find a way to get over. He needed to push it down and move the fuck on. Bella was gone, though, and he knew that thought would eventually bring him to his knees.

When he woke up the next morning, he went to the hospital to learn that Alice had slipped yet again back into her long sleep and as he held his nephew, he realized things were not okay with his family any more than they were okay with only him. According to his mom, Carlisle had walked out when the nurse told them about Alice that morning and he wouldn't even answer her phone calls. Esme was pissed, Emmett was still mad about the drug situation, Rosalie was stressed, and yet they were being told that the baby would be able to come home in only a few days.

Around lunch time that day, his mother had finally gotten a hold of her husband and reamed him out. Edward watched with a smirk on his face, cradling little Tommy in his arms, and realized how tough his mother truly was. After putting up with his father's career, including the things he did that Edward was sure she suspected, and all the shit he, Emmett, and Alice had put her through, he couldn't believe she was as fierce as he could always remember her being. He wondered if they were the reason she was that way. After hanging up on Carlisle, she looked to him. He sat up a little straighter, clearing his throat.

He prepared to get his ass handed to him as well, though he didn't know what it would be for, and was surprised when her face softened. "Liz told me that Bella left. I'm sorry but I tried to..."

"Don't," Edward kept his voice as soft, yet deadly, as possible. He didn't want to upset Tommy. "Just forget about all of it, okay? You don't know the shit she's been through, mom."

"Whatever. I _am_ sorry."

"I know and thank you. What are we going to do with him?" Edward asked looking down at the infant.

"We're going to take home and not give him the chance to miss his mother until she's safely home from the hospital and caring for him herself."

"You're going to keep him home with you?"

"Of course. Jasper's a good guy but he won't leave Alice's side...I don't know what that says about him but I know it isn't enough to trust him with sole responsibility of my grandson."

"How are you going to handle him on your own?"

"I've raise all three of you on my own. Your father was usually not around. I can handle it. Why don't you go home and rest? You look like shit."

**Present **

Edward could still remember that day clearly but still couldn't figure out when the rest had fucking happened. One day, they were packing up the tiny Cullen and arranging him at Edward's parents' house but before he knew it he was moving a crib into his own apartment for those days when his mother just couldn't bring herself to leave Alice. A hospital was no place for a baby. He had no clue what he was doing but he was doing it. Jasper was getting better with leaving the hospital and because Edward figured he needed the support, he asked him to come and stay at his apartment until everything was done.

It had been a month since Alice had slipped and it still wasn't done. He didn't even know what done would mean. It could mean Alice came out of everything, smiling and happy like she used to be. It could also mean the worse...but he wasn't willing to dwell on it. When he walked in from his little meeting with Emmett, Jasper was standing in front of the stove warming up a bottle and nodded a greeting towards him. The guy was pretty good company.

"Here, I'll take him. You should go before visiting hours are over."

"Thanks, man. I...um...I think I need to go back to work, ya know?"

Edward waited for him to continue, knowing Jasper knew full well that most of the responsibility for Tommy would end up on Edward. Jasper didn't have access to the money the Cullens had and Edward couldn't possibly hold that against his friend, he was dealt a fucked up shitty deal. He was trying to do right by his dying love by raising her child. A child who wasn't even his. "I was wondering if maybe...I know Esme doesn't like the idea but..."

"Jazz, don't worry about my mom. I'll tell her she either needs to help with him more or we're going to have to put him in daycare. Life happens and you've been putting it off for far too long."

"Thanks, man. For everything."

"Don't sweat it. You're raising my sister's kid because you love them both. That's enough. Now get the hell out of here. Tommy and I have a date with some Comedy Central and a bottle."

Jasper set the bottle of milk on the counter before walking over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of beer. Setting it beside the milk, he smirked and handed over Tommy. "Just one. I don't need you passing out on him."

Edward knew he was only joking, he knew damn well Edward would never get drunk while caring for the baby. That kid was probably his only friend besides Jasper. Flipping Jasper off, he grabbed the bottles and settled in for another night with only a tiny, cooing baby to keep him company. Around eight, there was a knock on the door and his mom opened it without waiting for an answer. "I've come to pick up Tommy...have you been drinking?" she asked, staring pointedly at the empty beer bottle.

"I had one. Here, I just changed him. How's Alice?"

His mom just sighed; he'd never seen her look so tired. "I don't know, Edward. This is just getting to be...too much. Between the infections and her just refusing to wake up..."

"Yeah. I get it." He stopped her, wondering if it was because he couldn't stand to hear it again or if he couldn't stand having to watch her suffer through saying it.

"Your father and I...we're wondering if maybe...it's time to let her go. Ya know? I mean, there hasn't been any brain activity for days. How much longer can we put her through this? She has to be in so much pain...they're pulling the blood from her extremities to get it to her heart and her fingers are so discolored...her nails are almost black."

Edward put his arms around his mom, careful of the baby, and kissed her forehead. "I know, I saw her yesterday. I was there when the doctor talked to dad about everything. They think she might not wake back up."

"I just feel so...guilty. To think of all the hassle your father and I gave her about the pregnancy..."

"It was a normal parental reaction. Don't blame yourself for this. Ally wouldn't want you to."

"I'd better be going. Your father is supposed to come home tonight. We'll see. I swear he should just change his permanent address to the damn club. He's there way too much."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Call me if something comes up."

It was too early to sleep and he figured he'd head out to Twilight Moon. Emmett might be pissed at him but he also probably could really use the extra help. It was a Thursday night. Smiling to Rosalie when he walked in, she smiled back and motioned him over. "Keep an eye on bulky over there. He's been known to cause trouble here and Em's upstairs dealing with some stuff."

"No problem." Edward may look small but he was a fighter. Growing up, he and Emmett had taken kick boxing classes together and from there had gotten into squabbles at school constantly. If people hadn't been afraid of his parents, he was pretty sure he would have been in Juvie for a while. By the time senior high arrived, he'd gotten his shit together and quit with the schoolyard fights. Now, he just got his aggression out with the idiots who chose to start their own fights in his family's bar. Of course there were a few times when he had ended up with scars that proved he'd gone up against someone bigger than him but he typically managed to outsmart them and land a punch at just the right time.

Edward monitored the room, even grabbing a mop to wipe up a mess some drunk blonde had made by dropping her drink on the floor. To his surprise, at midnight, he ended up having to step in to break up a fight and it wasn't one that 'bulky' was involved in. It was between Jacob Black and Emmett. Edward had just set the mop in the back room when he heard the two yelling at each other on the other side of the bar, Rosalie was there watching with a mixture of amusement and horror. Emmett was leaning over the bar now, saying something very directly into Jacob's face. Jacob just stood on the other side, leaning in even closer and making a retort. When Edward strode over, Rosalie looked back and forth between them and him quickly before stepping towards Emmett. "Let it go."

"I won't fucking let it go. This asshole doesn't need to talk about my brother..."

"Em, shut the fuck up!" Rosalie said loudly, guiding Emmett to turn so he was face to face with his brother.

"Is there a problem here, Jacob?" Edward couldn't hide the venomous tone.

"I was just telling your brother here about Bella's little disappearing act. She was scared, Edward. I know it had something to do with you..."

"You have no idea what you're taking about. Get out."

"No. I want to know where she went. What the fuck did you do to her?"

"I didn't hurt her, Jacob. I'm serious. It's none of your damn business. What the hell does it matter to you anyway?"

"I hadn't seen her for a while and there's this book she always reads at the store across the street from her. I figured I'd let her know someone else seemed like they were going to buy it, you know, so I had a reason to be there..." Edward snorted but Jacob continued, "she's not there. Someone broke the locks and a lot of her stuff is trashed."

"She wasn't there. She went back home."

"There was something about you that really fucked with her head. I don't know what it was but if you hurt her, and I find out about it, I swear to God I will end you."

"I didn't fucking touch her...not like that. I wouldn't hurt her. I don't know who did that to her apartment but she wasn't there."

"Are you sure about that?"

Edward watched as Jacob shook his head and walked away. Fear had already formed in his stomach and he clenched his fists as Jacob shoved the door open and walked outside. He didn't want him to know that he affected him so he waited five minutes, barely listening to what Emmett was telling him, and then headed out to his car. By the time he reached the apartment, every scenario he could think of went through his head. Best case: she made it home to Washington safely. Worst case: she lied to him and someone took her from the apartment like Jacob had concluded.

The locks were all busted and some of her things had been knocked over onto the floor. Heading into the kitchen, he opened the door and cringed at the spoiled food she'd left inside of it. Obviously, the landlord had never made it here and he wondered if she'd even bothered to tell him she was leaving. The mattress was torn apart by what had to have been a knife and her medicine cabinet was bare. There was no blood and no sign that she had been in there when the thieves broke in.

He wished deeply that she had a cell that he could call, just to make sure that she'd gotten to Washington okay. Sitting down in her trashed apartment, he put his head in his hands and tried to think of a way to contact her. Lifting his head quickly, he was proud of himself for the first time in weeks. Rushing out, and not bothering to shut the door, he took the stairs two at a time towards his car.

The North Pole was busy, as was usual on a Thursday and he felt so fucking sick to his stomach walking through those doors. Every memory of this place, good or bad, came to mind. "Jess, hey, is Tyler around?"

"No... He's off tonight but James is here. What's wrong? I haven't seen you here since..."

"Bella left," he cut her off. "I know. Thanks."

Approaching the bar, he saw James take him in and frowned. "Have you talked to her?"

"Edward, look..."

"James," he said, putting his hands up. "I just want to know that she really did leave and she really is safe. Someone broke into her apartment, I don't know when, but I'm worried about her. If you've spoken to her at all lately, that's all you have to say. I just need to know."

He looked away and sighed before nodding his head. "She calls Tyler about once a week. She's with her family like she said. I didn't want to say anything because I don't know what happened between you two and I don't want to make things worse..."

Edward felt like he could breathe again. "I get it. I just wanted to know that she was safe."

"You look like hell." Edward didn't say anything back, just looked down at the bar. James motioned towards a stool. "Sit. It's on the house. Hell, man, we all miss her."

When he was nearly done with his beer, James leaned forward. "Ty doesn't give me all the details but I know she's pretty happy. If someone did break in to her place, it had to have been after she left. She's never mentioned it."

"That's good to hear. Do you think that maybe...I mean I don't want to drag her into this shit again...but could you maybe ask Tyler to just...to tell her..."

"Look, we haven't heard from her in a few days, she should be calling sometime this weekend. I'll have him mention calling you, that you want to talk to her, and we'll see. I don't want to get in the middle of what happened between you two because I'm just happy to see her out of this shitty place."

"You and me both, man. You and me both."

It was hard stomaching the fact that the owner of a strip club pitied him so he drank his one free beer and left. It really bothered him that Jacob and James both were so sure something had happened between him and Bella to cause her to leave, at least something negative. He liked to think that it was a positive situation between him and Bella. He never meant to hurt her and the mere idea that he may have during that last sexual encounter made him hate himself enough without everyone jumping on him over her leaving.

He did feel better now that he had it confirmed that she was home. As much as his family pissed him off sometimes, he loved them unconditionally. So, when he realized it was only about one, he decided to make a stop at his dad's club. Grimm was much darker than Twilight Moon and Edward suspected it had to do with his father's past. He would probably never know the specifics but he had met Esme when he was in college, and heavily into drugs. More than once, Carlisle would say that Esme was his guardian angel, that if it weren't for her, he'd have been found dead in a ditch long ago. Edward wished he could remind his father of that.

The inside almost reminded him of a strip club with a red and black theme but Edward knew better than to ever think his father would hire strippers. Esme would cut his balls off-she'd threatened it before but she really would do it if he pulled something like that. Edward wondered what his parents truly thought of Bella's past job. Shaking his head, he decided it didn't matter and probably never would again. She was gone. He also decided that it didn't surprise him to find his father's car outside; of course he wouldn't be home with his mom and Tommy.

Making his way to the back room where his father kept a large office, he saw him talking to a tall, African American man with dread locks. "Thank you, Laurent. I appreciate...your business."

Edward watched as they shook hands and his father glanced up to acknowledge him. The man named Laurent looked nervous when he noticed him standing there. "Laurent, this is my son."

Edward felt like he should say something along the lines of 'nice meeting you' but it didn't feel right. This guy screamed danger and illegal activity. It took him for his father to say his name before he snapped out of his daze and he noticed that someone else was in the room. She looked young, maybe eighteen if that and her eyes were huge. If the girl hadn't been blonde and was a little more petite, he could have mistaken her for Bella based on her fearful look alone.

His head snapped over to Carlisle as his name was said and Edward suddenly wanted to dive across the room and tackle the large, dread-locked man to the floor. Trying to contain himself, Edward nodded towards the girl, addressing Laurent. "What's her name?"

Laurent grinned a shit-eating grin and shrugged, "Izzy."

Edward nearly choked on his next question. That name was too close for his comfort. "What's her last name?"

Laurent grinned again, "She doesn't have one."

Edward knew then. Frowning, he turned around and walked out of the small office, not knowing what to do. The girl didn't look like some crack whore that was hanging around him to score blow. That girl was terrified and very much sober. In fact, he wished he could slip her a sedative, he could tell from looking at her across the room that her heart was probably pounding at a dangerous rate. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to help her but what could he _possibly_ do?

It was some time before his father escorted Laurent and the girl out of the office and towards the door. After a final goodbye, he watched Carlisle walk past and head into his office, beckoning Edward to follow. Edward tried to reign in his anger and shut the door behind them. Carlisle walked over to the desk and turned to him. "Did you need..."

"What the fuck, dad?"

"Now what? I'm not up to this moral bullshit..."

"Moral bullshit? So, you're fucking running girls now?"

"No! What the hell are you going on about?"

"What business do _you_ have with Dreads?"

"He's the one who fronts the money for the drugs until I can..."

"Where the fuck do you think he's getting that money from? The fucking neighborhood bank?"

The expression on Carlisle's face told Edward he had no idea...and had never really thought about it. Edward shook his head. "He's not getting rich from dealing in drugs. Christ, dad, he's getting rich from pimping out girls like that little one he just had with him."

"You don't know that."

"So you can honestly tell me that the girl wasn't afraid of him?"

"Edward..." his father began with an exasperated tone.

"No. Don't. I'm done with all of this shit. Em was right."

He turned to leave but Carlisle caught his arm and kept him from going. "Wait. Just sit down and let's talk. I know this is wrong. It's all wrong..."

"So quit."

"It's not that easy..."

"Dad, I probably shouldn't say this because she probably wouldn't want you to know but she's probably not coming back so..." Edward stopped for a minute, realizing he was starting to fall apart. "She was trafficked. Bella was trafficked. She was working in the strip club because it was under the table pay and she was hiding out in a little shitty ass apartment..."

He let his voice trail off, realizing he probably said too much already. God, he fucking missed her. His father wasn't saying anything, in fact, he looked completely speechless. "I'm going home. Mom's at your place with Tommy. Maybe you should pretend to give a shit about them."

**I'm really hoping for some more reviews, they mean a lot to me, please don't disappoint :) I know things look bleak but remember to have faith! I love each and everyone of you for giving me your time! Love, Letzigprincess xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 19**

**You Can Hate Me In the Morning**

"Hey, tomorrow, if you're up for it, we should go to the diner for lunch," Renee smiled widely at Bella as her daughter was saying her good-nights.

"We'll see. Goodnight, dad!" Bella called over to her father who was currently absorbed into some sports talk show.

'Yeah' was all she got back. With a smile and an eye roll towards her mother, Bella pulled her robe closer to her and headed towards her bedroom. The nightly ritual began. Shutting and locking her door, she then made sure her windows were latched tight, before climbing into bed and leaving her light on. Her parents had yet to complain about the light bill but they didn't like her locking the door. There were many nights when she'd wake up screaming and no one was able to get to her. It had to stay that way whether they liked it or not. She'd been home for a month and a half and it seemed they really didn't want to yell at her for much of anything.

Looking up at the ceiling, where little glow-in-the-dark stars from her childhood still glowed, she bit her lip and let herself think of Edward. She remembered everything. If she closed her eyes and calmed her breathing, she could see him exactly the way he was. She could see his green eyes that sometimes would turn to a hazel under certain light, she could remember the feel of his hair as she ran her fingers through it, and she could feel his arms that seemed stronger than any superhero she could ever possibly recall. He was her avenger. Now, with her eyes closed and her breathing beginning to even out, she could almost smell his scent on her sheets.

This was how she chose to fall asleep every night since she'd been home. The first few days were full of craziness. Her father had a lot of paper work to do to take her off of missing persons, her mother wanted to reintroduce her to the entire neighborhood, and both of her parents were adamant that she go to the doctor to be checked out. So, she watched her dad fill out forms, gave a statement saying she didn't remember what happened to her, and even talked to half the town with her mom. The doctor was an absolute no-no, even a few weeks in when she came down with the stomach flu. It came and went but she still felt tired and her mom was really pressuring her about seeing the family doctor, the same man who was on 'vacation' when she went in for that fateful physical many years before.

The dreams were less frequent but they were still there. Her money was sitting in a savings account with her and her parent's names on it even though she refused to tell them how she got it. It seemed everything was normal but they all knew better. Most twenty-some things didn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night; most weren't afraid to walk outside by themselves. There was a lot that she couldn't bring herself to do. So, she pretty much stayed cooped up in the house despite her mother's attempts to get her out and about more. Lying there, she reminded herself to call Tyler in the morning to check in. Drifting off to sleep tonight, though, she concentrated on one thing. Edward Cullen.

Before the tears could come, she tried to imagine him happy. As much as she wanted to, it was hard. He had loved her and she knew that. It had hit her the first night she was back with her parents; a huge piece of her was left with Edward. She would never not love him and she knew that he must absolutely hate her. He had done so much and she had only had the strength to walk away. He was wrong. She wasn't the strong person that he thought she was. She needed support. She needed his support. Now, it was too late. Slamming down that wall before she began to sob, she desperately tried to remember his smile. Had he left her, she might not have survived it. Despite everything she'd been through, that would have been her breaking point. Her parents were holding her to the ground but the pain of knowing what she'd done to the one person who had been completely selfless when it came to her nearly killed her everyday.

"Bella? Earth to Bella!" Bella's head snapped towards her mother as Renee's voice seemed to break through her thoughts. They were of that night in the alley, the one when she was wearing the red panties...it was totally inappropriate for a lunch date with her mom.

"I'm sorry. What?"

Renee looked at her for a good, long while before setting down her fork and taking a deep breath. "Are you okay? We can go home."

"No, no. I'm fine. We didn't even order dessert yet."

"You seem upset."

"I'm just...tired."

"You're not just tired, Bella. You seem distracted, like you're a million miles away. What are you thinking about, baby?"

Bella closed her eyes but it didn't stop the blush from coming to her cheeks. There was no way she was telling Renee what she was thinking about. No way in hell. "Nothing..."

"Charlie said that it was a boy that convinced you to come home. Is that what this is about? Is it about a boy?"

Bella swallowed hard, her entire body straining to stay upright. "It's in the past."

"Did he hurt..."

"Mom! No. He never hurt me...he wasn't...he was good."

"Then what made you decide to leave him and come home?"

"I missed you and dad. It was time."

Leaning in close to her daughter, Renee looked around and then spoke with her voice lowered. "Bells, we all know you were kidnapped. We're not stupid. You didn't just run away one day to return years later and claim you missed us. Judging by the miracle that you're here in front of me, I just want to know. How long have you been...not with the people who took you from us?"

Bella sat there deadpan, waiting a long time before answering. There was no reason to keep her mother out of the loop completely and she needed someone to talk to. Edward wasn't the only one in his family that she missed. She really missed Liz. "A few years."

"And that's when you met this boy?" her mother asked knowingly.

"Yeah."

"Did you love him?"

For no reason at all, Bella teared up and her mom sat back, having her answer right in front of her. "Did he love you?"

"Yes." Bella choked on that one simple word.

"Baby, you know you didn't have to pick between him and us. Wherever he lives, whatever you need to do...you've lost so much of your life, Bella. You need to do what you need to do. What do _you_ want?"

"It's not that simple. He's going through a lot. His sister was nineteen and pregnant when we met. She was in a car accident and they took the baby out early. She was in a coma but she woke up..." Bella couldn't acknowledge out loud that that joyous day was the same day she had left Edward.

"It sounds like he's been through a rough time as well lately," Renee observed absently before refocusing on Bella again. "It also sounds like he was there for you when you needed him."

"Mom..."

"I'm not suggesting anything. I just think that maybe you'd be happier...I mean...we just got you back but..."

"Mom, I'm not going away again."

"Not for good, no, but I think you should at least try to call him. Did you end on good terms?"

"Yes...well...I don't know. I kind of left in a hurry. I think I was afraid if I didn't do it, I'd lose my nerve."

"Did you get word to him that you made it here okay?"

"Mom, no..."

She was getting frustrated now but something inside of her was screaming at her to listen. Just that morning, Tyler had brought up Edward for the hundredth time in the last couple weeks. Apparently, he'd come by to check up on her because someone had broken into her crappy old apartment and he was worried she'd been hurt. Alice, according to Tyler, was doing horribly. This weighed heavily on Bella's heart since she'd found out. Perhaps her mother bringing it up a few weeks later was a sign.

"Okay," Renee said, holding her hands up in surrender, "I get it. Forget I said anything."

Bella watched as her mother looked down at her food like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Finally, she sighed, "Mom, what would it matter? He lives hours away. By plane. It would take all damn week for me to drive to him. You said it yourself, I just got back."

"Why not bring him here to visit?"

"This is crazy. I haven't spoken to him in almost two months. He could be with someone else already..."

"What's the harm in calling to check up on an old friend? Come on, Bella. I just...I want you to be happy. Let's face it, honey, you aren't happy at all."

"Fine. I'll call when we get home. One time. If he's engaged, married, or hell...even _dating_, you better have ice cream waiting on hand for us to pig out."

"I knew he meant something to you," Renee squealed happily as Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head. _You have no fucking clue, mom._

Bella stood in her parents' kitchen, tapping her foot with the phone receiver attached to her head. She was fully aware that her mom was in the living room watching soaps and trying to lead Bella to the conclusion that she wasn't listening into the call being made from the kitchen. Edward's number was burned in her brain and she listened with anticipation as his phone rang and rang. Just as she was about to give up hope, assuming that he was just simply ignoring her call, a voice came across the airwaves. "Hello?"

The voice was deep but it wasn't Edwards. "Hello?" she asked back in a confused way.

"Who is this?"

"I must have the wrong number..." _There's no way in hell this is the wrong number! I lay in bed and recite it at night for God's sake!_

"Is this Bella?"

"Yeah," she responded slowly. "Who the hell is this?"

"Emmett. Well, I mean this is Edward's phone but he's not around..."

"Emmett!" Relief flooded Bella now that she knew she hadn't forgotten Edward's number. "I was calling to see how Edward was doing..."

"Um, yeah, he's uh..."

Bella immediately knew something was very, very wrong. "What, Emmett?"

"It's not good. He's having a really rough time. Alice is...Alice isn't going...she's back in a coma and...well...she dying."

"Oh, no."

"Yeah. Edward's been trying to take care of Tommy and right now he's not talking to dad. It's kind of a big, long story."

"Emmett, is it like a time thing for Alice? Like, 'you have this long' or..."

"Not really but it's not even like she's...I guess she's kind of...there's not really brain activity happening I guess. They're thinking about pulling, ya know, the plug."

It was so, so hard to hear the easily excitable Emmett struggle though his words. It was worse than Tyler had thought. "Maybe you shouldn't tell him I called..."

"So you aren't coming back?" Emmett asked quietly.

"I...I don't know. Is he...did he find someone else?"

Emmett scoffed, "He barely socializes with anyone at all. A girlfriend is not in the cards for him right now. Can I say something that might be none of my business?"

"Yeah," she breathed with a shrug.

"I'm worried about him."

"Then, do you think I should come?"

There was quiet on the other end and she almost thought he'd hung up before he said, "Yeah, I do. And Bella?"

"Yeah?" she asked softly.

"He would have come for you...if all of this wasn't happening with Alice. He loves you and your leaving nearly killed him."

Bella looked down and realized she was no longer in her kitchen. In fact, she had made her way into her bedroom and was no looking at her luggage in the closet. Closing her eyes, she found her voice. "I'm on my way, Emmett."

"Mom?" Bella asked about forty five minutes later.

"Did you talk to him?" Renee asked, standing up from the couch and walking over.

"No. I spoke with his brother. They don't think Alice is going to make it..." Bella felt faint. If the loss of Tyler's mom had been bad, she couldn't imagine a funeral for Edward's little sister.

"Bella, you look kind of pale..."

"I think I have to go. I have to go back. I need to know he's going to be okay..."

Her mom looked like she wanted to cry. Looking away, she tapped her foot nervously before taking Bella by the shoulders and looking straight into her eyes. "I'm not going to stop you because I think you should be there too. Just promise me something, okay? You come back and you let us get you help."

"Mom..."

"Bella, please. I can't even imagine what you've been through but you don't know what we've been through either. I refuse to sit back and watch you suffer with this for the rest of your life. Go do what you have to do and I'll see you when you come home."

"What about dad?" Bella asked, cringing at the idea of telling him she was leaving to go see a boy hours away.

"I'll handle Charlie. Go pack."

"I already am. I ordered a plane ticket, too. I just..."

"Need a ride?"

"Yes," she smiled, feeling like she was ten years old again.

"Alright, let's get you to the airport. When you come back, we'll find you a car. You know," her mom smirked, following her up the stairs to grab her luggage, "your old truck's still here..."

After boarding her plane, a layover, a quick visit with James and Tyler at Tyler's mom's where Bella picked up the car Tyler had been letting her use, and a quick discussion about the weather with the parking lot attendee, Bella finally stepped out of the car and placed her feet on the familiar parking garage's floor. Edward, if he was home, was literally only about a hundred feet away. The trip out had been fairly easy on her nerves but suddenly she felt sick in the stomach again. This time, it probably wasn't this stupid flu bug; it was probably her stupid nerves.

He could absolutely hate her. He had every reason to and she wondered if he'd even want to see her. The idea of going all the way back home today made her feel completely exhausted. She listened to the familiar ding of the elevator signaling the different floors. It was almost like a lullaby but she made herself stand up straight, remembering what happened the last time she'd gotten tired in that same damn elevator. Over these past weeks, she'd been feeling completely drained of energy and today was no different. It was late and she wanted to collapse.

Finally standing in front of his door, she bit her lip and knocked quietly at first, getting louder as the time went by. It was almost midnight. _He could be sleeping...and he might not be alone..._Telling herself to shut up, she jumped when the door actually opened to reveal a shirtless Jasper. _At least it's not a shirtless girl..._ Bella raised an eyebrow. "Should I come back at a better time?"

He looked shocked...and possibly half asleep. When he shook his head as if to clear it and stepped back, he smirked. "Worried that I moved in on your territory?"

"Slightly..." Bella laughed, only half joking.

"Your boy's passed out on the recliner. We all had a late night and he um...sort of hit the bottle a little harder than he should have tonight."

"Is he okay, Jasper?" Bella asked, both of them knowing damn well she wasn't worried about alcohol poisoning.

"No."

"God, I'm sorry...how are _you_ holding up? I can't even imagine what you're going through..."

He held up a hand to stop her. "Don't. I can't dwell on it. I'll go nuts. Tommy needs me to stay sane. Do you, um, want to come in?"

"I'd love that. Thank you."

"No problem. Uh, you can try to wake him up...it probably won't happen. It amazes me that the only thing that can wake him when he's this out cold is Tommy's crying," Jasper mused. "Do you want his bed? I can take the couch..."

For a moment, Bella thought it was strange that Jasper was sleeping in Edward's bed and Edward was on the recliner but she figured it was too late to ask for details. She just wanted to sleep-for the next eight years. Jasper told her goodnight awkwardly and then stumbled back to the bedroom, leaving her alone with Edward. He was slumped over so that his chin was resting on his chest and he was fully clothed, complete with his baseball hat and jacket. The recliner wasn't even reclined and he was wearing shoes. Bella decided that he could hate her in the morning. Tonight she was going to get him as comfortable as possible and curl up on the couch until he woke up.

Removing his hat, she noticed is sunglasses were even still on. _What the hell time did they get home? Was it still light outside? _Tossing the two accessories to the coffee table, she reclined the chair and pulled off his shoes. The next item was his jacket and after a good struggle, she got it off and it joined the other disposed articles. Looking around, she noticed there was no blanket to put over him and she felt the overwhelming need to warm him. Reminding herself that she would be okay when he told her how much he wanted her to leave again, she slid off her own shoes and hoodie and crawled into his lap.

The instant her weight was on him, he stirred and brought his arms up to hold her like a vice. For a fleeting second, she became scared but soon relaxed and tucked her head under his chin, breathing in deeply and letting herself feel that she was okay for the first time in she couldn't remember how long. It had been a long, tiring day and she was content to rest against him in his unknowing form and let him hate her in the morning.

**I hope you liked the chapter and will hit that review button :) **


	20. Chapter 20

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) I do have to add that any big errors with this chapter is my fault completely. I couldn't quit adding or taking things out...**

**Chapter 20**

**Glow**

It wasn't Edward demanding to know what she was doing there, it wasn't him shoving her off of him in disgust, and it wasn't even him waking her gently that woke her up the next morning. It was a crying Tommy who woke them both out of their reverie. Her eyes opened slowly to reveal her most favorite green eyes looking back at her. He looked surprised but at least he wasn't angry. "Bella?" his voice was rough but he acted as if this was just a dream.

"Yeah," she whispered weakly. _Yeah? Seriously? That's the best you can do, Bella?_

He looked completely dumbstruck and he stood up after a few moments, setting her on the couch as he did so. "I need to get Tommy. Don't...just stay here. Okay?"

Bella nodded, really confused now. Apparently, the baby was staying here. Then, a moment of clarity hit. No wonder Jasper was back there in the bedroom. She didn't know if Edward had meant to stay there or to stay in the apartment as a whole but she decided to play it safe and planted herself firmly on the cushion that he'd set her on. About ten minutes later he returned with the infant and went to the kitchen to start boiling water, only turning to her when Tommy was calm and had a bottle in his mouth.

"Why are you here?"

"Tyler suggested I call you..."

"You leave without warning and then I wait almost two months for just a damn phone call and then you decide to just show up? On my lap of all places? Really?"

"I'm sorry..."

"You could have been dead. You could have been kidnapped...again. You could have been mugged. Do you have any idea what it's like to not know that a loved one is okay?"

"I did call. Yesterday. I called your cell and Emmett answered and told me about Ally."

"I don't need your pity."

"Sucks, doesn't it? That feeling that a person only cares about you because they feel bad for you? Doesn't it just make you sick?" She didn't sound accusatory, just sad.

"That is not the reason that I...care...for you. I'd give both of my nuts if it would change what happened to you. Hell, I'd give my life to know that no harm would ever come to you again."

Bella watched Tommy's little fingers grasp Edward's wrinkled shirt, there were tears in her eyes. "I realize now that it was wrong of me to leave. I was trying to help you...I'm not very loveable."

Wheeling a bassinet in from the closet by the kitchen, she watched him lay the baby down and walk over to sit beside her. "Alice isn't going to make it, Bella. My family has a really tough decision to make, my father won't speak to me, my mother won't speak to him, this baby has Jasper and me and that's it, Emmett and Rosalie are thinking of just eloping, and every God damn waking minute all I can think about is the fact that I miss you. Do you know how horrible that makes me?"

Bella slid closer to him as if it was an instinct. "I think it makes you human."

"You should go."

Feeling like all the air in the room was sucked out the window, she stood on shaking legs and nodded. "I shouldn't have come back. I'm sorry. I don't believe in God but I'll pray for Alice anyway, ya know, just in case."

She was all the way to the front door, which felt like a longer trip than the one she'd made from Washington, when she heard him. "It doesn't matter anymore. The decision was made last night. They're taking her off life support this afternoon. Jasper's there with her now...and my mom. That's why I have Tommy this morning. His mom's going to die today."

Immediately, tears sprung to Bella's eyes and she didn't even try to stop them from falling. Turning back to him, she walked over and grabbed his face, kissing his lips hard one last time. "I love you. I'm sorry about leaving...but I tried to warn you. I'm not someone you can love."

Bella sat at the bar of the North Pole, ripping up a napkin, with Tyler sipping a beer across from her. It was lunchtime and James came over, setting his phone in the middle of the table. "Emmett's going to call." She started to cry again and he put a hand on her shoulder. She may not have had the chance to get to know Edward's little sister but Alice had made a lasting impression. It was nearly one thirty before the phone began to buzz and Bella began to cry harder. In her heart of hearts, there was somewhere she knew she needed to be, and this was not it. "I'm going. I have to go..." Neither of the men said anything as she walked out the door.

The hospital was busy and so she was able to blend in well. Her heart rate was speeding and it was hard to believe that Alice had been awake the last time she was there, the last time Bella had been dressed for a funeral. Instead of going in, she sat outside, knowing full well that he might not want her there at all but knowing his car was a few feet away. If he wanted to leave and not acknowledge her, then so be it. At last she tried.

Not even three minutes after she sat down on a bench did she see Edward walk through the sliding doors. Running a shaking hand through his hair, he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and barely got it to his mouth due to the tremors running through his body. She stood and when he saw her, he nearly dropped the damn thing. He looked at her for a long time before tossing away his unsmoked cigarette and nodding for her to follow.

She sucked up her fear and followed him to the elevator. Stepping inside, the doors barely closed the whole way before he pulled the emergency stop button. She understood. This wasn't about talking, about apologies, or grief. The way he was looking at her now, screamed one thing. It was just sex. Knowing that he needed it more, she waited until he grabbed her and started the kiss. It felt so good she actually had tears spring to her eyes. A need was growing in her that she couldn't seem to contain. When she grabbed his jacket to pull him closer, he shook his heads, breaking the kiss in the process. "Not here. Not now. Security was probably signaled with the emergency button. I just...I needed that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay..."

"You're crying," he said with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"They're good tears. I'm just...I really missed you. I shouldn't be happy now because of Alice and..."

"Bella, it didn't happen. Mom just can't do it. She's still on support..." Feeling slightly dizzy again, she leaned against the wall and let her tears fall. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"Quit apologizing. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. Just...let me back in. We'll start off slow. God, I fucked up so, so bad."

Edward hit the button and they began to ascend. It wasn't until they were out of the elevator and near Alice's door that he stopped and turned to her. He looked at her for a good minute, long enough that he had to hold the door open to the elevator with his hand, before he gave her another sad smile. "How about we just start out as friends with benefits?"

Bella nodded with a smile but her smile soon faded as Esme came to stand behind Edward, her hands on her hips, looking right at her. She looked angry. "Edward, go see your sister."

"Mom, this is seriously not your concern."

Esme tilted her head up a little higher before sighing and dropping her arms. In a cold, hard tone, Esme bit out, "You're back."

Bella knew she wasn't talking about Edward's return from his would have been smoke break. "Yeah," she replied, noticing that Edward had taken her hand. "I heard about Alice and I wanted to be here for Edward."

As if Bella hadn't spoken, though Bella knew Esme had listened, Esme turned to her son. "I have to go find your damn father again. I swear to God..."

"Check the lobby downstairs. He was trying to tell me something when I went out for a cigarette. Uncle Pete's with him."

"Thanks," she said with a sigh and kissed him on the cheek.

"And mom?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not right to Jasper that we keep fucking around like this. It's one thing to give a shit about what dad thinks but it's another when it comes to Jazz. He really loves her."

Bella felt like she didn't belong at all in this conversation and she knew for a fact it was really not her business. Backing away, she ducked into the nearby waiting room and found Jasper sitting by himself with a baby carrier in front of him. He was staring down at Tommy and rocking in his seat. "Jasper?"

His head snapped up and she watched him wipe away his tears. Bella approached him and sat in the seat beside him. "I'm sorry about all of this. I mean, I don't know where I belong in this situation and I don't know any of you, except Edward, that well but I think you're a good person, Jasper...and this baby seems to adore you. I can't imagine how hard all of this is for you. I mean, if that were," Bella stopped herself before saying Edward's name and continued after a skipped beat. "...I don't know what I'd do. I mean, what do you think Alice would have wanted? What do you think should happen?"

Jasper sat up straight and then looked at her full on, shock written across his face. "I...I don't know. No one's asked me and I try not to think about it..."

'I'm sorry," Bella began but then stopped herself again. _Did he just say that? _"Wait. No one has even considered your opinion?"

"Esme sort of did but..." It was Jasper's turn to stop abruptly and start again. "God, Bella, please don't repeat this but what happened to Alice has already happened. I can't stop it. I couldn't. I wanted to more than anything and I wish everyday that I had been the one to leave the house first; that Ally would have been following me...but I can't undo it. Tommy's healthy, Bella. He's right here..."

Bella understood then. Jasper was wearing the same look that Charlie had given her a million times. "You're worried that once Ally is gone you'll lose him. You think Esme will keep him for good."

Jasper just ran his hands over his thighs and made a fist. "I can't lose them both..."

"Have you talked to Esme and Carlisle about this?"

Jasper scoffed. "You have no clue what it's been like lately with these guys. Carlisle and Esme are barely talking, Edward's not talking to Carlisle, Emmett's barely talking to either of them, Edward's ex showed up two weeks ago and put a good mind fuck on him, and I don't even know if Rose and Em are still even getting married let alone having a wedding."

"Edward's ex?"

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm rambling...I shouldn't have brought that up..."

"How 'showed up' is she? Is she still hanging around?"

"She's married to some surgeon who works here. She stops in now and then to check on 'us'. We all know what she really wants. She fucked Edward over by fucking that overpaid asshole and now she wants Edward to be her man on the side. That's all I got. Edward acts like I'm made a fucking glass so he doesn't talk to me too much about the shitty stuff anymore. Shit, I really need to stop staying stuff like that in front of the baby."

Bella sat back in her chair and rested her head on the white wall. "You really need to talk to Esme about Tommy. Hell, if things are as shitty as you say they are, maybe she'd like you being there to take him off of her hands once in a while."

After of moment of him staring ahead as if contemplating what she just said, he asked the million dollar question. "You sticking around?"

"I don't know. I just kind of feel like everything is..."

"Suspended?"

"Yeah, I guess that's a good way of putting it."

Edward noticed that Bella had ducked away and was fine with it. He was trying to get a point across to Esme and Bella did little more than fog up his brain. "Mom, you need to talk to him about Tommy. He deserves to see that kid as much as the rest of us...if not more. He was planning to raise him with Ally. It's what Ally_ wanted_."

"I'll deal with that after I find your father. The doctor wants to talk to us together."

"Alright. I'm going to get Bella and go visit with Alice."

"Well, you should know, Janie's here again. She's out by the nurse's station with Liz."

"Shit."

"Good luck. I suggest you keep your girls away from each other."

"Gee, thanks for the advice. It's not what you think, anyway. Janie isn't for me. I screwed up once, I won't do it again."

"Bella left once, you think she won't do that again?"

"Bella's different."

Esme just rolled her eyes and walked away. Edward listened as her heeled boots clicked down the hallway at a rapid rate. When the double doors closed behind him, he took a deep breath and decided to deal with Jane first. Rounding the corner by the nurse's station, Edward frowned when she came right over to him."

"I heard about your parents' decision..."

"Go home, Janie."

"Edward, come on..."

"Are you forgetting that your husband works two floors away? Jesus, Janie, you could be pregnant with yet another one of his kids as we speak and you want to...continue...with whatever it is you want from me? Save us both the trouble and go. I'm serious..."

"I think we're getting a divorce. Edward, it's bad. He's never home and..."

"Don't tell me. Really. You had me arrested for something I didn't do. My family actually believed you because of my past issues in school. I don't care if he's never around or even if he's fucking someone else. This can't work. If you want to visit with Alice, then so be it. Just stay the fuck away from me."

Once Edward was finished with his harsh whisper, he leaned away and turned to walk away when he saw Bella. She was about five feet away with her arms crossed and she was biting her lip. He could only imagine what was going through her head. He hoped she'd understand. He hoped she trusted him enough to listen. He hoped more than anything that she'd stay. Last night had been horrible and this morning he reacted in a way he would forever hate himself for. She was trying to give him a second chance and he was pushing her away more and more by the minute. He walked over to her then, taking her by the hand and kissing it. "I'm really glad you're here."

He never turned to look at Jane's face as she walked briskly past but he could hear her heels clicking on the hard floor. Instead, he watched Bella and knew that there was definite hostility between the two. Just as the heels were close enough for eye contact, Bella's eyes narrowed and she moved closer to him. He obliged her with a kiss, knowing it was what she needed. The heels clicked faster then.

"Bella, why don't we grab something to eat?"

The idea of food made her a little queasy and she shook her head. "I really just want to take a nap. You can stay and visit. I'm going to go get some sleep at Tyler's..."

She turned to leave and every panic alarm he had in his mind went off. Before he could even think, he pulled at her hand that he was still holding, keeping her from turning away and walking towards the doors. "No." Taking another deep breath, he risked bringing his hand up and tucking her hair behind her ear. "I wasn't thinking straight this morning. Please don't leave. I don't want you to leave."

"Edward, eventually I'll have to go back..."

"Then why are you here?" he asked, feeling rejected and frustrated-in more ways than one.

"I want to be here for you."

"You are..."

"But I can't stay forever, Edward. My mom and dad are probably already wondering when I'll be coming home."

At the mention of her parents, Edward looked at his shoes. Guilt tore through him as he thought of Bella at home, sitting down to a family meal, making plans with her mother to go shopping or being teased jokingly by her father as they watched something on TV together. This fragile, broken girl was a little more righted than when he saw her last. The doe-eyed fear was gone and in its place was hope. He'd be lying if he said she was fine over what happened to her. He knew that deep down she would never lose that fear but she definitely seemed happier now. _Who the hell are you to take that from her?_

"Alright. Go ahead and...maybe...if you're up for it later...we can grab supper..."

He watched her nibble on her lip again and then saw a small smile cross her face. "Yeah. I really liked the Chinese place. Do you think it would be okay to go there?"

"Sure. I might have Tommy but he's typically good with that kind of stuff. He's a good baby."

"I'll meet you at your place at 6. Sound good?"

He nodded and without thinking gave her a quick kiss. "Perfect."

She didn't seem shocked but she definitely bolted afterwards. Edward frowned as she walked with haste towards the double doors and barreled through them. He was just thinking of how she looked with pink cheeks and a little more weight than before she left for Washington when he saw his father approach him. "We need to sit down and talk."

Pissed off with the selfish father in front of him and even more pissed that his thoughts of Bella had been interrupted, he sighed. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Then don't. I just need you to shut up and listen."

Edward hid his smirk as he followed Carlisle to a bench a few feet away. That was his father, always knowing the right thing to say. Once seated, Carlisle adjusted his jacket and said, "Your mother is threatening to chop off my balls if I don't apologize to you. The issue is I'm still confused about what the hell I need to apologize for. Edward, you and I both know that I would never even consider running girls. If Laurent is doing that on the side then he will have to atone for what he's done but I can't be the man to bring him down. This family has been through far too much lately and me getting my ass killed to save one girl who might not even be forced into that shit is not going to be the reason for it happening."

Edward's tolerance for his father was shortening even more. _If there had been just one person willing to risk their life for Bella, maybe it wouldn't have gone on for two damn years... _"You can't just not do anything!" _Can he be this much of a selfish bastard?_

"I did do something. Dammit, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I could have run to his territory, guns blazing and demand he let the girl he was with alone but that would have gotten me nowhere and you and I both know that. I went to the police."

Edward was blown away by this. The reason his father even knew Laurent was because of the drug business. "They didn't find it suspicious that you would so freely come out with this information, that you even knew about it?"

"I'm done with the drugs. I'm sticking strictly to running the club. Your mom wants to be a little more involved so that we can be in this together. She didn't really give me a choice..."

"Good for her," shrugged Edward.

"Yeah. I handled everything that's been going on badly. There's no excuse for it but I'm going to try to help out more with my grandson. I put too much on you and your mother. Emmett still won't even talk to me."

"Well, I guess I should say thank you for doing the right thing about Laurent. You have no idea how badly they can ruin someone who's innocent. As for apologizing, we both know I'm not going to give you that benefit. I will forgive you, though. Just promise me you won't fuck things up again. My mom and Tommy both need you and Emmett will come around. He always does."

"I saw that Bella was back. She looks good...different. I don't know, I guess healthier."

Edward let himself smile. He wasn't the only one that noticed how much better she looked. There really was a certain glow to her. She was starting to heal and he'd do anything to make sure it stayed that way. "Yeah, she's back. I don't know for how long. She went home for a while and whatever she found there helped her immensely. I'm just glad she came back to check up on Alice."

**So, they have been reunited! It's hard to blame the guy for being upset with her, she really hurt him when she left. Please review and let me know what you think! I updated a day early ;) **


	21. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 21**

**Bit By the Bug**

"Ty, I told you a thousand times, I'm not going to the doctor. I don't like the doctors. Leave it alone."

"You don't look well. You literally look green. They could maybe give you something to help you kick this flu bug..."

"I don't have insurance," Bella reminded him from her comfy spot she'd found on his couch.

"Well, let's at least go down to the pharmacy and get you something over the counter."

Rolling her eyes and just wanting to melt into the soft cushion she was on, she nodded. "Fine. Then will you let me get some sleep? I'm meeting with Edward tonight for dinner."

"See? Another reason you should go to the doctor. You're going to infect him and his loved ones. His sister is already in the hospital..."

Bella wondered what would happen to someone who was in a coma if they ended up with the flu. It couldn't be good. Tyler did have a point. She could even end up getting Tommy sick. Judging from Edward's own exhausted looks, the last thing he needed was a sick baby to help care for. "Fine. We'll go get the damn flu meds and then I'll cancel on him and sleep the night away. Deal?"

"Deal."

The call to Edward that she couldn't make it to dinner really shook her up. She hated that his disappointment hurt her so badly. Just when she went to hang up, he had told her to wait and explained that he wouldn't have Tommy, asking if she'd just stop by the apartment. With the promise of him making her homemade chicken noodle soup, she agreed with a sigh. Tyler just watched, shaking his head.

"What?" Bella asked as soon as she handed the phone back to Tyler.

He just smirked and shook his head. "Someone's got it bad..."

"I do not..."

"What did he say?"

"That he wanted me to come by and he'd make me chicken noodle soup," Bella said cockily, proud of finding a gentleman.

"Fine. _He's_ got it bad, then."

"Shut up," she laughed, throwing a pillow from the sofa at him.

"James and I are going over to the club to open. You gonna be okay here for awhile?"

"Yeah. This means a lot to me, Ty."

He stood and walked towards the stairs that led to his bedroom but not before giving her shoulder a little shake as he walked past. "It's good having you here, Bella. It's been...lonely...since mom passed away."

"It's good to be here. I owe you so much..."

"No, you don't. Enjoy time with your boy tonight. You both deserve it."

Bella smiled again, feeling tears prickle in her eyes. The Bella she used to be would never have cried at something like this. Edward had changed her. "I'm going to take a nap. I'll see you later tonight."

"I won't wait up!" he called as he headed upstairs.

Bella pulled at the jeans she had on and readjusted her top as she waited for Edward to answer the door; for the first time in years, she actually didn't look like a total skeleton. When the door finally opened to reveal Edward holding a cooing baby, Bella frowned and stepped back a little. "I'm sorry," Edward responded quickly, though his eyes were on her chest. "Jazz is on his way to get him. He got caught up at the hospital."

To Bella's surprise, the baby seemed to be smiling at her from his place in his uncle's arms. Then again, she knew she'd be smiling to if that's where _she _was at the moment. "I really don't want to get either of you sick..."

"Bells, shut up and come inside. I have the soup started and..." Edward's cell began to ring on the counter, cutting him off. With a sigh, he shook his head and grabbed it. "Hello?"

Bella listened as he seemed to become more and more disappointed, it was part of the reason why she stepped inside and closed the door. After saying goodbye to whoever was on the phone, he turned to her again. "They're waiting for the doctor. He's going to be at least another half hour or so. Look, you've said you've been sick for a while and no one else has gotten it. I'm sure you're fine to be around us."

She nodded in reluctant agreement and he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, actually. I think I just needed some rest after that trip."

"I'm sorry. You must have been uncomfortable last night," Edward frowned, grabbing a bottle off the counter and checking the temperature before offering it to Tommy.

"Actually," she blushed, "I slept better last night than I have in months."

He looked to be a little pleased with that fact and she caught him glancing down at her chest again as she leaned against the counter. "So...um...how long are you here for?"

"I don't know. I think Tyler likes having someone else around after losing his mom and I want to be here...for you."

"Once Jasper gets here, we really need to sit down and talk..."

"I know," Bella nodded as Tommy began to cry, coughing on the milk as he did so.

Edward laid him upwards against his chest and began to pat his back, rocking gently. Just as the baby calmed down, the little guy spit up all over Edward's shirt. At first, no one moved-not even Tommy who seemed to be just as much in shock, but when Edward turned to head back to the bedroom, the baby began cooing happily again. It was actually rather funny and Bella found herself cracking up with laughter at Edward's frustrated face. He eventually smiled and then continued on his path to get cleaned up.

About twenty minutes later, Edward laid the baby down on a blanket and plopped down beside Bella. Without thinking, she found her hand in his. The TV was on but the only thing they were paying attention to was the cheerful baby in front of them. "He's so happy."

"He takes after his mother," smiled Edward.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

He shook his head, "No. Not really. I guess I just kind of know that I don't have a choice."

"Is Jane... Are you two..."

"No. She's been hanging around the hospital but that's it. I don't want anything to do with her."

"Emmett said that you weren't seeing anyone."

"I don't really know how the hell he'd know that. We're barely talking to each other. None of us are really talking to each other. I'm not, though. I'm still not over..."

As if he'd heard them talking about him, a knock sounded on the door and the knob turned. "Hello?" a voice bellowed loudly, causing Bella to panic even more. Before she knew what she was doing, she grabbed the baby off the floor and hugged him to her, walking towards the opposite side of the room and only then turning to see who it was. Of course, it was just Emmett.

Turning back towards the wall that was behind her, she rocked the surprised baby before he could really start to wail and she felt tears slide down her face. It felt so good to hold him, to feel his smooth skin and his peach fuzz hair. She had no idea how long she was standing there but eventually, she jumped when someone touched her shoulder. Spinning around, she looked away from Tommy and came face to face with Edward. "Calm down. I know Em can be a dick sometimes but he's harmless."

Bella glanced over at the door, which was now closed. Embarrassed, she asked, "Did he leave?"

"Yeah..."

A sick feeling settled in her stomach. Emmett may be harmless but anyone could have walked in. "I didn't lock the door. How could I have not locked the door?"

"Bells, you're safe here..."

Frustrated with herself, she pursed her lips and tried to control her shaking, not wanting to scare Tommy. "You do this to me. You make me forget things like locking doors and paying attention to things around me..."

"That doesn't mean you're not safe," Edward argued gently. "Have you ever gotten hurt when you've been around me?"

"No..."

"Then just trust that you won't get hurt. I locked the door after Emmett left, the soup is ready, and Jazz is on his way now..."

"But?" Bella felt like there should be something bad following that up. Of course there was.

"Mom and dad got into it at the hospital. Emmett stopped by to give me the play by play. I guess he's talking to me again..."

Bella was surprised by how annoyed Edward seemed to be. "He's probably really upset, too. Maybe he just wanted someone to talk to."

"Maybe. Anyway, Jasper was supposed to take Tommy over there but he doesn't think it's a good idea now..."

"Edward, I can come back tomorrow..." Bella said gently, realizing why he was so agitated. For the first time since coming back, she truly felt that he really had missed her. He seemed extremely anxious to spend some alone time with her. Then she realized it was probably more that he wanted sex. She didn't know how to feel about that.

Edward frowned but eventually nodded. "At least stay for dinner. Jasper can join us if he wants. I'll even send some back with you for Tyler."

Bella stepped forward to kiss him chastely. "That sounds wonderful."

"He's sleeping," smiled Edward, looking down at her chest again. This time, it wasn't because of her cleavage, it was because of Tommy.

"You better take him before he gets my germs..."

"I really think you should see a doctor."

"It's just a bug of some sort. Really. It's just kind of lingering."

"You're scared and I understand that but what if there's something really wrong? Not all doctors are bad people. You handled the hospital rather well."

"No," she demanded, crossing her arms.

"Alright, I'll drop it. Just know that if you don't feel comfortable taking me with you for whatever reason, I know that Liz would take you. She's been asking about you. Perhaps we should visit with her soon."

"I'd like to visit her as well," Bella nodded, ignoring the rest of what he'd just said.

Dinner went well and Jasper did eventually show up. Bella couldn't believe how bad he looked. A part of him was dying as well. The three ate in near silence, only discussing Tommy briefly. The little guy fell asleep around nine and Jasper didn't make it much longer. Settling in with the expectations of watching some show with Edward, she had developed a liking for game shows; Bella got herself comfortable and waited. Eventually, he joined her but not before taking the remote and turning the TV off altogether. She knew what he wanted. It could be seen in his eyes.

"We aren't doing this here; not with Jasper close by and sure as hell not with Tommy," Bella blushed.

"Do you trust me?" Biting her lip, she let out a deep breath before nodding her head. "Get your shoes and coat on."

"Edward..." she hesitated, automatically wondering where he was planning to take her.

"You said you trust me."

Unable to respond, she pulled herself up and slid on her shoes and coat as he had asked. He grabbed the keys off of the counter and opened the door for her. "After you."

Bella walked closely behind him, noting that they weren't taking the elevator and when they hit the stairs, she realized with even more confusion that they were going up. _Trust him. You know you can. Prove it._ Regardless of how scared she was beginning to feel, she breathed the cool air into her lungs and it felt like magic. They were on the rooftop overlooking the city. Glancing around for a blanket he had thought to have handy or even a chair to sit down on, she found none and looked to him questioningly.

He didn't lead her to some grand set up where they could make love comfortably. He didn't pull her in for a kiss and take her breath away. Instead, he walked over to the cement wall that protected clumsy folks like her from falling to their death and leaned against it. "Things have been shit without you."

Bella was taken aback at first but nodded her head and walked over to him. She knew that the future of their relationship relied on him. "Where do we go from here?"

"Where do _you _go from here?"

His tone was sharp. Cringing, she bit her lip and asked quietly, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on, Bella. You left once without giving me a warning..."

"You gave me courage, Edward. I've been nothing but a coward; that's still all I am. My being back here proves that. I saw that I had the ability to leave, really leave, and I had to do it to prove that I could."

"Do you regret that?" Edward asked, eyes narrowing.

"No," she answered without hesitation. "I love my family. They aren't the ones who've done this to me."

"So that makes me the friend with benefits, right?"

"Get off of it, Edward. I came back because Emmett was truly worried about you and I needed to see that you were okay."

"And I didn't? Christ, Bella! You could have been dead for weeks and no one would even know to call me. You just up and left. No call, no..."

"I did call!"

"After Tyler asked you to. So, again, when are you leaving? I'm not doing this again, Bells." Her heart sank but it wasn't like she hadn't expected this reaction. She was more than frustrated with herself and she needed to let him know how she truly felt. She was terrified of the rejection. She was terrified of not knowing what was going to happen. Even if she did stay, how would things end up?

"Do you want to know something? I fucking tried to stay away. I love your family. I love that Alice loves you so much, I love that Emmett and Rosalie are considerate enough to put their wedding aside for the good of everyone, I even love that your mother can be an over-protective bitch and that your father is doing what he can to keep everyone afloat. I love them all. I'm here because you need me and a small part of me feels like maybe in some way, I can help be there for them, too."

"What about me, Bella? Do you love me?"

Bella knew the answer and she knew he knew it too. In fact, it pissed her off that he was forcing her to say it, like he truly didn't think that she did. She didn't feel like she was ready, not after walking out on him, it was all wrong this way. She didn't want this to be how she told him for the first time after being back. Then again, she didn't know when it would ever be appropriate to say it to him. She didn't deserve him. She opened her mouth to say it, though, when he interrupted her.

"Go back to your family. This is done." He shook his head and looked up to the sky.

She called his bluff. "No it isn't. I'm not leaving you! I can't leave you like this!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you!"

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them but she had a lot of trouble regretting them as Edward stalked over and grabbed her face, practically bruising her lips from the force. The kiss seemed to go on forever and for however long they stood there, the world fell away. There were no crazy exes, no bastards hunting her, no family for her to return to, no dying sisters, no motherless children, just him and her and the cold air that she could barely feel.

Shoving him back after a long while, she pulled her coat off and soon it was joined at their feet by her shirt. Sliding his pants down and freeing his cock, Edward then undid her belt buckle and pulled her pants to her ankles. Seconds later, the kiss was restarted and her legs were wrapped around his waist as he pounded into her, holding her up against the little shed beside them and sucking her neck. It took only what felt like an instant before she felt herself clamp down on him in release, arching her back and crying out. A shudder ran through her as she felt him come deep inside of her and only when she felt him begin to soften did he pull out.

"I fucking need you," he whispered, resting his head against hers as he held her tightly to himself.

"I'm right here. I promise."

**I'm still not getting very many reviews but I deeply love and appreciate those of you that do! It was brought to my attention that I may get more if I enable the anonymous reviews. So I have. Please, though, be a little gentle if you have something negative to say. There's a line between constructive criticism and just being mean. I hope this get the story some more feedback because I work really hard on this story and it would mean the world to me :) The next chapter will jump a head a few days and we'll see things start to progress a little more! Please review! LP xx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 22**

**Going the Distance**

Edward looked anxiously at the box in front of him. Bella was going to react either one of two ways. Either he was going to be cursed out and she'd accept or she wouldn't accept it at all, cursing or no cursing. Tearing his gaze away from the ominous box, he looked at the time and pulled out of his parking spot. Bella was waiting for him to take her to the airport and she would miss her flight if he didn't get there soon. Pulling up in front of Tyler's, he slid the box under the seat and nervously tapped the steering wheel. Finally emerging from the house, she waved to him and skipped down the stairs. He opened the car door for her and then went to the back to help Tyler load her luggage into the trunk.

"So, two weeks. Well, unless something happens with Ally. Can we handle two weeks?" Edward could tell Bella was nervous by the anxious tone in her voice as she said this.

"Bella, if we can't make it two, there isn't much hope."

He looked over to see her frowning. "What's the point then?" she asked quietly.

"Hey, don't be like that. I know we can do it. Maybe after things are...figured out...with Ally, I can come visit you. Meet your parents..."

"My dad's pretty intimidating."

"I think I'm willing to risk it. Your mom sounds nice and I'd love to see where you grew up."

"Tommy will be three months old when I get back here. That sounds like forever in baby years..."

"I think he's taken quite a liking to you."

"I think what your mom is doing with Jasper and Tommy is great. He deserves to be able to be with him. He loves Tommy. I mean, I know it might not be permanent but at least she's letting them be together now."

"I agree but enough about everyone else."

Edward pulled into the airport drop-off to hand out the luggage to a man who tagged it and set it on a dolly. Together, they proceeded to the main parking lot and he reached over to take her hand. "So, no more friends with benefits? Now we're just..."

"A long distance relationship," Bella finished for him with a nod.

"Well, I have something to give you, if you'll take it. I didn't want to go too overboard because I know that's not how you are and you'd be more likely to say no..."

Bella's eyes widened as Edward reached down and pulled out the box. Suddenly, she let out a loud breath and brought her hand to her chest. "Jesus, Edward, I thought you were proposing..."

"What? No! It's a phone! See? It's just a cell phone..."

Bella began to laugh hard and clutch her stomach. "I'm sorry. The way you were talking like you were nervous and...I'm sorry. Really. So, a phone, huh?"

"This way I can get a hold of you and you can get a hold of me. You'll have to charge it, though. I didn't get time to pick it up until today or else it would have been ready to go."

"Thank you," she said earnestly, smiling at him.

"I better be the first call you make. Or even text. I'd settle with a text..."

To his complete surprise, Bella grabbed his jacket and pulled him towards her. Their lips met but before he could deepen the kiss, she pulled back. "I love it."

"I love you," he replied. Her hand snaked around his waist and she stood on her tiptoes to whisper that she loved him, too. Edward felt happy. It felt so good to feel this way. They made their way to her platform with him giving her small kisses on the cheek and promises that he'd call her with any changes in Alice's condition. She tightened her grip on his hand and he knew then that she was starting to get upset. "It's only two weeks. I'll be right here waiting for you in two weeks. I promise."

"I know. God, I survived on my own for so long and now I can't even sleep when you aren't in bed with me," she said with a small smile as she wiped a tear away.

"Bella, you'll be with your parents. You'll be safe. I know the nightmares are horrible and no one can protect you from them but you can't just never go back to see your mom and dad."

"You keep them away," Bella remind him, kissing his cheek again.

He felt completely defeated then. If it wasn't for Alice's situation and the fact that he couldn't trust his father to be there to hold things together, he would be boarding that plane with her. Hell, he would have flown out to track her down when she left the first time. They both knew there was nothing either of them could say. The situation was just how it had to be and they had to learn to cope.

In a way, the fact that she had survived for so long on her own gave him hope that she could be okay without him. Of course he didn't want her to have to be but he needed to know she would be okay if something were to happen. He learned a tough, difficult lesson from the situation with Alice. Nothing was guaranteed. Now, as much as he liked the fact that she needed him, he felt that she needed this time away to realize she could do it on her own. He felt completely torn.

Edward watched her turn one more time to blow him a quick kiss before stepping through to board the plane. It was going to be a long two weeks. It physically hurt to watch her walk away from him, knowing that she'd be hours away from him. He had business to take care of that he'd let go for far too long, though. Bella had stayed for barely a week and he wasn't going to miss any more time with her than he absolutely had to. Thankfully, whatever was making her sick seemed to be gone after a few days and they'd spent the days afterward spending some private time together, visiting Alice, taking care of Tommy, and visiting with Tyler. The two had even gone together for a lunch date with Jacob.

Every night, Bella would use his cell to call Renee while he cooked them dinner. One particular night, she had been rocking Tommy back in the bedroom while having her daily conversation with Renee. He'd gone back to tell her dinner was ready and heard her talking about the baby like he was a god to her. It broke Edward's heart as he overheard her saying that it wasn't going to happen, that she wasn't meant to have a baby of her own. He knew it was an absolute lie. His girl was born with a maternal instinct that rivaled any woman he'd ever known. For this, he hated those men, the ones who had hurt her, more than anything. They stole everything from her.

Pulling up in front of his father's club, he noticed something wasn't quite right. One of the windows was broken towards the back where the employee exit was. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed the small handgun he kept in his glove box and stepped out of the car, tucking it into the back of his belt. He'd gotten the shiny, silver gun a few days after Bella had left the first time. A run-in he had with his father's 'friends' before he and his father quit talking had really gotten to him. On a regular run, some young kid pulled a gun on him. He let the kid take merchandise without making him hand over any money. He wasn't going to die over some junkie kid's habit, regardless of who would have to pay.

Walking cautiously towards the back door, he listened and watched for signs of trouble. There was nothing but pieces of glass on the floor that would even hint something bad had gone down. Relaxing, he nodded briefly to one of his father's security guards and headed back to the office. It was mess. His father stood, leaning against a filing cabinet with a glass of amber liquid in his hand. The desk was flipped, the desk chair was broken, and there were papers covering the floor. "Jesus, what the hell happened?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if I could talk you into coming dinner at mom's tonight. Every one of us has shit we need to air out. If you haven't noticed, this family is fucking falling apart."

Carlisle just snorted, gesturing to the shambles that his office now was. "I've noticed."

"Look, we could end up screaming and yelling at each other or we could at least all try to come to some sort of understanding. Either way, I don't see how we could end up much worse. I have an idea that I want us all to discuss, maybe it's what we need to get back onto the same team. All of us."

"What's the plan?"

"I want to do a benefit. Either here or at Twilight Moon."

"Who gets the proceeds?" Carlisle asked, downing the rest of his glass and setting it on top of the cabinet.

"An agency that helps abused women. It's not what I originally wanted to do but Bella refused plan A. She says it would have drawn too much attention to her unique situation, her words, not mine."

Carlisle nodded, knowing exactly what the original idea had been. "She's right, ya know? So were you."

"About?"

"Laurent and that girl. You were right. Bella's telling the truth when she says it's too risky to draw that kind of attention towards any of us. It's best to donate to that cause under the radar."

"So, you'll be at dinner?"

"Yeah. I'm going home after I get this shit cleaned up anyway. Sunday dinner sounds like a good idea."

"See you at six then?"

"Yeah. Where are you headed?"

"Emmett's. He can even be more stubborn than you about some things. This is going to be one of them."

Edward carried Tommy into his parent's house and was pleased when Rosalie came out to greet him, holding her arms out to take the baby. He kissed her cheek and nodded at his brother before going back out to the car to grab the salad dressing that he'd made and the bag of corn his mom had requested. To his surprise, Emmett was standing on the porch waiting for him to come back. "Where's Bella?"

"She flew home to Washington. She should be there soon. Why?"

"Janie stopped by to talk to you earlier today. It was almost right after you left. She didn't believe me when I said I didn't know if you were seeing Bella still. I honestly didn't know..."

"What did she say?"

"Just that she wanted to talk to you about things. Did you know she's getting a divorce?"

"I couldn't care less. I left her for a reason...remember...she threw my ass in jail?"

"Well, speaking of, guess who else stopped by a few days ago? Tanya."

"And?" Edward felt like he was being interrogated. Tommy needed a bottle and he had the diaper bag with him.

"Apparently some big shithead's been scoping out the North Pole. Tanya overheard the owner talking about it. She wanted to know if Bella had noticed it, she's wondering if that's why Bella left a few months ago."

Edward felt sick. Deep down, though, he had high doubts the man was solely after Bella, he probably didn't realize her significance at all. Still, it didn't sit well with him."That's not why but keep me updated, alright? Did James, the owner, do anything about it?"

"She didn't say."

"I'll give him a call. Come on, before mom has our balls for keeping Tommy's bag hostage from her. Oh, and when dad gets here, don't fucking kill each other. Mom just got a new table cloth."

Once the whole family was sitting down to eat, four of them began to say something but it was Esme who got the floor. "Carlisle, would you please say grace?" she asked, making it known that he didn't have a choice.

Edward, as well as at least three others, raised his eyebrow and even received a puzzled look from Jasper. Jasper had been having family meals with them for years and never had they prayed before eating. This was new. When Carlisle didn't respond right away, his mom let out a loud sigh. "Dammit, everyone, Ally is in the hospital. She's not here with us. Say the damn prayer."

Edward knew immediately that this wasn't good. His mother had always had an edge to her but it had never been this sharp. He listened as his father flatly recited a prayer Edward remembered from his childhood when he'd visit with his grandparents. He bowed his head and added a quick prayer for Bella as well. His mother cleared her throat and that got his attention then. "Emmett, you start. What did you want to say?"

"Rosalie and I have found a house to buy and we're going to go for it. We're still not going through with the wedding until things are settled with Alice but we can't put our life on hold forever."

Edward watched his big brother tear up. That was difficult to see. Esme just nodded and reached over to pat his hand. Carlisle didn't say anything but he didn't argue it so everyone took that as a positive response. "Edward?" Esme asked next.

"I know we haven't had a benefit at either club in a while. Alice wouldn't want this...whatever 'this' is that's happening to us. She was always so positive... Anyway, I want to have a benefit to raise money for abused women. I don't know which agency to choose but I want to at least throw the idea out there."

"Abused women?" Esme asked, obviously curious.

"Yeah," Edward nodded. "It's something that recently became close to me and I think it's a good idea."

"I think we can plan something," Emmett nodded, seeming a little excited.

"I'll try to do some research," Rosalie spoke up. "I can get some ideas for non-profits to give the money to."

"When do you want to have it?" Carlisle asked.

"I was thinking maybe the first week in December but I'll let you know soon. I want to make sure Bella's here."

"I just don't understand how this is going to work," Charlie put in at dinner the night after Bella arrived back in Washington.

"It's going to work just like this," Bella sighed, exasperated with her father.

"What? One week there, two weeks here, etc etc?"

"Dad, you have to get over this..."

"Charlie, leave her alone!" Bella flinched at Renee's tone as she slammed her fork down and breathed out a deep breath to calm herself down. "She's here. She loves this man and she is still subjecting herself to being away from him for us. She missed us. I swear to God if you push her away from us permanently, I'm going with her. So keep it up buddy and we're both gone."

It was Charlie's turn to set down his fork and because they both had, Bella dropped hers, feeling awkward that she still had one. Charlie leaned forward a little. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to run away and get hurt."

"I won't, dad."

"Well, I want to meet this guy. What did you say his name was?"

"Edward."

"How old is he? Isn't that an old man's name?" he asked and Bella could tell that no matter what, her father would find some reason to dislike him.

"He's twenty-six and the name was his grandfather's. Just like you were named after grandpa, dad," Bella gave him a smile and picked up her fork. Soon, they were all eating peacefully again.

Ten minutes later, her mom brought out her favorite dessert, chocolate pie. "Mom, this is the last thing I need to eat right now."

"Oh hush, it's healthy weight, Bells. You are still too thin..." With a sigh, she took the piece her mother had cut for her and took a bite. It was so good and it had been so long since she had it that she actually teared up a little. Her mom turned to her again, "So, any new updates on Alice?"

Bella had to smile at that. Her mom never even met Alice yet she was asked about so frequently it was as if she was just another part of their family. "No."

"Do they think she'll come out of the coma?"

Swallowing hard, she found the pie not as delicious as before, it actually hurt going down her throat was so constricted. Edward had been on the phone with her for the past two nights practically in tears over the situation. Hearing Edward, who was always so damn tough, nearly breakdown every night was practically killing her. "She's not in a coma," Bella whispered quietly. "Edward says that she's considered brain dead."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No. If you're brain dead, there really isn't any coming back from it. Edward and his dad both have been fighting with his mom to get her to take Alice off of life support. It was supposed to happen the last time I was there and they stopped it."

"Well, I for one would never want to have to make that decision. I know how it feels to lose my daughter, Bella. I was just blessed enough to get you back."

"I know," Bella replied, sliding her now empty plate away and standing up. Before helping her mom clear the table, she hugged her and then her dad. "I love you both. I'm sorry I stayed away for so long. I just...there was a lot going on."

"Now, sit back down. We have something to talk to you about." Once she was seated, Renee continued, "You went back to visit and that's a good thing but we also talked about getting you help."

"You don't understand. Edward's family member is a psychiatrist. I've been talking to his Aunt Liz for a while now and since I went to visit this past time, I started talking to her again. We even talk on the phone some nights before I call Edward. I can't just go to anyone. I trust her."

Bella watched as her parents looked at each other for a while, conferring quietly the way that only parents could. So, Liz wasn't a psychiatrist...she only bent the truth a little. "Alright. Okay. We'll see if that helps over time. I know you're upset about Alice and Edward and what's going on with their family. I don't want to upset you more."

"Thank you."

"I'd really like to meet them, though," Charlie spoke up for the first time in a while.

"All of them?" Bella asked in shock.

"All of them," he confirmed.

Bella became quiet as her mother began to talk about something completely unrelated involving the chocolate pie. Carlisle Cullen was no doubt involved in illegal happenings at the club; her father was a police officer. Bella watched her father stand up from the table and head for the living room, guilt racked her as she thought of what he'd given up to look for her. He was chief of police when everything had gone horribly wrong and he stepped down in order to have more time. He'd done that for her. Liz had been right. She never should have stayed away from her parents for so long. She was selfish.

Now, though, she would have to call Edward and discuss arranging a family meeting. It was the last thing he needed to stress about with everything happening with Alice and she figured it could wait at least a few more trips. If she talked it over with her mom, they could convince her dad together to hold off. Looking back at the clock, she determined it was late enough to text Edward; she tried to not bother him during the day. Otherwise, she'd never stop. **Hey, how's the apartment?**

He knew she wasn't just talking about the apartment. Seconds later, a reply came back. **Lonely. How many more days? Tommy is missing you.**

After hugging herself in glee like a teenage girl, she smiled and replied. **Too many. Don't count or ****you'll make yourself sad. How is the little one? I miss him!**

**Are we still talking about Tommy?**

**Perv.**

**Ouch. BTW, he's fine. **

**Good to hear. He needs to be good for when my parents come to visit. oO**

Bella waited for a quick reply back and felt rather disappointed that there wasn't one. This wasn't good. She was behind on texting etiquette and didn't know what was appropriate news to break over a text. She knew she screwed up. Soon, there was an incoming call and Bella wasn't dumb enough to think it wasn't him. "Your parents?"

"I'd much rather hear your voice than send you stupid words..."

"Don't change the subject. Are they really coming here?"

"My dad wants to meet you."

"Why don't I come there?"

"I'd like that but..."

"But what? Bella, what's going on?"

"He wants to meet all of you."

"Oh, Lord. I'm going to have to hire actors, aren't I?"

"Your family isn't that bad. It'll be a quick visit. Don't stress about this. I'm going to see if mom and I can talk him into waiting a few more trips."

"So, there will _be _more trips?" Edward asked, knowing damn well there were more trips out there to come.

"I think so," Bella said playfully. "I can't wait to see you. I was missing you and replaying our little tryst by the dumpster in my head _again_ today..."

"Well, in that case, is your bedroom door locked?" he asked, his voice husky.

Bella didn't even have to glance over to know it was. Her windows were shut tight as well and part of her dresser was pushed against the door. No one was bothering her. "Yup."

She could almost hear his smirk through the phone, then his velvet soft voice came across. "What are you wearing, baby?"

"Um...a thermal shirt and pink pajama bottoms," she said matter-of-factly. "Why?"

Edward just chuckled. "I'm not wearing anything."

Bella's realized she was beginning to drool a little. "Edward, I miss you. I don't know if I can do this. You're so far away..."

"No. Bella, I'm...trying for...you've obviously never done the phone sex thing, huh?"

"Oh. No. I guess not..."

"Slip off the clothes and then close your eyes and listen to my voice."

Bella did as she was told and then climbed, feeling chilled, under the covers. Thinking about him naked compelled her to squeak out that she was ready. It took him saying three sentences before she warmed up to the idea and brought her hand down to give herself some relief. It only took four sentences more from each of them before she was falling apart. _What is it about this man? He's so far away and yet he melts me every time. _

After they were both done with their fun and finished with reassuring each other, Edward did something that surprised her. He sang. She hadn't heard him sing since the one night at Twilight Moon when she hadn't even known that Edward's family owned it. It was the night she showed up with Jacob and had been completely surprised by Edward's voice. He sang her a song she had never heard of before but it was amazing and it warmed her.

By now, she had set the phone down to slip on her clothes and then crawled back under the covers. She was just curling up into a ball when he began to sing and she felt herself smiling. When she was warm and comfortable and completely falling in love with him all over again, he stopped singing and told her he loved her. She whispered the same thing back to him and reluctantly hung up. There would be no nightmares.

**WOW! I went from a chapter with 6 reviews to a chapter with over 20. This is what I needed and I love you all dearly for hearing my pleas and responding! I've responded back to each of you, unless you have the p/m's disabled or were anonymous. So, to those people, thank you so, so much and please keep it up! I hope you all liked the chapter and will review like last time! (For those of you just tuning in, I've enabled anonymous reviews so anyone can do it!) **

**Also, there is a contest which I've entered that is accepting entries still and some of the entries are posted for it. Please check it out if interested, the concept is really good! Otherwise, check out the stories and let us contestants know what you think! http:/ www. /u/ 3644034/HopeSpringsEternalContest (remove spaces) Also, you can find it under my favorite authors. I thank you all so much for the support!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 23**

**Breaking the Ties that Bind**

Bella bounced on the balls of her feet as she tried desperately to see over top of the people standing in line in front of her. She had been there for almost a half hour to check her bags in at the airport and her mom was talking away to the happy, middle aged woman behind them. She tried to remind herself that getting through security faster wouldn't make the plane take off any sooner. Still, she was almost crazy with excitement over getting to see Edward.

So far, the long distance relationship was working out and she knew it would make for an even more exciting reunion. The late night phone calls just weren't enough to satiate her. She wanted him. She needed this. When it was finally her turn to step up to the employee behind the desk, she practically flung herself at them and leaned against the counter. Handing the man her flight information, she grinned cheerfully and grabbed the packet he was holding out to her. Practically running, she had to remind herself that her mom was right there. Instead of Renee going through security with her, she kissed her cheek and gave her a tight hug. Bella promised to call when she landed.

The plane ride was slow to start as there was a storm coming in. Thanksgiving was only two weeks away and it was definitely starting to look like a typical November outside. Snow was falling hard and if they didn't leave soon, she was going to leave the plane and walk to him. Never had she wished for the chance to teleport herself but now she was cursing inventors everywhere for not coming up with it sooner. It would definitely come in handy. When they finally took off, she braced herself for it and tried to enjoy the feeling. Edward. She was going to see Edward and everything else could wait.

As promised, Edward was standing in their decided location and bouncing the smiling baby a little. They were both beaming when she stepped into Edward's view and he secured the diaper bag on his arm a little better before meeting her in the middle. Regardless of Tommy, Edward bowed his head and practically smashed his lips into hers. "I've missed you."

"I know. I missed you, too."

"I brought what you asked for."

Bella stepped back a little and smiled. "I can't believe how big he's getting..."

"Jazz wants him back in a couple hours. He'd be here now but he's moving into a new apartment as we speak."

"So, tonight, no baby or Jasper?" Bella asked, reaching her arms out to pick up the infant.

"Nope. Just you, me, and a nice big bed..."

"Mmm...a girl could get used to that..."

The three of them went to a restaurant and Bella surprised herself by downing her food a hell of a lot quicker than Edward. She finally had her appetite back and she couldn't deny that she was starting to put on a little weight. Everyone told her it was a good thing, though. Bella had just taken Tommy to the bathroom to change him, giving Edward a little break, when an elderly woman came over to them and looked at the baby. "He's such a precious baby! You must be such a proud momma!"

"Oh, um," Bella hated herself for tearing up over something so harmless and tried to figure out what to say. It wasn't like he was really her nephew but it felt like it. "He isn't mine. He's my...nephew."

Once dinner was finished, Jasper came for Tommy and visited a little while. He still looked like a man whose world had fallen apart but he seemed slightly more at peace with things. Bella watched him walk away with the cooing, happy baby and she felt Edward nudge her softly. "What's wrong, Bells? You seem upset."

Bella frowned, wondering what the point of even bringing up the exchange in the bathroom would be. She was tired of dwelling on it. Taking his hand, she leaned into him and shrugged. "It's nothing. Do you mind if we stop at the club for a little while? I want to see Tyler. We'll come straight back here then. I promise." He kissed her and when it didn't seem that it was going to persuade her into his bedroom in that instant, he nodded and grabbed his car keys.

To her surprise, Tanya was working the night shift and there were at least two girls working that she didn't recognize. Shrugging it off, she brushed past them and practically ran over to James. He hugged her tightly before nodding to Edward. "How are ya, kid?"

"Good," she answered honestly, now over the hiccup at the restaurant. The idea that she was being honest about her life being good made her heart soar. Liz had been right about all of it. Life had to be lived and being afraid of everyone and everything was no way to go about doing so; the same went for being upset about everything.

"Awesome. Let me go get Tyler. He's in my office. Wait here."

Bella went behind the bar to hug Lauren and Edward plopped down on his old, usual stool. When James returned with Tyler, James handed him a beer and said it was on the house. Life was finally righting itself for both of them, Bella could feel it. Like a drug running through her veins, she thought of her family, of her friends, of her boyfriend, and all the good things that had been happening in her life.

They only stayed at the club for about an hour before heading back to Edward's. Bella couldn't remember the last time they'd had somewhere to themselves for a whole night and she would be completely lying if she said she wasn't ridiculously excited about it. Kicking off her boots, she made her way back to the bedroom before Edward could even untie his own. They had their fair share of 'sexual discussions' over the phone since she'd left but those just simply weren't satisfying.

Sitting on the bed, she waited for what felt like hours as he took his time getting back to her. In all truth, it was probably only about five minutes but she had already started to doubt herself. Her thoughts turned to the exact thing she was afraid of before, why would he want her after she'd already been had by that many men? He had to realize that she was passed around. Realizing then that no matter how wonderful things may be, it would never be normal. She would be haunted by this until the day she died.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked as he came into the room and sat down beside her. Concern was written all over his face and he took her hand. Closing her eyes, a tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly, shaking her head at the same time. "Nothing."

Sighing, he slid closer and pulled her into him. With his arms wrapped around her, he kissed her forehead and rubbed her arm. "This won't work if we keep more secrets from each other."

"It's not a secret. Edward, I've been...used...a lot...and...I understand that you don't..."

When she didn't finish her sentence, Edward pried a little more. "I don't what?"

"You know...want me."

"Bella! Are you kidding? If anything I'm holding back because I don't want to hurt or scare you! I feel bad about what happened that night on the roof. I was a bit too forward..."

"Edward, I've been with so many men..." the tears were back with a vengeance.

"Stop. Believe me, I would hunt every single one of them down and make sure they suffered for years before I'd kill them but that won't stop what happened to you from happening and we don't even know who these men are..."

"Mike Newton..."

"You know who it was?" Edward asked, letting her go as he stood up and began to pace.

"The doctor used the last name of Jackson but I'm sure it was an alias..."

"Why didn't you go to the police?"

Unable to speak any longer, feeling like a failure for her admissions to him, all she could do was shake her head for a long moment. When she finally found her voice, it was the most defeated she had ever heard herself. "They're winning, Edward. I can't be loved. I can't be a mother. There is nothing for me except a broken family waiting back in Washington and a disappointed man who I love more than anything in the world..."

"No more," Edward said through clenched teeth. For the first time since they met, Bella was truly afraid of him.

Sliding back to the center of the bed, shaking as she went, her tears started all over again. He took a step towards her and then another. Her heart slammed in her chest but nearly stopped every time he moved a muscle. She could feel the anger coming from him. Leaning forward and resting his hands on either side of her, he brought his face inches from hers. Instead of yelling at her, instead of telling her it was over, she realized there was a hint of tears in his own eyes.

"No. More. I know you need to talk and I want nothing more than for you to tell me the truth, to tell me everything, but I never want you to give up. Dammit, Bella, you are strong and beautiful and loving. I have never loved another person in this entire world as much as I love you. You are so, so wrong about yourself. If you're going to give up then you might as well just go back to Washington. I will not sit back and watch you let those fucking bastards win."

Bella was never more aware of him as she was now. Taking a deep breath, she slowly brought a shaking hand up to wipe her eyes. Edward grabbed her hand and kissed it gently before dropping it and kissing her on the lips. Breathing became difficult again and she pressed her lips to his even harder. All it took was for her to bring her hand up and wrap it around his neck before he wrapped his hand underneath her, lifting so that he could slide her towards him. His shirt was off before she could get hers over her head. Pulling off her jeans, she kicked them away and pulled Edward back down to her.

He had managed to get his own unbuckled and his happy trail was exposed to her watchful eyes. They were kissing again in a matter of seconds but before she could reach down and touch him, he started kissing his way down her torso. He surprised her yet again as his tongue made contact with that sensitive spot that he nipped and licked. A wave of pleasure flooded her body and she couldn't help but let out a low moan. She was close to orgasm and tightened her legs which were now wrapped around his shoulders. Seconds later, she arched her back, completely shattered.

Edward looked up at her then, wiping his mouth slightly and then kissing his way back up. When he was face to face with her again, he took her head in his hands so that she was looking directly at him and nowhere else. "I never want to hear you say you are undesirable. You are the only woman I have ever wanted this badly. Are you okay?"

Swallowing hard, her breath still heavy, she nodded. He sounded like he was on a mission and she worried he'd actually try to start hunting down Mike. "What are you going to do?"

"Prove it."

Instead of using her words, she used her tongue in other ways. He immediately took that as permission and caught her neck with his teeth. Unable to hold it in, she let out a loud cry as he entered her gently. It didn't take long before he was thrusting into her, nibbling her neck, and rubbing his hands over every part of her that he could reach. His muscles were so, so tense and she couldn't believe how good he felt under her hands. As her walls tightened around him, so did his muscles. Melting into him, she kissed his lips and felt him pulse inside of her.

"I love you," she whispered as he held her to himself, refusing to pull out of her. "I love you so much."

The smile he gave her was ridiculously sweet and he brought the blankets up around them both, kissing her again. "I love hearing you say that."

The next morning, she woke up still naked, wrapped up in both the sheets and him. He stirred and held her tighter, "Mornin', love."

"I could get used to this."

He just smiled and looked at the clock. He must have felt that it was a fair time to be lazy because he just readjusted and got comfortable again. "Bells, should we be using protection? I know you said you can't have children but are you sure..."

"I really did go to a friend of Tyler's. She did tests and things at the clinic for sexually transmitted diseases. I swear to you, I'm clean. I'd never want to hurt you that way. I also know I can't get pregnant. My periods are never normal, I go months without them."

"If you're okay with no condoms then I am totally on board with that decision. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with it."

"Absolutely."

His phone went off moments later, triggering a groan from him and a whine from Bella. He grabbed it and scrolled through the message. "Shit. Em needs me at the bar..."

"Go. I'll hop in the shower and occupy myself until you get back. Maybe I'll call Jasper and see if I can visit him for a while."

"Alright. Keep your phone on," he said, heading into the bathroom to shower himself.

Bella lounged around for a little while before calling Jasper and being informed that he was taking Tommy for a check-up. Knowing she had at least a little more time, she called Tyler. He and James were both at the strip club so she grabbed a taxi and headed there. Of course, at lunch time, the place would be closed but they were ordering pizza and watching some game on the big screen while James worked on some paperwork. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Bells. Hungry? Food's on its way."

"Yeah, I'm actually starving. I feel like I've been eating non-stop."

Her ringing phone interrupted their conversation concerning her eating habits and she answered it quickly, seeing Edward's name come up. "Hey."

"Bells, I'm going to be tied up here for a little while. Where are you?"

"With James and Tyler. What's wrong. You seem upset."

"Everything's going to be okay but Rose's dad was...arrested... Emmett needs me to work..."

"What?"

"Bella, do not worry about this. Okay?" he said as calmly as possible.

"What was he arrested for?" James and Tyler both looked over at her as she asked the question.

"He was part of a drug ring." Bella noticed something wasn't right with the tone of his voice. _Is he lying to me? _"I want to talk to Tyler. Can you put him on?"

Handing the phone over, she watched as Tyler answered with simple yes or no answers and gave nothing away concerning what they were discussing. Eventually Tyler handed the phone back to her and Edward's voice came back over the phone. "I love you, Bella. Stay with Tyler. I'll call to check in and will pick you up later this evening from the club."

"I love you, too. I know you're lying."

"I'll see you later tonight."

With that, he hung up. Staring at the phone in her hand, Bella leaned against the bar, dizziness racking her. Tyler stepped closer to her. "Bella, come on. Relax."

"I'm okay."

"You're not okay."

"I just feel a little dizzy."

"And you're starving? When did you eat last?"

"About a half hour ago at Edward's."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "You're eating all the time?"

"Yeah."

"When you were here last time, you told me you had the flu." It was coming out as an accusation now. Bella knew what he was getting at but it simply wasn't possible. Swallowing hard, she knew it was time to tell them part of her secret. Doing as he'd asked, she forced thoughts of Edward out of her mind to relax and sat down slowly on a stool. After a long moment of trying to compose herself, she took a deep breath and began.

Edward sat at his desk, alone in the room, and tried to figure out what to do. When Emmett had asked him to come that morning, he'd had no idea what it was about but he knew it was something bad. Now, sitting in the dark, he closed his eyes and tried to channel someone smarter, someone who knew what was right. He could hear Rosalie sobbing from the next office. Edward had lied. David Hale was not sitting in jail. He was dead.

To make matters worse, his own father was AWOL. Apparently, his mother was not speaking to him so she currently had no idea about any of it. He had to remind himself eight million times in the past two hours that Laurent had no connection to Bella, that he was pissed off about the drug situation. The girls were just a side business for Laurent, another source of income. Edward had looked into him. He knew people that came into Twilight Moon, people who weren't exactly from high places, and they were pretty forth coming with their knowledge.

Still, if he'd told Bella the truth, she probably try to come down and console him. He didn't need her here in case Laurent showed. Regardless of whether or not there was a connection, he wouldn't risk her being exposed to the man. Edward grabbed his phone and tried to call his dad one more time before sitting back in the chair and cursing to himself. He'd quit talking to Emmett about his dad's little drug involvement because it only got him lectures, and in all honesty, he was out of the loop himself. Bella's coming back seemed to be the final push for him to walk away.

Deep down, he wondered if that is what triggered the death of David but, at the same time, it might have nothing at all to do with it. Edward was sure the man had more enemies than just the shady drug dealer. It wasn't Edward's problem anyway. His problem involved his family. His mom wanted to take Ally off of life support within the next couple days, another little tidbit he'd learned that morning. As pissed off as she was at her husband, Edward knew she wanted and needed Carlisle to be there.

Carlisle may have been a bastard at times but the love Edward felt for his father never waned. It wasn't going to now. If he was dead, there was no way Edward was going to be able to hold it together to get his mother through what needed to be done with his baby sister. Their family was absolutely falling apart. No benefit was going to bring them back together. He was a fool for believing it would. Emmett didn't know about Alice yet. Edward waited for Emmett to come to him but the crying didn't seem to want to stop. Making a decision, he stood and headed out of the room.

Rosalie was sitting on Emmett's desk as he stood in front of her, rubbing her back and pressing his lips to her forehead. Edward cleared his throat and Emmett turned to him with a frown. As soon as they made eye contact, Edward breathed out and said, "We need to find dad."

"I can't leave Rose..."

"No," Rosalie interrupted. "Go."

"Do you want me to take you home?" Emmett asked softly.

"No. I can't face my mom right now. The funeral director was pulling in when I last spoke to her... You should go, though."

Obviously, she didn't want her fiance to go through what she was. Edward got an idea then. "We'll drop her off at the North Pole. Bella's there watching the game with James and Tyler. She'll be safe and Bella will be there with her. The club's closed until later today."

"Alright, yeah. Rose, that okay with you, baby?"

"My dad's dead and I'm going to hang at a strip club?" she asked with nothing but sadness in her voice.

"You don't have to, babe."

"Does Bella know about my dad?" she sniffled.

"No. You can fill her in," Edward responded grimly.

Rose just nodded solemnly and Emmett turned to him. "Let's go."

Having no idea where to look, both guys were getting frustrated. "Let's just go check his place one more time," Emmett suggested, obviously pissed off.

"Alright, yeah. If we don't find him, we need to tell mom. He needs to know about Ally. Maybe for some crazy reason, she knows where he might be."

"Yeah. Mom's going to shit."

"She always said his job was going to ruin our family..."

"This isn't all his fault, Emmett. What happened to Ally can't be blamed on him. It was a horrible accident but it wasn't his fault."

"That may be true but if he's in trouble, he brought it on himself."

"I agree with that. It doesn't mean we just pretend nothing's happening. Em, he could be dead."

"Stupid bastard..." Edward heard his brother mumble. Never had he agreed with his big brother so much. Edward's grief was turning to hatred.

When they pulled into the bar's lot, both of them let out a string of expletives and were out of the car before Edward barely got it into park. Their father's vehicle was now sitting right outside. Going in through the back door, they found him cleaning a handgun at his desk. Edward knew exactly where his father had been. When Emmett called him a selfish bastard and walked back out the door, Edward knew that he knew it, too. "What have you done?" Edward managed to get out.

"Go home, Edward. Spend time with Bella."

Shaking his head in disgust, he bit back, "And what about mom? You'll get revenge for a friend of yours but you can't be there to support her while she'd trying to find the courage to bury her daughter? It's done, dad. A few more days and she's really going to do it. Alice. Little, happy Alice will be six feet under by the end of the week. When you get caught for this, it'll be up to me and Em to take care of our family. You don't even deserve to be at Alice's funeral. I should have let Emmett beat the shit out of you a long time ago."

He was almost out the door when Carlisle spoke again. "He was going to go after Rosalie. You may be right about what you just said but I wasn't going to lose another member of this family. I did what I had to do."

Edward stopped and rested a hand on the door frame. Bowing his head, he closed his eyes. This was the reason he couldn't stop loving the man. He would hate him one minute and then he'd say some shit about protecting everyone and Edward would have no choice but to respect him. This time, though, it was different. "Who's going to be there for us when you're in a prison cell for murder?"

"I took care of it. You no longer need the protection," he shrugged.

"It's not protection we need," Edward snapped, turning to face him again. "We're saying our final goodbyes to Alice as soon as mom can get it together to give the order. If you aren't there, I swear to God, I will never speak to you again."

**Things are getting deep for the Cullens :/ Please read and review! Also, voting is open for the Hope Springs Eternal Contest. PLEASE check it out and vote for your favorites. There are ALOT of awesome stories on there! Show the authors some lovin'! LP xx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

***Please read the authors note at the bottom!**

**Chapter 24**

**Don't Kill Him!**

Bella watched Edward walk through the doors later that evening as she stood behind the bar, working her old job. This time, though, she was in normal street clothes and she didn't intend to lose any of them. There was so much she needed to talk to Edward about, so much that needed to be discussed. Rosalie just looked over at her before walking outside to meet Emmett after Edward came in and told her he was waiting outside to take her home. Rose wasn't a big fan of strip clubs.

Plopping down on the same stool he always did, Bella put a beer in front of him but he didn't touch it. Instead, he took her hand and kissed it. Tyler came over then, nodding a hello to Edward and told her James wanted to see her for a minute. As soon as she was out of ear range, she saw the two of them start talking and wished she knew what it was about. It was obvious that James was just trying to distract her because he started asking her about what paint she thought he should buy to fix the place up a little. It took everything she had not to roll her eyes and tell him that she knew what he was doing.

By the time she returned to them, Edward had drunk only half the beer and Tyler was on the other side of the room again. "We need to talk," Bella said, coming to stand in front of him.

"Not here. I need to tell you something..."

The next thing that happened was something no one expected. As Bella was just about to hint at her part of what needed to be said, the door opened and a man walked in that caused Bella to freeze. James was standing about three feet from her and she looked past a concerned Edward to watch the man approach James. Setting a gun on the counter, pointed right at the owner, the man spoke-Bella recognized his voice. "I want Isabella over there. Whatever the cost. Whatever this is, it's finished."

It wasn't James that responded, though, and Tyler was still only half way across the room. Edward lunged out of his seat and grabbed the man by the neck, throwing him to the ground. As the two men fought, Bella tried to make sense of what was happening, of who the man was. It wasn't until Tyler grabbed the familiar stranger and lifted him off the ground that Bella knew. Dragging him outside, Tyler muscled him into the parking lot and shoved him, letting Edward get back to it while holding Bella back from trying to stop it.

Dominic Volterre had left the gun sitting on the bar. Edward had pulled one from the waistband of his pants, holding it to the man's head. There had always been a suspicion that she hadn't gotten away from her kidnappers on her own. It had been too easy, as if orchestrated by someone but she hadn't been let in on it. Dom had been the only one who was slightly nice to her and from the look of sorrow on his face now as he made eye contact with her, she knew that he was the one who had helped her escape. "Edward, please! Don't kill him! I'm begging you!"

Shocked as hell, Tyler waivered and she managed to get free, running to where Edward was crouched over her savior and holding the gun. He was so angry that Bella wondered if he even realized she was still there. He actually jumped when she reached down and forced him to look at her. Dom didn't look like he was going to be conscious for much longer, Bella could tell he was fighting to keep his eyes open.

Tyler had her again but this time, Edward stood up and looked from her to the man on the ground. Bella hoped Dom wasn't dying. This was a misunderstanding. "Tyler, I need you to take him somewhere to clean him up. I'm going to get Edward to calm down and I'll meet you wherever..."

"My mom's. I'll take him there. I don't think he's dead...yet."

Bella just nodded as James helped Tyler load the broken man into Tyler's SUV. Lauren was waving everyone who had been watching back into the club. The tiff had definitely grabbed people's attention. She turned to assess Edward then. His lip was bleeding and there was a nice gash in his cheek. His right side just above his ribs was bleeding through his grey shirt. "What the hell is going on?" Edward asked her, truly sounding angry.

"Come inside. I'm not explaining this out here."

Taking his hand, she forced him to follow her into the building and pulled him back to James's office. Grabbing the first aid kit she knew was in the closet, she told him to take off his shirt and sit down. "He was one of them, wasn't he? Why did you stop me?" he demanded.

She noticed that James had followed them. "James, I need to talk to Edward. Alone." When James didn't seem to trust leaving her alone with him, she turned to her old boss. "I trust him. It's Edward! He won't hurt me."

"I'll be right outside," he replied, directing the comment at Edward.

Bella grabbed a cotton ball and some peroxide and gently wiped at the gash on his face. He winced but didn't make a sound. "I'm ninety eight percent sure that he's the reason I got away when I did a couple years ago. I've always thought that there was another factor involved, that it had been a little too easy. I've seen the way these men do business, Edward. If he was trying to pull me back into it, he wouldn't have come by himself and he sure as hell wouldn't have been so harsh towards James. I think he thought he was saving me again."

"He still had involvement in this shit, Bella. He still never stopped it sooner..."

"They would have killed him, Edward. He couldn't just run to the police..."

"So, what now? You consider him a friend?"

"No! I want to be able to talk to him, though. I have to know what happened that night..."

"I wasn't going to kill him."

This was so unlike what Bella expected him to say that she looked up at him from where she was working on his side. "Why not?" she asked curiously.

"If I end up in jail, I won't be able to make sure you're safe...or be there for my family. I assume Rose told you about her father."

"Yeah. Why did you lie to me?" It was hard to keep the hurt from her voice.

"The man who killed her father was involved with drugs. My dad was connected to both of them. Laurent is the one who did it. He deals in women, just like the men who did this shit to you. According to my dad, Laurent threatened Rosalie. Bella, my father killed Laurent."

"Oh my, God..."

"I wouldn't get myself in trouble the way my father just did. My mom wants to really go through with letting Alice go and if the cops find out before then..."

"Oh, Edward," Bella whispered sadly. Crawling into his lap, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him gently, careful to kiss the side that wasn't swelling to ungodly proportions already. They sat like that for a while and she wondered if now was really the time to tell him what she needed to say. He would either become angry with her or he'd be happy and accept it. Either way her mind was already made up. With as close as his family was, and for the fact that Rosalie already knew, she was afraid he'd hear it from someone besides her. "There's still something that I have to tell you."

"What is it, baby?"

"I...um...before I tell you, I already know what I want. You aren't going to be able to change my mind..."

"Please don't tell me you're leaving..."

"I'm not!" she reassured him quickly. "I honestly don't know if our long distance relationship is going to work out much longer at all..."

"For God's sake, Bella, I can't do all of this without you beside me. I know that's selfish but I fucking _need _you right now..."

"I need you, too, Edward," she said, taking his hand and resting it on her stomach. "It's going to get a lot harder to have a long distant relationship because I'm pregnant and I am going to do everything in my power to keep this baby. If you accept it...I'm really, really going to need you, too."

Bella sat there on his lap, waiting for a response...desperate to hear what he was thinking. Once Rosalie had shown up earlier, Tyler managed to 'let it slip' in front of Rosalie that he thought Bella was pregnant. It was right after Rosalie had told the horrific truth about what really happened to her father. As soon as the words were out of Tyler's mouth, Rosalie was all over Bella about it-as if it was giving her something positive to focus on. There was no way in hell Bella was going to tell her the story about why she was convinced she wasn't pregnant, so she gave in when Rosalie demanded she take an at home pregnancy test.

Never expecting in a million years that it would come out positive, she took the test in James's private bathroom with Tyler and Rosalie waiting outside. Bella had just plopped down on Tyler's lap and sent her mom a text to check in. She was just finishing up with the news about Alice when Rosalie jumped up and turned to her, pregnancy test in hand. "It says you're pregnant! Holy shit! Bella, you're fucking pregnant!"

Rolling her eyes, she stood up with the help of Tyler and grabbed the box off the desk. "You must have read it wrong...and that has my pee on it...put it down."

Rosalie made a face but dropped it in front of her, pointing first to the plus sign and then to the box. "They match. You're pregnant."

"No...it says that you're supposed to take this when you first wake up in the morning..."

"Yeah, so you don't get a false _negative_..."

A small piece of Bella contemplated what that little test implied. _This isn't possible. This can't be possible. _Trying her damnedest to not get her hopes up, she worked to keep her voice calm. "Rose, I need another test...I don't care where you have to go to get it. Tyler, can you take her?"

"Bella, are you okay? What are you going to do?"

"I need to chug some water."

Later, Edward would wonder why the hell he wasn't confused. He'd wonder why she'd said she couldn't get pregnant if she was now telling him that she was. Right now, all he felt was protective. He didn't want a baby right now, hell, he didn't know if he'd be able to handle a child on top of everything else. Still, he had the strangest feelings coursing through him. It may have been the fact that one of the bastards who were part of Bella's past was in town, it could have been that he was paranoid for his father, or even the death of David Hale and the impending death of his baby sister. Either way, he felt the sudden urge to take Bella back to the apartment, lock her up there, and never let her out again. He had to protect them. Both of them.

It didn't matter that Bella wasn't supposed to get pregnant and she now was. Nothing mattered except for the fact that he had been able to give her something that she had always thought she would never have...he had given her something that he hadn't realized he'd die to give to her. Granted, a kid was the last thing he needed at the moment, he had managed to do this for her. He vowed to himself then and there that he would make things right, he had to, he was going to be a father.

Looking at Bella now, her huge brown eyes obviously scared, he realized that lately he had been the cause for it. That needed to stop as well. "Don't cry, Bella," he finally said, pulling her even tighter against him but thought of her new condition and thought better of it.

"I know you probably don't want this but if I have the opportunity to carry this child I absolutely will not throw it away. I love you, you know that, but this could be my only chance..."

"Hey, shhh." He hated that she wasn't scared anymore, just immensely sad. She shouldn't be sad right now, she should be elated. This was something she wanted. After everything she'd been through, she deserved this one normality in life. "I'm not saying I don't want our baby. I'm just a little shocked is all. You belong here with me and I just...we've already taken this long distance relationship to a whole new level, whether we knew what we were doing or not. I need to know, now that you're carrying my kid, that you're not going to take off on me again."

"I'm in this for good now," she smiled through her tears. It felt so good to see her smile. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I know that you've said we took this to a whole new level...and I agree...but I don't want to run out and get married or anything like that. We didn't know what we were doing, glad as I am that it happened, but I want us to be married on our own terms...not that I expect us to..."

Edward smiled at her before wincing at the pain his lip was causing him. "I understand but there are two conditions; one, if you don't move in with me here, I'll move to Washington and find a place there. I don't want you that far away from me before or after the baby comes. And two, I...um...I want the baby to have my last name."

He watched Bella's eyes light up at that, he honestly had never seen her quite this happy. "Thank you. For everything, Edward, I mean it. I honestly never thought this would happen..."

"How did it? I mean, are you sure you are?"

"I guess I've been showing the symptoms but I blew them off...I never went to an actual doctor and had things checked out. Apparently the asshole who tried to...who tried to make it so I couldn't...he didn't succeed. Tyler was the one who was curious about it and I told him the story but he wouldn't get off my case about it. Rosalie forced me to take a test...and another...well, I took two more after the first. They were all positive. I mean, with the weight gain and the upset stomach and the dizziness...it's all been there..."

"Dizziness?" He wondered to himself when that had started. _How could I not have noticed that_?

"It's only been a couple times, I figured it was nothing to worry about..."

"Well, it doesn't matter that you didn't think you could be because it seems that you are. That's what matters."

"You're kind of excited about this aren't you?"

He grinned, feeling his lip start to bleed again but ignoring the pain. "Maybe a little..." His response elicited an excited squeal from Bella. He wanted to make love to her right there up against James's desk. Pushing back the urge, he also had to catch himself before he asked her about going to a doctor to make sure everything was okay. To be honest, they should probably have it confirmed that she was pregnant. He didn't know if he could force her through that. _Is it okay to just wait and see if she starts to show? Is it necessary to go to a doctor? There are always home births..."_

"I know you're kind of in shock but I have to get over to Tyler's..."

The idea of Bella being near the big bastard slammed him back into reality. "I didn't plan to kill him before but I swear to God if he even looks at you in a way that makes me think he might even consider hurting you, in any way, I will finish him. Don't push me, Bella."

"I know. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Edward stepped through the door of Tyler's mother's cheery yellow-sided home before Bella. His nerves were about shot and he was feeling more anxious than he usually did. For the first time, Bella was actually checking on him constantly to make sure that_ he_ was okay. He couldn't help but let out a loud laugh, one that was really much louder than necessary, when he saw what Tyler had done with Bella's 'friend'. He had him tied to a chair in the middle of the kitchen. "A little mob-like don't ya think?" Edward asked Tyler with a chuckle.

Bella stepped through a short time behind him and he felt her push him to the side to get a better look at the man in the chair. To Edward's disapproval, the man looked like he was going to be fine...just really bruised later on. Bella's shock made Edward chuckle a little. "Jesus, Ty! Dom..."

All joking aside, it took everything in Edward's power to keep himself planted where he was when Bella reached out to the man and removed the gag. He didn't care what this asshole had to say. He knew Bella had been put through what she had been and he hadn't done shit about it until what seemed like way too much later than he should have.

"Bella," he heard the man breathe out, "you're a hard girl to find."

Edward watched as Bella actually smiled at this. "That's kind of what I was going for. How the hell_ did_ you find me?"

"I've been trying to track down the girls that I knew full names of. It's taking me forever but I've been hacked into the airports data bases figuring one or two of you would eventually show up..."

"How long have you been looking?"

Edward had a better question. "Why the fuck_ are_ you looking for them?"

The man glanced over at Edward before frowning and turning back to tell Bella the answer. "A few months and I wanted to see if you'd gotten out of that life. When I got here and started asking around, I stopped in a few of the local bars with your picture. No one really heard of you until I stopped at one of the hospitals and a volunteer recognized you. When they told me they thought you worked at the strip club, I thought for sure you'd never actually gotten out of all of this shit. I didn't mean to bring harm to the owner back there, I just truly thought you were caught up in something against your will...I mean a hospital worker recognized you..."

"Why do you care?" Edward bit out, this sounded like a bunch of bullshit to him.

"I just...I wanted the girls to know that...Mike's dead."

This was good news to Edward's ears. Bella looked floored. "What? What happened?"

"I've been trying to help you girls out when I could..."

"You're the reason I got away when I did, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I mean, the opportunity presented itself and I knew you were one of the stronger ones. Some of the other girls were too scared to try to get away. I knew you'd run."

"Thank you," Bella said with absolute conviction.

"I wish I could have done more but he would have killed me if he found out what I was trying to do..."

"I know."

"Anyway, one of the girls who I was helping...we were going to run together. Bella, there's only so long a man like Mike can operate before people start asking questions. There were less and less girls and he wanted to move everyone again to try to cover things up. I had everything ready for us...but she refused to leave the other girls. Most of them were younger than her. God, they were so damn young..."

"How could you not try to stop this before?" Edward couldn't help but ask. Bella shot him a look of warning.

"I did," Dom retorted, "but I was in love with Annie. I wouldn't leave her alone with him and anytime Mike even got a hint of the fact that I was trying to help her or anyone else, he threatened to kill her. I finally had enough, though. One night, right before Annie was supposed to leave with me, Mike caught me helping one of the younger ones escape on a security camera. He called me down to Annie's cell and the second I stepped through the door..."

Edward watched as the man let tears fall. Bella actually rubbed Dom's arm. "What happened to her, Dom?"

"He fucking put a bullet through her head." He choked on his words. "I snapped. One of the guys who was getting fed up with Mike's shit as well helped me fight off two of Mike's buddies. "

"So you killed him?" Bella asked softly.

"Yeah. I didn't just shoot him, though. I wanted him to suffer."

"I think we agree on something," Edward muttered.

Bella grabbed a knife from the counter and cut the tape off of Dom's wrists. "Thank you for your concern and letting me know. I'm safe now. These guys are my...friends..."

Edward couldn't help but feel hurt by that comment. She was currently carrying his baby. Stepping forward, he shook his head. "I guess in a way I owe you an apology. I didn't know who you were. I'm a little...protective."

Dom flexed his hands and nodded as he stood up, "I'm glad."

"There's, uh, something I want to ask you. It's personal. Do you know if...if any of the other girls were able to get...pregnant after what was done to us?"

"Honestly, of the handful of girls that I knew well enough to look for, three turned up dead. You're the only one besides one of the younger girls that I was able to locate that were alive. I honestly have no idea. Why do you ask?"

Bella beamed as she stepped back and wrapped an arm around Edward, resting her head against his arm, "I'm having a baby. I didn't think it was possible but Edward and I managed it. I'm happy. Really, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I love him."

"I'm glad to hear it. At least I managed to recover one good story. I truly wish I could have helped you girls more. My hands were tied."

"I know. Where are you going now? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He just shrugged, "I've been in worse shape. I have a hotel room waiting for me and I'm heading up to Canada next to follow up on a lead. You haven't heard from any of the other girls, have you?"

"No. I haven't had contact with anyone."

Dom just nodded and stepped forward to give Edward a nod goodbye. "She deserves this."

"I know she does. I still think you're a piece of shit but thank you for helping her."

Bella shot him another glare and led Dom to the front door. Edward quickly caught up to them. He watched solemnly as Bella said a kind goodbye to the messenger and closed the door gently behind him-there was a bus station down the road that he was going to walk to. Without even having to look up, he knew it was coming. The sob that ripped through Bella's throat broke his heart. In a matter of seconds his arms were around her. "He's dead, baby. He can't hurt you. This was good news..."

Tyler interrupted them with a glass of water. "Here, try to calm down, Bells."

"I hate seeing you this upset," Edward whispered to her, holding the water glass to her lips.

"It's just...I just...I don't know how to deal with all of this..."

"I know. Come on. Come lay down."

A couple hours later, Bella woke up to find that she was comfortably leaning against Edward while he and Tyler watched some comedian on TV. It took Edward a few minutes to realize she was awake and she was happy for it. She needed some time to get herself together. The one thing Edward and Liz had both convinced her of was that no one was coming for her. Dom had come for her. He had even found her. Regardless of his intentions, it still terrified her to know that if her past really wanted to sneak up on her, it could. Rationalizing as best as she could, in a desperate attempt to pull herself together, she tried to remember that Mike was dead. Dom wouldn't have told her this without so much relief if it meant there was someone left from their group who would have been trying to track her down.

Still, it was a ridiculous twenty-four hours. She wondered if she was going to wake up again soon, wrapped peacefully up in Edward just like this morning; maybe this was all just a dream. Then, the feeling of self-hatred hit her. Despite the death of Rosalie's father and a reality check that she wasn't invincible, the day had brought her something wonderful; the knowledge that she was going to be a mother.

Wiping away a tear caught Edward's attention and she felt him pull her closer. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. This was just...this Dom thing..."

"If I didn't think he was genuine, he'd be dead. You're safe. I promise."

"I know. I know."

"It's really late. Let me get you home."

**Surprise for some of you about the baby but I know most of you probably figured it out long ago lol I know this is early but I have news to share and this chapter kind of ended up fitting in rather well with what I have to say. Very early this morning, my beta, X-NessieCullen-X delivered her first baby, a little boy named Samuel Aiden. (I won't give the last name for privacy reasons.) He's happy and healthy from what I'm gathering and I want to dedicate this chapter to them. If you have something to say about the chapter or just simply want to tell her congratulations, just leave a review. I'll make sure to forward any well-wishes from you to her if you leave them. She has done so much for me and as you know, neither of us are paid for our time accept with kind words from you. **

**Speaking of kind words, the reviews I have been receiving on all of my stories have been very wonderful and heart-warming. It means so much to hear it and keeps me going with this! I don't typically give recommendations, simply because I have been sucked into the Hunger Games and have been reading those-and rereading Fifty Shades for the hundredth time (mmmmm) so I haven't read much fanfiction lately. There is one story that I do think you should check out called If I Knew by StupidLambTanya. She said very nice things about me and recommended my story so I'd like to help her out :) Lots of love to all of you, Letzigprincess xx**


	25. Chapter 25

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 25**

**Against All Odds**

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving your side."

"You said the doctor is a woman, right?" she asked anxiously, clinging to his hand. 

"Yes. She's Liz's doctor. Liz has known her for years. You don't have to do this..."

"No. I do. My baby deserves to be healthy..."

Bella heard Edward sigh but felt him tighten his grip on her hand. She knew she was over-reacting. Liz had even called the doctor and explained part of the situation, as much as Bella was comfortable with. "Miss Swan?"

Trying desperately to control her need to run, Bella found the strength to stand and grabbed Edward's arm. Taking long, deep breaths, Bella finally calmed herself enough to walk over and head into the little room the nurse led them to. "I want to get your weight. Do you mind standing right here?" the nurse asked, motioning to a scale in the corner of the room. Practically striding over, Bella stood on it and glanced nervously back at Edward, receiving an encouraging smile in return. She could do this.

"Alright. You can use that bathroom right there to take off your clothes and put these on but I have a few questions first." Bella nodded. She could handle questions. "Can you tell me when your last period was?"

"No," she answered honestly.

"You don't remember or..."

"It's been months."

"Okay," the nurse nodded, jotting something down. "It says here you think you're pregnant. Is that why?"

Bella cleared her throat and tried to sit up a little straighter. "No."

"So your periods are always irregular?"

"Yes." This time, it came out a little more irritated.

"Okay. Do you smoke?"

The questions were rather basic after that and Bella had to wonder if the nurse was a little bit afraid of her. She had noticed that there was a cheery, yellow sticky note on the front of her folder that read 'trauma patient'. She had to bite back tears, wondering if that's what everyone who knew her secret now considered her. "I'll leave you to get ready. The doctor will be in shortly."

Bella nodded and let Edward help her down off the table. Walking into the one-person bathroom that was connected, she slowly began to remove her clothes. It took a ridiculous amount of time before the doctor actually made it in and she came in smiling. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Dr. Clessik."

"Hi."

"I spoke with Elizabeth earlier this morning and she informed me that an assault which occurred a few years ago left you with the belief that you couldn't be pregnant but you think you are."

"Yes. I took a home pregnancy test."

"Okay. Were you checked out after the assault?" Bell knew she didn't mean just the blood tests.

"No."

"Well, lay back and put your feet into the stirrups..."

Absolute panic flooded Bella's veins as she tried desperately to do what the doctor was asking her. As if Dr. Clessik understood this, she turned to Edward and began making small talk to give Bella some time. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name..."

"Edward. I'm Liz's nephew. If Bella's pregnant, I'm the father. We're...together."

"It's nice to meet you..."

Bella couldn't do it. Jumping up, she put her hand to her mouth and made her way into the bathroom. She barely got to the toilet in time. Everything Edward had begged her to eat that morning came right back up. The chit-chat between Edward and the doctor had stopped completely. The only sound in the room was her vomiting. Eventually, there was a knock on the door. It wasn't Edward. "Bella, is it okay if I call you that?"

Bella gave her a bitter smile; as if her name was her biggest concern right now. "Yeah."

"I know what you've been through was very difficult for you..."

"I can't do this. I'm sorry." Flushing the toilet, Bella pushed past the woman and stepped into the exam room to grab her clothes. Edward's face was hard to read and she couldn't help but think he was little disappointed in her when she only grabbed what she needed and went back into the bathroom. "Please go so I can dress."

"Bella, look, if you are pregnant..."

"I. Can't. Do. This. Please leave me alone..."

The doctor held up her hands in surrender and Bella felt ashamed of herself. Still, this just wasn't going to happen. "Fine. I'll speak with you when you're done."

After dressing, rinsing out her mouth, and taking many deep breaths, Bella emerged with the bravest face she could muster. "I'm ready to go, Edward."

He looked at her for a long minute from his seat before glancing at Dr. Clessik. "Bella, before you leave, would you at least allow me to take some blood. At least you'll know for sure."

Looking to Edward, he held his arms out to her and she ignored the doctor until she was seated comfortably in his lap. "That would be wonderful. Thank you."

After the blood was drawn and the bill was paid, Bella hung her head in defeat and followed Edward to the car. He hadn't said much but looked upset. She didn't know what to say either; the ride home back to his apartment was silent. It wasn't until they were in the elevator that Edward turned to look at her. "Do you need me to call Liz?"

"No. I...um...I'll meet up with her later. I'll tell her."

"Do you...want to talk about it...with me?"

They were through his door now. Kicking off her shoes, she leaned against it. "You must absolutely hate me."

"Hey. Bella, I could never hate you..."

"I can't even be a mother..."

"If you are pregnant, you already are."

"I couldn't even hold it together long enough to make sure the baby's okay. I know you're upset with me. You're disappointed..."

"I am upset but it's not you. It's hard for me to see you like this. I hate that you are still going through this and I wish more than anything that I could take that burden from you but I can't."

"Edward, I'm absolutely fucking terrified that I can't do this."

"Dammit, Bells, you told me your mind was made up. Don't switch your story now. That baby is mine, too."

Bella was shocked by the outburst, putting a protective hand on her abdomen. _Does he really think I would terminate the pregnancy? _Rattled, Bella shook her head. "Edward, I would never..."

"Then calm down. Do you see that, Bella? The way you're almost trying to hide the baby from me because I mentioned something that might mean to bring harm to it? You can do this and that's why. You look like you'd fight me to the death before letting me get anywhere near the baby in a threatening way."

Shocked with herself, she dropped her hand and stared blankly at him. This was Edward. _You trust him more than anyone in the world! Do you really think he'd hurt your child? _"I'm sorry..."

"I would like to spend a little bit of time with Alice today."

"Yeah. Absolutely." Bella felt awful for dragging him down even further. It was obvious he was really stressed about his sister. So far, he was holding up well but she had no idea what to expect when the time came to say goodbye for good. She would have to call her parents; there was no way in hell she was leaving him to deal with this shit on his own. Renee and Charlie were going to freak if she really was pregnant.

While Bella found something for them to watch on TV, Edward brought in a couple plates with sandwiches. Her mouth watered when she saw the carved ham on them that Esme had sent over after one of the family meals. Halfway through it, her phone began to ring and Bella looked over to Edward. He rolled his eyes and grabbed it from the kitchen table before walking back over. Letting it ring two more times, he finally flipped it open and hit the speaker phone button. "Hello?" Bella got out.

"Isabella? This is Dr. Clessik's office calling. We have the results on the blood test. You are pregnant."

Bella brought her shaking hand to her stomach and gawked with an open mouth at the phone. "Hello? Miss Swan?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm here...I'm just..."

"Would you like to make another appointment?"

"No. Not right now."

Literally grabbing the phone from Edward, she hung up and tossed it aside. A million feelings were running through her: elation, love, terror, panic, even anger at not being able to have gone through with the exam. Reaching down, she grabbed the rest of her sandwich, causing Edward to look down at his own. When he started to eat as well, she looked over at him and noticed there were wet marks on his cheeks. Edward was crying.

Bella watched silently as Edward leaned forward to hold his little sister's hand. After he talked to her about everything from David Hale's death to the postponed wedding, he began to tell her about his and Bella's little surprise. His voice broke halfway through him telling her she was going to be an aunt. He started to cry when he told her how well her son was doing. He was so broken and Bella was touched by how much he loved his sister; it also broke her heart that he had to go through this.

The whoosh of the doors got their attention and Bella quickly wiped his face. Emmett strode in and came over as quietly as Emmett possibly could. "Ah, hell, Edward, don't hide it. I fucking bawl like a baby before I leave here every night."

The guys clasped hands and patted each other's backs in the way that only guys could do, Bella felt like an intruder. When they were done with their hellos, Emmett turned to Bella and stepped towards her. She practically jumped out of the chair, letting out a cry and absently brought a hand to her stomach. "Woah," Edward said, jumping out of his own seat.

Emmett looked embarrassed and stepped back quickly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...to..."

Bella felt horrible. He didn't do anything; that's why he couldn't finish that sentence. "It wasn't you. _I'm_ sorry, Emmett... I'm having a...difficult day. "

Edward remained silent and patted Emmett on the arm before kissing Bella's cheek. "So," Emmett began, "you two are having a baby?"

"Yeah," Edward answered with a bit of a happy smirk. Bella smiled.

"Mom's going to shit but Rose and I are both excited."

"I don't know how dad's going to take the news either..."

"Who cares?" he replied with a hard tone.

"Em, he's still our father, despite the mistakes he's made..."

"Are you going to go down with him?"

Bella watched as Edward stayed silent. He gave his brother the 'shut up in front of Bella' look. Fear began to turn in her stomach. Emmett had a point, Edward and her both knew what Carlisle had done. "Good, you're here!" Esme said, stepping into the room as well and seeming to break the tension between the two men. "Edward, have you talked to your father lately?"

Emmett scoffed loudly and simply kissed his mother on the cheek before shaking his head and walking out the door she had just come through. Esme turned back to her youngest son. "I am so fucking tired of this..."

"I know..."

"We're a God-damned family. Look at Alice. Look at you boys... Christ, Edward..."

"Look, let me go call dad. I'll see if I can get him here. Can you take Bella down to the cafeteria and get her something to eat?" Edward pulled out his wallet and handed her a twenty. "Grab something for yourself as well."

"Keep your money. I'd like to spend time with your girl by myself for a few moments anyway. We have some things we need to discuss."

Bella swallowed hard and had to prevent herself from touching her stomach. If she wanted this to be kept a secret, she had to get herself to stop with that particular habit. When they made it to a table with their trays, Esme wasted no time in getting to the point. "We need to talk."

Bella just nodded her head. "Sure."

"What do you plan to get out of your relationship with my son?"

Watching the way her jell-o was jiggling on the plate in front of her, Bella tried to figure out what to say. "Well, I'm hoping to be together for a long time. I love him, Esme."

"Bella, I know about the strip club and this isn't anything to do with all that..."

"It's over. I don't...strip...anymore."

"So you aren't working?"

Bella was shocked by the personal questions this woman was digging into her. "I'm not...my parents and I..."

"Do you think this relationship is really a good idea?"

She was having trouble moving her jaw from the dropped position. "What...where...is this coming from?"

"Come on, Bella. The last relationship he had was with a lying bitch, his little sister is...well, we both know about Ally's condition, he's the best man in a wedding, and now he's being pulled into a whole different direction..."

It was hard for Bella to reign in her anger with this woman. If it wasn't for the fact that Esme was Edward's mother, she would have reached across the table and slapped her across the face. "I don't see how I'm pulling him..."

"I know about your past, Bella."

Feeling as though all the air had been sucked from the room with just that one small admission, Bella couldn't help but bring her hand up to cover her stomach, she felt like she was going to be sick. "He told you?"

"No...no. I overheard him and Liz talking about you the other day. So, you were raped?" This last part came out as a concerned-sounding question.

Standing up, Bella chair slid against the tile floor and she nearly tripped over one of the legs. "This is none of your business...You have no idea..."

"Edward is my son. This is my business."

Finding her legs, Bella strode towards the doors that would lead her closer to the front of the building-closer to freedom. From a distance, she heard Edward call to her but she didn't stick around to let him catch up to her. She saw in the reflection of the rotating doors that he was watching her curiously from the elevator he'd just stepped out of. After running a hand through his hair, he looked up to the ceiling and then began walking. He didn't come for her, though. He turned to go into the large cafeteria.

"Mom," Edward began, trying to stay calm, "what the fuck did you just say to her? You have no idea how hard it is for her to be here in a hospital. She doesn't need you doing whatever it is..."

"I know about what happened to her, Edward. I just wanted to talk to her about the two of you. I wanted to know where it was going..."

"That's between Bella and I. Seriously. Just stop this! All this bullshit with Alice and dad...it's making you crazy! You were never like this before!"

"What? I never cared about you?"

"I'm not justifying that with a comment. I need to go check on her..."

"Why? Are you putting the broken girl back together? Do you see this as some penance for what happened with Janie? I believe you. I know you didn't hurt her..."

"You have no idea what Bella has been through, mom. None."

"I do. I overheard you and Liz..."

"When?"

"The other day in the lobby. I know she was raped."

Edward gave a loud, annoyed sigh before hastily pulling out the chair across from her and sitting down. "She wasn't raped..."

"But I heard you say..."

"She was," Edward relented, holding a hand up to stop her. "It's not how you think, though. Mom, I swear to God if you don't let this go, I'll leave. I will take Bella and I will leave."

"You'd leave your family behind?" Edward watched as she tried to pull the tough-ass mother act but he knew as well as she did that she was failing miserably.

"Bella _is_ my family." With the news they had received today that statement was absolutely true. Bella was carrying his baby.

"I'm your family..."

"Then accept her as one of our own." Shaking his head, he leaned forward and took her arm. "I don't know what's going through your head right now but I need you, too. This family needs you to hold it together just as much as you need me to keep things together. Em and dad will work out their problems on their own. Alice is where your focus needs to be. Jasper is taking really good care of Tommy. I'm going to be right here... I'm going to try to be there even if dad isn't. I want to be beside you for this but I can't be beside you if Bella isn't beside me. She's had a shitty life and she needs family now more than ever. I won't let you get between us."

"I want to do this on Saturday."

Edward could see the hurt in her eyes. "Alright. I'll be here."

"Go find Bella. I want to talk to her."

"Again? Really?" he asked in disbelief and total annoyance.

"I'll behave. I just want to apologize."

"Alright. I'll be back. You better take it easy with her."

Edward headed out to the front of the hospital but she was gone. Worry built in his stomach as he strode quickly towards his car. He pulled his phone from his pocket when he saw that she wasn't there. Kicking a tire, he listened as the other end of the line went straight to voicemail. "Eddie, man, relax!"

Emmett's voice broke through his frustration and he spun to see his brother lumbering towards him. He wondered how lost he actually looked. From the expression on Emmett's face, he figured it must be pretty bad. "Em, just...I can't find Bella..."

"She's inside. Dad's here."

"You left them alone?"

He briefly heard Emmett shout something about Edward being a hypocrite but Edward was already striding back towards the hospital. Bella was afraid of men. Bella was upset with him. Bella was probably hurt by his mom. Bella was pregnant. The thought completely stopped him and he could actually hear his sneakers skidding to a stop on the old tile floor. Of course he had been terrified but now that he was alone and thinking about it, he could barely breathe. _Is this what a panic attack feels like? _

**Thank you for the kind words for X-NessieCullen-X and little Samuel Aiden. I know it means a lot to her! There are only a few more days left to vote for the Hope Springs Eternal contest. It is on my page under favorite authors. Please read through them and vote for your favorites. I'd really like to hear from you about this chapter and, as always, I promise to reply back to you. Your support means the world to me! LP xx**


	26. Chapter 26

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 26**

**Coming to Terms**

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, pushing past a nurse to get to his girlfriend, who was currently leaning forward on a bench outside of his sister's room with her head in her hands. He realized once he got over to her that she was covering her ears and the next instant something dawned on him that made him want to cover his own. Carlisle was arguing with Esme. Loudly.

"You are going to lose this whole family, Carlisle! Edward is holding together all the pieces that you should have! Emmett's not himself... Why can't you just be here for us?"

"Esme, please..."

"I want you to leave."

"This is a public hospital and Alice is my daughter. You want me to act like I, or anyone else, will be able to hold everything together than go ahead. Quit being a hypocritical bitch!"

Edward couldn't believe that his father had just called his mother a bitch. Taking a step towards them, he realized that him stepping in was going to help nothing. Bella was practically in tears, flinching at the anger that was seemingly rolling off of Carlisle. Taking her by the arm, he gently guided her up and into his sister's room, closing the door gently behind them. Their voices were now barely audible and Edward sank into the bedside chair, pulling Bella into his lap like always, and taking his sister's still hand. "It's okay to go, Ally. I can do this now. This isn't fair to you...or them...I know you're going to be in a better place. It has to be better than here, Al. It fucking has to be..."

Edward couldn't keep his voice from cracking and he let his sentence trail off. Bella, he realized, was holding him tightly and kissing his forehead. He brought his free hand up to rest on her non-existent baby bump but it still gave him comfort to pretend he could feel something there. After a few minutes, Bella stood and walked over to grab him a tissue. Upon her return, she remained standing until he was done and the tissue was in the garbage. Then, he pulled her close to him and touched his lips to her stomach. Edward thought of that night in bed with her, after they had eaten the Chinese meal and she had stayed the night just to cuddle with him. He also remembered how she didn't even know how to act when he had told her that was all he expected. She deserved better than him breaking into a soppy mess every time she stood beside him in the hospital.

She felt warm and calming under his lips, the cotton of her t-shirt soft as he turned his head and rubbed his cheek against her belly. He realized that her hands were fisting his hair, as if she was doing what she could to comfort him. It was working. Neither of them had noticed his parents walking in...not until his mother cleared her throat. "I see you found Bella."

"Um, yeah," Edward pulled away quickly from Bella but took Alice's hand again.

"Well, are you going to let me talk to her or not?"

Edward glanced over to Bella who just crossed her arms and took a step back. "Bells, it's okay. I think she and I came to an understanding. I'll be right in here."

Edward watched them walk away, wishing he could have said what he really felt. He really wanted to tell his mother to leave her the hell alone while he pulled his girl back down onto his lap and kept her there. He kept a brave face, though, not wanting to upset Bella even more. When Carlisle sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed and looked at him, Edward just looked up to the heavens, and shook his head.

"So when are you due?"

Bella just stared at Esme in absolute shock. "I...uh..."

"Relax. His father and I both saw you two in there. We're not stupid."

Finally having enough of this, of having to deal with her attitude, of the stress that she was under with the idea of being pregnant, of having to watch Edward break emotionally every time they came to this damn place, of being treated like she wasn't the one thing keeping Edward together, Bella snapped. Standing tall, Bella stared the bronze-haired woman down.

"About two months. At least. We just found out today for sure. I was treated like...I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. A few bad men made sure of it...but they fucked up. You can say what you want about me; that I want his money, that I trapped him on purpose, that he's stuck with me now that I'm carrying his baby, but you know what, Esme? I _really _don't give a shit. For once in my life, I am happy. This baby was never supposed to be possible but with Edward it was. I'm not going to question how, I'm just happy that it did happen. He's happy. I swear to God, if you try to break our little family apart, I will never speak to you again." Esme stared right back at her for a good minute before taking a step back, a small smile touching her lips. Bella was sick of the games. "What?"

"It's about time he found someone willing to fight to keep him."

"I love him!" Bella exclaimed, exasperated, as if that made her and Edward's slightly fucked-up relationship make perfect sense.

"Good. Look, I'm sorry about earlier. My family is something that I will die to protect and I know by the protective stance you have, that one you're doing now where y our hand is being held over a baby you couldn't _possibly_ feel yet, that you know _exactly_ how it feels. Edward's going to need you, Bella. I'm doing this now."

"What?" Bella asked, stepping closer to her, horror seeping into her heart. "Esme, what are you doing?"

"It's not right to keep Alice like this..."

"You're going to pull the plug now?" Bella knew that was the most inappropriate, tactless thing she had possibly ever said in her entire life but there was no way Esme could do this. Not when Rosalie's father was being buried the next morning.

"I've struggled with it for so long and now that Carlisle's here..."

"Rosalie isn't..." Bella blurted, knowing that Emmett was going to need her to lean on.

Esme became quiet for a long time, maybe too long, and Bella worried that she'd really overstepped some unknown boundary. Finally snapping out of it, Esme lowered her head and nodded. "I suppose you're right."

"Esme, why don't we get everyone together for dinner again? It seems to get everyone talking and I'm sure that Rosalie could really, really use the comfort of everyone right now. Maybe we could even invite her mom over..."

"No, you're right; dinner would be a great... Wait. What's wrong with Rosalie? Don't tell me she's sick...or is...is she pregnant?"

Bella stared blankly back at her, it was Bella's turn to be quiet for a few beats longer than necessary. "You don't...you don't know..."

"Know what? Bella, tell me. Did something happen?"

Bella didn't know if it was kept from her on purpose or not but she wasn't going to stand there and lie to Edward's mother, not after just being so blatantly honest with her. "David Hale's dead, Esme."

"That's not possible! His wife...Rosalie...someone would have told me, Bella. You must have heard wrong!"

"Mom, everything okay out here?" Edward asked, stepping into the hallway.

"Why didn't you tell me? Does your father know...?" Esme's voice trailed away but Edward just looked like he was relieved. Bella stood there, confused, not understanding Edward's reaction.

"Mom...we were going to tell you..."

"When? Edward how long have you known? When exactly did this happen? I can't..." Bella felt awful. It was obvious that Esme cared for the Hale's and she thought of how she would have felt had Tyler not told her about his grandmother's passing. David Hale's case was even more tragic. Now, she noted, Edward seemed to be just shocked...embarrassed even.

Clearing his throat, Edward took a step over towards Bella and took her hand. "Mom, I swear we were going to tell you. I mean...geesh...we don't even know when exactly it happened... I know it's a shocker but I don't see why you're so upset over this."

"For the love of God, Edward!" Esme blurted, wiping at her tears. "I don't mean about the baby. David. When did David die? How could no one have..."

"Wait. Dad didn't tell you?" Bella realized now what had been going through Edward's head. "Shit."

Esme looked back and forth between him and Bella and then they both watched Edward walk back into the room. Seconds later, he stepped out into the hallway with Carlisle and they walked right past them to the elevators. Obviously pissed off and becoming even more upset, Bella watched Esme's incredulous face as they stepped into the elevator and disappeared. "That son of a bitch!"

Trying to keep up with Esme, Bella followed her to the other elevator and went down to the main lobby with her. The second they were in the parking lot, she could hear Edward. "...best friend! How the fuck could you not tell her at least? How?"

"After everything that's happening with Alice, how dare you ask me that? I'm trying to protect her! I'm doing exactly what you're doing with Bella!"

Bella had only seen Edward this angry once, and it was when he was pummeling the man who had come to the club to seek her out. Red-faced, Edward shot back, "I have to be like that with her! I don't have a choice!"

Carlisle looked angry but he was keeping his voice down, he was barely whispering when he said what he did but Bella caught it...or at least enough of it. "...no choice...you got her pregnant..."

"Even before that, it's not like I can just take her out on a regular night on the town! Everything with her is being careful. I am constantly careful!"

Bella heard the disdain in his voice and couldn't help it as she stepped back and started walking away, leaving Esme three cars away from the men. Bella knew Esme was just as hurt by Carlisle as she herself had been hurt by Edward. Fifteen minutes later, she was standing on the other side of the building, watching as Tyler pulled up to where she was on the sidewalk. Hopping into the car, Tyler immediately asked what was wrong but she couldn't quite get out the words. They drove back towards his house in silence.

Bella couldn't keep thinking of the way he had spoken about her. She knew at times that it had to be frustrating, it absolutely could not be easy on him. His father was right, Edward was sort of trapped. He loved her and she knew that but he was very protective. _What if this isn't about him wanting to be with me for the rest of his life? What if he just feels bad? Now that I'm pregnant, I really didn't give him a choice...I told him I'd keep the baby no matter what. Surely he would feel stuck..."_

"Ty, can you take me over to my old apartment?"

"Bella, no," Tyler said, looking at her with a sorrowful look. "I'm sure someone else is probably living there and it was never a safe..."

"I don't want to go there. I want to go to the bookstore. I haven't been there in a really, really long time."

"Alright," he sighed. "I'll drop you off and come back for you in about an hour. I have some errands to run for James. Do you want to talk to me about what's going on?"

"No."

"I lost Bella."

Liz stared at her nephew as he stood pale as a ghost on her porch. "What do you mean? Did you two break up...?"

"No! I mean one minute she was there with my mom and the next, my mom is outside with us yelling at my dad and I go in to find her...and she's gone. I looked everywhere in the hospital, I looked in the parking lot, I looked in the buildings around the hospital..."

"Well, she couldn't have just disappeared..."

"But she could have! Liz, you know her! She's afraid to be there to begin with! She could be in a closet somewhere terrified and..."

"I'm sure she's okay."

"You can't know that! She's been making so much progress, I know that. That's kind of what I'm worried about, though! We all act like her going to see her parents was the sign that everything is okay with her. We're taking it for granted. She can't handle all this! Do you know how much time she has spent with me at the hospital? She's always worried about me because of Alice. It's so easy to forget that underneath her calm appearance she's a traumatized mess who doesn't handle certain things...I'm putting far too much on her. I'm expecting too much from her and now I've lost her!"

"Edward, please. Did you have them page her at the hospital?"

"No! I don't want a bunch of strangers looking for her. That's all she needs!"

"I'm assuming you've been calling her..."

"Twelve times, Liz. Twelve. She's not answering. What if she's having an attack..."

"Why are you crying?" Liz asked incredulously, like he was a silly little kid over-reacting over a missing toy.

"I don't know," Edward responded, wanting to roll his eyes at himself. "I'm just worried, okay? This isn't like her. Ever since I found out she was pregnant I've been a mess and..."

"So she definitely is pregnant?"Liz blurted it out like she was in absolute shock.

"Oh, I forgot...we didn't tell anyone. We only just found out..."

"Is this a good thing?"

"Probably not...you should have seen how bad it was when I took her to your doctor. She really, really wants this baby, though. I would never try to take this chance away from her...but now she's pregnant, lost somewhere..."

"Stop. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's sort of lost on purpose?"

"Is this some shit like 'everything happens for a reason'? I call bullshit on all of that. There was no reason for her to have gone through what happened to her!"

"Maybe she just needs to be _alone_ for a little while. Come inside, calm down, and we'll figure out some places that she might be. She doesn't seem to know that many people here. Is there anyone you think she might be with?"

"Bella?"

Looking up from her usual, kinky book, Bella found Jacob standing in front of her. "Hey! How have you been?"

"Good. _Where _have _you _been?"

"Oh, um, I went home to see my parents. They live pretty far..."

"Well, when did you get back because you have your boy-toy completely freaking out."

Sitting up, she set the book to the side and leaned forward, "What are you talking about?"

"Edward Cullen actually called me today, asking if I'd seen or heard from you."

"Oh."

"And now you're here. Bella, what's going on? Did he hurt you or..."

"No! It's not like that."

"Are you mad at him?"

"No!"

"Alright! I'll let it go. He sounded really upset on the phone is all. If you don't hate him, you should probably call..."

"Do you want to grab something to eat?" she asked, knowingly trying to change the subject.

"Um, I, uh, have to get going."

"You just got here," Bella reminded him quietly.

"Look, I'm not the 'other guy' type. It's obvious that you two aren't okay with each other at the moment and I really don't want to get in the middle of it. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she practically whispered, feelings of guilt eating away at her heart. "You're right. I should call him... I really didn't mean it the way it sounded. I'm just kind of hungry. I'd never try to make you the 'other guy'. I love him, Jacob."

"Then you need to call him."

Bella watched him walk away, feeling so sick in the stomach that she actually looked around for the familiar bathroom door that she'd used here a million times. Only one person could go in at a time and the door was open. It gave her a piece of mind to know that if she was going to get sick, no one would stand in her way of getting to the toilet. Jacob was right. She didn't hate Edward. She never could. He had given her himself, gotten her help when she had refused it, gave her the power to reconnect with her parents, brought her into his own family, and now...

Bella looked down at her stomach. He had given her something that she would have to cherish for the rest of her life. Whether it was something that he actually wanted or not, he had helped her create a child. Thinking about what he had said to Carlisle, as much as it hurt her, she realized that he had every right to feel the way he did. He had always done everything in his power to make things easier on her. They didn't do things like normal couples do, like go out where there are crowds or even visit a sick relative at the hospital without there being some type of episode with her. Hell, she was even afraid of his brother.

Now, he was trying to accept that he was going to be a father to a child he'd been told could not be created. Instead of becoming angry or upset, he'd taken it rather well. Bella wasn't stupid, though, the thought scared him at least a little and she also knew it wasn't exactly something he had been hoping for. Deep down, she knew she couldn't possibly blame him. He could have walked away; he could have completely crumbled under all the pressure. Now, his mother was ready to officially let his baby sister go while leaning on him as her support, his older brother was still pressuring him about things with the wedding, the person he loved was unexpectedly pregnant, and his parent's marriage was obviously on the rocks.

Jacob had told her that he was scared and upset. The fact that he'd even called Jacob showed how upset he must be; Edward knew she hadn't seen Jacob in a really long time. What was she doing? She was sitting in a comfy little bookstore, asking another man out to eat, and letting him worry. Looking out the cloudy window, Bella watched as a couple walked down the sidewalk holding hands and laughing about something. The man seemed to be on top of the world and he was definitely in love. Bella knew Edward was without a doubt in love with her but she had never seen him happy that way. That needed to stop.

Setting her book to the side, Bella checked that she had enough money in her pocket and swallowed hard before stepping outside to hail down a cab. Her demons were in her past. The relationship she had built with Edward Cullen could no longer be about her running from them. Thinking back to what he had said to her before, about her not becoming his tragedy, had a whole new meaning. Just like she needed him that night at his apartment, the night she woke up hysterical and afraid, he needed her now.

Unlike before, now it had to be his choice on whether or not they stayed together. It was wrong for her to leave without having heard him out herself. Now, with her hand firmly placed on her stomach, she prayed that he would choose to accept her and the baby both. Either way, whether he would accept them both with open arms, or if she would have to just take the baby and go back to Washington because he just couldn't deal with it, it had to be his decision.

Stumbling out of the cab, Bella made her way into his apartment building, knowing that she had a lot of apologizing to do and unable to do it over the phone. She had sent both him and Tyler a text saying that she was safe and on her way to Edward's apartment after she left the bookstore. As she went to unlock his door, the sound of the elevators opening and footsteps banging down the hall startled her. With a hand still on the door, Bella turned and found herself caught up in a strong, desperate embrace. "Bella, baby, I've looked everywhere for you! I was so worried..."

Trying her damnedest to choke out she was sorry, she clung to him as well. Getting the door open, Edward unlocked the door and pulled Bella into the apartment with him. "What happened? Mom and dad got into it again and I went back in to where I left you inside and you were gone. Bella, I am so, so sorry! I never should have walked away from you like that when you were in there! I know how scared you are and it wasn't fair of me to take all of this progress for granted! We're all putting too much on you and it stops. Right now. Liz and I talked today and I'm going to talk to my family and..."

Bella couldn't believe what she was hearing, reaching up, she covered his mouth with her hand. "Stop."

He looked at her with surprise but didn't say another word. Taking a deep breath, she cleared her throat and said, "This was _my_ fault. I heard what you said and I just don't want you to feel..."

"You heard what?"

Bella stopped talking and looked at him for a little longer than she'd planned. "Uh, nothing... I just panicked and ended up at the bookstore and Jacob was there and...I asked him to dinner..."

She realized what she said before it was out of her mouth. Edward realized it, too. Bella wanted to throw up. "You asked him to dinner?"

"It wasn't...that came out wrong! I was hungry and I wanted to eat something..."

"Bella, please. Just stop. Take a deep breath and tell me what the hell is going on."

"I don't want you to be stuck," she half-whispered through her voice cracking. "I don't want that for you. That's why I left the first time and now there's a baby and I don't want you to not have a normal life. I want you to be able go out at night and go to clubs. I want you to have a...to have a choice."

Letting out a loud sigh and tilting his head to look at her in frustration, Edward leaned back against the closed door. "That's what all this is about?"

"I heard you two arguing. Edward, you've done so much for me. I love you and I never thought I'd ever say that to anyone other than my family. Now, I'm pregnant...and I'm scared..."

"Bella, come here," he whispered, pulling her into a tight hug. "I don't know what you heard but I was angry with my dad. He doesn't think about others very often and it just frustrates me when he doesn't think about others_ at all_. I'm not going to lie though, love, you can be frustrating."

"I'm sorry..."

"Shh. No. Do you know why?"

"Because I'm paranoid and belong in the loony bin but you won't put me away and save yourself the trouble?"

"Bella...no," he replied, now slightly amused, "it's frustrating because I'm afraid if I don't...that you'll leave me."

"I..."

"Did you do something that would upset me with Jacob Black?" he asked softly, as if trying to reason with a frightened animal.

"No...really...that came out so wrong! I went to the bookstore because I heard you talking to your dad and it hurt. I needed some space so I left. Jacob ended up there and he was trying to talk me into calling you but I was still hurt and I was hungry so I thought I'd see if he wanted to grab something to eat..."

"Bella, that's what you meant about asking him to dinner?" Edward asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah." _Wow, Bella, could you be much more of an idiot?_

"You can't keep doing this. I don't mean about getting hungry and going to get something to eat with Jacob. I mean this running thing. You do realize, Bella, that you are carrying my baby around in there with you, right?" Bella couldn't help but smile at his soft, playful tone and the way he reached down to place his hand on her belly.

"Of course I realize that..."

"Then you can_not_ run anymore. Understood? Bells, if you don't want to marry me, I get it. If you don't even want to live with me, we'll deal with it. I'd like to say that you can go out with other people but that would really suck for me so I can't agree to that. Just please, the next time I hurt your feelings, tell me what I did wrong. You can't keep leaving me like this. Do you want me to have a heart attack? Besides, as far as the loony bin goes, I stopped in the psych ward looking for you and they're pretty full so I guess that means you're stuck with me, Swan."

Bella gave him a small smile."I guess I already knew everything I heard you say to your dad. You've been such a good guy about all of this that it was the first time since we started being...together...that I heard you say it out loud...and that's okay. I know I'm not normal and sometimes I'm sure you wish you could just stick me in the psych ward but I guess I also know you would never actually do it. I'm sorry for leaving like I did today. You're right, that's not fair to you. There's a lot about this relationship that isn't fair to you, though. I'm trying really hard to be as normal as possible."

"Normal schnormal. If I wanted normal, well, I hate to break it to you but no one is normal. I'd be rather lonely..." he mused playfully.

"So you don't hate me? For being kind of crazy, for running away, for getting pregnant..."

"I love you; therefore, I love this child. I would never hate you for that. I love the craziness; it keeps me on my toes," he smirked before cupping her face in his hands. "I truly do hate the running, though. I can deal with anything you could possibly throw at me except I feel that I'm going to turn around and you'll be gone for good. It's terrifying...and you're starting to make me a bit paranoid over it. So, no more, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"Now, did Jacob take you to get something to eat?"

"No, he went all high and mighty on me. He said something about not wanting to be the 'other guy'." It was Bella's turn to smirk this time.

"Good, but still, you need to eat. How about a little Chinese? Just the three of us."

Bella looked at him, confused for a minute before laughing at herself. "I'm not used to this yet. Your baby and I would both love that. I had mentioned all of us eating together tonight to your mom, like your family..."

"Yeah, I doubt that's happening. Mom and dad are still arguing and I would have heard about dinner by now if it was going to happen. Come on, Bells. Let's just enjoy being...us...together."

**Thanks so much to those that support me! You know it means a lot but you can never know just how _much_ it means! Baby Aiden is home with his mama and completely adorable! See you in a week ;) Please review! Letzigprincess xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 27**

**Guys Night Out**

After eating dinner, Edward and Bella stopped at Jasper's new apartment to see the place. Bella couldn't help but tear up when they found the two of them standing in front of a picture of Alice; both of them were looking at it like it was the most interesting thing in the entire world. After Jasper realized Bella was back from her trip to the bathroom, he turned around and led them into the kitchen. "So, have you talked to Esme lately?"

"Not about Ally. I think we're still planning for Saturday. I'm sorry, Jazz..."

"Remember when you first found out about my wanting to be with her? You flipped..."

Edward just chuckled and shook his head. "I wanted to kick your ass. You were my best friend...and I overheard you two talking about seeing each other and I may have overreacted..."

"Well, I couldn't get her pregnant," laughed Jasper, his smile not reaching his eyes.

"This kid," Edward said, taking Tommy in his arms, "is your son. I don't care who would try to argue that point. He's yours, man."

Watching Edward interact with the baby made Bella smile and it felt good to see him so happy. She thought of what he said to Carlisle earlier, about not getting to do normal things and she wondered when the last time Jasper had been out of the house besides work, visiting Alice, or something with Tommy. While there was no way in hell she could handle being in a bar at this time of night-she had tried with Jake a while ago and decided not to do it again, she could offer it to them. "Um...if you guys want to go out for a little while tonight, I could keep an eye on Tommy."

"Bella, you don't have to do that," Jasper said, looking down at his son.

"No, I think you guys could both use a break."

"What about you?" Edward asked, obviously concerned and taking her hand with the arm that wasn't holding Tommy.

"I'm sure I'll be fine for a couple of hours by myself."

"You two really should get a little break. I'm exhausted anyway, Edward. I'll stay here and play with Tommy, put him to bed, and relax a little."

Bella watched a small smile form on Edward's face as he looked at Jasper, waiting for a response. Jasper glanced at each one of them, including Tommy, before returning the small, uncertain smile. "Alright. Not too late..."

"My thoughts exactly," agreed Edward, kissing Bella on the lips and then Tommy on the forehead. Jasper just held his arms out, taking Tommy and pulling Bella in for a hug. Forty minutes later, the baby was back in Bella's arms and Jasper finally seemed to be able to walk out the door without turning around to remind her of 'just one more thing'. Watching the guys walk out, Bella carried Tommy over to the couch and cuddled him close. "We can do this, little buddy. Just you and me tonight. I have to tell you, your daddy picked a very nice place for the two of you. I bet your mommy would have been so, so excited."

"You know, buddy, your momma was so excited to meet you and I know when you grow up you'll miss her but you have a whole family of people who love you. Right now, though, your daddy and Uncle Edward need you and me even more than we need them. Sure, we couldn't live without them but we're what they're living _for._ What do you say, Tommy, are we partners?"

Bella laughed out loud as the baby gave her a huge gummy smile and kicked his feet happily. "Just think, you're going to have a little cousin to play with soon. No worries, though, you'll always have your Uncle Edward wrapped around your little finger. We all love you so, so much. Tonight, though, our two favorite men need a break and we're going to enjoy some peace and quiet."

"Edward! Can you hear me?"

Edward turned to face his friend, trying not to laugh. "I can't hear anything!"

Jasper nodded towards the front door and Edward followed him. Once they were out of the loud club and on the sidewalk, Edward shook his head and couldn't stop the laughter. "Come on!" he called, darting across the street and into a quiet, neon-lit bar.

"God, when did that become too much for us?" Jasper laughed back, pointing back to where they came from as Edward ordered them each a beer.

"If I wanted to deal with that, I would have gone into work and helped Emmett tonight. Besides, I think maybe we just have a little too much going on for that to be what we want to do with our night." Edward grinned, sipping his beer and sitting back to relax.

"Too fucking much... I still feel bad for leaving Bella with the baby by herself."

"She wouldn't have offered if she didn't want to do it and don't worry, I plan to have us back there in a couple hours. I don't want her alone that long, especially in a strange place."

Edward noticed Jasper looking at the shelves of alcohol and giving a small, sad smile. "You know, I used to sneak Ally alcohol all of the time during the parties we used to have. You and Em would always get so pissed at me. I loved her then. I loved her since the first time you introduced me to her..."

"I know, man. Didn't she always drink strawberry vodka and sprite?"

"Yeah. It was all she could handle. I made the mistake of letting her have some strong whiskey and she threw up about ten seconds later."

Edward just smiled and motioned to the bartender. "I'll take two strawberry vodkas with sprite."

Jasper just smirked as the man set the clear drinks on the bar in front of them and Edward paid for it. Grabbing a cup each, Edward and Jasper knocked the cups together. "To Ally, the girl who will never drink legally and it's a damn good thing she got to indulge at a younger age because of us! May we all get through this and may she go on to somewhere better where she can watch over Tommy happily," Edward toasted.

He pretended he didn't see Jasper start to cry as his friend looked away to hide the tears. When he regained his composure, he looked back to Edward. "So, when you puttin' a ring on Bella's finger? She's already got you wrapped around her pinky."

Edward just shook his head and sipped his clear drink. "I, um, I don't know. If it were up to me, I'd take her to the courthouse tomorrow and finalize things but she said she wanted to get married on our own terms..."

"Well, if you want it and she wants it, why would it _not_ be on your terms?"

Edward pulled out a cigarette and lit it before answering, running a hand through his hair. "We found something out recently that I think is an even bigger commitment..."

"Are you moving to Washington?"

"No...but I might be. I don't know for sure. We aren't really telling anyone but I think the whole family knows so..."

"Man, what? Is she sick?"

"No. She's pregnant."

Jasper choked on his drink. "You knocked her up? _You're_ going to be a dad?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward asked, feeling a little offended.

"Edward, you're smoking as we speak, you drink more than me and Emmett both... I mean, you help with Tommy a lot but are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Okay, so maybe my habits aren't good ones...and it's not like it was my _idea_ for us to get pregnant. It just _happened_ and Bella is so happy..."

"Are _you_ happy?" Jasper asked, cupping Edward's shoulder and shaking him a little.

Edward honestly didn't know how to answer. To be honest, 'happy' wasn't the first word that came to mind. The words 'terrified', 'responsibility', 'money', and 'stability' popped up first. Then, in the background there was 'happy'. It _was _there. The idea that he and Bella managed to create another human being was pretty amazing and he felt insanely protective of not just Bella, but the child she was carrying. "Jazz, I am happy. I mean, I'm terrified as well, but I really, really want to give this opportunity to Bella."

"She is amazing, isn't she?"

"God, I love her, Jazz."

"So what are you two going to do? Is it just going to be long distance for the rest of your lives? Alright, Edward Jr., we're going to see your dad for the first time in eight months..."

"Not funny. I don't know when she's going to go home but I absolutely dread it. I can't tell her that, though..."

"No. You _can_ tell her! I mean, you love her. She's going to have your baby. Do something, man!"

Edward was a little taken aback by Jasper's conviction over the matter. "Alright, Romeo. What do you suggest I do."

He watched as his best friend shrugged and in the most nonchalant voice answered, "You should marry her. Get a place of your own. Start your family."

"It's not that simple," Edward chuckled nervously.

"Edward, don't ever take something for granted. She could be here pregnant and happy and making plans today and tomorrow..."

Swallowing hard, he nodded in understanding. "This isn't about Bella anymore is it?"

"No. It is. Alice would have wanted you to be happy. You need to take Bella and your new little family and do what makes _you _happy. Your parents, Emmett, Tommy, and I? We'll be okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. What you _want_ to do. I'm serious; you should never let yourself think that you'll be happy _someday_. That you'll be accepted _someday_. I know how that feels and I can promise you that it's not guaranteed."

"I really, really wish that Alice would just pull through or that this would all just end up being a nightmare."

"I've reached my quota for the night...of thinking about it. I want to go home."

"Yeah. Sure."

"Hey, Jazz?" Edward asked as they headed out of the bar and into the bitter wintery night, the cups empty and their beers forgotten.

"Yeah, man?"

"If I marry Bella, will you be my best man?"

"_When_ you marry Bella, nothing could stop me...not even that enormous brother of yours. I'll start looking for a kid's size tux for Tommy. You'll need a ring bearer."

Edward and Jasper practically tiptoed into the apartment and found Bella sound asleep on the rocking chair in the baby's room. Jasper just patted his arm, looked in on Tommy, and then left the room to give them privacy. "Bells, hey, wake up." Jolting awake, she grabbed onto him, and he realized she was shaking. "It's okay. You're alright..."

"I'm sorry," she whispered and Edward could tell she was really groggy.

"Come, let's get you home. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

After getting her back to his apartment, she was a little more awake but dosed on his arm as they stood in the elevator. It wasn't until he helped her out of her boots and jeans and into bed that he pulled her close. "I love you, Bella."

Clearing her throat, Bella rolled so that she was facing him and opened her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?" he chuckled.

"You just seem...I don't know. Did you have fun with Jasper? Where did you go?"

"We started at a club but it was too much like being at work for me and we couldn't hear each other so we went to a small bar and had a couple drinks. It was nice getting to talk. I told him about the baby."

"It worries me that you look like you want to find the nearest door and run. Edward, if you don't want this, please tell me. I need to know now, though."

"Why? So you can leave before getting more attached? That isn't fair."

"Where is this coming from?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. It's late and I'm tired and nothing is going to change the fact that I love you and I'm already learning to love this baby. I'll be here in the morning, so will you, and so will it. Let's get some sleep."

"Yeah, and Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I know this wasn't what you wanted but thank you for giving it to me."

His heart melted a little and he bent over to kiss her cheek before smoothing her hair back and cuddling into her. "Goodnight, love. Tomorrow, Mom and Jasper think it would be best if we all spend the evening together. David's memorial service is at one, we're going to have dinner together after. Besides, we're saying goodbye to Ally on Saturday. We should be together."

Friday morning was rough for Bella. Edward was up at what seemed like the crack of dawn, showering and getting ready to go to Twilight Moon to help Emmett out. Bella knew that once things were said and done with Alice, he'd be working a lot more. This 'work when you want to life' wasn't going to work for them forever. In fact, it wasn't very realistic at all. Snacking on some crackers while trying to settle her stomach, Bella decided that she should probably call her mom. While they'd been talking pretty frequently, her parents still didn't know about the baby. She didn't know exactly what to say or how to say it and she definitely didn't want to do it over the phone.

"Bella, good morning! How are you?"

"Hey, mom. I'm good. I'm thinking maybe two Monday's from now I'll fly home for a week or so. I was going to come back this weekend but they're taking Alice off life support and I can't leave Edward right now. I also don't want to miss the funeral."

"Take your time, honey. We miss you, though. I have to head out to work but tell Edward I said hello and give him a hug for me. I can't imagine how hard this must be on his family. If you guys need anything, let me know."

"Thanks, mom. I love you. Tell dad I said hi."

"Will do."

Hanging up, she somehow found the motivation to get dressed and call Esme, who then invited her to come over to the house for lunch. So, at eleven o'clock, Bella got a cab and rode down to the comfy brick house to visit. Things were still awkward between them but Bella wanted to win her over. They were both too important to Edward to hate each other forever. "Bella, I'm glad you're here. How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. Thankfully, I don't get too sick but I'm tired a lot. It's exhausting."

"I remember when I was pregnant with Edward. It just felt like standing up was the most strenuous thing in the world to do. Emmett and Alice both had me throwing up practically around the clock but not Edward. He was always an active baby, too. He'd kick and punch...I should have known what was coming with him. He's always been so over-active."

"Are you really okay with this, Esme?" Bella asked quietly, sitting down in the kitchen chair Esme gestured to. "About Edward and I having a baby?"

"I know I was a bitch to you at the hospital but you have to understand that it's hard for me to be there and I hardly have any support at all from Carlisle. Edward's actually been carrying this family lately and I realized as well that he is happy. You know, I put so much stress on Ally when she told us she was pregnant-and even more on Jasper-but it was the most pointless arguments in the world that we had over it. A baby is coming. My son's flesh and blood. I learned my lesson with Alice. I won't push Edward away like that."

"That means a lot to both Edward and I. He loves you very, very much. He loves the whole family."

Esme smiled a wry smile, "We love him. I'll never forgive myself for how I reacted when he was arrested, it's just hard. It's hard for a parent to accept that their child made a mistake. Even if he didn't hurt Jane-and I know he didn't, he still shouldn't have hurt that man that way. He just becomes so angry and it makes me nervous that he'll hurt someone he loves. I know in my heart that he wouldn't but it's still a thought, ya know?"

"I've spent a lot of time around dangerous men but I trust Edward more than anyone else I've met in my entire life. I trust him more than I even trust myself. It is a little scary, though...because...well, I don't think he's exactly thrilled about becoming a father."

"When a baby is created and it's not planned, men rarely are thrilled. He'll come around. Men don't bond to their babies like women do, especially not before they can even be seen on an ultrasound. This baby is a part of you and because of that, I'm sure he'll grow to love it. Irrevocably."

"I hope you're right. I can't lose this baby, Esme. I wasn't even supposed to be able to have a baby but I love him more than...God, I love him."

"Are you planning to marry?"

"Not right now. I'd love to but I don't want to rush him into anything. I don't want to act like it's a shotgun wedding. I want to get married because he loves me...and no other reason."

Esme patted her hand and stood up, looking like she knew something that Bella didn't but chose to remain silent about it. "Well, I'm going to go check on the soup."

The snow was falling hard and Edward called Bella around twelve asking if she was dressed for the funeral. When she told him she was, he told her to stay at his parents' and he would pick her up. He didn't want her out on the roads anymore than she needed to be. In the end, Jasper, Tommy, Bella, Edward, Esme, and Carlisle all met at the Cullen household and followed each other over. Emmett was already with Rosalie, offering support the best he could.

The memorial ceremony was almost two hours long and Bella ended up taking Tommy out to change and feed him towards the end. Of everyone there, she knew David the least. Still, the service was hard to watch and Bella wondered how the hell she'd be able to handle Alice's. She also knew Alice the least but she felt like the girl was part of her family. Esme and Carlisle actually rode back to Rosalie's with Rosalie, her mother, and Emmett. Emotionally drained, Bella just wanted to go back to the apartment and comfort her love.

When they finally got home, Edward guided her over to the couch and put his hand in hers. He was really quiet and she poured him a drink to take the edge off a little. He just looked lost, sitting there looking at her like he couldn't possibly handle anymore stress. She was grateful the plan to eat dinner with everyone was pushed to a brunch the next morning because Bella just wanted to keep Edward to herself, hold him, and try to make him feel a little better. She knew that he didn't need sex. He needed comfort, cared for, and to know that she was going to do whatever she could to be there for him. She owed this to him after all he'd done for her. That night, they settled into bed and he pulled her towards him to rest his hand on her belly. It would stay there for the rest of the night.

Unable to sleep but also unable to leave Edward, Bella laid awake for hours that night. She had been through so much in her life and all she had wanted was for it to be a horrible nightmare. Since coming to love Edward, though, she knew that had she not gone through what she had, she never would have met him. It wasn't fair but the thought made her sick. He was her entire world now and she couldn't believe that for once in her life, she felt slightly at peace with what had happened to her.

Looking at Edward's sleeping, anxious face and feeling him protectively holding his hand to her belly, she knew she would do anything for him. What was happening with Alice was unfixable and nothing she could do would ever make it better. She would give anything to be able to, though. She would go through the hell she suffered for two years of her life all over again if it meant that she could take away this pain he was feeling. This man meant everything.

**I'd really love some loving after this one! Please, please let me know what you think :) Letzy xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**~Disclaimer: You made need tissues and PLEASE read the author's note!**

**Chapter 28**

**Being Impossible**

After attending the funeral for David Hale, Bella truly didn't know how this same group of people was going to be able to survive Alice's death. As much as she was grateful to Edward for everything he'd done for her, she didn't know if he was strong enough to handle this. As everyone arrived in Alice's room the next morning, each of them said their own goodbyes and then seemed to fall into position. Jasper and Esme each held one of her hands, Carlisle stood beside Esme on Alice's left, Rosalie and Emmett were staring at each other from opposite sides, and Bella hung back a little, standing at the corner of the bed by Rosalie. Edward was holding Bella's hand, standing at the foot of the bed, looking like his world was ending.

When two doctors that had been taking care of Alice and three nurses came in, Bella knew this wasn't a normal happening. Alice had touched a lot of people-and those people had asked permission from Esme to be there for the goodbye. Bella was also fighting the instinctual urge to get away from the room full of people, which included men in white coats. As bile rose to her throat, she prayed that she wouldn't throw up in front of everyone.

_Edward. Edward needs you. Stay. You can do this. Keep breathing. _Feeling his hand tighten on hers, she was unable to tell if it was in response to her squeezing harder or if he just needed the support. Bella found that she couldn't look at Alice. Liz and Pete stepped into the room then and Bella tried to focus on them handing Tommy to Jasper and nodding a hello to the solemn group. As one of the doctors and two of the nurses left, Bella felt someone bump her lightly by accident and she couldn't help but jump a little. Her thoughts funneled back to pushing through this. Still, the doctor was now standing to the side of her and she felt sick.

Forcing her eyes to now remain on the white corner of the bed, she gripped Edward's hand, desperate to remain there for him. There were sounds around her as machines ticked off and Esme began to sob but she refused to look up. At a distance, or so it seemed, Edward was saying something to her and it wasn't until someone touched her shoulder that she started and her eyes shot towards the person who was now talking to her. It was Liz and she could now hear what Edward had been trying to tell her. "Bella, hey, go with Liz. Go."

Feeling like a failure, Bella's shoulders dropped and tears began to pour but she pushed past everyone and made her way out the door into the bright, white hallway. Liz was there seconds later and had her wrapped in an embrace as Bella's tears soaked her blue shirt. "Bella, you're okay."

"It's not me! I need to be there for _him_! God, I'm so fucking pathetic! I just panicked and I know it's stupid..."

"It's not stupid. It's okay to be scared. Edward understands, Bella. You should have seen him when you left, you being in the same _state _is what's getting him through. He loves you. Unconditionally."

"I just wanted to be there for him. I need to go back in, Liz..."

"Bella, look at me. He does need you but he's really going to need you when it's time to go home. We both know he wants to protect you all the time. It's not going to help him if you're in there and panicking. He doesn't want to you to go through that."

Bella heard a sob and looked up to see Pete ushering a thoroughly shaken Esme from the room and down the hall past them. Carlisle came out shortly after, followed by Rosalie and Emmett. Looking to Liz as if asking permission, she saw the woman give her a reassuring nod and that was all it took for her to step towards the room. Edward was in there with Jasper. Edward held Tommy close to him, humming to his little nephew but not taking his eyes off of his sister. Bella let him have this time, staying in the doorway and observing. She felt like she was a ghost but she knew that Liz was right. There was nothing she could do that wouldn't upset him more. He needed to do this without having to worry about her well-being. For once, this had to be about what was best for_ him_.

When Jasper finally took Tommy back, Edward leaned in and kissed his sister cheek and then her forehead, rubbing her cheek where he had just kissed. The doctor patted him on the back as he made his way over to Jasper, who had completely given up trying to hold back tears. Edward then pulled his best friend into a tight hug, though careful of the baby. Edward still hadn't shed a tear and that's what worried Bella. She backed out of the doorway just as he was about to turn to face her, she didn't want him to worry about her. Sitting down on the bench just outside the door, she watched as he walked past her and went over to Liz. "Bella...is she okay? I shouldn't have..."

Liz nodded behind him and patted his arm before going into the room to see her lost niece. Bella made eye contact with Edward for the first time and the tears began to pour. His face scrunched up and Bella was almost sure the tears were bound to follow. Instead, though, he actually told her he was sorry. Shaking her head, Bella kissed him on both cheeks and then his lips. "Don't you dare worry about me right now."

"I want to go home," his voice was strained and it almost sounded like he was trying to tell her that but his tongue was too swollen to speak. He looked devastated and his eyes were almost blank, like he wasn't really looking at her.

"Okay. I'll drive. Give me your keys."

Bella knew it was only a matter of time. In fact, she expected a total breakdown from him before they even got back to the apartment. It didn't come. They got through the door and she got him a glass of water, sitting down with him on the couch. Looking over to the tissues, she kept them on hand in case it started. Still nothing. They made it through two sitcoms and the ordering of a pizza. Neither of them were hungry and together they didn't even eat half of the medium-sized pizza. Still, he didn't fall apart. Just before eight o'clock, he got up and told her he wanted to grab a shower. The tone of his voice had changed but she didn't push things, figuring he probably just wanted to relax.

When it was nearly an hour later and the water was still running, Bella couldn't ignore it anymore. Afraid of what she would find when she opened the bathroom door; she put a hand on her stomach as if drawing energy from her unborn baby, and then bumped the door open. What she found surprised her-no foggy mirrors or steam of any sort. Assuming that hot water had run out, Bella tried to see through the sliding glass door but was only able to make out a naked outline of Edward. Sliding it a little so that she could peak in, her heart nearly stopped when she saw him.

Edward Cullen, the man who had been her rock and savior, now leaned into the wall that faced her. He was face first against it, holding onto the little towel bar that was hung there. His hair wasn't completely wet but some of the ends that usually stuck up were plastered down across his forehead and one of his cheeks. The water touched only one side of him and had formed rivulets along his muscled back. Bella watched, desperately trying to regain her breath, as Edward's muscles clenched and unclenched. Upon closer examination, she realized he was shaking and to add even more horror, the cold water was turned on full and the hot water hadn't been touched.

Bella just stood there dumbstruck, unable to even imagine what to say to him. It felt like she was dying herself as she watched her avenger completely broken and devastated. Her love for him had never felt more real to her. Then, as another sense came back to her, she heard him before she saw his face. He was sobbing. "Edward..." she whispered, reaching out to touch his back.

In surprise, he turned to face her but just stood there. It was almost like he was in shock. Stepping back, Bella opened the other side of the glass and turned the hot water on before stripping out of her own clothes. Stepping carefully into the shower, Bella cupped his face and kissed his lips gently. He didn't make a move at first and she began to wonder if he even realized she was still there. After a few more seconds, he stepped out of the water and pulled her into him. The tight hug meant nothing sexual, he was getting comfort from it and Bella squeezed back, trying her damnedest to help him as much as she could. "I love you, Edward. I'm right here and I love you so much..."

Resting his forehead against hers, he squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again. "I love you..." Then dropping to his knees, he pulled Bella's body towards himself again and put his spread hand on her lower belly. "...and I love you. God, I do. I love you both so fucking much..."

Bella literally had no idea what to do. He was practically choking he was sobbing so hard and as he crouched, naked in front of her, she truly felt helpless. To see him in that kind of emotional pain made her physically sick. Still, as upset as he was, he was going on and on about her and their unborn child. Unable to take so much as a step away from him, Bella grabbed the shampoo bottle and knelt in front of him, pushing his head back under the water.

After letting him cry himself out and rinsing the shampoo and soap from his hair and body, Bella wrapped him in a towel and pulled him into her. They sat that way for a long time, slightly chilled and wet on the floor of the bathtub. Bella ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him with little pecks every few seconds; he just clung to her. The roles that they had become familiar with had been twisted and Bella didn't know how to respond or what to do next. He'd always been the one to take care of her.

Finally realizing that it probably wasn't a great thing for them to both be shivering and wet, she stood and he followed. She could tell he was a little off-kilter still but the crying had subsided and he just looked really, really tired. Bella hardly slept for a second night as she lay awake watching over him. The next morning, he woke up and went into the kitchen to make them some hot tea and pancakes. Bella's appetite had picked up, probably due to the baby, and they both ended up eating four each. He was quiet all morning and they had even eaten in silence. Finally, though, just as he was getting ready to put his shoes on, he turned to her. "I'm sorry about last night. I was...that wasn't me."

"Yes. It was. You were really upset over the death of your little sister, Edward. That was you and I love you all the more for it. I'm just glad I was here."

When they got to his parents' house, Edward seemed to snap out of that vulnerable man he was last night and took charge. Every so many minutes people were dropping off covered dishes and he was the one who would greet them and tell them thanks. While Edward carried one dish after another into the kitchen, Bella sat at the table with Esme. A box of tissues sat in front of the broken mother and Bella was wondering if there was another box somewhere in the house since that one would be empty any minute at the rate Esme was going. Carlisle was on the phone with someone talking about the funeral and Emmett was on his way over with Rosalie. Poor Rose had dealt with two close, in-the-family deaths. Bella didn't know how any of them were still standing.

After sitting around in silence and playing with Tommy, the family decided to heat up some of the sympathy food and everyone picked at it. It wasn't until his father brought up the funeral that Bella came up with an idea. At Tyler's grandmother's funeral, there had been a beautiful collage made up by Tyler's cousin. It was a tri-fold board with baby, school, vacation and wedding pictures. It reminded Bella of the intricate scrap-booking pages she had made with her mother when she was younger. After mentioning it to Rosalie and Esme, the two automatically agreed that it would be a good idea. The guys were occupied with a deck of cards and beer; Bella was pretty sure they hadn't even noticed the girls leaving the room.

Getting to work, Esme was picking pictures out of the stacks of photo albums in the upstairs office and Bella arranged them while Rosalie stuck them on. Using tissue paper and other scraps of material she could find, Bella added some embellishments to it and they had a beautiful collage in no time. When they were done, Esme pulled both girls in for a hug. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, kissing them both on the cheek.

"What in the world do you have to be sorry for?" Rosalie asked, just as quietly but trying to lighten the mood.

"I've been a royal bitch to both of you. It's just that I was losing my daughter and my sons were trying to bring in two more. I just... I don't know why I acted like that and I'm truly sorry. Those boys are very important to me and I've put too much on Edward and I've let Emmett slip away completely..."

"Em hasn't gone anywhere," Rosalie put in.

Bella stayed quiet, not knowing what to say, until Esme turned to her. "And Bella, I know I said things I shouldn't have but I really do support you...and my son's relationship. I'm happy that he found you. I also don't think the timing for a baby is all that great but I'm proud of both of you for being responsible about it. I'm excited to meet my new grandchild."

This made Bella cry and hug Esme a little tighter. "Thank you, Esme. I know you were really stressed and I've been through a lot of things...before I met Edward...that I'm still struggling with. Things aren't really normal for me but Edward is trying to make things normal and I really love him for it."

"Well, I hope you two stay together. You're good for him."

"That means a lot to me. I know you're really close with him."

"If you two ever agree to marry, I'll be there. I promise you that."

"Are you two going to get married?" Rosalie asked, slightly excited.

"Not now I guess. I mean, right now. We probably will later. I would love to marry him but I don't want to rush him. It's like too much, ya know? I'm not going to push him into something he doesn't want just because I'm pregnant and he feels that he has to."

"But he loves you," Rosalie replied, as if that was all anyone needed. All Bella could do was smile.

The funeral was hard and Bella hadn't seen Edward drink so much in the entire time that they were together-and he wasn't exactly the most sober person she'd ever met on a normal day. It wasn't like he was an alcoholic but he liked to drink. Still, he was the one who plastered a smile on his face and stayed upbeat and happy. It was like that huge break down the night of Ally's death kind of knocked it out of his system. Of course, liquid courage helped him face the issue as well. Bella didn't mind, as long as he was okay, she was okay.

The funeral dinner brought the entire, tragic ordeal to a close and it was time to discuss the bigger issue. Tommy's custody. Carlisle and Esme went into the discussion obviously wanting to keep Tommy with them but both of her sons backed up Jasper. Bella and Rosalie tried to stay out of it but knew they would speak up if Emmett and Edward couldn't convince them.

After about twenty minutes of discussion, one minute of crying and yelling, and about ten minutes of complete silence, Bella had no choice but to hand a crying Tommy to Esme. When she couldn't quiet him anymore than Bella could, Jasper took him and Tommy immediately became happy. They all looked at the content baby and Esme sighed loudly; it led to twenty more minutes of apologies and more crying. Tommy would remain with Jasper.

As everyone began to say their goodbyes, Edward pulled Bella back down into his lap. "I have another announcement I need to make."

Bella swallowed hard, having no idea what he had to say. Everyone knew she was pregnant-with the exception of her own parents. He had also been drinking since he did a shot before the funeral with Emmett and he had continued drinking throughout the day. "Edward..."

"This weekend, I'm going to go back to Washington with Bella. As you all know, we have news to break to her parents and she's been away from home for far too long. I've been meaning to go with her out there but with Alice the way she was, I couldn't just up and leave. Bella deserves to be with her family right now and I'm sure she needs her mom with the pregnancy. I need to do what's best for her."

"Edward, baby, you're drunk. You don't have to do this," Bella started to argue. They hadn't discussed any of this and Bella truly didn't know if it was in the best interest of either of them to be traveling right now. This was all news to her and she and Esme had finally come to an agreeable relationship. Currently, though, Esme looked back and forth between Bella and Edward like she was going to cry...again.

"I want to," he argued back. Then, he turned towards Emmett and Bella knew from the look on his face as he tried to focus that alcohol was definitely not helping the situation. "Em, I can do the books online and I'm sure Rose won't mind helping with the money until I get back."

"When _are_ you coming back?" Esme asked, obviously floored by his decision.

"I don't know," he said honestly, kissing Bella's cheek.

"I think that's a good idea, Edward. You need some time away. Go take a break," Carlisle put in.

Bella didn't pay much attention to what was being said after that, slightly in shock. She did feel really and truly guilty for the fact that Edward's entire family knew that she was pregnant but her own parents were in the dark. Still, Edward coming with her to tell them was relieving and terrifying all at the same time. There was a very good chance her father would try to kill Edward.

Once they were outside, he pulled her in for a hug. "Bella, I want to do this."

"You've been drinking."

"I love you. You are having my baby. I want to be there for you."

"You do realize that my father is a police officer?"

"You're not underage. I did nothing wrong...well...nothing illegal..." he slurred a little with that one.

"You didn't do anything wrong, either. Not in my eyes, anyway. My dad will be a different story."

"All the more reason for me to be there with you."

"For the record, I think this is a really bad idea."

"Yeah and for the record, I've wanted to do this since you told me about the baby. It's not alcohol induced."

"Yeah? Well, you might want to be a little drunk to numb the pain for when we tell my dad."

Reaching for the hand that held his car keys, he pulled them away. "What are you doing?"

"Driving..." Bella looked at him confused, did he honestly think him getting behind the wheel was such a great idea?

"I'm fine."

"Edward, don't do this."

"I want to drive."

"Just give me the keys! I'm serious. Stop it." He still refused to give them to her and she was starting to not be so amused about him drinking so much. It was fine before but now he was being a total ass. "Dammit, Edward! I'm pregnant! I'm not letting you put me and our baby in danger because you're being impossible! Think about Alice! Do you want the same for me?"

Edward stopped fighting her then; a look of absolute disgust came over his face. It was disgust with himself and Bella knew she probably shouldn't have mentioned his sister. Edward then turned and vomited into the bushes outside of the house just as Emmett and Rosalie stepped onto the porch. "Woah, man. Bella, everything okay?" Emmett cringed as he stepped down to them.

"No. Your brother wants to drive me home."

"Edward, come on, man. That's the shittiest idea ever," Emmett laughed lightly, trying to joke around with his younger brother.

"Fuck you, Em. I get it."

"Rose, honey, why don't you take Bella home? I'll sober Edward up and drop him off soon. Is that okay with you, Bella?"

"Yeah. Emmett, he's just having a rough time with everything. Don't keep him away too long."

Edward was now leaning against the house and Bella realized just how much he must have had to drink. This was bad. "I won't. I'll just take him back inside and get him some coffee. I'll try to get him to eat something, too."

Bella gave the big guy a small hug and a huge smile. This wasn't about Emmett being worried that she couldn't handle his drunken brother. This was about Emmett needing time with Edward after they had lost their little sister. She was fine with it and she really needed to lie down. Emmett looked shocked over the hug and even Edward was peering at them like something crazy had just happened but was too drunk to know exactly what. As she walked over to the car, she smiled to herself. Emmett wasn't so scary after all.

Lying on the bed, dozing in and out of a very restless sleep, Bella heard the door open and close. Even though she knew that she had checked the locks about five times before going back to bed, she knew that she and Edward were the only two people who currently had a key because Jasper had given her his, old habits die hard. Ice ran through her as she forced the panic down, irritated with herself for becoming afraid. She was safe here. She knew that.

Seconds later, she heard the bathroom door open and close and heard Edward brush his teeth. When he finally came back to the bedroom, he dropped his coat on the desk chair and took off the dress pants and dress shirt he was wearing. As he sat on the edge of the bed, putting his head in his hands, and remaining silent, Bella slid over. "I thought you were asleep," he whispered.

"I can't."

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bells. I'm really, really not usually like that. I would never want to do something that could hurt you. Even if you weren't pregnant..."

"Edward, I know."

"I just don't know how to deal with all of this. I'm definitely going to man up, I swear it to you, but I'm afraid. I don't know anything about babies or being a dad or..."

"Is that what this is about? The drinking?"

"Not really. That was more to do with Emmett and I taking shots during the funeral to try to get our minds to be a little more calm. That's something else, though. That night I went out with Jasper, he looked at me like I was nuts for getting you pregnant. It's not because he doesn't approve of us but he said I drink and smoke and..."

"Edward, we have time to work through all of this before the baby comes. You aren't a chain smoker. You drink when it's appropriate-mostly. I trust you. You just need to trust yourself."

"What I if I can't, though? I want to give this to you so badly but..."

"Let's make a deal, okay? The baby is something I desperately want and I know you're unsure about it. Let me handle the baby and you can help when I need you. We'll take it slow. I think you'll see that you can handle it, though. You're going to be a really good dad. You are very passionate about things and we love each other. This baby will be able to feel that. He'll already be better off than a lot of other babies. Just trust that we can both handle this."

"I still want to go with you to Washington and I want to go this weekend. I want to get away from here for a while and I want you to be able to tell your parents about the baby. It's a win-win. Please."

"Okay. If you're sure. I really would love it, though. Thank you."

The next couple days were busy for Edward and Bella found herself kind of bored-though liking the time she got to spend babysitting Tommy for Jasper. On Thursday, after she made sure everything was packed for both of them on Friday, she loaded up Tommy and they went over to visit Edward at Twilight Moon. Rosalie took him as soon as they walked through the doors and Bella went up to Edward's office. He was sitting at his desk in front of open books but he was looking at something on the computer-which he quickly minimized so that a spreadsheet popped up instead. "Hey, I was just working on an electronic book for the accounting..."

"Edward, were you looking at porn?" Bella asked incredulously. She wasn't mad, just surprised. Bella thought back to all the times he'd been at the strip club. He never let on that he was excited by the other girls.

"What? No!"

"You look like you were caught doing something you shouldn't have. What's up?"

"I'm just doing stuff for the club..."

"Edward," Bella argued, raising an eyebrow in an 'I-know-you're-lying' kind of way.

"I, um, there's something that I'm working on...for us...but I want it to be a surprise. Okay?"

Plopping down in the seat across from him, Bella just shook her head. "Okay, okay. I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm just a little antsy about the whole trip that's coming up. Tommy's downstairs."

"Do you think they'll be occupied for a while?" he asked with a smirk.

"I don't know," Bella replied with a small, amused laugh. "How long is 'a while'?"

Edward looked at his wrist-which was watch free-and shrugged. "Like three minutes."

"What..."

Before she could finish asking him what the hell he was talking about, he stood up and came around the desk. The darkness in his eyes told her exactly what he wanted and she swallowed hard, about to remind him to be careful with her; she was carrying a baby after all. When he got to her, though, he didn't slam her against the wall like she expected. Edward carefully brought his hand up to her chest where her hair had fallen and gently pushed it behind her shoulder. Kneeling down in front of where she was sitting, he kissed her softly and she was more than accepting when his tongue wanted entry between her lips. He pulled her up with him after a few moments and carefully set her on the side of his desk that was pretty clutter free, only knocking a few things to the floor.

Very gently, he unbuckled and pulled her jeans off, kissing her in random places as he went. Bella figured he hadn't expected her to expect this and when she felt his fingers sweep over her slit and watched him check her out, she gasped as he leaned forward and got her clit with his tongue. Desperately trying to stifle a moan, Bella arched her back and whimpered. It didn't take long for her to become wet enough to satisfy him but he kept going, licking and sucking until she was seconds from release. Going against what her body was telling her, Bella actually pulled away from him a little.

He visibly paled, looking absolutely concerned as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. "Did I hurt you?"

"No! I want you..." Breathless and having trouble concentrating, Bella decided to show him what she meant, unbuckling his jeans, freeing his cock and using her legs to pull him towards her. He didn't need further instruction. They both let out a relieved groan when he entered her. He turned her so that they were long ways on the desk, more papers and things falling softly to the floor. She was grateful that the computer was pushed to the far side as he began to push gently in and out; it was almost too slow for her to stand but the feeling of it was ecstasy.

Her fingers pulled at his hair and ran under his shirt to feel his muscular abs and back while he held himself above her. Never once did he put too much pressure on her stomach and she quit worrying, letting the slow, intense rocking overtake her. The second she really let go and began to clench his shaft, she felt him begin to pulse and the thrusts intensified for a few minutes before they were both completely spent.

"Wow," Bella breathed, letting her head fall back against the desk.

"I love you."

"You were _so_ looking at porn," Bella accused light-heartedly.

"Believe what you want, love, but that was completely Bella-induced."

**I'm sorry to those who have been rallying for our lovely Ally. I hope you still like the story and please let me know what you thought of the chapter. I was nervous about updating this one because of the extreme emotions I felt I had to portray. I hope I didn't disappoint. With that said, I'm going to keep going with this story as long as I keep getting the wonderful reviews you send me. I have a lot going on right now and once summer comes, I should have more time to write-which I can't wait for! Please review and let me know what you think! **

**PS Did anyone get to watch Bel Ami? All I can say is mmmmmmmmmmmm!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) **

**Chapter 29**

**Father Meets Father**

After they finally had everything loaded in the car, they began their trip with a stop at his parents' to drop off Tommy and tell them goodbye before stopping at the cemetery. Bella knew it was hard on him, seeing the fresh tombstone with his baby sister's name carved into it. After this last goodbye, they headed solemnly to the airport-where they were immediately cheered up by an amusing toddler who was hamming it up for the strangers who were waiting in line to get their luggage checked in. The child's parents looked exhausted but Bella could tell they couldn't help but laugh along with everyone else.

With a lighter heart, Edward held Bella's hand and promised her that she could have his 'nuts' when the flight attendant who was passing out the peanuts obviously pissed her off by checking out Edward right in front of her. This caused Bella to nearly choke on her apple juice and look at him in exasperation. "So, what's the battle plan?" she asked, now serious .

"I meant the _peanuts_, Bella. I mean, unless you want to join me in the tiny bathroom back there..."

"Would you_ stop_?" she laughed. "I mean about my _parents_. Do we want to tell them right away?"

"I think we should," Edward nodded, getting serious again.

"Maybe we should just do it at the airport when they pick us up. He's less likely to commit murder in public."

"Would _you_ stop?" Edward asked her this time. "You didn't go through all that crap in your past only to fall in love with me and then have me die at the hands of your father because I unknowingly knocked you up..."

He said it loudly and sarcastically, which caused the person beside Bella turn bright red. "Sorry," Bella muttered to the white-haired elderly woman. They both seemed to decide to drop the topic altogether. He did put his arm around her then and kissed her cheek. Without it needing to be suggested, Bella snuggled into his side and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Bella spotted Charlie before she spotted her mom, probably because she was more nervous about seeing him. Edward was currently pulling their luggage from a conveyer belt and trying to hold the others that they'd already brought as carry-ons. Even though they hadn't needed the carry-ons it was cheaper for them to just keep them with them than have them loaded with the rest of the luggage. Bella felt bad for him but he wouldn't let her carry any of it.

"Bella!" Renee's voice broke through as she lunged around an obese man and nearly collided with a lanky teenager so that she could get to her daughter.

Laughing at the spectacle her mother had just made, she hugged her back and wanted to cry from joy. It was really hard being away from her mom and the more time Bella spent with her, the harder it was to want to leave. When Edward finally had all four of the bags and was making his way towards them, Bella wiped away her tears and beamed. "Mom, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my mom, Renee Swan."

Renee smiled and pulled him in for an unexpected hug as well, causing luggage to go rolling and nearly taking out a fake tree. "Alright, Renee, before you break the airport..." Charlie's voice halted when his eyes fell on the man behind his daughter.

"Dad, this is Edward Cullen..." Bella began to repeat the introductions when Charlie interrupted her.

"I figured," he said dryly, hugging his daughter and completely ignoring Edward. After a long, awkward moment of silence, Renee told Charlie to help Edward with the bags through her fake, awkward smile and Bella watched Edward swallow hard as Charlie stepped towards him and took the bag that had fallen. Bella wanted to die. This was exactly what she was worried about. It was like her dad was blaming Edward for what had happened to his daughter before the two of them had even met. It wasn't fair.

The car ride was pretty much silent with Charlie driving and Renee turned in her seat, staring at Charlie as if silently willing him to be nice-and to let him know she wasn't too happy with him. Bella looked to Edward in an 'I-told-you-so' kind of way and Edward looked like he wished he was in an ejector seat. It was now Saturday morning and traffic wasn't too bad so they made it home fairly quick. Renee and Bella could have easily gone into the house to start lunch while the guys carried everything in but it was like neither of them wanted to leave the guys alone.

While Charlie got comfortable on the couch, completely ignoring all three of them and watching some sports show, everyone else went into the kitchen. The atmosphere brightened instantly. "Edward, it's so nice to finally meet you! You're all that Bella has talked about in the couple of times she's come back to visit us. Oh, dear, I'm sorry. Edward, I'm sorry about your sister! Bella's been keeping me updated and I've been praying...I mean, you never know...I prayed and prayed for Bella to come back to us and she did..."

"Thank you," Edward said with a smile but Bella could tell he was getting a little upset. She felt bad enough already for the way her other parent was acting, she didn't need him to feel uncomfortable with Renee. Steering them away from conversation and into the task of making lunch, Bella diffused the situation and everyone worked cheerfully until it was ready and they had to face Charlie. Before they could do so, Bella went upstairs to where Edward was in the bathroom and waited for him to come out.

"So, you still want to just tell him and get it over with?" she asked sarcastically.

"No. I changed my mind..." Edward said, almost saddened by his admission.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure he'll come around."

"Yeah. Well, it doesn't change anything. It's going to take a lot more than a cranky cop to scare me away. I'm not going anywhere, Bella."

Edward kissed Bella quickly before following her back downstairs and taking a seat between Renee and Charlie, Bella sat on the other side of him at the square table. Bella wished she could be beside him, he needed the support. He looked so defeated. "So, dad," Bella began, trying to lighten him up, "what's been new down at the station?"

"Not much of anything except that we're swamped. You can't get good police officers anymore. No one wants the late hours and with budget cuts we can't really afford to hire anyone."

"It's like that with a lot of places, Dad. The economy kind of sucks."

"What do you do, Edward?" Charlie asked, almost as if he expected it to be something unimpressive before Edward even spoke.

"I help my brother run a night club in the city."

"A night club?" Charlie scoffed. Bella cringed.

"Yes," Edward responded, obviously a little hurt by the reaction.

"It doesn't bother you, Bells? Him being away all night..."

"Dad!" Bella exclaimed, royally pissed

"Actually, sir," Edward said as calmly and respectfully as possible, "I do the accounting side of it and keep the finances. I usually work during the day and help prep for the night. My brother and his fiance run it at night."

"Is that the life you want for my daughter?" Charlie asked, sounding extremely rude.

With her food completely untouched, Bella threw her fork down-something she picked up from her mother, and clenched her fists. "Enough! Dad, I don't know what the hell your problem is with him but I very well could be dead without him! You should have seen where I was living before he met me! It was this ridiculously unsafe apartment in a ridiculously unsafe neighborhood! I got all that money I showed up with because I was working in a strip club! Yes! A strip club! He was there to help me, Dad. He's a lot of the reason that I found the strength to come back home!

"He knows about my past and he still loves me! He knows that I'll never be normal and he doesn't care!I agreed to letting him come with me because he wanted to come. He _wanted_ to meet you. His little sister died a few days ago and he's here with me because there's something happening that you should know about and now I don't even_ want _you to know! He's doing everything in his power to take care of me...and I'm really going to need him because...I'm...I'm pregnant! Go ahead and scream and yell at both of us...it doesn't matter! I wasn't supposed to be able to have a baby and, now that I am, you sure as hell will _not_ be the reason I'm unhappy about it!"

Everyone seemed to be in shock and Bella stood. "Edward, we can go for a walk if you don't feel comfortable here."

"No. Why don't you go calm down? It's not good for you to get this upset. Baby or no baby. I'm sure your father has a few things to say to me." Bella was now speechless but she felt her mother take her by the arm and grab her water glass off the table. Allowing Renee to lead her up to her bedroom, Bella began to cry.

Edward sat staring at his food, unsure of what to do. When Charlie finally cleared his voice, Edward decided to just let him say what he needed to. It was obvious the man hated him but they would both have to suck it up and deal with each other. He'd been serious early. He wasn't leaving Bella over anything; sure as hell not over this. "Is everything she said true?"

"Yes."

"Edward, I owe you an apology." Feeling like he was really in the Twilight zone now, Edward opened his mouth to say something but Charlie cut him off. "I guess it's just hard for me to process everything. I mean, to not have anyone to blame for what happened to my daughter and then all of the sudden she shows up but leaves again because of this new man in her life...and in my eyes...she's still that little girl that was getting ready for college..."

"Charlie, I would never hurt her the way those men did. I _love_ her. I met her at the strip club when I was there for my brother's bachelor party. I knew then that she didn't belong there and it took a while before I convinced her to quit. I had to convince her of a lot: that it wasn't okay to not eat, that it wasn't okay to only have spoiled milk in her refrigerator, that it wasn't okay to live somewhere so unsafe, that it wasn't okay to keep twenty-thousand dollars in a drawer in that unsafe place. She became my world and I tried so hard to save her.

"I didn't even know her story. Not until the day she left me to come here. It was supposed to be permanent and I couldn't bring myself to stop her because I knew it was best for her but it nearly killed me. I would have come here to see her but my sister was dying and I couldn't leave my family. I had no idea that Bella was pregnant at that point and we would have been a lot more careful about things had we known it could even happen.

"I want this baby too but I'm young and neither of us is in the most stable place to raise a kid but I won't take this from her. Hell, I'm in love with the kid already as well. She came back to me and I have another chance with her and it's scary but I want this, Charlie. So you can hate me but I'm not walking away from her unless she asks me to herself. I'm here to stay."

"Are you planning to marry her?"

"Absolutely. I just don't know when. I don't want her to feel like she has to because of the baby." Charlie just nodded but before he could comment, Edward decided to just get on with it. There was something he needed to ask Charlie and he needed to do it soon. He couldn't keep things from Bella to save his life and knew he couldn't hide this forever. "I need to talk to you about something else."

Charlie raised an eyebrow, "You just met me, told me you impregnated my daughter, and that you wanted to marry her. What more do you have to tell me?"

"I actually have a question for you."

"Okay..."

"I want to get into becoming a police officer. I want to become someone who can truly protect Bella. I want to help find men who do the shit that was done to her."

"That's a big commitment. You'll have to go back to school or at least get into the academy...I mean it's a lot of work."

"I have to do something that will help me be better support my family. I also don't feel right keeping Bella with me all of the time hours away from you and her mom. Especially with her being pregnant, she'll need Renee. I want to move her back out here to stay permanently; I was hoping maybe you could point me in the direction of some houses that you know are for sale. I'm not familiar with the area."

"Really? You'd be willing to move all the way back here, away from your family, so that she can be near her mother and I?"

"Yes."

"Even after the way I treated you?"

"You apologized," shrugged Edward. "Besides, she's been away from her parents for long enough."

"Do you plan to eat any of this?" Charlie asked, looking at the food that no one ate on the table.

"I don't have much of an appetite, sir. I haven't since my sister passed away."

"I'm truly sorry about what happened with Alice," Charlie remarked, causing Edward to be a little surprise with how casually Charlie used his sister's name. "Come on, I'm not hungry either and I have some places in mind already. I think the two of us could use some time away from the girls. In fact, I'm a little scared of them..."

Edward chuckled and followed Charlie out of the house. Surprisingly, they didn't get into a car but they set out on foot. Edward absently wondered if Charlie was leading him away to kill him so that Bella wouldn't see it. "Is there anything in particular that you're looking for in a house? I mean, there's been a lot of foreclosures lately around here. Four in this neighborhood alone."

"Well, I know they can make a place pricey but it's important to me that the home Bella and I choose has a pool...or at least a big enough piece of property to put one in. I want her to have the things she wanted before everything happened."

Charlie stopped walking and smiled a tearful smile. Then he led Edward across the street and down another block. Finally, they came to a small, white house. It almost reminded Edward of a large cottage from its rounded shape but Charlie explained that he used to know the people that lived there and had been inside before. "There are three bedrooms on the top floor and then a kitchen, living room and bathroom. It's really not a huge place and all of the rooms are kind of small but there is plenty of room in the yard for a swing-set and a sandbox."

"Honestly, a big place would probably be a bit intimidating to Bella. She gets scared so easily. Smaller is always better with her it seems."

"Well, she'll love this place then. Follow me."

Leading Edward around to the back of the house, Charlie's face broke into a smile. Edward gasped when he saw it. Directly behind the house, in a nice, fenced-in area, was a huge in-ground swimming pool. It came complete with a slide and small diving board. There was plenty of room on the deck for lounge chairs and pool toys and a hot tub even sat covered a few feet away, enclosed by an even higher privacy gate. "This is perfect. My God, this is it."

"I could call the old owners now. They were just going to advertise it in the papers next week."

"No...as much as I think this is perfect for her, I need Bella's approval. I don't want to ever force her into doing something she doesn't want to do."

"Well, with that said, I want to know your opinion. Would it be alright if I tell Renee about the marriage thing? I swear to you I'll make sure she doesn't breathe a word to Bella. There's just something we've talked about before and I think you'll want to know about it..."

Edward was confused about what he was saying but he just shrugged. "Um, sure. Just, yeah, please don't let it get back to Bells. I'm not sure that this is what she really wants and I'm not rushing her into it."

"Bella, baby...I can't even..."

Bella watched as her mother broke down for the first time since she'd been home. Of course there were tears of relief since she'd gotten her daughter back but never did she break into sobs quite like this. Bella felt awful for upsetting her so much. She'd never meant to flip out on her father and she definitely never wanted to tell her kind mother that she was going to be a grandmother in that way.

"I'm sorry. I know that we've all been through so much," Bella whispered, tears of her own running down her cheeks.

"Sweetie, there's going to be a little baby!" Renee smiled through her tears. "I just never dreamed that you would come home and now that you're here I get the chance to see my daughter become a mother and..."

"Mom? You're happy," Bella smiled, then started laughing, relieved that she had made the wrong assumptions.

"Of course I'm happy! Oh, honey, tell me. Was it planned? Are you happy? What did Edward think? What did he say? Was he happy or did he panic? Is he still panicked?" Renee's eyes grew wider with each question and Bella found herself unable to answer all of her questions right away. Instead, she pulled her mom in for a hug and gave up trying to stop the tears.

When she finally calmed down, she pulled away. "It wasn't planned. I didn't think I could get pregnant. I'm ecstatic. Edward's a little scared but he tells me all the time how much he loves me and the baby."

"Your dad _will_ accept this. I promise you. I'll _make_ him. Besides, your dad," Renee leaned in as she began to tell her secret, "is a total sucker for babies. He freaking _loves_ them."

Bella laughed, but then her smile faded and her mom gave her a questioning look. "I don't want my baby's father to die at the hands of my father before he does accept it. I don't want you to take this the wrong way but he is everything to me. I can't live without him. I know that sounds melodramatic but I know what it feels like when you have had your entire life stripped away from you. I was lost and scared and then I met _him_, Mom. He showed me that it was okay to let go of my past and live for my future. He never gave me a choice. I had to let go of my past to be with him and I was so in love with him..."

"Oh, Bells," her mom sighed, taking her hand.

Bella couldn't help the wide grin that was on her face. She loved him. She unconditionally loved Edward Cullen. It was irrevocable and strong and it made her sick to even consider a life without him. She wanted it all and for the first time she felt she could have it. They could have a home, she could become a mother, he could be her husband, and they both had the perfect families to go to for support. She _wanted_ to marry him.

"Mom, we need to go downstairs so I can apologize to dad and talk to Edward. Actually, I need to apologize to him, too. He flew here with me so that we could tell you two together and the way I did it wasn't fair to him."

"Let's go. I'll talk to your father. We'll work everything out!"

Still all smiles, they headed down towards the dining room but stopped in their tracks to find it was empty. "Charlie?" Renee called out, striding over to the kitchen and peering in. "Where the hell..."

"I'll call Edward," Bella breathed out. She had been joking about her father murdering him but this wasn't okay. As Renee checked the porch and then yelled in that there were no missing vehicles, Bella heard Edward's phone ringing from in the kitchen. It had been abandoned on the counter.

"They're not outside," Renee said, breathlessly, coming back in.

"Should we go look for them? Maybe they just went for a walk or..."

"Let's just wait. I'm sure Edward isn't in any...physical...danger. Your father never takes his damn phone with him..."

So the girls sat and waited. Then they paced and waited. It was almost a half hour before Renee turned to Bella and smiled. "There they are!"

Relief flooded her and she ran off the porch towards them but then stopped suddenly when she saw the strangest sight. They were talking and even laughing, it was like the two guys were old friends. This was insane. "Edward, dad, what..."

"I'm sorry to scare you, baby. Your father and I wanted to go for a walk. He showed me the neighborhood."

Bella was surprised even more when Edward pulled away and her father actually hugged her. "I'm sorry, kiddo. That was just a lot to take in. I like this guy, though. I guess I'll get over it. Come on, Renee. Let's give them some time to talk."

Bella looked at her mother and that back towards Edward. He took her hand and swung it happily. "Take a walk with me?"

"Okay," Bella agreed slowly, as if still in shock.

"I talked to your dad...a lot. I think he likes me. He also mentioned something about naming the baby after him..."

Bella laughed and shook her head. "I thought he really _killed_ you. Like, _really_ killed you. You left your cell behind by the way."

"Sorry again, Bells."

"Where are we going?" Bella asked as they headed across the street.

"Just for a walk...I think your parents needs some space."

"What are we going to do? I'm happy to stay at the apartment but the baby needs a room and..." she began to gush out.

"We'll figure it out, Bella. We just got here today and I think we have plenty of time to figure it out. I promise you things will work out. I told you I was working on something for us. Trust me."

"I always trust you," smiled Bella.

"Good."

"So, um, have you talked to Esme about Thanksgiving? I kind of forgot about it until I saw an advertisement at the airport..."

"Yeah, I did want to talk to you about that. I think we should just stay here this week. We can celebrate with your parents and then head back on Monday when the traffic dies down a little."

"Really? Do you think it's a good idea to not be with your parents right now? They have to be hurting..."

"Mom and dad need time. I think it's best that they stay together and enjoy each other. It'll work out."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" laughed Bella.

"Trust in all of us. We only want what's best for you, love." Edward smiled, kissing her cheek and guided her up the stairs to her childhood home. As he breathed a sigh of relief that this was definitely something that would make her happy, he knew she was right. They _should_ be worried. They needed to figure out a plan.

As Bella kissed his cheek and said she was going to up to the bathroom, Renee pulled him into a hug and whispered to him that he needed to meet her on the porch later after Bella went to bed. He had actually planned to call his parents and everyone back home to set things into action but this seemed important. Nodding with concern, he followed after Bella and wondered what her mother had to say to him that Bella couldn't hear.

**As always, huge thanks to those who show their undying support every week! I love you guys so much! Please review. LP xx**


	30. Chapter 30

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**~Please read the author's note! **

**Chapter 30**

**"I'm What I'm Afraid of."**

Famished, everyone dug into the food after Renee reheated it in the microwave. Edward felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders since Bella was actually eating like a normal person. He could remember with a heavy heart how he used to have to force her to eat. He'd rather she be overweight than as thin as she was when he first met her. He was sure that the baby was probably helping her eat more than she normally would as well. Lying in bed later that night, having decided to head up to bed early after the long trip and rather eventful day, Edward was relieved that Bella seemed to be out rather quickly. The curiosity was eating him alive as he crept downstairs.

Stepping onto the porch, both Renee and Charlie were out there. Renee was on the swing and Charlie was standing in front of her. Patting the seat beside her, Renee called him over and actually pulled him in for a hug when he was sitting. She didn't say anything at first but there were tears on her cheeks when she finally pulled away. Charlie cleared his throat then. "I guess we have a lot to talk about. First, though, we want to say thank you. Renee gave me some of the details that Bella had given her earlier today, about how much you helped her through things...how much you _are_ helping...and we just have no idea how to thank you enough."

"It's not necessary...I didn't do it for credit, Charlie."

"No. You didn't have to do it at all. Still, you did."

With a small smile, Edward shook his head. "I never had a choice. I knew when I met her that she was different...and difficult...and I still just had to be with her."

"It had to be hard."

"It was. It still is sometimes. I mean, she's really traumatized over what happened to her and there's absolutely no way I could possibly blame her for that. We just kind of take one day at a time."

"Is she doing okay, though?" Renee asked, speaking up for the first time.

"I don't know. I'd like to think so but it's like we'll be doing really good for a while but then one little thing comes along and sets her off again. Then again, she's doing a lot better since when I first met her. You should have seen how skinny she was..."

"She was skinnier than she was the first time she was home?"

"She was practically just bones. Did she tell you that I practically had to force her to go grocery shopping? She was living in this tiny apartment and it had a refrigerator but the only thing in it was milk...and I'm almost positive it was spoiled. She would just eat whatever was around the club she used to work in..."

"A strip club," Charlie stated with a frown.

"Yeah. Take this however you want, especially with it coming from a twenty-five year old guy, but they really did take care of her there. Tyler is pretty much still her best friend and he was her bodyguard when she was working. He was actually James's boyfriend. James is the owner. Those two took her in like she was family and she was safe there. After what she went through before, as much as I hated her working there, I can see why she ended up doing what she was doing. She was used to that after being in worse situations for two whole years. I hate it but it was something she was familiar with. Plus, not many jobs pay under the table. James paid her that way without asking questions, she was afraid of being found and didn't want her name out there on paper. That's also how she came to collect all that money she brought back here. She was keeping it in that awful apartment in a drawer, stashing it away in case she had to run."

"Edward, do you know what actually happened to her? I mean, we know she was kidnapped but..."

"Renee, all I'm going to say is that things happened to her that could have kept her from having children. Anything else is her story to tell and she'll tell you when she's ready. I only want you to know that part because that's why we're both so okay with this baby right now. If it's a fluke and this is the only child she can conceive, there's no way either of us want to throw away that chance. You just never know. Besides, neither of us have the heart to terminate a pregnancy. I couldn't live with it and I know that Bella couldn't either."

"Are you okay with it?" Renee asked. "Bella says you're scared."

Edward scoffed. "Of course I'm scared! I'm desperately trying to come up with a plan but it's a little terrifying."

"Well, a plan is what we wanted to talk to you about. Why don't you tell us what you are thinking?" Renee replied.

"Bella missed you and you're the only family she really has. It's not fair, especially with her being pregnant, to take her back to the city with me permanently. I won't leave her for months at a time, though, like we're living in two separate places. I want to be here for her and for the baby. She doesn't handle being away from me very well...and I'm not that great when I'm away from her, either. So, the only logical thing to do would be to move back here and keep Bella with me. I just don't have the money on my own right now. I'm planning to talk to my parents and my brother and try to figure something out financially. I don't know how much help I'm going to need just yet because I need to talk to them and figure out what to do for work back here."

"Here's the problem. Bella was taken when she was seventeen," Renee's voice cracked a little but she pushed through it. "She doesn't have an education beyond high school. From what she's told me and from what you said, you just make money working at a night club that you own with your brother. I just feel like this pregnancy is the same as if you two were still teenagers. That might be a little unfair but money is something you're going to need. Charlie and I have been talking about things for a while now and he told me about you wanting to get into the academy-which we both think is commendable and a really smart thing to do. It's not going to be easy, though. We have a little...proposition...for you, and well, for Bella too."

Edward felt nervous as Charlie took over. "I'm going to do my damnedest to get you into the academy. I used to be chief and I have a lot of friends down there. If you can stick it out and do your best, Renee and I are going to try to take care of Bella and the baby's expenses. Renee and I never had need for a big home and this place just isn't big enough for all of us and a baby. Look, we didn't get to spend a dime on our daughter for the past...too many...years. We want to split the cost of the house with you. The house with the pool that I showed you. It would be perfect for her right now and it might be a little too much but we want to see her happy. She deserves it and this is something we want to do for her so we plan to do it. If you agree to it of course."

"If you're sure...that would be...I don't even know how to thank you..."

"Edward, you gave us our Bella back," Renee started crying again. "Let us do this. Not just for her but as a thank you to you. There is something, though that you might not agree with..."

"We want it in writing that if something was to happen between the two of you, Bella will keep the house."

"Absolutely. I told her before that I wasn't going anywhere but if she asks me to go... I wouldn't imagine leaving her to fend for herself like that. I want her to have the best chance at the best life possible."

"That's good. Also, Bella still has most of her money in the savings account. The two of you can figure out how to handle your expenses and things but just know that she does have access to that."

"Thank you. For everything..."

"There's one more thing we want to talk to you about. I don't want you to rush anything, I know how Bella feels about rushing a wedding but I have something to give you...if you want to use it. I mean, you don't have to now..." Renee was tearing up again. The woman must have a never ending tear supply. "Edward, this was my mother's."

Edward watched in shock as she pulled a tiny pouch from her jacket pocket and held it out to him. It was an old-fashioned ring with diamonds set into the sides and framing a larger, square diamond in the middle. It wasn't huge and he could see it fitting Bella's hand perfectly. It would look immaculate on her left hand. "Renee..."

"If it's too much or you want to wait, I understand. I just never thought I'd have the chance to pass this down since everything happened a few years ago and now that I do it would mean so much."

"I'd love to present that to her, Renee. Thank you. Like you said, money will be tight so this is more than I can ask. The house, the ring...all of it. Really. I just...I feel like I should be doing this...at least the house, on my own."

Edward hoped he didn't sound ungrateful it was just that it was hard for him to take handouts. Still, they were right. Bella deserved this. She deserved the perfect house and the perfect ring. Charlie just sighed and nodded. "Well, you get what you can together and whatever you can't afford for the down payment, we'll either cover half or we'll cover less if you can get it together. We'll have to wait and see what the monthly payments will be but they want forty thousand-which is a steal for that place-and a twenty percent down payment. The guy knocked ten thousand off when I told him what I had in mind. Everyone here is just glad to have Bella back. She grew up here and we all look after each other. The guy's wife has MS and can't get up and down the stairs anymore so they are going to move down South where it's warmer and get a one level house. He said we're saving him time and money by buying it outright for the forty thousand. You need to let us know what you decide soon, though."

"I definitely want it. The house is perfect and you should have seen how excited she was when she saw it. She was truly disappointed when I told her you were buying and renting it to someone else."

Charlie just laughed and Renee hugged him again. "Welcome to the neighborhood, kiddo!"

"Thanks. Oh, and, I want to talk to you about Thanksgiving. I told Bella we should stay here for it but there's something else I figured I should tell you."

He told them his plan, unable to keep the smile off of his face, and brought Renee to tears yet again. He just hoped everything worked out. Just as snow was beginning to fall and it became too cold to be outside even with their coats, Edward told everyone good night and just opened the door when he heard it. Bella was crying...sobbing really. Without much thought, he got his shoes off as quickly as possible and sprinted upstairs.

_Bella's teeth were clenched as she lay on the twin bed, not daring to even shiver as the man lay spent beside her. Her shoulder was throbbing and she absently wondered if it had become dislocated or if it was just horribly bruised. Regardless, she didn't want to look. She had to be still. The man was one that she had never seen before and she had been trying to remember the words to her high school Alma Mater when the cell doors had slid open revealing one of the guards. "Five minutes," the man bit out,tossing a bag at her head. She ducked quickly enough that it didn't hurt her-she always moved out of the way. One time it wasn't just clothes that were given to her and she ended up with a black eye from the shoes that had been in it. _

_As the door slid shut again, she stood up with much effort, her joints cracking from cold and her spine trying to get realigned after she had just sat slouched against the wall on the concrete floor for what had to have been hours. Her feet were dirty and so were the pair of sweatpants she currently wore. Reaching into the bag, her heart fell as she pulled out the corset. Leather. Leather was bad. Leather meant kink and kink usually hurt._

_With shaking hands, she took the clothing and walked over to one of the guards. Her dignity was completely gone and at this point, she would use any excuse to be clean. "I need to shower."_

_Grumbling something, he walked over and unlocked the door. "You better hurry, Izzy girl. Mike's here tonight." _

_Practically running to the communal 'shower' the girls were allowed to use when the guards felt like being nice or when they were meeting men and needed to at least appear clean, she stripped down. At this point, she knew the guards watched and truly didn't care. Her body didn't belong to her. Nothing did. Shivering in the cold water, she cleaned herself as much as possible and dried off before putting on leather. _

_A half hour later, Mike himself kissed her hard on the lips, smacked her ass, and all but shoved her into a hotel room. The man that met her was terrifying. There were toys she wasn't familiar with and what reminded her of a saw horse she'd seen her father use while he was building a shed in their yard. There were no rules, no stopping, and she had no choice. _

_Now, he was passed out on the bed beside her and she was pretty sure her arm was dislocated. Yeah. An intense pain racked her body anytime she tried to make a fist. The men had strict orders not to cause any permanent damage to them and Bella knew permanent damage didn't mean bruises or even broken bones. It meant scars...or at least external ones. Still, it was nights like this when she realized how lucky she was to have the inability to become pregnant. Tears trailed down her cheeks and settled into the fabric of her starched, hotel pillow. The wetness was contributing to the cold. Ironically, her own tears were what would betray her. Letting out the smallest of shivers, she felt the man stir. Obviously, his thing was punishment. Grabbing her by the wrist, thankfully not the one attached to her dislocated shoulder, he lifted her with him off the bed and shoved her to the floor. _

"Wake up! Wake up!" Edward pleaded, he knew he sounded desperate and breathless but she had fallen from the bed onto the floor and he was so afraid that she'd hurt herself or the baby. She'd never forgive herself if something happened to their child, even if she never meant for it to occur. "Come on! Bella!"

Just as he managed to get one arm under her and pulled her body towards his, it happened. It was as if it were slow motion. He saw it coming. His little Bella threw a punch that connected perfectly with his nose. With eyes immediately watering, he felt her more than saw her. She was still now and when he blinked a few times, he saw her pale, shocked face looking back at him in horror. "No..."

"Oh my, God! What happened? Charlie! Get up here!"

"No, Renee..." Edward tried to stop her but it was too late, she was already grabbing a towel from the bathroom and running back into them. As if she had known him her whole life, she firmly held the towel to his face and yelled for her husband again. There was a lot of blood.

Edward, desperate to see that Bella was okay, tried to get her to let him go but she kept doting. "Is it broken? Charlie, thank God! Look, do we need to take him to the emergency room?"

While the two parents talked, Edward finally broke free but Bella was no longer in front of them. "Where is she?" It came out nasally and ridiculous sounding but it got their attention. "Where's Bella?"

Pushing through the pain, he stood up and fought the wave of dizziness. "Edward, you should sit down." He felt bad but, in this instance, he wasn't listening to the intimidating man.

On wobbly legs he went out into the small hallway and called out to her. Soon, he managed to stumble down the stairs and found her curled up on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, rocking back and forth. His shirt was soaking with his own blood and he knew it might upset her more but he had to see that she was okay. "Bella," he whispered, wiping his face with the now red towel.

"I didn't hit him. I didn't hit him! I hit you but I didn't hit him!"

Edward had to admit that he'd seen her in bad shape. He'd seen her the horrific night when he found her in the elevator, he'd seen her that night they were fighting and he woke up to her screaming for him, this was something worse, though. "Baby, hey, you're okay. It was an accident. I want to hug you but I'm kind of a mess right now. Please, let's just go back upstairs..."

"I thought you were him. I thought I was finally fighting. I never fought them. Dom was right. I would have run. I would have but I didn't."

Finally having enough, Edward snapped. He would later realize that it was the worst moment, that her parents were right there, but it couldn't be helped. It was when she felt defeated and blamed herself that he couldn't deal with it. Using the most authoritative voice he could muster, he belted out one word. "Enough!"

She jumped, even flinched a little but just sat there looking up at him. It may have been harsh and uncalled for but it did work. Snapping out of the trance he seemed to just put her into, she wiped her tears away forcefully and shook her head before starting to pick at the carpet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. That was a good hit by the way."

"There's a lot of blood..."

"Okay, Edward," Renee interrupted, stepping in again. "I don't think the emergency room is necessary but you need to get cleaned up and get some ice. "

Charlie came around the side of the couch and helped Bella up. With her head down, looking completely ashamed, Bella followed her father upstairs as Edward followed her mother in to get his wound treated. He had to admit that he was kind of proud of Bella for doing that much damage. "I'm sorry. I never get mean with her like that..."

"Does she react this way a lot? She used to scream and cry at night but her door would always be locked so we could never try to comfort her. Is this how it always is?"

"Honestly? No. Usually as long as I'm with her at night she's okay. I don't know what determines if it will happen but she has horrible nightmares. It's almost like they're memories. I'm not really an expert but I guess it's like when someone represses a memory and then watches the entire thing unfold in their dreams and suddenly they remember all of it. I think that's what it's like for her. Today was obviously a lot for her and I should have known better than to leave her alone. That was my fault."

"Well, here's some ice and I think I got most of the blood off. How much pain are you in? We can go to the ER if you feel like you should."

"No. I'm okay. I want to get back up their before she falls asleep."

Renee hugged him again and nodded. "I'm so grateful that you're there for her. I really am. The way you are with her is just...I don't know what to say."

Nodding his head, guilt slammed him for the millionth time. He knew he was about to say something that could completely turn Bella into a total mess again but it needed to be said. She was going to become a mother; she was going to need to be more careful with her body as the pregnancy continued. He worried for her more than the baby and maybe that was selfish of him or maybe it was because the baby didn't feel quite real to him yet but he couldn't live without Bella.

"Renee, I need to get her to a doctor. My aunt and uncle have tried to help and they have a little but she needs more help and we need to find someone here to do it. I'm pretty much sure the chances of her going back to the...lady doctor...are slim to none but she needs at least psychiatric help. If I have to deliver this baby myself in your upstairs bathroom I will but she can't live like this for the rest of her life. It's not fair to her."

"We'll figure all of this out in time. Go up and get some rest. I'm more worried about _you_ right now. You're starting to swell already."

"I'll be fine. Just help me help her. It feels good to have someone else to help me with this."

Heading into the bathroom, he got cleaned up as much as he could as quickly as he could. The light in Bella's room was on and Charlie was now downstairs with Renee. There was definitely a lot of swelling but it was more a cosmetic issue than a health scare. It also hurt but he wasn't about to let Bella in on that. Bracing himself, he opened the door and found her sitting in a chair in front of her window with her hand on her stomach. Much like his nose, her eyes were puffy and swollen.

"Bella look at me," he coaxed, giving her space but letting her know that he wasn't going to be ignored.

She forced herself to face him, as if it were painful. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I never meant to hit you. I didn't know."

"Not about that. I know you didn't do it on purpose. Do you want to talk about the dream?"

She shook her head with her eyes closed as if the idea itself terrified her as much as the actual dream. "I'm scared," she replied after what felt like hours.

"No one's going to hurt you. Not with me here."

"I'm scared of _myself_, Edward. I'm what I'm afraid of. I just think that maybe this wasn't meant for us. The baby. It wasn't supposed to happen."

"What are you saying?" he asked slowly, panic flooding him for the hundredth time that day.

"I just wonder if it's a good idea...to...to have...to go through with the..."

Edward knew what she was trying to say and had to fight the bile that was rising in his tight throat. "See, you can't even say it," he spat through gritted teeth.

It was those eyes, though, that made him immediately regret it. This Bella was not the strong-willed woman pleading for the life of the dangerous man who saved her, this wasn't the stripper with the tough skin and mean attitude, this was a completely weak Bella. This was a girl who had been stripped down and exposed, figuratively and literally. He had never seen her so vulnerable, almost child-like. Lowering his voice and making it as soft as possible, he practically whispered, "I'm not letting you give up. I won't give up on us and I won't give up on our little family but I can't stand back and watch _you_ give up."

He sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Just as he had enough of the silence, Bella slowly stood up and walked over to him. Working her way into his arm, she rested her head on his chest when she finally got there. While she didn't say anything, he knew this was her way of apologizing. "I'm afraid I'm going to hurt it, Edward."

"Then let me get you help, Bella. Please."

"I'm already talking to Liz..."

"No. An actual professional. Someone here."

"I'm not staying here, Edward. We're just visiting my family for a while and then I'm coming home with you. I want to stay with _you_," she gushed out, obviously scared that he was leaving her.

"No. I didn't mean that... Dammit, Bella, I already told you that we would be living together. I don't want to have to live in different places either while you're pregnant or when the baby is here. I just mean that...while we're here...you should have someone that we can call if a problem comes up. I want to see you happy again."

"Like if I punch you in the face again," Bella frowned, seeming frustrated with herself.

Suddenly feeling like exhaustion was going to knock him out where he sat, he sighed and tried to make things a little more light-hearted. "I'm actually a little proud of you for that hit, Bells. I'm glad you fought back against whatever it was in that head of yours...even if I ended up being the accidental scapegoat."

**I want to make a quick apology to those of you who I didn't get to respond back to on your reviews. Believe me, they've all been read and I'm going to try to send you a reply sometime soon. As some of you already know, I've gotten into ghost hunting and our group (which we jokingly call Nightshade Paranormal) was actually able to hunt the behemoth and haunting Eastern State Penitentiary in Philly. It was a lot to prepare for and so I've been away for most of the weekend-and am still absolutely exhausted after the long drive and the all-nighter pulled at the place. I wanted to make sure you got the new chapter, though. Thank you's go out to all those who have written a review for the last chapter! We're over three hundred now and it's awesome! Also, someone asked me about Bella and Edward's ages. I kept the time line a little vaguer than normal but they are about 23 (Bella) and 26 (Edward). I really loved this chapter, it's one of my favorite's and I hope you liked it, too. :) Your completely exhausted but very grateful author, Letzigprincess xx**


	31. Chapter 31

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 31**

**Confessions and Consequences**

The next morning, Bella woke up before Edward and couldn't help but lay there staring at him for a solid fifteen minutes before the morning light woke him. "I'm going to say that from the look on your face, my face is looking pretty horrific..."

She knew she was staring and she felt awful but...damn. It was bad. "It's...I mean...it takes away from your bushy eyebrows," she suggested, with a shrug but yet still unable to look away.

"I do not have bushy eyebrows!"

"Yeah. Whatever you say," she smiled.

"Oh, you're in for it!" Grabbing her around the waist, Edward pulled Bella towards and then under him. She squealed in delight, actually happy, trying to forget about the night before. When his fingers began tickling her over her ribs, she couldn't help but laugh and try to get away. Her arms were still free and she pulled on his hair gently to try to distract him. Before she knew it, they were kissing. Heavily.

His hands no longer tickling her under her shirt but sliding up to her breasts, Bella let out a soft sigh. Using his hair, she pulled his head down to her chest and gasped when his tongue licked across her neck. Just as he was about to lift her shirt so that it rested over her breasts, exposing her to him, there was a very quick knock on her bedroom door. It opened before she could respond. Her mother, bless her heart, put her hand up to cover her eyes and immediately turned scarlet. "Oh my, God!"

"Mom! Go!"

"I'm...leaving...right now! I'm sorry...I mean the one damn time you _don't_ lock your door!"

As the door shut behind her flustered mother, she looked to Edward who was frozen over top of her. "That was almost really bad."

"Ya think?" he asked sarcastically, rolling himself over and up off the bed.

Straightening themselves up as much as possible, they headed downstairs to find Bella's mother still red-face and Charlie seemingly oblivious. Bella felt good about that. "Edward, your phone was ringing. I was just coming up to let you know," Renee spoke as she got up and headed into the kitchen. Bella followed her, leaving Edward to his own devices.

"Mom, I'm sorry. Really. We shouldn't be...that way. Not here."

"You're pregnant. I know how babies are made. I know that I have to learn to accept this."

"I'm sorry about last night, too. I, um, have trouble sometimes. Sometimes past and present get crossed in my head and I react the wrong way. He didn't do anything wrong. He was just trying to help me."

"You don't have to defend him, Bella. I don't think he'd ever try to hurt you. He was more upset last night than when everything happened with Charlie. He can put a brave front on for him but he can't do it for you. I feel like it goes both ways or else he wouldn't even know about that past that still haunts you."

"Bella," Edward interrupted them with a solemn tone, stepping into the kitchen.

Immediately both Swan girls turned to look at him. Bella's heart dropped to her stomach and the queasiness she felt wasn't morning sickness. Something was wrong. Again. "Who was it?" she asked softly.

"Emmett was the one who called. Um, I need to go back. Just for a day or two."

"No," she replied, matter-of-factly, feeling hurt. _Is this because of last night? Is he really as okay as he's acting? Does he already need a break from me?_ Fighting back the urge to accuse him of wanting to leave so quickly, she decided on another approach. "I thought we were staying for Thanksgiving."

"I just need a couple days. Stay here with your mom and dad and when I get back..."

"I want to come with you. If we'll be back for Thursday then..."

"No," he said firmly this time. "I need you to stay here."

Renee seemed to sense the awkwardness and stepped out to give them their privacy. _Please don't leave. Please. _"You're keeping something from me. Something bad."

"I need you to trust me."

"Did they catch your dad? Is that what this is about?"

"Bells..."

"Is it the wedding? Is something wrong with Rosalie? Edward, please. I thought we agreed to no more secrets!"

"Bella, I'm not doing this to upset you but it's better if you don't know."

"Then go. Leave. Don't tell me why. I won't sit here the entire time you're gone worrying about you then," she bit out, rolling her eyes at this last part sarcastically.

"Don't do this. Please don't be so angry with me..."

"I'm sorry but I'm hormonal and I love you and the last time you got a call and reacted this way, Alice had been rushed to the hospital so excuse me for being afraid for you and them and..." she was having trouble breathing as her old friend-Mr. Panic Attack-began attacking.

She really was surprised that she was quite this upset with him leaving but tried to tell herself it was because she just wanted one normal day at home with her parents and him when no one was fighting or breaking down. She opened her mouth to explain that when he sighed and said, "Bella, someone broke into the apartment."

Panic filled her heart and she brought her hand up to her mouth. "You..."

Edward didn't give her time to finish, though. He immediately explained. "It's nothing personal. The landlord is the one who called me. He said that my place wasn't the only one broken into. I don't have much there but I do have a few old books and the guitar. The laptop and everything else that's valuable is here but my checkbook and stuff and like that is still there. I need to go back and see if anything is missing and make sure everything's okay. It's the city, Bells. Shit like this happens all the time."

The idea of someone breaking into the apartment one of the days that she had been there made her shiver. _What would have happened if someone was home when they tried to break in? What if Edward wasn't there? Would they have killed me? Would they have hurt us both if he was with me? _A million, terrifying thoughts ran through her head and she knew that Edward was sorry he broke down and told her. She began to hate herself again. She was going to be a mother and she needed to stop with the automatic fear she felt when stuff like this happened.

"Bella, we weren't there. No one got hurt. I don't really have too many valuables. Maybe the TV...there's really not much for them to steal. It's seriously not something for you to be worrying about, okay? Just breathe. I'll leave on the next flight out, get some sleep there tonight, figure out what all needs done tomorrow, and be back here the next day."

"This is getting to be too expensive, Edward. We spend so much money on flights."

"I know."

"We have a baby on the way..."

"Bella. I know. I'm trying to get everything ironed out. Once Thanksgiving is over, we won't be flying much anymore and we'll be okay. We'll make it work. Trust me. Remember?"

"Fine. Don't stay at the apartment, though. I guess we'll both have to when we go back but you shouldn't go alone. Stay with your parents tonight." _Yeah because you can totally protect him if someone shows up and you're there. _She tried not to roll her eyes at herself.

"Do. Not. Worry. About. This. I will be fine and I can check in on my mom while I'm there. It'll be okay."

"Alright," Bella frowned and sighed. "I'll miss you."

Bella sat on the top step of the front porch, holding her phone in her hand, and watching her dad. She figured the phone could come in handy one of two ways. If Edward called, she'd be there to answer. If her dad managed to turn her old truck on and it blew up, she could call 911. She couldn't help but cringe at the shrill, awful sound the old Chevy was making as it desperately tried to turn over and start.

"Maybe it's the battery," Renee suggested from the porch swing behind her.

"No. I'm sure it's just too cold..."

"Dad, when's the last time you had it running?"

"When I drove it back from the clinic when you went missing," he said quietly, making her barely able to hear it. She swallowed hard and shook the thought away.

"Charlie, I think it's time," Renee relented dramatically, plopping down on the step beside Bella and putting an arm over her daughter's shoulders.

"For what?" Bella asked as her parents looked at each other knowingly.

"Come on, dear. Let's go for a ride," Renee smiled at her.

"You two are being mysterious and it's weird," Bella chided.

Once they were pulling into the parking lot, Bella knew exactly what was going on. She was stunned. "Mom, this car is pretty new. You don't need a new one right now and..."

"Oh, I'm keeping this car," Renee laughed. "We just got it last year. We're here for you, baby."

"Mom! No! This is too much!"

"Come on, Bella," Charlie laughed. "Your mom and I are finally able to buy you the car you really wanted...I remember your face when we gave you the truck. We all know you weren't thrilled but you acted like you were. Let's get you a car you can enjoy, kid."

"Dad..." Bella breathed, getting out of the car and following them towards the lined up, shiny cars. "Um, I know we didn't get time to talk about the baby situation but I might need some help later and to have you buy me a car..."

"Bells, we know you want what you think is right and that's good. We're proud of that. Edward, though, is trying to get things figured out for the three of you and we don't want to step on his toes. Let us do this for you. Please."

"Fine. I really love you guys."

Renee just pulled her in for a hug. "We're so glad your home, baby."

"Edward!" Esme called out, practically running towards him at the airport. "Oh, honey! You're home!"

"Mom, breathe," laughed Edward. "I was only gone for like a day..."

"Your face! What happened? I mean, you couldn't go one week without fighting with someone? Really?"

"Mom, it was actually Bella..." he began with a small chuckle.

"What? You two are getting into physical fights? You better not have laid a hand on her!"

"Stop it, mom. She had a nightmare, I woke her up, she clocked me a good one before she realized who I was. Come on." 

After a deep breath, his mom let the subject drop and moved on to another."They're questioning your father. I'm just waiting for them to show up and haul him away."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's just hard to believe that they suspect him for dealing drugs! I mean can you imagine?"

Edward's stomach dropped. Carlisle obviously never fucking told her the real reason he was being questioned. "Um, let's not discuss this here. Okay?"

"Of course. I'm just upset is all. Liz is trying to get me to see a grief counselor over Alice."

Edward had a really hard time seeing his mom like this. Usually she was put together, quick-witted, and severely proud. Her scared, flustered eyes reminded him of the girl he had left back in Washington. Putting an arm around her, he led her out of the airport and she led him towards the car once they were outside. "Do you want to go to the apartment tonight?"

"No. I want to go back to your place and sleep. It's been a long couple of days."

"Well, Em is coming over in the morning to talk to me. He said he knows something that I should know. I think I might have yet another grandchild on the way..."

Edward listened to her babble the whole way home but had trouble focusing. The main reason for that was he was so pissed off at his dad that he didn't even want to see him. Carlisle, of course, was waiting right outside the house for them. Edward had to force himself to unclench his fist. They nodded to each other but didn't say a word. Edward just simply couldn't. Thankfully, his father pretended not to notice the shiner on his face. Finding reprieve in his childhood bedroom, he tried to prepare himself for his call to Bella. He'd already sent a text that he arrived but it always made him anxious when it came time to call her.

He absolutely hated to be away from her like this. "Hey, Bells."

"Hey," she answered cheerfully.

"Well someone's happy..." he smiled.

"I'd be happier if you were here."

"So would I."

"My parents got me a car. I made sure it's one that has a nice sized backseat."

"Mmm..."

"Not for that!" she giggled and it was the best sound in the world. "So I can fit a car seat in it. You know, for our little baby?"

"I'm just joking around. What kind of car is it?"

"It's a Dodge Caliber. It was used but gently and it's fully loaded! My dad knows the guy that owns the place now and he gave us a really good deal. There are even leather seats! Oh, and a sunroof!"

Edward couldn't help the smile that was spreading across his face. It was so good to hear her so excited for once. "I'm sure I'll love it. What color is it?"

"Orange!"

"I love you like this. I mean, I love you all the time but I love when you're happy."

"Maybe the nightmares will stay away tonight. Then again, they only do when you're here so..."

"Well, it's late and I have a lot to accomplish tomorrow before I fly back out. Are you tucked in?"

"Yeah."

Making sure his bedroom door was shut so that his family couldn't hear him, he remembered a lullaby he'd heard his mother sing to Alice when she was little and when she was in the hospital. Holding his own pillow to his chest, he thought of his little Bella curled up in bed with her hand resting protectively over his baby. He missed her so much it hurt. When he finished his song, he whispered that he loved her and she drowsily said it back.

Edward was awoken by someone bouncing onto the bed and plopping down beside him. He smiled, expecting to find his little sister, and then pain gripped his heart when he realized that just wasn't possible. "Dude, are you awake?"

"Em, what the hell? Why are you in my bed? At...seven in the morning?"

"Woah! Your face!"

"Don't go there right now. Too early..."

"We need to tell mom. All of it. Edward, the cops are figuring it out. I'm telling you, she needs to know."

"Why now? Shouldn't dad by the one to tell her?"

"They're finally talking again and dad wants to tell her but I think we should do it while you're here."

"Fine. If dad sits down with us then we'll talk to her. She thinks you're telling her that Rose is pregnant by the way."

"Well, she's in for a surprise, then."

When they were all seated around the table, Carlisle began. He told her everything from the drugs to the situation with Laurent to what happened with David Hale. By the time he was finished, every drop of blood seemed to have drained from her face and she was obviously not handling any of it very well. "You killed him?" she whispered.

Edward decided to try to help his father out, choosing to tell her parts of Bella's story and explaining the threat the Rosalie would be facing. He knew he helped her see why Carlisle did what he did but she was in tears now. "I'm sorry, mom."

"Esme, love, I know what I did was wrong but I still stand by it."

"I just...this is all too much. First Ally and then Edward...and now this..."

"I don't know that the police are really following up with things as far as me being a suspect goes. This guy had a lot of enemies and I'm just a person of question because people saw me talking to him the day he killed David. It's known by the police that Laurent killed him. We just have to wait until this all blows over."

"Mom, what about me?" Edward asked, feeling confused. "Are you that disappointed that Bella and I are having a baby?"

"No," Esme stated with conviction, reaching out to him and taking his hand. "I love you and if this makes you happy then I support you. It's just that...we all know you don't plan to stay in the city for long. I didn't know Bella's story exactly and I know that she deserves to be near her family. I just feel like I'm losing you, too."

"Mom, no. We'll come visit and if things get bad with dad...you can always come out that way..."

"I'm not leaving him, Edward." Looking over at Carlisle, she frowned, "He may be a stupid ass more often than not but I still love him. I absolutely cannot leave him here while I'm hours away. Thank you for the offer, though. I just need to get used to being by myself."

"We love you, mom. All of us do," Emmett spoke up.

"I love you guys, too. I love Rosie and Bella as well. I just need to get used to things."

"Well, I hate to do this now but I have some announcements to make because I really need you guys right now."

Everyone turned to Edward and he knew he had their attention. "Name it. You've done more than your fair share for the members of this family," Carlisle spoke first.

"Mom's right about me wanting to stay in Washington. I found a house and it's absolutely perfect for Bella. All she wanted was to be able to swim in college before everything happened to her and the place even has a pool. It's small so it won't be too overwhelming for her and it's absolutely perfect for a small family. Her parents offered to help me but I want to do it on my own. I was thinking that maybe we could use some of my college money that never got spent..."

"I think that's a wonderful idea," Esme smiled. "It's still in a trust account and what you don't have enough for, we can gift you the money."

"I'd like to see my money go to something good," Carlisle agreed. "Are you sure that you don't want to go to school, though?"

"Well, I am going back. Sort of. Bella's father is a police officer. He used to be the chief of the Forks department but when Bella was taken he quit to look for her. He has a lot of friends and said he could get me in at the academy. I guess I'll need some of the money for that but it won't be as much as a four-year program like we had planned for me to do when I went for Accounting."

"What about dad?" Emmett blurted.

Edward truly hadn't thought of that. His father had killed a man and he knew it. The police were trying to solve the crime and Carlisle was the answer. "I don't know...I mean, I'd never turn him in. I think the streets are safer with dad on them than Laurent, don't you?"

Everyone just nodded and Esme finally replied, "I think the police force is a good thing for you, baby. I'm very proud. God, I don't know how I'm going to manage without you around..."

"I'm not going away for forever. We'll be back to visit. We have a few months before it becomes too risky for Bella to fly and once our baby is here, we'll be visiting often. So, I kind of have one more thing to tell you." Pulling the little ring pouch from his pocket, he dropped the ring into his hand. Esme gasped before he could even say anything.

"Well, do we need to like, clean the place up?" Emmett asked, looking around the trashed apartment. The typical robbery things were gone. The watch his grandfather had given him, his TV, his gaming consoles, his guitar, and anything else imaginable that the robbers knew they could pawn off. It was still hard to see the place that way. The things of sentimental value were still there, though and that's what counted. Everything could be replaced by the picture that was faded from years of being moved around and looked at, the one of him and Alice, was still in its frame. The first pregnancy test that Bella had taken and insisted on keeping was still in the sealed clear bag on his bed stand.

The lock was broken and Edward filled out the papers to the best of his ability as the police officer walked in and said a quick hello. "We've had six break-ins in this building alone. This was supposed to be a safer place to live..."

Edward looked behind the man and couldn't help but be extremely irritated that the lock was broken off. The police officers must have rigged the door so it could be shut. Edward doubted anyone would even try to steal anything else after seeing the condition of the place. After going through paperwork and getting information on what to do next, he waved a goodbye to the man and started righting things that had been knocked over. "I can't bring her back here, Em. God, I can't even imagine how upset she'd be if she knew it looked like this. I've got to move her away from the city."

"This is a lot to take in, man. First the baby, then an engagement and moving. Are you ready for all of this?"

"Yeah. I think I am. I have to give her a chance at a normal life. You should have heard her last night. She was so genuinely happy when I talked to her. That place brings her back to life. The city just eats at her."

"You know I'm behind you one hundred percent, right?"

"Yeah, I do. Thank you."

"Ally would have been, too. You know, that girl put up with all your bullshit and she did it with a smile. I don't know how she was always so supportive of you. No offense but it could be hard."

"None taken and it was because Ally was a fucking saint."

Emmett just laughed. "Well, mom and dad are on board for the little plan we came up with today. I wish things could work so that Rose and I could but her mom kind of needs us right now. That just leaves Jasper and Tommy. What do you say? Want to stop by and visit Mr. Mom?"

"Hell yeah. I miss my nephew. I have a few hours before my flight."

"Make sure to keep a towel handy. The kid's been cutting teeth like crazy. I never met a creature that could drool so much."

**So sorry about not updating last night like usual. I've been way too busy lately but thankfully that will change now that school is over for the summer :) Your support makes me happy and I love you all dearly! I hope everyone enjoyed their Memorial Day weekend! Letzigprincess xx**


	32. Chapter 32

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 32**

**Blacking Out**

The trip back to Bella felt even longer than the night before when he laid there missing her for hours before managing to fall asleep. He was whipped. Completely and totally whipped. He couldn't help but wonder, though, how the pregnancy had occurred. He understood perfectly well how to make a baby but it was the 'how' with Bella that worried him. Since she had told him that he was going to be a father, he truly was happy, but if he could just get Bella to see a doctor and confirm that she was going to be okay, he'd feel so much better about it. The thought that there could be serious complications, that something could happen to her because of it, weighed heavily on him.

He'd never breathe a word of that to Bella, though. She would lay down her life for that child in a heartbeat and that's what scared him. A life without Bella was unacceptable now. He went through her leaving him once and, although it was temporary, it damn near killed him. He needed her like he needed air. When they finally landed, he got off the plane as soon as he could and went to call her. Instead, he was surprised to find her and her mother waiting for him right outside of the terminal. Renee just waved when he walked over and headed towards the baggage claim area. She obviously wanted to give them some privacy. "Hey, love," he smiled.

That smiled remained as she kissed him hard and hugged him to her. "I'm coming with you next time. I should have just gone with you..."

"Bells, it was only a day. Come on, let's help your mom. I brought some more of my stuff with me."

"Was the apartment that bad? Are we able to go back to it?"

"The insurance should cover the more expensive things but...we'll figure everything else out later. Please don't stress over this."

After they collected all of his bags and Bella showed off her car as he loaded them into the spacious trunk, Renee climbed into the backseat so he could sit up front. "Where are we going?" he asked as they went in the opposite direction of the house. He looked around, trying to remember the way back to the Swan residence, maybe he was just confused. He was still trying to orient himself when Bella pulled into a parking lot and he realized she hadn't answered his question.

"I, um, have a surprise for you. Now, I'm not going to make any promises. I'm going to try this. Again..."

Edward took a second and actually looked at the building now. "Bella," he gasped in happy shock.

"I need to know, Edward. I can do this now. I think. Mom found a doctor who she thinks I'll really like and you'll be there and she'll be in the waiting room and I might be far enough along to see our baby. I just, I have to try, ya know?"

"Yeah. Try. Okay. We can do this."

"You look like you're going to pass out," Bella stated, looking at him with a concerned expression.

"No! I'm just...this is...I'm glad you're doing this. I'm scared that something could happen to you and..."

"Our baby's going to be fine, Edward. I promise. I won't let anything happen to him."

"Him? Since when is the baby a 'him'?" Edward chuckled at her certainty.

"I just feel like it's a boy," she shrugged, opening her door.

"Okay. Alright. Well, let's go see if we can find out."

Edward fought tears. He knew if he cried that he'd upset her even more. He needed to stay calm and act as if nothing was bothering him. Still, to see Bella revert back to that abused, terrified girl was painful to watch. Never had he ever thought of becoming a gynecologist. Now, he'd kill to be able to help her on his own. Her legs were shaking as she put her feet into the stirrups. The doctor was a tiny woman with a foreign accent and kind, brown eyes. He liked her instantly and Bella was handling things a little better than she had at the other doctor's office.

This time, when they had first gotten to the doctor's office, he had asked to speak to the doctor himself before they went in. Instead of having the doctor ask her what happened and why she thought she couldn't get pregnant, he told her himself, wanting to alleviate some of the stress Bella was feeling. He knew having her talk about it would make things so much worse for her.

"Stop!" He actually jumped out of his chair when he heard Bella yell. The doctor just looked at her sympathetically. The woman made it further than the other one had and she at least managed to get under the sheet to take a good look at Bella's girly parts. He suspected it was the touching that pushed Bella over the edge.

"Baby," he whispered into her ear, "you're doing so good. Remember that little bump we're just beginning to feel? Don't you want to know, Bella? Don't you want to know that he's safe in there?"

"He?" the doctor asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

Edward kissed Bella's forehead and placed a hand on her protruding little bump. "Bella thinks it's a boy."

"Well, judging from the fact that you're starting to show, I'd say it might be a safe bet that we'll be able to see this little one on an ultrasound. We'll do everything over your tummy, nothing internal, and maybe it can solve some mysteries for us. Do you know how far along you think you are?"

"Maybe close to four months, at the most. I really didn't think that I...that we...I was..."

"It's okay, sweetheart. We'll get the machine ready but I need you to do one thing for me first. I really want to just get a swab to send to the lab to make sure that you're okay and everything looks good for you, too. Mommy needs to be taken care of just as much as baby, alright? Edward, will you hold onto her while I do this? Maybe try a distraction or something?"

Edward nodded and turned to face Bella again, his hand staying on the baby. "I think we should name him Edward Jr. What do you think?"

Bella just gave nervous laugh and watched as the woman got back under the blanket. "I don't know..."

"Or we can name him after Carlisle. He can be a future club owner and everything..."

Bella winced then and grabbed onto him as if her life depended on it. "I...I don't think..."

"There," the doctor smiled, throwing away her gloves, "we're all done."

"Come on, Mama, let's see how photogenic your little one is."

Edward held Bella's hand as she panted and cringed. He felt like they were running a dress rehearsal for a few months later when she really would be in labor. For some reason, he felt like she'd handle labor better than this, at least she'd have a distraction. Either way, his girl toughed it out. A few minutes later, the doctor was looking at something on the screen, which was angled towards her. She was smiling so he figured that was a good sign. "Alright, are you ready to see your child?"

This got Bella's attention and she nodded excitedly, a smile breaking out for the first time since the swabbing happened. It wasn't her gasp that he heard a second later, though. It was his own. When the doctor turned the monitor towards them, every bit of breath left his lungs. _This is my baby. This is really, genuinely fucking happening. I'm going to be responsible for this tiny creature. _

He began to feel light-headed and was shocked to find that he was actually having trouble standing. By the time he was realizing that both the doctor and Bella were saying something to him, obviously concerned, he felt the room spin. Before blacking out, his last thought was, _I'm a father._

When Edward came to, he found an ashen faced Bella looking down at him as he lay on the exam table. "Edward!"

He squinted, trying his damnedest to figure out what the hell had just happened. With a blurry mind and feeling completely disoriented, he saw that Renee had joined them in the room as well. The last thing he remembered was seeing the baby on the screen. He couldn't believe he had just blacked out. Then again, he was sleeping very little and felt more stress than he had in his entire life. Now he knew that he had to keep both of them safe. This wasn't just about Bella. This was about that little baby, too. "Bells..."

"Edward, you gave us quite a shock there. It's not everyday there's a male on my exam table. Do you want some water?"

"No...no. I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize. This isn't the first time this has happened."

"Is Bella okay? Is the baby going to be okay?"

"Calm down, Edward," the doctor laughed. "Both of them look completely fine and healthy. They're going to be fine. Bella has some pictures of the baby that I printed out and I have another patient to see so I'll let you get your bearings. Whenever you're ready, just see the woman at the reception desk and she'll get you guys on your way. Bella, I want to see you in about a month. They'll help you schedule an appointment. Congratulations, you two."

He stood up then, feeling weird that he was lying on a table with stirrups attached to it. He finally got a good look at Bella as she leaned against the table. "Hey, you're okay."

There were tears in her eyes and she looked away from him quickly. His heart dropped to his stomach. It was Renee that spoke next. "Alright, Edward, how are you feeling? When the doctor came out to get me I thought something happened with Bella."

"I'm fine. I'm embarrassed but fine."

"Alright, let's head home. Bella, honey, calm down."

Edward went to take Bella's arm but she stood and walked out of the room. Out at the desk, the woman asked her if a day was good for her to come back and she just became more distressed. "I don't know..."

"That day is fine. Whatever day she needs, we'll make sure she's here. It can be any day."

Bella stayed quiet as the woman filled out an appointment card and handed it to her. She seemed to be a little more relaxed by the time they got home but she hadn't said a word to him or her mom. In fact, the only discussion at all was between Edward and Renee concerning his trip home. When they pulled into the driveway, Bella climbed out of the driver's seat and ran up to the bathroom. "She'll be okay," Renee said encouragingly, patting him on the arm. "I think you gave her a bit of a scare."

It took him nearly five minutes to finally face her. Of course he had scared her; he had left her alone in that exam room. Taking a deep breath and trying to figure out how to apologize, Renee handed him he pictures that the doctor had given Bella. "Here. She left these in the car." He so badly wanted to look through them but didn't know how he would react to them. Taking a deep breath, he headed up to face Bella instead. It didn't feel right to look at them alone.

"Bells? I think I owe you an apology." Edward stepped into her room and made his way over to her bed to sit beside her. It didn't get past him that she wouldn't look at him. "Really, Bella, I'm sorry. I just...well, I honestly don't know what really happened back there but I feel awful about it. I just saw that baby and it's so real now..."

"I feel so bad, Edward. I feel awful, too. I feel so awful that it makes me sick..."

"Why? What's going on?"

"You don't deserve this. Edward, it has always been about me. I left you and you took me back. I told you I couldn't get pregnant and I did. I feel so selfish and I feel like I have nothing to offer you. You've saved my life! I don't care what anyone says, it's true. I have nothing to give you. Look at you. You set out to help me gain weight and live like a normal person but now you're the one losing weight, being away from your family...you look exhausted. You actually passed out, Edward! This is all my fault. This is just another reason I'm afraid to have the baby. I know you never wanted this... I could lose you and now someone broke into the apartment and...and..."

Edward knew that being stern was usually the best way to go when she began to shut down like this but he just simply didn't have it in him. He was exhausted, hungry, and terrified himself. What Bella couldn't seem to understand was that he was refusing to give up before and now that the doctor's appointment had made things feel so real, he knew he'd kill to keep this crazy relationship they had going. The problem was that he had no idea how to fix this.

If Bella was starving herself and living off of spoiled milk, he made her go buy groceries. If Bella had a psychotic break in an elevator, he found someone for her to talk to about what she was thinking and feeling. If Bella panicked in a crowd full of people, he got her away from everyone until she could calm down. These were all strategies that he had learned to live by over the past months and so far they were doing rather well for them. Now that there was a baby in the mix, he had no idea how to add that to his plan of action. For the first time, he felt completely defeated, just as he'd always told her to never feel. Putting his head in his hands, he closed his eyes and hated himself. He needed to say something, he needed to be strong for her. For them.

Another sob ripped from Bella's throat and it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him but it did. Still, he found himself unable to look at her because this was the one thing he didn't know how to fix between them. It came down to trust. She didn't trust men and now she was having a hard time trusting him. She was convinced he was going to leave at any point. He shook his head in disbelief. For months, he had been terrified that he would come home from work and she'd be gone. He'd worried that he'd wake up one morning and the bed beside him would be empty, all of her clothes packed up and gone as well. Really, she was having trouble trusting that he would be there for her. This thought hurt him more than he could ever have imagined.

Being the scared Bella that he had trouble accepting, she climbed over to him as tears ran down her face and literally forced herself onto his lap. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he felt her squeeze and felt her shoulders shake as she began crying again. "As if I could, Bells," he whispered to her, his resolve breaking and bringing his arms up to hold her to him.

"What?" she asked, obviously confused.

"I couldn't leave you. Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I couldn't just walk away from you..."

"Because of the baby?" she sniffled.

"No," he replied with conviction, "because of you. I loved you before the baby was known to exist. I loved you even before the baby was conceived. I didn't fucking know you were pregnant when you left and said you weren't coming back and I thought I was dying every second of that time you were away. If it wasn't for Alice...even on her deathbed she still managed to fucking save me, Bella. It is true that I'm tired and I'm scared. I have no idea what I'm doing with any of this but I do have a plan and I really just need you to trust me. You feel safe with me; I know that. It's not about safety anymore, love, the time has come that you need to rely on me to get us through this. You can't be afraid I'm going to leave you because I truly couldn't. It would kill me this time. Whatever the fuck we have going on, in some insane way, it's working. We're doing good and now we have something incredible to look forward to."

Reaching into his coat pocket, which was now on the floor, he pulled the small pack of pictures out. With a wry smile, he kissed her forehead, "I'll try not to pass out on you this time. I truly am sorry for that. I know you needed me in there but I didn't know what was happening until I woke up again."

"Don't apologize for that! You scared the hell out of me, though. You were so pale and when I saw the baby and turned to look at you it was like you were as white as a sheet. You looked absolutely terrified and then the doctor was trying to help you because you were obviously passing out and she didn't want you to hit your head on anything when you fell and it was just really scary. I honestly wasn't even afraid of being in a doctor's office at that point, I was just worried about you. I can't do this without you. Still, it wasn't your fault, sometimes those things happen..."

"It shouldn't have happened."

"You're not Superman! As much as I like to think you are, you have faults and if this is the worst thing you ever do to me, leaving me in a doctor's office because you passed out, then I can live with that. You aren't immortal!"

"Believe me, Bells, no one knows that more than me right now. I wish to God I was, though. I wish I was perfect and could make you understand how much I want you and the baby but I can't. I don't know how."

Bella just rested her head against his shoulder again and he knew she didn't really know what to say. He hoped his plan would help her to see that he wasn't going anywhere. She'd have to ask him to walk out of her life and even then it would be nearly impossible for him to do that. "I love that you went to the doctor, Bella. Why don't you show me pictures of the baby?"

She gave a small, shy smile and picked up the pack, opening it with shaking fingers. "I know you already saw him but the doctor picked out a few that she had captured on the screen before she showed him to us. I'm just glad I got to change before it happened because I ran out to get my mom. I...um...I wasn't able to stay in there by myself."

"It's okay, love, don't look so ashamed. The fact that you were ever there means so much to me. Now, let's see our little sea monkey."

That got him a firm slap to the arm from Bella. "Do not call our son a sea monkey! I mean, okay, so he kind of looks like one but it's not nice and he won't look that way forever!"

Edward couldn't help but laugh as he saw playful Bella making an appearance. He loved when she was like this. "Did the doctor say it's definitely a boy?" he asked after he realized what Bella had just said. _Did I miss that announcement? _He felt more disappointment than anything.

"Well, no. I just really, really think it's a boy. It would be wonderful, don't you think? A little you. He'll have your green eyes and your amazing hair and..."

"I want our baby to take after you, too. We made he or she together."

"He," Bella responded adamantly. "Anyway, here he is."

Edward kissed Bella's neck and looked over her shoulder at the pictures in her hand. The baby was developing well according to the doctor and if they went by the size of the baby, the doctor confirmed what Bella had suspected. She was about four months in. The first trimester was already over, meaning she would be due in the spring. It seemed fitting. Spring reminded him of renewal and if Bella needed anything, it was a new chance at life.

"He's perfect," she said after starting to flip through picture. Happy tears trailed down her cheeks as she began to become emotional over the little peanut creature in the photos. "He's developing well and I'm going to be a mother! When I saw our little baby on the screen and knew it was mine...I just...holy hell. It was the best feeling of my life."

When they were done looking at the images in her hand, though he felt like he could look at them forever, he noticed her squirming a little in his lap. "What? Is the baby getting big enough to push on your bladder?" he chuckled.

"No, um, I..."

He frowned as her face turned a deep red and she looked down at her hands. "Bells, what is it?"

"I'm...I think it's the hormones, ya know but I'm..."

"Oh," he fought laughter as she looked up at him in embarrassment. He didn't think it was anything to be embarrassed about. He was the man who had just passed out in a gynecologist's office. In fact, he felt himself getting excited just hearing her make that admittance. "Well, it has been a while..."

"Am I a horrible person if I miss the way we could sometimes be?"

Lowering his voice, he nipped her earlobe and asked, "What? Like you riding me on the couch...or quickies outside after you would get done working?"

"Mmm..." she groaned and he knew that was exactly what was meant. "I just sometimes miss when things weren't complicated. Unlike most couples, sex didn't complicate things...it just kind of simplified things."

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the sex that made me fall for you. Hard. No pun intended," he laughed. "You took control and I loved it. It didn't take long, though, before every part of you was important to me. Even before the tryst by the dumpster, I would have killed for you. Maybe I was in love with you before the sex...I don't know what I'm saying..."

"You're flustered," smiled Bella, turning in his lap to look him in the eyes.

"I'm in love and when I see you blush like that..." he shivered a little and kissed her.

Pushing him back, she straddled him and let her hair fall down around their faces. "I didn't blush much when we first met," Bella frowned after a little more making out. "I've changed a lot from the Bella you had fallen in love with."

"No. You haven't. You'll always just be Bella. The Bella who's strong and loves me. That's the Bella I fell in love with."

"You call a hormonal, weepy mess strong? What about the night I broke down in the elevator?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"You survived, love. That's what makes you strong in my eyes. Nothing will ever shatter that image, even if this new, slightly softer Bella makes an appearance once in a while."

"Fuck me," she whispered, leaning down so that her breath tickled his ear. His body was instantly ready to go. He wanted her so badly that it was painful.

**Ah, the building sexual tension! lol Leave me some love! I've written up to 36 and am trying to determine if I'm going to keep it going or not. My loyal reviewers, amazing beta, and over-active imagination are the reason this is still going and I love them for it! I promise to reply back if you leave me some feedback! LP xx**


	33. Chapter 33

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 33**

**Thanksgiving Dinner**

_Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. _Those two words that Bella had breathed into his ear just moments ago flew through his mind and he couldn't help but revel in the feeling of her body pushing his down into the soft mattress. Just about to claim her tongue with his once more, a knock sounded on the door, causing Bella to whisper a 'damn it' and then to yell a 'come in'. Of course, she was off of him and he was sitting up straight by the time Renee stepped inside. It was like she was remembering the morning she had walked in on them in pretty much the same situation. "What would you two like to eat?"

If it wasn't for how hospitable Renee had been this whole time, he would have glared at her for interrupting a very exciting moment. "Mom," Bella said in a measured tone, "I think we'll eat at the diner tonight. I haven't been out alone with Edward here yet. I want to show him around."

"Oh. Okay. Well, have fun and..."

As soon as she quit suggesting places for them to see, and made her exit, Bella grabbed his hand and about threw him off of the bed. "Come on!"

"I thought we...I mean I'd love to see the sights but I need to get myself under control for a minute..."

Tossing his jacket at him, Bella smirked. "Don't you dare, Cullen. Remember, I now have my own car with a nice bit of space in it."

Controlling Bella turned him on. It was as simple as that. He'd let her tie him up and take complete control of him if he thought she'd go for it. Just as he was imagining her in a full dominatrix outfit, she pulled off into an area that looked like the entrance to a state park. "Why, Miss Swan, are you going to take me into the woods and have your way with me?" he asked, playing at being shocked.

"Hell yeah, I am," she replied, keeping her eyes on the road.

When they finally came to a pull off spot that was shielded from passing cars, he couldn't wait any longer. Reaching over the console, he ran his hand up her jean-clad thigh until he was at her mound and pressed two fingers against her. She wriggled, rocked against him, and he could feel the heat coming from her. "What's wrong, baby?"

When he realized with disappointment that he wouldn't be able to lift her over the console and just set her on his hardened member due to the danger of putting pressure on her stomach, he kissed her hard before pulling away abruptly and opening his door. He planned to open her door for her but she was moving as quickly as he was and their lips met when their bodies did as they both came around the front of the car. "Bella, it's freezing out here..."

"Exactly. No one's going to be around. Edward, please..."

Hearing her beg him, he squeezed his eyes closed and nodded before opening them and pulling her against him. Bella's body was definitely changing and while she tried to tell him she hated it, he had reason to believe that she secretly loved it. Bella as an expectant mother was quite a sight to behold and he knew it would just get better as things progressed. Her breasts were becoming more and more pronounced and as she strained against him, pushing her tongue further into his mouth, he felt her breasts press against his chest through their coats. He wanted to feel her naked against him but knew she'd freeze as the snow was beginning once again to fall around them. Since she had begged, he couldn't bring himself to turn her away, though. Shrugging off his coat without breaking the kiss, he draped it over the front of the hood. "Are you sure about this?"

A quick nod from her was all he needed to pull her gray sweatpants to her knees, along with her panties, and bury his face in her heat. She tasted amazing and it wasn't long before he felt her getting wetter than she already was. Her fingers in his hair, that slight tugging, nearly drove him to come without even having any contact with his dick. He really fucking missed her.

When the tugging became pulling, bringing his head up and her hand made its way to his fly, he let her stroke him a few times. He had to bite his lip to keep from letting go too early. At some point while he was preoccupied and unable to see much but the part of her he was working over, she had unbuttoned the button-down flannel shirt she wore. Without thinking much about it, his mouth went to her nipple, which was still sheathed behind her white bra, but was hard and pushing at the material. He couldn't lick it like that but he could nibble and it took him a minute to realize she was pulling away from him.

Feeling like a total asshole, he took a step back. "What's..."

"I'm a little sensitive there," she blushed.

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry..."

He didn't get to finish his apology, though. Soon, she grabbed a hold of his swollen member and pulled his body towards hers. He was forgiven. Gently, he lifted her higher on the hood and pushed into her folds. She was really ready and he could feel her tightening around him within a few short moments. Being careful of how he was holding her up, he pulled her legs so they were around his waist and filled her completely. The image of her throwing her head back and crying out never got old for him. When she had left him and during the nights since then when he had to be alone, he thought about all of those times she had let herself go. The way she arched her back, opened her mouth, and practically panted...

"Edward, oh, God!" The way she called his name did him in. He was so in love with her, with this, with their life together. Sliding out of her, he realized just how cold it truly was becoming and it wasn't helping that twilight was setting in. They fixed their clothes and quietly made their way back to their seats for the return trip home. Warm and clothed in the car, he turned to look at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I...um...did you notice anything about me lately? Like, when my shirt was open or at the doctors?"

"Your boobs are a little bigger..."

She smirked, but shook her head. "Give me your hand."

Frowning, he reached over and let her guide him to her belly. With her sitting that way and placing his hand in the exact spot, he felt it. Her stomach was definitely not as flat as it used to be. "Bella!" he said in awe.

"I know. That's our baby."

"Can you feel him kick?"

"No. Not yet. I probably won't feel him kick for another couple months but I noticed my tummy wasn't so flat yesterday when I took a long bath. I never thought this would happen. Edward, I'm really pregnant."

Once more, he couldn't hold back his laughter. "You are hormonal. Just a few hours ago you were telling me you didn't know if you wanted this, now you're excited again."

"I don't want to do this without you," she whispered, as if answering an unspoken question.

"Does it look like I'm going anywhere?" he asked, leaning over so he could look into her eyes.

"No. I just still feel bad..."

"Okay. I'm tired of this circle we have going. I'm not upset that I got you pregnant. I want the baby. I am actually excited about it. Also, you'd have to force me to leave you at this point because I'm too damn in love for my own good."

Bella frowned for a moment but then sighed and smiled. "Well, if you put it that way, I guess I can try to get past my dread."

"Come on, the roads are getting bad. I don't think they keep these back roads plowed."

"Are you sure you're okay with staying here for this whole week? I feel bad."

"You're finally home, Bella. You have nothing to feel bad about."

Bella was aware that something was definitely a little off. Over the next few days, she and Edward got a lot more alone time together since both of her parents had to go into work during the day. Still, Edward seemed distracted. While she looked through baby name books, baby catalogs, and even considered hospitals near Edward's apartment, he was taking phone calls-supposedly from Emmett, and even working on his laptop way more than he usually did. She tried to tell herself that this was what had to happen, he was away and still trying to help with the club, but something didn't feel right.

One conversation she had even caught the tail end of consisted of Edward telling whoever was on the phone that he was an expecting father but he'd be willing to do what he had to. The only thing she could figure was that he was offered a job somewhere back home and he wanted to surprise her. Still, it was frustrating. She wanted to celebrate right along with him if that were the case. By the time Thanksgiving Day rolled around, she had three boy's names picked out, a whole nursery planned, and that whole nursery narrowed down to what they could fit into the apartment. When she went to mention it to him, he just frowned and told her he was trying to figure something else out, that he didn't want her to have to go back there with it having been broken into. This worried her. They needed somewhere to live.

If Edward was acting weird, her father was acting even weirder. He seemed to be taking a lot of walks with Edward and she had caught them filling papers out that Edward shrugged off as stuff about her kidnapping. Things weren't adding up and she was becoming more and more scared. She kept up the mantra of 'he's not going to leave me' until the night before Thanksgiving when she had broken down as they laid in bed. Refusing to bring that fear back up yet again, she told him it was just hormones but he was an anxious mess that entire week and she had seemingly made it worse. Feeling distressed, she was surprised the next day to wake up to a quiet morning with no bad dreams from the night before.

Wanting to do something for her parents since they were so okay with them staying at the house, Bella got up a little early and went downstairs to start the big dinner Renee was planning to cook. Apparently, her mom and dad had made a lot of friends since she was away because the food Edward and her father had carried in was way too much for the four of them. It was no wonder the two were gone all afternoon. Getting to work on the pumpkin pie, Bella felt arms come around her and lips on the back of her neck. "What are you doing up already?"

"Well, I had to pee. I also want to try to help mom out as much as I can today. I didn't want to wake you. You seem stressed and I want to make sure you're okay..."

His lips caught hers then, stopping her sentence. Pulling away, he shook his head. "You worry about yourself and our baby. I can handle myself, Bella. You need rest more than I do."

Tears came to her eyes and she shook her head, looking back down at the empty pie pan. "I can't do this, Edward. Please don't take this the wrong way but everyone wants me to trust you and I do. You know that I do. Edward, for years I've made my own decisions and I'm really scared because I don't know what's happening and all I want to do is cry and have sex..."

"Don't cry. Listen to me, I know you like to be in charge but I really, really think you'll like what I have planned."

"I just think we should discuss things before you take a new job...and find a new place to live...I've always been on my own and I need to know what's going on!" Pushing down her panic, she grabbed the pumpkin filling and went to grab a bowl out of the cupboard.

"Just..."

"Do not make me feel bad about this! I _do_ trust you!"

"Where is this coming from? You're never this _angry_."

"I'm fucked up. Remember? I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling and everyone thinks I can. God, I'm sorry. I'll get to see Liz soon. Jesus, I'm fucking falling apart..." _I can't believe how wrong __this is. Why do I feel like this? _Beginning to feel dizzy, she grabbed the counter and ended up back in his arms. The irony wasn't lost on her.

"Bells, do we need to go to the hospital? What's wrong?"

Grasping his forearm, she began to break down completely. All she wanted was to help her mom out. This was her first chance at a real holiday with them since everything happened and she was ruining it. "I just need a minute..."

"Bella..."

"Oh my, God! What's wrong? Is it the baby?" Renee asked, slipping a little on the floor from her slippers as she came into the kitchen.

Wiping her tears away, she saw Edward put his hand up to stop her mom from approaching. "She's okay. Just give her a minute. Bella, look at me..."

"What's going on?" Charlie asked next.

_I need to breathe! I can't breathe! _Shoving herself away from Edward and pushing past both of her parents, she ran out to the porch and took in massive gulps of icy air, it caused her to cough and her eyes were starting to water again. After a few minutes, she realized she was standing in snow and her chest was starting to hurt from the crisp air. No one was coming to look for her. Relaxing against the railing, she listened to the muffled voices inside the house and tried to pull herself together.

"She's right...I shouldn't have done this!" Edward's tone was a little louder than she was expecting as the door opened. "Come inside, Bells. I'm sorry. Please."

Shivering a little, she knew she shouldn't be out there and took one last cool breath before wrapping her arms around herself and headed back inside. "Come on," he said quietly, leading her upstairs to her bedroom. Turning to him, she wanted to climb into his arms and cry in frustration with herself but he was just looking at the clock and his phone, flustered.

"I...um..."

"Edward, are you ready?" her dad asked from the doorway.

Panic flooded her veins as she reached out and grabbed his arm. "You're leaving? Why? I'm sorry..."

"I have a surprise for you," he whispered, looking tortured and running his hands through his hair. "Bells...I...um...my family flew in to have Thanksgiving with us..."

A horrible feeling hit her. He was just trying to do something nice for her and she'd responded in a ridiculously selfish way. "Is that why you've been so distracted this week? Oh, Edward..."

"I have to go pick them up, Bella. Try to relax and we'll talk when I get back. I'm sorry for all of this. It's too late to ask them to leave."

He was definitely upset with her and she couldn't blame him. Feeling overwhelmed by herself and how she handled situations around her, Bella plopped down on the bed and rubbed her belly as he quickly got ready and left. Her mom came in a few minutes later, arms crossed, looking angry. "Isabella Marie, I've tried to give you space and not butt in where I don't belong but this isn't okay. He loves you! He wants what's best for you and his child and you are acting like..."

"Mom, that's not fair! You don't understand! I never got to make decisions about my life before and now that I am free I finally feel like I have some control but he takes all of that away..." she cried.

"Bella, has he ever done anything for you or to you that you didn't want?"

"No," Bella relented.

"You do realize that anything he has planned for you now and in the future would be changed by him in a second if he truly thought you didn't want it? He's not doing what_ they_ did to you, Bella!"

"I know that! Don't compare them to each other like that!God, I fucking know that!" _I just dropped the f-bomb in front of my own mother!_

"Listen to me. I love you. I would do anything in my power to make sure that you're happy with your life but I honestly think Edward feels the same way. You have found this amazing man that is revamping his entire life for you and you can't even give him the chance to do it because you're scared! Now, sweetie, if he asks you to do something and you don't want to do it, you just have to tell him that. Don't hurt him because you're scared. That's not fair. I love you but that's _not_ fair."

"I really screwed this up."

"Bells, that boy loves you. This little bump in the road isn't going to ruin what he feels for you. When everyone gets here, I'll try to make it so you two can be alone so that you can apologize. He's kicking himself right now because he thinks he messed up with you. He didn't. Make sure he knows it."

Bella was just cleaning off the dusty china that Renee had pulled out when the front door opened and voices could be heard. She couldn't help but smile to herself, regardless of how terrible she felt. When Edward lead the group into the dining room, baby Tommy resting on his shoulder, she couldn't help but stride over to him. Misreading her, Edward handed the baby over and while she wrapped Tommy up in an embrace, she quickly freed an arm after to wrap around Edward. He seemed surprised by it but when he looked down and seemed to have something confirmed by looking at her, he gave her a huge smile.

Bella could see her mom standing in the doorway, looking a little lost, and Bella cleared her throat after giving everyone a quick hello. "Mom, this is Esme, Edward's mother. Jasper is next to her, he's..." she turned red when she realized she didn't know how to introduce him.

"He's Tommy's father," Esme supplied for her softly.

"Yes," Bella smiled, and then holding up the baby she continued. "This of course is little Tommy, Edward's nephew."

"There are a couple more people coming," Edward added. "They're helping your dad bring stuff in. Emmett and Rose stayed home to be with Rose's mom. Things are hard for them right now. Carlisle decided to stay back as well."

Bella didn't let herself dwell on the Carlisle news but turned to see Pete and Liz step into the room and she felt relieved to see Edward's favorite aunt. Hugging her, Bella tried not to cry. The woman had done so much for her. It only took one more tight squeeze from Liz to get the tears to fall. Bella tried to catch them while still keeping a hold on Tommy.

"I'm going to go get Tommy's things out of the car," Jasper smiled at his son before leaving him with Bella.

Things got kind of awkward for a moment before Liz stepped towards Renee. "What do you say us women pile into the kitchen and help you out?"

"I'd love that. Bella, dear, why don't you and Edward get Tommy settled in? He, Jasper, and your mom are going to stay here tonight. Liz and Pete are going to stay at a hotel in town." Bella shivered at the idea of the hotel.

"Where did Pete end up?" Edward asked.

"I think he went back out to talk to Bella's dad. They were talking about work on the way here. I think they've made friends," Esme laughed.

Bella pushed her salad around her plate as everyone passed around turkey, stuffing, corn and anything else one could possibly want on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately for her, her stomach was a little bit queasy and the idea of anything heavier than lettuce made her want to gag. Looking to Edward, she still managed to smile. He seemed so at peace now, like all was right in the world, but it wasn't beyond her that Charlie had been asking to speak with him privately at least three times throughout the day. He didn't seem upset, though. That's what mattered.

"Bella, please just try a little bit of turkey," Edward whispered into her ear.

"I'm not feeling well. Maybe I'll have some later." This received a frown from him but he didn't argue with her about it. Bella watched her mom and Esme chatting away about something and couldn't help but smile. After she had come downstairs earlier that day to find Esme and Renee leaning into each other and crying in the kitchen, Liz pointed out a crucial point. Both of them knew what it felt like to lose a daughter. She wondered if it hurt more to lose a daughter or to find out that she was alive but completely traumatized. Edward would be mad if he could read her mind. He hated when she said things like that.

"Well, Bella made some pumpkin pie. I'll go grab it!" Renee smiled.

Edward chuckled a little as Bella turned red. She was in no way a good cook and had completely burnt the first one she tried to make. This one seemed to be okay though and the smoke detectors hadn't signaled anything while they were being made like what it did during the first batch. Edward fed her small pieces of his as they got onto more serious topics-namely her baby. _My baby. It's just crazy! I'll never get used to hearing that!_

"Well, we know that he or she is healthy and Bella is due sometime in May or early June. It's kind of a guess right now. We'll know more...later. We're, uh, kind of trying to do this as naturally as possible for now."

Everyone nodded in understanding and Bella felt even sicker. _Yup, that's me. I can't even go to the doctor and make sure my baby is healthy. _"I think it's a boy," Bella said softly.

"Aw!" Esme chuckled. "Bless your heart, Bells. Edward and Emmett have given me a run for my money!"

Renee just laughed but Charlie was still not ready to joke about the baby yet. Edward looked a little worried and Bella had to wonder if it was because he was upset about her father's reaction to the whole situation. Jasper was a little preoccupied with a tired Tommy but for whatever reason he kept glancing over at Edward and Renee. Silence settled over the room and it was almost as if they were all waiting for something to be said. Assuming they were waiting for her to say something, she began to fidget. _Is it my imagination or is mom kicking something under the table? _"Edward, are we done here or..." Esme seemed to be prompting something.

Edward looked pale and there was sweat on his forehead. Bella frowned, "Honey, what's wrong?" _What the hell is Esme talking about? What does she mean? Everyone's done eating...this is just awkward._

Finally, Edward stood up and pulled out a little black pouch. He pinched the velvet pouch as if he was feeling the material and trying to make a life altering decision. Now, she noticed that Charlie was even nodding to him in encouragement. Then, Edward's shoulders fell as if defeated and he just looked over at her. "Bella, do you want to go for a walk?"

"What?" she blurted, not at all expecting him to say that.

"Actually, Edward, Jasper wanted to see Bella's car. Why don't you let her show it to him? I need your help with cleaning out the roaster..."

_What the hell is wrong with everyone? _"Mom, Edward wants to go for a walk. Dad can help you with that or I'm sure Pete wouldn't mind at all..." A crying Tommy interrupted her and Jasper just looked over in apology to Renee. It was obvious Jasper would remain there with his son instead of going out in the cold to check out her new car.

"Bella, it's fine," Edward sighed, shaking his head as if he was frustrated and heading towards the kitchen.

Renee followed Edward but Esme sat there still as a statue. Liz was looking over at Charlie and Pete who were both avoiding looking at anyone else. Finally having enough, Bella shook her head. "If someone doesn't tell me what's going on... Is it Edward? Is something wrong with him? Oh my, God," a horrible thought practically crippled her. She thought about Edward leaving to deal with the apartment, about how everyone made it a point to leave home and come to Washington, and now there was something Edward didn't want to tell her. _Holy shit. They really found me. Mike's men have fucking found me!_

Within seconds, Liz grabbed Bella around the shoulders. "Let's go talk in your room, okay? We have so much catching up to do!"

"No," Bella whispered, backing away from her.

"Bella, look at me," Liz pleaded. "I'll tell you what's going on if you come upstairs with me. Please."

The world had just dropped out from beneath her and she could barely breathe. She knew there was no way in hell she could talk...even listening would be more difficult. Then she realized that Liz was actually speaking to her right then and she wasn't paying attention to what was being said. Esme was making up a reason to go into the kitchen and Charlie, Pete, Jasper, and Tommy had managed to all head into the living room. "You're safe, Bella. This is not what you're thinking! I'm going to go get Edward and we'll all talk, okay?"

Looking down at the floor, trying to catch her breath and calm down, she saw something. The black pouch Edward had been holding moments ago was now on the floor. He had dropped it. Bending down to pick it up, she realized there was something in it. Liz had just left the room and she was alone, so she took the liberty of opening it up and dropping the item into her palm.

**Well, gee, wonder what was in the pouch... lol Thanks for the reviews and the support! I hope you enjoyed this one and I would love for you to tell me about it! The next chapter will be up next Monday! Please review :) Love, Letzy xx**


	34. Chapter 34

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 34**

**Decisive Freedom**

After the terror-filled images that had filled her head moments ago, it took her brain almost a full minute to process what was in her hand. The white gold ring with the princess cut diamond shined in the candle light from the table even though the ring was really old. She'd recognize it anywhere. This was the ring she would twirl on her gram's finger when she was a child, it was the ring she used to sneak into her gram's room at night and put on while her grandparents slept, and it was something that Renee must have inherited when Bella's grandmother had passed away. That's how she knew it was white gold and not just silver, that's how she knew it had been in her family for quite a while, and that's also how she knew what had just transpired after dessert.

Looking around in total shock, she was grateful no one was around to watch as she slid it onto her left hand, she just wanted to see how it felt. It was perfect and it didn't even need re-sized. Tears spilled as she turned her hand so the light could hit it. That was what all of this was about. Edward Cullen, her glorious avenger, wanted her to be his wife.

While Edward had never been anything but kind and loving towards her, she knew from his family and friends that he had a tough streak. Before her, he wasn't the flowers and candy and cuddling type of guy. He also wasn't the type who seemed to want to settle down. She'd told him numerous times she didn't want to marry for the sake of the pregnancy and she also knew that she made it quite clear that if he didn't want to get married, she was okay with that. Yet, here he was. He'd invited his whole family to come here for Thanksgiving, even got her grandmother's wedding ring from her mother, all so he could ask her to marry him_. Edward Cullen wants me to marry him!_ She had to take a minute to steady her breathing again.

For the hundredth time she mused over the fact that just a few years ago her ability to choose her future was completely taken away from her, she was being passed around by men for their enjoyment, and she truly thought that one of those horrible nights someone was going to cross a line and she'd end up dead. Now, she was home with her family, pregnant with a child who belonged to a complicated but loving man and that man wanted her to marry him. The ring seemed attached to her hand already. It wasn't going anywhere.

Bella made her way over to the kitchen to listen for any sign that they were coming back in like Liz had promised. Instead, she heard Edward and the women going back and forth in an argument. Unable to move away, Bella stood and listened. "Edward, she wants this. You just have to ask her and I'm sure it will be okay," Renee was urging.

"If this is what you want then prove it to her! Make her see that this is something that you want and that you can provide for her!" Esme encouraged.

"I don't want her to feel forced! I feel like the two of us should talk about it. What if she doesn't want to? I don't know if I'm ready to face that rejection yet..."

"Look," Liz spoke up in frustration, "she's out there terrified of what's going on. I don't care if you aren't going to propose but now you need to explain what was going on because she thinks they've found her. I'm guaranteeing that's what is going through her head. We all need to go back in there and explain everything. Now."

"What the hell am I supposed to say to her?" Edward whispered in an angry voice. He was mad at himself. Bella knew she was really hurting him.

"The truth!" Esme scolded.

"I'm scared! I don't want her to leave again! You saw how hard I took her leaving the last time. I can't fucking do it again, Liz!"

Before she knew what she was doing, she pushed the door open and stood still. It wasn't until everyone had quit talking and turned to look at her that she realized she'd entered the room. "Edward, I'm really sorry I left that first time. I'm sorry." Her eyes were begging him to understand, begging for his forgiveness.

With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, Edward stepped over to her. "I know you don't want to rush but I was going to ask you to marry me."

'I know..." she began, but he continued on.

"I know after our discussion this morning that I shouldn't do it because you probably want to consider it first and..."

"Edward, I know and..."

"So, we'll just wait and enjoy our company here and if we decide later to..."

"Edward! Yes. Okay? I found the ring," she blushed, raising her left hand to show it off before putting that hand to his cheek and leaning in to kiss him, despite the audience that was now watching them like tennis spectators. "I want this. I do want this. Baby or no baby I would have wanted this. I'm sorry for upsetting you so much lately and for leaving and for...everything..."

"Yes? Yes you'll marry me? You're saying yes?" She just nodded her head as tears began to fall and smiled. "Oh, Bella! I was so worried you'd be upset about this! You have no idea how happy I am right now! Do you like the ring? Does it fit? I can get you a different one if you don't like it."

"Shh. It's perfect. I've always loved this ring."

"Your mom gave it to me to give to you," Edward smiled as he turned to recognize the women gathered around them.

"I know you've always loved it, Bella," Renee beamed with tears in her own eyes.

Esme patted Edward's back before pulling Bella in for a hug and letting Liz hug Edward. "Congratulations, sweet girl. Welcome to our family...well, I guess you've been a part of the family. Then she shrugged and laughed.

The reaction that surprised Bella wasn't the one that came from her mother while she was hugging Bella and telling her how happy she was for her, it was when she hugged Edward. Her mom had hugged him and then whispered something into his ear. Bella could make out 'thank-you's' and 'grateful's' before her mom began to full on sob. It made Bella cry harder and Edward took it in stride, whispering something Bella couldn't hear back and tearing up a little himself.

Pulling away, Renee took a deep breath and composed herself a little before heading out of the room. "Charlie! Get in here! He did it! They're getting married!"

After the celebrating was beginning to wind down and Bella was playing a game of peek-a-boo with Tommy on the couch, Edward came in from his walk with the guys and cleared his throat. "Hello, fiance," Bella smiled, looking down at her ring yet again.

Edward went from being all business to happy go lucky. Kissing her cheek, he snuggled up with her and the baby and managed to get serious again. "I have two more things that I've been planning that I want to talk to you about. The first one is about me working. I want to attend the police academy and become an officer," he said it carefully; like he knew it could very easily upset her.

"Oh," she breathed out.

"Oh, what?" he asked, supporting Tommy with one hand and touching her cheek with the other.

"I just, I don't, I mean," she took a deep breath before trying again. "I don't want to see you get hurt. I mean working as a police officer in the city is really dangerous and after everything...and now with the baby...I can't lose you."

"Shh. Hey. No more crying. That's part of the second thing we need to talk about."

"Please, just say it."

"I'm not planning on moving you back to the city. You're right. It's dangerous out there and it's just...after Alice...it's too much for both of us right now. I want to attend the academy here. Your dad already helped me fill out the paperwork and send in the applications..."

"Edward, no," she began.

"No to what? Talk to me. I'm trying here, Bella."

"I know that! I just don't want you to be away from your family right now, either. You aren't the only one going through a hard time and your mom is going to flip when she finds out."

"She already knows."

"Edward!"

"Alright, come on," he said standing up and taking the baby from her. "I'm going to take him in to Jasper and we're going for a walk."

"A walk? Are you crazy? It's snowing and..."

"Then bundle up. Let's go. I'm serious. Charlie!"

Bella was looking at him like he grew two extra heads. He was flustered but this was crazy. They couldn't just stay here and live with her parents. Was that his plan? What the hell did this have to do with her father? Feeling slightly frustrated, she grabbed her winter coat and slid on her boots before pulling on her gloves and wrapping her scarf around her neck. Her dad surprised her by just nodding to Edward and putting on his own shoes. Something, once again, was up.

As upset as Edward was with her, it was evident that he was concerned for her safety as they made their way outside and down the icy steps. He held onto her as if his life depended on it and even when she went to pull away and just hold his hand, he refused to let her leave his side any more than she already was. Her dad was leading the way, obviously knowing exactly where they were going. When they got to the front of the little cottage house, Bella just shook her head. Edward was being rather cryptic so she addressed Charlie. "Dad? What's going on?"

Reaching into his inside coat pocket he pulled out a set of keys and a packet of papers. Ignoring her, he marched right up to the front door and unlocked it before turning around and walking back down the stairs. There was a few seconds where he seemed to debate about what to do next but eventually, and to add to her confusion, he just nodded to Edward, handed him the papers, kissed her cheek, and smiled before walking back towards his house. "We shouldn't be here. This isn't..."

"Shh. Trust me."

Taking her hand, he helped her up the stairs and guided her into the front hallway. "We're..."

"Bella, I want to show you something. Will you just come upstairs with me? Please?"

"Yeah. Okay..."

There wasn't much that she could concentrate on but when she got to the top of the stairs and he led her to a small room, she desperately wondered what the heck was so special about it. When he put his hand on her growing belly and looked around with pride, her breath caught in her throat. The pieces clicked. "I know this baby is your number one priority and that's why you've been so afraid and scared lately. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what job I end up with. I will be here for you and our child. I had the papers drawn up and the loan was accepted. The down payment is ready to go. I just need you to decide if it's what you want. So, Isabella Swan," he said, getting down on one knee, not taking his hand off of her bump, "will you agree to make me the happiest man in the world? Will you agree to letting us move in here and raise our little one together? We'll turn this room into the nursery and the bedroom across the hall will be ours and..."

Edward cringed at the strangled sob that ripped through quiet room and immediately stood up to help support her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"No! I just need a minute!" she gasped, pressing her hand to her heart.

He didn't know if she needed space or just a second to think but giving her space wasn't an option for him. It was complete, blind instinct to pull her into his arms. Here it was again, the reminder that she was still so fucking broken. He could be a millionaire, he could already own a fucking steel fortress to keep her safe in, hell, he could take her away from this planet to one of their own with no other inhabitants and she would still be that scared, young girl that just couldn't overcome her past. Unlike all of the other times this fact was thrown back in his face, the feeling of defeat really started to overwhelm him.

He reluctantly let her go as she pulled away from him and literally just walked out of the room. _So that's it. Plan failed. Where the fuck do we go from here? _Worried that she would try to leave again and end up hurting herself, he headed out of the room and nearly ran into her at the bottom of the stairs. She was just standing there, hand on her bump as usual, and looking around in a daze. He decided that he would just watch her as it didn't seem like she was in any danger of taking off. As if in a trance, she walked from the kitchen into the living room area, then over to the bathroom. _What the hell is she doing? _

After another ten minutes of wandering around, she finally made her way over to him. "I don't...I don't deserve this or you..."

"I'm sick of having that conversation. You know the one where you say that and I tell you that you do deserve it and then you come up with a reason why you don't... Well, we're not doing it anymore. I'm going to ignore it. Do you want this? Do you want me to marry you? Do you want us to raise our baby together? Do you want us to do this here? Do you want to buy the house? I love you and you were right about something, you can be insanely frustrating. That doesn't mean I'm not insanely in love with you or that I don't want all of those things. You say we have to start talking before we make big decisions, well, talk. You have to tell me what you want."

Without skipping a beat, she whispered back words that managed to break his heart all over again. "I never had options before. I never even got to pick out my own clothes, or decide what to eat...or if I even got to eat. I don't know how to make decisions like this."

Well, if that wasn't an ice cold pitcher of water being dumped over his head to make him a little more understanding, he didn't know what was. _How do you respond to that? _Before he could reply, she just shook her head. "What if I agree to all of this? What if you go to become an officer and get killed? What if I agree to buy the house and you realize you miss your family and you're unhappy for the rest of your life? What if I have this baby and something happens to it because I don't know what I'm doing or I make the wrong decision for it and..."

With a sigh, he finally managed to get out, "Bella, you survived on your own in a big city. You did have decisions to make..."

She snorted and then shook her head adamantly. "I was just trying to survive. That's all that was. You said it yourself. You _saw_ it yourself! I was living in a high-crime neighborhood, working in a strip club, wearing clothes that no respectable girl would, and I wasn't even eating regularly. Don't get me started on the twenty-thousand dollars I had just laying around. I think my success rate with decisions leaves a lot to be desired!"

"Bella, I have a question for you. Were you happy with your life in the city before you met me? Besides Tyler and James and a few of the girls being your friends, or your little bookstore that you love, were you ever truly happy?"

She bit her lip and looked away, "No."

Taking her by the shoulders, he spun her around so her back was to him and they were now facing the majority of the downstairs. "What do you feel when you're here? Don't over think this. Bella, you are safe. You don't have to make decisions just so you can survive anymore. I can't promise that something crazy won't happen to me but people die all the time. Whether or not I'm an officer, I couldn't promise that nothing will happen. You know that. You can't live life afraid of it, though. We'll visit my family once in a while and I really like it here as well. I wouldn't offer this if I didn't want it, too."

"As far as the baby goes, neither of us knows what the hell we're doing and that's kind of normal. Everyone screws up their kid once in a while," he added with a smile. "You just have to ask yourself if this is what you want. This isn't so much about what you need but it's about what makes you happy. That survival part of your life is over. I'm going to make sure of that. Come hell or high water, you will never be fighting for your life again as long as I can help it."

"Bells, look, if you don't want to live here, or in the city, you need to tell me what you do want because I'm at a complete fucking loss right now and..."

"I do want this," he heard her say breathlessly.

"Then let's talk about why you feel so hesitant."

"Well, where is the money coming from?"

"Your parents, my parents and I have all be discussing this since your dad showed me this place when we first got here. Apparently, your parents are feeling like they missed out on your college years and they want to be able to help us with the house instead. I didn't want to take money from them, it doesn't feel right that I'm not the one supporting you, but they really want to put up money for the down payment, which is about four thousand. Esme also wants to help and they have saved some of the inheritance money from her dad. It was put away for college tuition help for us kids but that was obviously kind of a bust. Although, I'm going to take loans out to pay for the academy, they're going to give me what I need for house payments using my tuition money. Then, hopefully, I'll have he ability to pick up the payments myself when I'm finished. They offered me Ally's...I refused it. I want that money saved for Tommy's education when he's older."

He noticed Bella looking contemplatively at the counter top they were in front of. "Hey, talk to me. Remember? We're in this together."

"I want to work, too. I want to help pay for things."

"I don't want you to have to. You need to focus on helping yourself get through everything that happened. We'll find you a good therapist, maybe even someone who can come here to help you instead of you having to go to them and..."

"So, you'll be going through school and I'll be here by myself doing nothing but being pregnant and getting ready for the baby?"

"That's not what I meant."

"No, but it's what will happen. I can't sit here and dwell on things. I need to do...something with my life."

"Well, what do you want to do?"

"I'm not really good at anything."

The feeling of protection flared in him as he thought about Bella's old job. She'd been good at that. Really good at it. Now, looking at the girl dressed in a turtleneck sweater dress with gray leggings and boots, he had trouble understanding how that girl and this one were the same person. This Bella was so afraid of everything whereas that Bella had acted like the strongest girl he'd ever met. She'd changed so much. A sick feeling in his stomach came on quickly and he wondered if he had really done anything at all to help her. Surely, her life was better now but that didn't mean she was happy.

"You're amazing with Tommy," Edward heard himself say.

"I don't get paid for caring for my own baby, Edward," she laughed, looking away sadly.

"No. What about a daycare?"

"There's one in town," Bella smiled, perking up a little.

"What do you say, love? It's going to be a little rough sometimes but I know we can do this."

"Then, yes. Edward, I love it here."

A sigh tore through him and he pulled her in for another hug. "Everything will work out. I promise."

"Before we go back to the house, how's your mom doing? Really?"

"Not well. Carlisle's being questioned but I think he'll get off. They have nothing to hold him. He wasn't the only enemy the guy had. Jasper's doing well with Tommy, though. So, that's one less thing for her to worry about. She's also not ecstatic that I'm moving but she'll be okay. The main issue she has is trying to come to terms with what happened to Alice. Bella, no one can say anything that will make things okay."

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you," he heard Bella whisper, bringing her hand up and wiping at his cheek. He didn't realize his voice was even cracking or that there were tears in his eyes. Okay, so maybe his mother wasn't the only one not knowing how to cope with the death of his baby sister. "Do you know what I think about when I think about the fact that I'm pregnant? Have you ever heard the saying 'When God closes one door, He opens another'? Well, I think he gave us this to help you get through."

Edward couldn't help but smile a little at this and kiss her on the lips. "I'd like to think so but I wish it didn't have to happen."

"I agree. Edward, you know I'd do anything to be able to bring her back, right? I didn't mean that I'd rather get pregnant than have her still here with us. I just feel like we need to try to find something good that came from it. I guess that sounded kind of callous."

"I knew what you meant, Bells. I just really feel bad for my mom right now. When I stayed at the house, I heard her talking to herself but realized she was actually talking to Alice. She even called her Mary Alice, which I know is never a name that my mom used with her."

"Then why did they give her that name?" Bella asked, as if the question had always plagued her but she never wanted to ask it outright.

"Mary was Esme's mother's name. That's who she wanted to name her only daughter after. She always wanted a little girl so when Emmett and I came along, she decided to try one more time. I don't think they ever wanted three kids until she realized her second child was me-a boy. So, they managed to have a girl on the third try and she knew she was done with having kids so that's why Alice had the name she did. My mom always loved the name Alice more, so she went with it. Since Ally was born, no one ever really called her Mary."

"Oh," Bella nodded. Edward could tell she was thinking hard about something. "Well, let's get these papers signed before someone else comes along and wants it."

Putting everything else out of his mind, he pulled the papers from his pocket and laid them on the kitchen table. "Here they are but I think we should wait until we have someone official here before we sign them. Your dad knows the old owners really well, they aren't going to give it to someone else. We'll get all of this handled tomorrow."

He gave her a few minutes to inspect the papers and then took her hand. "I have one more thing to show you."

"Edward, you asked me to marry you, bought us a house...what could you possibly have left to show..." her sentence ended abruptly as she looked out the back window and saw the green-covered swimming pool. "Edward..."

"I know," he whispered into her ear as she began to cry again.

"It's been so, so long. Do you have any idea how long it's been? I mean, this is...I just...this is what I wanted. I wanted to swim and have babies and marry someone who loves me and...I never thought it would happen. I was_ sure_ it wouldn't happen _ever _again and now..."

Holding her tightly to him as she started sobbing into his chest, he rocked them back and forth. "That part of your life is over, baby. Welcome home, Bella."

**Wow, a house and an engagement. What a chapter! lol See you all next Monday! PLEASE review! Love, Letzy xx**


	35. Chapter 35

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

****NOTE: I'm not even putting this at the bottom so you notice it lol There is some jumping ahead in time with this chapter! PLEASE read carefully! I don't want anyone to get confused!**

**Chapter 35**

**She Needs Me**

Within the next few weeks after Thanksgiving, Bella began to show more and more. Edward loved to sit and watch her with her belly starting to stick out and her proud little smile. They had moved into the new house a week after Thanksgiving. The bank was taking forever to close on the loan but being that Charlie knew the old owners, they had no problem letting them start setting things up. With a baby on the way, they didn't have much time to get things in order.

Edward had managed to convince Bella to find a good therapist before he let her start to even work on the baby's registry. To his surprise, she found a female who was also her old high school crisis counselor. The woman had known Bella all through school and was more than willing to come by the house for their sessions. Edward felt grateful and always tried to pay her...which to his surprise...was always left sitting at the kitchen table. The woman refused their money.

God knew, the woman deserved every damn penny. While he was ecstatic over the situation, Bella was less than enthused. After each of the first few visits, Edward had to actually apologize to the woman for Bella's defensive behavior. Still, she always came back for another visit and by the fourth one, Bella was beginning to relax. He tried to be sure to spend some extra time with her after the sessions, though, as she would usually become a little withdrawn. Usually after the woman left, Bella would kind of wander from room to room looking a little lost.

Also, where God was concerned, Edward had to thank him for the smooth pregnancy that his little Bella had going. He knew she was afraid to talk about even the idea of delivering in an actual hospital but as the weeks went by, and then the months, things were getting pretty real. On one particular day, he knew that she had a scheduled counseling session and asked her mother to join them as well. He had to broach the subject. So far, nothing had seemed to go wrong and he was fine with letting things go naturally but he was beginning to feel more and more anxious over the situation. The shower was a month away, the baby was due in less than two months, and they still didn't know what they were having. Although, according to Bella, he was going to be fathering a son. Still, they needed to meet with the doctor, have everything checked out, and explore their birthing options.

Bella knew something was up, just like always, but when her mom showed up, it was like she knew exactly what going to happen...and she wasn't exactly thrilled. Still, she sat down beside him and did her best to stay civil. They even managed to talk her into calling the doctor right then and scheduling an appointment. He promised that as soon as the appointment was over, they would go to the local department store and work on the registry. The doctor was able to get them in the very next day.

That little intervention was yesterday. Today, they were on their way to find out the true sex of the baby and start getting things picked out-though he was pretty sure Bella had the entire room design already in her head. Taking Bella's hand in his, he rubbed small circles with his thumb and let the 'you'll be okay's' remain unspoken. It was a sentence that was getting tiring. He made a mental note to try to come up with newer ways to say that one phrase.

As Bella and the baby's heartbeats kicked through the air, Edward tried to think of a better sound than that. It was impossible. The only thing close was Bella breathing his name into his ear as she came. This, though, was fucking awe-inspiring. He wondered if it would be weird to ask for a recording of it. _Yes, Cullen. What the fuck is wrong with you? _He wondered when he became 'that guy'; the guy that got all weepy over heartbeats and babies.

"Well," the doctor sighed, moving the wand around Bella's swollen belly, "everything looks good, though I wish you had come in a little earlier..."

"Why? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No, no. The baby's fine but I think we misjudged your due date a little. I'm bumping it up about three weeks."

"Three weeks? I thought...I mean, that's sooner. That's really soon," Edward blurted. _Way to keep it together, asshole! Bella looks like she wants to pass out!_ "I mean, that's not a bad thing but..."

"As long as I have time for the shower," Bella shrugged, trying to keep her composure. Edward felt like an idiot.

"I'm not able to tell when exactly you'll start labor but I want you to be aware and ready for this little one if he or she decides to join us earlier than you expected."

The doctor did comment on the fact that Bella had finally gained an adequate amount of weight, so that let him breathe a little easier, now he just had to wait for the picture that would change his life. After asking Bella some questions, which she gave the right answers for because the good doctor didn't lecture her or act like anything was abnormal, she looked to the ultrasound screen one more time and smiled. "Are you ready to see your little one again?"

"Yes!" Bella breathed out, as if she'd been holding her breath the whole visit.

"Are we finding out the sex of the baby?"

"Yes!" she practically squealed this time. Edward brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it gently.

"Do you have any guesses?"

"I'm very certain that it's a boy," Bella gushed. "I already have some names picked out for him and I can't wait to meet him and..."

The doctor just chuckled and turned the screen towards them. "Well, mommy, hopefully those names can be used for a boy or a girl. Daddy, you still okay over there? Take a look at your baby girl."

Bella gasped and Edward couldn't even reply to the doctor because this was just...holy shit. The baby had been nothing but a peanut shaped mass the last time. Now, it had arms and legs and fingers and toes and... "Edward," he heard the doctor calling his name, desperate to get his attention. "Are we feeling light-headed again?"

Remembering the last time he was here in this position, when he had passed out over the peanut baby, he found the ability to nod and say, "Yeah. I'm good."

His eyes didn't leave the screen and he was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open until he heard Bella whisper in awe, "Allison Marie."

At first, he wondered if he heard her right. Forcing his mouth to close, he opened it again shortly after, and then went through the process a few more times before forcing out one word. "What?"

"I was just thinking that it would be a good way to honor her. Never mind... I'm sorry. I realize now that you might not like the idea..."

"No, Bella, it's...perfect."

"Well, my middle name's Marie and when you mentioned that Alice's name was actually Mary, I thought of Alice Marie but I thought that was a little too much so I found a name that was just as similar. So, I came up with Allison Marie Cullen."

"Bells, that's...just...Allison. My little Allison!" he smiled glancing at the screen and then turning back to Bella and kissing her forehead this time. "It's beautiful. Allison Marie it is."

"Bells! Paint fumes! Not good!"

"My stepping into the room for thirty seconds is not going to cause any harm. Breathe."

"Breathing is exactly what you shouldn't be doing in here. What do you need, honey?" He asked this last part in exasperation.

"I was just wondering if we could put the dresser together today so I can start getting these baby clothes washed and folded before she comes..."

"Um, I can try. I really need to get some stuff done for school..."

"Okay. No. That's fine. Do what you need to."

"Bells, I'm sorry..."

"I know. You're trying. I can wait a little longer. I'll just wash them and put them into the basket..."

"I just have been trying to get this room painted and there is so much to get done here and so much to look over for the academy. I'll do it as soon as I get the chance."

"Calm down. I'll go make you something for dinner. I didn't mean to stress you more."

He watched her leave, feeling like a total failure. Since moving in, it had been one problem after another. They had problems with the heating, problems with some of the wiring, problems with the refrigerator, and they even ended up needing a new stove. He was already stretched thin with having starting at the police academy and trying to get things ready for his daughter. There was just too fucking much to handle at one time. It also didn't help that he was on the phone with his mom half of his days to find out what was happening with his dad.

To make matters worse, Bella hit the uncomfortable stage where nothing either of them could do could help her to sleep at night. Allison was proving to be an extremely tiring little creature and she was still in the womb. Bella would move around all night trying to get comfortable and that made for one very tired, grouchy, and emotional fiance. Emotional for Bella was always bad because of the emotions of fear and paranoia that came out from lack of sleep. He felt awful for her. Still, there was only so much he could do.

"Edward!" she called a few minutes after she had gone back downstairs. "I'm going over to my mom's to make sure I have all the outfits from the shower!"

"Shit..." he mumbled under his breath. The idea that she could fall and get hurt on her way over made him sick to his stomach. "Just wait and I'll go with you!"

"I'll be fine! I'll take my phone!"

The door opened and closed before he could reply. With a deep sigh, he decided to stay put and finish the damn room. It was moments like this when he wished his family could be right down the road to help him. Just as he finished with the last stroke of paint, he heard a loud thud and headed downstairs to find out what had just happened. Nothing was amiss on the first floor where the kitchen was so he went down to the basement. "Dammit!"

The water that had no doubt been in the washing machine was now in a layer all over the floor. The floor wasn't the problem, it was cement, but the drain was clogged and there were boxes that were now soaked. Stress pushed down hard on his shoulders. In frustration, he kicked the front of the broken machine and cursed again. "What's going on?"

Spinning around, Edward saw Charlie at the bottom of the stairs. "What isn't?"

"Ah, a leaking washer..." Charlie said in a knowing kind of way.

"And two more rooms that need painted, baby furniture that needs put together, three chapters for Criminology class that need read, and don't get me started on the damn bathtub!"

"It's hard isn't it?"

"Charlie, I'm fucking trying here!" he yelled, kicking the washing machine again. Then, he realized he how he was acting in front of his soon-to-be father-in-law. "How's Bella? Did she get to your place okay?"

"Yeah. She ended up baking cookies with Renee."

"I don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm trying so hard but everything is just...wrong. Bella needs me and I can't be there for her because I barely have time to eat. She talked about trying to work at the daycare but she can't handle that emotionally right now and I don't want to push her but I also don't have the time to be with her so much... I don't know what to do. I have to take care of them and support them and I can barely keep myself together..."

"She's happy."

"What?" Edward was not expecting that to come out of Charlie's mouth.

"She's actually very happy. I remember when she first came back to us, before we even met you, and I know she was miserable and scared all the time. She put on a good act, trying to tell us that she was okay with things. She wasn't. I've never seem my daughter this happy about something...even before she was taken from us. So, you should know, it might seem like you're failing her but she's truly, honestly happy."

Edward sighed again and leaned against the broken machine as water saturated his socks. "I don't know if I can do this."

It was Charlie's turn to give him a look of 'where the hell did that come from?' "You can't leave her now. Son, what are you trying to say?"

"No! I'm not going to leave her! The idea is...unfathomable. I just...the academy is already getting pushed aside and when the baby comes, I'm going to be even more distracted. I don't doubt Bella's ability of being a great mother but I do worry that she's not emotionally ready for it and if something happens to either of them because she breaks down and I'm not here..."

"Edward, it's okay to put this on hold. You have your whole life to become a police officer. I just don't want you to quit because of one bad day. They happen. I'm an established officer with a wife of many years and a grown daughter and I'm still having days like you're having today."

"It's not just today. I need more time to put in for her. Charlie, she still has days where she just sits and cries. Do you know how hard it is for me to leave and go to my classes? This isn't a normal relationship and she's not a normal girl. I've accepted that long ago and there are sacrifices that I've learned to deal with because I know she needs me."

"You realize you have both Renee and I just a couple of blocks over who would love to come visit with her when she's upset. I work a lot of evenings. Renee is home an hour for lunch, she can stop over and have lunch with her if I do have a day shift."

"That would be great. I really think she's kind of tired of being alone and that's when she gets scared and upset."

"Well, I say give it another week or so before deciding on what to do about the academy. My question is, what do you want to do for the time being if you do quit? I really think you should at least try to work..."

"Definitely. I was looking at the paper the other day and saw that they're hiring road crew workers and some construction workers so I might apply with them. The one would be about a thirty minute drive but at least I'd be making decent money. I could even work night shifts, the one job is looking for people willing to work them, and that way I could be here with her during the day and you guys could keep her company in the evenings when I'm gone."

"I think that's admirable. I remember my academy days, kid. They were rough and Renee and I weren't even married yet. I was living with my parents and had it easy, yet it was one of the most stressful times of my life. Nothing compared to what happened when Bella was...well, never mind. We can try to work some things out, too. Maybe we could get a security system put in to put Bella's mind at ease for when she is here alone."

"Charlie, I can't afford that right now."

"We'll figure something out. Just think it over carefully. It's not as easy to get back in once you quit."

After a few minutes, Edward sighed. "You know about my past, right?"

"Yes," Charlie answered honestly.

"About all of it, though? I dropped out of college before."

"I know. Your mom kind of filled us in on a lot of things that we hadn't already heard about from you."

"How are you not thinking badly of me? I mean, I'm a college dropout, I was arrested, I got Bella pregnant, I'm using your money to buy a house, and now I'm dropping out of something you helped me get into."

"First off, some people aren't cut out for school. Second, the charges against you were dropped. Third, I really don't want to go into details...but from what I understand...Bella's pregnancy was a bit of a special circumstance. I don't remember what number we're on but we are insisting on helping to pay for this place because we love our daughter dearly and want to. As for the academy, I'd rather you do what is best for them.

"Edward," Charlie's voice began to crack, "I owe you for everything you've done for _my_ baby. If this were a normal situation, if she was just out of high school and this happened, I'd be livid. It's not, though. For God's sake, she may never be living a normal life. In a perfect world, you would continue with the academy while missing out on things with your new daughter because you feel it'll bring more stability for later on. Which is probably true. If what you are all telling me is true, if Bella may never get pregnant again, for the love of God, enjoy your daughter while you can. I can promise you, son. You will never get the years back that you miss with her."

Edward watched quietly as tears fell down Charlie Swan's cheeks. This was torment if Edward had ever seen it. Charlie had experienced hell when his daughter was taken from him. He couldn't quit thinking about Jasper telling him to never take things for granted. In less than a month, his own daughter would be making her way into the world. They were right. Bella was who he wanted. For the rest of his life, it would only be her. Is she couldn't have another child, then neither could he. This was his chance. Bella still needed him, most of the time she acted as though she needed him more than air. Allison was going to need him just as much. This was it.

"Baby, I think we should go over the birth plan one more time..." he heard Bella say from the top of the stairs. Charlie had just left a few minutes ago and Edward had plopped his ass onto the basement stairs and become immobile until now. Turning so he was leaning against the wall while still remaining seated, he could see why Bella's sentence had ended abruptly.

"Washer broke," he stated numbly.

"I see that," she sighed, sitting down a few steps ahead of him.

"Your dad took a look and said he had a feeling he knew what was wrong with it. We'll fix it tomorrow. I got the drain unclogged, too, but the boxes are going to need gone through. I think the majority is old things from my old apartment that can probably be thrown away. I didn't get the dresser together yet but I'll do it now."

"What about school? Did you look over stuff?"

"We, um, we need to talk about that. I had a long talk with your dad earlier and I...I think it's a good idea for me to hold off on this police officer thing for a little while. I don't want you to be disappointed..."

"Edward," Bella gasped, sliding down two more steps to grab his shoulder, "I would never be disappointed in you. I'm sorry, though. I know this is because of me. You've already sacrificed so much because of me! Really, I'll try to do better, Edward. I know I've been asking too much."

"Bella, you and Allison are what my life is about now. Think about Jasper and Alice and how you can never take things for granted. Think about your parents and what they went through with you. I can work a decent job and support you two and be able to be here for you every step of the way. I don't need a police badge to do that. I'll always do that and I'd like to think I always have since I met you. I don't want to miss out on things with Allison and I want to be here more for you. It's what I want, Bella."

Two weeks had gone by since Edward made the decision to leave the academy and apply for a construction job. The interview had gone well and Edward couldn't help but smile to himself as he headed to the Swan's to pick up Bella and tell everyone the good news. They wanted him to start training but he worked it out with them that they wouldn't put him on a set schedule until after the baby was born. Apparently, with the spring came lots of new construction jobs for the summer. They'd need all the help they could get. It paid pretty well, too. If he did this and still helped Emmett, he'd be able to keep food on the table for his girls and make the payments that he needed to.

When he walked up onto the porch and pushed the door open, he was surprised by what he saw. A brown-coated German Shepard was on the floor in front of Bella with it's ears perked up and a dead serious look on his face. "What do we have here?" Edward asked to anyone who wanted to answer.

"Well," Charlie cut in, "he kind of adopted our Bella."

"What?" Edward laughed, still confused.

"It was the most peculiar thing," Renee elaborated. "Bella and I stopped down at the precinct to take Charlie some dinner and a friend of ours, who Charlie has worked with for forever, is in charge of the K-9 unit. Diesel here was actually having his picture taken to be put up on the site for adoption-they just retired him a few days ago-and he came over to us like he belonged there. We played with him while they uploaded his pictures but when Bella got up to get something from the break room, he followed her. The rest of the visit, he wouldn't leave her side. Now, he's still kind of glued to her."

"You handled the precinct okay?" Edward asked, more confused about this than the dog's behavior.

"I wasn't too excited about it," she said in a small voice, "but once we were there, I was okay. Diesel growled at just about every guy that came near me and they stayed away after that. I told my parents you had enough on your plate...that we didn't need a dog. They insisted on us bringing him home, though..."

"If you think it's a bad idea," Charlie cut in, "he can stay here with us. We're long overdue for a pet."

"I think that might be a good idea for now," Edward frowned, knowing he was probably disappointing Bella. Still, he did have a ton to worry about right now.

"That's fine," Renee agreed quickly. "Anyway, how'd the interview go?"

"I got the job. I start training tomorrow evening around six and I should be home around eleven." As Edward launched into all the details, everyone listened excitedly and Charlie patted him on the back. He knew it was the guy's way of saying that he was proud of him. He made a mental note to call his parents the next day to tell them the good news as well. When it was time to leave, he walked over and took a surprised step back when Diesel stood abruptly and put himself between him and Bella.

Bella just laughed and stepped around the dog to hug her fiance. "He's a bit protective."

"I see this. Good boy, though," Edward chuckled, reaching down to pet the creature. "Well, Bella, you ready to go home, love?"

"Yeah. I'm exhausted."

Making their way out of the house, they all got a good laugh out of the dog following Bella while she put on her shoes, then her coat, then as she hugged her parents and as she made her way out the door. Edward was never a dog person but his heart broke for the furry protector as he immediately started whining when Renee held his collar so he couldn't follow them to the car. Glancing over at Bella, Edward saw that she was biting her lip. She loved the stupid thing already and it was obvious she didn't want to tell him that. With a sigh, he turned the car back off and pulled the key from the ignition.

Neither of them said anything for a moment and he was sure Charlie and Renee were wondering what was going on as they waited for them to pull away. Edward knew that Bella would be alone some nights without him when he was working and while a security system would be ideal, they were expensive. A male German Shepard, trained as a police dog, was the next best thing and the animal seemed pretty damn hell bent on protecting the brunet in the seat beside him. Bella's next couple sentences sealed the deal. "My parents offered to pay for his food and we already bought him a new collar, a dish, a leash, and tons of other doggy stuff. He's up to date on his shots. I think dad likes the idea of me having the dog around."

With another sigh and nod, Edward agreed with her father. "I think it's a good idea as well. Come on, let's go get him before he rips your mother's arm off."

**A baby girl, a new job, and a dog. Do you all have whiplash yet? I don't want to bore everyone with a pregnancy that goes on for years and a million chapters of Bella being depressed, hence, the time jumping. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the next will be up next Monday :) Thank you so much for all your support and I'd LOVE to hear from you! Lots of Love, Letzy xx **


	36. Chapter 36

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 36**

**Girl Gone**

As the three of them made their way into the house, he noticed Bella holding on rather tightly to things as if trying to keep from falling. "What's wrong, Bells?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just tired."

"Why don't we both head to bed early tonight? I'll be up late tomorrow, anyway."

"What about the dog?"

Edward was already guiding the dog by the leash while juggling a water dish, a food dish, and a bag of food. He left the house earlier empty-handed and came home with a job and a dog. "I'll get him settled in, take him out to go to the bathroom, and be up soon. Do you need anything?"

"No. I'm okay."

He watched her go carefully up the stairs and it was then that he realized how strong the police dog actually was. Pulling the dog's leash back to him, Edward got him to heel but there was no way Bella would be able to control him. _This was a bad idea, Cullen. _Setting things set up for the dog was pretty easy and after a walk around the yard, they were back inside with wiped off paws and shoes. As soon as Edward let the dog go, the animal took off up the stairs. He chased after him, not wanting to wake up Bella, but arrived just in time to watch the dog jump up onto his side of the bed and plop down right beside her.

It was actually quite comical but there was no way in hell that large beast was sleeping in the same bad with them. "Diesel, get down!" Edward said with as much authority as possible. Bella was wide awake now and looked rather amused. The dog just stood back up on the bed and turned so that his back was to Edward. Bella was biting her lip to keep from laughing.

What happened next shocked him even more than the previous events of the night, his little Bella, with her large tummy looking completely un-proportional to the rest of her petite body, looked right at the dog. With a raised eyebrow and the smallest voice, she glared at her new furry friend and said, "Diesel, get down..."

The dog let out a long whine and then snorted before standing up and jumping off the foot of the bed. Edward watched as the annoyed creature circled over to her other side, sat down, and rested his head on the bed where her arm was. She looked shocked as well and just laughed. "Get over here, Cullen. You're the only male I like cuddling with in bed"

Edward just shook his head at the audacity of it all and stripped down to his boxers before joining her. The dog must have realized he wasn't getting much attention because he laid down on the floor and left them both alone. "How's my baby girl doing in there?" Edward asked, sliding down to rub his palms over her now exposed belly and trailing kisses along her naval.

"She's wonderful. I can feel her kicking...right...here."

Edward laughed as Allison began kicking again the second Bella positioned his hand. "I love her so much already."

"Are you sure you're okay with the dog situation?"

"I think it's insane how much he's already loyal to you. He needs to learn that like you, I'm a boss too. You also have to be careful walking him, Bella. He's strong. He'll pull you where he wants to go."

"He's cute, though," Bella shrugged.

"So are you. Now get some sleep."

The very next day, Edward got to work on the finishing touches in the nursery. His mom had visited a couple of weekends ago for the shower and had insisted on taking him to buy some decorations for the baby's room. It looked great and Bella seemed to be bouncing with excitement. He couldn't wait to see her with Allison once their little girl arrived. Still, when he left around lunch time to go get a part for the washing machine, he was truly worried about what he would come home to. He didn't know if it was the impending birth, her past coming back to haunt her, or just the pregnancy hormones but she was definitely very easily upset and it wasn't surprising anymore to come home and find her wandering around the house in tears.

He supposed it could also have something to do with her being back in Forks, the place she was originally taken from. When he added in the fact that before they moved here, he was with her almost constantly, he could see why she might be having a little separation anxiety. The counselor had told her before that she had to accept that he couldn't be around all day every day. So, as much as he wanted to see her, a small part of him worried about what condition he'd find her in.

Pulling in, he was glad to see the ice had melted in the driveway and the sun was melting some of the snow in the yard. Later that night, Bella would have to take the dog out to use the restroom and the last thing he needed was for her to fall on the ice or have to wade through deep snow. Putting off salting the porch, he headed inside to check on his fiance. "Bella? Sorry it took so long..."

The place was dead quiet with no dog coming out to growl at him-which had happened when he went out to shovel the driveway that morning. Heading up to the bedroom, he could see she wasn't in there. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when she wasn't in the nursery or the bathroom. "Bella? Where are you? Baby, answer me!"

Looking at his phone, he saw that he had no calls and it was way too early for Charlie or Renee to be home from work. Bella wouldn't be over there unless she was visiting with them. His pregnant fiance was missing. _Fuck. _The baby could have come...but she was supposed to be having a home birth. He realized his hands were shaking as he called the Swan residence. _Maybe she went into labor and they __took her there. Why the fuck wouldn't they call me? _

When there was no answer, he called Renee at work. She was actually the teller that answered. "First Bank of Forks. Renee speaking. How can I help you?"

"It's Edward, Renee. Have you heard from Bella?"

"Bella? No. Oh, God, did something happen? Edward, did something happen to her again?"

He immediately wished he had called Charlie first instead. He had figured, though, that Bella would be more than likely to go to her mother with a problem. "I...I don't know. I came home from the store and she's not here."

"Maybe she just went for a walk or something..."

"It's Bella...she barely leaves the house by herself."

"Is the dog there?"

"No." Guilt was ripping through him at the fear that he could practically feel coming from Renee through the phone. He also wished he had thought about the fact that the large beast wasn't there, either. "Look, I'm betting that's what happened. She probably just took Diesel for a quick walk. I'll call you as soon as she comes home. I guess I just panicked a little. I'm sorry."

When he got off the phone with her, he debated on whether or not to call Charlie. He had to remember that they'd had to go through the pain of losing her once. He didn't know what the situation was and there was no reason to upset them because he was being paranoid. Heading outside to look for footprints in the snow, he felt his phone buzz and saw that it was actually Charlie calling him. "Hello?"

"I'm on my way over. I'm having a friend of mine call the hospitals to see if she was checked in anywhere..."

"How do you know about this already?" He asked as he stepped onto the porch.

"Renee called me. She's worried. She said you tried telling her Bella went for a walk by herself. Thanks for trying to calm her down but we both know she wouldn't have done that. She's afraid of her own shadow..."

"She used to take off when we were in the city all the time, Charlie. Maybe she just needed... There are footprints. They look like hers. Dog prints, too."

"She's due any day now!"

"Look, I'm going to follow the prints. I'm sure she didn't go far."

"Call me as soon as you get her home. What the hell is she thinking?"

Edward followed the trail until it reached the clean sidewalk and prayed that if he kept following it, he'd find them. _Even if I did do something to upset her, she'd never put the baby in danger. Still, I have to talk her into going to the grocery store with me now. She doesn't like leaving the house. What if she was kidnapped again? Fucking hell..._

Dark thoughts tore through him, causing his steps to become more urgent. His legs propelled him forward as his brain ripped into him. She was kidnapped here before. He knew that's why she had been so scared lately. He thought she was warming up to it. If she was kidnapped again, if they fucking got her again... _Don't fucking think like that, Cullen. _

Up ahead, he saw a silhouette of a small figure with a very large tummy throwing something for a dog. It was her. Thanking the heavens, he ran at a full sprint towards her. About to yell, wanting to scream, he forced himself to stay calm. He couldn't believe it. She was fucking smiling and laughing and looking genuinely happy. She laughed as Diesel hopped through the snow and then jumped back, waiting excitedly for her to throw the stick. She threw it again and rested her hand on their baby. As she turned just slightly enough for him to see her face, he saw tears on her cheeks but her smile was huge. His Bella was happy, peaceful even, and looking like she'd finally found her own little happiness. It took his breath away.

It wasn't until the dog saw him, put himself between Bella and him, and began to growl that she even noticed him. "Bells..." he breathed, walking towards her now.

"You're crying." He noticed then that his face was as wet as hers. He was glad the park was abandoned.

"Yeah. I've never seen you this happy. I was also scared. I couldn't find you..."

"I left you a note on the table. I thought you'd see it. I wanted to go for a walk to the park."

"You hardly leave the house anymore! What made you decide to come here? I tried bringing you here a few weeks ago and you panicked."

"I had the dog with me and no one is around. I'm sorry I upset you."

"Bella, I swear to you that I'm happy about you being so independent...today," he had a feeling it wouldn't last too long, "but what if the baby came when you were out here?"

"I have my phone."

"It's not good enough, Bella. It's winter. It's freezing."

"I'm sorry. I just...I feel okay."

"Let's just get you home and warm and when it warms up, you can walk down here with Allison and Diesel all you want. Let's just get her into this world safely first, okay?"

"Yeah. It is a little cold. The good news is Diesel got some exercise."

"Bells?"

"Huh?" she asked, taking his hand and walking back to the house with him.

"As scared as I was, you have no idea how good it feels to see you this happy. I love you so much. I get scared sometimes that I make things worse on you by constantly trying to shelter you."

"Please don't stop," she replied quickly. "Edward, dog or no dog, I need you. Please promise me you won't stop. I mean, unless you get tired of it..."

"Never. I've learned to coddle. It's what I do best now," he teased.

"I thought your favorite past-time was beating up unruly bar patrons," she said dryly.

He had to laugh at that. "I guess I'm not that person anymore. I have a new purpose in my life. Let's go home."

"Why is the cruiser in front of the house?"

Edward frowned and sighed as if figuring it was safer to just be honest with her. "I called your dad. Well, technically, I called your mom and then she called your dad."

"Edward!"

"Don't you dare get upset with me..." he cut his sentence off as Charlie approached them in full police gear. Bella knew her father still intimidated her future husband.

"Bella, what the hell were you thinking?" the cop asked, looking like he was about ready to cry.

"Dad, I just went for a walk..."

"Alone."

"I had the dog with me and I went to the park. It's a public park! I left a note and he didn't see it. End of story."

"Bella, don't get angry with us for worrying about you. You never go out on your own unless you absolutely have to and I know Edward bends over backwards to make sure you don't have reason to have to. Even if you did leave a note, do you really think it's a good idea to be trekking through the snow with a dog that weighs as much as you do when you're this far along?"

"I had my phone!"

"What if you fell and couldn't get to it? What if Diesel pulled you and you got hurt and couldn't call? What..."

"What, dad? What if a meteor crashed to Earth and was torn apart so much that by the time it got to Forks, Washington, that speck of dust got in my eye and caused me to run into a tree? Say what you really mean! What if I was taken again?" Charlie looked like he'd been slapped. _Way to be a total bitch, __Bella. _"Dad, I'm sorry..."

"I'm going back to the station," he said, turning to address Edward. "I'll let Renee know she's safe."

"Dad..."

"Bella, I'll see you later."

"I can't believe how he reacted..." Bella began as soon as her father walked away but when she turned to Edward she stopped and closed her mouth. Edward was now trudging through the snow towards the house; the way he was walking told her he was definitely tense. No, pissed was probably more the word. Looking down at her new, furry friend, he looked at her sideways the way only dogs could. After locking eyes with the animal, her fears were confirmed when she heard the front door close.

Frozen in place, it took until Diesel began to whine for her to head inside to face her soon-to-be husband. After all that walking, she could feel that she was sore and realized that she had really fucked up. She was the one who wanted this baby more than anything and now she was traipsing around in a Washington winter at eight months pregnant. Carefully sliding her boots off, she made the dog stand on the towel Edward always used to dry off his paws before letting him into the house. She just simply couldn't bend over to wipe them herself.

"Edward?" she called quietly, wondering if she really wanted to find him at that point. She didn't know what to say. She found him down in the cellar, kneeling in front of the washing machine. After a loud sniffle, she heard him call to her as she stood on the stairs. "Don't come down. I'll be up in a minute!"

Ignoring his command, she peeked below the railing a little further and saw that there were tears on his cheeks. "Edward..."

"Bella. Go back upstairs. Now."

"Come with me," she said so softly she wondered if he could even hear her.

"No. I'll be up in a minute."

_He was fine at the park. Was he really upset over what Charlie said? _Bella sighed but gave in. As was normal, her hand was already on her belly and Allison was kicking like crazy. Walking through the house, she peeked into the bathroom to make sure everything was ready for the baby's arrival. For the past month, Edward had made sure to keep out plenty of clean towels-which were stored in a bag to keep them as clean as possible, the midwife's number was on the mirror in the bathroom as well as the refrigerator in the kitchen, and the items the midwife recommended were in another bag beside the towels. Leaning against the bathroom door, Bella rubbed the kicking little feet and frowned. "I can't wait to meet you, baby. Just a couple more days...maybe another month...and you'll be with us. Your daddy wants to hold you so badly and Grammy Swan is going to spoil you rotten."

Realizing her maternity jeans were wet on the bottoms because of the snow, she made her way upstairs and got into something warmer. Diesel had fallen asleep by the bed already and suddenly she felt exhausted. _I love dad and Edward both but they can't keep me prisoner here. This isn't due to their fear about me and the baby, at least that's not the main issue; not where my dad is concerned. _Curling into a ball, she hugged her belly and let the tears come.

Almost falling into sleep, Bella realized that Edward was now pulling her into him and had curled his on body into hers. "Baby, hey, shh."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I just don't like talking about... I can't let you get hurt again. I'm trying to give you space now that you want it a little more but Jesus, Bella, how many times did you break down before we came here? It's hard for me to step back now. Especially when we are in the place you were...yeah. So, just, don't get too upset with me over this kind of thing. Okay?"

"I don't want to be like this. I'm used to being better about stuff and now I feel like an old lady who never leaves her house. I'm a hermit! I just can't help but think that every time we drive past certain areas that this was where it happened. A little, tiny town where nothing ever happens. I can't understand why and I don't know if it will happen again. It's so different from the city. I could pretend to be someone else there, someone damaged but independent. Here, I don't know, I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed."

"Did I mess up, Bella? Should I have kept us in the city?" His voice sounded strained and Bella knew that he had to have been asking himself that for a while now. It was no secret to anyone that things were different for them now that they were here. She was different.

"No. I'll be okay. I like being here with my mom and dad. I love this house. I want Allison to grow up where she can run around and play outside and not be afraid of..." Bella's voice trailed off as a terrible thought hit her. The idea that her daughter could face the same fate as she had made her angry, scared, and sick all at the same time. This was where it had happened to her.

"Don't think about that. Bella, it was a fluke. No one has gone missing here besides you in years. Your father and I have talked about that kind of stuff already when I thought about us moving back here. This is a good community with great neighbors, and a lot of opportunities. Allison will be a safe and happy child here. I'd rather raise her here than in the city, anyway. People go missing there every day."

"She's going to know something's not right. What will you tell her when I wake up screaming and she comes in to see what's happening because she's scared? What will you say when mommy has trouble taking her to the doctor's offices so you always have to?"

"I tell her that her mother is a strong fighter who had a really hard life before she met me. That there are some things that mommy is afraid of but that daddy will never let that or anything else happen to either one of you."

"I promise that I will just text your phone from now on when I want to go out like I did today. Also, I won't walk Diesel anymore until after the baby comes. I guess I need to make what I said up to my dad. I didn't mean to upset him, I was just upset myself and it came out. I'll stop over there tomorrow."

"We have a couple hours before I have to go into work. Why don't you get some sleep before I leave?"

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens when you work nights?"

Edward opened his mouth and closed it again. Obviously, it was not something that he had thought about before figuring it would be better for him to work nights. It was all she could think about. When she actually saw him struggle to find words and that look of sympathy cross his beautiful face, she hated herself more than ever. He was giving up so much just to be by her side, who the hell was she to ask him for any more favors? Who the hell was she to act as if he should have thought about it? Clearing his throat, the said with a strained voice, "We'll figure it out."

"I'm sorry," she breathed for the millionth time. "I'm working to be better. The nightmares are less frequent and..." _I'm trying...it's just so damn hard._

"Get some rest, baby. I know you're doing better." _I jst pray to God it keeps up. _

**Happy almost fourth of July to those who celebrate! Even if you don't celebrate it, I still hope you have an awesome week! I'm heading out the door now to get my computer screen fixed so I'm hoping to get it back within a couple days. If I don't, there may be a delay on the next chapter but I'll do what I can to not let that happen :) Please review and tell me what you think! I'd really like to hear from you! Love, Letzy xx**

**PS I'm VERY sorry if I was unable to respond to your review this week. My dad is turning 50 this upcoming week and with the fourth, we are planning a rather large party. I've been super busy and my computer has been giving me trouble. Just know that all of your support and kind words keep this story going. I very much appreciate each one!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 37**

**Restlessly Calm**

Bella couldn't remember the last time she felt so restless. She needed to keep moving. Walking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, she wondered if it really was possible to see a permanent path in the carpeting. Even Diesel seemed to be tired from just watching her. Edward, bless his heart, had been working like a maniac. When he wasn't working an odd training schedule of six pm to one am, he was home helping her get things ready. The nursery was put together, the washing machine was back in working order, and all of the boxes that had been waterlogged were gone through and cleaned up. Still, things haunted her.

First, there was always the worry in the back of her mind about Carlisle. The calls home that Edward made were relatively happy ones. Emmett and Rosalie had finally set a wedding date for the end of August, Tommy and Jasper seemed to be adapting pretty well to life, and Emmett had even seen Jacob Black at the club the other night and Bella's friend seemed to be doing well. He had a girlfriend now and was just finishing up his schooling. Carlisle and Esme, though, were definitely struggling. The way Edward's family had treated Edward before now infuriated her. He may have had a bit of a badass streak going with the fights and the Janie situation but he had held them together.

Edward had been there when Carlisle hadn't. He'd been there for Esme when his father hadn't been. To think that they would doubt him so often really just simply pissed her off. She was secretly a little happy that they now knew what it was like to deal with things on their own without leaning on him but she could tell that weighed on Edward. He wanted to fix things. It's what he did when he was around them and it was what he was now doing for her.

Currently, she was home alone and was surprised to find that she was wishing there was some female friend she could have over to just hang out. She hadn't done something like that since high school. Alice would have been perfect for it and Rosalie seemed to have been nice enough. Hell, when she thought of girlfriends, she realized she didn't even have anyone to be in their wedding. Edward had already stated that Jazz would be their best man and Tommy the ring-bearer. She was sure Emmett and Rosalie would be in it. At least that was one girl she could count on to be on her side at the altar. The only females she spoke to beside Rose and her mother were her gynecologist and her therapist. Yeah, definitely kind of pathetic. Of course there was also Liz and Bella smiled at the memory. It made her feel better just knowing she had the woman behind her.

Honestly, it surprised her that the only friends that were closer to her than Liz were men. You'd think with her history, she'd flinch away from that particular gender. With a deep sigh, she looked over at the front door and wished to leave. Sadly, there was nowhere for her to go. Her parents were working and she didn't even have a vehicle at the moment. Edward had gone into town to get some groceries and Bella had chosen to stay home.

In front of the back window now, she wanted to go out and wade in the pool. Being that it was only about fifty degrees outside and the winter cover was still over it, she knew it was out of the question. Still, the water would take some of the pressure off of her ever-aching back. Bored out of her mind, she decided to get out of her mopey moment and find her cell. Tyler answered on the first ring. "You pop her out yet?"

"No. I haven't," laughed Bella. "Just calling to say hello."

"Well, sweetness, we miss you. James is at the club right now or else I'd hand the phone over for you to say hi to him. What have you been doing with yourself?"

Bella went through the pleasantries and bit her lip before asking the big question. It had been one she was throwing around in her head for a while and she wanted someone else's opinion. "What would you think of Edward and I getting married out there?"

"Really? I think it would sweet!"

"Do you think it's fair to my mom...or the baby for that matter?"

"You'll bring the baby with you guys, right? Do you have a date set?"

"Of course we'd bring her! Jesus, Ty, she's our daughter. I'm not just going to up and leave her... No date has become official yet. Edward quit the academy which I think turned out to be a really good thing but he got a new job working strange hours. It's good pay and he likes it. He's always been more of a physical person so it lets him get out some of that energy..."

"Physical, huh?" Tyler asked teasingly.

"Shut it, Ty. I've told you enough when Edward and I first started...seeing each other for you to know that."

"So, I would love for you to come out here for the wedding and if you think about it, besides your parents-who I'm dying to meet, everyone is already out here. You could visit James and I if you'd like and crash here if you need to. We'd be happy to have you and the baby both."

"Well, it will depend on when we decide to do it. We're going to wait until she's a little older. Traveling will be hard and we don't really have the money for it right now anyway. Well, we kind of do but we want to save it. The baby's our primary concern, though, at the moment pretty much over everything else."

"I'm really happy for you, babe. I'm glad you're getting to have this experience. I know it means a lot to you."

"Thanks. Hey, tell James I said hi and let the girls know I miss them. I'll try to visit when we come in for Emmett's wedding."

As Bella hung up, she thought back to the last time she had seen the two guys who were there for her before even Edward came along. They'd come in for her shower, which was wonderful and low-key and exactly what she had wanted. Her therapist, her mom, Esme, Liz, Rosalie, Tyler and James had been there. They had it at Bella and Edward's, giving them the chance to show it off and not have to haul everything. For the few people that came, there were a lot of gifts to open and Bella could never thank them enough. Emmett, Pete, Jasper and Tommy had come in then too but the shower was more for the girls. Tyler and James were allowed for obvious reasons. As she unwrapped and enjoyed the party, Edward and the guys hauled everything upstairs. Tyler and James had cut out of the party early to help the boys upstairs put things in order. It had been great.

A strange sensation made Bella stop her pacing and look down in surprise. She wasn't like some of the other people from the stories she had heard about. No, she did not mistake this wetness for merely peeing her big girl panties. This was labor. Her water had broken. There was no pain. She expected immediate pain, the inability to walk, maybe having to even drag herself to the bathtub. Instead, she went for her phone on the counter and realized she was feeling fine. Labor sometimes went on for hours so she did what felt natural, she kept pacing. Edward would be back any minute now, having left almost an hour ago, and she had her phone firmly in her hand. She was okay. She could do this.

Diesel seemed amused by her as she kept up the kitchen to living room path and only slowed down slightly. She debated on calling her mom but decided against it. She was comfortable and unafraid. Her little daughter was on her way. She wanted to cry in excitement. Two more trips from the kitchen to the living room later and Bella was hit with her first contraction. It wasn't too strong but it was surely a very uncomfortable feeling. She just bit her lip, braced herself on the back of the kitchen chair, and waited it out. It lasted about a minute and she was back to pacing again.

About fifteen minutes later, another one hit. This one was more intense and lasted a little longer but they were still far enough apart that she didn't feel the need to panic. She still had time. She paced a little slower. The wetness was uncomfortable and she very carefully went up to her bedroom. Taking one step at a time, she felt a seriously painful contraction hit about another fifteen minutes after the last one. Thankfully, she was changed and coming back down with Diesel beside her when it happened. The dog didn't mind her leaning on him.

Her hips felt funny and when she began pacing again, she let herself rock back and forth in front of the window that showed the backyard. Moving her hips seemed to help and she knew she probably looked ridiculous but she didn't care. Her baby was coming. "I love you," she whispered to her unborn child before making her way back to the kitchen.

The sound of the front door opening and plastic bags ruffling would usually bring her over to greet Edward on a normal day. Instead, she stayed focused on the task at hand and kept pacing. She made it to her window again just as he joined her in the living room. "Hey, baby."

"Hey," she said quietly, still focusing as another contraction hit. She gripped the window seal this time and leaned forward a little.

"What is it? Are you feeling tired?"

"Nah. I just need...a minute."

Rocking her hips a little she kept looking at the floor. Finally, as the contraction left her, she started for the kitchen again. "I'm going to go put the groceries away. When was the last time Diesel was out?"

"I'm not sure," she responded, knowing she sounded distracted.

"I'll take him out, then, too. Do you need anything?"

"Actually, can you call the midwife?"

"Yeah," he called over his shoulder as he went ahead of her into the kitchen. Her pathway was getting more difficult to walk and she was taking a little longer than usual. "Do you have a specific thing you want me to ask her?"

"No. I just need you to get her to come," Bella said breathlessly. Her baby was on the way. Her daughter was coming.

"She's supposed to be coming by tomorrow to go over everything one last time," Edward reminded her over the sound of closing cabinets. Bella was in the kitchen now, doing her little rocking thing and taking deep, leveled breaths.

"It can't..." she gasped as a heavy contraction hit her hard and she grabbed onto the counter top to steady herself.

"Bella...holy shit! You're in labor?" Edward asked, incredulously.

"Shh. I'm fine," Bella whispered as calmly as possible, trying to focus on what she was doing.

"How long have you been this way? Why didn't you call me?" Edward demanded, grabbing his cell and all but ripping at the number that was attached to the refrigerator.

Calmly now, Bella just shrugged and glanced at the clock. "About an hour or so..."I went upstairs and changed after my water broke..."

"Yes. This is Edward Cullen. Bella's in labor. We need you..." she heard Edward say into the phone as he jogged towards the bathroom and she heard the sound of water filling the bathtub.

Bella just kept rocking and then decided to walk towards the window again. This wasn't bad. Compared to the pain she went through those many years ago, this was a walk in the park...and also something she would never regret. She was having a baby. Halfway back to the kitchen, she heard Edward come back in.

"Bella, what the hell are you doing?"

"Calm down. I'm fine. This feels...right."

"You should be lying down or..."

"No. I'm comfortable. I don't want to sit still. Let me do this. I can do this." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well but she knew she was fine. This was going to be okay.

"Bella, I don't know what to do. What do you need me to do?" He came towards her and put his hands on her shoulders but she stepped back.

"Don't touch me. I'm sorry. Just let me do this. See, I'm fine."

About another hour later, Annie, the midwife was there with a very anxious Edward. Bella was glad for the woman even though Bella was handling the situation just fine on her own. Annie was comforting a nearly hysterical Edward. When a doozy of a contraction hit, Bella took a deep breath and finally nodded. "Honey, can you make sure the water is still warm?"

Edward sprang up like his life depended on it. Bella, who was smart enough to put a skirt on, had already been checked by the midwife when she'd arrived and things seemed to be progressing normally. Still, she was starting to tire and needed a rest. A warm bath would be wonderful after all this walking. Edward came back in. "We're good to go. What do you need me to do?"

"Calm down. That's all you have to do," she said easily, rubbing his shoulder as she walked past him into the bathroom.

"Alright, Bella, you're doing wonderfully. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the most, are you in pain?"

"I'm about a seven," she replied calmly. "I'm doing okay."

"Alright. Just keep doing what you're doing. The baby will come when she's ready."

Edward fed Bella a spoonful of crushed ice with a shaking hand and kissed her forehead. "You're incredible."

"Can you call my mom? I wanted to wait until I was a little further along but I think it's time. I don't want her to miss it."

"Absolutely."

While he called Renee, Bella realized the water was tinted red now and her contractions were getting worse. Sucking in a deep breath, she braced herself on the sides of the tub. The towel that was sticking to her chest to provide some modesty was a little cold but it helped. She felt like she was burning up. In a steady back and forth motion, she moved her right leg through the water over and over again. It helped her focus, although she had no idea why. Annie was timing her contractions and they were definitely close now. It wouldn't be much longer. She could feel it.

"Where's Edward? Annie, where did he go?" she asked between pants.

"I hear him talking in the next room. He'll be back soon. I heard what happened at the doctor's office. Are you worried he's going to pass out again?" Annie asked, obviously trying to distract Bella as yet another contraction hit. "I'm going to check you again, is that okay?"

Bella nodded frantically and realized she had a couple tears on her cheeks. Edward came back in then, his face falling as he dropped to his knees beside her. "I'm okay," she said through gritted teeth, forcing herself to focus.

"It's time, Annie," said seriously, nodding her head at Bella and looking to Edward with a smile.

Before they could situate themselves, Bella took a second to rest in between the pains and rested her head back against the towel Edward had rolled up behind her. Knocking sounded on the door and Edward yelled loudly for whoever it was to come in, he obviously wasn't going to leave Bella at that point. Her mom peeked in a few seconds later and smiled widely. "How are you doing, baby?"

"Good. I'm okay. It hurts like hell, though," Bella breathed out.

"That it does," Renee nodded and laughed.

"You wouldn't know it by looking at her," Edward beamed. "She's like supermom or something..."

As another contraction hit, Annie took control. "Alright, we're doing this. Bella, you gotta start pushing."

Fifteen minutes later, with Bella now crying and praying to God that Allison would come out already and Edward soaked from trying to help her, she heard it. It was loud and awe-inspiring. Annie reached down and scooped up the baby, cleaning out the baby's nose and wiping off her face. Bella wanted to know what Edward was doing, she wanted to see his face, but she couldn't look away from her daughter. As his hands came into view to cut the cord, Bella heard him crying and finally tore her eyes away from Allison. Edward was sobbing with a smile on his face as he ran a finger down their daughter's cheek and kissed her forehead.

"Bella, you can hold her for a minute while daddy gets an area cleaned up to clean up the baby. We have a little more work to do yet..."

She quit listening as the newborn was handed to her and Allison took over again. The only reason she knew she was crying was because it was hard to see her daughter through the blurriness. Still, she knew Allison was beautiful. Her eyes weren't very open but Bella could definitely see green in them. They were Edward's. The love she felt for him doubled just for that. The baby made her feel that much closer to him. This was her family. No matter what had happened in her past, Edward nd Allison made it feel not so bad to have lived through it.

There were a couple nights she had wanted to give up, when she'd silently prayed for death, but she now knew that this was why she held on. This was what she'd gone through everything for. Looking away from her daughter, Bella felt exhausted and tilted her head back to rest it on the rolled up towel. As Annie said something about the placenta coming out, Bella just let the tears fall freely now. Allison was home and so was Bella. Edward was what it took for her to realize that.

The next few hours were a little hectic and since Edward had brought his new daughter in and handed her back to Bella, cleaned up, diapered and dressed, she hadn't been unable to let her go. Bella didn't realize how easily she could stare at one little person for that long. The way Allison wriggled, cried, stretched...even slept...was enough to make her smile. She was hers. This was Edward's child and she was just as perfect as Bella would have imagined.

Phone calls were made after Annie and Renee helped get Bella out of the bathtub and into her own dry, clean clothes. Annie had made sure that nothing had ripped and said that things looked pretty normal, still Bella felt a lot of pain and had some trouble walking without tearing up. Hence the reason she was now leaning against Edward as he leaned back against the headboard of their bed. Their little baby was safe and secure in Bella's arms as Edward made one phone call after another. Esme and Carlisle were called first, followed by Emmett and Rosalie, and then Jasper, Liz, and Tyler.

According to Edward, Esme was booking a flight and should be there the next day. Bella didn't even bother to ask about Carlisle, she knew he wasn't supposed to leave the state no matter the reason. It just reminded her one more time of the frustration she and Edward both felt towards his father. Emmett and Rosalie were going to fly in with Esme. Rosalie had dresses and things to show Bella for the wedding as well. Edward seemed genuinely ecstatic as he called each person and proclaimed the news of his new daughter and how perfect she was.

Feeling her eyes drift closed, Bella worried that she would fall asleep and Allison would slide out of her arms. Trying to sit up, she felt Edward's hands on her shoulders, holding her to him. "What's wrong, baby? What do you need?"

"I'm okay. I just feel like I'm falling asleep."

"I can't blame you," he chuckled. "You should be resting anyway. Come on, I'll get you settled in and take my daughter for a little while. It'll be nice to get to hold her..."

Bella just smiled a shy smile. "Sorry. I guess I am kind of hogging her..."

"Hey, you did all the work. I just can't believe how well you handled it. You were so...strong. It's like you just knew exactly what to do and you were so calm. I was expecting screaming and yelling but you were _so _calm. Well, you have a couple hours before your mom is coming back with dinner for us, anyway. Sleep..."

Bella just nodded and slid forward, wincing at the pain and turning to hand the baby to Edward. Her mom had been great after Allison was born. She had helped Edward with her new granddaughter as they got her cleaned up and clothed. She'd even showed Edward how to suction her mouth and nose. He hadn't needed too much help, having taken care of Tommy when he was a newborn. Still, Renee had helped him and then helped Bella get situated after the birth. Bella knew it hadn't been pretty but Renee had jumped right in with helping her get herself cleaned up and feeling human again.

She had also been there to help Bella try to feed Allison for the first time. It was frustrating at first and the baby wasn't latching on like Bella expected her to. Annie gave her some pointers but it was Renee who really stepped up. While the baby cried and cried, obviously hungry, Edward had been completely clueless on how to help the situation and Bella thanked God that her mother was there for her. She helped Bella position the baby better and told her some things she had done with Bella. A couple tries later and Bella had felt the pulls from the baby as her milk let down and little Allison got the hang of it.

As much as Renee had wanted to hold Allison forever, she had refrained from holding her too long and gracefully bowed out once the new family was settled. Charlie was out on a call but she promised to bring him and some food over in a few hours so Bella and Edward didn't have to worry about dinner. The woman was a saint; not crowding them and still letting them know that she was there if they needed anything.

As she watched Edward gently rock his daughter and kiss her forehead before helping Bella get under the covers with his other hand, she felt ridiculously happy. Even Diesel was handling the new baby well but he was still currently at the end of the bed watching Bella closely. It was as if the dog realized he now had not only Edward but also this new little creature as his competition. The last thing Bella remembered as she fell asleep was that she had to remember to take some time to pet him and give him some doggy treats when she woke up. He was part of the family, too. Allison's little baby noises were sounding from out in the hallway and was the perfect sound-scape to fall asleep to.

**Woohoo! Baby Cullen is here! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and would love, love, love to hear from you! Please review! **

**PS For the first time ever, I will be putting up another story while continuing this one. I'm not sure when it will happen, possibly within the next week or so, but keep a look out for it. Darkest Valley will still be updated regularly on Monday nights, still. I have 12 chapters of the other story done already and have been writing it alongside this one so it will not cause any delays or take away from this story. **

**The new story is based on a twenty-four year old Edward who lives in the city and has a lot of responsibility that he just about drives himself crazy over. Bella comes into the picture and kind of shakes up his way of life. When he begins to fall for her, Jacob Black makes an appearance causing the two to compete a little and a lot of drama for Edward's family situation. I hope you will all check it out and enjoy it :)**

**Letzy xx**


	38. Chapter 38

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

**Chapter 38**

**Dark Thoughts and Baby Blues**

Edward stared in reverence at his baby daughter as she balled her tiny fists and opened her mouth in a tired yawn. "You've been through a lot today haven't you, peanut? Just do me a favor and don't get hungry right away...your mama's been through a little bit more and she really needs her rest."

The baby stuck her whole hand into her mouth and opened her eyes a little farther than he'd seen her do it before. Her eyes were so much greener than his but he had heard that was normal in babies, that their eye color would be more brilliant than an adult's. He wondered if they would eventually match his own. Running a finger over her baby-fluff hair, he smiled at her and she made content cooing sounds. The fluff was a dark brown without a hint of bronze and he hoped that she would grow up with Bella's dark, mahogany hair.

Her little face went into a bit of a pout and Edward braced himself for the sheer cry of a newborn to cut through their little, happy moment. Kissing her onesie-covered tummy, he began to hum to her and eventually let words come. They were soft, soothing words and he realized they just came to him easily; it wasn't something he had written down or rehearsed.

When he really thought about it, he had changed almost as much as Bella. While Bella had gone from a hardened, independent yet un-trusting woman to a softened lover and mother, he had gone from a real asshole to a family man. Ally had once told him that his voice was what made people realize he was full of more than anger but when he wrote music and sang at the club with Em and Jazz, the lyrics were still kind of dark.

His life had been dark. He didn't need Esme to remind him all those times that she had, that he had lashed out many times when it wasn't necessary. He'd never admit it to her but his father's absence was ridiculously frustrating when he was growing up. Working at a night club kept Carlisle away a lot of nights and made cause for sleep most of the days when he was actually home. Esme had always had to step up and play the role of both parents. It wasn't until Edward got older that he understood why his dad was never around but by then it had been too late. His entire life it was him helping Esme take care of his family. Emmett was older but definitely not as mature. Ally was too full of life and Edward had done everything in his power to keep her from feeling Carlisle's irritating absence.

A tear ran down his cheek before he even realized his eyes were watering. He really fucking missed her. To look down at his tiny daughter and think that his sister, who had such a huge part in his life would never hold her or even be there for his wedding made him sick in the stomach. Sure, he became angry when he shouldn't. Sure, he quit school because drinking had been a big part of his life and he opted to just help out his brother. Still, it was him who moved Ally into her dorm room when she'd gone off to school, picked Emmett's business back up when things went downhill financially before Edward gave up on school, and had been there for his mother to cry on his shoulder all the nights Carlisle didn't come home when he said he would.

Seeing a child that he created in his arms made him realize that he did make mistakes over the course of the past few years but he knew he was a different person now. His beautiful, broken Bella had made him realize that it was okay to do something for himself. She was what he wanted. Feeling an insane amount of emotions inside of him, he had trouble keeping his focus on one thing. He missed his sister. He loved Bella. He would do anything for the little girl now sleeping in his arms. Putting his head back, he let the tears come as he let memories of Alice come back to him.

Memories of protecting Alice throughout her life brought Bella to mind. When he was drinking and thinking he was happy dating Janie...and just simply being irresponsible, Bella was literally in a hell he wouldn't wish on anyone. Fighting down the anger that came to him anytime he thought of what was done to her before he met her; he tried to remind himself that he had her now. She was safe. Alice wasn't, though. He began to hate himself for bringing his sister back into this. He was driving himself crazy.

The jingling of a collar got him to look towards the stairs where he found Bella and Diesel watching him. She looked sad. Of all things, sadness was not something she should be feeling on a day like today. Trying to slide his hand out from under Allison to wipe his eyes, he did little more than wake her up. She let out a cry and that brought Bella right over to them. Lifting her shirt up, she pulled her bra cup down and took Allison from him. As he watched Bella feed his daughter, it took a minute for him to realize he was still crying. _Christ, Cullen, could you be more of a baby about this right now?_

Once Bella was settled in, she reached her hand out and rubbed Edward's arm. "What's wrong?"

"A lot," he nodded honestly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he frowned.

"I should have realized it's going to take a while before you're comfortable with her."

"It's not about Allison. Bella, I loved her. I want to take care of her. It's just...now that she's here...it's reminding me of..." he let his voice trail off as he tried to put his thoughts in order and was again unsuccessful.

"The people who aren't?" Bella finished quietly.

"Yeah." He flinched as his voice cracked. It was Bella he had expected to be emotional. The girl hadn't even had a freak out during the birth. He really fucking loved her.

"Edward, your sister would have been," Bella paused and shook her head, allowing her own tears to come for a second, "so damn proud of you. She wouldn't have batted an eye when you told her you got me pregnant. She would have been happy for us. I'm sure she's up there watching you and loving her new baby niece..."

A sob tore through his body as he listened to Bella's voice. "I'm sorry..." he blurted, wiping at his tears again.

"I don't know exactly who you were before we got together but from what I hear, you definitely weren't the same person you are today. I don't want you to have to change yourself to be with me. If you want to drink, do it. If you want to smoke, just don't do it around Allison. If you want to pick fights...well...that you'll have to do a lot less of still because I'll be super mad if you end up in jail. Again." Bella was smiling, trying to make him feel better and it was kind of working.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. If there's something I think we've learned over the past few months, it's that my fears and my past are here to stay. I thought I overcame it but I didn't and I probably never completely will. It's okay to still be who we are. We're not perfect. I don't want you to change your entire life because of me. I still want you to be able to get the education you want, I want you to be able to see your family, and I want you to still be that no bull...crap...guy that I fell in love with. You've moved so far from everyone for me and I still wish your family was closer to you."

"I am really excited to see everyone. Em especially."

"Why don't you go stay with them after we get settled in with Allison?"

"I'm not ready to leave you guys yet. I won't be for a while."

"Well, when she's a little older, we'll make it a priority, okay?"

"You're my family, too, ya know. When she's a little older, we'll all go visit."

"Well, that kind of reminds me of something," Bella smiled but then became a little distracted as she positioned the newborn to burp her. "I kind of want to have the wedding out there."

"Really? My mom would love that..."

"Yeah. I've actually been talking to Tyler about it and he's really excited. I know he'd help me find a good venue and everything."

Edward couldn't help but laugh when he thought of the role Bella might have Tyler playing in the wedding. "So, um, do I need to break the news to Jazz that he'll be escorting Ty down the aisle that day?"

Bella laughed in earnest as well before shaking her head. "No. He might get the chance to escort an older woman, though..."

"Really? Who?"

"I was kind of thinking about Liz. I know it's a little unconventional but she's the one I rely on and who I spill all my secrets to, even now when she lives pretty far out there. Do you think she'd be willing to be my maid of honor?"

"I bet she'll be honored. It's very nice of you to ask. Plus, Jazz could do a lot worse..."

Bella loved how Edward was with their daughter. At first, she was worried he wouldn't be able to handle it. While he had been with Tommy a lot, it was different when it was his own child. He called into work to tell them what was going on and they told him to take a week off and that he'd be put onto a regular schedule when he came back. Bella was glad for the time with him and was excited to see his family the next day. Knocking on the door a little later mad the sounds of her parents coming in quietly also had her breaking out in a smile. Charlie had yet to see his granddaughter.

Watching Edward hand his daughter to Charlie brought tears to Bella's eyes and made her sniffle when Charlie teared up as well. Edward's arms came around Bella and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too. She's so beautiful."

"I know. She's absolutely perfect, Bells. Thank you."

"Huh? For what?"

"Giving her a good start. Taking care of her. Thank you."

"It took two to create her, Edward. I should be thanking you..."

"Well, we have pizza," Renee smiled, heading into the kitchen. "Bella, I also have a little present for you, honey," she added as the group followed her in.

"Mom, you didn't have to," Bella said as Edward helped her into a kitchen chair and brought her over a slice of pizza. Renee handed her a pink gift bag. Opening it up and pulling out the tissue paper, Bella smiled when she saw what it was, a crocheted baby blanket that was obviously done by hand. "This is beautiful! Did you make this? I didn't know you knew how to crochet..."

"No. I didn't. That was always you and your Gram's thing."

Bella smiled as she thought about the days she had worked on her own blankets with her grandmother. The last one she made had been... The smile faded immediately. These colors were not colors of a normal baby blanket; it was only the size that gave it away. The dark blue, purple and greens were woven differently at the one side but not the other. It had been so long ago, she had completely forgotten about it. Her hands began to shake.

"Bella?" she heard Edward asking as if he was scared.

She couldn't catch her breath to reassure him but managed to get out one, questioning word, "Mom?"

Renee was crying now and Bella felt she'd be crying herself if she could get her brain to function. "You had left it at her house the last time you were there. She felt the need to finish it for you. It was originally made with the intention of giving it to a charity that took baby blankets for babies in the hospitals but then she got sick and..."

"Oh, mom," Bella choked out. "I didn't even...what happened to her?"

"Breast cancer, love. She was diagnosed a few months after you were...gone. She fought for two years and when she was stuck in bed towards the end, that's all she'd want to work on. I couldn't give it away after she passed and I found it when we were cleaning things out. I held onto it and when I found out you were here and alive, I've wanted to give it to you but couldn't figure out how. I'm sorry if it upsets you now...maybe I should have waited but it means more now that there's another generation in our family..."

Bella was aware that Edward was now rubbing her arms from behind her and Charlie was trying to pretend he was too absorbed by Allison to notice the situation. Then again, he probably wasn't having too much trouble pretending. "This was really amazing," Bella reassured her mom.

"I didn't know you could crochet," Edward smiled, reaching down to run his fingers over the yarn.

"I don't know if I could still do it but I used to sit with my grandmother for hours working on it. My dad's mom was amazing. Mom wasn't very close to her mom but Grammy Swan kind of accepted her as her own. She was an amazing woman."

Charlie sniffled a little and Bella refused to look at him. He'd hate if she saw him cry over this. "Mom, thank you. I love it. I'm sure Allison will love it, too. We should eat...I'm starving..."

Taking a bite of the hot pizza, Bella moaned a little and closed her eyes. She'd definitely worked up an appetite earlier and had not been in the mood to eat before. As sore as she was, that one bite of pizza was absolutely what she needed. So, when another knock on the door sounded, she couldn't help but frown a little. Edward just laughed, obviously having picked up on her mood, and said he'd answer it. Seconds later, he came back in carrying two casserole dishes and a bowl.

"Bells, some of the ladies from the neighborhood are here. They'd like to say hello. I didn't want to ask them in if you felt too uncomfortable..."

"No. Bring them. That's really, really sweet of them!"

Two white-haired women came into the kitchen following Edward with wide smiles on their faces. "How are you feeling dear?"

"A little sore but very happy," she said as Charlie handed her Allison. "Edward and I...well, we all love her so, so much already."

"Well, when we heard you had the baby when we ran into Renee at the store, we just had to bring some stuff over for you and your family."

"Oh, would you like to hold her? She seems healthy and we have an appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow but could you possibly wash your hands first? I just worry about germs and..." she let her voice trail off as the ladies both made a move for the kitchen sink like they were on a mission. With clean hands, they passed the baby around and cooed at the infant. Edward seemed a little tense but they soon handed her back to Bella and he seemed to calm down.

"Such a cutie," one of the ladies said. "She takes after her daddy..."

Bella couldn't contain her laughter at that and Edward's entire face turned red. Renee was trying to stifle her laughter as well when Allison began to cry. While all she wanted was that pizza, her daughter eating had to be more important. To her mortification, she could feel her milk letting down and she had not thought to put any pads in her bra. Feeling emotional, and like someone who didn't know what she was doing, tears stung her eyes.

"Thank you, ladies," Bella managed to force a smile as she stood and went with her daughter up to the nursery.

Edward came up a few minutes later with Renee in tow, obviously Charlie was not comfortable coming with them and Bella was thankful for that. "You okay?" Edward asked quietly.

She nodded and took a deep breath. Allison was dozing in and out of sleep and would latch and unlatch as she did so. Bella just wasn't able to break the bond between them even though this had been going on for almost fifteen minutes now. "Honey, if you need anything, you just have to ask," Renee told her softly.

"I know. I'm just...I need some time." _I'm pathetic. I have all the help I could need. I have a wonderful man who wants to be there for his daughter. There is nothing wrong with Allison, she's here and safe. Why the hell do I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin?_

"I know it's a lot to take in, baby. Just try to relax and enjoy your little one. Is there anything at all that needs done? I've put the food away that was brought over and I brought everything that belonged in here up from the bathroom earlier. Do you need me to stay tonight?"

"Mom, I'll be fine. Thank you, though. I'm just very tired and very sore. Just sitting here hurts."

"Alright," Edward said stepping in. "Let's get Allison settled for the night and get you into bed where you can lay down. Your dad took Diesel for a walk. I think he realized the dog is still following you around like crazy and you don't need added stress right now."

Bella began to cry again. For no reason. "Bells, get some sleep. We'll be by tomorrow. Edward's family will be here in the morning and I told him I'd pick them up from the airport and bring them here. I took off work tomorrow."

After a hug and a kiss and a goodnight to her granddaughter, Renee left and Bella reluctantly handed Allison to Edward. The little girl stayed asleep as Edward gently laid her in the bassinet in their bedroom and helped Bella change. She felt completely self-conscious and when he realized that, he just made sure she had her change of clothes and made sure she'd be okay before heading downstairs. Diesel came in ten seconds later and watched her dress before nuzzling her hand with his nose. As she decided to pet him before climbing into bed, Edward appeared with a plate of pizza and a glass of milk.

Then it began. More tears. "I love you," she said with a sob.

"Bella, you're exhausted. You did so well today, baby. You have to be hungry so you eat and relax and then we'll both head to bed. I'm sure this quiet won't last long."

"Your family is coming tomorrow! I need to..."

"Sleep. I'm not budging on this. You get more anxious when you're tired like this. I don't want to see you end up with a panic attack because of it. I'll make sure everything is cleaned up to your liking in the morning but you need to talk care of you Come on."

"I don't feel right."

"Physically? Bella, I know you don't want to but if I have to take you to the..."

"No! It's not like that. I just feel... I honestly don't know how to describe it," she sighed, taking a few bites of the pizza.

"You've had an emotional day. Helene said you're more prone to being anxious when you have days like this...even if it's good emotion."

"Edward? Unless you have tend to Allison tonight, can you please not leave me alone? If I have a nightmare, wake me up. I have a bad feeling about tonight."

"Of course," he said. When her plate was empty he took it back and set it on the dresser. "We'll deal with that tomorrow."

As he got undressed and climbed under the covers with her, she got as close to him as she possibly could and breathed him in. The feeling of safety flooded her until she remembered something. He must have felt her stiffen because he asked her what was wrong. "I don't know what to do about tomorrow. I can't believe I didn't think of it. I think I know why I'm so upset."

"Why?" he asked, generally confused.

"Allison's appointment. God, what kind of mother am I? How can I not take my newborn infant daughter to the doctors?"

"We're going tomorrow. What do you mean?"

"I don't know if I can go with you guys..."

Recognition flickered across his face and he frowned. "We don't have to go right away. Annie said that she seems perfectly healthy and she's been eating well. We can wait a little longer..."

"No. I need to know she's okay."

"Just rest and you can decide tomorrow. If you can't, and that's fine, my mom and Renee will be happy to come with me."

"I want to go," Bella said stubbornly.

"Then come with us. Please just go to sleep. You can decide tomorrow."

As Bella began to sniffle, they both knew why she was so upset this time. The first trip out of the house for Allison was supposed to happen and she would miss it. This appointment was important to Bella and yet she didn't know if she could handle it. She knew she wasn't normal and when she thought of this just being yet another effect of what happened to her, it was nearly unbearable. Edward didn't say a word as he just held her tighter than was necessary and hummed to her softly until she fell asleep.

**Thank you so much for all the feedback-even those of you who replied twice ;) lol I seriously freaking love you! I'm having some problems with the next chapter, having trouble deciding if I want to leave it the way it is or not. So, while I'm busy working at it, it would be lovely to hear from you-and definite motivation! I'm glad you are all excited that the little one has arrived :) Please review this one and let me know what you think! Letzy xx**


	39. Chapter 39

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

****Disclaimer- Contains some very dark themes such as rape and suicide. Please read at your own discretion! This chapter is DEFINITELY rated M!**

**Chapter 39**

**Things Get Darker, Life Gets Harder**

"Edward? What time is it?"

"Nine," he groaned.

"When is everyone coming?"

"Ten," he yawned.

"We need to get up."

"Mmph..." he muttered.

"You can stay here. I'm going to go down and straighten up. You were up with her more than I was last night."

"Mmm..." he mumbled, she assumed, in agreement.

Bella cringed as she sat up in bed and swung her legs over. Soreness was not the word to describe what she was feeling. She had gotten up three times during the night to feed Allison but Edward had been the one to get her if that was what their daughter needed. The other two times, he had handled her on his own and allowed Bella to sleep. She doubted he got more than four hours in.

Checking in on her now sound asleep daughter, she motioned for Diesel to go ahead of her and they both headed for the kitchen. Tea. Bella knew that when she was sick or not feeling well, her mom always recommended tea. Of course, they had none which but her into a foul mood yet again. _Hormonal much? You have your child! This is what you have always dreamed of. She's perfect!_

Bella sighed and grabbed the newspaper from two days ago off the counter. She needed to remember to ask Edward if he could stop at the library and pick some books up for her the next time he was out. She'd been meaning to ask him but he'd been busy lately. Well, he still was rather busy. Currently, they were using the money she had saved from working at the club to pay their bills. He'd been against it but she refused to use the money he was supposed to use for school. He might go back someday. While the car had been a gift from her parents, since he'd left the academy, they worked it out with her parents that she and Edward would handle their own bills, despite protests from Renee and a proud look from Charlie.

Charlie liked Edward's sense of responsibility which made her rest easy that he was definitely okay with the impending marriage. Still, with car insurance, house payments, cell phone bills, cable and internet, garbage, water...the list went on, that money was not going to be there forever. Before Edward had taken the job he currently had, she tried to remind him that the money was still there for them to use and would last for at least a little while. After a few discussions, and one frustrated argument, Bella began to realize that there was something else bothering him about using that money.

During their final disagreement concerning her trying to convince him it was okay to spend it and him telling her to save it, he made a comment that basically told her he would rather pretend the money didn't exist at all-despite all the good it could do. Bella didn't know if he was ashamed of how she got it, though she had high doubts about that particular reasoning, or if he just simply couldn't stand the idea that their family home was being funded by money from her using her body and men getting enjoyment out of it. So, that money hung out there, being used sparingly, while he worked his ass off to make sure she was okay emotionally and financially. To be honest, she still didn't know how to feel about that. Perhaps she could talk to her therapist, Helene. Hopefully she would be honest with her about it. She'd vowed not to bring it up again to Edward after his little outburst.

She read the comics and when she was awake enough to get something accomplished, she ran the vacuum cleaner and straightened up the bathroom. As she went about these mundane tasks, she realized how ridiculous her life had become. She was a grown-up now with a little girl that depended on her to be there for her and a husband who was basically doing everything for her. He worked, he cooked because Bella still had issues remembering to do so on a regular basis, he did the shopping, he took care of the nursery and the problems around the house... he deserved a break and she needed to act like the adult that she was.

Shaking her head at herself, she looked in the mirror after wiping down the counter and wondered when things had gotten so bad. Back in the city, she had been solid. She had made friends-granted at a strip club, had a job-also at a strip club, had her own place, and even felt independent. Now, she was actually making mental notes to remind Edward to pick up books for her because she was too damn anxious to go to the fucking library by herself. There had been a phase where she blamed herself for what happened to her, probably a year or so where she was mad at herself. This though, this was pathetic.

As she stared at her reflection, the last thought she had before going to answer the knocks at the front door wasn't about the fact that she had bed head and was in pajamas, it was the fact that the dark circles under her eyes kind of made her look a little dead. She could remember wishing she'd die and suddenly she felt a cold chill that reached down to her marrow. Bella opened the door and had to smile at the fact that instead of her in-laws, all she saw was a large balloon bouquet, one of those large novelty cards, and flowers.

Of course, Diesel was none too thrilled about this little party on his doorstep and he immediately began to growl. Parting the balloons, she looked through them to see Emmett smiling at her. Of course, with poor Emmett, she had to fight her fear of him before smiling again and welcoming everyone inside, after grabbing the dog by his collar and hoisting him back with her.

"Diesel, stop!" Bella said sternly and the German Shepard immediately plopped his butt down and whined.

Esme hugged her first, ignoring the annoyed animal, as Renee helped Emmett get the presents situated in the living room and Rosalie looked around, obviously searching out the newborn. After the hellos, Bella absently placed her hand on her stomach and then realized that there was no baby to feel. She felt empty. It scared her that the baby wasn't in reach and had a sudden urge to go upstairs and check on her. "She's asleep but I'll go get her if you'd like."

"Where's Eddie?" Emmett asked with a loud voice and Rosalie slapped his arm.

"Em, there is a baby sleeping in the house. Be a little quieter!"

"Edward's sleeping," Bella answered him.

"Can I go wake him up?"

"Do so at your own risk but let me get Allison first. I don't want you two to scare her when he murders you a room away. Poor guy didn't get much sleep last night." Bella thought Diesel would follow her and leave the company alone but he plopped down at the bottom of the stairs this time like a gatekeeper when Bella went up them.

"Cute dog," Bella heard Emmett say sarcastically through the floorboards.

"He's actually rather sweet. He's just very...protective...of Bella. He used to be a member of the police's K-9 unit," Renee replied.

"Edward told us a little about him," Esme put in.

"Will he bite?" Rose asked anxiously.

"I don't think so. He's been trained better than that..."

Bella made sure that Allison's diaper was changed before bringing her down the stairs carefully. Esme's hands flew to her mouth and she teared up. "Bella, she's so precious..."

"Did you hear her screaming a few moments ago?" Emmett asked. "What were you doing to the poor thing?"

"Changing her diaper. I know. She makes it sound like I'm murdering her. Speaking of murder, you can go wake your brother now."

Emmett headed upstairs, which Diesel was okay with now that his owner was back in his line of sight. While Esme held her granddaughter for the first time, Bella listened to the telltale thuds and curses coming from upstairs.

"Long night, huh?" Renee asked, bringing her a doughnut from the box she'd brought in.

"Yeah. He got up with her every time so I could sleep. I need to start pumping but I'm a little too attached to feeding her myself yet."

"So everything's going well?" Rosalie asked, rubbing the baby's arm.

"So far. She has an appointment later today with the doctor but the midwife said she was fine. I'm just paranoid I guess." Bella literally shook at the other paranoid idea going through her head, one that involved a white-coated man taking her daughter and disappearing. She had to stop this. They needed to know Allison was okay.

"Well, there's Mr. Sunshine," Rosalie laughed as they all turned to see Edward coming down the stairs. While he had just gotten out of bed and already looked disheveled, Emmett was looking pretty roughed up as well and it was obvious they'd gotten into it upstairs. Now, though, the Cullen brothers were both smiling. Edward really missed them.

He got a hug from Esme first, which involved tears and lasted much longer than normal hugs. Rosalie had the baby now so she just got a side hug and a kiss on the cheek from Edward. Emmett must have already said his hellos because he was now chowing down on the food Renee had brought in. "Did you guys have a good flight?" Edward asked to anyone who wanted to answer.

"I slept the whole way," Emmett announced.

"Must be nice," his brother shot back.

"That's too cute," Rosalie practically giggled. "Edward, she must know your voice. Her little eyes are looking in your direction every time you talk."

Suddenly, a loud cry got everyone's attention and Rosalie handed the little girl to her father. He checked her diaper as Bella watched on. Obviously, he hadn't realized her diaper was just changed. Bella felt wetness on her shirt and crossed her arms before walking over to them. "I need to feed her," she whispered shyly. With a kiss on the baby's forehead and then one on her own, he let Bella take her upstairs for some breakfast.

Bella settled into the glider in the nursery and adjusted them so they were both comfortable while listening to the chatter downstairs. She smiled in pride as Edward gushed about how 'brave' and 'strong' 'his Bella' was during the delivery. It was what was said a few moments later by Esme that made her frown. Deeply. "Is she going to be able to do this? I know you said she was having some problems...adjusting back here in Forks."

"Mom, she's going to be okay..." answered an annoyed Edward.

"I just don't want to see anything happen to either one of them if she is having trouble..."

"Bella's doing wonderfully with her," a defensive Renee put in.

"Well," Edward cleared his throat, "I do need to ask a favor from someone. You guys can all fight it out but I would really like it if someone went with me to the pediatrician today. Bella's not going to be able to handle it and I'm a little nervous about taking Allison out for the first time by myself."

Tears came and Bella just let them fall, not wanting to jostle her hungry daughter. Holding the baby slightly closer, Bella realized that she would have to pump soon if Edward would have at least one bottle to take later that day in case they got held up at their appointment. Allison wasn't even a day old yet and she was going to be taken away from Bella. The thought made her sick, terrified, and anxious all at once. _How could I still be so affected by all of this? How can I let those bastards have the upper __hand? Still?_

Bella didn't know who would be accompanying Edward and her newborn to the doctor later because she'd quit listening when the fear of the baby being more than a few feet away from her hit. She had no idea how she was going to cope. When Allison began to fuss, Bella pulled her up to burp her but realized that wasn't what was wrong after a few good burps came from the little girl. Allison could tell that something wasn't right. _Will she miss me while she's away from me? She's never even seen a bottle. She won't know what to do. What if she won't take it? What if she thinks I've abandoned her? _

The fear became stifling now and she began singing a soft lullaby to Allison; the same one that she'd heard Edward singing to her yesterday. When she couldn't remember the rest of the words, she hummed and the baby eventually settled down, dozing off a little. Soon after Allison was asleep completely, Edward came in with a knock and a smile. When he was in front of her, that's when the frown hit. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Swallowing hard and trying to find the courage to say what she needed to, Bella hesitated to answer and Edward must have taken this as a sign to tell her what he'd come upstairs to say. "Esme and Renee are going to tag along with me later. Rose and Em are going to stay with you. I need to know if it's okay to leave you with my brother or not. I know you're still iffy about him and I can just have him come with us, too..."

"No," Bella managed to get out.

"No to what? He doesn't have to stay here."

"No to our moms going with you."

"Bella, I'm not trying to hurt you but you're the one insisting on her seeing a doctor already and I'm really unsure about taking her out on my own..."

"I could handle it..."

"I have no doubt that you could," Edward said with a comforting smile, as if trying to appease a child. "I'm just not that baby-ready like you. I'm learning..."

"No, Edward," Bella whispered frantically, trying to make him understand. "I can't do this. I can't stay here with them while you're out there with her. What if she needs me? What if she needs fed or she just wants me and can't find me?"

"Hey, Bells, calm down." He dropped to his knees and rubbed her arm. "Do you want me to cancel the appointment? Renee and mom will be there to help me and I'm sure she'll forgive you for missing this. Bella, she's a day old. She won't even remember that you weren't there. I'm sure three of us can handle one infant..."

Standing up, Bella gently laid the baby in the crib before taking Edward's hand and pulling him into their bedroom. Tears came fast and hard and Edward just watched in torment, obviously not knowing what to say. Through tears of frustration, terror, and anxiety, Bella managed to choke out the words, "I'm going with you. I can't stand the idea of being away from her like that. Not yet..."

Edward immediately snapped out of the loss for words he was in and stepped towards her cautiously. "Bella, baby, listen to me. You're not going to be able to handle this that well..."

"That's not fair!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you! Just listen. I don't want you to end up having a panic attack from the whole situation. I'm not going to be able to help you out of there as easily as you're used to because I'll have to make sure Allison is okay and..."

"I'm doing this, Edward," Bella practically growled through clenched teeth. "She's my daughter. I'm not leaving her."

"Then at least give it a couple days. Give yourself time to prepare for it. Annie said everything looked great and the appointment doesn't have to happen today. You're emotional and..."

"Mad. I'm very mad. Go down to your family, Edward. I need some time by myself," she sniffled, aware that the tears were back.

He was crying now, too. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me. Please. I'm trying to do what's best for you and Allison both. I'm not trying to upset you or be mean..."

"I'm not mad at you," Bella groaned, so frustrated with herself that she realized that's where the anger was coming from. "I don't want to be _me_ anymore. I don't want this for you or for her. I can't be fixed. I should have known that I'm too ruined to be a mother. There's a reason I wasn't supposed to get pregnant. I've been ruined by those men and I let them do it. They didn't always even have to force me to do what they wanted..."

"Bella, stop," Edward said sternly, making her realize she was saying things he didn't want to hear. That was why she was doing it, though. He had to know.

"There was this one guy who loved to hit me. If I wasn't crying, he couldn't get it up..."

"Dammit, Bella, stop it!"

"No. You need to know what you're marrying! They have_ ruined_ me. Why can't you see that?"

As Allison began to cry in the background and Bella realized how loud she was being, she watched Edward just shaking his head back and forth in horror. Slowly, he began to back away from her. "I'm going to get Allison to calm down and see if Renee will take my family out for a little while. I think you need some space right now."

Bella's heart shattered completely as he left. Falling to the floor, unable to find the strength to pick herself back up, she grabbed the comforter off of her bed and put it to her mouth. Sobs tore through her throat as the thick material muffled it. Diesel eventually nosed the door open and walked over to her as if he too sensed that Bella was upset. He laid beside her and rested his head on her knee as her shoulders heaved. "_You're nothing. You're a no one, Izzy. Even if you do make a life for yourself away from us, who would have you? You're dirty from the inside out!"_

The mean words of her captors pushed through her mind and she wondered when the last time was that she let herself think them. Years. It had been years. She hated herself now more than she did all those years ago when she used to wonder if there was a point to her survival. She had been friendless, penniless and terrified with no one to turn to for even advice on what to do. She hadn't known how to live on her own and hated that she had grown accustomed to her meals of oatmeal and soured milk or stagnant water being brought to her when she behaved as she was told. "_This is the life you know now, girl. You'll never get out."_

Looking down at her shaking hands, she hated the idea that Allison had come in contact with them. They were the hands that touched men who were just as filthy as she was. What kind of life could she give her daughter? A life of being unable to go out in public whenever Allison's friends were going somewhere. A life of never being told the truth about what her mother had been through. A life of never knowing how her parents met because Bella was now too ashamed to admit that she'd been a stripper and that's how they were paying their bills when Allison was born. Bella made herself sick. She'd never thought twice about the stripping job but she now realized that more respectable women never even go inside one of those places.

Then, of course, there was Edward. He didn't know all of it. He didn't want to hear it, he'd made that quite clear, but shouldn't he know who he was making love to? Shouldn't he understand that she had done things that she had never even realized people had fetishes for until she was forced to use those fantasies to bring pleasure to those disgusting men? Her mind went back to the things her Grammy Swan used to say to her when she was younger. While Renee had given her the birds and bees talk when she'd turned fifteen, Grammy Swan had always just preached abstinence. The strict, Bible following woman had made it clear what gift was meant to be saved for marriage. Bella had nothing to offer her husband, there was absolutely no innocence left inside or even outside of her.

A knife twisted in her side as she thought of how much love he gave her and still had to give. Was it wasted on someone who was already just a waste? Surely there was someone out there for him who was pure and good. Someone who would make a mother that a little girl would be proud of. There had been doubts in Bella's mind since she'd become pregnant that she would be a good mom but now she knew. She would not be attending her daughter's first appointment because she was being told that she couldn't handle it...and she probably couldn't. Edward was right but so was she. She really wasn't a good mom.

For the first time in years, Bella began to wonder if it would have been better that she'd been left with Mike and his bastards. More heart-stopping was the fact that she wondered, for the first time ever, if maybe Edward and their little girl would be better off without her. More self-hatred came with that thought and she put her head in her hands angrily and began to rock back and forth. Diesel had begun to whine and Bella felt like she was drowning. Everything she'd fought so hard to bury had been resurrected. It was back. The suicidal thoughts, the hopelessness, the shame-it was all right there. Her tear-soaked comforter there as proof.

_"Your name is _Izzy_ to the clients and you're the_ only _girl here with that name. I have a very _open_ relationship with my paying customers and you better believe I will be kept in the loop concerning your behavior. If you want to eat, you will push out your chest, stick out your ass, and put a smile on your face...or don't smile. A lot of our guys would like it better if you were upset. They want a shy, young girl, not a ruined whore like you."_

_Bella shook in terror as the man walked back and forth in her little cell, giving her a reminder of how things would be for her. She had nothing to do but rest and please. That was all she was _permitted_ to do. Apparently, the girls that were bruised or had some sort of injuries...or were just too old for the perverted clientele who paid the money, were the ones to clean up after the men and help organize things. At first, Bella had thought they were lucky. Later, she would learn they had it the worst. She couldn't imagine having to enable these men to do what they were doing to other defenseless girls. _

_"Strip," Mike demanded now instead of leaving like she'd hoped he would. When she crossed her arms and looked down at the dirty sweat pants she was wearing, he walked over to her and hit her in the back of the head. "Do it."_

_Bella bit back tears as she stood numbly from the hard mattress and pulled off her shirt. When she hesitated to finish the deed, she realized that she would have to remember to never, ever do that again. Mike grabbed her sweatpants and ripped them off of her, causing her to fall and hit her heard on the bars of the room she was in. She had no underwear on and the cement floor was freezing. Her feet were already like ice cubes and now the rest of her body felt as if ice was flowing in her veins. "Stand up!" he screamed at her next._

_She pulled herself up, completely dazed from the two hits to the head. She would learn over time that she would always be hit in places that people wouldn't see the bruises-like where her head was covered with hair. Righting herself against the bars, she saw that the girls in the cells around her were at least seemingly averting their eyes to give her a little respect. At least. The guards weren't exactly all that kind, though. Most were smiling at her defilement. As Mike took her roughly against the cold, hard steel bars, that's when she knew. Her body wasn't the only thing that would be broken in this hell. Her mind didn't stand a fucking chance._

Bella was aware that not only had she been yelling but also that she had thrown up. Her stomach rolling had been what woke her from the harsh nightmare that had been her reality. There wasn't much for her to throw up but it was enough that she felt even more ashamed and disgusted with herself. Too tired and mentally drained to cry any more, she breathed shallow breaths as she pulled herself into an upright position and picked up the soiled comforter. Diesel was whining loudly and she had a feeling that it might have been his yelps that had helped to wake her more than her stomach. Thankfully, the house was quiet. At least she hadn't embarrassed herself in front of Edward's family...again.

Icy spikes traveled down her spine when she realized that Edward probably left. Not only was he upset with her but she had no idea what time it was and surely the appointment would be soon. Allison had been taken from her and she had to deal with it. They had some formula in the kitchen in case the breast-feeding didn't work out and Bella knew Edward would do what he had to do to care for the baby. Her daughter was probably better off that way, Bella thought to herself and wanted to vomit again. As she opened the door to their bedroom to go down to the basement and wash the comforter, she gasped when she saw Edward sitting at the top of the stairs with a baby monitor in his hand and puffy, red eyes.

When he saw what Bella was carrying and realized why it was on the way to the wash, he jumped to his feet. "What happened? Are you okay? I...I don't know what to do..."

It was obvious he was at a complete loss and it was killing him but she didn't have the ability to respond. Instead, she let tears slide down her cheeks yet again as she pushed passed him to go downstairs. "I called Helene," Edward whispered, "she's on her way."

Bella wondered what the woman would say. Fear blanketed her as the implications of what could happen to her surfaced in her mind. "No..."

"Bella, you need help. This could be post-partum or..."

"It's not," Bella ground out, her throat burned terribly from the bile and the screaming. "I'd never hurt Allison. I'm not like those women that hurt their babies. I'm not..."

"Bella, I know. That's not what this is about. Obviously having Allison knocked your emotions around big time and something is off balance..."

"You have to tell her I'm okay," Bella begged now in horror.

"You like her. You know her. She can help you..." Edward reassured her, taking the comforter and dropping it on the floor so he could get her to focus on him.

"No. Please, Edward. I can't...she can't see me. Not right now!"

"Why are you so panicked? Bella, you have to breathe. You're shaking..."

"She'll take me to the hospital. I don't want to go. Not there."

"Bella!" Edward took her by the shoulders, his fingers digging into her collar bones. "Stop this! Why would she take you to a hospital? Why now? You've seen her for a while now and has she ever tried to do that? You know I wouldn't let her..."

"You would, though. You would if you knew!"

"I don't need to know what happened to you before..."

"No! You don't understand! I thought about dying," Bella blurted. "I don't want to die...not now but I did..."

Edward's expression shook Bella's system so bad that she immediately grabbed at her face in an effort to take the words back. Stepping away from him, her foot hit the top step funny and she nearly tripped. He grabbed her arm more violently than he had ever touched her in the entire time they'd been together and Bella panicked, despite the fact that she knew he was just grabbing her so she wouldn't fall down a flight of stairs. He hadn't done it to hurt her, still it was what her mind thought was happening and her body reacted with a scream.

When he made sure she was steady and raised his hands as if to tell her he wasn't touching her anymore, she knew it was going to happen. Her vision began to blur and it was like everything was fragmented. Falling backwards, she felt him touch her again as he tried to stop her from hitting the floor. The upstairs carpet cushioned her fall as she lay at the top of the stairs, letting the darkness come for her. If God was answering her prayer, the one she now deeply regretted, she had to tell Edward so much before He took her for good. There was so, so much she needed to say to him. "I'm sorry" was all she managed.

**Everyone still breathing? The good news is this is the BAD chapter. The next few are going to calm down a bit and things are going to start to work themselves out. HAVE FAITH! I also have to give a huge thanks to my beta, even though I already did at the beginning, for helping me with some mommy information. (I took some liberties that aren't exactly encouraged by all when it comes to newborns because of Bella's...condition.) Any bending of the truth I did on my own. I hope you all enjoyed it, though, and continue on this journey with me. I'd love to hear from you! Letzy xx**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

**A Walk in the Park**

There were many bad sounds. For instance, the sound of a garbage disposal or the sound of drunk bar patron puking their guts out in Emmett's bar's bathroom. Edward had heard many bad sounds in his life, from fighting parents to his mother's sobs as they lowered his baby sister into the ground. Today, as he sat on the couch with his new daughter laying on his bent legs that were propped on the coffee table, her little feet pushing against his stomach, he had to contend with the sound that shook him to his core every damn time he heard it: his Bella letting out a scream of terror.

It wasn't the way Janie and Alice screamed that night they'd gone to a haunted house all those years ago. It wasn't the way a little kid screamed when they wanted a candy bar so badly and knew even when they were only five that while mommy said she couldn't afford that candy bar, she could find the money to buy a pack of those white sticks she always seemed to have in her mouth. No, Bella was having another nightmare and she was screaming in a fight for her life.

It had never been this bad. Ever. Many times she had told him that things had been worse for her before, when she first ran away, compared to how she was now. He was beginning to wonder if that still stood. He also wondered if there was anything at all he could do to help her. Helene was practically there all the time and she had just left to go speak with someone at the hospital. Edward looked down at his daughter and wondered what they would do if Bella was hospitalized. It killed him that she had this wonderful baby girl yet her mind wouldn't even let her enjoy it.

Annie talked about what it must have been like for Bella, having the trauma of childbirth after being through the other trauma's in her life. They figured that the birth had triggered something deep inside Bella, something that was thought to have been pushed down for good. There were victim's services but she was too afraid to seek them out. It wasn't like he could force her. While Emmett and Rosalie had gone back to the city, his mother decided to stay with Renee and Charlie so that she could be around if they needed help. Edward had taken Helene's advice and told them all what was going on. Bella's mother was devastated but Charlie was just angry. Of course, it wasn't directed towards Bella. The men who had done this to her were still ruining their lives.

As Allison lay watching him, her little belly rising and falling as she breathed steadily, he wondered what he should do. No, he knew what he should do, it was just that he didn't know if he could bring himself to do it. Since she'd passed out and nearly fallen down the stairs after proclaiming that little fear-inducer that she didn't want to die but she had considered it, he'd been on edge.

He'd been reminding himself since then that he had made progress with her, that she was now in a safe environment, had put on some healthy weight, and that she had seemed to be doing better. Now it was five steps backwards and she had lost her appetite and just wanted to stay in bed and hold their daughter all day. He had to go back to work in a few days and he didn't want to leave her alone. Of course, he knew Renee would stay with his girls while he went to work and Esme was already there most of the time, but it was different now. Everything was different. Just the idea that Bella had considered the idea of suicide made him feel sick.

Allison jumped a little as his cell phone went off on the table beside them and he snatched it up before it could upset her anymore. Her eyes were wide open now, like the phone was the most awesome thing she'd ever seen. It was going to be rough when she was a teenager. "Hey, Em," Edward sighed, his brother had called a couple times a day since he left to go back home.

"Hey, man. What's doing?"

"Not much. Allison and I just had lunch. Mom ran down to the store to pick up some food for dinner tonight."

"And Bella?" Edward knew that was what the big goon really wanted to know about.

"She's upstairs," he answered vaguely. The sound of footsteps coming downstairs and the shower turning on told him she was finally up. He wondered how long it would be before she snuck back to their bed. It had been four days since her fainting spell and Allison was the only one she cared to see.

Diesel came bounding down the stairs and wandered over to his food bowl. The big lug never left her side and Edward figured he should really take the dog for longer walks. The poor thing was used to physical activity, not laying around in a darkened bedroom with a depressed owner. Edward realized as the dog began chomping on his Kibble that Emmett was talking to him.

"I mean, you know I love Bella, we all do. It's just that, is this really want you want for the rest of your life? You two are going to be married and you'll have this life..."

"Emmett, I can't talk about this right now. Drop it."

"I just don't want to see you throw your life away, man. I know you'd feel guilty for calling off the wedding but..."

"I'm not calling it off. Em, seriously, back off." Allison whimpered a little and he forced himself to calm down. "I don't want a normal life if it means I'd have to be without her. It's not always like this. You know that it's not always this way with her. She just had a baby and she's been through a lot. I have to give her time. Helene says if I let her ride this out, she'll be okay. I can't force her and I don't want to upset her by trying."

"So, how's Allison?" Emmett asked, changing the subject like the brother that he was.

"Good. She's getting bigger and I'm going to try to take her to the doctor's tomorrow. I have to go back to work on Monday."

"Did you get to feed her yet?"

"Nah. I swear Bella's only happy when she's feeding her so I let her take care of it. Our bedroom and the nursery are just about the only two places Bella goes anymore. Well, she's showering now downstairs but she's not usually down here."

"Aren't you afraid to leave her alone? I mean, after what happened the other day?"

"No. If I worried about that I'd be a basket case by now. She's not going to do...it. Em, I know she won't. She loves Allison too much."

"What about you?"

"I don't know. I mean, she says it once in a while but things are definitely different. I feel like we're living in two separate worlds." Diesel was pawing at the door now and whining. "I'm going to take the dog and Allison for a quick walk. I'll talk to you later, man."

After hanging up, he went over to the door where Allison's stroller had been sitting since before she was born and reassured Diesel that they'd go out soon while he fought with the buckles, trying to figure out how exactly to strap this tiny baby into it without her rolling around. It didn't make sense. Frustrated, he was about to give up when the bathroom door opened and he heard Bella come up behind him. "Where's her car seat?"

Hearing her voice made him swallow hard. Even if she didn't want him anymore, her voice would always melt him. "It's still in the car. It hasn't been used yet." Edward had to smile at the memory of him and Emmett trying to put the thing in. It was very irritating when two grown men couldn't properly strap something into a car.

To his complete and total surprise, Bella stepped around him in her bare feet and walked outside. He froze, Diesel shot out the door to follow her and Allison became completely still, still enough that it caught his attention and he looked down to make sure she was okay. They both stared at each other, him wondering what her mother was doing and the baby acting like even she realized this was a huge deal. Bella came back in, squinting as if the sunshine was too much for her, and set the car seat on top of the stroller, pushing it down to lock it in place.

"Where are you taking her?" The love of his life asked, shifting back and forth from one foot to the other and biting her lip as if the anticipation was killing her.

"It's warm enough out and Diesel should really get to go out longer. Bells, he can't be cooped up in the house all day like this. It's not fair to him. He's a big dog and he likes to run."

"I know," she said quietly, looking down at her hands. "So, you're taking...both...of them?"

"I was going to..."

"Can I just...can I just hold her for a minute before you leave?"

He looked out the door to see Diesel squatting in the yard. "Yeah. Take your time with her. I'm going to grab her diaper bag."

When he came back, after taking his time so that she didn't feel rushed, he found her standing in the doorway, Allison snuggled close to her, and there were tears on her cheeks. "Where's your mom?" Bella asked, sniffling a little but acting like she wasn't even crying.

"She went into town for groceries."

"Oh. Where's Helene?"

"She had some errands to run," he lied, not sure how she would react to even hearing the word 'hospital'.

"Oh."

"It's a nice day out today, isn't it?" Edward asked, his heart clenched at how painful this was, to be reduced to them just talking about the weather.

"Yes."

"I was thinking that maybe I can start cleaning up the back yard, you know, get the pool ready to open. Next month should be warm enough to take the cover off of it."

Bella looked up at him with those big doe eyes and blinked a few times before nodding. "I'd like that." Then, she leaned over and began strapping Allison into the car seat. The baby didn't like to be restrained and began to whimper and wriggle but Bella managed to fasten her in. Edward realized it was rare that they did have the baby strapped into anything. She was definitely not a fan. He sighed. His mom had told him a million times that babies like that feeling. Obviously his daughter was out of the norm. She even hated to have blankets wrapped tightly around her. If she couldn't move freely, she was pissed.

"My mom told me that my dad got a raise," Bella said nonchalantly, putting her hand on the handle of the stroller.

"That's great. He deserves it. He works a lot." Edward took a big risk and pushed the screen door open before wheeling the baby out into the fresh air. To his relief, Bella stayed with him.

"When do you go back?"

"I'm supposed to go back on Monday." She didn't respond to that and when he carefully got the stroller down the stairs, he realized she wasn't following anymore. She looked so lost, so young. Vulnerable was the word that came to mind. "Baby, look at me. I'd really, really love if you came for a walk with us. Allison, I'd bet, would love to have her mommy along on her first outdoor adventure."

She gave a little half smile and stepped down to where they were. "Okay."

"I bet the park wouldn't be too busy since it's a weekday. Let me just text my mom and tell her we'll be back in a little while, okay?"

Bella nodded while he did that and when he looked back at her, he saw her pushing the stroller back and forth to calm their annoyed daughter. As they made their way down the sidewalk, she held on tightly to the stroller with one and and his arm with the other. She kept her eyes down and he got the impression that she was trying to make herself look less noticeable. Didn't she realize that he wouldn't let anything happen to her? He'd kill anyone that so much as looked at her with the intent of hurting her. Surely she had to know she was safe with him.

"So, what do you think her hair will be like?" Bella asked a little while later. "Will it be straight but crazy like yours or wavy and crazy like mine."

"I have no idea. It's the same color as yours, though. I can't believe how much hair she has for a newborn. No wonder you had heart burn."

"I wonder what her first word will be..." Bella mused.

"I don't care as long as I'm around to hear it," Edward smiled.

"Are you...um...are you thinking or planning to..."

"Bella, what is it?"

"Are you going to leave? I know I haven't been a good wifely-type person but I'm just having trouble with things and I get scared all the time that you'll leave me here alone."

"Well, over the past few days," he answered honestly, "I kind of felt that you didn't want me here."

She stopped, causing him to stop since she had a hold of the stroller. "No...I didn't...I don't want you to...Oh, God..."

"Bella, calm down," he sighed, afraid she was going to break down again on the sidewalk. "Let's just get to the park and we'll sit down and talk. Allison's sleeping anyway."

She didn't exactly agree but she started walking again, her eyes cast down to the ground. Diesel was held by Bella's other hand and his tail was wagging like crazy as they made there way through the park gates. They found a tree to provide shade and parked the stroller before helping Bella down onto the bench. He knew she was still pretty sore. After Diesel calmed down and laid down beside Bella's feet, Edward said what he needed to.

"I love you but I'm really unsure of things right now. I'm not going to lie to you, Bella, I'm really, really worried about you. These past few days have been absolute hell. I knew when Allison came along that we'd be a little more stressed but this is just not normal. I'm trying so hard to make you feel comfortable and secure and..."

"I don't know how to defend myself," Bella whispered.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just telling you how I feel. You don't have to get defensive with me. If you have nothing at all to say, then fine. If you do, then say it. I don't want to watch you self-destruct, though. I don't know why you are having so much trouble all of the sudden and it's enough to make me crazy."

"I don't know, Edward," Bella muttered with a bit of an edge to her voice.

"Look, I love you. That's not going to change anything. I still want to get married. I'm just saying that I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed. I need you right now, Bella. I don't know how to raise a child..."

"I want to try to take her to the doctor's office. I want to go with you. She's my baby. I don't want to be away from her. Ever. She's only a couple days old..."

Edward listened to the tone of her voice, the way she seemed to be trying to convince him, like he wouldn't let her go. He realized with bile rising in his throat that he may have treated her a little harshly when she wanted to go the day after she had Allison. In fact, he knew he had._ I'm the fucking reason she lost it this time. I did this._

"Bella, if you want to go then you can go. God, Bella, I never meant to make you feel like I just didn't want you to. I only said what I did because I was afraid that it would upset you to go..."

"Well, it hurt. I'll never know if I can do these things unless you let me try. I can sit here and think about it and psyche myself out but I still won't know if I can actually do it until I try."

"Then we'll go. I'd like to take her tomorrow since I'm supposed to go back to work on Monday but if you're not ready we can wait."

"No. I feel like a horrible person for not taking her the day you were going to."

"She's fine, Bella."

"I need to hear it from the pediatrician. Something being wrong with her scares me more than facing a doctor. I can't quit thinking about something being wrong."

Silence fell between them as they people watched for a few minutes. Taking a deep breath, Edward decided to just ask what he'd been wondering for days. "Why were you thinking about...ending...things...again? Why, Bella? Was it me? Was it because I hurt your feelings?"

"I guess that was a part of it but...no. That's not true. You didn't do this. I'm so sorry."

"Bells, please don't leave me. I need you. I really, really need you and I never meant to hurt you."

"I just couldn't quit feeling like after everything that happened to me, that I was just not...good enough for her...or for you."

"What are you talking about?" _She's really lost it this time..._

"Think about it. Think about how I've been these past few days. I don't want her to have a mother who's afraid of her own shadow. Then there's the guilt I feel over things with you." She said this last part quietly and he frowned.

"What do you have to feel guilty for?"

"My past," Bella said slowly, obviously feeling ashamed.

"What do you mean? Like you feel bad for being so upset lately?" _Surely it can't be what she's making it sound like. It wasn't her fault..._

"Edward, I couldn't even give you a number of how many men I've slept with."

"Bella..." Edward was sick of hearing this.

"I just think that you should maybe be with someone who can be a better wife to you. You should be with someone who isn't so...used."

He was officially mad. "I don't know what to even say to that. I'm not a child, Bella. I was committed to you before I knew you were pregnant and Allison is the only tie I have to you except for the fact that I love you. Don't doubt me or make me feel like I can't make my own decisions. I don't want to be with someone else. My entire life right now is about you and I will do anything to keep you with me. So, go ahead, cut yourself down while I fight with you not to. Don't you dare tell me that I should be with someone else. I will never be happy with someone else."

"Do you hate me now?"

"No," he sighed for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. "Bella, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," she frowned, picking at the paint on the bench. "I don't want you to make a mistake."

"You're many things, Bells, but you sure as hell are not a mistake." He leaned into her and kissed her cheek and then nuzzled into her neck. "Don't leave me to do this alone, baby. I can't even think about not having you here. There are so many people who love you."

"I'm going to try harder, like I was before. I just get like this sometimes but it's been a long time since it's happened last."

"As long as you try, that's all that matters to me."

"Uh-oh," Bella muttered and he pushed himself so that he was sitting upright again.

"What?"

"I hope she wakes up soon..." Bella blushed, covering her chest with her arms.

"Do you need to go home?"

"I guess we should but I don't want to," Bella sighed, tearing up a little.

"Well, let's go home and relax for a little while, maybe visit with my mom, I'll call the doctor and make an appointment for tomorrow, and then we can maybe come back after dinner."

Helping Bella off the bench, he kissed her before heading over to get the stroller. "What does your mom think of me? Your whole family probably thinks I'm a joke. How can Esme possibly think I'm good for you?"

"My mom is just happy to have you in our lives, Bells. She's worried about you, though. We all are."

"I don't want to be this way anymore."

"I know. Let's get you two home. Look at her," he laughed, seeing his daughter making little fists and pushing her tummy out. Diesel trotted along as Bella laughed and the sound was like magic. There were good sounds, too. Amazing ones that make the bad ones worth it. Edward smiled, finally feeling more content than he'd been in a while. "I think someone's going to need changed before she eats..."


	41. Chapter 41

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;)**

****This particular chapter was not beta'd due to my poor beta who is struggling with a sick baby. I'm only telling you this because all of my mistakes are my mistakes alone! I also have to give her a thank-you shout out to her for all her baby help when it came to these chapters involving Allison. It would have been very, very difficult to do this without her!**

**Chapter 41**

**No 'Right Way'**

Stepping into the house, Edward watched as his mother stopped cold and stared as their little family walked through the front door. Once Allison, who was now crying and obviously needed changed, was out of her carrier, Esme began walking over to them. "Bella?" she asked, as if her eyes were lying to her.

Bella stepped back, holding her daughter to her for a moment before giving Esme a small smile and allowing the woman to come towards and hug her again. "Hi."

"Sweetie, how are you feeling? I think we should have Renee and Charlie over for dinner. What do you say?"

Edward swallowed hard, Bella very easily could tell her no and go back upstairs, never to come back down for a few more days. Bella seemed to weigh the idea. "I have to go change Allison," was all she responded with, turning and heading up the stairs with Diesel at her heels.

Esme turned to Edward with a questioning look and he just cocked his head and gave her a little glare. "Don't push her."

"Okay," Esme said, raising her hands up as if to say she surrendered. "Alright. She's okay, though?"

"Yeah," Edward smiled again. "She's going to be fine. You know I wouldn't let anything else happen."

"Come on, you can taste test the cookies I made. We need to talk."

Looking up to the ceiling, Edward wondered when all the problems would stop. Leaning against the counter, he popped a cookie into his mouth and reveled in the warm goodness. "I have two things to tell you," his mom began, back to her no-nonsense self. "Your father is off the hook. He found out this morning that they are dropping the case."

"Why would they do that?" Edward asked, then seeing the look his mom was giving him he added, "Not that I'm not happy that dad's home free but why would they call off a murder case?"

"Well, your father and I talked about this, wondering what the catch was. We think we know why. This man your father killed was caught up in something a lot worse than drugs, as you know. We think money played a factor in them letting the case go. It wasn't about your father, it was about them trying to cover up whatever it is they're doing."

"You know what they're doing, right?" Edward asked, pissed off and having trouble believing this could be true. "Girls. Trafficking girls."

"I know. I didn't want to come out and say it. I know it upsets you."

"It's a bunch of bullshit! Okay, I don't condone prostitution but those women, well at least some of them, are willing to do it without being forced. Why the fuck should young girls be taken away from their families so these shit heads get paid? Who would knowingly buy these girls?"

"Edward..." his mom began, trying to get him to calm down.

"Don't. We both know it's more than just wrong. It's sick what these bastards do to these girls. You see how it affected Bella. Why would the police cover this up? They have to know!"

"Edward, stop..." she hissed, her eyes darting behind him. Bella was standing there with their daughter, her head held high like she was upset with him but trying not to show it.

He frowned, immediately feeling like an asshole. "My dad's been let go."

Bella just nodded and handed their daughter to Esme, who was bouncing on her toes to get to hold her. "That's great."

"We think they paid off the police. It doesn't make sense that they'd let him off. There was too much against him but Laurent's men have a lot to hide."

"The girls," Bella stated it as a fact.

"Yeah," Edward muttered, becoming mad again. "You know, we should fucking call and report our suspicions to the police..."

"No!" Bella cried, shaking her head with conviction.

"Bella, we could help these girls. The police were looking for a murderer, not investigating the person who _was_ murdered..."

"Stop. Stop talking about it," Bella said, shaking now as she made her way over to him. Putting her hands on his face, she grit her teeth and shook her head again. "Let this go. Now. Just forget it."

"Why? How can you not want to try to help them?"

"They'll kill you! You don't understand. This isn't petty crime. This isn't stealing or speeding. They will do anything to protect their business and they will kill anyone who tries to get in their way. They'll punish the girls. It's the first thing they do. They accuse the girls of talking to one of the men who purchase them or they assume someone didn't keep their customer happy and that person reported them. The girls get hell first. I've seen it happen before."

"So we just let it go on?"

"Edward, please, you can not mess with these men. You can't. The fact that you're Carlisle's son will put a huge target on you. In fact, I'm shocked they haven't come after Carlisle. If no one had any clue about your names or if Carlisle was never brought to the forefront, I'd say to maybe try it anonymously. Edward, I'm telling you, you don't want to fight these men. They will _kill _you."

Bella's hands were shaking and her breathing was shallow. Esme had tears in her eyes as she held tightly to Allison and watched them. Edward was just in complete shock over her reaction. He thought for sure she'd want to help the other girls. Then again, he had to remind himself that she was put through enough to know what should and shouldn't happen. While he was naive, she was the opposite. She was hardened to it. Survival was her only hope, not trying to help the other girls and certainly not trying to stop the men who did this to her. She was not a vigilante, she was a victim. Edward understood that she wasn't out to be the next crime fighter, she was just trying to cope now that it was over in her life.

Pulling her into his chest, he apologized and kissed her forehead. "Mom, what else did you have to say?"

"Oh, um, I'll fill you in later. It's not important..."

He wanted to push the subject a little more but Bella was upset, his mom was obviously dodging his question and his cell phone was going off somewhere in the house. No, actually, that was Bella's phone. "Are you going to answer it?" he asked his girl, looking down at her.

From the wide-eyed, frazzled look and the fact that she was still clinging to him, he knew that that neither of them would be answering the phone anytime soon unless he could distract her. "Bella, you should try a cookie. Um, did you even eat breakfast...or lunch?"

Edward felt Bella go slack in his arms and noticed she was staring at the floor again. "Mom, why don't you get her to eat something small before dinner and I'm going to go see who was calling. I'll be right back."

He was trying to stay calm and do what he needed to do for his family. Upsetting Bella was something he was going to great lengths to avoid but he knew he was going to have to talk to her about the eating situation. She was breastfeeding and he caught himself rolling his eyes at how ridiculous thing could be with her sometimes. He grabbed the phone off the coffee table and saw that she had a missed call from Helene. Hitting send, he put the phone to his ear and listened to it start to ring.

"Bella..."

"No, it's me. Bella's...busy. What's going on?"

"I wanted to know if it was okay that I come over. I really need to discuss some things with you guys..."

Edward didn't respond right away. Looking into the kitchen, he watched Bella feeding the baby with a little blanket draped over her for modesty reasons. Esme was setting a bowl of cereal and some milk in front of them. Today had given him hope that things might become okay with her again. For the first time, his faith was a little shaken when it came to the therapist who had become a close friend. "I don't know, Helene..."

""What's going on, Edward?"

"She went for a walk with me to the park today. It was great. I just...I don't want to upset her so quickly already. I just want a few days to be a new family and enjoy it. Is that too much to ask?"

"How do you know that what I have to talk about is bad?" He could almost see her smirking through the phone.

"I don't know. I'm sorry. If you want to come over you can. Bella's just feeding Allison now so the baby will probably be napping when you get here. My mom's here so I hope that's okay."

"Yes. Absolutely. I'll be over in a few minutes."

Hanging up, Edward hung his head and shook it. Something told him that this wouldn't be just a friendly visit and their good day was about to turn interesting. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen with a thousand thoughts going through his head. The one at he forefront was whether or not Bella would ever pull through her past.

Bella rocked her daughter back and forth as she sat in the kitchen chair and was completely ashamed of herself. Eating is something she had to do to keep her daughter healthy. Her nutrition was her daughter's nutrition. Just simply not eating was not helping either one of them. Edward was standing in the doorway, watching her with a strange expression but not saying anything. "Who was on the phone," Bella asked quietly as to not wake her now sleeping daughter. Bella knew she'd be up off and on for a while, though. There was no way the baby was already full.

"Helene's on her way over. She wants to talk to us," his voice sounded strained.

Looking down at her empty cereal bowl she just nodded and felt her daughter wake up and latch back on. By the time the girl was back to sleep, there was a knock on the door and Edward left to let Helene in. When Bella saw the woman, her first thought was that she had something exciting to say. Her second thought was that she was almost too nervous to say it. "Helene?" Bella asked expectantly.

"Bella, I heard you went to the park today."

"I did. It was nice."

"Well, I was at the hospital talking to some of my friends in crisis about your situation and I found something out. Well, first, I want to put out there that I don't think what's effecting you is so much postpartum, I think it's something else. I told my friends about it and they all agree across the board that you're taking care of the baby just fine, from what I've told them, and you were already prone to these attacks before Allison was even conceived. I'll still keep a very close eye on you but I don't think that's what we're contending with here."

"Well, that's good then, right?" Edward asked optimistically.

"Yes. It is," Helene smiled.

"Well, thanks for stopping..." Bella began but Helene interrupted her.

"Um, there's something else I wanted to mention. Just mention. I'm not recommending anything..." Bella knew there was a catch. All good news comes with bad news. She'd learned that long ago. "A friend of mine is actually working with a nonprofit organization to help girls and boys who are victims of human trafficking. They kind of take these people in and give them shelter, food, and basic needs while they get used to normal life."

"That's great," Bella said, wishing she could sound more happy. The thought of even meeting someone else with this problem made her nauseous. She wanted to pretend it wasn't happening anymore. It was too dangerous to get involved with rescue efforts. That organization must be crazy.

"Well, I was hoping that maybe, Bella, you'd consider just talking with them..."

Edward surprised her by answering with a stern and convicted, "No. Thank you for supporting that cause but we'll stay out of it. At least for now..."

"Edward," Bella began," at least hear what she has to say."

"I'm not asking you to help other victims or anything like that but there is a specialist that can better help you with your phobias and things than I can. In return, you'd be helping them because you're giving them more insight into what they're trying to combat."

"Helene, I don't think..." Edward put in again only to have Bella interrupt a second time.

"It's a church group?"

"Yeah. It's a missionary thing. Some of the women...and men...who are victims of this do reach out for help. They also go to high schools and colleges to try to spread awareness. They have fundraisers and things to raise money to fund their efforts. One of the church members even recently donated the money to open a little safe house for them a few miles outside of town here. I thought you'd benefit from just talking with them. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm not trying to upset either of you."

"It's not me I'm worried about," he mumbled. Bella frowned, wondering if maybe this was upsetting him even more than it was her.

"Helene," she relented, looking over at the lady who she had come to trust. "Let me think about it. This isn't a no but I need to figure out if this is right for me. I also already know that I don't want to talk to all of them at one time. Maybe only one person and I'd prefer if that person isn't...a man."

"Okay. Well, you just call or let me know next time I'm here on a visit. They'll understand where you're coming from, Bella. They know this isn't something that is every easy. Edward, why don't you walk me out?"

Edward followed Helene to the porch and she did what he suspected she would. She turned and leaned against the railing. "I'm wondering if maybe you should see someone as well."

"I don't need someone, Helene. I just need her better."

"How is she? She went outside for a walk... That's great."

"It is. We talked a little about things. She has this crazy idea that she's not...good enough for me. I've never even acted that way with her. I think she's amazing and...God...I don't understand how she could feel like that. I mean, is it something I said or something that I should be doing...or something I'm not saying to her..."

"Edward, Bella thinks about things differently than we do. In her mind, and it's normal in cases like hers, she places blame on herself sometimes that shouldn't be there and feels she's unworthy. That's what those people wanted her to believe. They made sure she submitted to them and they used mental abuse to do it. I'm sure she was told these things over and over and I don't care how smart you are, honey. I'm sure you've heard this line a million times but it's true. Someone can only be told something so many times before they start to believe it."

"It's not fucking fair," he breathed, running his hands through his hair and he was fully aware that tears were threatening to fall.

"What isn't?" the counselor asked. He shook his head, regretting that he was breaking down like this in front of the woman who was supposed to be there to help Bella. "Come on, Edward. She can't be the only one dealing with this when there are two of you in the relationship. Talk to me."

"You know, I do talk to people. I talk to my mom and my brother..."

"Bella told me about your sister. Wasn't the baby named after her?"

Edward felt like he'd been slapped. "No. Her name was Alice. Well, Mary Alice...wait...why would Bella tell you about Alice?"

"She's grieving for her, too. Besides, _your_ Bella worries a lot more about _you_ than I think you realize."

"She shouldn't worry about me. It's herself that she needs to focus on..."

"How are you handling things with Allison?"

"I don't know what I'm doing all the time like Bella seems to know but things are good. I'm learning pretty quick. I just wish that...like I said it's just not fair..."

"Breathe. Tell me what's bothering you. That's the second time you've said something isn't fair."

Taking a deep breath like she recommended, he replied. "It's just not fucking fair that when we first met she had more of a handle on things but now that we're actually settled down and starting a family...even after everything I do to make sure she's safe and that she knows she's safe...this shit is still coming back to hurt her. Helene, why the fuck should she have to struggle with this for the rest of her life? Why can't I fix this?"

Helene was actually tearing up a little now too and Edward was beyond trying to stop his own tears. "This isn't yours to fix. Think about it this way. Allison screams when you change her diaper-I know because I've heard it. Still, you change it."

"I'm not going to let her sit in it all day...she'd get sick..." Edward replied, confused as to whether or not he should be defending himself.

"Well, Bella has these little obstacles to overcome and she might sometimes get frustrated and want to quit. Still, does that mean you quit worrying about her and trying to help her in the best way you can? No, of course not. You still make sure she's in a safe environment, that she's eating, that she's not missing out on her daughter's first few days, that she has clean clothes even when she's too depressed to get out of bed...you do all of that. You do it because you love her. No one here is stupid. No one here, Bella included, blames you for any of this nor do they expect more out of you. You've 'fixed', if that's what you want to call it, a lot in her life. I've heard stories of when you first met her and how she was living. That's not okay, Edward.

"She's admitting now, after living like that-in a constant state of denial-that she does have a problem and that she needs help. I know it seems like she's worse but she truly is doing better. You've done everything you can and I know you will continue to do everything you can to make her better. You need to remember something, though. She_ is_ a little broke. It's going to take a lot to put her back together. It is not something that anyone of us can do and it's not something that can be done in a day. This is the most energetic and happy I've seen her in days and once this is past us completely, she'll be back to her semi-scared self. I just don't want you to expect her to be better. 'Better' is something she may never be. Ever. The sooner you accept that you can't move mountains, the sooner you'll be able to help her pull through even more than she already has been. It's also not a one man job."

"What do I do now, Helene?"

"You let her pick her own path in how she deals with it. There is no 'right way' to this. Every victim is different. If you push her into thinking she's doing something wrong because it's not what you think she should do, it's going to make her feel worse about herself. Encourage her. Don't tell her what she can't do, tell her what she can try to do or just simply help her move forward with whatever path she chooses. I know you'll enforce certain things when it comes to Allison or when it comes to Bella's well-being, but as far as healing goes, just have faith in her."

**Things are getting better! Woot! I have a few announcements to make. I've started back up with Twitter and have been posting updates and info for my stories...including this one and others. Follow me on there: letzigprincess (remove spaces) Some of you may already have discovered The Moment of Truth in Your Lies-there is drama in it with lots more to come including protective-ward. If you haven't, you should check it out! lol It's on my profile and has been given the status of complete BUT that will change very soon. Due to the warm welcome my former contest piece has received, I've chosen to turn it into a three-shot. The chapters are going to be about twenty typed pages-so the three chapters that will make up this new story are almost three times longer than these ones and I know some of you enjoy longer chapters!**

**ALSO, I've recently entered the Show Me Your Patriotism contest! Voting is now open and you should really check out some of the stories. I can't tell you which is mine but I'm allowed to pimp the contest so please, please check it out. Just the profile picture might make some of you happy! (wink, wink) Find it u/3982269/SMYPContest **

**I hope to hear from you, so please read and review! Lots of love, Letzy xx **


	42. Chapter 42

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) Thanks for the nursing info-I freaking love having you and our tiny mascot, Aiden, with me on this crazy journey!**

****Rated M. Take the hint-what you do with that hint is up to you ;)**

**Chapter 42**

**Was it the Sauce?**

When Edward went back into the house, Bella was just coming down the stairs. This was good. She was still in jeans and a t-shirt and looked like she wasn't about to go hide in bed for the rest of the evening. "She's sleeping."

Edward smiled, "That's good."

"So, um, I talked to the doctor and made an appointment for one o'clock tomorrow afternoon."

"You called him?"

"Yeah."

Edward's heart was beating much harder than was necessary for this particular situation. "Okay," he smiled again, slightly proud.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, blushing a little and twisting her hands together.

"I'm just proud of you."

She didn't say anything, just nodded and gave a shy smile. She wasn't the best at accepting compliments. Then, she turned and walked into the kitchen, leaving him staring after her and wondering when the last time they really just spent time together. Every time he'd go upstairs to go to bed, she'd already be sound asleep. He missed just being with her.

Thinking that maybe they could sit down and talk for a while again or maybe watch some television, which she was never a big fan of, he headed into the kitchen. Both Esme and Bella were standing in front of the stove, each stirring something in a pot, and he instinctively went over to see if Bella needed help considering his mom wasn't watching her very closely. His girl had a habit of burning things when she tried to cook. It was just one of those skills she'd simply never gotten to hone.

"Edward, can you grab the garlic bread from the freezer and get it onto a baking pan?" Esme asked, hand rolling meatballs.

"Um...yeah," he muttered, seeing that Bella was just stirring sauce and seemed to be fine. He wanted to remind his mother that she should watch her a little closer but didn't want to hurt Bella's feelings.

A strange numbness from the pain of the past few days took him over. If anyone would walk into their kitchen, they'd think the three of them were just a regular family preparing a nice meal together. They wouldn't see a mother and son who looked ragged and worried about the girl upstairs unable to get out of bed. He made quick work of the garlic bread and then strained the noodles so he could help Bella pour the sauce into the pot with them. He was fully aware of all of her movements during this time, like it had become second nature to constantly watch her in case she needed his help.

When it came time to cut up veggies for a salad, all three sat at the table and did so. They talked and even joked a little about Allison. Nothing bad was brought up; nothing that would have the slightest connection to Bella's past. Soon after, they sat back down to eat. As everyone dug in, Diesel decided he wanted to share in the meal and their very well-trained police dog turned into a whining, yipping beggar. When the big dog got frustrated that everyone tried to ignore him, he let out a huge sigh, stretched out his front legs and plopped himself down hard on the floor. It was so hard that it caused the cabinet doors to shake a little.

Bella actually let out a deep laugh. Not just a small chuckle or even a small, self-conscious smile, she actually _laughed_. He tried desperately to control his tears. He was a man. There was absolutely no reason for him to get emotional like this. Not wanting to ruin the moment for Bella or his mom, he stood quickly and left his food uneaten as he went into the next room. The laughter ebbed and he soon heard footsteps coming for the bathroom, where he was currently sitting on the closed toilet and crying like a baby.

"Edward?" Bella called in quietly, as if she was afraid.

"Bells, I'll be out in a minute. Go finish dinner." Even the idea of her chowing down the way she was before the dog decided to put his two cents in made him ridiculously happy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her eat like that.

"Are you sick? Crap. Was it the sauce? I'm not good at this..."

"No, baby. I'm fine."

She didn't say anything else but must have left because there were no more questions. When he managed to man up and return, he found them sitting there, chatting quietly. Esme was promising to teach Bella to cook if she'd like to learn and Bella was agreeing to it. While Esme kept eating, Bella seemed to be done, sitting in front of her plate that still had more clean spots than dirty ones. Still, what she had eaten was probably plenty for someone who was infamous for skipping meals and having just eaten a bowl of cereal a little bit earlier. It was at least a step in the right direction. He'd never met someone who had such a hard time remembering to eat.

Both women became quiet as he walked over to where Bella was seated and crouched down beside her. Kissing her cheek, he then nuzzled into her neck and Bella turned towards him in surprise. The second her arms were around his shoulders, he felt faint. It felt so good to feel her this way. Esme cleared her throat and he flushed at the fact that his mother was right across the table from them. "I'm going to just go take Diesel for a walk. I'll stop at Renee and Charlie's. You two just relax and enjoy your evening. Bella, we'll start those lessons first thing tomorrow."

Esme had to practically drag the dog out the door but when they were both gone, he put his arms around her and lifted her off the chair. Careful not to put pressure on any of her lower areas, he wasn't sure how sore she still was, he carried her to the living room and set her down on his lap as he sat on the couch. "What's wrong?" she whispered, playing with his hair.

"Nothing. I love you."

"I love you, too," she smiled in amusement.

"Do you have any idea how good it feels for me to see you like this? To see you going for a walk with us, cooking dinner with my mom, eating a decent-sized meal, and just laughing? I've been so scared that Helene was right before, that maybe we should have you somewhere else, in a controlled place where you could be watched..."

She froze at that, her eyes going wide. He shook his head quickly. "Relax, I wouldn't let them do that to you. Still, when you locked yourself away like that, it scared me that maybe I was doing a wrong and very selfish thing by keeping you here. I guess today just showed me that you are supposed to be here with me."

"I hate hurting you," Bella whispered, sadness clearly on her face.

Silence fell between them as he pulled her closer to him. He was going to let it go at that, figuring there wasn't much to say, but then he thought about her thinking he'd be better off with someone else. Grasping for a way to reassure her, he nuzzled her neck again and whispered into her ear, "When you are loving me, though, it makes up for any pain you or anyone else has ever put me through." She froze, tears coming to her now as he began to cry despite the smile that had spread across her face.

Bella couldn't help but feel happy. Since they'd gotten up from the couch to go do the dishes and clean up from dinner-an annoying little issue that had to be dealt with-all Edward had done was smile. She found herself unable to not mirror him and her heart was beating hard. She felt excited, full of life. Hopeful. They joked about little things and she playfully swatted him with a kitchen towel before hanging it up to dry. For the first time in a long time, she wormed her way into his arms and initiated a kiss. When they pulled away from each other, she immediately began to frown. "Oh my, God..."

"What? What's wrong?" he was asked, a little breathless and distracted.

"I, um, it's not time...for Allison...she shouldn't be hungry yet and I...I'm leaking..." Bella had read somewhere, in one of her baby books, that sometimes this could happen when a woman was excited..._that _way. She prayed Edward wouldn't know about that. It was a little humiliating.

"Do you want to pump?" he asked, regaining his composure.

"I...I don't know."

"Come on, let's go get it and I'll try to help you..."

She nodded and they headed upstairs. The box with the pump in it was in the nursery and Edward snuck in quietly without waking up Allison. He was back in their bedroom and opening the box within a minute and Bella was slightly freaking out over the situation. _Should he be watching me do this? He's __watched me feed her before but this is...this is different..._

"Okay," he said, pulling out the offending object and sliding it over to her before pulling out the instructions.

"Edward, I can do it..." she blurted, her face now completely red. The wetness was now filling up the pad. She wanted to cry.

It was his turn to seem flustered. "I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'll just...go watch some TV or something..."

She felt bad for sending him away but she couldn't help it. It was a little much to handle for her, having her lover watch her do something like this. As soon as he was gone, though, she got the pump and herself ready and quickly read through the directions. Edward knocked on the door, holding a clean bottle out to her. Her face completely red now, she snatched it out of his hand and he took that as a sign to leave. Once it began to work, it was a strange sensation. By the time she was finished there was almost a full eight-ounce bottle. With the milk in hand, she headed downstairs.

Edward was sitting on the couch waiting for her. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded holding up the milk for him to see.

"Are you okay?" She just nodded again and headed for the kitchen.

With the milk crisis cared for and a clean bra and pads, she joined him on the couch and apologized. "It's not something to be sorry about. It's natural."

"It's just embarrassing."

"Well, I don't mind it. Do you want to watch some TV?"

She shook her head, which didn't seem to surprise him. "I want to go upstairs and...cuddle."

"Cuddle?" he smirked.

"Yeah."

So, they did. As soon as they were in bed, he followed her example by taking his own jeans and t-shirt off. She left her bra on and her panties, so his boxers stayed on as well. He pulled her hair from the pony-tail it was in and ran his hand through it. She started to kiss him again and it felt wonderful. There had even been two nights within the past week that he hadn't even come to bed at night, having fallen asleep on the couch. With the nightmares back in full force, and him not even able to wake her some of those times when he tried, it seemed he began to give up on the idea that his being near her helped. This, though, was something she had been craving.

The idea of having to go to him and request it had seemed too much for her. If he was beginning to realize that she was very much ruined, it wasn't fair to ask him to be there in bed with her. Now, though, she began to wonder again if she really was insane. Then again, maybe he was just a man and that excitement in his boxers was more about just needing a release.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"You. How..." she stopped herself. He got mad when she said stuff like that out loud. She couldn't bring herself to ruin the moment. She decided to bend what she was thinking a little. "How you still want me, even though I have all these damn stretch marks and have put on weight..."

"Holy hell, Bella," he breathed, definitely a little annoyed. "How many times are we going to have this conversation? You are beautiful. In fact, you need to gain a little weight but you definitely don't need to lose it...I mean, that's not what I mean. I just want you to eat when you're supposed to..."

It was obvious that he thought he hurt her feeling but she just shrugged. "What about the stretch marks?"

"Not a big deal to me. At all," he said with an air of relaxation.

"I was never allowed to have marks on my body that would be permanent...or wouldn't go away after a couple nights."

"Well, that was then. You're here with me now." His voice was a little strained, definitely not laid back anymore. His eyes softened a little after a while though and he took a deep breath. "In fact, I think that not every man, myself included, wants someone who is skin and bones and terrified. I can't understand how anyone of those bastards that you came in contact with could do what they did. I mean, how could someone willingly pay for girls such as yourself let alone actually sell them to be paid for? You were so young..."

"There were younger," Bella whispered.

"I figured," he frowned.

"I remember one night one of the girls got pregnant. It's rare but it happened and she was...she was forced to...get rid of it. At first, after the crying from the pain stopped, I thought she was sad that she lost her baby. She wasn't, though. She was thankful that her baby wouldn't be born into what we went through. It was better that way. I would have done the same...even though Grandmother Swan would have hated me for it. I wouldn't have allowed my child to be born into that. Some of those girls were so little..."

She was crying again now but the small sobs were manageable and Edward didn't become upset with her, he just listened. "There was one little girl who was only about ten or eleven. I tried to help her, to make her understand what life was like on a daily basis for us. There was a room they put us in that was more like a small cage but it was made of cement and I could only sit in it. There wasn't room to stand but if you got a complaint made about you by a customer, you were put in there until they could come up with a punishment for you. I tried to help her but telling her what she should and shouldn't do. No one had been there to do that for me...and I found out why. I was put in that room just because they found out I was telling her these things. I was in there for two days but the punishment was worse once I was out. I never tried to help anyone again."

She had been looking over Edward's shoulder while she spoke, unable to meet his gaze but when she did manage it, she saw that his face wasn't full of pity. She wouldn't have been able to handle that. It was just a calm, controlled expression with the attitude of someone just listening to a story...or a lecture. She had no idea what he thought of her telling him this. "I'm sorry if this upsets you. I just...I've never told anyone that before. I've never really told anyone about any of it. Even with Liz and Helene I mainly talked about the after. The dreams help me remember, even though I don't want to. Maybe it's trying to tell me that I can't only focus on the after. Maybe I have to focus on the before first."

"Baby, I want you to know something," he said after a while. "I'm sorry for getting so upset with you when you tried to talk to me about all this before. That was wrong of me. Still, what you are saying to me now and what you were saying before are different. You are telling your story to me, not degrading yourself. It's hard to hear your story but it's not fair for me to have to sit there and listen to you say about how 'used' you are or how you can't give me a number on how many men you're been with. I don't care how many men there were before me. I mean, yeah, it's hard to think about but I know it wasn't your choice. I also know that the only important thing now is that there won't be any more after me."

She had to smile at that, despite the difficult subject they were discussing. It felt so, so good to hear it. No matter how much, deep down, she already knew it.

"I wish that I had been able to get to you before I did. I wish it was as simple as me bumping into you somewhere and taking you away from them for good but it didn't work that way and for some reason I...I feel _guilt_ over that."

"Oh, Edward, that's not your fault..." she cringed.

"I know in reality that it isn't but sometimes the thought catches me. Bella, this is how I feel about your involvement with it too, though. _Neither _of us should bear the responsibility. Neither of us had a choice."

"What about the strip club?" Bella asked cautiously, truly wanting his opinion. It had been something she'd been trying to come to terms with herself lately: whether or not she was guilty for working there willingly.

"Well, I know you didn't do it because you were forced but I also know you didn't do it because you wanted...whatever...with the customers there. I think, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, that it was what you were used to. I think that you felt it was something that you were good at and felt you didn't have other options. It doesn't make you a bad person."

"The way I came on to you when I was there was wrong, Edward. I still wish that we had started our relationship on a purer note. I just...you were the only guy that I had ever been attracted to in that way and I just...I figured you'd want it because the other men wanted it."

Edward tried to hide a smile but failed miserably. "Uh, Bells, I did want it. Badly. In fact, I blame myself for letting it happen. I don't exactly regret it but if I had known about what had happened to you in the past, I wouldn't have done what I did. I feel like I took advantage of you..."

"You didn't know."

"You're right. I didn't. A part of me knew something had happened to you. I never in a million years would have guessed what actually happened, though."

"Well, I definitely don't regret that we hooked up. I also feel bad for being so difficult in those first months that we were together. I had no idea what I was doing."

"Neither of us did. Neither of us do now to be honest with you."

"I know."

He leaned in to kiss her and she returned it, sliding close to him again and feeling her skin against his. He kissed her neck and twirled her hair around his index finger. She felt him holding his hips away from her at an awkward angle and she looked down to find his erection straining out of the whole in his boxers. With his hair mussed up from her fingers and the wonderful view she was receiving of his body, she actually couldn't stop herself from shivering in lust. She wanted him. Reaching up to push her hair out of her face-it just wasn't fair that something as silly as her own hair would block that blessed view-her arm brushed her bra and she froze. No wonder he was holding himself away from her.

"You like what you see?" he asked huskily, leaning towards her to place his mouth on her neck. In a panicked reaction, she pushed him away with her hands and slid off the bed.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice seemed to be grasping for control.

"I, um, I..."

"Baby, talk. What is it? Did I do something? I know you have issues with...sex...sometimes but you've never done this before. Did I hurt you?" His mouth was now working and Bella wished it wouldn't.

"No. I'm fine. I can't do this...right now. For a while.."

"Are you in pain?" he asked, glancing down at her panties. "I mean...I don't completely know how everything works down there but we're not supposed to be having sex..."

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and she shook her head. Quietly, almost in a whisper, she replied, "It didn't work. The pump didn't help."

He stopped reaching for her for a moment and she took him in as he sat there staring at her. If she wasn't so mortified, she'd be even more turned on from the sight. _Why does he have to fucking look like that? _There was a stare down for a while between the two but finally, he sat up on his knees and crawled to the edge of the bed on the side that she was standing. Before she could stop him, he reached out and pulled her into him. She gasped as their bodies pressed together, belly to belly. When his fingers pulled at her bra clasp, she tried to push away again but she was no match for him. He kept her right where he wanted her.

If this had been any other man, she would have fucking screamed...or completely shut down into a full-fledged panic attack. This was the first time that she was with Edward where she didn't feel comfortable with something and he wasn't stopping. Biting down hard on her lip, she reminded herself of just that. This was_ Edward._ He must have read her mind because he held her tighter and put his mouth to her ear. "It's me, Bells. You trust me." Edward spoke like he was trying to talk a suicidal person into wanting to live.

In a totally unattractive way, Bella sniffled loudly but managed to nod her head. Edward leaned back a little, no longer holding her bra up with his body. With her arms down at her sides and nothing to stop it, the cups fell away to reveal red, slightly chafed, wet nipples. Even she flinched a little at the sight. So, when he brought them together again, bare chest to bare chest, she was shocked that he didn't try to wipe her off first. He kept his arms around her, one across her back and one around her waist. His tongue explored her neck and he bit gently on her earlobe. Goosebumps broke out across her skin as she shuddered, shivering no longer strong enough for body's reaction to Edward Cullen.

Just when she thought she was going to lose it right there, a cackling cry came from the baby monitor on the dresser and she groaned, pulling away. This time he let her go, knowing their daughter had to come first. She gasped when she saw the milk that was currently running down his abs. "You're so fucking sexy, love. Don't think too much about this. It's breast milk not battery acid."

"I love you," she gushed breathlessly, feeling a little shy now that she was standing a few feet away from him, the hard lust fading slowly away, and she was almost completely naked. He pulled her down onto the bed and actually_ licked_ one of her nipples, tasting her. She arched inward then, her chin touching her chest as she let out a deep moan. Stunned, she could only watch him move away and wipe the milk from his belly with his own shirt.

With a slow smile that stayed with his adoring gaze as he worked his way over her whole body with just his eyes, he licked his lips and said, "It's just what I said, baby. So. Fucking. Sexy."

"I want you so bad right now..." she whined.

"Hey," Edward chuckled, "we have our whole lives to lay around in bed together. Besides, you're not ready for...that...yet. Annie said to wait about six weeks. It's just going to end up hurting you."

"I know. I just...I miss it..."

"Well, that makes me feel pretty damn good but I won't hurt you like that. Ever." Bella smiled, knowing he wasn't talking about just sex at that moment. She knew he'd never even consider hurting her the way men had in the past.

She had put her clothes back on and was on her way out the door when she turned to him. "I have an idea. Get dressed and meet me in the nursery.."

Esme and Diesel still weren't back yet when Bella went into the kitchen and plugged in the bottle warmer that sat unused on the kitchen counter. Thankfully, Allison was busy watching the ceiling fan go round and round and wasn't demanding to be fed. She yelled up to Edward that she'd be there in a second and waited impatiently for the bottle to be warm enough.

**In summary we have Bella enjoying life a lot more than she has been lately, a good deal of fluff, healthy communication concerning Bella's past, AND a little kink... I do believe this deserves a review! I'd REALLY like to hear from you on this one and I'll be anxiously awaiting those review alerts :) On a side note, don't you just love promotional weeks like this one for Cosmopolis?! ;)**

**I'm going to be away on vacation from this upcoming Saturday until the Saturday after. Therefore, I'm unable to update next Monday :( I want to try to put up a new chapter of Moment of Truth before I leave, though, so you'll have something to remember me by! Check out the first chapter now, it's on my page! Thanks to all those who voted in the Show Me Your Patriotism Contest! I should hopefully know the results this Wednesday and will let you know how it goes! Spread the word about these two stories...I'll be able to still receive reviews and alerts while in South Carolina...so click that button! **

**I'll also be on Twitter here and there while I'm away (and while I'm home) so please follow me on there Letzigprincess**

**Lots of love, Letzy xx**


	43. Chapter 43

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**This story was pre-read and beta'd by the wonderful X-NessieCullen-X. Special thanks to you, my dear, for making this not so pretty story of mine a little more shiny ;) Thanks for the nursing info-I freaking love having you and our tiny mascot, Aiden, with me on this crazy journey!**

**Chapter 43**

**Have You Been Here Before?**

"Bella, what are you hiding?" Edward asked with a laugh as he saw she obviously had something in her hand that was behind her back. Allison was on her other arm, fussing now. He was sure she was hungry. His daughter was trying to latch onto Bella through her shirt.

"Sit down," Bella smirked.

"Bells, I don't want to bother you two if she's hungry. You sit down..."

"No. I think it's time you get to do this."

"You want me to feed her?" he asked in awe, his jaw dropping.

"If there comes a time when I can't for whatever reason be with her when she needs to eat, someone is going to have to handle it. Besides, I know you've been wanting to."

"Are you sure?"

"Edward, just sit down," Bella sighed.

Once he was seated, Bella handed him Allison, who threw a holy fit trying to stay with Bella. Edward rocked her a little but she wasn't having it. She wanted her mother back. As soon as he had the bottle, he tried to give it to her but she was too frustrated and knew that this was not how feeding time normally went. Balling her little fists, she screamed loudly and kicked her legs. "Bella, this isn't working..."

"Just relax," Bella encouraged, kneeling down beside them carefully. Taking the bottle from him, she touched it to the baby's lips and managed to get a few drops out. He watched as Allison's little tongue pulled around a little and then went in search of more. He took the bottle back and slid the nipple into the baby's mouth completely. She gummed it for awhile, not really understanding but then she was latching onto it and taking long pulls. The sound of a suckling baby was all that could be heard as he rocked them back and forth and watched his little daughter eat.

Bella seemed a little uncomfortable but before he could say anything, she walked out, leaving the two of them alone. Allison would drink and sleep, drink and sleep, every so many minutes. It was almost like it was too much for her to handle at once and it just simply tired her out. When the bottle was empty, he set it on the stand beside him and burped her when she cried. Bella came back in, smiling at them and he handed the baby back off to her mother.

Edward just watched them with a smile on his face. While he loved getting to feed her, it made him happy to watch them together. Bella was crazy if she thought that there was a replacement for her somewhere out there in the world. He knew that he wasn't the only one who felt that way, Allison would definitely put up some serious protest.

The next day would prove difficult but hope-inspiring. They woke up to a crying Allison and after Edward changed her, he showered while Bella fed her upstairs in their bedroom. The shower consisted of praying and hoping that things would go well later. He smiled when he saw her in the kitchen with a cooing Allison and a bowl of cereal. The last twenty four hours had been great. He prayed it would stay that way.

He was just pulling at the carseat that was attached to the stroller in an effort to detach it and buckle it back into the car when Bella called out, "If I can remember to eat, I know you can!"

Rolling his eyes, he walked in and grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard. "Would you like to go grab some lunch before the appointment or will that be a little too much at once?"

"I don't think that a restaurant is a good idea right now," she frowned, biting her lip. Edward wasn't upset, figuring that would be the case. "What about we go for another walk to the park? I can make us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I won't burn those..."

"Speaking of cooking lessons," Edward laughed, "Where is my mom?"

"She left a note saying that she was going somewhere this morning with my mom. Mom took off work today, I guess."

"Maybe we can see if your parents want to join us for dinner. We can tell them about the doctor's appointment and we'll just order pizza or something."

"I don't...I don't want to make plans for after yet. I'm sorry."

"Sweetie, it's fine..."

"I don't really want to talk about going, either. When the time comes, okay, but not now."

_Uh-oh. It begins. _Edward watched her for signs of panic but she just smiled as her daughter made babbling noises from the little swing in the corner. "That's fine with me. It would be nice though to have pizza tonight. I'm craving it."

"Okay. That we can plan for. I like pizza."

Helene knew about the appointment and called around eleven to wish them luck and to say that she wanted to hear how things went. Edward listened as the phone was on speaker while Helene made it sound like she wanted to know about Allison but he suspected she wanted to know more about Bella's experience with it. They talked to her and then got everything ready. Going out with a newborn was a whole new ballgame.

Bella had pumped a bottle's worth for Allison's twelve-thirty feeding so she wouldn't have to worry about having to feed Allison in public. Edward didn't expect Bella to ever be comfortable with that. He didn't mind and didn't think anyone else should either-as long as she kept herself covered. Still, he couldn't see Bella unbuttoning her shirt and feeding their daughter in the middle of the park. It amazed him how shy she could be around strangers after working at the strip club less than year ago.

They had the bottle, diapers, baby powder, extra baby clothes, wipes, a changing pad, a bib, two receiving blankets, and the little travel kit from Rosalie that was given as a gift when they came to visit. That was all just in the diaper bag. Add in the car seat, stroller, and baby...and they had a lot to keep track of already. Then, there was Diesel, sandwiches, water bottles, and a big blanket to remember. The plan was to walk to the park then come back and drop off the dog before driving to the medical center.

While the park was only a short walk from their house and the weather was great for it, they took the diaper bag this time, figuring they should probably have taken it the first time they went there. There were a few more people there than before and Bella pointed out one of the mom's checking out her husband. He'd laughed when she said that a lot of women find men with babies sexy. He just pretended to strike a models pose and then lean over and kiss Allison's head. He'd never get tired of Bella's laughter. He almost hated to silence it with the deep kiss he gave her but he knew the stares he was getting were bothering her.

While on their big blanket, with Allison laying there in her little sun hat, they ate and talked. He told her how Helene was proud of her for pulling herself out of whatever it was that happened at the beginning of the week. It made her feel good to hear that, he could tell by her victorious smile. She just shrugged, though, and admitted that it was how she felt when she first escaped. She was ashamed but she couldn't have stopped it from happening. It just happens from time to time and she just had to learn a new way of dealing with it when it hit. After their food was gone and the sun was starting to get too hot, making them nervous for Allison's sake, they headed home to get ready.

At Bella's request, and his absolute support of, they chose a medical center about a half hour away to attend pediatric's appointments. It wasn't right to expect Bella to go back to the one in Forks. They'd had this doctor picked out before Allison was born when they'd given up on finding a female pediatrician in their area. Bella wasn't too pleased but he knew the guy was trusted and had read amazing reviews about the middle-aged doctor. Bella had been quick to remind him, though, that the man that locked her in the warehouse hadn't been the doctor she had been planning to see.

Upon entering the parking lot, Bella began to bounce her leg anxiously. By the time they had Allison out of the car, she was lifting her out of the car seat and holding her close to her chest. Edward decided to put the seat back in the car and just grabbed the diaper bag. With an arm resting in reassurance around Bella's hip, the three of them went into the brightly-lit building and signed in at the front window where they handed them some paperwork.

While he filled it out, Bella rocked an awake Allison back and forth like it was her mission to do so. For the first time, Edward signed his daughter's name on the forms and it gave him a strange, happy feeling. "I wish I had your last name," Bella whispered, looking over the forms before he turned them in to the lady in the scrubs.

"Soon enough, baby," he smiled proudly.

When the time came for them to go back to see the doctor, that's when things became serious. Bella was holding tightly to Allison and she looked very, very pale. When the nurse took Allison to weigh her, Edward put his arm around her for support. "She looks like she's a healthy weight..." The nurse went on and on about how wonderful Allison was. The baby only whined a little when she touched the cold surface. After doing what nurses do and talking playfully to Allison, she went to hand her to Edward since he was closer. As soon as the nurse was gone, Bella looked to him longingly and he returned his daughter to her mother. They both seemed to relax exponentially.

They had to wait almost fifteen more minutes for the doctor to come in and when he did, Edward stood between Bella and the man in the white coat. They exchanged pleasantries and he slowly stepped to the side little by little. When it was clear that Bella wasn't going to pass out or scream, he stepped behind them and the doctor stepped closer. So far, things were going well.

He asked questions about how the birth itself went, how feeding was going, and just what life was like for them in general now that the baby was there. Bella answered a few of the questions but Edward did most of the talking. When it came time to hand the baby over, Bella had her first slip. Stepping back from him, she breathed in quickly and then looked at him in apology. "I...I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," the doctor chuckled, slightly awkwardly but staying professional. "I just want to listen to her heart and check that she's growing the way she should be. You look familiar...have you been here before?"

Edward flinched, wondering why this man had seen her before. He also realized that it would probably always be that way for him when men asked if they'd met Bella before. He prayed it wasn't because he had been with her. Edward would kill him: just the thought gave him the chills. When Dom, her friend who'd helped her escape had shown up at the club, he _had _nearly killed him. Now, he was trying not to glare at the doctor even as Bella's eyes were sweeping rapidly over the man, like she was trying to register who he was.

Edward took Allison and asked the doctor where he wanted Edward to set her down. The doctor motioned to a spot and Edward laid her down gently. Bella's eyes were now huge and the doctor seemed to be noticing something wasn't right. "Forgive me if I'm wrong," he began, "but are you...the Swan girl? Isabell or something..."

"Isabella. Bella," Bella breathed, nodding her head. "Um, yes. that was me."

The all knew what she was referring to as 'that'. Edward swallowed hard and Allison began to whine. He played with her little fingers as the doctor continued. "I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you before. My wife and I drove over to Forks to join in the search. Bella, this whole state was looking for you."

Bella seemed frozen, a mixed expression on her face. "She's having some issues coming to terms with things," Edward spoke up, snapping the doctor out of his memories.

"Of course. Please, forgive me. It's just wonderful that you made it back safely. I don't know your father very well but I know he's a good man. So, anyway, we have Allison here. Let me get some measurements on her and dad, if you'll take off her onesie for me..."

As soon as the little girl was stripped down to her diaper, she began to scream. "Well, her lungs are definitely well developed," the doctor chuckled. "Do we have a breast milk or a formula baby?"

"Breast milk," Bella spoke up. "She eats about every two and half hours. She's a good baby."

"Good. Any problems with feeding?"

"No."

Edward helped the doctor with Allison's diaper and once she was checked over from head to toe, he began to redress the screaming infant and then pulled her into his arms. "You're okay, angel," he whispered softly. As soon as she was warm and against his chest, she let out a breath and just whimpered before growing quiet.

Then, the doctor asked the question of the year. "How's mommy doing now that baby is here?"

Bella swallowed hard. "I love her," she said, her voice as strong as Edward had heard it in awhile.

The doctor smiled kindly and nodded. "Good. Are you sleeping okay?"

"Edward is wonderful getting up with her. He comes in with her if she needs fed but he lets me sleep. He'll be going to back to work soon. He'll work night shift so I guess we'll see how that goes come Monday."

Edward nodded along with her. This was not the doctor or the help she needed. The doctor wanted to know how she was doing as a mother and Edward was engaged to a fierce woman. Despite her own demons, she'd sale her soul to make sure her daughter was cared for. She had toughed out a few instances where if it wasn't for Allison, he knew she would have broken down. Instead, though, she pushed through it. She broke down after feeding and rocking her daughter to sleep but she had made sure Allison's needs were cared for first. That scored her major mom points in Edward's book.

After a few more questions and small talk, Allison was handed back to Bella and they all walked into the hallway. The doctor had told them that as long as there was not too much nipple confusion between the bottle and the breast, it was safe for Bella to pump, especially if mom and baby ever had to be separated and a bottle needed to be ready. The doctor said he'd rather see Allison have pumped milk from a bottle than formula. He also gave them a few tips for feeding and a few things to look out for.

Bella was even laughing a little when the secretary was giving them their receipt for the appointment-Edward's insurance hadn't kicked in yet so the appointment came out of pocket. He held onto them again as they headed to the car and Bella had a little bounce in her step. As soon as Allison was strapped in, Bella turned to him and began to cry. He would have been worried were it not for the huge smile on her face. He didn't need to say anything but he thought of what Helene said about encouragement. "You did it, baby. Doesn't it feel good to know she's healthy and that you are able to do this?" Relief ran through him at this thought. In two nights, he would be leaving them both. Now, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would be okay.

Bella was still smiling when she looked over to Edward. "Let's go pick up that pizza."

"We should get extra. I'm starving and my mom will probably be there."

Bella became quiet, looking out the window, and losing her smile. "Yeah."

"Hey, look at me. Where's happy Bella?" he asked, taking her hand. When she gave him a small smile but then turned away again, she heard him sigh. "Look, I know she can be overbearing but she'll be going home tomorrow night."

"I don't want her to _leave_. It's good that you had her this week when I was a mess. Still, I feel like she doesn't like me. I feel like she thinks I'm not good enough."

Edward was quiet for a moment and then squeezed her hand. "That one night that you lost it, after Allison was born and when Rose and Em were still here,_ I_ lost it a little. I wasn't going to leave but I was...pretty devastated. You were doing so well and you were so good during the birth. It was like a new start...and my family was here...and then..."

"I lost it."

"Yeah. It was like five steps forward and fifteen steps backward. I'd never seen you that bad, not even that night back in the city when I found you in the elevator. Bella, I had to fight my mom when she wanted me to take you to a hospital and she was the one to suggest getting you into a bath. Em and Rose were over at your parent's house with my mom when everything happened. Your mom wasn't home, which you already know, but Rose came back here with my mom to watch Allison. My mom helped me take care of you. I was crying like a baby and she was the one who got you to come to. It wasn't about me or Allison, she was there for _you_, Bella"

"Still, if Allison was with someone as emotionally f-messed up as me," Bella had to remember to kick the f-word out of her system before Allison became old enough to repeat it, "would you think he was good enough for her?"

"No. No one will ever be good enough for Allison." Bella gave him a wry smile and then shook her head. "I suppose, though, that if she loved him and was happy to be with him, despite the ups and downs, then I'd do my best to like the guy. Bella, if my mom didn't like you, you'd know."

"How?" she was slightly frustrated. "I heard the doubt in her voice when she asked you if I could handle my own daughter, Edward."

"She's Esme Cullen, Bells. She's just as fierce as a mother as you are. She's a tough club owner's wife who is able to put him in his place. I've seen that woman kick full-grown meat-headed men out of his club and I've seen her not like people. If she didn't like you, Bella, she'd have told you to your face. In the beginning, she did try that, remember?"

With two extra-large pizzas, figuring Edward could take left over pizza to work with him on Monday night, and their daughter, they made their way into the house. Diesel was tied up outside and Bella looked to Edward in confusion. "Why is Diesel out there? Did he get into something?" Edward asked, heading towards the kitchen with the pizzas. Esme didn't answer, instead, she intercepted him and lead him into the living room.

"You'll understand in a minute. We need to talk...Edward, I have a surprise for you. I know I should have talked to you about it sooner but I wasn't sure if it was going to work out or not and I didn't want anyone to get too excited."

Bella wondered what the hell was happening as she unstrapped a squirming Allison from her seat and cringed. "You need changed," she muttered to her daughter. Almost to the stairs, Esme called over to her, "Bella, I know you're busy but could you just hang on a sec? Please? It's something for both of you. He missed you guys so much and he wanted to see his granddaughter..." Esme began as she looked behind them to the kitchen. Both Edward and Bella turned to find Carlisle standing in the doorway.

"Dad?" Edward asked in shock.

"Hey, kid. Bella, dear, you look beautiful as always. Is that her?" he mused, nodding to Allison.

"Yeah," Edward answered, getting Carlisle's attention again. "Mom said they were backing off of you. Is it over?"

"Yes. It's over. I wanted to make sure it was all done before your mother came home. I couldn't stand it if something happened to her."

"Happened? Why the hell would the police fuck with mom?"

Bella flinched at Edward's hard tone. She never did understand their relationship. Carlisle just shrugged and put an arm around Esme. "They wouldn't. It wasn't the police..."

"Christ, dad! You had to get involved with this, didn't you? I told you a million times to stay out of the fucking drug business and now..."

"Edward, calm down," Esme bit out, placing a hand on his shoulder as if to calm him. Bella just watched as Edward's fierce personality showed through. She sometimes forgot about his past, his anger, and it was interesting to see him interact this way with his own father. It was obvious there was a lot between them that may never be resolved. She could see it. Esme having to watch her lover and her child fighting about responsibility...some of that involving Esme herself. Edward had said his mother could put Carlisle in his place, she could see that in the expression Esme wore now.

"Listen to me. Both of you. Edward, your father knows that he messed up. He's not the only one in this family who has done things he shouldn't have. We all know that. He's still your father. Carlisle, Edward has a good fucking point. Tell him what you told me. Tell him what you did."

"What now, dad?" Edward asked, exasperated and still a little pissed. Bella wondered why that turned her on. She refocused, looking to Carlisle for answers the way Edward was before milk made an embarrassing appearance. She had fed Allison a bottle in the car on the way to the doctors but she'd be hungry again soon.

"I sold the club."

"You what?" Edward gasped, looking back and forth between Carlisle and Esme in shock.

"I had the money to retire and I did it. I'm going to help Emmett with Twilight Moon."

Raising an eyebrow, Edward smiled as if this must be a complete joke. "You and Em? You two are going to work together? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Bella had enough of the swearing with Allison around but didn't feel like she should chastise him in front of Carlisle, not when there was obviously tension between them. Heading upstairs, she left the door to the nursery open to hear them better and laid Allison on the changing table. Between cries of frustration from Allison and the ripping of diaper tabs and a wipe container, she listened as the two men downstairs went round after round, cursing at each other in angry tones. Bella never felt completely comfortable around Carlisle and was kind of relieved when Allison began to let her know she was hungry. It was a little earlier than normal, only about two hours since she last ate, but she indulged her daughter.

"I hope you and I get along much better than your father and grandfather, little one."

When Allison was burped twice and began to doze more than suckle, Bella pulled her off and laid her daughter's head on her chest, rocking her back and forth and humming to her. The voices downstairs were softer now, more controlled. Smoothing the brown baby fluff back and feeling Allison breathing softly against her chest, Bella began to relax. She was just dozing off herself when Edward knocked and peered in. "You okay, love?"

She nodded with a smile and kissed Allison's head. Approaching her, he ran the pad of his thumb down Bella's cheek and held out his arms. "May I? I know she's sleeping but dad wants to officially meet his first granddaughter.

"And you're okay with that?" Bella asked softly, wishing she had a free hand to take his for encouragement.

"I don't hate him," he sighed. "I just have trouble respecting him because of all the shit he put mom and I through."

"Edward, I love you to death. I fell in love with the bad boy who smoked and drove a shiny sports car-which is now in storage and I feel bad about that," she had been meaning to talk him into having it driven out to them since it was paid for. "Still, I'm not used to the hard person you become when you're angry."

"Jesus, Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't even think how it could upset you..."

"I'm not afraid of you," she rolled eyes. "I'm never afraid of you. I just don't want Allison around that anger and swearing. She's too little to understand now but she'll get older and I never want her to feel that your anger is because of her. I want her to have a good relationship with both of us."

He looked away, ashamed before looking down at his daughter and rubbing her little arm. Bella knew that anger was a big part of his temperament-or at least it was before he was with her. Now, though, he was like a different person; unless, of course, he was protecting his family. "I'm sorry, sweet little girl. I'm sorry." Bella knew she would never forget that moment. Watching Edward talking to his daughter, obviously sorry for how he acted in front of her, even though she was too tiny to understand. He was a good man. Bella just hoped that this visit from Carlisle wouldn't send him over the edge-not after she had just returned from her own dance along that line.

**I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and that you had a chance to check out The Moment of Truth-if you haven't yet, you should! I will hopefully have part three up sometime next week. As always, please let me know what you think by leaving a review! This is a crazy week for me because school is starting back up and I might have a really good shot at a full-time position! Still, I plan to keep things going as always but would love to see some reviews for motivation :) You can also find me on twitter letzigprincess. Letzy xx**


	44. Chapter 44

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**All mistakes are completely my own on this one-my lovely beta and her dear baby boy have been super busy and kind of ill so the poor thing wasn't able to work on this one for me. Still, she keeps me sane and I couldn't have done this without her :)**

**Chapter 44**

**What Did You Know About?**

A knock on the door sounded a few minutes later as Bella was cleaning herself up and cleaning up a little around the nursery. When the door didn't open, she assumed it wasn't Edward again. "Um, come in," Bella called, making sure her shirt was buttoned right.

"Hey, Bella," Esme said with a smile as she carried two plates in her hand. "I figured I'd give our boys some time with the baby. Are you hungry? I brought you some pizza."

Bella looked around and knew that the only place to sit was the rocking chair. "Here, have a seat..."

"No. You sit. I'm sure you're still a little sore. I'll pull up some carpet," Esme waved her off, sliding down the wall and sitting cross-legged on the floor with the pizza propped on her legs.

Things got quiet as they heard the guys talking downstairs. Bella wondered when the last time was that she had time with Edward's mom. Knowing she was leaving the next day, Bella bit down on her lip, took a deep breath, and then broke the silence. "I need to know something. You more than anyone, more than Edward and more than my family can answer this. I need you to be honest. Will I ever be good enough for him?"

Esme stopped with the pizza half way to her mouth and lowered it onto her plate. "Bella..." she gasped, as if disappointed in her. Bella was honestly surprised. "He's uprooted his life to put roots down in your hometown. He's head over heels in love with you. You're the woman he chose to be the mother of his child-even if it wasn't exactly planned. You pulled him through losing his baby sister."

"You know, though, also more than some people, that I'm not exactly the most stable person in the world. Don't you want better for him? You hated me in the beginning...why did you change your mind?"

"I didn't _hate_ you. I just didn't know the whole story and when I did..."

"You pitied me," Bella answered for her matter-of-factly.

"No. I thought you were strong enough to take him on. Bella, I don't know what happened between him and Janie," she raised her hand to stop Bella's protests. "I know he wouldn't hit a woman but I've seen his temper at it's worst. It was really bad for a while. I thought that if he loved you enough to trump that anger... I guess I knew you wouldn't put up with it. You've spent your life oppressed and you wouldn't do it again. When I saw him with you and how he practically worshiped you, that's when I knew. I knew you two would be good for each other. You wouldn't allow him to lose it and he would fight losing it to keep you happy and safe."

"He would never physically hurt a woman, Esme," Bella defended her man. "He's never, ever raised a hand to me. He loses his patience but not his temper. If he loved Janie, which I do believe that he did at the time that they were together, he wouldn't have hurt her either. That man that she was cheating with hurt her, Edward saw it. He lost his temper, then. Sure. He loved her and wanted to avenge her. That doesn't make him an angry person."

Esme nodded, "I know. I know that. I just saw how upset he could get. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I never wanted to upset you...not after getting to know you. I've already lost one daughter, Isabella. I'll be damned if I lose another. You've given me a beautiful, wonderful granddaughter and you've made Edward so, so happy. I've never seen him this way before. I've never seen him...love...so much. Part of that is my fault...and his father's. Edward's always held a grunge against Carlisle for not being home more when he and Em were growing up. I, of course, said it before but I leaned on him way more than I should have."

"He loves you very much," Bella said softly, beginning to understand why. She'd been through a lot but Esme Cullen still loved her family. No matter what Carlisle did, or what crazy schemes Emmett came up with, or what Edward would do when faced with too much stress, they were hers. Esme Cullen would kill for her family and that meant wanting to protect them as much as she could.

Tears filled Esme's eyes and a few slid down her cheeks. "That's good to hear. It means so much. You'll learn that once Allison is old enough to say it to you. I don't care what anyone says, you can't have a child because you want someone to love you. They are too little to understand love but when they are grown and they choose to love you back, it's the best feeling in the world. I love her now that she's little and I'll love her for the rest of her life. Bella, we have nothing if we don't have love."

Bella just smiled and took a bite of her pizza. "So, are you still interested in giving those cooking lessons? I know you're going home tomorrow night but I'd love to learn a little from you before that. I want to make sure I keep your son fed. That boy can eat."

"I know," Esme said dryly. "I don't know where the hell he puts it..."

"Well, I'd like him to not starve so any help is greatly appreciated," she said with a laugh.

"Well, we've already had dinner tonight but why don't we start with something that to Edward is it's own major food group..."

"Cake?"

"Yes!" Esme laughed.

"I'd love that."

"Well, finish your pizza and we'll get started. We might have to run to the store first, though."

Bella froze mid chew. "Esme, I don't know..."

"Bells, you braved a doctor's office and the park. This time in the evening their shouldn't be too many people around. We can show Carlisle around Forks a little." Bella looked down at her plate and nodded. "If it's too much, you can go out to the car. Edward will be there, too."

Bella smiled and finished off the slice. "Thank you for everything, Esme. Edward told me that you really helped me when I was out of it...and you helped him, too."

"I would do anything for each of you. You, Edward, Allison...anything, Bella. Also, I want you to know that if you ever need to talk, like if Edward kind of does lose that temper, I'm here to help. I'll talk to him and we'll work together to fix the problem. He's a good man. God, I never thought I'd be calling my baby boy a man...but it's true."

"It's very true."

"Let's go check on them. I want a chance with my granddaughter, too!"

The trip to the local grocery store was a little funny but a little pathetic at the same time. It was a Saturday so the place was pretty busy despite Esme thinking it wouldn't be. Adults bustled by, irritated and just wanting to get the annoying chore done of having to buy food for the whole family while pushing through aisles full of people to do so. Children ran around, some happy and some screaming and crying, trying to get their parents to buy them something sugary or trying to play with their parent's carts. Babies cried and tired cashiers glared. The grocery store at this time on a busy evening was the last place Bella needed or wanted to be.

Since Carlisle had arrived, Edward was trying to remain his happy self but there was something about his father being there that put him in a strange mood. Esme led the group, walking in front of the cart. The cart was pushed by Bella so that she could stay close to Allison, whose carrier was strapped to the spot where kids could sit. Edward was behind her and Carlisle was kind of moseying around all of them. Before leaving the house, Esme had come up with a grocery list with the help of Bella. She really wished they all would have gone without her. She'd much rather be in her quiet home with Allison.

By the time their cart was full and their list was checked off, Allison began to get fussy and Bella turned to Edward. "I'm going to take her out to the car."

He nodded, seeming a little distracted, "Okay. I'll pay for everything and be out in a minute."

"I'll come with you," Carlisle offered, smiling widely and looked at his granddaughter adoringly.

Sighing and feeling a little defeated at not getting to be by herself to pull it together, she nodded. "Come on."

As soon as they were outside, Carlisle asked if he could hold the baby and she handed her over. "It's nice that you're here."

"I'm sorry for all the fighting with Edward."

"It's more his fault than yours," Bella smirked.

"Yeah, well, I haven't been the best dad in the world. He has the right to be angry with me. They all do..."

"Carlisle, I..." Bella began, wanting to argue but was interrupted by a woman striding towards her.

"Bella? Sweetie, is that you?" Backing up until she was against the Caliber, she braced herself for the stranger to approach her who was undoubtedly interested in her. "Oh, my God! I told your mother that you should stop by and visit! It's so wonderful to see you out and about and is this him? The man who saved you?"

Trying to find her voice and figure out which question to answer first, Bella shook her head. "No..."

"Your baby is just to cute! You must be one proud papa!" the strange lady exclaimed, turning to smile at Carlisle-who was red as a beet and shaking his own head.

It was situations like this that upset Bella the most. Every time she became overwhelmed it was like she'd lose her ability to form thoughts and, when that happened, it made it difficult to deal with the issue. This issue in particular was this woman who didn't seem to realize she was sorely mistaken and being a bit frustrating. Bella was completely embarrassed for not being able to get her sentences out and explain things to this crazy person who couldn't shut up. The woman didn't seem to realize Bella was distressed at all.

"Actually," Carlisle finally got a hold of himself and spoke up, "I'm the baby's grandfather."

"Oh! Forgive me! Anyway, Bella, I've been telling your mom that we should have a little get together so everyone can see you and know that you're okay!"

Bella swallowed hard, imagining being the center of attention and in front of a room full of people. "Oh, I don't..."

"Ang! Over here!" the woman was calling over to a different lady now. "It's Bella Swan!"

"Oh, Bella!" the lady name Ang bellowed as she headed over as well. People were turning to look at them and Bella just wanted to cry. "You look so good, Sweetheart! I saw you were back! When it came on the news, I said to my husband, 'Thank the heavens! She's alive!' I can remember being out there looking for you all those years ago!"

"The news?" Bella asked, confused. She had no idea anyone even really knew she was back except for few of her parent's friends. Had her mother not told her any of this? Were all these people friends with her parents?

Carlisle looked at her funny as she looked to him with pleading eyes. She begged him to understand that she was uncomfortable and she desperately hoped he would turn these people away. When Allison began to cry while the woman went on to explain, "Well, yeah, it was all over the news that you'd returned safely and your case..." Bella blocked out the rest and took her daughter from Carlisle.

This was a disaster, she never should have come to the store. Wanting to cry in frustration and seeing that the women were apparently waiting for her to answer some question she hadn't even heard them ask, she took a deep breath and as calmly as possible looked the first woman in the eye saying, "I need to get my daughter taken care of but if you talk to my mom she can answer all your questions..."

"Of course, dear. Of course! You guys have a wonderful evening and I'm still going to talk to your mom and see if we can plan a little something. Ang, come on, dear! Let's leave our little Bella to take care of that cute little bundle!"

Bella sagged against the back passenger's side door and cradled a fussy Allison as the women walked away, completely oblivious to how upset they'd just made her. "Bella, are you okay?" Carlisle asked awkwardly, reaching out to touch her on the shoulder but she flinched and stepped away from him.

If she wasn't completely embarrassed before, she was now. "Carlisle, I'm so sorry..."

"No! No. Edward told me that I had to be careful. I just wanted to be sure you were okay..."

"I'm fine," Bella said but it wasn't that convincing due to her shaking voice.

Allison was calming down so Bella set her in her back into her car seat which was currently on the ground in front of her and buckled her in. Her hands were shaking bad enough that she had trouble clicking the buckle and fastening it. Edward walked out of the store just then with Esme close behind. Carlisle took the carrier off the ground and went to buckle Allison into the base in the car when Edward made eye contact with Bella and immediately frowned. Pushing the cart even more quickly towards her, he stopped it in front of the trunk and made his way over.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice concerned but also a little angry.

She couldn't help but cling to him as he held her to his chest. Bella just shook her head before taking a deep breath. "People came up to me and said my story was on the news and..."

She heard him mutter something unintelligible and then turned to his father. "Can you help mom with the groceries?" Bella heard the annoyance in his voice and the embarrassment got worse for her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as Carlisle walked away from them. The door was still open so they could get to Allison and keep an eye on her.

"I'm not upset with you," he sighed. "I shouldn't have to ask my father to help my mother with something... Nevermind. What exactly did they say to you? Were they mean?"

"No! They wanted to like throw me a party! Edward, they showed me on the news!" Bella exclaimed. "Do you realize how bad this is? I don't want people to know where I am!"

"Baby, you have to calm down. There are a lot of people out here. Let's just get home. We'll call your mom. I think you two need to talk."

"How do you know my mom has anything to do with this?" Bella knew something was up. They were in on something and keeping her completely out of it. When he looked away and ran a hand through his hair, she felt herself becoming a little angry. "Edward! What does she have to do with this? Did you _know_ about all of this?"

"Bella, please. We'll all talk at home."

With Allison drowsily relaxing in her swing, Edward, his parents, Bella and both of her parents sat around the kitchen table. When Charlie went to pull two chairs up from the basement since the table only seated four, Edward told him to just bring up one and pulled Bella into his lap. She was glad even though she was a little mad at him for whatever had transpired between him and her mother. Renee handed her a tissue before she even realized she was crying.

"Sweetie," Renee began when they were all seated and somewhat comfortable, "there were a lot of people who were very involved in trying to find you. This is such a small town. Everyone knows everyone. You know that. The day you disappeared, I waited and waited for you to get home. When I got home from work and you weren't home, I was worried, but by suppertime I was kind of panicking. I called your dad and told him that you weren't here yet and he went to the clinic to look for you. Some people said that you were a runaway but we knew better. You were leaving for school, one that was your choice completely, and you had no reason to take off like that.

"Within hours there were people from here, other counties, even bordering states that knew about your kidnapping. It was on every news channel. There were flyers put up and teams put together and organizations contacting us..." Bella realized her mom was really struggling to keep it together so she wasn't surprised when Renee stopped and Charlie picked it up.

"We had parts of the major highways blocked off, literally half the roads in town were shut down and I think the fire company even said something to the mayor because town hall was completely filled to the brim with people wanting to help and it became a fire hazard. Hell, the fire company was even trying to help organize teams and they called in other companies to help us out.

"Kiddo, we searched for days. Your mom only slept about three days later and it was because she literally couldn't stand anymore. Every lead that came in was worthless and we were getting nowhere. I remember people were even donating money to put up an award for anyone who could give sufficient enough information to bring you home. Bells, it was like the world was on our doorstep with any help we needed and it still wasn't enough."

Renee continued on now. "Days later, it was still all you heard when you turned on the news but then weeks went by...and months...and you just...you were gone. And then it turned to years. Friends of yours from school, your teammates from swimming, your coaches and teachers...they were all stopping by to see if there was any word about you. Even the college contacted us to see if there was anything they could do. Bells, I still have people that ask me about you at work...the same ones who have asked me every day they saw me since you first disappeared. The still ask me about you."

"I didn't realize there were so many people effected by this," cried Bella, whose tissue was completely soaked through.

"Well, there were. From the day you came home people were trying to contact us and thankfully your father is on the force or else you would have been bombarded with questions. We didn't want that for you. We know that talking about traumatic things like this can make it even harder to recover from it and we wanted you to go at your own pace. You have to realize, though, that there are a lot of people out there who have been pulling for you all these years. What happened literally shook the entire state, Bells. Before I realized what was going on, it was on the news and they were showing old pictures of you and the flyers and things. I didn't let you see it...because...baby, I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to have to deal with it..."

"Mom, you should have told me about it, though!"

"You were so upset all the time. You'd cry all night and you were so depressed. Even that day at the diner, the first time we went out to eat together after you came home, people were staring at you and I didn't want them to upset you even more. Thankfully, you were so caught up with what happened between you and Edward that I didn't think you'd even noticed."

"I didn't," Bella replied dryly. She felt Edward squeeze he a little tighter.

"Well, then you left and it gave me time to kind of spread the word that you needed to be left alone."

"I discussed things with the news channels and the department made sure that they'd be idiots to run another story on you. We'd ruin them if they tried," Charlie explained. "There was a lot of work being done behind the scenes when you returned that we didn't want you to have to worry about. Friends of the department out East were tipped off by a guy named...Dom. He wouldn't give his full name but..."

"Oh, my God," Bella blurted, rubbing her eyes

"The investigation is still on-going but..."

"No. You told me that it was closed..."

"Bells, we _couldn't _just close it. What if there were other girls? Other fathers out there searching for their daughters?"

"I told you the guy was dead!"

"It was not just one man who did this!" Edward reminded her in frustration.

"How dare you? You knew about this the whole time and never breathed a word of it to me?" Bella half asked/half accused.

"Don't get..."

"Enough!" Renee interrupted Edward. "Bella, Edward didn't know about all of this. By the time you both moved here, your name was mentioned once in awhile on the news but it was just about the investigation. The news channels have rights that even the Feds couldn't have messed with to stop them."

"I didn't know about all that stuff," Edward put in.

"What_ did_ you know about?" Bella asked, standing up and walking over to grab another tissue and lean against the counter.

"Some of the people in town wanted to have a celebration for you having come home. I pulled Edward aside a couple times to discuss it with him but he told me you had trouble with crowds of people and none of us wanted to do anything to put more stress on you. You were pregnant, Bella. We were all worried about you and the baby..."

"He was right to say no," Bella sniffled. "I don't want a party. Mom, all I want is to be left alone! I just wish that you would have told me all of this. I was bombarded today at the grocery store and I'm not used to that. I finally braved going out of the house to shop and then people are coming up to me and telling me we should have a freaking party!"

"I'm sorry. I should have told you... I know that now. Still, there are a lot of people out there who put in hours upon hours worth of time to help look for you. We're just all so ecstatic that you made it home safely. None of us thought...we thought..."

"That we'd never get the_ chance_ to party. We expected any news would just be closure. That we'd find out what happened to you but that...you'd be...and we wouldn't see you alive again," Charlie finished for her.

Bella sagged against the counter, feeling like she'd just ran a marathon. "So the case is still open? You still lied to me?"

"Bells, I want these men to rot. I don't want anyone to every have to go through any of this ever again. It's the right thing to do."

"I hope you don't hate us. We love you so much, baby. Your father and I...and Edward...we wanted to do what we thought was right for you. You wouldn't let us get you help, you wouldn't talk about what happened, but we needed to try to stop all this from happening again."

"We all love you very, very much," Esme spoke up as she stood to stand beside Bella and rub her arm. Carlisle just nodded with a sad look on his face and Bella wondered if he was having second thoughts about his own run in with running girls.

"I don't hate you," Bella frowned deeper. "I just...I need time to digest things."

While Edward spent some time with his father and daughter in the living room, Bella and Esme got to working on their cake after Renee and Charlie left and Allison was fed. It was nice having something else to focus on besides the discussion they had all just had even though it was now much later in the night than they'd planned to start. They had decided on red velvet cake with cream cheese icing, flavors picked out by Bella while they had been at the store. No one knew it but that was the cake Bella always dreamed about having at her own wedding ever since she was a little girl.

Diesel was right under her feet the entire time and Esme kept the conversation going. By the time they slid the cake onto the center rack in the oven and Esme had Bella read what the timer should be set to out loud so Esme could set it, Bella made up her mind. Not only did she not hate her mother, father, and fiance, as if she ever could,she was also not actually angry with them either. She hadn't had a clue as to what actually went down that fateful day all those years ago but she could see why people were now so curious about her.

Her father was a police officer. He'd sworn to protect citizens. She should have known he nor anyone else down at the station would have just let this go. In her case, she was home safe but that didn't mean things ended. Of course he'd push for the people who did this to her to be found. According to Dom, thankfully, what Mike started had been finished but that didn't mean those other girls got away as luckily as she had. Didn't their parents deserve that closure her father had been talking about waiting for?

Bella smiled to herself as she thought of Dom. He must have seen the story on the news about her return and called. She made a mental note to look up the articles and find the news clip online of what all was said. Surely, as Dom was worried about the other girls, he would want to try and help the police track down where everything had happened. He was privy to a lot of the information as he used to actually work for Mike. Bella shivered at that but knew he wasn't the one who took her from home and he was the reason-or at least most of the reason-that she_ returned_ home at all.

Edward hadn't actually been the one to save her from Mike's sinister plans, though she would forever feel that he had saved her in a million other ways. It was Dom who was responsible for her escape. He had been the one to help her get away that night. He had risked his own life to improve hers. She swore to herself right then that she would talk to her father soon about the guy and make sure he wasn't being charged with anything. For him, she would testify on his behalf if he was put to trial.

For the first time since escaping, Bella wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to know that the men involved in selling her as if she were an object were sentenced to a million lifetimes in prison. A thought that still overwhelmed her, though, was the idea of how many people came out to help find her. While Esme walked into the living room to visit with her granddaughter on the last night of her visit, Bella found her cell phone and called Helene. Another first for her-Bella wanted to talk.

**From this point on, there is going to be a lot more of a change in Bella. I don't want to give anything away but there are weddings to be had and an even bigger surprise than that... Thanks so much for your support and I hope you've all had a wonderful Labor Day (for those who celebrate). For others, hopefully you had a tolerable Monday :) Real life is kicking my butt and I barely had time to fix this up and update it tonight-so sorry for the lateness and the fact that I didn't get a chance to write all my reviewers back. I've read them all and they mean so much. Please review this one and let me know what you think! Love, Letzy xx**

**PS The last part of Moment of Truth is completed and currently being edited. I hope to release it at the end of this week. Check out the first two parts now!**


	45. Chapter 45

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**All mistakes are completely my own on this one-my lovely beta and her dear baby boy have been super busy and kind of ill so the poor thing wasn't able to work on this one for me. Still, she keeps me sane and I couldn't have done this without her :)**

**Chapter 45**

**I'm Not Ashamed of You**

"Alright, angel, we'll see you soon I hope," Esme said to her granddaughter, rocking her in her arms. Bella watched on as they had a little moment and then Allison was handed to Carlisle. He didn't say anything but he looked a little choked up. They had survived the Carlisle visit and Edward seemed genuinely sad to see him leave.

Esme had offered to stay with them a little while longer but Bella knew she couldn't stay forever. Emmett and Rosalie needed her help with the wedding, Jasper needed her help with Tommy, and Carlisle needed to reconnect a little with his wife. Bella had a new respect for the woman after the last couple days and she cried as Esme pulled Bella into a hug and kissed her cheek. "You call me if you need anything. I don't care if it's about your daughter or my son, you call me. I'll be back here in a heartbeat, Bella."

"Alright, honey, we're going to miss our flight," Carlisle interrupted and pulled Esme away. He knew better than to try to hug his future daughter-in-law but she felt Edward step closer to her anyway, as if waiting to stop it. Carlisle wouldn't hurt her but she had more issues with him now than she did poor Emmett.

As they watched Edward's parents head through security, Edward pulled Bella and Allison into him and placed small kisses on her cheek. "You okay?" he asked softly.

"They're_ your_ parents," Bella laughed.

"I mean with the crowds. This place is packed today..."

"I'll be okay. I'd like to get out of here, though. Are you okay with them leaving?"

"Yeah. I'll miss them like crazy but dad drives me up a damn wall and mom is way too much of a prier. It'll be nice to have you two to myself for a little while."

"I still feel bad about what happened with Rosalie and Emmett."

"They got to visit for a little while with me and Allison at least. Baby, my family knows things are harder for you than for someone who didn't go through what you did. They understand that sometimes it's just a bad time for you. They came to see their new niece and they aren't upset with you or anything like that."

"Still, they're your family. You moved here for me. They came to visit and then left early because of me. I want you to be able to see and spend time with them. Have you heard from Jasper lately?"

"No," Edward frowned. "I mean, he couldn't come in with everyone because of work and I don't think he really has the money for it right now. I really wish he could have come to meet Allison, though. We were really close back home. I was closer to him than Emmett, which is part of the reason that I wanted to kill him when I found out he was messing around with my already pregnant little sister."

Loading the stroller into the car and getting the baby settled in to the car seat cradle in the back, they began the drive home. Bella reflected on what he said about Jasper and then remembered the animosity between Edward and Carlisle. "I know there's some bad blood between you and your dad but I could tell you were happy to see him. Why do you get so angry with him?"

"Learned reaction, I guess," Edward shrugged. "We fought all the time when I was in high school."

"I don't want to get in the middle but I'm glad you two had some time to spend together this weekend. Are you ready for work on Tuesday?"

"I don't know. I assumed they meant take the rest of the week off but when it was definitely nice when I called to check in with them Saturday after the appointment and they told me to have Monday. I guess they were giving me a full week. It's paid, too."

Bella took a deep breath and considered what she was about to say. This always turned into a tense discussion between them and she wasn't sure if she should throw in more waves to their already choppy relationship. "Edward, we still have money in the savings..."

"Don't. That money is going to stay there. It's nice to have it to help out but now that I'm working, I..."

Bella could tell he had stopped himself from saying something he thought would upset her. Of course, that just made her want to push harder, even though she kept her voice as soft as possible. "You what? How do you really feel about this money?"

"Don't worry about it. As long as I can provide for you, we don't have to feel _anything_ over it. It's money. It's a nice security blanket but I try not to rely on it..."

"Edward, why?" she asked, her voice taking on a littler harder tone. When he just stared at the road ahead, she shook her head and called him out. "Because your fiance earned it stripping, right?"

He blanched, opening his mouth and then closing it again. "I'm not ashamed of you," he said after a long moment.

"No, just what I've done."

"That's not fair. I love you. I'm _proud_ of you."

"So let's use the money to pay our bills and you can stay at home with me and Allison until we only have a little left..."

"I promised your dad that I would work to support us. I quit the academy and therefore I'm working."

"In light of recent...events," Bella cringed at her own word, they both knew that those events entailed her complete breakdown after her daughter was born, "I think he'd be more than okay with you staying with me for a little while longer."

"I've worked it out that Renee will come visit with you in the evenings when I leave and once you are settled for the night, she'll go home." Bella frowned at that but let it go. He'd basically asked Renee to babysit both her and his daughter but she let it go, knowing there was some good reasoning behind it.

"Do you...do you need a break...from me?"

He let out a long sigh as they pulled into the driveway. It had been almost fifteen minutes since she'd asked him that question and she had let it go when he didn't reply. She had suspected that to be the case this whole time anyway. At least he wasn't ashamed of her, or at least that's what he said. "Bella, this life that we have going is wonderful. I never saw myself as a family man before you...or even for a little while after knowing you. It wasn't until we conceived our daughter that I realized it was what I wanted."

"Still," he continued, "it can be hard for me. Not the fathering part. I love being a dad more than any other thing I've ever done in my life. What's hard is trying to cope with everything that happened to you."

"I..."

"I know that's not fair," he interrupted. "I know that you are the one who truly is struggling and that's the way it would naturally be but it's fucking hard when someone you love so much has been through this shitty situation and there is nothing you can do to change it. I can't find Mike and make him regret what he did to you; he's already dead. Hell, I can't even make this go away for you even with you here and safe with me. That's hard. It's a damned struggle and seeing you in a constant state of fear when all I want is for you to be protected really upsets me."

"I'm sorry..."

"I don't want an apology. I want nothing from you. I only want to give you a piece of mind. There are things, though, that I've talked to Helene about and I think they need to be done. Bella, it wouldn't feel right for me to spend that money. To know that it was money given to the woman I love by men for their pleasure that we were living off of wouldn't be acceptable to me. It also wouldn't be acceptable, even though I'd love to do it, to stay with you day in and day out. I could never leave your side, never ask you to leave the house, and let you become completely dependent on me. You have no idea how much I _want_ to do that. Now that you're doing a little better, though, I know that it's wrong of me to make it okay for you to become even more withdrawn. I want to protect you but it's selfish of me to let you stay terrified of everything."

"I'm doing better," Bella said weakly as they sat in the car that was parked in their own driveway. It didn't feel right to get out yet.

"Now you are. You weren't, though. Do you know how hard it was for me over those few days to not run up there and wake you from those nightmares every night? Bella, there's a reason that I let you lay up there without showering or eating all day. I mean, I made sure you ate some since you were still taking care of Allison but I tried not to force you. I had to let you see that you could do this on your own and you did it, Bells. I _need _to go back to work. I need to let you get used to normal life. I need to make sure you get used to it because that's what people do when they love someone. They do what's best for them."

Bella was crying now, tears falling onto her hoodie. "I'll never _be _completely normal. I'll never have a normal life. Please don't hate me for that."

"Never. I could never hate you. I just want to prove to you that you can do this. We can manage this together. I am going to talk to them about switching me to days but I feel like nights would be easier for you to handle Allison on your own. I won't miss anything except for needing to sleep. I want to make sure you're okay by yourself for a few hours at night before being gone all day. It's not just about you so don't go getting that look," he teased, pulling her head up with his finger under her chin so she wouldn't be looking down in shame. "I want to prove to you that you can do this but I also like being able to be off so I'm not sleeping through her appointments and things like that."

Silence fell between them and then he took her hand. "I'm still going to be right here, though, baby. The second you call me, I'll leave work. You come first. I'm just trying to give you your independence back like you wanted before Allison was born. I want you to be able to take her to the park on your own, to be able to go to the grocery store... I'm still here for you, though. I'll help you when you need it and I'll be there for when you feel like it's too much. This doesn't mean you're on your own now. I'm still here."

Bella smiled through her tears and hugged him over the console between them. She was just about to respond verbally when Allison woke up and began to cry. Kissing him on the cheek, she let go and opened the car door to get out and get her daughter. Allison needed to eat and Bella was more than ready to feed her.

Small victories were what mattered. When Tuesday night came, Bella already had her pajamas on while Edward got dressed for work. The old jeans that had holes in the knees and were worn in had her swooning. As he walked around the bedroom, his jeans riding low on his hips while he walked around shirtless, looking for his belt, had her squirming. Allison was watching Edward, too. She must have sensed that something big was happening tonight. For the first time in her life, she would be away from her daddy. Bella prayed things would run smoothly.

By the time he got his belt situated and threw a shirt on to cover up those amazing abs Bella couldn't figure out how he still had when he didn't work out much, Renee walked in downstairs. Diesel immediately tore off the bed, jumping from Bella's side to run full sprint down to the front door. He let out a couple loud barks but once his paws were scratching across the hardwood floor, he stopped and Bella could imagine him sitting pretty so that Renee would pet him.

After about ten more minutes of nervous goodbyes, Edward hesitantly left and Renee rolled her eyes. "He's a bit of a worrier, isn't he?"

"Well," Bella sighed, sitting down on the couch beside her mother, "I give him reason to be."

Bella set Allison in her swing so she could take Diesel by the collar and open the front door to leash him. She figured she might as well let him go out to the bathroom now. She was exhausted already and planned on an early bedtime. Allison would need to eat within the next hour and then she was hoping to catch some shut-eye before her next feeding. "Mom, do you want some ice cream?" Bella called from the kitchen.

Looking down, she saw the cookies on the table that she had made the day before for dessert after dinner. When she opened the fridge and saw the leftover noodles from the chicken Parmesan she had made earlier, she wanted to do a little dance at her accomplishment. She wasn't the best with non-pasta things but at least it was a start. Esme had sent her a recipe for lasagna she wanted to try but she knew that was definitely not as easy of a pasta dish to create than their meal from earlier.

Armed with two bowls of ice cream, Bella went back to the living room and sat down again. "I'm sorry you have to sit here with us like this. I'll probably head to bed early tonight, though. This one," Bella's voice turned a teasing one as she looked at her daughter and played with the baby's fingers, "didn't let mommy or daddy get much sleep last night. I really think she just wanted to be held."

"How can you resist this little one," Renee cooed, playfully smiling at Allison.

"It's easier than you think at three thirty in the morning," Bella responded dryly before bending down to kiss her forehead. "It doesn't matter, though. I keep telling myself that before I know it, she'll be a teenager and never want me to even hug her...so...I guess I'll take it now."

"You seem to be doing better," Renee said softly as Bella flipped through the TV channels.

"I'm managing. I couldn't have done all this without Edward, though. He's good to me...and with me...and to Allison. I just love him..."

"Well, I would hope so," Renee giggled. "You are the future Mrs. Edward Cullen."

Bella smiled with a mouthful of ice cream. Once she managed to swallow it, she replied. "I know. Doesn't that sound amazing? Bella Cullen. Who would have thought?"

Before Renee could respond to the rhetorical question, Allison started to fuss and ball her fists. Bella knew what that meant. Getting a brain freeze from shoveling down her ice cream, she picked up her daughter and rocked her a little. With Allison in one arm, she opened the door and let Diesel back in before giving an apologetic smile to her mom. "Duty calls. I have to change her and grab my nursing stuff from upstairs. I'm exhausted tonight, though. Would you be upset if I went to bed after feeding her? I could feed her down here but she's more likely to fall into a deeper sleep if we're already in the nursery."

"Bells, sweetie, you do your thing. Tonight I'm still going to just hang out here until Edward gets back..."

"You don't have to..." Bella began to protest but Renee just held up a hand.

"I want to. I was terrified the first night they left me with you on my own. I'll be here if you need me. If you don't, you just do your thing and I'll be gone in the morning."

"Thanks, mom," Bella smiled before Allison took a deep breath and literally screamed at the top of her lungs. "I'll be upstairs."

Bella got through her first night without Edward remarkably well. Allison must have worn herself out the night before, only waking Bella four times. Three times to eat and once when Bella suspected she had gas. Renee stayed downstairs, probably having fallen asleep on the couch and it really was a huge relief to have her there. The hardest part of the night was the fact that the bed beside her was empty. Since she had somewhat recovered from her melt down the week before, Edward had slept every night with her. She missed having him there, and not just to help her tend to their daughter. She just missed him.

Around seven that morning, Bella only panicked a little as the bed dipped down and she felt a kiss on her cheek. She calmed down and smiled when she saw Edward, sweaty and dirty, looking down at her with a smile on his face. "Your mom just left. I'm going to hop in the shower and then I'd love to crash for a while."

"Okay," Bella whispered with a smile. "What time is it?"

"7:17. I just checked on Allison, she's snoring away. I'll be up soon...go back to sleep."

"You're going to have to fight for your spot," she laughed, realizing that Diesel was actually laying beside her so that his head was on Edward's pillow.

Watching him leave the room, Bella suddenly felt wide awake. Sneaking down the stairs behind him, she waited until the bathroom door was shut and she could hear water running. She opened the door in time to see his wonderfully shaped back side stepping over the side of the tub and pulling the shower door closed. She undressed herself, trying not wince when she saw the stretch marks, love handles, and cellulite in the mirror. She was grateful that it was half steamed over already. Hoping he wouldn't be repulsed by her, she slid the door open, surprising him. He jumped when he realized she was there, his hair full of suds as he finished lathering it.

"What are you doing, love?" he asked huskily, swallowing hard.

"Joining you. I feel a little dirty as well," she smirked, reaching out to rub her hand down his toned stomach.

He pulled her into a hug with one arm and kissed her. "Oh really?"

"Really."

He smiled back at her but became serious. Despite his obvious erection, he frowned and cleared his throat. "No sex. Not for another five weeks, Bella. I'm serious. I could hurt you."

The idea of him hurting her in that way for some reason turned her on even more. She could feel her nipples hardening and it wasn't because of the water. "I know. I know. This still feels good," she replied, holding his naked body closer to hers.

"I missed you, Bells. How did things go tonight?"

"Good. I missed you like crazy, too. I was okay, though."

"I'm so relieved to be back home. I was worried that you'd need me and I wouldn't get back here in time to help you. I'm glad you're okay."

He yawned then, causing Bella to pull away and tell him to get clean, that he needed sleep. He turned to tilt his head under the water and the second his eyes were closed, Bella dropped down. Pulling the erection into her mouth, she took him in...all the way to the hilt. This completely caught him off guard and he nearly slid but grabbed onto the side of the shower. A shampoo bottle fell but he grabbed it before it could hit her. As she began to suck, he groaned. "Fuck, baby, what...are...you...doing?"

Bella didn't answer, for obvious reasons, and just responded by increasing her pace. Precum began to coat her mouth and she was shocked by how much there was. She wondered if he'd already orgasmed but kept going, knowing he always told her when to stop afterward. He bit out a curse a few seconds later and she saw that his knees were bent and he was practically panting. "Now, Bella, I can't hold back...it's been...too fucking long..."

Crouching on the textured shower floor, Bella realized how painful it was on her knees as soon as she let him go and let him help her up. Her mouth was still slick from the remnants of his orgasm but she smiled at him and gave him a chance to rinse his hair the rest of the way. White droplets were on her chest now and she blushed, turning away quickly and wiping away the milk. "Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm fine..."

"Let's get you back to bed..."

She just nodded, letting him help her out of the shower and wrap her up in a towel. "You didn't have to give me that blow job..."

"Judging from how much...yeah...is still in my mouth, I'm thinking you needed that. You're still a man, Edward."

He just kissed her lips softly and lead her back upstairs. As she laid down, he climbed in before Diesel could go back to his old position. In fact, Bella noticed Edward had shut the dog out in the hallway. Expecting him to fall asleep quickly, Bella turned on her side to try to fall back to sleep when she felt the bed moving in a weird way. Looking over, she realized he was under the covers, and soon felt his shoulders pressing against her inner thighs. Lifting the blanket, she saw him looking at her and she immediately panicked. It couldn't be pretty. A baby had come out of that particular spot just a week ago. "Edward, no..."

"You're still a woman," he replied, teasing her with her own words.

"Edward Cullen, seriously. I just had a baby. It has to be pretty gruesome down there. Please, don't..."

"You're so wet for me, Bells," he whispered, ignoring her.

"I didn't say I didn't want it. I just feel bad that you have to_ see_ it like that..." she responded dryly.

When a finger lightly slid over her clit, she couldn't help the satisfied moan that escaped her lips. "I'm going to take this slow," he told her gently. "I'm just using fingers because of the whole infection thing. I don't know if you're out of the infection danger time or not. If you start to feel like something hurts or doesn't feel right..."

Bella had no idea what the hell he said after that. He could have told her he was a vampire or a CEO and she wouldn't have given a damn. It had been so long since he'd touched her in that way and she honestly wondered if she was levitating off the fucking bed. That's how good it felt. Edward Cullen was magic at that moment. It took less than thirty seconds before she was begging him to stop, unable to ride the orgasm any longer. He was now beside her, his hand between her legs as she panted beside him. Kissing her neck, he lifted his wet finger to his mouth and licked. "It has been way, way too long, Bells." 

**I felt like we could all use a little happy ending...the next chapter won't be quite as happy so don't get used to it ;) I want to shout thank-you's from the rooftops and I wish I could reply back to everyone who reviewed but Monday snuck up on me and I have soooo much going on right now. I love each of you and so to all you amazing people who took the time to click that button and type something nice to me, huge hugs! It means so much and real life is rough. **

**On a good note, I wrote a contest piece not too long ago dealing with Sept. 11 and tomorrow I will be uploading it to my ffn page for all to read. It's pretty emotional and I put a lot of time and effort into it-including research! PLEASE check it out and let me know what you think. It is a o/s and I plan to keep it that way! My beta is currently without a computer but as soon as we collectively edit Part 3 to Moment of Truth, I'll upload that as well. So, I'll 'see' some of you tomorrow but until next week, let me know what you think of this :) **

**Love, Letzy xx**


	46. Chapter 46

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**All mistakes are completely my own on this one-my lovely beta and her dear baby boy have been super busy and kind of ill so the poor thing wasn't able to work on this one for me. Still, she keeps me sane and I couldn't have done this without her :)**

**Chapter 46**

**Pictures**

They fell asleep but a few minutes later, Bella woke to the cries of her daughter. She realized her chest was sticky and the spot between her legs was even worse. Letting Allison cry for a few extra minutes, she went down to the bathroom to clean herself up before going back up to the nursery. "Edward, go back to bed. You need to sleep," she chastised when she saw him picking up the baby.

"I didn't know if you needed help or something. She was crying."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Baby, go to sleep. I just went downstairs to clean up after...earlier. I've got her."

He handed Allison to Bella, kissing them both and then stumbling back to bed. Lowering herself into the glider, she got them both comfortable and got to work. Taking the quiet time to get her thoughts in order, she decided that she really needed to call Emmett and Rosalie. Tyler and James deserved a call from her and then she remembered Jasper. She loved that Edward moved to Forks for her but she felt more guilt than anything over him being so far from his family. Tommy was who he had left of his little sister and Jasper was his best friend. They should be able to see each other.

As Allison finished up, Bella took her downstairs to let Diesel out and grabbed her phone. Talking to Tyler cheered her up, made her laugh, and also made her miss James. Tyler had told her that James was excited about the idea of the wedding and loved seeing pictures of Allison that Edward had sent them. Bella was a little surprised to hear about the pictures, she hadn't realized Edward had been keeping everyone updated on their new little one even while she was struggling to cope.

Snapping a quick picture of Allison as she played in her swing, Bella sent them to his family and their friends with a tag of 'Miss you guys!'. Immediately, she was stunned to see four texts from people thanking her and telling her they missed her as well. Liz and Rosalie both asked her how she was doing and told her it was great to hear from her. After a long talk with Liz about...well, everything...over the past couple months, she called Rosalie.

"Bella? Hey!"

"Hi, Rose. Do you have time to talk?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. I'm just stocking coolers for tonight and Emmett ran to the bank. The poor guy is not so great with the finances so I'm glad Edward is still helping us out with it. So, um, how are you doing?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded to herself. Of course Rosalie would wonder that. They'd left the day after Bella completely lost it. "I'm good. Better. I feel...much more calm."

"We were all worried about you for a little while there, Bells. Edward was at a complete loss and I don't think Emmett being there was helping your nerves."

"I'm so sorry, Rosalie. Really. I never meant to lose it like that..."

"Don't apologize. I don't want to hear it. Just stay better. My little niece needs you and so does Edward. He loves you very much. I mean, between the two of us, I've never seen him so happy with a girl before. He didn't date a lot, but when Emmett tried to set him up with someone, he completely brushed it off. I'm glad he found you."

Bella gave a little snort, "Yeah, I'm sure he could have had anyone he wanted before I came along. Why didn't he date anyone?"

"Don't ask me but between the two of us, he probably_ could have _had just about anyone. I think the same about Emmett picking little old me and I still don't get it. My family is no more sane than his is, I have plenty of my own emotional problems, and compared to some of the girls that come in here I don't hold a candle. Yet, here we are getting married."

Bella rolled her eyes. Rosalie was gorgeous. Instead of telling her that, she chuckled and replied, "Well, Cullen boys are strange..."

"Oh, yeah. Well, if you're feeling up to it, I wanted to let you know that the dress shop we went to is a chain store and there's a store about forty minutes from Forks. They have all the information on which dress you need and you just have to get fitted. The tuxes are going to need to be fitted here, though. I told Emmett that I didn't know if Edward was going to be okay with that or not."

"I'll work it out," Bella said adamantly.

"Alright. Well, Emmett's back and I need his help with some things so I'll talk to you later. Tell everyone I said hi!"

The rest of the day was uneventful Edward woke up around two thirty and found Bella playing with Allison on the couch while chatting with Tyler over the phone. When he bent to kiss her, she told Tyler she would call him back and turned to fully greet her husband. "Feel better?" she asked.

"I felt amazing before I fell asleep," he replied, giving her that side-ways sexy smile that always made her toes curl.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Tyler."

"Oh. You seem cheery."

"Tyler always makes me cheery. Have you heard from Emmett lately? We need to figure out how you're going to get fitted for your tux."

"We're still doing the wedding thing with them?"

"The 'wedding thing'? Your brother is getting married, Edward. This isn't just some random party we were invited to."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I just wasn't sure that we were still going to be going considering...everything."

"You mean me," she stated softly, looking over at Diesel who was currently chasing a fly around the house.

He sighed, "Look, I wasn't sure either of us would be up for traveling a few days ago and I'm glad that you still want to be a part of it. Still, I'm not sure how the tux fitting is going to work..."

"Take some money from savings...and...go. I'll deal."

"How the hell do you go from freaking out to the point that I'm worried about doing a suicide watch to you telling me that you'll 'deal' if I have to go away?"

She glared at him a little and shook her head. "Your daughter doesn't need to hear bad words!"

He sighed, putting his head in his hands. "I'm not leaving."

"You have to get your tux fitted and ordered. The wedding isn't that far away."

"We'll talk about this later, okay?" he said with a soft voice.

Picking up Allison, Bella put her into position to hold her in her favorite way to do so, with her little head resting on Bella's chest. Kissing her daughter's head, she watched Edward stalk into the kitchen. Allison gave a contented sigh and Bella closed her eyes. She needed to come up with a way to get Edward back to his family, if not for the sake of his brother's wedding but for the fact that he deserved the chance to get a break from her.

The waves of darkness that seemed to roll up on her over time had receded for now and she needed to figure things out while she could. With Allison here, it felt like it was time to start ironing things out. Edward was working a steady job. They needed to start planning their own wedding. She needed to consider working. It felt like a lot at once but it also felt like the right thing to do. More than anything, now that she had their daughter, she wanted to have his last name. They were already a family but she wanted everyone to know it.

"Cullen, man, what's been eating you lately? You seem out of it or something. New baby keeping you from getting shut-eye or something?"

"Or something," Edward nodded, grabbing his jacket and heading towards the Caliber. He missed his car but knew the guys at work would give him a rough time if he pulled up in it. Emmett had mentioned looking into getting a truck and Edward was starting to like the idea of having one. He could easily trade in what he had in storage...but even that meant a trip back home.

"Well, what do you say we go grab some breakfast? You can tell me about it."

"Thanks for the offer, Dave," Edward replied to the bearded, middle-aged man, "but I need to get back to check on Bella and the baby."

"That must be hard."

"Having a newborn? I wouldn't say it's a walk in the park but..."

"No. I mean to be with Isabella."

Edward frowned, having never heard any mere acquaintances call his girl Isabella. It struck him as odd that this man would use her full name so casually. "Do you know her?"

"Everyone knows her, man. Shame what happened to her all those years ago. I'm surprised she ended up starting a family after everything that happened. I heard she was raped..."

Realizing his fist was clenched, he took a deep breath. "She's fine. Her name's Bella. She's getting better."

"Did you really meet her when she was a stripper? Heard you saved her life or something. Word is, she wasn't really forced to do it, either. The stripping thing..."

Edward wanted to hit Dave as he rambled on like he was telling him something he didn't already know. It wasn't as if the guy was intentionally being mean but he sure as hell wasn't being very respectful. "Dave, go home. I don't need to hear this."

"Sorry, man. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I just thought maybe you needed someone to talk to about it. I didn't realize who you actually were until you were done with your training and on the regular shift. Andy told me."

"Yeah, well, who else did Andy tell?" Edward asked with a bit of a bite in his tone. He'd heard more than his fair share of rumors concerning him and Bella since he'd been back from paternity leave. Having to listen to a bunch of men-and a few women, go on about his wife and what she'd been through every night wasn't exactly the soundtrack he wanted to listen to while working.

"I...I don't know... Never mind. Honestly, I think what happened to her was awful. Those men should rot in hell. The entire state was pulling for that little girl. I told them, Andy and them, that I didn't think she would have willingly stripped for cash."

Edward's entire body tensed. It had been so long since he'd thrown a punch that his hands literally refused to unclench. The man in front of him was back pedaling a little now. Dave knew he'd said too much and needed to quit talking. Enough was enough. Still, Edward couldn't get himself thrown in jail for assault again and he actually liked his job. Shaking with anger now, he tried to force Allison's little face into his mind to help him remember who he was now.

"Dave, fucking listen to me. My Bella is doing fine. I didn't save her, she saved herself. I've never met a braver woman in my entire life. You tell everyone and anyone who brings her up that she is focusing on being a good mother and that her past is just that. Her past. You can also tell them to keep their opinions of her to themselves. Don't fucking push me on this, Dave."

Dave now looked white as a sheet and had a hand on his own door handle. "Yeah. Sure. I didn't realize it upset you so much. Look, man, we really like you around here. Isa...Bella's kind of a bit of a celebrity after how much time and effort people put in looking for her. We're just glad to have her back."

Edward didn't say anything, just nodded and got into the vehicle. While Dave drove away, Edward punched the dash board and brought his hand away to see a few spots of blood on his knuckles. Taking a deep breath to control himself, he pulled up the picture album he had on his phone and flipped through them, desperately needing to calm down before going home. Of course, the beginning pictures were all of Allison. He'd never taken so many pictures of any one thing in his life. He even had pictures of her sleeping, one of Bella breast-feeding her, which he knew Bella would kill him for if she found out, and a picture of the dog trying to check out the baby while Bella changed her diaper.

The next set of pictures were much older. He was never really a picture-taking guy until his daughter became the focus of the lens. Still, he found pictures from before he even knew Bella. He laughed to himself when a passed out Jasper with writing all over his face came up on the screen. That one was from Jasper's birthday party about a year ago. The next one was of a guitar Rosalie had wanted Emmett to buy him for a Christmas gift-but he'd begged them not to because of the cost so they sent him a picture to show how awesome it was. It was awesome. Still, he didn't want them spending that much.

His breath caught on the next photo. It was of Ally, holding his cousins little girl while still at the hospital. The baby was wrapped in a pink blanket and all he could think about was Alice never getting to hold Allison. In the next picture, Janie popped up, obviously having taken the picture herself by holding the camera away and clicking blindly. He deleted it-wondering when the last time he'd had his phone upgraded. He should have done it when he'd gotten Bella hers but with her having returned, he didn't want to take more time than he had to away from her.

Setting his head back against the seat, he closed his eyes and remembered Ally with the baby. A sick feeling formed in his stomach. He hadn't thought to get a picture of Alice with her son. Clenching his teeth, he tried to control that not-so-dull pain that was tearing through him. It was his sister and his nephew and he should have made sure to document it. She was so sick. He knew she had been in bad shape and yet he'd let it slide.

Turning the phone over and over again in his hand, he called his mom. Of course, the poor woman was half asleep and sounded totally out of it. "Hello? Carlisle, hey, quit snoring! Hello?"

"Mom?" he had no idea why he asked it as a question but it happened and she replied, automatically knowing something seemed wrong.

"Edward?" He could hear shuffling over the phone and a door closing so he figured she went out into the hallway. "Did something happen? Is Bella okay? Is it something with Allison..."

"No. I...do you have any pictures of that day when Alice held Tommy?"

There was a long pause before she replied. "Edward," she said softly, "I have almost a whole album full of pictures from that day. What's this about?"

"I didn't think to get any. I just realized I didn't," he rambled, realizing he was probably just sleep deprived.

"Honey, it's really early in the morning. Where are you?"

"Work."

"Shouldn't you be done by now?"

He looked at the time and realized he'd been sitting there for almost an hour. "Yeah. I'm...going home soon. I got distracted..."

"Edward, I'm worried about you. You sound really strange..."

"I'm just tired, mom."

"Alright. I'll send you some of the pictures tomorrow. Go home and get some sleep, okay?"

Edward pulled up in front of the house and saw Renee pulling on her jacket as she headed down the stairs towards her own car. He cringed. It was a lot later than he usually woke her up. He hoped she'd make it to work on time. She didn't seem too upset or in a hurry, though. In fact, Renee was on her way towards his vehicle with a frown. "You look like hell, kid. You okay?"

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm so late. Are you going to be late for work?"

"No. I have another hour to get there."

Seeing movement at the curtains, he frowned. "She up?"

"Yeah. She's fine, though. Feeding Allison. Did you just get held up at work?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, you should know that she just told me that she didn't think I should spend the night anymore. She wants to try this all out on her own."

"I don't know, Renee..."

"Edward, trust her. She knows what she can handle. I'll still be right up the road and with Allison here, you better believe I'll be visiting plenty enough in the evenings. I have to get going but I'll see you guys soon. Have her call me if she changes her mind and wants me to spend the night again."

After making sure she got into her car okay, he headed inside and found Bella wrapping Allison up in the blanket Bella's grandmother had finished for her. Bella looked at him with a strange expression, as if she was unsure of what was going on. "Where were you?" she finally asked when he bent down to unlace his work boots.

"Work. Things went a little late. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I was just worried about you. Just send me a text or something next time, okay?"

"You could have called me," he reminded her, knowing it came out a little harsher than he'd wanted it to. The last thing he wanted to do was pick a fight with her. He was tired and she looked...sad. Maybe she really was worried about him. Hell, he'd been acting weird all damn night so it didn't surprise him that she'd picked up on it now. When she didn't respond to him he shook his head. "Bells, I'm sorry. I know you're worried but I'm fine. I'm going to jump in the shower and get some sleep."

He felt her gaze on him as he headed for the bathroom, not bothering to go upstairs and get clean clothes first. He really didn't know why he felt so on edge and he definitely didn't understand why he was being the way he was with Bella. She wasn't trying to fight with him. She wasn't nagging at him or being demanding. She had just asked him to send her a simple message if he would be running late. He hurried through his shower to find her on the phone again. Allison was in her swing, seemingly trying to fit her entire fist in her mouth.

He smiled at her before unbuckling his daughter and carrying her upstairs with him. She made little baby sounds and tried to grab onto his chest with one of her tiny hands. He wasn't wearing a shirt so there wasn't much for her to get a grip on. After laying her gently on the bed while he dropped his towel and threw on a pair of sweatpants, Bella came in with Diesel following behind her. "That was your mom. She wanted to know that you made it home okay."

"Oh," he said, reclaiming the baby and propping himself up against the headboard. Bella had her arms crossed and her face was clearly letting on that she was suspicious.

"Edward, what's going on? Really?"

"I'm just having a bad day is all. It's not something to worry about. I was thinking about Ally so I called mom before coming home."

"I'm doing better," she said like she was hinting at something.

He knew what she was hinting at but the idea still scared him. Even with Bella's issues aside, Allison was still so little. The idea of leaving either of them made him want to die a little and if he had to leave both of them, he had no idea how the hell he'd cope. "You are."

"So, why don't you go visit..."

Edward listened as the words came out soft and slow. She was definitely trying to convince him. Allison wriggled and got his attention before he looked back to Bella. "No."

Shaking her head, she turned and left the room before he heard her groan and turn back around. It was obvious that she decided not to give up on this. "Edward, they are your family. It will only take one day to go down there and then you can be back the next. One night. Is it me? Is that what this is about because I am doing so much better..."

"It isn't you. I'm not ready to leave yet."

"Well, then find a tailor who'd be willing to give you your measurements to call in to the tux place that Emmett picked out. At least do that much."

"I'll try to handle it this weekend. Why are you so hung up on this?" he asked distractedly, playing with his daughter's little fingers.

"It's your _brother's_ wedding. You're the best man. Why _aren't _you hung up on this?"

"Allison is too little for me to leave her. Let it go."

"Let it go? You're telling me to let it go? No. You know what? You're tired. We never fight like this..."

"Who said we're fighting?"

She looked down at the floor, shaking her head again. After a long moment, she walked over towards him. "Here, let me take Allison so that you can get some rest. You've been up for a long time and..."

"I'm not fucking tired," Edward blurted, immediately hearing the tone in his voice that made him sound like a total dick. Bella looked like he had just slapped her. He wondered who else he could possibly upset tonight-so far he was pretty damn good at it. Self loathing hit him and he wished for the millionth time that he could call and talk to Ally. He just felt...angry.

With her fists clenched, she leaned on the bed and looked him in the eye. It was quite apparent that she was angry now as well. "Edward, you are holding your infant daughter. You say whatever the heck you want to me but if you're going to act like this you keep that anger away from her. I don't know why you are so upset at the world tonight. I know you're tired and I know you're a bit stressed but you cannot act like this with her. Do you understand me? Edward, if I can keep myself together for her, you need to do the same!"

He couldn't meet her hard gaze so he looked away, feeling like a coward. Still, he refused to give Allison to her. Looking down, he wondered what Alice would say if she caught him acting like this. She'd probably tell him to man the fuck up-and slap him upside the head.

"Edward," Bella's voice softened, "I get that I kind of suck sometimes because of the whole anxiety thing and the depression... It's okay if once in awhile you feel the same way but I've never seen you this...angry before. That's how you look. You look angry. It just worries me because I know how you could be before we met and Allison is...breakable."

He was okay with what she was saying, genuinely trying to reign himself in-until she finished her last sentence. "How fucking dare you?" Diesel growled from across the room, clearly not happy with Edward's tone.

"Edward, quit it with the f-word!" she exclaimed, causing Allison to fuss. Diesel let out a low bark.

"I'm the one who took care of her while you were wallowing in the past!"

"I pulled myself out of it long enough to feed her and I was still helping you change her and bathe her..."

"Well, it doesn't look like I'm doing anything to harm her. You couldn't have done that without me and you know it. I can take care of my daughter even when I'm upset. _I _could do it on my own!"

He waited for Bella to respond with something about him not being able to feed her himself but then he realized he'd gone to far. He felt sick as she backed away from him and turned to head out the door, her dog close on her heels. As if Alice were up there watching over him, and slapping some sense into him, the anger was replaced with frustration, which gave way to guilt. Allison was whimpering now and he looked from her to the bedroom door. It took him a few minutes to find his voice and comfort his daughter.

**Sorry it's a day late. I'm trying to figure out how to start wrapping things up with this story...it's starting to get...I don't even know how to describe it! lol My next story, Our Place Upon the Ashes, will be launched soon-I hope. It's my favorite story I've written so far. On a good note, I got the job I was hoping for and that's part of the reason for the late update tonight. I might switch update days to Wednesday or Thursday but we'll deal with that when the time comes. (I started taking a writing class on Mondays.) Check out Let's Roll, a o/s I posted in remembrance of 9/11. **

**Thank you for your support! I hope it continues! Love, Letzy xx**


	47. Chapter 47

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**All mistakes are completely my own on this one. Nessie has been busy trying to tame the beast that is Part 3 of my other story. (It's about four times as long as a regular chapter of mine.) I her big!**

**Chapter 47**

**Pulling an Esme**

**Part 1**

"I'm sorry, Allison. Daddy's sorry." Exhaustion seemed to wash over him and he wanted so badly to close his eyes. Now, though, he had a crying infant in his arms and a pissed off fiance. Forcing himself off the bed, he found Bella rocking furiously in the nursery's glider. Diesel growled again when Edward walked in. "Bella, I didn't mean to..."

"Give me our daughter and go to sleep. We'll talk about it when you get up," she spit out. He noticed there were tears in her eyes.

"Bells..."

"Don't. Please, just go to bed."

Knowing he wasn't going to be able to win this due to lack of sleep and a stubborn opponent, he kissed Allison as tenderly as he could and handed her to Bella before kissing Bella's forehead as well. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'll be up in a few hours and we'll talk. I'm...sorry." Bella just nodded and slowed down her furious pace on the glider to accommodate little Allison.

They didn't talk, though. Not really. He got up around three, an hour later than normal, and found Bella in the yard with Allison and Diesel. He grabbed a late lunch while they played and thought of what he wanted to say but by the time he had what he thought was an okay apology figured out, Charlie stopped by and invited them to supper at their place. Supper was had and Diesel eased up on him but there was still a lot left unsaid. By the time they made it home, Bella was obviously tired and Allison was being cranky. He bathed her while Bella took Diesel for his walk but his daughter still wasn't anywhere near wanting to sleep when Bella got back.

Needless to say, he left for work before he could really talk to her and she seemed to be dodging him anyway. She was on the phone with who he assumed was Tyler a lot, sending texts, and just trying to calm their fussy baby. He was bone tired from all the mental turmoil he was going through due to the guilt he felt for how he had treated Bella. Renee hadn't stayed that night and he was proud of Bella but she had left him a note that she was meeting her dad for breakfast and she would be home soon with Allison. Defeated, he climbed up the stairs and collapsed into bed.

When he heard voices downstairs later that afternoon, he decided enough was enough. He was going to talk to her now before they could be interrupted again. Only there was a _big_ interruption this time. He stood on the stairs, completely in shock over who was standing in his living room. Bella seemed to have pulled an Esme and sprung an unexpected visitor on him. Edward was floored.

"Jazz?" Edward blurted before taking in a much older Tommy, who Bella was holding. Jasper was occupied with Allison.

"Hey, man. Did you get some rest?" his friend asked with an easy smile.

"What are you doing here?" he blurted in response, forgetting the question.

"Bella called and said you needed some company. Gee, Cullen, you made a cute kid..."

"I...I didn't know... When did you decide to come down?"

"Well, we were going to wait until next weekend but Bella called me yesterday and offered to change the flight if I could get off work."

"I thought you didn't have the money..."

"Bells, um, she took care of it," Jasper said with a frown. "I told her that she didn't have to do that but she insisted. Besides, I wanted to meet my niece and I thought it was past time you saw your nephew."

"He's so big," Edward smiled, walking over to Bella to push the bronze hair that matched his own off the little boy's forehead.

"Big and bad," Jasper replied with a smile.

Bella obligingly handed Tommy to him, the little guy was sound asleep and he loved feeling the little boy cuddle into him. "I'll go let my dad know we're home. When mom gets off work she, dad, and I are going to take the babies with us to dinner and you two can have some man time before you have to go to work."

"How long are you guys here for?" Edward asked, looking to Jasper.

"We leave Thursday night."

Shaking his head with a smile plastered to his face, he couldn't help but be happy. As surprised as he was, this was a huge thing Bella had done for him and he immediately felt guilt shred his heart yet again. He wanted to walk over to Bella, to kiss her hard, to drop to his knees and apologize for the way he was acting-for the way he treated her. Instead, he just held tightly to his nephew and watched his best friend holding his daughter.

The four of them spent the next couple hours talking about everything from Jasper's job to Allison's birth but Edward intentionally tried to keep out of discussion of what was going on back home and what Bella went through after giving birth. He really didn't know how it was going to work with his bother's wedding and he didn't want to hurt her more by mentioning those difficult days after Allison's arrival. Anxiously, the two daddy's helped Bella get the two baby's into the backseat of her parent's car and after Edward gave her a kiss and whispered that they needed to talk later, they watched the group leave for dinner.

"Wow, man. This place is great. Really. Bella...she seems happier."

"Much happier after the situation we had after Allison was born..."

"Why didn't you call me? I would have made it more of a point to come out with everyone else."

"I did. I called you when she was born..."

"That's not what I mean. I mean when Bella was having problems."

"She wasn't," Edward relented, running a hand through his hair. "She was a fucking trooper during delivery and it wasn't until the next day when everyone was already here that she just...completely fell apart. I thought we had gotten past all that and then she starts talking about not being good enough for me and she basically told me she was thinking about...ending... That she didn't want to be here anymore..."

Jasper tried not to cringe but Edward saw it. He knew Edward couldn't even bring himself to say that his fiance had wanted to kill herself. "Well, thank God, she seems much better now. She's great with Allison."

"Yeah. She's wonderful with her. The woman was meant to be a mom. She just had to stop letting her past interfere."

"Well, what about you? Why are you being an asshole?"

That one caught Edward off-guard. "What..."

"Don't even. I know something is going on. I spoke with Bella a couple days ago when she sent me some pictures of Allison. Then, when Esme stopped to pick up Tommy so I could take some time to finish up extra work and get here early, she said she was happy I was going because you sounded off-kilter. Now, when I got here, Bella was asking me questions about what she should do when you lose your temper. I've seen you lose your temper, man. It's never good."

"I'm not abusive, Jazz. I wouldn't hurt _her_." Edward almost choked on the words but spoke of Bella like he'd possibly hurt someone else if they deserved it-but never her.

"I didn't say you were. Honestly, though, do you mean to tell me you don't think anything is wrong?" Jasper asked with a raised eyebrow and a come-on-man look.

"I don't know why I'm angry. I just am. It's not Bella. It has nothing to do with her." An even sicker thought hit him. "Jesus, Jazz, is she afraid of me?"

Jasper spoke calmly, bending down to pet Diesel who was standing beside them outside and obviously riled up because Bella left. The dog, strangely, wasn't threatened or upset by the fact that Jasper was there. "Edward, I don't think she is. She just sounded like she needed some advice on dealing with your stupid ass when you get mad. I've seen her defend you when the Janie situation gets brought up. I highly doubt she'd do so if she didn't firmly believe that it was impossible that you did hurt your ex. Bella trusts you. Edward, even when I was with her today, she seemed kind of reserved and a little paranoid. That girl doesn't trust_ anyone _but you."

"She does trust some people. Her mom and dad..."

"They're her parents," Jasper pointed out. "I heard she's a little afraid of Carlisle still."

"She is but I can't blame her for that one after the shit he got himself into."

"Emmett?" Jasper inquired, a little to close to getting the point across than Edward was comfortable with.

"She's...coming around with him," Edward said sheepishly.

"Either way, you're the only person...besides maybe her mom and dad...who she trusts completely and that says something. From what you told me and what I've seen first-hand, Bella's survival response is always flight. She takes off when she gets too scared or even when a situation comes up that she's not comfortable being a part of. If she was afraid of you, especially after what she went through with other men _actually_ abusing her, do you really think she'd stick around?"

"She has Allison. Things are different now."

"So, if she thought you were verbally abusing her and could lash out at her physically, she wouldn't take her daughter and run?"

The thought nearly brought him to his knees as his stomach rolled. "Jasper, stop. Seriously. I can't...I can't consider even hurting her let alone her leaving me and taking our baby...I just can't. I have no idea how we got this far with this conversation but I would never hurt her and I sure as hell wouldn't even want to try and scare her. This is getting blown way out of proportion."

"I know you wouldn't want to hurt her. The question is whether or not you have control of yourself enough not to."

"Fuck you," Edward spit at him. "She's the only person I fucking care about this fucking much! You don't know what it's like to watch Bella struggle every day...granted she'd been doing better but still...and then having my mom bugging me and asking if I'm watching over her enough and having a new baby to care for and trying to figure out how to make Bella feel comfortable so she can walk the aisle for my brother's fucking wedding when I know she's going to be terrified of all the people and now I don't have anyone to vent any of this to because...because..."

"Say it," Jasper whispered. "Go ahead."

"Because she's fucking dead! Alice is dead and she's not here to talk to!" Edward blurted, immediately regretting doing so. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, man. I just miss her. I miss her, too, ya know?"

"I know. I think you need to see someone, though. I know Alice was always kind of your rock."

"How do you do this? How the hell do you stand missing her? I know you love her. I know you're hurting. To lose Bella... I couldn't have done it," Edward rambled on, gravel in his voice. He wasn't saying it to be mean but he hoped Jasper had a cure for the pain.

"I don't, man," his friend replied, wiping tears away from his own eyes. "I just do what I have to do to care for our Tommy and it's a struggle every damn day. I see a therapist twice a week."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It used to be three times a week. He's a good guy. He doesn't judge me for crying like a baby when I lose it. Like this. In your yard where your neighbors can see us," Jasper replied with a small smile. "You should really talk to someone who can help you with your anger. I know it's been hard on you since Alice... Still, the subjects about Bella, such as the wedding, should be discussed with her. Bella asked me if I had my tux because she didn't know when you'd commit to go get yours. Does she even know that you're _this_ worried about it _just_ because of her?"

"No," Edward stubbornly, knowing it was kind of ridiculous.

"I think you two have a lot of talking to do. By the way, when I said 'we' were leaving Thursday night, that included you."

"Woah. What are you talking about?"

"The tux fitting needs done but I think it would help you if you were around family for a little while."

"Allison is too young to fly and..." Edward began shaking his head.

"It's just you. Bella's going to stay here. I think she's planning for you to be gone until Saturday night since you have work Sunday night."

"I can't leave her right now. Are you insane?"

"She'll be fine."

"You don't know that!" Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he felt his friend grab his arm.

"Wait. Who are you calling?"

"Bella! Why the fuck would she think this is a good idea?"

"How do you know it's not?"

"She wanted to fucking die, Jasper! Do you know terrifying that is? Do you know what that feels like? How can I possibly leave her by herself for that long right now?"

"You don't trust her," his friend responded quietly.

Dropping his phone to his side, Edward stared straight ahead for a few seconds before shaking his head. "I don't want to lose her, Jazz," he whispered.

"I know. I don't think that you will. I also don't think you should short change yourself and assume she's sticking around for her daughter, man. That girl loves you. You've done so much for her."

The next morning when Edward got off work, Bella was just putting Allison into her swing while she made breakfast for herself, Jasper, and Tommy. That breakfast included freezer waffles but she had already warned Jasper that she couldn't really cook. Jasper carried Tommy in and handed him to Bella, who was holding her arms out for him. "Morning, Bells. His diaper has been changed but he's a little fussy..."

Jasper kissed his son on the forehead before Bella kissed the little boy as well. Laughing, he told her he liked her hair-which was currently puffed out in all directions as she hadn't gotten to tame it yet from tossing and turning the night before. She laughed in response, ruffling Tommy's hair and turning back to take the last two waffles out of the toaster

"Edward, hey," she heard Jasper say. Spinning around, she found a dirt covered Edward who looked exhausted...and...unhappy.

"Morning, baby," she smiled, shifting Tommy a little.

"I'm going to shower."

With that he was gone and she turned to see Jasper who now carried a frown. "I'll go talk to him."

"Jazz, I hate this. I'm telling you. He isn't acting like himself..."

By the time Jasper came back, he looked a little haggard but took Tommy from her and settled himself into a seat at the table. "He won't talk to me."

A tear slid down Bella's cheek and she shook her head. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize for him. He knows he's being an idiot."

"I'll talk to him before you guys leave tonight. Let him get some sleep and then I'll talk to him. Actually, after breakfast, I'm going to start getting things packed for him. I have to throw in a load of whites so I actually have clothes to pack..."

"I'll keep an eye on Allison for you."

"He needs a break, Jazz. That's what this is about. I've pushed him too far."

Bella crept into the bedroom, throwing some dirty clothes into a basket to take down and wash. Edward worried her. She so badly wanted to just crawl into bed with him and let him know that she was there. She didn't understand why he wouldn't talk to Jasper or why he seemed so upset with both of them. She didn't understand why he didn't even go over to see his daughter. More tears came when she realized that her problems had probably led to his. It broke her heart to feel once again that he deserved better than her.

Setting the basket beside her, she plopped down and put her head in her hands. Her hair was still a mess, she was still in her baggy t-shirt and sweatpants and now her eyes would be swollen as she couldn't stop the tears again. She refused to break down completely, refused to give in to the fear and self-hatred. Still, she was frustrated and tired and wanting the man who loved her to come back. Now, she had a bitter shell of him.

"Help me, Ally," she whispered, looking up to the darkened ceiling.

Grabbing the basket, she quietly crept back out of the room and down to the basement. It wasn't until a little later when she was pulling them from the dryer and folding them neatly that she heard him making his way down towards her. "I'll be up in a minute. I just have to get these all out so that I can get him packed up to leave. He should be awake in about an hour or so..."

"Bella, it's me."

Looking over her shoulder, she swallowed hard and for the first time in she couldn't remember how long, she didn't know what to say to him. "What do you need?"

"I'm not going back with Jasper." Continuing to fold, she didn't turn around and stayed silent for lack of things to say. "Bells, look at me."

Turning around, she looked up and saw how ragged he looked. "You should go try to get some more rest..."

"We need to talk."

"You need to go back with him, Edward. You need...I don't know what you need. Whatever it is, it isn't here with me."

"You're my family..."

Those three words broke through her frustrated resolve. Looking down at the floor and shaking her head, she desperately tried to figure out what to say. Before she knew it, she asked the question that had been bothering her for a long time. "What did I do?"

He looked taken aback and stricken. "Nothing. This isn't about you."

"You were never like this with me before. You put up with me when anyone else would have pushed me aside and forgotten about me. Why are you so angry with your life now? Edward, you told me you like working. I already know you love Allison. You've been spending a lot of time with your mom, you were glad that your dad left and Jazz is here to visit. You're even going back to visit your family this weekend. Still, you won't even talk to Jazz after whatever it was that set you off this morning. That leaves me. I never asked for any of this. You came up with the plan to move out here with my parents. I'm happy that you did but I never asked you to do it. I didn't give you an ultimatum..."

"You two looked...right...together," Edward interrupted with a strained voice.

Confused, Bella frowned. "What are you talking about? I looked right with who?"

"Jazz," he stated simply with a shrug.

"Edward, what the hell are you talking about?" Bella didn't expect for it to come out as demanding as it sounded.

"I came in this morning and heard you two laughing and saw how Tommy was and how happy you were and I guess I over-reacted. I'm sorry."

Raising an eyebrow, Bella took a few seconds to wrap her head around what he was trying to say. "Why would you even think something like that? I'm marrying you. You fathered my child. You're my entire world..."

"Where's your ring?" he asked quietly.

Looking down at her bare hand, she shook her head. "No. Edward, this isn't what it seems. I took it off when I was changing Allison this morning. She moves around a lot and I didn't want it to cut her..."

"I don't know what to do, Bella. I'm making you unhappy. My...anger...or whatever is going on is ruining things for you. I don't want that. You're doing so well and now you're upset again and it's because of me..."

"Edward, listen to me. You need sleep. You're exhausted..."

"I love you. I just need to know that this is what is best for you..."

"Do you hear yourself? You sound like you're drunk!"

"Bella, how can you possibly know what you want? You've been so caught up in the past that I can't see how you could possibly know for sure that you want me for your future?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she closed her eyes. "I don't want to hear this."

"Because it's true!"

His words were tearing her a part. _What the hell is he trying to say? _"So what? You have a bad couple of days and suddenly you think that you're not good enough for me? Was this about you or was this about me? Was this pity for the poor, abused, emotionally fucked up girl? Now that you think I'm fixed, you don't feel the need to be around me? What? Did you complete your good deed and now you're ready to move on."

"Bella, no. Never..."

"Fuck you," she spit out.

Grabbing the basket from off the dryer, she pushed passed him and went up to their bedroom. Practically throwing the basket on the floor, she pulled a large duffel bag from the closet and tossed it in frustration onto the bed. Thankful that Jasper was there to keep Allison and Tommy entertained, he could tell by the look on her face when she passed him with the basket that something was wrong, she started to pack for Edward. With every article of clothing that went in, she fought back the bile that was rising in her stomach.

"Bella! Baby, please don't leave..." his voice sounded on the stairs and carried into the bedroom. She dropped the pair of jeans she was holding and turned to see him stride into the room. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Bella, please..."

Grabbing the bag from the bed, she tossed it into his chest. "Does it look like this is for me?"

"I'm not okay with leaving. You can't make someone just get on a plane and leave!"

Her face scrunched up in emotional pain, she swallowed hard and stepped back from him. "I trusted you. I fucking trusted you!"

"What?" he looked confused now and that just added fuel to her the veins that were already on fire.

"How can you say one thing and do another? How can you say you don't think we should be together but then you beg me not to leave and tell me you don't want to go. How? I'm so fucking confused and it fucking hurts, Edward! I never let anyone in the way I did you and now you're willing to stand there and act like I don't know what I want? I am doing well. I'm happy again. Or at least I was. Now, it's you that's hurting me!"

"I've never done anything...I've gotten mad but...Christ, Bella, you make me sound like you feel the same way towards me than you do to those men!"

"I know you've never hurt my physically but... I hear Allison. She's probably hungry."

Going to her daughter, needing to get her head straight before finishing their discussion anyway, she found Jasper carrying her up. "I tried to calm her down but I think she's hungry..."

"Thanks, Jazz. I'm sorry about all this."

Carrying Allison back upstairs, Bella walked into the nursery and for the first time since Allison was born, she locked the nursery door behind them. Guilt tore at Bella when she heard the knob jiggle not two minutes later. Letting her tears come, she fed her daughter and listened to footsteps go down the steps. A bark from Diesel and the front door shutting was the last thing she heard. _How had a good deed to get him to go see his family turned into this? Where did he go? Did he take the dog for a walk or did he simply walk out?_

**The next chapter is going to be pretty long and involves a nice trip home for Edward-that of course will bring on plenty of drama. (When isn't their drama between Carlisle and his angry son?) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. X-NessieCullen-X and I have finally edited Part 3 of Moment of Truth, You Bleed Just to Know You're Alive, will be posted sometime this week! **

**See you next week! Love, Letzy xx**


	48. Chapter 48

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**All mistakes are completely my own on this one. Nessie and I have been busy preparing to release a new story, Our Place Upon the Ashes, and so we'll be teaming back up to bring you that very, very soon. Like, hopefully sometime this week. Fingers crossed that it happens!**

**Chapter 48**

**Pulling an Esme **

**Part II**

One step at a time, Bella made her way down to the living room. She couldn't bring herself to check out the bedroom, if his bag was gone, she would surely lose it. Jasper was playing with Tommy in the living room while Baby Einstein droned on in the background, it was so rare for them to watch TV, she wondered if they ever even used the DVD player before now. "Did he say anything?" she asked quietly.

"No."

Diesel came up to her and put his snout into her hand. She reached down to pet him. "You guys have to leave in a few hours."

"I know."

"Bella, I think you need to get him to call Pete. He talked to him a lot about the Janie situation and I think it would help him."

"I can't get him to do anything," she relented, leaning against the wall. Closing her eyes, all she thought of was her daughter looking up at her with the eyes of her father. _There is no way this is going to end us. Still, what am I supposed to do? I can't...deal...without him._

"Is Allison a good sleeper?"

"When she wants to be," Bella smiled slightly, no matter what the situation was, just thinking about her daughter made her happy.

"Go talk to him. I'll keep an eye on things here. As long as you promise to be back before she needs to eat again."

With a defeated expression she nodded and grabbed the leash for Diesel. Thankfully, the car wasn't gone so Bella began her journey towards the park. Only one person bothered her and it was to tell her they were glad she was home. By the time they got the whole way there, though, she became worried that _he_ wouldn't be there. Then, self-doubt and fear hit, only this time it wasn't about her past. _Is it okay for me to leave Allison already? She's too small..._

Feeling guilty and wondering if she was completely a bad mother, she decided to turn around and head back. There was no sign of Edward and she didn't feel that it was fair to Allison that she would be walked away from just because her parent's were having an argument. Even Diesel noticed the strange, quick pace she had taken up but it wasn't until she was walking back into her yard that she saw him walking across the street towards her. He was coming from the opposite direction.

"We need help," she blurted before he had made it close enough to hug her. When he did hug her, it about knocked the wind out of her lungs.

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I don't know how it got to this. I never wanted to fight with you."

"I shouldn't have locked the door."

"I shouldn't have walked out."

"What the hell happened to us, Edward? I'm so scared that now that I'm not struggling so much, you'll starting to not care about any of this. I still need you. I'm not completely okay. You're the only reason I'm living this wonderful life. You gave me Allison. I've never been this happy before. Ever. Even before the abduction!"

"Bella, this isn't about your past. You are doing better and that makes me want to be a part of your life even more. I love you. That's what it comes down to."

It wasn't what she was expecting to hear him say and she wished she had the words to describe how she was feeling. After a long moment of silence, she kissed his neck and pulled away. "I don't want to do this without you. I've quit running. I'm trying to put my past behind me. I need to know that you aren't going to walk away from this because I don't know how to cope when you aren't beside me!"

Bella looked down to see Diesel looking to Edward as if waiting for a response as well. "I'm not going anywhere. There are two girls that completely have my heart. I don't know why I get so...mad sometimes. This wasn't because of you. I made it about you and that wasn't fair. I just feel kind of...lost. I want to know that we're on the same page about everything. I want to know that you've had the opportunity to not feel stuck with _me_. I want you to be happy for the rest of your life. This is your chance to be independent and do what you want."

"I'm only doing so well because of you. If it wasn't for you and Allison, I wouldn't be okay at all. I live for you two."

A smile crossed Edward's face before he sighed and nodded. "I just don't want to force your hand at anything, baby. I want you happy."

"Alright, how about this? You go away for the weekend. We both think about what we want for our future and when you come home, we'll sit down and talk about all of it. I promise, though, that I'm very much in love with you and the idea of being without you hurts."

"I'm sorry. There's just so much that I wanted to do... I wanted to sing to Allison and I'm not even sure where my guitar is... It might sound stupid to want to do simple things like that but it means a lot to me. Everything just happened so quickly and then you...crashed. I didn't know how to handle all of it and then my mom was still here and my family came and then dad showed up...it's just been a lot to deal with."

"Well, there's the first thing for your list for the future, sing to your daughter. I'll work on figuring out where the guitar is while you're gone. I bet it's in the basement..."

"Bells, I'm really nervous about going away right now. I had so much trouble leaving you back in November and even then you were living with your parents when I was gone over night. The thought of going away for longer and you being here by yourself is terrifying. Allison is so tiny, Bella. If something happens with her, if she gets sick or something, I'll never make it back that quick to be there for you guys..."

Self-doubt hit her again and she looked away from him. "Nothing's going to happen. I realize that what I said to you when I kind of fell a part was horrible and unfair. I mean, I never would have done it... not really. It wasn't something you needed to hear."

"It's not just about that. She's really little yet. Babies get sick. It scares me sometimes..."

"Edward, I would go through my own personal hell to make sure that she is cared for. If Annie told me when she was first born that she needed to see a doctor that day, I swear to you I would have made it happen. I've never loved anyone or anything more than her in my entire life. If she gets sick, God forbid even hospital sick, I would take her in a heartbeat if I needed to. I'm not going to do anything stupid to myself and I would never hurt her. Please believe that."

"I do. I'm sorry. I'm just worried about it."

"Well, all this talk about her is making me nervous. I really want to go in and check on her."

"One more thing. Jazz told me I should talk to you and I kind of think it should be discussed before I leave. I want you to be as honest as possible with me, Bella. I'm serious. Are you sure that being in a wedding, in front of a group of people that big, is going to be a good thing for you?"

Bella thought about it for a while, giving it a lot of thought, before nodding. "I want to do this. I want to be able to stand in front of people and be there for your family. I want to be the one on your arm that day. Rose told me that she considered pairing you with someone else if I couldn't deal with it but just the thought of it kind of makes me sick..."

"You're not doing this because of that, though. At least not totally, right? Bella, I don't want you under that kind of stress because of me. Em isn't going to be mad at me for not walking. He'll understand."

"I _want _to do this. I think it could be fun. Besides, he's your brother. You really should be there for him."

"Your mental state is more important to me than being in a tux and cheering on my brother. I can do that without us being in the actual wedding. Bella, I refuse to be the reason you slip back into where ever it was that you ended up a few weeks ago. I won't do that to you."

"Then you need to trust me when I can say that I'll be okay."

After a long apology to Jasper and playfully arguing with Bella to let him pack his own stuff, Edward picked up his infant daughter and headed up to the nursery. He wanted to be alone with her for a few minutes. The tiny girl stared up at him with wide eyes. Kissing her forehead, he thought about everything he and Bella had been through to get this little one to be a part of their lives. If Bella hadn't let him in, and she hadn't let anyone into her life completely before he came along, they never would have been together at all.

She wouldn't have trusted him enough to allow him to sleep with her-if that's what you wanted to call the hookups that took place in the beginning. Had it not been for those trysts that still brought him guilt, the tiny girl that resembled both Bella and him both wouldn't exist. Allison was perfect, the perfect balance of both of them and he loved her so much that it hurt. To think that less than a year ago he hadn't even thought about wanting a baby much less planned to become a father.

"Peanut, you gotta be a good girl for Momma while I'm gone. I'll be home before you know it but your daddy is scared to be so far from you two. I love you so much, Peanut. I'm sorry I get so angry. I just get worried and scared and...I get mad. I'm going to fix this though. You and Momma deserve better than that, Ally."

He quit talking immediately, surprised with himself for what he'd just said. It was the first time he had used his little sister's nickname for his daughter. It didn't feel right. Still, it had just come out as he had let his feelings go. Alice would have been there to talk to and it just felt natural to say it. Now, though, he knew it didn't fit. Allison was not Alice. She was a newborn and therefore she didn't need to be his support system. She should _never _have to be.

Knocking on the door got his attention and when Bella peered in, she gave a wide smile before realizing she was gawking at them and cleared her throat. "If you guys don't go soon, you'll miss your flight," she said softly, walking over to stand beside them.

"I don't like this," he relented with a sigh.

Bella rested her hand on his shoulder and kissed him. "I know you don't but I promise we'll be fine. Go have some fun with your family. Maybe you and Jazz could even stop by the North Pole and tell everyone I said hello. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You just told the man you're going to marry that he should stop in at a strip club," Edward couldn't help but laugh a little at that.

"I know you wouldn't try anything," Bella replied, rolling her eyes. "Besides, Ty would tell me if he caught you doing something you shouldn't be. I think he and James would like to see you."

Kissing Allison one more time, he reluctantly handed her over and stood up. Bella showed him what all she packed for him and told him there were some hotdogs downstairs to eat before he left. Jasper was already at the table. "Bells, are you sure you don't want your mom to come and stay with you?" he asked, sliding into a chair.

"I'll be okay."

Edward just nodded with a sigh and made up a plate. Kissing Bella goodbye was possibly the hardest part. He knew that his mom wanted him to go with her to Ally's grave and he wasn't sure of how he was going to handle that. It was a hundred times worse when he had realized he'd have to do it without Bella there for support. They had both decided that Bella would just drop them off at the airport. Edward worried about her being in the packed airport by herself as her parents were planning to attend a benefit later that night.

An attendant came to take their luggage and Jasper made sure he kept Tommy's diaper bag as the carry-on before Edward kissed Bella and Allison each one more time. "Edward, man, come on," Jasper teased. "You'll be back before you know it. Bells, give us a call if you need something."

"Thanks, Jazz," Bella smiled a sad smile and gave him a hug.

As the three boys headed through to get checked in, Edward prayed that all would go well. It was like a test to see if she really was starting to heal. He had heard tons of stories about women having trouble leaving their babies and wondered if it was normal for a man to feel so torn up about being away from his newborn daughter. Deciding it didn't matter, that he had to think positively or else this trip was going to be a weekend of hell, he sat back in his seat and laughed as Tommy gave the loudest burp he'd ever heard. He'd miss his girls but it was kind of nice to be out with the boys.

The next day, Jasper drove the three of them over to Esme and Carlisle's for lunch and after discussions about the wedding, they went with Edward to get his tux fitted. Knowing Rosalie would have not just Emmett's balls but Edward's as well, he chose to call just Jasper on Saturday night to make a certain trip. They decided to take up Bella's offer and go visit the North Pole. It was early enough that the place was just opening but a lot of the girls were already there and Tyler gave them a huge smile when they walked in the door. "Is Bella with you?" he asked, looking behind the guys.

"No. She's back home in Forks with Allison. The baby's too young yet to fly. Neither of us are comfortable with it."

"Can't blame you on that one. We just miss her is all. Can't wait to meet that little one, either."

"She's amazing...Allison that is. Bella is too, though. I'm a lucky guy."

"Well, have a seat whereever. James should be here soon. I'll grab you guys a pitcher a beer."

"Thanks, man," Edward called after him as they took a seat at Edward's usual table. It was the early shift of girls and Edward didn't recognize all of them. Being that there were only three other guys at another table in the whole club, Jasper and Edward were taken care of quickly and were even offered private dances. Edward kindly turned them down like he used to when Bella worked there and Jasper just shook his head and looked away from them. Edward smiled. His friend was nervous.

"Relax, Jazz. Just be respectful and they'll leave you alone. I'm sure most of them remember me from when Bella was here."

"Yeah. Unlike you, though, I don't have a good excuse. You're fiance would be pissed but I..."

Cringing, Edward realized what Jasper was trying to say. There was no living girl in Jasper's life anymore. Still, it seemed as though Ally was filling that void even if she wasn't there physically. "Man, look, I won't be weird about you messing around. I...I know you still love Ally. That doesn't mean you have to be alone for the rest of your life."

"I just...I'm not ready yet. Maybe someday but not now."

"Alright," Edward relented, holding his hands up and promising to back off.

"Edward!" A familiar, female voice called to him and he turned to see Tanya Denali swaying her way across the floor. "It's been forever! I thought you fell off the face of the earth..."

"Nope. I just moved out to Forks to be closer to Bella and her family," Edward said matter-of-factly.

"That's what your mom said," Tanya nodded. "Still, it's nice to see you back."

"Do you remember Jasper Whitlock?"

"Jazz? Holy shit, I didn't even recognize you! What have you been up to?"

"Well...I'm a dad." Jasper smiled his first genuine smile since walking into the place.

"Do you still live around here? Who's the lucky lady?"

There went the smile. Edward knew everyone knew about Alice, at least the girls that worked there did because of Bella being a coworker as everything was going on. "It was Ally," Edward answered for his friend.

Tanya froze, her whole face turning red. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize... I bet your little one is adorable."

"He is. His name is Thomas."

"What about you, Daddy?" Tanya asked, turning to Edward. He didn't feel particularly comfortable with the tone of her voice.

"Allison Marie Cullen is safe and sound at home with her mommy. Bella and I are engaged now, so..."

"Oh. I guess I should have figured you would ask her since you got her pregnant and all..." Tanya said with a slight sneer to her voice.

"I asked her because I love her. Even if Allison wasn't in the picture, we'd probably still be getting married here soon."

"Well, I hope everything works out for you guys. How long are you here for?"

"Not long. I came in to help Emmett out a little with their wedding."

Giving a playful sigh, she shook her head. "Both Cullen brothers have been snatched up..."

"You had your chance with Emmett."

"I never got a chance with you. You might have liked what I had to offer." She said it with a raised eyebrow before turning to walk back to the stage. As she headed up towards the pole, Edward looked over at Jasper who was watching Tanya with a frown.

"She always like this with you?"

"Yup."

"There he is!" James patted him on the arm and brought over another pitcher of beer and three cigars. "It's nice to have a reason to celebrate once in a while. How's mom and baby? Both healthy I hope."

"They're both great. We had a little hiccup right after Allison was born but Bella pulled through it and we're all good and happy. They really are amazing."

"Do you have a lighter?" James asked absently, patting his own pockets.

"No," Edward replied, instinctively checking his.

Jasper raised an eyebrow and looked over to Edward in shock. "You don't have a lighter? You don't smoke at all anymore?"

"Um, no. I quit smoking after we moved to Forks. It's fucking freezing there and I didn't want to smoke in the house around Bella when she was pregnant-not that Bella would have let me anyway. So, I quit."

"Cold turkey?" James inquired.

"No," laughed Edward, shaking his head like that was the craziest thing in the world. "I chewed the gum stuff and used the patch. It took me about a month and a half to be able to not have any nicotine in my system. I definitely had my moments but I wasn't too grumpy. We were so focused on getting the house ready for Allison that Bella and I had our own projects to work on."

"Well, I'll go find us a lighter and we can light these up."

Sunday was his last day there and after spending more time with Tommy and Jasper, he and the gang all met back up at his parents' house for lunch before he had to head back home. From the minute he'd gotten up that morning, he just felt a little lost. He'd been awaken at the crack of dawn by a crying Tommy and was already headed towards the wails before he realized that it wasn't his baby crying for him. Jasper just nodded a tired hello before pushing the nursery door open and heading inside.

The cries of Tommy did very little to stop the empty feeling he had being away from his little girl but he realized on his way to his parents' that this would be the last time he saw everyone for a while. He might not make it back down before his brother's wedding. Carrying Tommy into the house, he hadn't let him go until it was time to eat and then immediately cleaned up and picked his nephew back up when they were finished. Tommy was hyper but nowhere near as off-the-wall as Ally could be. By some divine miracle, the kid picked up Jasper's calm personality-even if it wasn't biological.

The anger that seemed to plague him seemed to be assuaged by his visit back home to his family and friends. Unfortunately, as Esme and Rosalie cleared away pots and plates, his blood would boil once again. Edward should have known that he wasn't going to get off that easy. His mother had wanted him to stop by Ally's grave before he left and up until this point she hadn't mentioned it at all. Still, there was an hour left before he had to even head towards the airport and he should have seen it coming. If it had been Esme that asked him to go with her, he would have sucked it up and done so with a smile on his face. It wasn't, though.

While he held Tommy, playing with the little boys fingers, Emmett and Jasper headed into the living room to watch something on television. That left three generations of the Cullen's alone together. Carlisle, Edward, and Tommy all seemed to fall silent. Edward missed his sister, Tommy missed his mother, and Carlisle missed his daughter. They all shared a common missing link and it was one that was not able to be found.

"Why don't you come with me to Alice's grave?" Carlisle asked softly.

Edward froze. He could remember all the times that he stood by his mom's side as she held tightly to her daughter. He thought of how dear old dad was knowingly working with men who trafficked girls the way his Bella had been, all the while running drugs instead of being the one to support his wife. In fact, it was so rare that Edward remembered Carlisle visiting with Alice as she struggled to live that he could count on one hand how often it happened. Bella, who was terrified of hospitals, had been there more than Alice's own father was. He tried his damnedest to put his hostility for Carlisle behind him and let bygones by bygones but holding Ally's son he just couldn't fucking do it this time. "No."

Esme had returned from the kitchen and was watching their exchange. She sighed and headed over to take Tommy, knowing words were about to be exchanged. His dad just shook his head. "Get off it, Edward. Whether you believe it or not, I fucking miss her too!"

"You didn't have the time for her when she was _here_. You didn't have the time for any of us when we needed you. She was fucking dying, dad! I had Bella and mom both to support and you were knowingly running blow. You_ should_ miss her! I miss her so much it feels like my damn heart has been ripped out of my chest and I was actually _there_! I put the time in for her! For them!" With this last outburst he pointed to his mother and nephew.

"I love all of you. I was doing what I had to so that I could keep us all afloat."

"You know, dad. I woke up this morning and was disappointed when I realized it was a baby that woke me up and it wasn't mine. I miss my daughter to the point that it makes me sick in the stomach. It's been two days, dad. Two. Do you know how many days we all went without you being around?"

"That's not fair. We had nothing. When Em was born all I had was my club. That was all the money we had coming in."

"What about this past year, Dad?" Edward asked, standing up now, his fists resting against the table.

"I _was _around a lot more this year than I have been. I was _trying_ to be more involved."

"Oh, you definitely stepped it up when Alice came to you about her pregnancy!"

"Edward! Enough!" Esme hollered, obviously tired of this discussion.

Carlisle wasn't saying anything just looking at his wife-and his grandson. Edward wasn't done, though. If he had thought about it, he probably could have stopped himself from saying what he did next. "I was the one she came to after you nearly drove her to abort that little boy! I'm the one who fucking saw how shaken she was over the pregnancy and I'm the one who helped her reason it out. He's alive because she didn't listen to _you_. He's all we have left of her and you almost drove her to kill him!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped this time, hugging his nephew close.

"If it wasn't for Jasper, she might not have survived your fucking scrutiny. I was there for mom. I was there for her. They relied on me and didn't even bother to act like you might be there for them. I'm tired. I'm so fucking _tired _of it!"

Edward realized he sounded like a raging lunatic and thanked God Bella and his baby wasn't there to see it. He'd hit below the belt and his father looked physically pained. Heaving deep breaths, he tried to calm himself down but before he could reign himself in to find a way to try and apologize, Carlisle stood. Edward watched his father step around Esme and put his shoes on before heading out the door. No one said a word, even though Jasper and Emmett had joined them as well, until they heard the car door slam shut outside and an engine rev. "Mom..." Edward breathed, turning to his mom and nephew.

"Don't. I'm so fucking tired of this shit. I'm done, Edward. You two need to learn to get along. The things you said were absolutely uncalled for and completely crossed the line. He's changed, even though you haven't been here to see it. He's trying."

"Fuck, Eddie..." Emmett hissed. "Bella said you were having issues but that was fucked..."

"I need to go apologize," Edward muttered, digging his hands in his hair. "Where do you think he went?"

"The cemetery," Esme put in sadly. "He spends most of his days there now. You were right about him not being there for her when he should have been but a part of your father was buried in that ground right along with his own baby girl. He's putting the time in now."

**As I said at the beginning, Nessie and I are putting the finishing touches on a new story of mine. It's so close to being ready to publish that I can taste it. We were discussing a release schedule for the chapters and such just about an hour ago. I'm SO excited for it, I like it more than anything I've written so far. It currently as 24 completed chapters and so updates, as is usual, will be on time. Keep a look out for it and thank you for your support through this story and in the future. As for this story, I'll see you next week ;) Real life is exhausting...so that's why I didn't publish this earlier! Love, Letzy xx**


	49. Chapter 49

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**Any mistakes are solely mine...blah blah blah...you know the drill. I love my beta, though. The girl just sent my back five edited chapters of the new story. I heart her hard.**

**Chapter 49**

**The Bucket List of the Future**

Shrugging off his coat, Edward walked silently towards the area of the cemetery his little sister was buried in. A hunched figure blocked his view of the gravestone and he took Carlisle by surprise when he knelt down beside him. Doing a double take, his father shook his head. There were tears on his face and in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Carlisle looked back at the gray stone. Rubbing his hands over the top of the grave, the area which Edward assumed Alice's body was under, his father shook his head. "This needs to fucking stop before we kill each other."

"I know."

"I love you, Edward. You have to fucking know that. You, Em, Ally...you three were why I worked so much. I let your mother down but it was because I was trying to do right by my kids. I wanted you guys to have a life that you could enjoy. I wanted you three to have money for college, I wanted you all to marry, have children, and be able to buy homes. I wanted you all to make a name for yourselves."

"Instead you got the college drop-out, a daughter with an unplanned pregnancy to a basically unknown father, and a son who's following in his father's footsteps-ones that you hate."

"I've killed my daughter."

"Fuck," Edward breathed, looking away for a moment. "Dad, you didn't _do_ this to Ally. A freak _accident_ did this to Ally. Of everything I could blame you for, this isn't one of those things."

Silence followed until Edward became sick. Something wasn't adding up. "Dad," he demanded now, "why the hell do you think this _is_ your fault?"

Silence again. Now, Carlisle was rubbing the ground and the tears were falling freely. "What the fuck did you do?" Edward spit out.

"I don't know. I don't know if it was a coincidence or not but...dammit! I was caught up in the drugs and...I made enemies. I made deals with the devil, son. I did what I had to protect my family but they knew about Alice...and Rosalie..."

"Jesus. What the fuck are you saying?"

"You know as well as I do that they weren't just into running drugs. Organized crime is bad shit. I got in too deep. I sold the club because I needed the money. Before that, it came to murder. You know I'm responsible for killing that man. You know I'm guilty. The assholes worked with me til shit blew over with the cops. They knew if the authorities investigated my connection to them, it would lead to shit being found out that they wanted to keep hidden. Alice...maybe I wasn't responsible for her death but I easily could have been the cause of what could have happened to Rose."

"Holy fuck, dad..."

"I need you to promise me something. It's something that I've been trying to figure out how to say since before I came out to visit with you guys and Allison. Edward, don't bring Bella back here."

Every vein seemed to pump with ice cold blood. _What the fuck is he talking about? What does any of this have to do with Bella? _Pushing to his feet, he leaned against the stone. "I want an honest fucking answer. Do these fucking bastards have something to do with her? Were they the ones who did this to her? I swear to God..."

"No. Not that I know of. They broke into your apartment, though. It was them. They found the picture you had of her. I saw it because they showed it to me and somehow they already knew her name. Not her full name, or where she was from, but they know she's with you and I think they knew she was pregnant."

Edward tried to figure out which picture it could have been. He only had a few of her and thankfully she was clothed in each one. "What does she have to do with this? Why do they _care_?"

"Because they want me to suffer. I know they wanted Rosalie. I don't know if they had a hand in Alice's death. I do know that they at least know who Bella is. I don't want to see her hurt."

"Well, guess what? She's already hurt. Do you know how little she is? How much she weighs? She's tiny, dad. Even going against a weaker guy, she'd never manage to free herself if he held her down. That's exactly what happened to her. She was held down for years underneath men who did awful things to her. You might think she's some tough stripper with a bit of an attitude but since being back in her hometown, I see slices of her life from before.

"She was naive and timid and very innocent. She fucking knitted or whatever with her grandmother... I don't care who you are to me. I will stop at nothing to ensure that she is kept safe. If harm comes to her, I swear to God, I will never speak to you again. That's not an empty threat and mom won't be able to patch us back together. It's done."

"I understand. So, please, heed my warning. Keep her away from this God-damned place."

"What about the wedding?"

"I'm going to sit down and talk to Emmett and Rosalie, as well as Mrs. Hale, and see if I can persuade them to have it somewhere else. Esme and I...we're working on finding a place a few hours away to live. Your mother always wanted a place with a bigger yard, somewhere a little warmer. I'm finally going to do right by her. Bella, though, she has no family here. Keep her _there_. I wouldn't have told you all of this if I didn't love her. I want to keep her safe, too."

"You didn't kill Alice. I don't care what's on your conscience or what you suspect. This wasn't your fault."

"You were right earlier, though. I never should have acted the way I did when she came to me about Tommy. It was wrong. Did you really talk her out of an abortion?"

"Yeah."

"You two were always so close..."

"I can't do this right now with you," Edward shook his head. "Maybe someday but not yet. I'm not ready. Mine and Alice's relationship was ours alone. I'm dying without her here. It if wasn't for Bella, I honestly believe I would have checked out of all this shit. I'd be in the ground with her."

Carlisle just nodded as if he understood. "I love you, son. I always will. I made a lot of mistakes but I'm trying to fix them. I also wanted you two know that I helped that girl who was in my office. I helped her get out. It's another part of the reason they want to bring me pain."

"I need to go home to my family. Especially now, I need to know they're okay."

"Don't try to make an easy buck, Edward. Stay out of this shit. Help Bella and Allison both have a good life. I'm here if you need anything."

"Thanks. I love you, too, man. I have to or else I'd never speak to you again after what you've done to our family. Don't fuck things up with mom. It's the second thing I will break you over. If you hurt her or Bella, I'll never acknowledge you again."

"Goodbye, Edward. I'll see you at the wedding...and I'll have Emmett let you know exactly where it will be."

"Goodbye. Bella will be crushed when she finds out we can't have our wedding here."

"It's to keep her safe. I promise you that where ever you two decide to do the deed, we'll all be there. Even those two fruity men that work the club Bella used to strip at."

"Thanks." Edward nodded at his father before running his hands over Alice's name. As he climbed into his mother's vehicle a few minutes later, he dialed Bella's phone. She answered quickly, slightly out of breath.

"Is everything okay? Isn't your flight leaving soon? Are you going to be late?" Her voice was strained and he panicked a little.

"No. I'll be there. I just wanted to tell you I love you. Are you okay? You don't sound okay."

"A man came to the door today."

After hearing what his father said, Edward sat up straighter. "Who was he? Did you invite him in? Did you talk to him?"

"I don't know and no. I refused to answer the door."

"Bella, why don't you get Allison ready and go over to your mom and dad's? Is your dad home?"

"Yeah. Why are you so concerned? I thought you'd think I was just being...crazy...again..."

"Go sit with him. I'll be home tonight. Listen, I'm sure it's nothing to worry over but I'd just feel better if you were with other people. You sound really shaken."

"Diesel is here with me..."

"Please, just go to your parents. I'll call Charlie and ask him to pick you guys up."

She gave a nervous laugh and he could almost see her rolling her eyes through the phone. "I think my paranoia is rubbing off on you, Edward. I'll get her ready and call him myself. I love you. Just get here."

After holding Tommy for as long as he could and hugging everyone goodbye, he was just about to make his way onto the plane when he got a call. Answering it quickly, still hung up on what Bella had told him, he decided he needed to know before he boarded if she needed him. To his surprise, it was work. "Edward? Hey, I wanted to let you know that if you want the day shift position, it's yours..."

"Absolutely," he breathed. "This is great. Thank you _so _much!"

"Well, we don't usually bump guys up like this after they work for such a short time but the guys here must really respect you. In fact, make sure to thank Dave when you get back. He really rallied for you to be switched. Something about how important it is to you that you're home for your family... Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow morning. Enjoy your Sunday night."

As he boarded the plane, he politely thanked the stewardess who was obviously going way out of her way to make sure he was comfortable. The plane wasn't full but her eyes were roaming a little more than was necessary as she helped him put his carry-on into the overhead. He tried not to laugh. He towered over the short brown-haired girl and yet she insisted on 'helping' him. He felt anxious, just wanting to get home to his little family, and he really didn't want to do deal with this girl. It was times like this that he wished he and Bella could just be married already-at least he'd have a ring on his finger. One would hope that would deter flirty flight attendants.

She must have realized there was nothing else to help him with because she did eventually saunter away and he relaxed back into his seat. Remembering that Bella had given him a little homework involving creating that list for their future, he grabbed a napkin from a male attendant's tray and asked him for a pen. He didn't want to get a pen out of his carry-on. The last thing he wanted was for Red to come back. He closed his eyes, wondering where to start and figured he would start with the things that weren't quite that important.

Just as the pilot announced they would be landing soon, Edward decided his list was complete and put a number one beside the item at the bottom of the list. There was nothing that he could think of that could ever be more important. By the time he got to the top of the list, he found that there were a lot of things he hoped to accomplish. The question was whether or not Bella's list would come close to matching his.

Bella looked back and forth, trying to relax. Begging herself to calm down, to not be so skittish around the men in business suits who milled around the airport, she held tightly to Allison and rocked her gently. It had taken everything in her power to leave her mom and dad's on her own and go to the busy airport. Originally, she was planning to stay with Renee while Charlie went to get him but she'd convinced them, albeit with a shaky voice, to let her go on her own. Renee asked her to let Allison stay but Bella wasn't ready for that yet. She had made enough decisions that she wasn't too ready for in the past couple of days. Well, at least one big one.

The weekend had been a long one and she felt drained of energy. Allison had been good but a little cranky. She wondered if her daughter missed Edward as much as she did. With a deep sigh, she rocked Allison a little more and sidestepped away from a man carrying a briefcase. By the time people started to come through Edward's terminal, she let out a sigh of relief. Up on her tip-toes, she tried to see over the people around her but became defeated and decided to just wait patiently. There were just too many people and she began to feel like she couldn't breathe. Swallowing her fear, she reminded herself that she did this to prove that she could.

Suddenly, someone bumped into her and she jumped, turning when the man reached towards her to apologize and steady her. Allison was asleep in her arms and Bella was already feeling like an over-protective mother bear with a newborn cub. The look on Bella's face must not have been very kind because the man's face scrunched up and he walked away muttering something under his breath. When someone else grabbed her shoulder, her nearly screamed. She jumped but kept a safe hold on her sleeping baby. Stepping backwards, Bella turned once again to find that it had been Edward who was trying to get her attention.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked, a look of concern on his face.

When he opened his arms to her, she stumbled into them, only taking time to make sure Allison was in a safe position for Bella to hug him. Tears came and she shook her head at herself. "You're not okay? Bella, where's your dad?"

"No," she muttered, becoming frustrated but pulling away from him. He reached out for Allison and she handed her over so that she could wipe at her eyes. He kissed the baby's cheek and told her hello before looking back to Bella. "I just...I'm okay. I'm okay now."

"Where's Charlie?" he asked again, his voice just as soft.

"I told him I could come get you on my own."

"You don't have to prove this kind of stuff to me. You know airports get crowded. Bella, I hate when you put yourself in these situations. I'd like for you to be able to go to the library or to get groceries on your own but this is more than I'd ask..."

"I'm sorry," she frowned, shaking her head and looking at the floor. "Can we just go home?"

When she turned to walk towards the exits, Edward stepped around to block her path. "Bells, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm glad you're here. God, I've missed you two."

"I just wanted to surprise you. I'm tired of sitting at home all the time."

"I know. Come on, we have a lot to talk about. Let's get you two home. I just have to grab my bag."

They chatted away about the weekend and Edward told her about how well everything was back home. "Tyler and James said hi."

"I can't wait to see them in a few months! Did you see any of the girls?" she asked dryly.

He swallowed, obviously deciding to make one annoying admittance at a time. "Well, I believe that Em and Rose are changing the wedding location...and they're going to let us know where it will end up being."

"Why would they do that? They already have everything booked."

"Dad and I talked and there's still some shit going down with his...friends," Edward said, obviously using sarcasm on this last word.

"Is that why you're so worried about me being home by myself?"

"Yes. I'm glad you didn't open the door for the strange guy but I wish I knew what he wanted. Don't get too scared over all of this. Nothing is going to happen to you." She could hear the promise dripping from his voice but this wasn't just about her anymore. Looking to the backseat where Allison snoozed contentedly, Bella felt Edward's hand on her leg to get her attention before he corrected himself. "Neither one of you will get hurt again by men like that. Ever."

With a small smile, she treaded into deeper water. "How were my former coworkers?"

Edward chuckled and shook his head. Her stomach clenched. "Friendly. We went when the first round of girls were there."

"Which includes your bestest buddy," Bella said with a wide, fake smile. Then she looked away from him and out the passenger side window. "What happened?"

"She came on to me...so I talked about you and our engagement. Of course, I couldn't let her just walk away with that, though," he said darkly and Bella felt sick. He wouldn't cheat on her. She repeated that in her head three times before he finally grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles as he drove. "I had to make sure she knew how awesome my other favorite girl is. I thought it was important for her to know that we created an amazing baby. Bells, you have no competition."

Bella had to smile and roll her eyes at that as they got to the house and climbed out of the car. "I can't believe how late it is already," she complained as he set Allison down inside the door as she slept away in her carrier. Diesel growled at Edward for a second and Bella laughed as Edward put his hands on his hips and looked at the dog with an exasperated expression.

"Hey, flea bag."

"You'll be leaving for work soon enough and he'll be my guardian until you come home. Be nice to him or he'll quit," Bella smiled, squatting down to put her arm around the big dog. He wagged his tail, sat down on his butt, hung out his tongue and looked to Edward as if to say, "She likes me better."

While Bella rubbed the dogs belly, as he was now rolling around on his back in doggy glee, she watched Edward unstrap Allison and carry her over to the couch so he could rest her on his lap and unzip the little coat she was wearing. He really was a great father and she sighed happily as he held his daughter close to his chest and rocked her back and forth. "Bells, come in here, baby."

Padding over to him, she frowned and looked up at the clock. "We forgot to grab your stuff out of the trunk...and you have to leave in like..."

"Bella, we have all damn night."

"What?" she asked, blinking her eyes in confusion and sitting down beside him.

"My boss called me right before I got on the plane. From now on, I work seven in the morning until three in the afternoon."

She couldn't stop the wide smile which had formed on her face. "I was doing okay at night but this is great. I'm so glad you're going to be here."

"We already talked about this. It isn't about you being home at night; it's about me just wanting to sleep with you. You are doing better. I want to enjoy that and get to experience a more normal schedule. If you decide you want to work somewhere later on, you can and we'll work things out. For now, though, I'd feel more comfortable being here at night anyway."

"Because of the situation with your dad?"

"Bells, I don't want you to worry but I didn't want to lie to you about it either. It's just something I wanted you to be aware of." Reaching into his pocket after shifting Allison around a little, he pulled out a piece of paper and held it out to her. "These are a few other things you should be aware of. Here, be careful with it."

Anxiety ridden and suspicious, she took what she recognized as a thick, folded airline napkin and frowned as it sat in her hands. "You're a messy eater?" she asked as a joke although she was actually completely confused.

"Unfold it, Bells," he chuckled.

Bella frowned again, aware of the fact that the chuckle was at her expense. It worried her. _How can an airline napkin possibly be something to handle with care? Was there something wrapped in it? _With a deep breath, she watched as her fingers peeled back a part of it and his handwriting was revealed to her. It was a numbered list. She let out the breath that she'd been holding and anxiously skimmed it. Allison was awake now and making cooing sounds while balling her fists up against Edward's coat. "Have you pumped lately?"

Her eyes had been darting over the paper, realizing little by little from the numbers, the things that were underlined, and the elegant scribbles that made up his words that she was literally holding the possibilities of his future in her hand. It wasn't just his but hers as well. Blinking a few times, she looked up and the only thing that she could think to say was a super smart, "Huh?"

"I was hoping to feed her..."

"Oh. Sorry. I'm actually surprised she's not full on shrieking yet. She must have missed you enough to cuddle and deal with being hungry for a few minutes," Bella smiled. "I did pump Friday. She slept through a feeding and I was in a bit of pain and had to."

"I don't think it's a bad thing, Bella. You chose to breast feed because it was healthier for her but like the doctor said, as long as she's not having trouble with it, she can drink that same milk from a bottle. I like getting to feed her once in a while."

Allison whimpered then, kicking her little feet into his stomach as he cradled her head in his hands. "Do you want me to get the bottle ready?"

"No. I got it. You seem to be...preoccupied anyway. Read over the list and we'll talk about it. If there's something on there you don't want or want to talk about, just let me know."

She watched him walk into the kitchen and then pulled her coat off before tucking her legs underneath herself. Curling up with a blanket she pulled from the back of the couch, she forced herself to start with the first item on the list. As she read, she smiled or even laughed a little. These first few things weren't that groundbreaking. For instance, the third one from the top said he wanted to learn how to bowl. Bella had no idea that there were people living in the US who had never bowled before. She wondered when the last time was that she had gone and smiled in reminiscence about the last time she remembered going with her friends from high school.

Each item was read carefully as she learned things about him from each one. This list had even let her know that he wanted to trade in his fancy sports car for a truck. This was the first time she had heard of it. If she didn't know him and was only given that list to determine who he was as a person, she would say he was easy going, realistic, and sentimental. There was also the possibility that a stranger reading it could fall in love with him just from the way he painted his life. He wanted to be happy as a family man. One of them even stated that if it was safe for her, he wanted to have at least one more baby. There was a good deal about his family as well...especially Tommy and Esme.

As she made her way through to the bottom where things became more serious, where there were underlined words, stars, and even words in all capitals, tears blurred her vision and she had to stop twice to get a tissue and dry them. She laughed out loud as she got to number five, which was to keep their sex life satisfying; this whole sentence was in capitals. She smiled in appreciation at number four: _Keep Bella satisfied with our sex life...and prove to her that sex isn't something to be embarrassed or afraid over._ Number three caught her off guard, as singing his daughter to sleep was not something she would have thought he'd put that high on the list.

The second to last was what really broke her, saying that he wanted to marry her. That was all. It was just two words but underlined and in all caps. _MARRY BELLA_. By the time she got to number one, she was practically sobbing. She could see that it was more than just a simple sentence and she prayed that it was just a bunch of rambling ideas, like walking Diesel more and a bunch of other simple things. If the last couple were any indication, though, she was in for it.

Holding a balled up tissue in her hand and resting her head against it, she closed her eyes and prepared herself. Opening them slowly, she gave in and began to read. _1. Protect my family and watch Bella grow independent once again. I want her to know that she can do it because I'm always here for her. I want her to want to be with me, not feel that she ever has to be._ This one shook her to her core and she realized her hands were shaking.

She felt his hand on her shoulder before she saw or heard him coming up to her. Jumping in surprise, she wiped her eyes quickly and sniffled loudly. "Is it that bad?" he asked with a leery smile, bending down so he was eye level with her.

Laughing through her tears, she shook her head and slid to the front of the couch cushion to grab another tissue and blow her nose. After a few coughs to clear her throat, she managed to speak. It wasn't what she wanted to say, though. "You want a truck?"

His face scrunched up in confusion and he looked at her sideways. "Really? _That's _what you're going through a whole box of tissues over?"

"I want to marry you, Edward," she blurted. "I want to plan this. I want to be with you and you alone. I need you already and it's not because I have to. I need you because you're the only one I want. You're the only one that I feel like I'm dying if I can't be around. If I had been with you before I was taken, I would have died knowing that I would have to live without you in a place like that."

"Shh. No. You wouldn't have. I would have found you. No more about that, though. Bells, we have the money. I don't want to wait any longer, either. When I spoke to my father, he suggested that we not return to the city. At least, he didn't think it was a good idea for you to go back there. We're all just trying to play it safe. Let's do this here. We'll invite everyone out, rent somewhere nice, and do this. No more waiting.

If we can take anything at all from referencing your past, it's that you never know. A life is never guaranteed. I want it all with you. I want to get rid of that stupid car and get something practical for my new life here. I want to struggle through the next few weeks with you while we wait with baited breath to have sex again."

"I like how that made the top ten, by the way...twice," she smirked.

He just gave his trademark devilish grin and continued. "I want to be happy and I want you to have my last name. I want us to be a complete family and I want to try for another baby. I love our daughter but it would be nice to have a son, too."

"Woah. Calm down. I'd love another baby but a boy is not guaranteed to happen."

"Then we have another girl...or a few more girls...I don't know. I'm really liking this dad thing."

"Well, how about we get this girl through her first few months and once we are married, we'll discuss another possible pregnancy. I'm liking being a mom, too. It's also great seeing you be a dad. You're wonderful with her."

"I want to wait until we're married to get you pregnant again anyway. I mean, we can practice and all..." Bella rolled her eyes and he went on. "Still, I want to do right by you. Do you have a date in mind?"

"Actually, I do. My grandmother's birthday was in the middle of May. Let's get married in the church I was baptized in. This year in the middle of May. If that's okay with you.."

"Absolutely. Okay," Edward smiled widely. "So, we go with the middle of May at that church. It doesn't give us much time to plan."

"I don't have many people I want to invite. I want this to stay small. I do want a pretty dress, though...and I really want to see you in a tux...Em's wedding will just be a little teaser."

"Okay. It's a date."

"No," Bella corrected playfully before leaning over to kiss his cheek. "It's a marriage."

**I've decided to go ahead and wrap up this story. There are two events that have to take place yet, Em and Rose's wedding not exactly being one of them. I want to cover Bella and Edward's wedding and a little surprise that I don't think anyone will be expecting. If I can work all that craziness into one chapter, I'm going to try but if not, there will be two more chapters to this story. It's becoming fluffy and, while I love fluff, I work in a preschool classroom and therefore my life is all about fluff _all the time_. **

**I want some darkness and will be getting it back soon with my next story. I love everyone who has supported me with this project and it means a lot to hear from all of you. Real life is just insane right now and this story hasn't exactly been receiving a lot of attention so I feel it's time to move on. Please, leave me some love! You all mean so much to me! Letzy xx**


	50. Chapter 50

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**Any mistakes are solely mine...blah blah blah...you know the drill. I love my beta, though. I heart her hard and can't wait for the next project we're doing together!**

****M for a reason. Just saying.**

**Chapter 50**

**Awakenings**

After putting Allison down for a nap, Bella had whispered to Edward that she was going to take a bath and if he needed her, she'd be in the bathroom. Instead of his usual, smirking self at the thought of her surrounded in nothing but bubbles, he was distracted and cutting a box open that the FedEx man had delivered for him while he was at work. The wedding was in eight days and Bella sank down into the warm water, glad for a little break. They only gave themselves a few weeks to prepare and it was a lot more stressful than she had anticipated. She and Renee were calling it the 'big little wedding' as it had started out as something small but still meant a great deal to a lot of Forks.

It had blown her mind when people, who she would never have asked to attend the actual wedding, caught wind of it and began to call Renee and ask if they could be of any help. At first, she was nervous and felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect of there being a lot of people but then her mother said something that definitely rang true. Bella had her hopes set on a traditional wedding with a pretty dress, nice decorations, and good food. When Renee told her that it would be nice to have the help and that it would be really hard to pull off the wedding in just a few short weeks, Bella gave in and began to call people back herself.

The women from her grandmother's church had offered to make covered dishes. A local seamstress called to tell her that she would love to donate the dress; all she needed was a design to go by from Bella and she'd get to work. The whole police department offered to help set up tables and help with any lifting or other strenuous work on the big day. Even the fire department was going to lend them the fire hall for free. After her fifth call to people who were reaching out, she sat at her mother's kitchen table and cried for a good five minutes before she could pull herself together enough to speak.

"I can't understand why all of these people want to help me, Mom. They don't know me. I mean, it's a small town but I don't even recognize them all from when I was living here as a kid..."

"Bella, I've told you many times. What happened to you was devastating for the whole community. Every one of them put so much time and effort into finding you that there were nights that I would sit exactly where you are now and cry until I couldn't stay awake any longer. People, for the most part, are good people. You were just a young girl when you were taken from us and it was completely unexpected. They felt like it could have been their own. It could have been any of the girls at Forks High. Those people, who were familiar but basically strangers, fought for our family so hard, baby. It took months for them to even begin to give up.

"Now look at you, baby girl. You've returned to us with a wonderful man who loves you and a beautiful baby girl of your own. We want nothing more than to see all three of you live a happy life from here on out. You're home, baby. I'm not just talking about your home here with me and your father but the home you have in this community. I only wish you were here to say goodbye to Grammy Swan."

So, Bella had called everyone of those people back later that night and began to organize everything. Her grandmother had always played a huge part in the community. She would want them to be there for her granddaughter.

The water felt good on Bella's neck and back and she closed her eyes as she sent up a small prayer of thanks for all the help she was receiving. She had no idea how she was going to thank everyone and had decided, and Edward agreed, to invite everyone who pitched in. It was all she had to offer them. Of course, they had decided that all money received as gifts would go to the fire company and they had, or planned to give, generous tips to the seamstress and all the women who helped out.

Feeling herself drift off to sleep, she forced herself to sit up a little bit and fight it. The last thing she needed was to drown in the bathtub a week before their wedding and a day before... Her train of thought shifted as she heard what sounded like a choked inhalation of breath. Frowning, she leaned towards the bathroom door and listened closely. A sniffle sounded and she heard Edward cough roughly before sniffling yet again. More concerned for her husband than finishing her relaxing bath, she dried off quickly and grabbed her robe from the back of the bathroom door.

Towel drying her hair, she walked into the living room to find Edward surrounded by pictures and giving off the vibe of torment. It nearly choked her. "What is it?" she asked quietly, coming around the couch to get a better look at what was upsetting him so much. As her eyes found a picture of Edward in a cap and gown with a huge smile on his face and an arm around his smiling sister, Bella understood immediately.

"It's nothing, Bells. I'm sorry. Go back in and relax..."

Because of how upset he was, she refrained from rolling her eyes at him and bent to pick up another picture, one much more aged than the previous, and smiled softly. "How old were you in this picture?"

He smiled fondly at it and pulled Bella into his lap. As he took the picture from her hand, he replied. "I was seven. That was the day my whole family went to the zoo. Ally and I are standing in front of the monkey exhibit. My dad took that picture."

"How can you possibly remember who was taking this?"

"It was kind of rare that he was around for trips like this. So, when he was there to be behind the camera, I remembered it. The monkeys were inside the one building being fed and I remember my dad making us laugh by saying they must have let us escape our cages. He always called us little monkeys."

Still smiling, Bella looked around at the pictures littered over the coffee table and asked, "Where's Emmett?"

Edward just chuckled, "There are a few with him in them but Alice and I were inseparable when we were little. Emmett was too cool for his little brother and sister. He was also too cool to get his picture taken. People used to say that Ally and I could have been twins. Mom even joked that Alice was in the womb with me but she was just too tiny to come out when I did-so she had to stay in there for a while longer."

Bella wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek as his voice broke. "I'm so sorry, Edward. It wasn't fair that you had to say goodbye to her like this. I'd do anything to bring her back for you. I mean, I know I never had the chance to really get to know her but it breaks my heart to see you like this."

He didn't say anything and she understood that there really wasn't much anyone could say in response to that, anyway. It happened and it wouldn't do him any good to drop to the ground and throw a tantrum over how unfair it all was. "That morning that I came home late from work, the one where I kind of lost it a little with you, this was why. I just had a bad night at work and then realizing that I had no pictures of Alice and Tommy together made me snap. Mom promised to send me some of the pictures she took at the hospital and I guess she decided to send me a bunch of them. She forgot to give them to me when I went out to visit."

"Probably because she was picking out the best ones and needed more time. There are a lot of pictures here. Aw, I love this one!" she giggled, holding up a picture of his parent's holding him between them. His hair was all spiked up after a bath and he didn't appear to be much older than two.

"I was pretty adorable, wasn't I?" he smirked playfully as he wiped at his eyes.

"Very. You know, I bet we'd make a very cute baby boy."

"Very true. Speaking of babies, though. Is Allison down for the night?"

"Yeah. She'll be up in a few hours to eat but then we'll be good again until the morning. She's getting better about sleeping through the night."

"What do you say we call it a night as well, then? It's hard to see these pictures so close to the wedding. I know I've always said that Jasper was my best friend but Alice was pretty stiff competition for him. We told each other everything. When I'd get pissed at Jazz for something, I'd complain to Ally and when I'd be mad at Ally I'd complain to..." His voice trailed off as he thought about that for a minute and then gave a wry smile. "I'm pretty sure they were telling each other about it... Bastard was sleeping with my baby sister..."

"Edward, stop," laughed Bella. "You're never going to forgive him for that are you?"

"Hell no," he chuckled before standing up with her still in his arms. "Come on, baby. Let's go to bed."

"You know, Edward, if you want that little boy of your own, practice does make perfect," Bella hinted as he met her in the bedroom after letting the dog out to go to the bathroom. Poor Diesel was laying outside the bedroom door, no doubt feeling a little shunned.

"Is that so?"

"It's been enough time. I feel fine."

"Tomorrow is the _official_ day that it's okay."

"One day won't hurt me. Please?" she asked, looking up at him in a way that she hoped was seductive. When his eyes darkened, she knew she had him. So, just because it excited her to elicit those feelings in him, she licked her lips and allowed the top of her robe to fall open a little more.

"You're sure this is okay?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. His voice was thick and a little strained as he reminded her that they could always wait until the wedding night.

"That's not what we agreed to, love. You promised me. As soon as I was ready. Remember?"

"Technically, you're not... Fuck it," he said, shaking his head and giving in. Pulling his shirt over his head and unbuckling his jeans, he climbed onto the bed beside her and ran a hand down around her naked belly and inside the robe so he could rub her naked back. They kissed then. It was hard and passionate but still loving all at the same time. The robe was soft and the feeling of being pressed between that warm material and his heated skin made her shudder in anticipation.

He wouldn't be rushed, though. Kissing down her neck, he came to her right nipple and surprised her by taking it between his teeth before snaking out his tongue and licking her. Wetness began to form between her legs but when she realized that he was now sucking freely, she froze. "Edward," she managed to choke out, a look of horror on her face. "The milk..."

"You taste so damn good baby. Don't worry. I won't take much."

As he had already let go of that nipple, he teased the other in the same way as the first before taking another long draw. Bella cursed in excitement although she was still confused as to how she should really feel about the situation. Deciding that he was doing it for his own enjoyment, she gave in and let him have his fun. It wasn't like she wasn't enjoying it. Greatly.

He eventually released the left nipple and kissed his way back up the other side of her neck and found her lips again. His breath smelled of the milk and she was floored by how erotic she found that to be. Reaching down between them, he slid his boxers down and she watched as his wonderful anatomy let itself be known. It had been so long that she wondered how her body was going to handle all of him. She felt wet enough but when she looked down at herself, she blanched. Droplets of milk were very evident on her breasts just below her nipples and she moved to place the robe back over herself. He shook his head and forced her to look him in the eyes.

"I think it's beautiful."

She smiled at his outburst and knew that she was blushing deeply. Edward Cullen seemed to have a bit of a lactation fetish. Who would have thought? Reaching down between them, she stroked his length gently before becoming more and more aggressive. He knelt beside her, staring down at her body as her arms were the only part of her still covered with the robe and her hand continued its up and down motion. He was breathing heavily until she decided to let go, more than ready for him to climax inside of her and not just onto her hand. That, she realized, may be a bit of an issue. She looked up at his face to see that he was frowning now, too.

"Uh, if we don't want to try for that little boy right now, we're going to need something to keep that from happening..."

Bella stretched across the bed and slid the night stand drawer open, pulling out a whole box of condoms. "I bought them at the store three weeks ago."

"Three weeks ago?"

"Do you really want to discuss dates right now?" Bella asked, holding a condom out to him with a bit of a frustrated look.

"What's wrong, kitten?" he asked, leaning forward to rub his nose against her cheek and then bending down to nuzzle her neck. His body was over top of hers yet again but the condom was still in his hand.

Biting her lower lip, she pouted, "Edward, please..."

"Maybe I want to take my time and worship you, baby..." He teased, knowing full well that she was strung tight enough that one touch from him could send her over the edge. When he pinched her nipple, she gave a small shout and lost it. Sitting up in the bed, she pushed him back and grabbed the condom. If there was a record for how quickly someone put a condom on another person, she was pretty sure she had broken it. He just watched her in amusement but when she shrugged off the robe and rolled so she was on top of him, he lost the smile and it was replaced with pursed lips.

"Bella," he began cautiously and completely serious, "we do have to take our time with this. I don't want to hurt you."

His last sentence broke through her lust-induced haze and she relaxed over top of him, her muscles turning to mush. A deep breath from her and her new, jello-like quality seemed to concern him and he reached up to wipe what she realized was a tear from her cheek. "Why are you crying? I want you so bad. It isn't that. I swear, baby, it is taking everything in my power to not just let you have your way with me."

"It...I'm just...I love you."

He looked confused now but pulled her down so that there chests were against each other and her head was resting on his pectoral muscle. "I love you, too, Bella. Are you okay?"

"Make love to me," she whispered, looking up at him and realizing that she sounded a little broken.

"Always. Even when it's a little rough, that's what it will be," he reassured her, now comprehending what was running through her head.

A few minutes later, she felt him reach down to her most sensitive spot and rub slow, soft circles to the point that she was seconds away from giving in and coming before he could even enter her. She stayed on top of him and as he brought his hips up to meet hers, he slid inside to where she so desperately wanted him. Like it was his mission, he controlled them both even from his position beneath her, bringing his hips up slowly. Pushing in and out of her, he whispered her name with each thrust and kept his hands on her hips.

When she finally tightened around him, Bella could feel his body break out in goosebumps and his pace quick slightly. Wishing desperately that they didn't have the condom to worry about, Bella laid her head back onto his chest, trying to catch her breath. It had been soft and gentle and exactly how she would have expected her first time to be had she not gotten caught up in something that she had no business being caught up in at the tender age of seventeen. This was a new beginning for both of them and the gentle smile on his face told her that he felt that same way to at least some degree as he settled her on the bed, wrapping her in the afghan that both she and her grandmother had created, and kissed her cheek.

_Bones were something that Bella had never found sexy but for others she supposed it made sense. In an underground world of destitute possibilities and no stars to light her darkness, Isabella Swan understood death and all that came a long with it. She had fought to stay alive but she was quickly beginning to question why. There was nothing for her to live for here and death would at least bring her peace. Her grandmother had always taught her that suicide was a sin; that God put you on this earth until He decided when you would leave it. Surely, though, whatever God that might be up there couldn't possibly hold it against her if she backed out of this harsh reality. _

_The bones she wondered about daily, though, were not those of the dead who she was envious of. No. The bones that concerned her were her own and they way they seemed to protrude more and more each day. She hadn't bled as she normally did in months and, while this wasn't abnormal for her before as she had always had issues even as a teenager, she chalked it up to the fact that they had 'fixed' her so long ago. It felt like decades that she was kept locked up like this. In the back of her mind, though, she remembered her guidance counselor talking about the effects of anorexia on the body. Her body not bleeding could easily be just one more sign that her body was shutting down on her from lack of nutrients. _

_The bastards that kept her wanted her tiny. She had always been petite but she had to weigh less than a hundred pounds now. At first, she figured it was just that they didn't want her to have the strength to fight back but after being placed with a few 'clients' who wanted her in pigtails, it made sickening sense to her. The problem was, she was not a child even developmentally. Her body needed more than just food and water every few days. _

_So, just as she had fallen into hopelessness and determined that starvation would be a pretty easy way out of this life, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. The guards had something else planned for her, though, and woke her from her restless revery. "You have a client, Izzy. Let's go."_

_She was shocked and also afraid. She'd already been with two other men that night and, considering the fact that she couldn't lift herself off the floor, she had the feeling that it was going to be a bad experience with this guy. She screamed when a hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her up and she could hear the guard laugh before she could feel the man's breath on her neck. "Stand up and walk straight. Look awake. Do as I say."_

_This wasn't normal. She briefly wondered if this was a nightmare and tried not to let herself cry. That wouldn't be fair. Sleep was the only time that she was left alone and her mind was shut off. She rarely had nightmares in this place because that was all her life was. There was little else she could scare herself with. The men never came in, though, unless to mess with her themselves. It was a sin for them to damage her right before taking her to see a client, though. She bit down on her tongue instead of asking any questions. That would do nothing but bring on punishment._

_The man she remembered as Dom pulled her past the guards, leading her quickly as if it was a dire situation. She was only able to catch her breath when they hesitated in front of the cell of another girl who Bella remembered from the time one man requested both of them. Soon, though, she was being propelled out into the cold and Bella looked down at herself. She was still in her stiletto's but her skirt was ripped as was her shirt. She braced herself against the cold, trying to tame her hair. Bella wasn't sure if she was shaking because of the cold or because of the fear. There's no way they would send her to see a paying customer like this; she looked awful._

_Another man met them in a car that was normal and he cringed when he saw her condition. "What the hell happened to this one? Boss say she was good to go?"_

_"Yup. The customer requested Annie but Mike said he had special plans for her...he's keeping her for himself. He told me to take Izzy."_

_"Shit, man. She looks like hell."_

_Bella bit down on her lip, trying to act just as invisible as they were making her out to be. It was good to not be noticed and it wasn't like she didn't realize how horrible she looked. "Well, man, let's just get her where she needs to be so we can get back. It's fucking late for a request..."_

_Bella didn't know which man said that but it didn't matter. She wanted to get this over with as well. Hunger pains were killing her as they pulled up in front of an old, familiar hotel and she hobbled out as Dom opened the door for her and grabbed her roughly. He said something to the other guy before hauling her towards the back entrance. Bella closed her eyes and shivered, hoping against hope that her body would just give up. She didn't want to_ exist_ anymore. _

_When they were just inside the stairwell that she knew would lead to the room the bastards always rented out, the man reached down behind a couch that was in the hallway and pulled up a jacket. "Someone must have left this," he said to her in a strange tone. "It looks warm."_

_When they were about ten room away, Dom slowed but continued to talk. "We haven't been over in this part of town in a while. Did you notice they put up a new hospital three blocks away to the right of us?"_

_Bella was barely conscious at that point; all she wanted was sleep. Still, he continued on and she really just wanted to tell him to shut up and move a little quicker. Still, he went on. "There are always taxis now, too. One typically sits in the back lot where we just pulled in at."_

_Bella's face scrunched up in confusion as his words finally began to sink in. _Why the hell is he telling me this?_ She went to ask him what this had to do with her but forced her teeth to bite down on her tongue yet again. He was her enemy and she shouldn't be talking to him. He hesitated when they got to the last door. "I'll just leave this warm coat out here until later." Then, he paused as if he wanted to add to that and made eye contact with her as if he wanted her to understand. What needed to be understood, she had no idea of. _

_Unlocking the door, he opened it and guided her in. It was empty and the sheets weren't even made. Bella swallowed hard, panic setting in as she wondered if this was it. Maybe they had seen how deplorable her body had become and they wanted to get rid of her. Dom gave a low whistle and shook his head. "Well, guess the guy is missing out on time. We'll be back in an hour."_

_Bella blinked, daring herself not to ask him why he would tell her that. They almost always had someone standing outside the hotel in case something went down. Everything about this situation was throwing off bad vibes. Then he left. Just like that, Dom was gone. Bella swallowed hard and stumbled on her shoes as she backed up into the bed and nearly fell. It took her a minute to get her bearings but her head was already spinning and she was desperate for something to eat. She checked the mini bar and found nothing but alcohol. Then, she spotted it. A pack of hot chocolate in with the little coffee kit. Grabbing it, she ripped it open and took the powder into her mouth. Coughing harshly, she realize it wasn't helping her and, in tears, she set the packet back on the little stand. _

_Ten minutes had gone by and no one had come for her. Looking around the room for clues, she froze and let out a strangled breath. The blanket she had with her the night she was taken was on the bed. Bella dreamed of that blanket constantly as it was something she had with her all the time before being taken. It was what her parents and friends jokingly called her lucky rabbit's foot. She would wrap it around her neck as she watched her friends and competitors during swim competitions. She stood there stock still for almost five minutes before grabbing it from the bed. Someone was giving her this as a gift and she was half expecting it to be part of her test. _

_As she put the fabric against her cheek and the tears began to pour, she was absolutely sure that there would be someone on the other side of the door, that this was a test, but she looked through the peep hole to find no one. Deciding that it wouldn't be so bad if they shot her-it sure as hell would beat starvation-she cracked the door open and peered out. Nothing. The coat, she noticed, was small and close to what her size would be. Reaching down, she grabbed it and put it on. The second the warmth hit her, so did the revelations. The bastard known as Dom had set her up indeed-but not to hurt her. She could do this. She could escape._

_The information about the hospital, the comments on the taxi, the blanket and even the coat were all clues. It wasn't until she stumbled into the elevator that she realized she had no money and no where to go. A hospital could help her but she had no medical insurance and she was always told that they would turn her away. Mike told the girls that all the time. As the lobby doors opened, Bella headed out into the night air and about tumbled down the stairs. A middle-aged woman righted her before she could hit her head and asked if she was okay. _

_Bella stared at the woman for a few seconds before nodding and backing away. "I'm wonderful," Bella grinned in disbelief before looking around to make sure no one followed her. For the first time in years, Bella was free. She had nothing to go back to but she didn't have to go back to Mike and his band of bastards. As she drank in her surroundings with wide, slightly terrified eyes, she looked up at the sky scrapers surrounding her and fought back tears. Putting the blanket around her shoulders, she began to sob. One of the bastards had cared enough about her to make sure the gift from her grandmother had been returned and at that point in her life, it meant more to her than even her freedom._

Bella came awake still wrapped up in the afghan and felt the tears against her cheek that had pooled from her eyes. Breathing deeply, she pulled the scent of Edward into her lungs and smiled to herself. She loved this life they were creating together and knew she needed to let go of her old life once and for all. The events of the next day would prove that she could.

**I'm thinking one more chapter, being that I felt this chapter was necessary. You've heard snippets of her story and I wanted you to see how she was released and why Dom meant enough to her that she felt the need to fight for him. It was fitting for the end of the story that she would have this dream of escape from her past. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please, let me know what you think! I love to hear from you guys! Letzy xx**


	51. Chapter 51

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**Any mistakes are solely mine...blah blah blah...you know the drill. I love my beta, though. I heart her hard and can't wait for the next project we're doing together!**

**Chapter 51**

**Those Who Should Be There and Those Who Are**

Bella woke up the next morning with Edward's arms back around her and her world righted. Then she realized what she was going to be doing and her heart plummeted. Turning to face her future husband, she smiled as his open eyes met hers. "Morning, Bells," he smiled back.

"Hey," she said groggily, pecking him on the lips quickly before stretching. "Did Allison wake up yet?"

"Nope. I've been listening for her but she hasn't cried. The monitor has been silent." After a few minutes of relaxed silence, he stroked her cheek with his finger. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah," she replied, knowing why he was asking. "How loud was I?"

"Well, you weren't. I mean you were mumbling but you weren't screaming for me or anything like that. I decided to let you sleep. I hope that was alright."

"Actually, it wasn't bad last night. It's really not a problem. I'm more worried about later today."

"Baby, if you would just tell me what you're doing..."

"I told you that it's a surprise. Just meet me at the place I told you to. That's all you have to do."

"I understand but it's only a week before the wedding. There's so much that needs done yet..."

"I need you to trust me. This is something I have to do before I marry you. Actually, it's something I have to do before _you_ marry _me_. It is hard to believe, though, that in one week, I'll officially be Mrs. Bella Cullen."

"It's not hard to believe, Bells. In my mind, you've practically been Mrs. Edward Cullen since we met. Whatever it is you need to do, I'll be there like we discussed. Your mom is coming to pick Allison up at noon. What time do you have to leave?"

"I'll wait until mom gets here. I want to spend some time with you guys to calm myself a little. Can you take care of Allison when she gets up...at least just feed and change her? I need to start getting ready...and I want to...practice before I have to leave."

"Practice?" he asked, raising an eyebrow before shaking his head. "I thought I gave you enough practice last night..."

Bella giggled, rolling away from him and climbing out of bed. She winced a little at the slight soreness but was fine after moving around a little. Not liking the idea that it was so late and Allison hadn't woken up yet, she peeked in and found her daughter breathing evenly and relaxed. Now, Bella would leave Edward to care for Allison and do what she needed to do.

This was never the reason Bella expected to have to leave Allison for the first time but it was only for a couple of hours and she knew that Renee was more than equipped to handle the center of Bella's universe for that short amount of time. Bella had laughed as she walked out the door, listening as Edward nervously went over the list of emergency numbers and anything and everything Renee ever wanted to know about his daughter's bowel movements. Bella left him to it, touched that he care so much for their baby girl. He was a great father.

Now, though, her hands were shaking and she was ashamed to admit that she had tears in her eyes the entire drive as she sat behind the wheel of her mother's vehicle. Edward had driven separate in the Caliber and there was a reason for that-she was too vulnerable with him near. She needed space to get her head together.

About a half an hour later, Bella was standing backstage, pacing nervously. As Father Drayer began to speak, she was pretty sure her heart had dropped to her stomach permanently. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Miss Isabella Swan. Let me add, that Miss Swan, despite the struggles she has faced, is to be married a week from today. I've gotten to know her over the past month or so and this is a huge deal to have her hear and speaking with us. This hasn't been easy, and like a few of you here, it has been incredibly difficult to get her to agree to speak openly and publicly. So, without further adieu, Miss Swan."

Bella took a deep breath before stepping out onto the small stage and stepping into the spotlight. It was warm and she couldn't tell if it was due to blushing from the introduction by her new friend, Father Andrew Drayer, or that the lights were just that hot. Clearing her throat, she gave an emotional smile to the thirty or so people in the room who were watching her expectantly from tables set up in a u-shape facing the stage. When she saw Edward, though, she froze for a moment and took him in. The look on his face was priceless; it was a look of shock and awe at the same time. She also suspected there was a little bit of pride mixed into it as well.

Collecting her thoughts, she paused for a few seconds before she began. "My name is Isabella Marie Swan and I was a victim of sexual slavery through human trafficking..."

Edward couldn't be more shell shocked than if Allison had woken up that morning and spoken a full sentence to him. He wondered if this was a strange dream or if it wasn't a dream at all but about to become a nightmare. He prayed that she didn't break down, that she continued with the poise and confidence that she began with. Because he knew her better than anyone in the world, he could tell that she was in fact nervous and a little more fidgety that he was used to seeing her. Still, as she shifted her feet back and forth, she held her head high and spoke as if she had been practicing for years.

When he finally managed to glance away from her, he saw that the whole crowd was just as captured by her words as he was. Half of the women and even some of the men had tears in their eyes or were sniffling as she spoke of some of the living conditions she'd had to endure over that horrible time in her life. She kept things vague, not going into the details of what she had been through, but when she spoke of her rape experiences, he wanted to hurt someone. It wasn't fair that his little Bella had been put through that at such a young age-not that it would have been different if she had been older. He still wanted blood for what they had done to her.

Besides his protective anger, he also felt his chest puff up in pride and his heart swell with gladness that she was able to talk about what happened to her. She was so brave standing up there and sharing her story that he was choked up over just simply seeing her so confident with herself. He wanted to stand up and cheer at the same time that he wanted to break down and cry. He wasn't aware that he was gripping the edge of his seat and leaning forward until the priest who introduced Bella to the crowd sat down beside him. The man looked a little nervous and Edward forced himself to relax, knowing that he was throwing off some seriously threatening vibes. Easing back in his seat, Edward kept his eyes on Bella, still riveted by what she was saying. The other man stayed silent.

Bella ended her speech by thanking the church group who had thrown this little banquet and everyone she had been in contact with over the past few weeks. Edward looked around the room briefly, wondering if he recognized anyone. He couldn't believe she had kept this from him all of this time. He knew why she did it, though. Even while she was overcoming her personal hurdles, she was still doing shit to surprise him-and he was pretty sure his over-bearing, protective nature wouldn't have done much to help her. Damn, though, was he proud.

Edward's name had come up throughout the speech as she talked a little about their story and he was getting a number of looks from the people around the room now as she was wrapping things up. "I couldn't have done any of this without Edward. If you had asked me a year ago, before I met him, what my life would be like in a year, I would never have guessed this. I also probably wouldn't have even spoken to you because of the fear I felt. I've been trying for weeks to figure out the words to say to describe how much he means to me, to find a way to tell him how amazing he is, and I've completely failed. The truth is, there aren't words. Some feelings you can't say, you just have to feel. He let me feel again. He made it _safe _for me to feel.

"I guess all I have left to say is a message for the other survivors that are here tonight. This wasn't your fault. We've had things taken from us that we can never get back. It sucks...so, so badly. It's so easy to let yourself be overcome by the hate. Don't give in to it. I was stronger that that. We're all stronger than that and if we don't recognize it, they win. I used to hate and not trust and was afraid to love. I was told, by them, that I couldn't have children and a man would never love me.

I stand before you to say...pardon me, Father, but what I have to say is... I call bullshit. A week from today, I'll be married to a man who I know loves me; he has to in order to put up with me on some days. I've also recently given birth to a beautiful little girl who makes my entire world go around. You can do anything. You can be anything. Just, please, don't let them win. Thank you."

Edward stood and clapped as soon as she stepped back from the podium and quickly made her way backstage. Soon, he noticed that everyone else had slid their chairs back and were joining him as well. When it was clear that she wasn't coming back out into the spotlight, he went to head for the hallway to meet up with her and make sure she was okay when Father Drayer stopped him. "Edward?"

Edward turned to the priest he had never met before with a frown. "Excuse me, Father, but I'd like to go make sure she's okay."

"Her counselor, Helene, is back there with her and they'll be joining us soon. I won't keep you long but I wanted to introduce myself. I'm the man who came to the door that weekend you were visiting with your family, I never meant to scare her or worry you. I just really wanted to meet her and see if she'd be willing to talk about what happened. We have recently reached out to other victims and hoped that she could be a little inspiration for them..."

"I'm really proud of her," Edward nodded, "but I _am_ surprised she was able to do this. She has trouble talking about this with even me sometimes."

"Well, Edward, I can promise you it has nothing to do with you. When I sat down to talk with her, not even two sentences would go by without her mentioning you fondly. She loves you dearly and I just wanted to tell you thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Yes. I'm afraid that you probably don't hear it enough. Many men in your situation would not have been able to...be there...the way you have been. So, Edward, thank you for loving her back. I know the Lord looks down on you fondly for all you've done for her."

"She's done a lot for me, too, Father. It's very kind of you to say those things and it means a lot that you got her to open up about her past. We're trying to do what we can to have a good future and she needed this to be able to do that. Thank_ you_."

"Edward?" he heard Bella's small, unsure voice behind him. He turned towards her automatically and smiled as soon as her eyes met his. She looked nervous and was biting her lip. Forgetting about the old priest, he took a few steps towards her and pulled her into his chest before kissing from her forehead down her cheek and to her mouth. She began to cry and he maneuvered her away from the crowd a little. They politely gave them space. "I did it."

"You did, baby. I'm so damn proud of you. So, so fucking proud. Are you okay?"

She nodded with a smile and a wave of her hand, "They're happy tears. I was worried you'd be upset that I kept this from you but I wanted to surprise you."

"This is the best wedding present you could have possibly given to me. I love you and you know I'll always be there but I'm so happy you could open up to other people."

"I'm not ready to open up about everything...or to everyone. These people are all involved with the church's mission or they are the victims themselves. I couldn't have handled more people than this and I don't know that I'll ever be able to speak with my parents or even just our neighbors. They kept everything hush hush and it was an invite-only banquet. I feel really good about this. I feel like I'm home here in Forks for the first time in years and I'm here because of you. I know you've sacrificed things for me and I just wish I could make it up to you."

"Just meet me at the alter next week and I'll be a happy man for the rest of my life. That's all I want. I want you and Allison. Forever."

Bella smiled and kissed him sweetly on the cheek. "Will you come with me? There are two girls and a guy I'd like you to meet. They went through something similar to what I did. I got to talk to them a little and the girls thought you were too good to be true."

"I'd love to meet them, Bells. Lead the way."

When the day of the wedding finally arrived, Bella was giddy with excitement while also being overwhelmed with anxiety. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were all staying at the Swan residence with her parents while Jasper, Tommy, Tyler, and James stayed with the soon-to-be new Cullen family. Pete and Liz were staying at a local hotel but they were the only family members of Edward's that made the trip in. Bella and Edward wanted it that way and there were limited invitations sent out. Esme had assured her it wouldn't be a problem.

Jacob Black, though he was only a friend to her for a short time, was one of the few who had received an invite but he had RSVP'd back with a polite 'unable to attend' and explained that he was already committed to a work-related conference. While she had been sad, she understood and knew that they hadn't known each other for that long of a time. It made sense to her that he wouldn't want to fly the whole way out for an acquaintance's wedding, especially an acquaintance who he'd had feelings for. Still, a few days ago, she had received a package in the mail. It was from Jacob and it made her blush. Whether he knew or not of what was in that book, Bella turned red when she saw that the book was the one she used to read at the little bookstore she had loved so much. She made a mental note to call him soon and say thank you.

Because the bride and groom weren't supposed to see each other the night before, Edward had gone to sleep on Charlie and Renee's couch. She was now waiting anxiously to see him. It had been a long night away from each other now that they were used to sleeping together every night. She hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with him being away at night for a long, long time after this. She smiled, though, as she remembered him singing his baby daughter to sleep as was now routine each night. Once Allison had fallen asleep, he'd kissed her and then kissed Bella before grabbing his tux and the bag he had packed. It confused her as the bag he carried was much bigger than she thought was necessary.

Around ten o'clock, just as Bella had finished drying her hair and was about to partake in the large breakfast James had prepared for everyone, the girls began to arrive. Bella had to laugh as Tyler rolled his eyes when Renee asked him if he was going to get dressed with them or head over to her place to get ready with the boys. He politely told her that he'd see everyone at the church in a few hours and that he couldn't wait to walk the lovely Liz down the aisle. Bella knew her mom hadn't meant anything by it but the whole topic was a little touchy.

Originally, she had wanted James and Tyler paired but the priest was less than enthused and she finally relented. Now, Tyler was paired with Liz. James offered to sit the wedding out, stating that he looked better in khakis and a polo than a tux any day...and that he was looking forward to having front row seats to observe Tyler in one. Rosalie and Emmett had been easy enough to figure out but there was also an issue with Jasper not having a match. So, they decided to just not give him one.

Bella knew in her heart that had Alice been able to, she would have been there as her right-hand girl. It didn't feel right, to anyone of them, to replace her with someone else. Jasper would be the best man and in the little pamphlet the church ladies had made up, Mary Alice Cullen was listed as the maid of honor, followed by the words 'supporting us from heaven'. That solution just simply felt right. Jasper had just smiled when they'd discussed it and said, "I already have a date for the wedding, anyway. Thomas's going to look awesome in his little tux."

After the guys left and she had eaten a doughnut, too anxious to eat much else, she turned to Esme and asked for her daughter back. As soon as Allison was in her arms, Bella whisked her away to the privacy of the nursery and settled into the glider. It wasn't quite time to feed her, though Bella knew she would have to before they left for the church, but she just felt the need to spend some time alone with her little girl. Rocking back and forth, Bella held her baby to her chest and hummed softly. Once in a while she would coo encouraging things to her or tell her how much she was loved. She was just telling Allison how much her daddy loved her and missed her when Bella teared up.

Closing her eyes around the tears, Bella held tightly to her infant daughter and let herself cry. They were definitely tears of joy as she thought of everything she had been through and everything that had led her to this moment in her life. She was a mother and soon she would be someone's wife. A few years ago, the only outcome of getting pregnant or marrying a man would have been a living nightmare for her. Now, though, it was happening and it was exactly what she wanted.

A knock on the door made her jump and look up quickly. Blinking away tears, she called out with an unsteady voice that they could come in. Rosalie peeked in but as soon as she saw Bella, she came in and strode over. "I'm okay!" Bella got out before Rosalie could dote too much. "I'm just...happy..."

Rosalie laughed and wrapped her arm around Bella. "Sweetie, we could always use some happy tears in this family. God, Bells, she's so precious."

Bella smiled as Rosalie looked at Allison. "She looks like Edward. She has his cheek bones...and those eyes..."

"It's so great to see you happy, Bella. I'm honored to know you and I'm so excited for this wedding."

"How's yours coming along?" Bella asked with a cringe, wondering if she should bring it up.

"We found a new house, like we said, about three hours from the old one. It's bigger and that's a good things...because...we have plans, so..."

Bella scrunched her face up and even Allison wriggled a little which brought her face to face with her aunt. It seemed to Bella that Rosalie was hiding something. It was as if she had said something she shouldn't have but before Bella could ask her about it, it donned on her. "Rose, are you pregnant?"

"We...we didn't want to tell everyone yet because I'm only about six weeks and we don't want everyone to know...and it's your wedding weekend. We didn't want to take any of the focus away from you two..."

"Shut up!" Bella laughed, hoisting both herself and her daughter up off the glider. "I'm so happy for you guys! Is Emmett excited?"

"Yeah," Rosalie blushed, "we actually decided to not wait for the wedding to try. We've been trying for a while now. I, um, didn't tell anyone this...so please don't say anything to Esme but I was pregnant before. It was right around the time everything happened with Ally and my dad. It's why we decided to get the house even though we weren't getting married right away. We were devastated when I lost the baby."

"I'm so sorry, Rosalie. I had no idea."

"No one does. That's why when the wedding was postponed again, compliments of our future father-in-law, we decided to start a family and just go with it. I'm honestly to the point of just saying forget it. It's too hard with my dad not being here to walk me down the aisle, anyway. I think I just want a small party and then a nice, long getaway with Em. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dumped this all on you. It's your wedding day and here I am unloading a completely depressing topic. Part of the reason we aren't telling everyone is because we don't want to get our hopes up too soon.

"I'm glad you told me. If you ever need to talk about it, just give me a call. I hope that everything goes well. You and Emmett will be good parents."

"Thanks, Bells," she smiled. Then looking back down at Allison she shook her head, "I never thought the day would come when I could say the same about Edward. He's always been a little hotheaded and alcohol was one of his major food groups. It's awesome getting to watch him grow up and be responsible. He really is a great dad."

"Well, I was going to feed her but we have a pretty nice stock of breast milk in the fridge. Would you like to feed her while my mom helps me get dressed?" Rosalie just nodded in excitement.

Edward was about ready to sweat right through his tux jacket. God, he couldn't wait to see her. He had been reassured by the guys, who had gone to his house to check on the girls and figure out transportation for everyone, that Bella looked absolutely stunning. Tyler even blurted, much to Charlie's annoyance, that Edward was going to have a hard time waiting for the honeymoon-and that Edward might just have to take her in the backseat on the way to the reception. Charlie just shook his head and muttered something about the fact that Edward had already made him into a grandfather.

Now, though, he stood at the head of the church, waiting for his wife. He had heard stories of some men having 'cold feet' and taking off before their weddings. They were obviously cowards and definitely not marrying Bella. Tyler also wasn't completely wrong, Edward_ was_ having trouble waiting for after the hooplah of the wedding and the reception. He had a surprise planned for her and he couldn't wait to partake in that surprise with her.

When the doors to the back of the church opened, he watched anxiously as every other girl in his life slipped through but his Bella was nowhere to be seen. He was beginning to worry, wondering what was taking so long. The other girls had lined up and were smiling at him and the rest of the guys. Surely, if Bella had gotten scared and taken off, they wouldn't appear so damn happy. "Come on, Bells," he whispered.

Jasper turned towards him and patted him on the back. "She'll be here, man."

As the mother's came up to light the candles, he couldn't help but beam at how adorable his daughter looked in the little white dress that was made for her. While Renee carried her up, Esme walked right beside her carrying Tommy. He reached for Jasper as they went past and Edward looked over to tell him that it was fine to hold him during the ceremony. Edward kissed his daughter as Renee stopped to give him a hug.

Finally, just as he was about to walk to the back of the chuch himself, the doors opened and there she stood. Sure she had Charlie on her arm and one of the church ladies was talking to her but the second she turned and looked at him, he saw only her. The dress was perfect with a lot of fancy material where the full skirt was. The corseted top was embellished with shiny bead work and pushed her breasts up enough to make him drool. Tyler was right. Edward wanted her. Badly.

While she had smiled widely at him in the beginning, her smile wavered when she came through the doors and saw the packed church. He shook his head in sadness as she immediately slowed her pace and bit down on her lip. Edward suspected that if it wasn't for Charlie she would have taken a step backwards. "Come on, baby," he mouthed, begging her with his eyes to just come towards him. He knew if he could just be beside her that she'd be okay. He watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Charlie said something to her that Edward couldn't hear and she nodded before stepping forward. Her eyes stayed on Edward the entire time after that.

The ceremony went fast and he held Bella's shaking hands in his nearly the whole time. When she seemed to become anxious halfway through, the priest remained quiet to give her a moment and Edward whispered promises of safety to her. After that, though, it went smoothly. Before he knew it, he was being told to kiss his bride and they were giving the large crowd a bit of a show...until Charlie cleared his throat loudly from his seat in the front pew. His blushing bride's face turned red as she looked down at her shoes and smiled shyly.

The reception was amazing but also very emotional for all of their family and friends. There were people who should have been there that weren't but it was the fact that Bella was there that made the atmosphere upbeat and happy. They danced and ate and he drank spirits while she stuck to virgin fuzzy navels. It amazed him how much detail had gone into everything and they made a point to thank everyone for their kindness and generosity...and also mentioned briefly about the donations that would be made to the church and to the fire and police stations. Even Bella's former high school teachers and old friends had designed and created the magnificent purple center pieces. Meeting her old swim team friends had been really hard for even him. He wasn't quite sure how Bella had gotten through that one.

Finally, as the guests began to leave and the girls began to clean...and the boys were shut off from drinking...Edward waited for Bella to come out of the back room where she was feeding Allison. "Have you talked to her yet?" Renee asked him anxiously, rubbing her hands together in excitement.

"Not yet. Did everyone get there stuff from our house?"

"Yeah. James went first and got their stuff and then Jasper went just an hour or so ago to pick up his and Tommy's stuff. It's all yours...and it's warm out."

"Good. Awesome. Look, I don't know if she's going to go for letting Allison stay with you guys tonight. This is kind of a big deal but I told Jazz to take most of the breast milk in our fridge over to your place. You have diapers and everything, right?"

"Yeah. We're ready for her the second Bella gives the okay."

As Renee flitted away, Edward saw Bella come out of the room carrying Allison with Rosalie right behind them. Rose had helped Bella with her top since it laced up in the back, making it difficult for Allison to have access to her breasts. Bella and Edward said their goodbyes and headed into the lobby of the fire hall before he stopped her. "I know it's a little scary for you but what would you say to letting Allison stay with your parents tonight?"

"Oh...I don't know...I mean, we're going to have a full house tonight, anyway..."

"No. We're not," he smirked. "They're all staying at the hotel Pete and Liz are. It's only us tonight."

She smiled in surprise but then frowned slightly. "Edward, I don't know..."

"It's fine," he relented, having known from the beginning that she might not agree to it.

"No," she shook her head after a minute of pondering the situation. "No. It's our wedding night and she'll only be a few minutes away. I can do this. After everything you've done for me, I want to do this for you."

"Really? Are you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable and worried all night."

"I can do it. Really. Besides," she said, biting down on her lip and looking up at him through her lashes, "I'm wearing naughty panties."

**I intended to end this story tonight, right here, with the end of this chapter. I can't do it. While the next chapter might not be quite as long, there will be one. It will contain the big surprise Edward has planned for her, a lemony yet sweet wedding night, and a kind of epilogue. I hope you tune in to enjoy the finale and that you'll let me know what you thought of this chapter. Love you guys always, Letzy xx**


	52. Chapter 52

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**Any mistakes are solely mine...blah blah blah...you know the drill. I love my beta, though. I heart her hard and can't wait for the next project we're doing together!**

**Chapter 52**

**A Life Worth Living**

Edward was nervous the entire way back to their house. It had been hard on him to let Allison with Renee and Charlie...much harder than he realized it would be. It had been a different feeling when he was leaving her with Bella but it was difficult to think that his daughter was away from both of them. If it wasn't for that, he would still admittedly be nervous. He hoped everything went as well as he'd planned and he was at least able to breathe a little easier knowing that it was warm enough to pull off his plan. At least the weather was cooperating.

He helped his new wife out of the car, which was a little more difficult than normal considering her big, puffy skirt. When he went to get his bag out of the back, he saw her heading up the stairs towards the front door. "Wait!" he yelled, anxiously grabbing the bag and watching her turn to look at him in surprise. Jogging up the stairs, he smiled and scooped her up in his arms. "I have to carry you over the threshold, Mrs. Cullen. It's tradition."

She giggled and leaned into him. "Of course, how dare I forget..."

With her in his arms, her chest just a few inches from his face, he had to have her. The other surprise could wait but the need to lay with her as man and wife was too much. He didn't set her down until they were in the bedroom and he was able to set her on the bed. She just leaned back on her elbows and slid herself to the middle. He was grateful that Diesel was tied outside. It was just the two of them now.

Jasper had come through for him big time and, as he went around lighting the candles that had been set around the room by his best friend, he promised himself that he would help his friend find a girl and repay the favor. Bella just had an amused smile on her face and was playing with one of the rose petals on the duvet. "You didn't have to do all of this, Edward."

"I wanted to. You deserve candles and flowers and...chocolate covered strawberries in heart-shaped boxes. I'll never forgive myself for the way our first time together was."

"You mean the way you gave me the first orgasm I'd ever had and it was so good it scared me and I walked out?" she teased.

"No. The way it was rougher than you deserved and the fact that it was on my couch. I want to erase that. I want our first time as a married couple to mean something more to you. I want you to trust me completely and I want you to feel that safety net most people don't even consider when they're having sex. It's on my list, remember? I want you to be uninhibited and trusting with me when we're in bed."

"Alright, enough with the candles and the sweet talking. Get your sexy, tuxedo-clad ass over here, husband."

He smiled and stalked over to his new wife. "I'm very excited to see these naughty panties you mentioned earlier."

"Well," Bella smirked suggestively, "I can describe them pretty well."

"Oh, really?" he asked, now beside her and running his finger up and down her arm.

"Yeah. They're pure white. Very lacy...or at least only lacy. They aren't very...anything...since there are very little to them at all..."

There was low, guttural sound that came from him, which he had no idea he could even make. "Well," he grinned, sliding down her body and ending up the bottom of her dress, "I still think I need to see them. You know, just to be sure you're not lying..."

"And they're wet..."

That was all he needed. Running his hands under the skirt and up her legs, he pushed the dress up with his shoulders as he went. Bella just laughed as he struggled to get under it and arched her back. Looking up at her, his attention caught, his mouth began to water while she reached behind her and unzipped something near her lower back. It loosened the skirt enough that he realized it was a two-piece dress and the skirt part was being slowly lowered down over her hips. Watching her pull her skirt down, his heart sped up and there was a lot of blood pumping to an organ that wasn't his heart. "Baby...holy...fuck..."

She was now in a pair of white stiletto's, looking down at him as she looked down at him with her long, dark hair flowing down her shoulders. The curly locks ended just above her breasts. The corset top kept her covered but the white, barely there panties were the only other thing she was wearing-besides the stiletto's that were on her feet. Her long, provocatively bent legs connected the shoes to the rest of her outfit. He wanted to worship her, to kiss every inch of her bare skin, but the need to take her was overpowering him. "Bells, seriously, you're gorgeous. I love you so much. So fucking much. This is killing me, though. Is it really necessary for one person to be this sexy?"

"Edward," she whispered, the seductive smile fading away into a little pout as she wriggled in anticipation, "please."

That was it. Pushing the discarded skirt away from them, he reached up and pulled the tiny panties off of her. She really was wet...and so pink. Spreading her legs wide, he brought his lips down to her more intimate ones and licked her nub. She tasted so good but he slid up her body to make contact with her nipples. Since the first time they'd had sex since Allison was born, he'd taken milk from Bella and realized he really liked it...and it was way more erotic than he expected to feel about it.

"I love the tux, baby, but take it off."

Edward laughed and lifted his head from her chest to look her in the eyes. "Yes, mam."

Stripping off the tux, he crawled into bed beside her and she wrapped her arms around him before kissing him deeply. Her hands began to explore and he sucked in an excited breath as her hand slid inside the opening of his boxers. Considering the fact that he was rock hard, her hand was easily able to wrap around his shaft. Working her hand hand up and down, Bella licked his neck and bit down gently. Grabbing her arm, he grunted out for her to stop and slid away a little bit. Bella knew what had almost just happened and smirked, "What's wrong, Mr. Cullen?"

"Mr. Cullen wants to be inside Mrs. Cullen when that happens tonight...at least the first time it happens tonight."

Becoming serious now, a slow smile came across her face and she cuddled into him. He heard her breathe in deeply and, as if her deep breath relaxed him, just like that, he was calm and ready to make love to her slowly. He knew she was wet with her own juices and a bit of his saliva but he still ran a hand down the plane of her stomach, through her curls, and over her little pile of nerves. She moaned and arched her back as he looked down at her. When she was wiggling and muttering incoherent words, he stopped. The corset was still on and he tucked the tops of the cups down so that her breasts could rest on them, exposed to him. He got to work on each nipple, milk flooding his mouth each time and he wasn't embarrassed about it.

When he decided that he'd had more than enough and she seemed to be getting anxious, he slid up her body and kissed her before looking into her eyes. "Do you want me to wear a condom tonight or not?"

"No...but you should. I'm not quite ready for that again.."

"Hey, don't get upset. I'm not really up to another baby yet, either. I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to try on our wedding night."

"I love you," she smiled, as if there was nothing else she had to say.

Returning her smile, he felt her run her hands over his muscular upper arms as he reached over to grab the box of condoms from their bed stand. He made quick work of it and once he was protected, he covered her body with his again. Leaning down to her ear, he whispered that he loved her as well and pushed gently into her. The condom did little to take away from the experience of being inside of her and he moaned against her lips as their mouths came together for a deep kiss.

When the feelings were becoming too intense for them to keep their lips locked, he slid his hands down around the back of her hips and they came to rest on her ass. Cupping her tightly with each hand, he held her as close as he could, loving the way her body fit with his perfectly. Deep inside of her, as far as he could go, he stayed that way, connected with her and began to kiss her neck. She was moving her hips, obviously excited by how full she was with him inside of her.

When she arched her back, trying to put space between them so she could feel him moving, he let himself increase his pace and quit teasing her. By the time they were done, her makeup was smeared, her hair was everywhere, he could feel the scratches she'd left on his back with her nails, and they both were covered in sweat and milk droplets. He'd never felt so satisfied in his entire life.

"Don't fall asleep. Come on. It's early yet. I have another surprise for you," he practically begged, literally pulling her into a sitting position in his arms.

They navigated their way downstairs, him in a pair of stretchy shorts and her in only the pink, fluffy bathrobe he had bought her for Christmas. When she stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to look up at him, he smirked and held up the tie from his tux. "Do you trust me?"

She frowned for a minute before shaking her head and nodding with an uneasy smile. "What do you have in mind."

Bringing the tie to her face, he blindfolded her with with silky material and lead her gently to the back door. The rarely used door creaked open with a funny sound and they stepped down onto the cement sidewalk. Edward was impressed with himself as he looked around with a smile. The purple lounge chairs complete with a glass table which had a purple umbrella sticking up through the middle of it looked great. He was just grateful that the weather was still on his side. Bella didn't know but when Emmett and Jasper came in a few days ago for the wedding, while Bella and her mom took the kids to the Swan's, the guys opened the pool up for the year. It was ready to go, even though it was a couple weeks before Memorial Day, and he couldn't wait for Bella to use it.

Looking around them one more time, just to make sure there were no big cracks or holes in the tall privacy fence around the pool, he confirmed that it was safe to do what he planned next. The privacy fence had been put up by himself and Charlie a week ago and was set up so that it would also keep Allison from falling into the pool when she grew up and wanted to crawl or play in the backyard. Edward knew that Bella knew about that, it was pretty obvious, but when they opened up the gate to it and went in, he knew she'd be surprised when he took off her blindfold.

Edward also knew, from this point on, he would only be able to carry out his plan until she became too uncomfortable and anxious about it. He would only push her so far. "Are you cold?" he asked, facing her now.

"No. It's warm out here still."

Softly, and with as much kindness as possible, asked, "Will you take off your robe for me, baby?"

She froze for few seconds before reaching out and feeling for his arms until he stepped closer to her and she could reach them. "Here? Right now?"

"Yeah, Bells. Right now."

"But...Edward," she choked, "we're outside..."

"Trust me, Bella. I'd never let you do something that would embarrass you. It's just us here and we have the fence around us. Take off your robe, love."

She bit down on her lip, deeply anxious now and he was just about to throw out his plan and pull the blindfold off of her so she could see when he got an idea. Sliding off his shorts, he stood naked before her and took her hand. Not wanting to ruin the moment by placing her hand where he'd feel like a pervert for doing so, he lifted her hand from her side and brought it to rest on his naked hip. Rubbing her hand over the area low enough, he made her realize that he was naked now, too. She must have taken strength from that knowledge because she took a deep breath and let the soft material fall down her naked body in a pink wave.

Her arms immediately came up to cover her chest for modesty purposes but he was fine with that. It was what he expected and didn't hinder the next part of his surprise at all. "Still trust me?" he whispered, pulling her into him and kissing her exposed shoulder.

"I can't stop."

Walking with her, albeit a little awkwardly, he edged them both closer to the steps that led down into the in-ground pool. Checking to make sure that Jasper remembered to stoke the wood furnace that was attached to it and heated the water, he smiled at the warmth he felt and eased himself onto the first step. Taking her hand he coaxed her down with him. A smile broke across her face as she realized what was happening. His new wife was practically beaming as he lead her down the steps and into the three-foot deep water. "Just a little farther, Bells."

When they finally reached the middle of the pool, right at the point where the water was covering her breasts, he kissed her mouth before taking off the blindfold and kissing the spot right beside each of her eyes. "Welcome to your new pool, Mrs. Cullen."

She was crying now and wrapped her arms around him quickly, causing water to splash over them and wet her hair. "You even heated it!"

"And if you get cold, Em and I got the hot tub to work. There was just something wrong with the one hose..."

She cut him off, though, kissing him deeply and wrapping her legs around his hips. Rubbing against his swollen member again, he took her by the hips and pulled her away gently. "We have the rest of our lives to have pool sex. Right now, I want to watch you swim. While I shamelessly couldn't wait to consummate our marriage in the bedroom, I was serious about wanting you to be treated the way you should have been the first time we were together. Now, I want you to get to enjoy what you loved doing and haven't done in years."

Fondly smiling up at him, she nodded and turned, heading towards the shallow side. Edward frowned, not wanting her to get out of the pool. He briefly wondered if maybe having a pool in her backyard was too much of a reminder of what had happened to her. He noticed, though, that she hadn't gone up the steps. In fact, she was off to the side, staring right past him at the other end. Lowering her slim body into the water, she kicked off the side and Edward watched her glide past him easily. Her arms moved gracefully and her legs kicked behind her under the water.

He was beaming now, completely impressed with the way she took the turn at the other end and made her way back to the side with the steps. He could remember watching the Olympics as a kid and trying to turn around when he reached the other side the way the graceful swimmers always had. He never could do it right but Bella seemed to have it down to a science. After three laps, her pace had quickened and all he could do was watch his new wife in awe. A lump formed in his throat as he realize just how natural it was for Bella to be in the water.

Swimming, being with her mother, and spending time with her beloved grandmother was what had been natural and normal for Bella. By taking her out of her safe, happy environment, and especially by taking her out of the water the way Mike had done by putting an end to her swimming career, it was like clipping the wings off of an eagle. His Bella deserved true love, where she didn't have to be afraid of the man...or men...in her life. Taking her our of her natural habitat and treating her in lesser ways than she should have been treated had nearly destroyed her.

Even though Edward now had Bella as his wife and a beautiful daughter...and a decent job, he knew that he would never be completely happy until she was. It could take years until his Bella was close to being the same girl she was before everything had happened...or it may never happen at all...but he would be there to try to help that progress along as much as he possibly could.

Pulled out of his inner musings by arms wrapping around him and the feel of breasts against his naked back, he turned to find Bella with her hair slicked back, smiling happily at him. "I was actually tempted to ask you what my time was on that last lap."

He chuckled and put his arms around her again. "Amazing. That's how your time was."

"Well, since I did so well, I think I deserve my prize," she teased, reaching down between them and taking him in her hand.

Edward's knees grew weak but he stayed standing in the water and nodded his head. "I suppose, Mrs. Cullen. The problem is, it seems that I may enjoy your prize just as much as you and I didn't even do any of the work."

With a devilish grin and the licking of her lips, Bella shrugged. "I'm totally willing to share, Mr. Cullen."

**Epilogue**

"Look, Daddy!" Allison yelled, causing water to fly all over the place as she waved her arms excitedly from where Bella was holding her in the shallow end of the pool. As soon as his eyes were on her, Allison pushed Bella's hands away and swam over to the stairs on her own. He couldn't believe that she had just turned two a few months ago but could believe that she was swimming on her own better than he ever could. Edward watched as mother and daughter swam together and had to laugh at Bella's instinctive urge to hold her daughter above the water every now and then.

"Good job, Ally!" he called out to her. Around the time Allison started saying 'daddy', he started to come to terms with the loss of his sister and learned that he couldn't seem to mind using Alice's nickname for his daughter the way he used to mind it when she was still a small infant. Alice would always live on in his life and he felt stupid for thinking he could deny that.

Bella just shook her head in amusement at their little fish and looked over to him. He loved days like this when he could just lounge around with his family. While Bella and his firstborn played in the water, his eleven month old son slept soundly in his arms, wrapped up in his own little beach towel. Benjamin Charles Cullen had been conceived just a few months after they were married. While they had gotten caught in the moment a few times and not used birth control, they were hoping that the old wives tale of not being able to get pregnant while breastfeeding would ring true. It had worked for a little while but only for a few months.

Smiling at Bella as she splashed Diesel, who was doggy-paddling around the pool with them, he knew they were more than aware now that the breastfeeding rule definitely did not work-at least for the Cullen family. He was grateful that his mom managed to convince his dad to move to Forks just a few blocks away from them in the opposite direction of Renee and Charlie. It had only been a few months after Bella found out she was pregnant with Benjamin that his parents had called and told him about it. It couldn't have come at a better time. Edward was completely taken by surprise when Bella had told him she was pregnant again and was trying to figure out how they were going to handle it.

His mom was all about spending all the time she could with Allison and it made it easier on Bella to work at the local YMCA where she had found a job teaching swimming lessons. She had worked up until two days before she went into labor with Benjamin and that delivery was an at-home water birth as well. He was Edward's little buddy since he'd come out of the womb. While Allison was definitely all about Bella, Benny would constantly want Edward...except when Bella was feeding him. Then, he stayed latched on and would usually fall right to sleep. Just like when she was feeding Allison a couple years ago, he loved to watch her perform that particular motherly duty.

Now, standing up in the water,her swollen belly poking out in front of her, Bella made her way over to the stairs as he wondered how it was going to go the third time around. Edward shifted his sleeping son so that he could stand up as soon as he saw Bella coming up the pool steps. Grabbing her purple towel, he carried it over to her. "I have to pee again. Can you watch Allison? I told her to stay on the steps until I come back."

"Of course."

"Hey, Benny," she cooed, kissing him on the head and then kissing Edward's cheek before walking past them.

Edward watched Bella waddle into the house before turning to check on Allison, who was now splashing water on Diesel as he fluttered past the steps. His family was his entire life and he wouldn't do anything to change that. He'd been promoted twice since taking the construction job back when they had first moved in to town but family always came first to him. While all three of his children, Allison, Benjamin, and the new baby-which they didn't know the sex of yet, had been pleasant surprises, they meant the world to him.

He could clearly remember the shock on Bella's face when she'd found out she was pregnant for a third time but the expression on Charlie's had been the most memorable. He was pretty sure that if Charlie was any lesser of a man, he would have asked Edward outright if they were ever going to slow down and give Bella some time to not be pregnant for once in their married life. Edward would be lying if he said he didn't feel slightly guilty about it and he understood Charlie's concerned reaction when they'd told him they would be having yet another child and would have three children under the age of three to care for.

He suspected Charlie was actually upset with him about it but seeing Bella cradling her infant son and singing to her one and a half year old daughter while Edward played guitar, reassured him that it wasn't something that his wife didn't want. So, when they took an ultrasound photo of the new baby over to show her parents, he'd pulled Charlie aside and tried to reassure him. Bella was Charlie's baby and it made sense that he'd be concerned with the quick pregnancies.

Benny was wide awake now and trying to stick his whole hand into his little mouth as Allison climbed out of the water and ran over to him. Alice would have been the best aunt any kid could ever ask for and while both the Cullen's and the Swan's were all looking at them like they were crazy, he knew Alice was up there looking down on them with a huge, knowing smile. She had always said, especially after the night she had picked his ass up from jail, that someday he'd find the perfect girl and have 'like a million babies'. While she was being dramatic, as his little sister often was, she knew him well even then. Hell, she knew him better than he knew himself.

Everyone was changing and even Rosalie and Emmett were living somewhere new. Edward had helped them get the accounting part straight as they opened up Twilight Rose, another night club. Rosalie and Bella were huge support systems for each other and his brother and Rosalie had made a few trips to Forks to visit with Edward, Bella, and their growing family. His parents visited nearly everyday and both sets of parents would be coming over for dinner later that night. Bella already had the lasagna made up and in the oven.

There would always be days when Edward would sit back and reminisce on his life when Bella had first met him. The passion he felt for Bella had completely changed him before he'd even realized he was in love with her. Before he was able to admit that to himself, he'd been full of anger, a casual smoker and an avid drinker. All he'd known in those first few, crazy nights, was that he was completely infatuated with his small, brown-eyed girl and that he would kill for her. Loving her, though, had been what saved him.

When the guys gave him a rough time about the fact that Bella was 'knocked up' for a third time, all he did was smile and shake his head in amusement. They hadn't known him before and it took everything for him not to tell them some stories about his past. He doubted any of them had lived the way he had, as if he could do anything; as if he was invincible. It had just taken one very broken girl, ushering two babies into this world, and creating another that would rely on him as well, to discover that he really was able to do just about anything. Alice may have left him to keep an eye on things from up above, but as long as he had Bella and his children beside him on Earth, he knew he could let himself be happy.

Bella laughed loudly behind him as Diesel ran over to her and shook the water off of his coat so that it soaked Bella and Allison both. Turning to face her, he smiled to himself. She was his greatest accomplishment, even more so than his children. Together, they had given life to these three children but they had also gotten Bella's life back for her. He was under no illusions that he'd done that on his own, though.

Bella had done just enough on her own to survive before and after he came along; he had just helped her to pick up the rest of the pieces. She had helped other survivors as well over the past couple of years and he loved that she was brave enough to do so on her own. He would never know the completely innocent girl that she had been before but the Bella he did know made his life worth living by wanting to live her own to the fullest.

**Wow. It's over. Thankfully, I had power long enough to update this last chapter. Before I say anything further, I send out thoughts and prayers to those affected by this storm. Here in PA, we're getting slammed but I know it's nowhere near as bad as it is in neighboring states. I almost didn't post this, because it didn't feel right with everything going on, but I know I have readers in other states and countries who aren't being torn up by this crazy storm. **

**I truly hope you all enjoyed the story and will be putting up the new one very soon. I told you a little about it before but it involves a 'bad boy' Edward raising his little sister in the city. I hope you'll all tune in! Before I sign off on this story, though, I want to give a HUGE thank you to one reviewer who has inspired me, motivated me, and just simply made me laugh when I needed it (whether she realized it or not). Thank you, andreacf77, for your inspiring input..and that amazing pic that I love so much. I also need to send HUGE hugs to my beta for most of this story and hopefully all of my next one. It's been a ride, girlie, and I love you dearly! During this story, our little mascot was born, and so I'll always remember this story fondly. To all my readers out there, you are the reason I do this. It's not for the money or for all the time I spend on it. I write these stories for _you_! Please let me know what you all think! Signing off for now, Letzy xx**


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